Indigo Awareness Ribbon

Indigo Awareness Ribbon


Please be advised that this written work is theory. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. For legal reasons I state that I have no actual belief in these theories as fact, if I did I would have sought legal recourse. Until that occurs this blog can only be considered theory. If it does then any and all actions PAST AND FUTURE that have been taken against me during the years producing this work will be labeled war crimes under international law and any other legal protections that apply.
I am a writer, an activist and artist. I claim my RIGHT TO EXIST legally under US Constitution and international law.

This is an educational blog for awareness as well as sometimes a telling of candid personal experiences to demonstrate theories as they might be experienced by a person who theoretically is existing under such conditions. Thus the 'candid' expression, poetic license and marketing myself as product or character. This is NOT a journal or diary.
Being a reasonable person of sound mind if I had concerns for my safety or others I would take responsible action for self care as my established medical history can demonstrate.
Any actions taken against me by others questioning my sanity or competence based on my produced work will be construed as activist/dissident intimidation and whistle blower retaliation and proper legal action will be taken against you by my family and support system.

Be warned that no further interference with my production of meaningful work as an artist and activist will be tolerated.

Monday, December 28, 2009

'organized' stalking and harassment: a photo progression

I want readers to see the progression of an organized stalking campaign in a simple yet effective way. My ID photos for different things over the years show my face changing over a short period of time- due to stress, emotional suffering and mental suffering as well.

I use these to remind me that what has transpired it real- that it really did occur and the person I see in the mirror is NOT 'my new self' or my situation that I now need to accept as the bullying system woulod brainwash one into believing: the person in the mirror has been torn down over time by methods of covert warfare to look like a shadow of the former self.

The people who engage in 'gang stalking' would like all Targets to seal all tha pain and suffering over the years inside of them, akin to building a nice lot of houses over a former garbage dump- no one has to know the mess thats underneath. This is where GUILT, SHAME and SYSTEMATIC IGNORING come into use by the system. Over time if its beaten into you repeatedly you'll eventually 'conform' and give up believeing in yourself as anything other than average.

Towards the 'end' of many campaigns there is a subtle but constant line of thought repeated to the TI through many means that THIS new 'self' is who they really are. Due to fear being instilled in thye person over many years time its hoped teh effect will be someone who is not only tired of fighting but can no longer handle the burden of emotional and mental pain.
Its a way out that is offered in place of suicide but really its total death of self. It is NO BETTER THAN SUICIDE OF THE PHYSICAL BODY.

What TI's have been through should be recognized not ignored and there are legitimate reasons this is difficult in our society. If our plight is recognized then the outcome of our ordeal can be accepted-as part of the reality of being harassed and gaslighted so badly as to destroy a human being over time. The results of what we have been through SHOULD NOT be accepted as who we really are or who we ended up as without outside influence.
You have been victimized, worn down, betrayed, sold out, damaged and basically denied your right to exist- do not forget this.

allright its a bit of a goofy pic but at least I was happy. It was a buspass. I was with Scott and just started to look a bit rough from dealing w/ his crap as well as the moldy apartment, trying to pull together the lawsuit and all the harassment/stalking that was going on. Circa 2006. I always put up a good front - if your curious about how this is done read my other blog I was much prettier tand healthier han this pic depicts.

After I left the apartment due to it being uninhabitable. I had gone homeless and got harassed in Boston so went to RI, I found there is only one shelter there and its awful- I left shortly after getting there. I was starting to really deal with the fact that whatever was going on was really quite serious. I still did not understand it was a system known as 'organized stalking and harassemnt or gang stalking'. It was starting to brainwash me into thinking I was a bad peson, must have done something wrong if during a federal investigation I wasnt being handed a subeana but was being harassed instead. This is why so many Targets die during this phase- they never realize that they are targeted. Its a slow brainwashing of the person convincing them to kill themselves.
NOV2006. I just got my settlement and was starting to show wear and you can see my hair isnt cut or styled. I was still holding up pretty well. My skin was still youthful and I didnt have alot of aging yet. I had formed lines that you cant really see in these photos, but if this was the extent of the damage I could've lived with that. I definately dont look happy however. I could still compartmentalize everything.


AUG2008. Came back to Boston for dental work I think, this was an old ID photo. So dont try to use it to make a fake ID cuz it wont work. You wouldnt want to imposter as me cuz youll get targetd, unless of course you want to frame me for something. Others have tried. The feds arent stupid. I had realized it was 'gang stalking' in AZ 2007 so at least I didnt suicide out of ignorance.Anyway you can see the stress taking effect. I was totally effected by all that had been done in the campaign, and I was starting to take on a bit of the evil that was constantly thrown at me. I had started to feel a burning- of the mind and of the spirit.Still I just wud not let any emotions through. My compartmentalization system was still intact but had taken alot of damage.

April 2009. I started to look frumpy. El Paso TX. Its not a clear pic but I was sinking into the depression that begins and doesnt end. This is the state that will hold you prisoner for life if you dont keep up with your situation. I was starting to just feel a loss of strength and the beginning of the loss of sense of self. My Will was still strong.

Homelessness had become a way of life due to the harassment never ending even when it improved when Bush left office.


The same month. an ID for NM college to use computers. I had learned to handle the harassment and try to keep up a front. The kids that were in the office were messing with me and being mean but as soon as some kids parents showed up they got very respectful and grown up. It always amazes me how people treat me when I am alone compared to when others are around- believe it or not this has been life long since I was a child. Its harder in some ways and easier in others to know that its bullying by people in the know. One kid kept mentioning Christian television as his viewing of choice- he didnt act like one and I believe many people who engage in gang stalking use religion either as a front or as a moral rationale. One of the reasons I look so pleasant is becuz over the years I have researched intensely and understand that the perps are nothing without the group. This gives me inner confidence- I know what they are about.


Summer 2009. I was prob more tired than usual as I was traveling in the southwest and the shelter in ABQ is pretty bad. The light was bad as well but plainly one can see the difference in just 3 years. I still tried to keep up an appearance as far as posing, I guess due to my art modelling days- its still me trying to keep up a front. By this point I had become very worn down and fallen into my situation and sort of lying at the bottom like sediment. Its a hole you cant get out of and this is where the system wants you to stay- and through guilt and shame they will continue to try to convince you your a bad person and need to conform and get a job and function and continue to keep quiet and hide what happened to you. Total brainwash and destruction of the self.

This is the same week. I wanted to just have a head shot for the ID so I didnt have to look at how much weight I had gained, which is effecting my health daily.
At this point I was taking herbs to maintain health no drugs no drink or smoking.

The depression was semi permanent and my mind was starting to become very average- as being harassed I am isolated from stimuli. My creativity was stunted as well.

that b*tch Julie shud enjoy this one as now I look miserable and fat just like her.Except I wud rather die adndont have a miilion dollars stocked away to take care of myself like SOME people do. and isnt that what makes human worth here in the USA? I can hear her making fun of this now, either that or totally seperating herself from it by saying I am just nuts..funny she was one of the few people who had the class to actually warn me by saying something about going crazy- then later of course she said she "didnt know anything about it"-my own mother just strung me along.

I started to lose a bit of weight as the sw is dry and one can get around. I think the shelter was actually managable then and I was at least sleeping minimally. You can see how tired I am but I got good at the game .


I learned to become a 'travelling kid' well not a kid at 38 but I got hip to the fact shelters are prisons with homebums who will most likely get in on the harassment. Trying to look happy but this one I can tell how upset I was really. It doesnt get any better- once you realize how many years youve lost and how much potential is gone you jsut get more upset. gang stalkers are control freaks who feel others are less than they and they have the right to control others fates. Really they are usually very threatened by the Targeted person and seek to keep them down AT ANY COST. Once this has been started the system both covert and legit will rarely admit it made a mistake, and will keep up the harassment until the target is dead or institutionalized...either that or silent about everything that happened.

You can laugh at this all you want. the organization of a covert network of people to totally desttroy someones life is totally feasable in this day and age. Technology used by 'smart mobs' can al;so be used for destructive ends. People get paid off, shortened jail time or favors for destroying a targeted individual. Its also used as a gang initiation like the stories you have read about shooting the pizza guy when he comes to the door. The kind of people used in organized stalking are either obsessive vigilantes or scum of the earth who want to continue to get away with being as such. Mental illness would not be so carefully documented nor would the person be so articulate. The times that I sound off I am either operating on no sleep at 38 years old (not the same as 25 years old) or I am sick physically. Still I plod on- at this age alot of people wud have given up by now..I will not. People need to stop believing what ever the system tells them out of fear and ignorace.
Gang stalking is a crime and it denies human rights, civil rights and the right to exist. It also interferes in many different ways with the justice system. The only way out most people have to not deal with this unpleasant subjectmatter is to deny the target any justice by sticking with the ridiculous idea they are merely mentally ill. If people are powerful enough and have enough money or enough to blackmail powerful men with, or if they are paranoid enough, they could easily pull something like this off.


  1. I get ganged up on a lot. One other person this evening was beating me down verbally, and then backing it up with trigger words the stalkers use to get me to freak. Of course one witness is always present.

    I'm a male, and I am always by myself, no witnesses. Of course they take full advantage of that situation. Well, I'm going to have to find me a nice friend, a companion who is female who will always stick close to me, who can witness the things done to me. With no witnesses around a TI, they are very big strong and brave and of course superior to the TI. They have their slander the other stalkers use to back up their toughness.

    Their campaign is very effective if TI is always alone. I was always a person who preferred to be by myself, and always hated conformity. So of course, I was a big juicy steak for the stalkers and perps to jump all over. Isn't it amazing how all of these perps and stalkers all have each others' backs? Meanwhile, we as TI's get to be discredited constantly, as troublemakers perhaps, so they can summon thugs to go after us.

    The thing is, they all have each others' backs, and they are good at burying the evidence as well as using tactics that are difficult to prove.

    If you dare dish any harassment back at them, they are quick to turn hard asses, because they know we are discredited anyways, and if anything happens, well the slander campaign will dismiss us as troublemakers who had it coming. I dared talk shit on PERPS, and they were quick to gang up, threaten, intimidate, jump, and get me drugged by intimidation.

    I'm going to have to get their names, and start keeping a journal of which person does what. I had some other girls come in, and drop hints as to who these thugs were in a directed conversation. I'll have to dig deeper to find out the names, so I can write them down in a notebook.

    Also, there are a lot of TI's who are also functioning as perps, who take part at some levels in harassing other TI's whom they perceive as being weaker or in a worse predicament than they are. Of course, my predicament is pretty bad, so there is no room for me to do something like this.

  2. Hi. I saw your video on YouTube. I am a T.I. as well. There are some excellent posts that describe gangstalking by someone who goes by "Satancan'thaveme" on Blogster. Is that you? Something in the YouTube video made me think it was. Do you know about the Yahoo groups for gangstalking? The main one is called "multistalking"

  3. nope not mine. Everything that I do says ONGANGSTAKLING on it and has the same pic. i do not go under any other names unless its my real one.