Spirit in Black

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Please be advised that this written work is theory. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. For legal reasons I state that I have no actual belief in these theories as fact, if I did I would have sought legal recourse. Until that occurs this blog can only be considered theory. If it does then any and all actions PAST AND FUTURE that have been taken against me during the years producing this work will be labeled war crimes under international law and any other legal protections that apply.
I am a writer, an activist and artist. I claim my RIGHT TO EXIST legally under US Constitution and international law.

This is an educational blog for awareness as well as sometimes a telling of candid personal experiences to demonstrate theories as they might be experienced by a person who theoretically is existing under such conditions. Thus the 'candid' expression, poetic license and marketing myself as product or character. This is NOT a journal or diary.
Being a reasonable person of sound mind if I had concerns for my safety or others I would take responsible action for self care as my established medical history can demonstrate.
Any actions taken against me by others questioning my sanity or competence based on my produced work will be construed as activist/dissident intimidation and whistle blower retaliation and proper legal action will be taken against you by my family and support system.

Be warned that no further interference with my production of meaningful work as an artist and activist will be tolerated.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Well, at least I know now that others aside from people complaining about 'gangstalking' are attesting to the existence of this happening and/or are experiencing it themselves.

Thats exactly what it has done, reduced my ultimate potential.
I especially love the specific mention of using mycotoxins..I kneeewww iiiittttt.

Alas, being programmed/an mc survivor, what makes it so easy to put an entire case together in your head over years while appearing wonderously stupid to onlookers and the info being hidden from my own consous mind..the very nature of programming includes a healthy dose of denial to aid with the survival of the persons mind. This is why I did not take any of this seriously yet I knew what I was putting together was quite serious. The playful childlike side could not allow me to admit this was all happening. I was conditioned in general to be quite trusting of the world and deny much of the horror of my own life as well as the world in general. I would not have survived very long had this not been the case.

The beauty of what they have done with the typical foreshadowing method or what I have dubbed 'chicken or egg?' tactic is:
if anyone who is a detractor or prefers to be ignorant wants to denounce my version or deductions all they have to do is say I am fabricating a story out of something that has occured naturally as normal, coincidental sequences of events and lots of 'bad luck' or my own insanity or stupidity.
The largest commetary I hear from the Oliver Twist squad( the peasant population of street types, jailbirds, etc who need to take in this on the side of the enemy this game for whatever gain they recieve or I suspect alot out of sheer ignorance to the larger story) are : "she's so stupid" and the ever popular " she dun lost her mind".
uumm its amazing to me that strangers would know the state of my affairs so readily. Its all part of the program remember: "dont you want to get out of this horrible situation? then work with the system a little more-prove to people u deserve to be respected, etc"

Just the whole disgusting mind controlling bag of tricks to get someone to conform to a new behavior. With me it seems to be 'forget what happened, forget what was done to you, start all over'. How would I achieve this? By becoming as emotionally deadened(giving up) as they are making me feel like...

A ittle secret fer ya: In alot of instances going insane is a choice.
Becoming 'dead' inside is giving in to coersion.
Changing yer personality unrealistically is allowing the oppressor's newly defined version of you (by keeping you down, destroying your mind etc) to be accepted by YOU as 'real'.

The painting I had on this wall was just fine..I liked it very much. Uhh, who said you, assholes, could come in and hang your own? This is MY fucking gallery(personage) and I will not be dictated to as to what appears here and what does not.

It pays to be programmed. There are inner structures they cannot touch with thier pathectic technologies. The best they can do is turn my internal world into ruins which is what they are doing.
Whoever is diong this is veeeerry curious about exactly what is inside my structures.
They're assholes, they have destroyed a huge amount of talent but thats what it says is the purpose of it all on the rest of the pages of the above mentioned sight.

"to destroy potential"..that they certainly have done. good goin.
Unfortunatley, all you had to do was ask..perhaps its more targeted false perceptions but something tells me non of this is giong to be worth what they have done to people.

None of this should have public either. For that I want extracted greatest payment.

Did they actually think cover staories were going to work nowadays? Its not the fuckin 60's any more. Does anyone actually believe anything told to them from any source since 2000?

I notice its ultimatley easier to simply turn away. Why try to measure out truth when avoidance works much better.
Its always like this. No one is concerned about what is happening on these levels until it happens to them. Its always a secret nod to 'better them than me' on most people's part.

What is most annoying are the seemming common people I see with very faint little smiles when they pass. Not 'perp' smiles but..its just eerie. Its probably a very subtle tactic and whatever it is I need to ignore it.

Aside this article made me feel better becuz I tire of the 'gangstalking' loop which leads to no answers just a group of people talking about it and somehow still having lives. Its obvioulsly psy ops and other such warfare horrors and its interesting to investigate the shams set up to keep targets trapped.

I have not investigated the people printing this article, I will jsut to see if they really are who they say they are. Alot of targets seem to not do I like the only real target on this planet? Why is no one seemilgly capable of hardcore investigation? Being targeted does make things difficult-often. From what I have seen, genuine targets dont live very long and thier lives are miserable. If they are public, detractors-perp and the ignorant are horribly malicous to us long suffering people.

Its like we dont exist.

Well, one thing is for recent writings over the past week are a testiment to the effectiveness of sleep deprovation on a target, thats for sure.
And i am staying in shelters so i hav esuch limited time and energy. I am starting to faulter in adirection i cannot allow. I must get out of Boston as soon asa I can. This place makes complacency too easy. "goo ahead..give up thinking. give up your creative mind. just coast in the system..come oonn. Its easier that way. arent you tired Rach?". I mean this is the handling mentality that is so sickening.

As a person targeted for life I have been thru this before, now i realize thru the normal processing of hidden trauma due to programming and thru the more subtle gangstalking system I had been in until 1996 that was similar to blacklisting but i had a handler of sorts and served a purpose so i was allowed to exist i suppose... very minimally.

The whole thing is jsut sickening and I have the feeling this is never going to stop but I have hope sometimes that it will and there will be justice done.

I dont think so however. The public either knows about this already and feels powerless or doesnt care or people dont want to believe. If this system does get discovered I hope it isnt much later when we are all very most admissions of human experimentaions have been.
My biggest fear is that we will live in such a psycho 'civilized' society that no one will know any better. Its like the peoples of the world want this to come into being. I think they belive its all worth it and who cares if alot of cranks and worn out people get destroyed.

Yet i am in Boston, land of people acting like ape savages in thier dealings with a civil front so like i said i need to go asap the terrain of this enviroment is killing me.

They are reeaaalllly good at handling targets. Thats almost what makes the place more infuriating opposed to anything else. this sort of " why fight, cant you see we prevail?" crap.

Its my hometown so the natural familiarity and love is making this place especially dangerous. It provides me with familiarity of the enviroment thus minimizing my stress, but the above mentioned is becoming obviously deadly to me.. plu s, the mold exposure levels i ma experiencing is only adding to my damage....hmm, i now see why its was so important fo rsome parties to recently claim i was a hypochondriac (behind my back of course) becuz i thought i had damage or even an allergy to mold. Uhh are u medical doctors. I do have evidence you know.
Of my own bodies condition and the enviroment i was exposed to.
But i see no..the whole story once put together if not properly investigated is simply Rachael being insane or hysterical or attention seeking or excuse making etc etc.

All the guilty looks from the populus from coast to coast, especially in my beloved hometown city, tells me i am validated and my version, after yaers of struggle and investigation without many days of is reality.

Yet, i am a woman who has people supposedly key in my life who are willing to bear false witness agasnt me(you know, the a-holes in your life who betray u when they are setting the stage for the last phase of thisa nonsense, thinking you'll fall into line(labeling) if everyone importatn to you turns against you without question.....well, being programmed opposites are often true-inverse warrants investigation.
One must question the very motives of why key people in ones life would turn against one without investigation of ones said circumstances, purposely leaving out key 'evidence' (facts) and the amount of sheer nastiness i encountered would let anyone know somthing was wrong with said picture. Guilty much? And the outrageousness of the strong aremed nessof it all. Its mind blowing..but this is Boston. A place veeery used to gettting its way especially in the way of corruption.

I will have you know something my beloved little city..
the world is changing and its getting smaller as it expands
everyone is now capable of being under a microscope
and sadly your days are numbered.
The old ways of doing things are on the way out.
If the NWO
will advocate for stopping this kind of blatant corruption
and erradicate your kind
I, once an opponent
am all for it.
Certain small burroughs of this city
are out of step with time.
And like the hiding snivelling cowards they are
like thier great grandfathers before them
they will do exactly what the true authority of this country dictates
and they will sit in offices, laughing and joking with thier heavy north east accents
soon to be of antiquity
oblivious to what goes on outside this insulated little area of the world
until it smacks them right down off thier swiveling chairs
and bar stools.

While in St. Louis I experienced doses of reality that were refreshing and encouraging. Policemen getting in trouble doing something dumb in a bar. All forms of local corruption exposed and addressed. A much less serene enviroment but one smacking of reality. It was the very thing I'd always been craving to expereince but didnt quite know what was lacking about my life in Boston, ma.
Yes, St. Louis was edgy , unsettleing,sometimes maddening and outright heartwrenching.
Yet the exposure of people reacting like healthy humans to the pressures of daily life or a harsh urban enviro was reassuring and felt safer.. Boston is remenscent of a serial killr who gets all his aggression out so no one sees it. Its what goes on in this seemingly safe little city that no one sees, most people know and sheepishly accept that it that is most frightening.

There is a very old structure to this city that basically states 'this is the way it is'-so fall into your place in it and do not argue..the corrupt wealthy and its muscle have all the power.
Its so damn.. final. And its very mind controlling. You cant really see it until you leave for a long stretch of time.
Perhaps it just has always sucked for me becuz my 'place' being that of a prole from 1984 isnt quite to my liking...and I'll probly die instead of tolerating anymore lies.

I am not stupid nor am I crazy ..though some people would think it safer to take on that comaflauge to survive in this situation. Why should I ?
I am supposed to be dead anyway, so anything other than fighting for who I really am and what the truth really is registers as death.
Y die twice?

The whole expereince has been extremely damaging but I stubbornly hang onto the idea that I have value...the people I am at odds with want to make the lost cause/crank/aging female marketing bullsh*t schtick. Rmember its all always marketing.
Keeping someone down is a form of marketing ..u r marketing that person to the public as non valueable..mix it with a good cover story and the person is a shoo in for a throw away anyway. If the person is held down long enough, they will grow into your set up perception for them especially if they give up thinking and feeling. This is an example of forshadowing or 'which came first, chicken or egg? '

Destroy someones potential, especially with brain damage present and u have a zombie on your hands u can control if u push thier spirit down enough.

U know I have noticed thier is a strong resemblance in this type of targeting to the Haitian voodoo zombie phenomena. Its documented by a Harvard scientist...the possibility of it has been..thru studying the drugs involved and his talking to the voodoun themselves. I hear its especially popular over in Africa for helping to beat ones opponents in elections, which to my mind is somewhat charming becuz in Africa it would be in the cultures pure form. Its only 'natural'. Yet for it to resemble what is occuring as part of the targeting here in this country...that jsut pisses me of it really does. And who exactly thinks they are entitled to that kind of power over here? They better be African American becuz if I find out that who ever is incharge of psy ops and black ops is exposing me to some perverted, borrowed form of black magic or parelleled thru science/actions of whites by them getting the idea from there or god help us the drugs used from studies done there I am going to be thouroughly insulted. Not humiliated, insulted.

I did find a chicken foot outside the apartment in Brighton-I kicked it to St. E's and buried it at the foot of Mother Mary, the closest thing you are goung to find to a protective mother figure in this stupid John Wayne obsessed culture. Its Boston, the Celtic traditional idea of certain women having authority is something people are comfortable with here. I noticed in MO there's Jesus hangin everywhere but no attention to Mary or any other female diety. It screwed up my morale thats for sure.
The chicken foot I figured was just a psych out but other things happened that were very nasty resembling a voodoun working on stealing my soul. Will I ever get my Lady of the Lake necklace back that was my longest owned peice of jewely and had so much of my energy on it? I highly doublt it, I have for years no imagined that it is most likely on a thin rope wrapped around the lid of a jar..with my spirit contained with in..

Dose it really matter what humans do to aquire ultimate power? Through a combination of thier own imaginations and science to destroy someone? Its always been this way, and the new war is for the mind and its waged with information.

Perhaps in this enviromen tI would not be happy and it might be such and ugly and different future that I would not want to take part anyway. Perhaps ultimatley that is why i am targeted. I represent the old ways compared what is to come.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

deprogramming is going to cause my suicide

I realize now that the possible reason I have been experiencing behavior modification for years now is that parties unknown to me knew I was programmed and this is thier way of dealing with it.

Coersive deprogramming techniques have proven not to work and have been de bunked and frowned upon for years now. The way I have been treated over the past many years has been similar to the Tavistock method for dealing with 'shellshock' soldiers and deprogramming them.

It also resembles I read today, the classic abusive deprogrammer techniques.

This is extremely valuable to everyone involved becuz it makes it so I do not work peacefully with a therapist and hypnotist; I would've remembered too much that way.
These people want to cover their asses and they believe this is the sure way-to break me down instead with constant harassment, sexual harassment, humiliation, druggings, gassings, demoralization, and a sexual targeting that is either from technology or an implant.(rape -like the old corrupt deprogrammers used to do). Rape and druggings...and isolation thru abduction. Isnt that essentially what has happened to me? I have been abducted from my old life via betrayal and gangstalking.

gangstalking is nothing but psy ops anyway. I should rename my blog "on psyops".

The sexual targeting or unwanted arousal is the key ingredient in controlling someone. over time, when associated with triggers and sexual harassment it actually somehow works its way up into the will power center making the target docile and sickeningly compliant. You start associating sexual experiences with everything from perps to anyone in uniform. This they especially need to get me into becuz I did not grow up with a father in my home, only in the foster home before age 6 and still the woman was the dominant figure. It has been focused on by perps how I am trying to be like a man, I am too independent, I was too sexual (which they mix with shame often) though I havent been with anyone since a handler named scott A. severely scarred me for life in connection to trusting lovers--but I have deducted for a time now that his abuse/intense stimulation method was meant to 'prime' me for this program of modification anyway--which is why its prob desirable I be with no man. ..its a really sick use of sex for the modification of a females attitudes and personality..

I have absolutley no support and whatever the 'cover story' is it works so well on people that most people are going along with this program and I cant seem to get anyone to help me.

the perps know everything anyway..

I must protest that this is NOT the way to deprogramm someone. All they've done is destroy my intell and artistic qualities and without art work i can never be happy. My looks are gone and my heal;th is bad becuz medical people hav ebeen abusive so i am afraid to go even to the dentist for absessed tooth.

I cannot believe I spen tmy life as a programmed perspn, had the sanity and guts to break free and all i get is thsi insulting nonsense..

u hav eto remember, these people are sick minded..they will hand thier children over so i can see tehm thinking(especially my family members) this is "good" or an act of love.

they do not live in the real world..or at leasr in a healthy one.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

rest..oh, yeah

yeah, and i expect no nonsense today as i try to rest.
You want nonsense ? be men for once and give me a fucking bullet becuz gassings really suck and the drugging thing is so stupid..why would i, a recovering addict from 15 years back, not realize my consciousness was being altered (duh). These fucks are jsut into torturing people and thats all.

oh, concerning that girl L... L looks alot like an old associate of mines friend's ex- girlfriend. If this is who i think it is..kudos on 'training' her. good job jerks. The look in her eye of pain late at night if she's drinking makes me want to get my hands on yo skinny ass and beat your nuts black and blue . Thats what handlers deserve.

sorry, i got angry. no one who's a victim of mind control deserves more pain. but what do we do with those who have been conditioned to enjoy pain? who knows?

I am sure i will be horrified by how bad these writing s are tomorrow..none of it matters tho does it?


Yes, I have a room tonite. I struggle, every day..why? becuz I am a targeted individual since 1996.
Its so strange that since Romney got into office in 2003 and Iraq was invaded that targets all over but in my case MA complain about thier targeting becoming unbearable.

Hmmm... came across Ann Romney's picture.It caught my eye... familiar. How so?

A little horrible brat came to the hostel in MO (run by a man from important man) to harass the shit out of me last month. You would not believe how rude she was. I put up w/ it becuz I am worn down and becuz she's only 21..I was obnoxious at that age as well.
While drunk one night in her Mr. Hyde phase, she told me her grandfather was an executive for some Detroit car corporation and her mother sent her to a Waldorf school, which after appearing miserable about it, she immediatley found something positive in it. Lets call her L.

She was all right at first as long as you put up with her crap, and she seemed to partially acknowledge the gangstalking, but wasnt kind about it, she herself having 'perp' behaviors.

So she looks just like Ann (Davies) Romney.The eyes are unmistakable, as well as the facial bones.
From wikipedia:
Bloomfield Hills consistently ranks as one of the top five wealthiest cities in the United States/. Ann Davies was born on April 16, 1949. Her father, Edward Davies, once served as part-time mayor of her hometown, Bloomfield Hills, Mich. She has two brothers, Jim and Rod./0. Ann and Mitt have 11 grandchildren.

The owner of the hostel had no prob w/ her awful behavior.
Her next phase of perpdom after gaining my trust was to , like everyone else who's the enemy in this, convince me in yet another, srictly perp initaited conversation, how wonderful drugs from psychiatrists are and later she would suggest pills from the doctor to 'make everything allright."

These are the most dangerous perps becuz they acknowledge what is happening to the target but seem to always eventually make the target feel bad somehow (she later stated that things would be better if I worked with the system a little more, really made me feel as if I was not handling being targeted well enough. this was a common theme at this complex.)
These are the perps who keep trying to get u into psychiatry when they are corrupt to begin w/. They also paint a picture of your life that consists of u having to learn to live with being a target and behave accordingly. These kinds of perps are NEVER outraged enough about what is happening to me or any other target for it to be healthy or normal.

Well, it seems Romney's family was in the auto industry. All one has to do is recall the horrors that Nader had to go thru when dealing with GM in order to realize 'gang stalking' and smear campaigns are a normal weapon in the corporate arsenal of the motor city crowd. "George W. Romney, 88, a former secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development, governor of Michigan, chairman of American Motors Corp. and a contender for the 1968 Republican presidential nomination, died July 26 at his home in Bloomfield Hills,..."

So to this girl its her families m.o. probably. Also, the most obnoxious person in the world named Wayne lives there with his spacey(seemingly so anyway) wife..who never gets in trouble for anything and other residents alleged attempts to call child services or other organizations on him end in a big yawn from the city. L. seemed veery fond of and tolerant of this sexist peice of sh*it, but then again useless old drunks with some colorful schtick are often amusing to 20 yr olds.
He's a perp I suspect. Suspect is all I can do but when the perps passing through whisper stories about how clever it is that Wayne can seem so crazy 'off stage' and normal 'onstage' I was dealing with some kind of mind games. Either saying that in itself is a mind game or its sane individual who came thru the hostel called the place purposfully anti-intellectual and described Wayne as a"human jammer" akin to a radio jammer. He babbles about really stupid stuff non stop and opne can tell its an act. L. would just sit there and smirk with her boyfriend as Wayne would torture me w/ incessant nonsense-especially at my birthday party which I knew would be nothing more than just perp entertainment but L insisted..of course.

I could not wait to get out of there. L had this ability to crush me with her presence, to take over the whole area and it was just too much considering how mean she was about the gangstalking.
Also, every perp who came thru there she was friendly with.
This one was nasty..know why its even creepier? becuz I discovered my suicide programming contained an old country song that was the trigger-I've been playing it over and over agian for all my life in my head finally it came up for play as a major command. I had to fight this sequence of commands with everything I had..why do u think perps are so not scary to me? Compared to programming things going on on the outside are easy..its the internal world that is frightening. (which would explain the dumb attempts at behavior modification, which are helping to destroy my internal structures and will only lead me to suicide anyway. these a*holes seem to be trying to save me from suicide programming without having me recall memories-covering thier asses. Its all been wiped anyway-whats to remember? and i am sure that the 'shes crazy" label is so being served right now by me being exhausted trying to write this, pissed off and all.

Now I am still trying to to deprogram all this time and I have to deal with what memories havent been wiped from stress and brain damage all by myself.
I barely function and instead of having peaceful last years I am forced to be cheap entertainment for a bunch of rich brats in the know. But what else was a mind control slave created for? These people are real assholes of the highest degree and I notice one theme is very consistent with the perps-always make the target feel like they are not talented or special or intelligent. It is of the utmost to keep the person handled.
A large part of the city of Boston looks like they are either bewildered or pissed I am still walking around.

Welcome to programming.

Looks like it was YOU who did not know what you were getting yourselves into. I will not stop telling or getting to the truth until I am dead and the stress of gangstalking kills me. I will not cease until I win or the balance has been restored. Human rights violations right under yer noses and u dont care.

What do you expect in this country where brats sit around watching "Gone baby gone" and such other representations of a world they readily judge but know little about. Why is it, that the little girl in that movie is damned..whatta you, a f*uckin fortune teller? The kid might grow up to be a great artist or writer or human rights activist...she may need to suffer to help others like her.
And let me tell you, just becuz its some civil servant with a nice home as foster care doesnt mean anything. You, as observer have NO idea what that guy does in private. She might have a better life with the screwed up party head mother-IF one is being realistic.
USING OBJECTIVE TRUTH TO MEASURE REALITY. Facts and research, not snobbery based on what we wish a happy world would look like if only cops and rich people rescued all the little children..give me a break. This is why targets and dying out here.. these kinds of movies shape your reality and yoiu dont even care or notice.

What happened to dimensions? The movie is so..flat. Christ/devil , good/bad. There is no result that is intimated except that at the end you and your fellow movie goers are suppoed to argue over how controversial it was and how the little girls life may turn out or may have turned out. I rarely encountered people coming up with real life endings, like she may grow as all creatures in nature grow-wiht scars from her wounds and an expectant healing through joining with your fellow man. This is obviosly what they do not want you to see.
Random chaos is the only true friend of the subjegated, the lost the abused. It provides true chance in a world wher everything MUST be controlled or it is a threat.

Let me tell you another alternate ending: how about she displays so much gift and talent that she become targeted by the gangstalking system. Then she will end up just how you'd expect its predicted except part of the process is hidden from the matter. It ends how its managed to end anyway.
And ya never know..they may have had her programmed in that damn foster home so the little girl is doomed to jump from the freedom train anyway and if she wont..they will push her off.

Perhaps a simple white trash life where you know nothing and nothing is expected of you is better. I think its a luxury compared to my ending. They all look so happy-just to be. To Be. Or to be with thier families. How would you like to have to play intrigue with your own family all your life with a reward of nothing? No family name, no money, no title, no pride. Just secrets.
And no future, even if you want one.

When you are programmed you basically wake up to your own death. The worst part is nobody cares, nody wants to be honest. If they do they change up real quick becuz obviuosly they get approached.

I have been insulted enough-people need to stop handling me. I am not stupid-I see u coming believe me its jsut i have to pretend to be stupid sometimes to survive, sadly other times it sbraindamage from mold exposure, gassings, druggings-and i am sure that someone somewhere is just dying to tell me I need antipsychotics..what do I have toxoplasmosis? You cant treat what the targeting has done to me with pills from the psych establishment. of course if u persist in trying to cover your asses, yes, that would be what you would do. I have been waaay to exploited and people to cruel and viscous to me for this to be a problem with just me.

I am going to publish this..even though its all over the place, rambling and low quality becuz i need to. in case somehthing happens i need to know some info is out there. i still do not believe anyone a matter of fact i beleive people are jsut waiting for me to finish flailing and its over. no more worry about that annoying 'problem' Rachel.
Beauty talent, intel potential all ruined. This is Americas dirty little secret. Other countries are correct -this is a satanic culture.

Journal for yesterday: last nite i spent at a Cambridge wet shelter where staff was nice to me but when all the drunks and druggies woke up they had this campaign of coming over to the couch and coughing right on leaning down into the couch where they let me sleep. Well, its prob informant central in that place, plus Cambridge has a major guilt trip for what they did-or they simply consider me dead woman walking..a cop just looked away if he had any fuckin right to considering. One day u will be very old or you'll have an accident or chemical exposure which will make youget brain damage and you may deprogram..I've seen the old cops. You can see the ptsd going over thier eyes scene after scene..over and over again. How else could u deal with the realities of what goes on?

My grandmother told me to stay out of Cambridge and Brookline becuz if I didnt "it will simply be a war back and forth" this day I still have no idea what she was infering or refering to but i simply took it in as a clue but not as truth. Why, if there was something so severe going on did they not help me, expose me to some legal advise or explain the situation fully? becuz as i sensed then is what is written out in fact in a solved case now..they were full of sh*t and handling me.
After I put my name on a gangstalking activism group and started doing conference calls
months later i call my grandmother, keeping what i've been doing in a seperate file of course, and she just goes in the opposite direction all by herself. I revealed nothing to her. I told her it was organized crime and politley hung up. ------------

I just had the worst flashback of a cloudy thin veil between states where I faintly remember me saying robotically to my grandmother "grandma, i take my clothes off for money" refering to my newfound art modeling career, which i had no reason to be ashamed of. Then in a fully awake state moments later i wouldnt tell her what i was doing for a new job and she said something about 'you wouldnt need a bathrobe' or ' you wouldnt be afraid to tell me what your doing " or somehting shameful as a set up in a normal sort of tone and then really dark and mean: "unless you were tatking your clothes off" front of people or for a living ..i forget. That is one of the original breaks in alterted states where i realized what i was. It also realized to my lifelong fear that i should not trust my family.

I wish i imagined all this. U do not understand how tired i am or how i want to rest or die to rest i am so exhausted, but my system is conviced there is something worth fighting for. personally i believe what it really is is just the last burst of energy left in the system. I could have had a nice and full life but it seems the perps and the gs system would prefer i burn myself out which is really what i am doing.
if i thought that getting labeled would save me from the harssment i woulda done it by now. If i hadnt come out of programming so far that i cannot go back to a life of compartmentalization i would buy into the lie, the sleep. but i cannot will not lie. besides, with everyone haviing this horrible habit of thinking and acting like they are smarter than me, really the world leaves me little choice.
other people got paid off with great favors for helping to perp me or put me down and i am offered a label and the mere promise of low income housing for those sufficiently labled(awwww, a little spot on the shelf for me so they can put me in my place-away and safe from the eyes of an increasinlgy aware curious public. DONT---MOTHAF*CKIN---THINK___SO... .. .)

I am not naive.. i know the world stopped 'watching' in the late '90s. but the stragglers..MmmMm. ...-...-.The curious. They'll always be eyes to see . always be people who want to think and get out of the damn matrix. Warning however.
there aint nothing out here but condemnation.
what i am doing serves no other purpose but to warn others waking up and perhaps add to testimonies of others. It would be easy enough to wipe all this out if it served thier purposes beleive me. I feel people like me and myself are either entertatinment for the public, our death is a ritual in itself or the A-holes that Be have some purpose in letting this become common knowledge now. They would never allow the internet to exist the way it does if it was not to lead to much in the way of exposure of hidden things. The reason alot of mc survivors are surviving is becuz of the internet.

-------------- another thing that still chills me about my mother is her saying to me " i'm very interested in the way your mind works" which is sick to the maximum becuz that means my programming breaking down was prob on purpose from the mold exposure and now i feel i have to 'tell' to save my life.
She knew..or one of her alters knew. The ultimate power trip. Yet after all is said and done not only is she just another victim but she and every other perp was only able to pull any of this off becuz they are cowards using superior knowledge against me.
NooOot faaaaiiir.

Its akin to trying to murder someone hooked up to a machine in a coma in intensive care. oh, u r soo brave.
u r an assasin and thats all u r. Like the rest of us u performed a function. there is nothing creative or willful about what any perp does. its degrading to see such peoploe have ultimate control over me when really i would prefer to be councelling, drawing and volunteering.

You realize of course u never get off the list. Its down and then out and then its over. read my other entries, these people are inhumanly heartless and u r nothing but a target, an old mc survivor that needs to 'go' or you are to be labeled or modified/silenced in some other way so that lies will rule your life again for the rest of your life-just after u fought so hard to find out what really happened. the perps are programmed in some way..there is no fighting that.

No one is ever going to respond to me anyway..the policy with me is to ignore me. I have 0 credentials and there are a line up of people prob waiting to agree i am nuts. i can see.. i can feel they are juuuust waiting for me to burn out and finally fall. No one (excpet the occasooinal perp-who-cares. arent they great? they have all the real info as well.) is ever going to admit to what is really going on becuz that is how i am being handled every damn day and they kinow its destroying me every damn day..peoples disregard for logic and fact is downright painful to me.

i am done for now.. all i can say is its a little strange to have that girl come to the hostel and act like such a jerk..knowing whats up with the gagnstalking as well.
well, if everone REALLY wants peace dont come after me..stop covert war. stop letting people get targeted with technologies that make them sick or crazed.
if there were no disease or enviro allergy i doubt if violence would still exist on the earth.

something perverse in me..makes me happy to think that the crazed eyes of some wealthy perp onlooker who doesnt even know why he or she hates me is caused by brain lesions, parasitic disease, chemical exposure, or programming and inside perhaps they are miserable...still miserable. I am not miserable-I only burn, every day. And soon I shall burn up like coming into the atmosphere and I will evaporate. No more suffering, no more waiting.

I have this rather pleasant perp suspect in my life. I am not enjoying however being mirrored with Galial Gibran is it even worth spelling right anyway?) As a kid in the 70's I thought it was crap and I still do. This is a perp tactic..what he's doing is making me feel bad about the pre comming out phase/work i was doing in my apartment when they slammed me. He also knows that this is a constant reminder of 'we can see you, we saw u' thus wer get to judge you bullshit. untrue. becuz i have never been shown any video anything..i've heard perps whisper of such a thing but its thier JOB to misinform a target. why should i belive in something that shouyld not exist anyway. I dont recall signing a model release. If there is a video lets see where its origins come from so i can sue or worse, and find out who is responsible. who gives a shit? really? My deprogramming is soooo much more important than some smear campaign where obviously now my ex has become a propaganda writer for the ass*oles. Not that I have set eyes on that either.. one skinny perp bitch from Scottland at the hostel came right up to my face and jsut walke dby and said nothing but the word "grace" u think i care? who cares who they get to do their dirty work so i cant get hypnotized and remember names faces places...i jsut hope he's happy. he looks too damn skinny and he looks like he's a piece of industry shit now. The man i knew is dead..let it be so. This is the way its played and thank god.whatever i have some guidance.
There are so many more stories but its all the same. Lets keep u in a prison of guilt and confusion.
I am not going to feel bad about a period of my life where not only was I deprogramming, fighting 3 layers of suicide programming, being exposed to mold and targeted with technologies I was being gangstalked by foot soldiers as well aannd I sought help from therapists, psychologists who's aggression consisted of negligence. Not doing anything to help me.

Understand that the people involved in this are extremely selfish..i can and always sense that Jake is not only protected by someone but that the ultimate result is that I let him go emotionally, which i would have loved to have done had i not been railroaded..but that would've consisted of me moving on to something better not everyone putting ME down.

Its no that i couldnt have done better thatn all the peopel i used to know but it wasnt meant to be that way. the people doing this have power you dont want to know about..lets say the whole society is managed and privacy is just an illusion. The idiots they sent after you might possibly..possibly, be programmed psychics. They are really nasty and they dont seem to waiver from their purpose. I cant fight that..not for this damn long.

Believe me or not I stand by my story of the gassing on the bus a few weeks ago. One can only stand so much of that as a reality. And in TN the perps saying 'she's JUST a target'...its not normal natural or healthy. Its covertly violent and anyone who wants to be part of that must still have thier programming intact or the ability to be deprogrammed. I cannot do that nor will I.
And this whole program of deception and behavior modification is just ridiculous.
Do you honestly believe someone is going to whixk me back to the potential I had years ago? Do u think my enemies old and new are going to apologize? These assholes are group thinkers who actaully believe that every tribe needs a sacrifice. That is ancient ritualistic behavior and its unalterable as far as I can see.

Maybe Georgie's new world order will get them to more "law of the jungle'..if it punishes my enemies or makes people stop ruining brilliant minds and uncharted potential..or even just stops thme from hurting an mc survivor who's trying to heal.. i am all for it.

if i cant have life why should anyone else...ooh, thats right. u really dont have your own lives according to your own will.
you obey fear and authority like whipped dogs..see how much it has taken them to beat me down?
Most of you went belly up at the mere suggestion of punishment for no compliance.
Or you bought into the perfect blackmail system-get everyone pissed at the target and then a takedown is easy..everyone wants to see it happen.

why was i targeted since 1996 when i was doing so well? why was i targeted since 1996 when i was doing so well?
Why was i targeted since 1996 but only slammed in 2003?

My suggestion is obey yer suicide programming, becuz its meant to protect you against assh*les like the ones who are destroying me now. If you want to get a bit of revenge for being handed the lottery ticket as sacrifice then stick arounf, cost them money and drive them nuts...but its going to hurt and they will make sure you have no comforts. you will break down physically , emotionally and mentally and psychically you will become powerless. They will destroy your inner world and turn your beautiful inner structures into ruins.
You'll become basically a damaged machine that is so angry/energized it just keeps on limbo. becuz you are made angry everyday and never allowed to express anger you will have it running thru your veins but it isnt natural for us to be this way especially for so long with no rest period or regeneration period.

The mental and emotional torture is not worth it.. i simply remain becuz i was fucked over so royally by a huge group of frightened, hiding cowards that truth is my only revenge.

Remember if u blog the perps wil use it or get off on it prob. but..they hate exposure so go for it.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

sick of perps

I am sick of the assh*les who always seem to have that stupid look on thier faces like they know all our secrets.
i am tired of beign threatened and living under duress while everyone who screwed me over gets hard to attain grants, funding, jobs, protection from prosecution.
I am sick of no one seeming to care about me except the perps who care only continue to harass.

I have absolutely had it with persons in position of authority having the WORST stupid grins becuz they seem to think they know more than anyone about my situation. Enough with the arrogant security guards..these fucks are the biggest idiots becuz they seem to have the ability to know everything the cops do about a target /survivor but they dont have to have any professionalism whatso ever becuz they are not accountable.

Is there a reason people are programmed then tortured by assholes as they try to become fully functioning human beings when they deprogram? Is there even any reason at all that someone deprogramming should be exploited on the internet(allegedly)?

wanna know why? becuz they do not care what u know and dont know anymore about mind control. They seem to be getting sloppy but the message is basically "too bad thats the way the world is going". They dont care who sees at all anymore...they want u to see. So all the GOOD people are victimized right along with the victim and all the people who are sadistic or dont care get thier sh*t off-"if u do evil for us, go along with us, you'll inherit the whole earth".

Thier is no other explaination as to why people would treat a mc survivor so cruelly, unless of course its as i thought..they are all satanists in thier thinking and thier living. They enjoy seeing a person destroyed and here is thier chance to get in on something and feel important.

I see all these jerks, male and female before they ever get a chance to see me coming.

Yer all quite fuckin lucky i am being kept down.

I absolutley refuse to live this stupid lie anymore where i travel from place to place, getting perped. i was probably mind controlled in to traveling under some false ideal i would actually hav e alife someday just so different regoins could make money off me.
It wont be happening anymore. Save yer stupid grins-yer nothings.

I was 10 times the potential of being a talent at writing or artwork than any of my detractors..
oh, but the world doesnt need another artist or needs another dead deporogrammed mc survivors.

You can all go fuck yourselves and I hope you suffer greatly in the coming years.

Finally i've said my peace. i no longer will keep silent out of fear from my stupid mothers family who should have been destroyed years ago by some natural disaster (oh, if only there WAS a god). will not be dictated to by them anymore nor the people who support them.

If you've lied to get me into this horrible life I've had to live for years now, u will pay.

The wonderful mechanism, the intelligence known as nature has a tendency to work out payment.

Enjoy your neew trucks, your immunity , your grants, your funding, your inflated sense of self, your feeling of false superiority.

It s all gained thru the buy now pay later plan.


And as for my bitch mother who has been controlling me for years if she even dares involve herself in my affairs ever again....restraining order will be slammed on her. Also, there are some things clever accounting cant fix. Now I know why people turn on her-not becuz they are crazy but becuz she is scum.
Anyone who does not pay homage to this sick twisted fuck by fearing her will be destroyed by her.

I am done fearing her. What sickens me is all the so called responsible authority figures who are into what she's doing.. now i get the sick smiles.

An informant in CT sould not help himself but to mirror me with my own story, in it most disturbing was the way he desrcribed me "being raised very submissive".. untrue.

She sold me out as always and she has helped them put me on the run, she is not the sole cause of it.
If I was truly submissive I would've internalized that families and her repeated attempts to break me years ago. I probably also would've obeyed my suicide programming unconditionally.

It was always about Danny(my father). If I had a political point of view that was different after one sentence came out of my mouth it was "now you sound like ya faatha" (always keep it anti-intellectual). All my strength and might to fight the mind control tactics that were so an innate part of that family was blamed on bad DNA..what I've always known at gut level is my father must be very dissident as well as have some talent for remaining logical under pressure. Something they cannot stand becuz it screws up ' the keep her down' tactics.

Now the perps do it every damn day, cosigned by my asshole family of course who I never hope I have the displeasure of setting eyes on again. The perps feel its ok, as I've seen from the info from that CT informant, becuz my family co signs it..

You know. Ya never really know. I could live and keep my sanity. I could be the winner in this not group after group of weak assh*les who has to gang up on me to win.

Hedge your bets now... and for those who have already bet against me-u better hope I get real depressed and go back to enacting my suicide programming.

Your in luck, thats probly what will happen. Actually I hope thats what happens. It may be better to go out peacefully and retain the holier than thou status. What good are humans anyway?
Look at the gangstalking system...look what they do to other humans.
this whole time I've been going on the premise that this a lost world and they are simply not worthy of my anger. Why? Its obviously what has been agreed upon by most people, right? That I am a dead woman walking. You idiots have no idea what kind of dead WORLD walking you are.
]I aint mad at ya..I always try not to be. Why should I? You've made your decisions based upon wha tu thought were winning odds. Here is a vulnerable girl who has been made out to be the worlds biggest asshole by a bunch of self serving greedy f*ucks and we want to get tin on the action, right? She's got no chance, no power-lets have a free for all, she's total fair game.

Whats to be angry with- you guys SUCK!

True justice

I am weary of Targets stating that "innocent people" are being destroyed by covert war. All kinds of people are targets of covert activities/operations for varied reasons. It might be people who are far from a common perception of 'innocent' but have sensitive info about something or someone-etc, etc.

1) define "innocent".
the problem here is that innocent or guilty is supposed to be defined by a court of law through due process. This is the very reason 'gang stalking' exists. It is a way of exploiting human beings illegally or getting rid of human beings-illegally. So tampering with this judgment simply validates the persons involved in these covert activities..basically when any one poses the problem this way it sounds like they are begging for their lives, trying to claim their innocence in vain(which usually makes the public more suspect anyway) and sounds in general more fantastic and unbelievable.

All of us...out here fighting for our lives, identities and souls every f*ckin day.

Please be more responsible when you blog or at least put up a disclaimer or pose some doubt and try to show cause. In other words remain logical. If this is not your nature please at least put some 'maybe' s or 'ifs' into your point of view. Adding to the confusion is exactly part of their plan.

Without official recognition of covert activities against any target and especially without people who do know the law and possible target's rights just sitting back and letting us be destroyed by this system without stepping forward up to the plate on our behalf, the perps can continue to claim we are either mentally ill, its all conspiracy theory or simply deny what is happening.
Pertinent amusing story:
Today a perp stared at me intently in Harvard square. The place where all the cool people used to congregate was filled with rats today, the human kind. The guy had one of those faces that looked like it came off the homepage of He just kept smirking, knowingly(we know all yer secrets) and demandingly (you will give your life over to us, we own yo ass), I wanted to gouge his blue eyes out but instead I just informed him that gang stalkers sucked and so did informants. "what? gang stalking?"--- "oh, conspiracy". I then informed him it was rather 'a plot of evil design' from the Jurist Prudence and that he looked like the type that was probably well associated with the text. He said " what do you mean, I'm a Christian."As I walked away he shouts "wanna see my bible?". Only in Boston could a cop/criminal type make 'wanna see my bible' sound...dirty. Typical..saw a news story, TV, today earlier : " Masseuse Accused of Dirty Practice". In Boston, sex is still 'dirty'.. and to the perps with my former lifestyle as well as the way I look and am built I am dirty. Actually it has more to do with whole place pivoting on this cleanliness close to god which never could be achieved-and never need be. He thinks HE's dirty-that's his problem. More displacement on a target. His Catholic Irish mother prob disapproved of him, prob while secretly admiring his wild ways. Welcome to the ever confused mind control reality of Boston. The whole place is mc central and no one even knows how f*cked they are. Leave-you'll be better off. Unless u like being chained to a thousand different conditions equating limitations concerning how you belong where u were born and they'll be no upward mobility for you! What is this, f*cking England? Give it up!
There is a world beyond New England, go see it. Especially if u r poor. U will realize u have value and Boston is a very limiting city unless u have money, connections or both. Who u r doesn't matter here and potential seems to go to sh*t.

Most limitations created by other humans upon you are false. They are manufactured-do not believe them. Investigate and question them.

2) In order to exercise the justice system fully the worst, most criminal and perceived immoral targets should be mentioned always and portrayed as also wrongly targeted.
Why? The reason is that we have a supposed functioning justice system..why then do we need covert activities to punish people?
The idea or perception that this is a way to punish the guilty or wrongly accused is just another anchoring tactic by the perps to get the public to go along with it or to make targets secretly feel they deserve such treatment which over time wears down morale.

Also it would show that some of us are not innocent and thus the disbelieving/compliant public can see that there are all kinds of people targeted. The main point is that these activities warrant investigation and documentation. If you keep on saying everyone involved is innocent it makes it less believable and might actually validate it in the minds of the public becuz somebody must be lying about being 'innocent'.

If I were connected to criminal activity then I should be subpoenaed or arrested.Council provided, jury etc. Why is that not the case of Targets?
There are many layers of deception involved in these operations and u may think you are being targeted becuz of obvious reasons but there may be alot more to than you are seeing. Cases vary according to target.
Do not abandon Targets who have a sordid past becuz they are the only real proof we have of the corruption of the justice system itself.

I believe most people know about targets and gangstalking but most people are too scared to stand up and do anything or sadly people feel its a great way to get rid of other human beings:

You are trash, u r no longer of any use and u threaten people who are wealthy or influential and they are worth more to the community than you, we need experimentees to make life better for those more deserving, you lost the 'game', you were stupid or careless, in this world there are winners and losers and u r now a loser so don't try to get out of it, know yer place, u know too much, u r sickly and would require to much care so we are freeing up a burden on the system, we don't like u, u deserve it, we like to see others abused-secretly so no one has to be caught, we feel dirty secrets are a luxury in a nation where political correctness rules and we lead the world in protecting human rights, we are snobs, we need u to suffer for us becuz we are sadists, we need to feel better about ourselves......

These are just some of the attitudes I have experienced from perps and the public at large concerning gangstalking/targeting someone. Why do u think its so important to make a smear campaign work? It makes the public have permanent doubt about a target(nothing like first impressions) and people in the olden days did certainly enjoy public hangings-nothing has changed.

The public perceives and rightly so, that they get a hell of a lot more out of going along with this sh*t than they do fighting against these activities. Why should they?
If they remain silent and compliant, according to their preferences, they gain:

Security, safety, (from being targeted themselves), entertainment, promotion, financial gain, revenge against slights real or imagined, self satisfaction, a satisfying of various issues within the people themselves (displacement or projection) like woman/man hating sexists, threatened or inadequate men, jealous wo/men, control freaks, intolerant religious types, people in existing power positions feel validated, young people feel they are getting rid of something/someone old perhaps with old ideas that pose a threat to their n.w.o, extermination of someone who threatens modern patriot ideals of the USA, pest control, silenced witness, perceived safety from someone marketed as unstable or dangerous by the smear campaign, human experimentee....ETC.

People's turning away attitudes are not going to change.

The public gains too much for all their hidden desires from gang'stalking a target/covert activities and usually has nothing to gain for helping a Target of a gang stalking campaign.

I hate to say it but I believe most sick f*cks actually believe this is good for the nation. Everyone else who truly disagrees goes along with it as par for the course of life and the way a society is run. Perhaps alot of people don't know my full story..I don't know what the public knows or doesn't. I was kept totally in the dark. I've only heard possible truths from perps who feel bad or are sadists who want to make fun of how isolated I was kept from knowing what was happening.

Perhaps the public are all managed thru tech in order to react accordingly. Why not? Its how they manage targets.

My point is that, obviously, realities can be created or destroyed. Why could it not be that the public are also targeted and managed? Perhaps people are responding to events becuz they are managed to respond that way. I believe the tech involved in our targeting as victims of gangstalking/covert war is dually being used on the public at large to gain favorable behavior or responses from them.

Perhaps soon event will become so shocking and devastating that humans will need to be conditioned and controlled to ignore the outcomes. Perhaps the turning away is an attempt to see mankind survive global disaster. If that is the case who am I to argue?

Saturday, March 15, 2008


Wow, I must have been very tired from travelling. I even spelled "diversions" wrong.

Unfortunatley, I am back in my hometown but after travelling for years I simply tell myself this is just a city like any other. It is, in fact becuz everywhere a Target goes its the same.. the harassment by 'perps' is in every city you travel to. Different cities have different styles thats all.
Boston is hard for me becuz everyone thinks they know me from when this started..its been fun messing w/ the perps here since I know whats happening. I had to come back here to sort out some affairs. Some people look scared as if its a shock to them to see me back.."whats she doin walking around?" attitude, of course all targets should realize this could just be more mental play.

I ran out of money yet again so I am staying at Pine Street Inn womens shelter in Boston, MA.
Already the crazies are sent in as well as the obnoxious stress producing street theatre among the women there. This is a common tactic of this shelter and it was used on me before, now I see it for what it is I ignore it but always remember, wherever u find yourself in the homeless community, the crazy lady next to u talking to herself might not be crazy at all-especially if what she's saying is..uh, relevant to yer situation.
These females just think its playtime in the playpen for them. They see a person they percieve as 'stupid' (a favorite name calling campaign against me at this shelter) has returned and they think its a f*ckin free for all.

They are so lost. They actually are clueless of things outside thier little reality changing.
This is why one should never turn perp..its just another form of mind control slavery.

As long as I am staying at Pine Street Inn in Boston, MA I do expect to be approached, harrassed, name called, mobbed or psychologically harassed in any form whatsoever.
I also, being on my best behavior do not expect to have any issues with staff or other clients.
Lastly, I expect the usual level of stress in any shelter but any and all attepts at continuous fighting around me, especially as it seems to occur specifically where I am sitting will be duly noted and blogged and conference called etc.
After simply mentioning how street theatre was stupid, the women looked shocked and stopped immediately. I've already been approached by a man outside(of course he was standing with the fat woman who was involved in the shouting match at dinner over a sweater) who -on CUE asked me how am I doin..common practice to begin to gain info or trust from target. I told him I was a gangstalking target for life and it sucked. His face went lifeless. There is a website dealing with gangstalking who's saying is "without the players there is no game" ..they are absolutley correct.

If you find yourself at this shelter or any other in Boston or surrounding areas u must realize and remember the people of this region and especially this state percieve themselves as ultimately smarter than everyone else..being 'smart' is of high value in New England even among the very poor. Its a virtue that is valued perhaps more than money and one is trained from childhood to be smarter and nore competitive mentally than anywhere else in the USA. It is documented that the population of MA is actually smarter than the rest of the nation.
Also this region loves power, it bathes in it. So if the local peasant population of Oliver Twist-like informants, criminals and ratts can percieve themselves as part of a criminal or political abuse of power by those in high authority by helping destroy a target they certainly will.
Understand that mafia type criminals are secretly seen as folk heros all goes back to the different waves of immigration-Catholics need not apply and all that. Its the ultimate middle finger to the slave owning, Harvard going WASP population that really rules this area or did since the begining.

Directed conversation seems to be and always was a favorite tactic here. That and staring which thatnk gods now I know is gangstalking..for years it drove me nuts, I thought Boston was the worst place now I see when u r targeted for 4life, probably intergenerationally, you'll have that good ole"bad luck" wherever u go. Its such b*llshit.

Also realize staring people down is common in Boston as a status preserving tactic. If u notice, as I had for years, everyone is thourouly checking everyone else out, judging, scaling. Good for college to analyze such-not good for life.

If u r sick of being harassed in your hometown, get up and travel. Go to camping gear stores and buy what u need. It doesnt take alot of money and please watch out for Greyhound, absolute perp central and yer NEVER going to be able to get anyone to admit it becuz thats a labeling u crazy tactic. BUs drivers on the whole are the most frequent perps I have experienced in my life and traveling. Only where they are not union do they behave civily.
As you travel u will discover other regions tactical styles. Use this info to foil the perps in other
regions. There are things about MO that if people from MA had to live there they wouldnt last an hour becuz the value system is different. VALUE.
ANd the reverse applies.

As usual good luck.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Ignore the diversions

when people smile randomly self satisfactorily or the sociopathic evil grin really just ignore them...its so obvious to me now its just diversion. These people are either paid or have to do this. Just like people going by me and acting like they know me from some video they saw....only two options are possible- they believe a great cover story that was put out there or they are perps and they are supposed to f*ck w/ u. I find it hard to believe if good people knew my real story they would act like that, but there are just a-holes in the world opposed to just perps.

also if u market a target to the public as a source of fun, someone popular to pick on w/in the context of pop culture opposed to a human experimentee w/ valuable testimony on a number of subjects it becomes easier to discredit said target.

dont let the diversions work on you. telling yer story is the best way to feel better. no drama, just documentation..maybe one day it'll be testimony in some court room.

Gangstalking is about human experimentation

It seems they are taking deprogrammed mind control survivors and doing non consensual experiments on those survivors. It wouldn't surprise me if the experimentation wasn't simply an extension of the original programs the person was part of from birth- what I am saying is we are sold out from birth for this purpose, that is why those of us who seem gang stalked life long or intergenerationally never have lives. We are nothing but lab rats from the beginning.

It's also a great way to get rid of mc survivors who are starting to remembering too much. Who's psychologists turn to them and say they shouldn't get hypnotized becuz "..That would bring up much memory for you"
... uh, that's kinda what I am looking for here. The truth.

So all the experimentation that is done during intense gangstalking becomes so damaging to the body and mind that the survivor is slowly disintegrated.

I was on a major bus line 2 days ago. I noticed the typical perp group but I realize now they are just decoys. There were people trying to ask me questions and I simply would not communicate with anyone.
I was on the bus and noticed the air vents as well as lights did not work. Then mid trip, the air vents came on just as a sickly sweet smell came into the air.
(I felt as I had a few times before when I noticed my clothing made me feel burning-not like a skin issue one might have, but this is unusual. There is a change in one's mental abilities accompanied. A dumbing down, no thought at all. Vegetative, zombie-like. I believe there is an article about nuero interrupters I read and this might the cause. It seems typical of gangstalking targets and it seems delivered as an inhalant(air) or through the skin(clothing). In the movie 'Elizabeth' about enemies of the queen put some sort of poison in her clothing which a lady in waiting gets into her dresss instead and dies. so this method of delivery isnt so outlandish.)

I then came to feel more and more in a different 'state' along with being less thoughtful. Somehow, if this has happened before, this time I was awake enough to know what was going on, but I am sure I was disassociated. I am not going to get into exactly what went on but lets say its more behavior modification. As I rebelled by getting up in my half state, getting my coat out of the upper area sitting down and putting my coat over my head a voice came from the back of the bus "Wow!". (This behavior is something programmed people do becuz whilst being programmed alot of sensory deprovation goes on and things like sheets towels or blankets are put over you while lying down perhaps sitting. You are programmed also to find a 'safe place' under these materials over yer head to avoid the truama of what s happening. Later, when older you can simply call upon this state or safe place w/out any physical actions) so it must be natural for me to do this. During this time I felt everyone focusing on me but their was no or compassion. Just observation.
The air vents had gone off right after the sickly sweet smell came.

As I came too(sort of) the vents were on again.

Before the incident I had noticed definite gangstalking or perp-like behavior from some people around me as well as the driver, who of course later let us know she was jsut a floater and didnt usually do this route.
Some people looked guilty and some made comments made to make the experience worse.

Afterwards I looked around and could not believe how they all jsut blended right in again, but there were signs. If you look deeply enough into thier eyes you can break that stupid "what are you looking at" pathetic attempt at a front. They know what they did and what they are about.

(Svali had claimed to be part of a similar group..notice how she says a the activities need not be a ta stationary location. As always without documentation or actual live testimony one must take these claims as possible would be nice to think that someone was telling the truth.)

The most disgusting thing is that they are experimenting on programmed people and torturing us, slowly destroying our minds and bodies. Takning advantage of people who are disacossiative with no regard for our potential talents or high intel. We are treated like we have no rights at all but these experiments are in direct violation of the Nuremberg Code.

One can see this plainly in the case of John Mark Karr. Now I am not saying he is not potentially dangerous at all but that is not the issue here, and i notice that in these situations there always has to be a rationale as to why the person is a bad guy so as to take focus off what is really happening. J. Mark Karr is obviolsy programmed and i am not the only one who thought so it's all over the internet. Why exactly did he just waltz right in and confess to something he did not do? For the same reason alot of people felt that same urge around that same time, including myself. I was NOT going to go down to my local police and confess to things intellectually I knew I had not done, but I could hardly fight against the compulsoin to do so. Marc Karr often has complained of gangstalking like activities around him.

I see to many people in the street everywhere I go who either look like they feel bad for me and are powerlesss to help. Then there is the sick ones who seem to have a faint smile when they see.

More frightening is the attitude that makes all the good people afraid.
I was in the local coffee shop of soulard in st. louis. A gay black man who works there was not nic eto me while waiting on me but was i noticed to the patron before me and after me. when i looked at him as he waited on me he mustered up the best hurt little boy look as a cover for his actions so i would not hold him responsilbe for his inconsistency in behavior. he and the other guy who works there often have the slight smirk together when behind counter making my order. After i sat down i kept a real good eye on him. a white man came up and said to him " you dont have to deal with anyone you dont want to" after that a chilling comment came which consisted of him basically saying "clean out the system, make room for(others)". the black guy then said as he slightly pointed my way that the one that is "going to replace that" is going to be better. the white guy walked out after a while, of course he had to engage me while I was journalling and said "note to self" I said "no, i am writing a book" he of course had to tell me he had great stories about meeting celebs and yer typical boring nonsense and it was all very belittleing to me, so i said that this was wayy bigger than just a typical story. He left saying what I do not remember becuz it wasnt important. The sexism from both of them was most disturbing. I asked another day if that worker was a woman hating gay man and they said no not at all. And stanger was how well a sexist white male hick from Missouri got along with a black gay man amazed me but thats also what soulard is going for which is nice but its not so nice to have people getting along in harmony only when they have a common victim or source of amusment.

Its obvious that I have status of a slave like in the old plantation days where people didnt think it was wrong to have slaves or abuse them, it was the way it was. Its wrong, I am not techniclly a 'slave' I am citizen of the USA and deserve a right to Life Liberty and the pursiut of Happiness but you see how difficult it is when a powerful group manages perceptions and everyone who sees the real truth is afraid.

The reason 'the perps' are so effective is becuz they possess superior psychic prowess--believe me when I tell you that. Its why they are so effective at disturbing you, the target, by just drivng by..i have had them jsut sitting behind me on a bus but i discounted this becuz there was no obvious perp activity except for the mean look of self satisfaction.

who is going to believe psychic experimentation or harassment in this country?
The USA discounts the existence of all things psychic by labeling them 'paranormal' and 'super natural' in the conspiracy forums and then at ground level its considered mental illness to believe in such things (thus the psychiatric question "do you believe you have any special powers or abilities?"Notice how childishly it worded-'powers' or 'magic'). This enviroment is the perfect cover for such covert activities even though documentation exists to prove the existence of many countries experimenting with or even utilizing psychic abilities.

I had a perp making allusions to my involuntary involvment in such activities a year or so ago. I acted as stupid as possible, perhaps I was so traumatized I simply wanted to rest, I dont know. Now it makes sense I guess. Yet I highly doubt if I'll recive amnesty anywhere- the whole thing isnt happening and I am sure the u r crazy routine would be used on me.

Labeling human experimentees and mind control survivors mentally ill is standard practice. Read the case histories, books about cults and mind control from reputable psychologists and one man who's father was a survivor of mc and was labelled for years until he as a doctor discovered the truth.

You want the links? I am too tired and not recovering from that gassing very well. I now know I am probably doomed to become a intel lowered idiot and probly get sucked into gangstalking. Notice how slot of perps seem mentally damaged somehow? Now I know probably how they got that way..torture someone enough and lower the ability to fight intellectually and they will torture others. I swear to all of humanity I will not let this happen, not after realizing i can never have a good life. Go look the stories up yourselves..i have been fighting and living this nightmare working my ass off everyday for years doing it yourselves becuz the only way to really discover the truth is to see the investigation unfold.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Max damage w/ minimum evidence

OK...I know the term 'mind control' is annoying. Its overused, its a broad term. Yer sick of seeing it becuz alot of people are bitchin about it and then alot are saying it doesnt even exist. (which is in itself, a tactic right there.)

I'll make definitions but really you could look up these things for more detail.

survivors of trauma based mind control aka programming: people who were/are in cults or other sick controlling groups. Thier inner worlds as persons are controlled and formed from birth, especially the programming is done when they are infants becuz this is before they have any other points of reference for the 'real world'. Alot of these people do not realize they are programmed due to the trauma involved and they may be chosen supposedly due to intergenerational ability to disassociate. These survivors usually have MPD or alter egos. Very complex. For some specific purpose benefitting the group. Includes humans programmed as couriers, sex slaves, etc. Sadly, it includes those programmed to commit suicide by a certain age or more frighteningly for a specific purpose.

survivors of mind control which also uses trauma..let's use the term brainwashing: people in abusive adult relationships where one is the abuser and dominant, also children of. Includes domestic violence, pimping (when its NOT up to the worker to choose), trafficking, POW's, and cult members, etc.

survivors of what people are calling mind control technologies..there is no term that sticks here and to my annoyance much confusion. 'TI' is one term but it fits other people and situations as well. This appears to be a system of targeting humans to be victimized(for varied rationales) by non lethal weapons, remote influencing. Alot of these devices can be researched and their are sensible websites.
Just watch out for the crazies/disinfo people who are performing their task cointelpro-style to misdirect targets and any movement or collective of targets at large.

This tech is part of what seems to be a huge behavior modification system but I am sure its also used just to get rid of some people. Some Targets describe it as an electronic jail, others as harrassment, some as a death sentence.

Alot of "TI's" have other forms of victimization as part of the cocktail which is the System of Oppression.
This may include covert druggings.There are some very frightening results which seem to utilize drugs that can make a Target begin to experience the signs of true mental illness like actually hearing vioces that resemble word salad in ones mind.(true schizophrenia-if u r still articulate,logical despite what they are doing to you tell anyone who says your crazy to go f*ck themselves..mind control experts assert that a truly disordered mind will exhibit itself in the very bizarre use of language..remember whoever is doing this is trying to make you crazy, u r not crazy already.) Also, behavior modification (conforming, obeying, not interfering) the ability of these drugs to actually make a target hear commands is amazing. Usually put into medicines the target is taking for other health leary of capsules.
All it takes to verify this is stop taking the medicines at intervals and see how react. If u only have these unusual reactions when taking medicines which are never supposed to illicit these reactions as side effects(look them up) then yer bein' screwed with.
Flush the corrupted medicine down the toilet, out into population-to spread the misery. Especially when you as Target, recall how the pharmacy staff specifically cannot look u in the eye as they place the medicine on the counter for your purchase..more sheepish behavior from prob good people forced into sick acts of covert war. They, as persons in the medical field who most likely like helping people may be actually trying to warn you with such aversions of eye contact. In covert war, its so damn nasty, that no one can seem to say no to the order to perp someone.Either that or the pr smear campaign the perps have done on u is so good that people actually convince themselves u deserve this outcome somehow.

Some people are gassed, again its usually covert and a few hours a night..over time this destroys the TI's health. I have heard some TI's experience persons overtly spraying them with substances in public another form of drugging/poisoning. (jerks in the 60's used to dose people w/ LSD[ergot] in different ways like this spraying and putting in food or dirinks so with this example it doesnt sound crazy anymore, becuz alot of people admit remembering this behavior).

Finally there is the Gang stalking or organized stalking. It includes so many tactics but its basically psychological harassment by other humans.
Most comrehensive description yet I've seen of gangstalking activity.

What I have experienced as the long term effect of their collective actions is attempted mind control/behavior modification of me as Target via what is largely coersive persuation. ( I am utilizing this website as it is a great rundown on coercive persuasion, it mentions Scientology alot but that is not my concern is useful to see a possible example of an actual entity using these tactics however.)

Another cause of alot of people's targeting might be due to this websites mention of some nuts and bolts layouts of the NWO-type idea. (its Christian but refer it to anyone who doesnt fit into thier future plans)

What pisses me off about this is that they want to bait everyone with this ideal of a wonderful disny-esque politically correct world..which would be nice if it weren't for the fact that as far as I can tell their is still going to be a huge crime syndicate and all the same old problems still existing..which would require mc slaves, programmed people, torture, human rights violations etc.
so, heres the loop...
u r going to target someone who's a survivor of mc programming

utilizing a nasty pr campaign w/ the assistance of alot of criminals in trouble -everything fabricated, half understood and taken out of context

by making it appear as if they need to be behavior modified

becuz they do not fit in to the model of world wide mental health standards.

which means not only are you revictimizing and blaming the victim..u r covering up crime..which means crime will still exist in your coming new world. its the same old story and its going to work i bet. especially if logic and the ability to question and use facts is taken away.
thsi amounts to more mind control and pressure to fit into a system that may not be what it seems.
in order for a target of this kind to truly need behavior modification, which is unethical anyway, one would have to be admitting to all the facts. are u considering parasitic or infectious disease in your new world as explaining peoples mental health? what about enviromental illnesses, allergies? Certainly u r not considering the ever concealed world of persons who are programmed and have very complex issues to go thru before they can become socialized or even happy.
2+2=4 NOT 2+2=5. Unless the people allow themselves to belive it is true..then all is lost.

Perhaps the idea of fighting for freedom or truth is a passe one..maybe my ideals will become unthinkable, unrealistic ideas in future.

When u r a target, what is most damaging is no one listening or hearing u...which is important for all abusers to have over thier victims. Its the minimization of the abuse by covert ops/gangstalkers(perps) who know what they are doing to u and an ignorant public who thinks they know. You will meet people thru your targeting who seem to have an idea of what is happening to u and are even likable..whats damaging is they usually end up pulling the viscous tactic of blaming u, the Target, of not performing well enough under these conditions. Again its 'blame the target'. Abusers always blame you for not doing enough or that u deserve this somehow. You can tell though that they are perps sent to make u nuts. They are miserable people, they are bratty or arrogant and they usually have to treat u like u r stupid all the time and they can be caught looking at you with pure unadulterated hatred when they think u dont see. These perps main function is to get close to you to , yes, humiliate u and possibly handle u if u give in, but they serve to continue the negative pr campaign...possibly saying u appeared crazy or u r a 'bad' person. I can certainly do without being told I am not performing well enough under duress thats for sure..of course after u r hurt by this u will get a satisfied look at some point. Lately perps have managed to get close to me in situations and whats another interesting tactic is after they do stuff to torture u in close quarters, if u look them in the face and they are without backup they will give you a genuine smile to divert your rage or anger towards them.. this is truly sick behavior. Its the biggest I've seen for aversion tactics. Mostly females do this ...a non perp smile(unlike the description of the classic 'perp-smile' which is quite insane and human facial expression language it seems to indicate a sense of sick satisfaction or revenge type victory over an opponent. I have made this face myself in past when getting back at someone in some small petty way, but perps wear it like they just won a prize or something.. a shit prize..a 'sh*t eating grin' i guess? ...their diet sounds about right to me.)

Its a passive sort of behavior so females especially younger ones might be privy to this..
I recently expereinced a new tactic for multiple contact perps who are male who do not want to be looked at directly by Target after perping u in some small way..they change their expression immediatley to a hurt little boy( all the hurt inside they can muster) look-knowing I as female and fellow human being I will probably not 'attack'....both facial expressions are used by perps u come into contact with frequently in your enviroment whom cannot be overtly aggressive in the mean things they do to you but wish to avoid obvious responsibility for thier actions..both are diversion tactics and are highly insulting becuz they intimate Target is stupid and unaware.
More valuable to them is they are harmless expressions unto themselves and can be used to insinuate u are crazy as Target..if not connected to the rest of the sequence of thier actions.

see how one of thier main goals is to burn out your logic and analytical centers on frequent daily occurences? this reduces the effectivness of your overall ability over time to remain logical thus you begin to fall into mind control by the group-the gangstalkers. also, if indications or expressions of human emotion such as freindliness or compassion(smiles, hurts) are employed then Stockholme syndrome will hopefully follow-they're hopin'. This is also a strong indicator that they themselves either come from cult mc enviroments or abusive enviros becuz classic "what's good is bad and what's bad is good" is employed. Its amazing to me that they feel what happening to me is a good thing or that their is nothing wrong with being a part of torturing a human being with constant psychological torture. I only hope most times that they are either very immersed in mind control cults where they just cannot exert thier own will to save thier lives or they have been fed such a bunch of crafted bs that they really believe I deserve this.
How else could u be privy to driving someone crazy or to suicide? Maybe like all mind control families I've dealt w/ they live heavily in denial.
There is a sadness to them..some like to drink heavily at night, and often. If you look in a moment, very quickly, you can see all the pain they are in...drunk night after night. They may never make it out. This will be thier careers, thier lives.
I wonder what it feels like to take peoples lives as a matter of course. Over and over agian, target after target-person after person. Some groups have said of me "she's just a target" if a member feels bad. Thats easy when you are heavily controlled in a travelling group of perps...being a 16 year old helps as well. I can see the truly psychopathic and sadistic ones will make it, this is the job just for them-they enjoy it...but alot of perps are painfully human. Is it going to be as easy when your older? It seems, like most mc victims, they have whopping cases of arrested development.

The white sexist males are my least favorite..they are my most frequent perps and they really actually believe in the satisfaction they are getting..finally, something to bring back the good old days-before women could speak I assume. Now, they have this wonderful system to stroke thier ego's and make them feel secure in thier manhood, especially important for men in our w/ our John Wayne obssesed culture. All at once the ever present threat of the return to a matriarchal society is squelched..if only for a moment. All that fear and hatred of woman. Woman.
A woman wiht intel, talent and will. Threat, threat, threat.

This society will eat itself alive before it will ever move the parameters outward a bit and acknowledge their is an actual creature as a talented, beautiful, intelligent female who is as expressive of the primitive as she is fond of the sophisticated. Traditionally this is called an artistic temperment..over in Europe its existence in women isnt so rare. Over here its probably listed as some sort of disorder, "darling, you need a pill" and by the way in the interest of the new world mental health standards-yer outlawed.

Imagination is will be destroyed within the human animal or it will be used against said animal for the purposes of enslavement. "we" own imagination in this society...and dont mess with "us"-or we' ll have you gangstalked. Perps= a bunch of people who excersise the ultimate abuse of the gift of imagination. Blocked artists-little Hitlers.

Miserable drunks, losers who need to feel the surge of a kill..false hunters. Perfect perverts hard at work at the ultmate art of voyerism...
All cowards. Everyday for miles all I encounter are cowards. Time after time after time.

And becuz I hate them they feel its only right they hate me and ultimately they get to win everytime becuz they are in a huge network. so my life , that should have been a wonderful one, spent on the arts and helping people..and the joy of finally knowing myself, is now replaced with more servitude as a mind control victim/slave to the constant demands of a bunch of nasty needy strangers to feel good about themselves-remember I stated earlier .." if the worker has a choice".. and besides they get paid or out of jail free card for providing not pleasure, not release but pain and suffering to someone. And somehow, someone told them they were righteous in what they were doing..poor little mind control victims. Never seeing the truth, never knowing truth must be a shitty way to live. I am not going to die that way.

I am sure these idiots are not even told why someone is targeted. Its all male egos , female jealousy , youthful ignorance and human ape-like aggression. No other reason is possible, though there are plenty of rationales. Thats why its soooo important to constantly keep me in the dark about what really went on back home, and why exactly this is happening. Its especially important to ....

wait..its 1143 pm. so close to 12 midnight, when the tech part of the targeting seems to stop..relief is given. From 12 to 6 am I can think and muse and be Myself again. (sound crazy? u better get to doin some research on all this)

Does ANYBODY see how wrong all of this is? Or are you all targeted too, into mindlessly going along with all this horror.
Its almost twelve...why dont you ask yourself that very question.