Spirit in Black

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Please be advised that this written work is theory. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. For legal reasons I state that I have no actual belief in these theories as fact, if I did I would have sought legal recourse. Until that occurs this blog can only be considered theory. If it does then any and all actions PAST AND FUTURE that have been taken against me during the years producing this work will be labeled war crimes under international law and any other legal protections that apply.
I am a writer, an activist and artist. I claim my RIGHT TO EXIST legally under US Constitution and international law.

This is an educational blog for awareness as well as sometimes a telling of candid personal experiences to demonstrate theories as they might be experienced by a person who theoretically is existing under such conditions. Thus the 'candid' expression, poetic license and marketing myself as product or character. This is NOT a journal or diary.
Being a reasonable person of sound mind if I had concerns for my safety or others I would take responsible action for self care as my established medical history can demonstrate.
Any actions taken against me by others questioning my sanity or competence based on my produced work will be construed as activist/dissident intimidation and whistle blower retaliation and proper legal action will be taken against you by my family and support system.

Be warned that no further interference with my production of meaningful work as an artist and activist will be tolerated.

Monday, November 30, 2009

the old c*nts in Boston are at it again

The chronically homeless women who are so obviously helping whoever wanted me out of town are at it again.

Before I finish let me just say that none of this is funny and if these useless old bitches even think of messing with my staying in any shelter here or if they try to get me kicked out of anywhere or cause drama I will be laughing by telling the whole world just how cab companies and cops get there payoffs from a certain madam and two of her friends one who likes to fuckBoston black cops. We can start hearing about who the important real estate man in Brookline is who likes to wear womens dresses and be called bitch. We can discuss what the inside of clients houses look like righ down to thier white pianos in thier living rooms. We can go on and on and the names no longer escape me. I am done fucking around with this city. YOU may think I am just an idiot but these low level [people are a pain in the ass. The people at the higher levels know I am NOT stupid which is why I had to be harassed so fucking hard. I will destroy lives if these bitches or anyone else fucks with me while I am here.

This whole city and the USA is going ot pay for what they have done to my life so you better wise up to the idea that people are not stupid as you think and during Bush there was a hell of alot going on that was not the norm. Whatever you believe about what I write you better fucking believe that there are things I know that are NOT the stuff of sci fi and I WILL USE THIS INFO to keep myself safe or to retaliate and it WILL be embarrassing. I would like to get revenge more globally and tastefully than the sexists would like to push me into something more akin to what a desperate bimbo would pull ( ah jake's new friends just wipe out inconvenient women so easily that way dont they...i am not a blonde and my programming is not something you toy with..but you can fukin keep testing me. Go for it. )

Everybody in on this is going to suffer from nothing more or less than the truth and thier own actions choking them to death.

I had a dream last nite that my impulsive actions got me bitten by a wolf twice in my dream so I know I must take caution at this time.

Christine that little jewish woman from NY that nightmare who pretended to be a TI turned on me as well as that fat old bitch who used to be a nurse so she claims both from the homeless scene were in a Cambridge drop in today. I warned staff already what a nightmare Christine is and how she really got in my way last time by bonding with me and then turning on me. They took her in another room and had a talk with her becuz they wont tolerate it in this place ( i hope).

Christine looked at the fat one and was like ("what is she doing here?") like they thought they had run me out of town. These are your typical low level perps. They are totally clueless. Christine only got as far as pretending to be a TI and being part of that Covert Harasssment group with the conference calls. She did the typical info hoarding and also the connection to alien conspiracy theory as well as paranoia about marshall law and FEMA camps.

I dont know who her employers are but she knows alot more than just the cover story if she is on the level of having enough info about gang stalking to pose as a perp. She seemed ignorant of programming and trauma based mind control. She also was into pumping me for info about my ex associates.
When she turned on me in the Harvard Sq shelter where there were staff totally in on the harassment (Harvard students) on not only an level of ' oh isnt this fun and exciting entertainment' but at times the more sadistic end of it. This is where alot of the level 3s go and you find that out about people later (level 3 is the worst sex offenders- child molesters straight up) they seemed to be in on the harassment. There were things about some of the guests pictures of them on thier computers where they were dressed in disguises as to look like totally different one would never recognize them. Glasses different hair the whole bit. The same people would have very questionable Japanimation on their computers and yes we are talking sex with very young animated girls.
Does that tell you enough about what is going on?
Its the same shit the same network over and over again. They seem to live in shelters but do work for whoever thier employers are.

The fat one the one who claims to have been a nurse was the one who, at Woods Mullen, leaned into me and said " some women cant get out"(of the sex industry) .

Seeing these two bitches actually sit and share a laugh at my expense made me more angry and sickened then I have been in a while. The destruction of my life is far from funny.

Christine is so small that it would be very easy to kick the crap out of her. She is one of the worst perps I have ever dealt with. I now have fantasies about finding out where she goes and kicking the crap out of her, that is how infuriating she is. She is so petite it wouldn't be hard...just one punch in the face is all I ask of the universe. I dont usually react this way to most perps but she is especially obnoxious. She mad3e sure she came by the living room and looked at me for good she still had some control over me or to relive what she did to me. For a short little shit she is a predator...almost like a guy who is a rapist who wants to rub it in.

By the way I wont do that to her just in the interest of the greater revenge plan and also I know if I print it here if anything happens to her I am a suspect so I do this just so I WONT beat the shit out of her but if I could or if I had the money she is one piece of trash in all this that would end up removed if you know what I mean.

That fat bitch seems to be miserable and suffers so that is all set pretty much. Christine seems very pleased with herself.'

What am I doing here? I am back you little bitch and I was smarter than you the whole time. And I will come back here anytime I please. And I will be in your face each time.

And I will eventually find a way to really f*ck with her without getting physical. None of this is to be forgotten. Why do these morons think this whole horror show is consequence free.
Let them keep thinking that.

keep these bitches out of my way and that goes for all the morons in this city who THINK they know what went down.

fuck you boston.

my grandma was right: " don't go into Cambridge or Brookline or it will be a war back and forth" oh its not a war back and forth its a war with my handlers and the fools who think the cover story is all that went on.

its almost time to get served the bill. and cops aint nor is having the DA as a client.....none of this matters compared to MK Ultra and the ultimate interests of people involved in things classified.

Go ahead. You have seen the results of what has gone down as you have screwed with shit you didn't understand for years now. Keep screwing around and see what happens.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Long post:lack of sympathy for TIs/reasons for terrorism

First of all someone left me a comment that said I sound harsh on my blog. Uhh yeah pretty much. I am a victim of torture and am just ignored like I dont exist. Pretty hard to take.
Harsh....people, the ass whippin has not yet even begun. By the time I am through terrorists will look like choir boys compared to what this country and its ALLIES (ahem) have been up to. Lucky for them that its been engineered before I could get to this point of understanding and revealing info that I am already and probably will be disregarded as 'mentally ill' and anything I say will be ignored. Arent they clever. Gee, do you think that they do this to people often? They seem to have a system down to discredit victim witnesses.

I just got this awful vision of me in hospital with bandages bleeding and I could feel the injuries and how it will weaken me. (I just revised yesterdays post and added new info) Ooops, time to do the old "that preminition will not come true" mantra. Another threat. I will never shut up or 'learn my lesson' no matter what the system does to me.

Now today's post: What the hell is wrong with these people? Why are people so unsympathetic to TI's? Well the people who DONT know what is going on cant be sympathetic as they arent in on it. The people that do know are either scared or in on it to destroy the TI or are sympathetic to the destroyers only.

This leaves TI's with no allies openly. I get alot of looks like men looking right into my eyes as if they are amused at my fighting the system or not laying down in the ring like throwing a fight. But that is not helpful....its almost creepy as it is once again a direct communication from a stranger. Well at least its somewhat...uh, supportive? of what I am doing. Kinda.

Espeically in Boston I am made to feel very awkward and bad. This place must be, as Mark Phillips put it :"crawling with Big Brother". It would make sense if the anti terror effort were that intense in Boston that common people were informed of things they normally wouldnt be as well as people who looked like common people were actually part of a massive covert op to insure the safety of the city. Like I mentioned before there is so much money here its insane. And I can see a massive effort would be put forth to protect a place with this much value. Its not unrealistic. With terrorism being the way it is I can see it might be the only way to ensure safety, however due to its covert nature it can also be used to support corruption.

The point is to continue to beat the TI down as has been the effort all along- to make us 'feel bad' as one perp said openly.

Anti terror is one thing and understandable.
Use and abuse of such a system in order to abuse victim witnesses as well as destroy evidence
or unethical human experimentation is NOT acceptable.

I doubt if I will ever get sympathy in my own country. People for the most part do as they are told by authority. Thats really the end of it. Besides most people are stuck on a cover story which makes the TI look like a total asshole or a threat to some concept of their way of life. The public will always find reasons to validate public executions as they historically enjoy watching them.

This is why its so important not to give in. If you reveal the whole story then their compliance makes them look bad not validated. Thier only way to save face is to ignore of disbelieve.

You will get no sympathy as long as they know that you are right and they are wrong. Ignore them completely as much as you can. As they systematically ignore you so do the same to them.

The mob has cost you your looks, your health and your future. Denial is their only way out. Block all the exits and flood the place with logic and truth. Itll just be another info war and the mob will choose to refuse to be intelligent as that is what makes their system work.

Anti intellectualism, purposeful incompetance, denial and rejection of truth is the only way our system can function as it does. You are asking a cat to bark if you ask otherwise. I know its hard but do not expect sympathy from Americans. Or from what I have heard from other TIs Europeans either. Most people who are into sacrificing whoever they have to to get thiers, which is most people, will not have sympathy for you.

This MA state trooper was talking to me in Haymarket last year and he knew becuz eventually he had to strik he couldnt help himself I guess. He evenutally made that comment that they all make that shows just how powerful they are compared to average citizens: something about how I need to be doing something to make my life seem meaningful. I guess we were talking about my activism. SEEM meaningful? (..and so you have to do something to make your life seem meaningful) No one is more revealing about what is really going on than cops if you can get them to snap into arrogant male mode and its not hard...theyll turn on you in a friendly conversation eventually at some point. As many of them have experiencded the world do to them.

This is very telling. And his eyes came alight when he spoke that comment. Ahh the truth comes out about what is really going on in that head of yours.
I have to be doing something to make my life seem meaningful...which is a review of a REACTION. But what am I reacting to? What is the ACTION that he is intimating that there is a REACTION TO? That would be the organized stalking and harassment system that keeps me down (as I was told more openly to my face once- that the harassment was meant to keep me down for life).

He didnt say that I was doing something to make my life meaningful..he said seem meaningful. This is why trained killers with guns make dangerous enemies in psychological warfare. ONE WORD is all it took, well chosen and well placed (thats why hes a statey and not a city cop) to f*ck with someones head very badly. And of course me being the way I am I filed that memory in the back files (and it also became a PTSD memory that helps destroy me by running itself over and over as negative conditioning--and people like him KNOW that is what its going to do) and politely ignored the comment.

You have to understand that this is ALL to cover for the existence of programming of children. Its also mainly to cover up anyone revealing that there are many pedophile and child abuse families that readily co operate with the police and other factions. People in the USA want to believe that this sort of thing doesnt happen very often or goes on mostly in other countries. Why I dont know. I guess for people unfamiliar with the subject matter they cant concieve of it.

There might be another reason. Documentation of ape behavior has shown that grown up apes actually sexually fondle their ape babies. Everyone in the tribe seems to take part in this. Humans are sensitive and intellectual beings but we are still closely related to these animals.. I just wonder especially on the part of men is there an urge within all humans if not men specifically that is so primitive and violent that they fear the very thought of it in themselves. Its been proven that unlike females, males can be made eventually to abandon thier morals and be driven to commit atrocities of all kinds on other human beings.

Also people dont want to face issues of their own that they might have nicely buried and dont want disturbed. They are compartmentalized and sectioned it off and they have a system that functions. Opening that compartment or touching on it would screw up the way they have functioned around it for years.

If you know yourself than you know your own moral code.

There was a girl in NA and she was really screwed up as her dad was a child molester. She would sit in the meetings and whine about it and of course the other grown ups in that room were supporting the scumbag (ahh, Watertown...that crowd never fails to be predictable) so everyone was of the attitude that she wasnt going to get any sympathy or even acknowledgement there.
Eventually she met some older kid there and of course got knocked up and 'moved on' with her life. This is of course what everyone wants as it gets the whole community off the hook as well as the scumbag they support. They want the victim-witness to go away so that no one has to deal with them and their annoying True story. Truth and justice interfere with thier good time which of course is paramount. Besides, she was so pretty and blonde and young the sentiment was that unlike alot of other victims she had hope, a chance to make something of her young life.

All UTTER BULLSHIT. She should have left and never forgotten what they did to her and made like a Stephen King novel on their small town New England asses. You know the ones he writes where small town New Enlgand thinks it can just sacrifice a person and get away with no punishment due?
Eventually she gave into the wishes of the arrogant group and gave up on getting justice for herself. They won becuz she let them win. Boston loves power more than anything else and any opportunity to prove this by victimizing someone, who is alone especially, is very valuable to them. I say the Boston area is addicted to power and must have human sacrifices to prove it on a regular basis...they especially love to be cold and disregard the person. Its akin to a luxury here, like littering or swearing like sailors every other word. It proves that we can get away with more than any other area of the country and we can afford such losses and games as we are wealthier, smarter and better than the rest of the USA. Trashing the streets or trashing a person it doesnt matter. Just as long as Massholes get to casually disgard things that other normal, sane people find valuable, like human lives, then they are happy and convinced that they have POWER like no other place in the USA.

So me being targeted here as the place of origin is one of the factors in me getting tossed around so badly and ignored. MA as we can see by the comment of our tubby Statey friend, is on a constant 24/7 power trip that does not end and will not end until this is gone. I wish.

The beauty of this is that if one travels one can see how weak MAssholes really are. One week in St Loius as I experienced it and most of these punks would be crying. The south west would confuse the shit out of them totally. They would disregard the souths hospitality and hopefully get their asses kicked.
This is why so many poor and homeless are miserable here. I tell them to leave and they just dont. This place will hold you prisoner. Be aware that Boston is a heavily corrupt and classist place with no regard for quality of life except for the medical community or perhaps the religious community..but they were always mean to me so I cant say.

Boston and MAssoleachussetts can afford to be this arrogant. Its as simple as that. And unfortunelty so can the USA.
Like I said before the USA gets its way from a system of covert infuence in this country and around the globe.

These leads to another purpose of my work. I am saddend by so many people who are confused and frightened by terrorism and what is happening in our world. Part of me making what they took from me meaningful (not seem meaningful-go choke on a donut dude ) is to explain not only how covert warfare works but that the natural reaction to covert warfare is terrorism. On an individual level that is what this system tries to push targets into alot of the time. Every target notes that the system seems to be wanting us to become violent hateful extremists as a way to not only make us look like we were always a danger to society but to get rid of us as thier reaction to us reacting will be to take us out.
I have experienced it all. Every trick in the book consisting of methods you would not beleive, to drive me to go postal, death by cop, comply out of sheer fear, to destroy me and keep me permanently down in a psychological prison for life, to work on my insecurities and truama backround to make me become self destructive if not suicide.

This seems to be more common with male survivors but I highly suspect that some females are driven to these more violent ends. The more masculine you are the more they will work on these angles. I am starting to believe people like Valerie Solonas's claims. Yes she was a crazy street whore who was so harassed by men as to snap and get sick of them and start the ' Society to Cut Up Men". However, the WAY that she goes about mapping out her theories shows a brain in there somewhere, as if at one time she may have been capable of being brilliant. And it doesnt surpirise me the driving an expendable crazy and torturing them so they go after someone that perhaps the system wants targeted anyway. Its been tried believe me and I an not that stupid. Its been tried every way you can imagine to get me to go after people I know and people I dont know who the system would like me to blame for what is happening to me. I have seen over the years in this body many instances of things that never added up. Every carzy who goes after people is not a programmed expendable but a certain amount of them are I believe. Its a great last use of the person and it guarentees that they are finally done. They either rot in jail or die from execution. And the system accomplished some terrorism along the way to scar whoever they targeted and to scare the public- once again.

Its always key people that get messed with by these crazies at key moments that seem useful to someone in the larger scheme not just random. Everything from the Manson killings to Jonestown to attempts on lives of politicians and celebrities. In certain cases there are just too many leads that were NOT followed, info that is left out or things that dont add up thus there must be puzzle pieces missing. During Bush Sr one can always be amused by such things like the attempt on Reagan when he was vice president to getting Quayle to be HIS vice president as no one in thier right mind would want Quayle to take over the Presidency in the event of anything happening to him.

I have given everything I got to resist any and all covert influence as I know it is in the interst of further damaging my life. I am much stronger as a preservationist so this is the secret to why I am still standing. Besides I know that none of this was happening to me before that federal investigation. I led an eccentric but fairly normal life...I mean it was hard and there was oppression but what has gone on since 2003 is waayyyy out there. Like I said look for timing.

I would rather peacefully explain how this works than to take action against others. Most of all it is my intense resistance to being controlled that is responsible for me acing this system.

If I wanted to seek revenge against someone is should be MY will to do so, not the Will of outside influence.

The same thing happens with terrorists as with targeted individuals I suspect. Covert warfare, dis info and smear campaigns as well as systematic ignoring of not only the original injustice against the target but now the harassment that is occuring.

This whole system is to make people inot terrorists hopefully via years of torture and reducing the person to the level of an animal in hopes they will strike out in desperation. Thus at that point the oppressor has thier self fullfilling prophecy.. I dont stay in control becuz I want to I do so becuz I have to. I would LOVE to haul off on those who betrayed me believe me. You would to. Any reasonable person would. But I know that a better revenge is to show the world that terrorists are born of frustration, torture and a desperation that no one is listening or cares about the truth. Not ALL terrorists but many.

And there is the issue of programming. Cult mind control is invaluable to both sides of any conflict.

The reason some people snap is that they can no longer stand the must ask what is that pressure and where is it coming from?

Psychological warfare is no joke and its very effective. When people are abused and then ignored and kept down anger and frustration as well as bitterness will soon over take the person. Resisting the urge to act on this is very hard. Usually the person is isolated from any support as to make them more desperate.

Look at my life? I am homeless, if I run out of money I have to beg to eat, I own only a back pack. I have been targeted into this by constant harassment but it serves the denial system by making me look as if I am merely mental and cannot take care of myself, thus anything I say to explain my situation is discredited. Thier system works very very well. There is no way anyone can fight the effects of constant harassment and especially after having people ripped away from you and it does feel like your intimates were physically ripped from you.

I can just tell if somehting reeks of covert interference. Its always especially crazy, frightening and violent. And the media plays up these qualities.
Its not so frightening if you understand what is going on.

For Targets it is most important to react to not a thing without mulling it over logically first. Its also important to realize what the system is doing to you. I was told by someone that I was being reminded how inconvenient I was. The system for whatever reason wants to get rid of you.
Its also very important to focus on what you KNOW TO BE TRUE, and that includes knowledge inside of you- everthing from preserving your True Self to remembering that you have been running over memories of programming and other valuable memories since you can remember. This is what you know and this is what is true. In the beginning of the gang stalking campaign you worked it from the Inside-Out whereas alot of the outiside activity going on, alot of those involved were working from the Outside -In..if they even knew anything about what was inside you to begin with. A cover story was being worked while you might have been going through say suicide programming. This means that many people did not understand why you were doing things the way you were within the circumstances. And part of gas lighting is to keep info from the target...this is very valuable to them. Most people assume that the cover story is the truth and you the victim do not know what is going on around you.

None of it matters...not the present not the past not the future. Not what they say or cover stories, not what has happened or what they have done to you.

Just always keep the focus on the original contents internally. Try to recall what memories were there before the campaign started. If those are no longer there then you are losing grasp with the true story of your existence. Dont forget the internal world that was there before the external 24/7 harassment tried to drag you from your internal peaceful realm, drag you outside your temple and beat you down until you forget who you are. They will also try to destroy internal structures by keeping you from being at peace inside yourself. This is why you cannot relax or be left alone of a day. If they want to replace the internal structure with something else they have to make you focus on outside activity constantly.

Gang stalking targets are made into crazy, ugly angry bitter people by a system of psychological harassment that is tailored to destroy them. They were not always this way. And people only become dangerous when they are so beaten down and frustrated that they are given no other way to fight back.

boston city works truck harasses me overtly and reveals motive (cover motive) for stalking

Lic plate 'mb1811' or 'mb18011' had those numbers in it.
City truck boston public works.
They really screwed up this time as it turned into very overt harassment and became quite revealing.

I was at the silver line bus stop on mass ave and Boylston St in the south end of Boston.

He messed with me very casually with a wave then a thumbs up. I could tell it was harassment. After years of this you can just tell especially with the men.
I then proceeded to tell him he was a nothing. He opened the truck door to harass me furhter.
I then told him it's great for them that he had a good job in a bad economy(due to it being a city job) but nobody cares and to keep it movin'.
I told him he was a nothing in the big scheme of things and as he then agreed just to get his point across and try to establish a legit exchange with me.
When you are being harassed this cannot be allowed as the perps are people who are unnaturally obsessed with you as strangers to begin with thus they are stalkers by definition and they actively harass you and seek you out.You should not give ANY indication that you are allowing any open communication with them as this allows the male stalkers to have control over you as female.

He would not back off so I went further and made a hand gesture that someone makes to signify a small penis. He then lost it and atarted making a gesture for fellatio with both hands. I then told him repeatedly he is nothing and keep it movin.
He then rolled down the window and said "and you wonder why you're homeless?'" and made this same gesture.

This signifies that he is intimating that I am homeless due to sexual practices. At least me baiting him with a gesture got info out of him.
So we can see how a WAVE and a THUMBS UP really are stalking and harassment related to people acting on much more sinister motivations.
For years when say, I document smiling, smirking or waves or other gestures I appear to be paranoid however one can see if one pushes them they reveal that the systematic harassment is indeed connected to something deeper.

What i find strange is that at the shelter for instance they seem more mean to me than women who are actively prostituting. there are women in there who are 50 years old who are working the streets.
why is it so importrant to harass someone who isnt doing anything? and if that is the real reason i am homeless then why are there plenty of working girls who have cars and houses and what about the madams?

Remember the shelter I stay in is where an older woman turned to me one day last year and out of nowhere leaned into me and said "and some people cant get out" in reference to the mafia run sex industry....we were discussing that as she was speaking about the mob end of it specifically.

Hmm...the mafia- and city jobs especially trash collection is specifically mob run and no one can get in to break that.
A truck driver I spoke to once said he worked for the union and was doing something mob run that was city like trash or something construction
He was injured on the job and before he could sue or collect a man came to his house and was sent there to off him. When the guy looked at how injured he was he felt bad as he was actually really messed up from the injury. He left only warning him not to take action or someone would be sent that actually would kill him.
nice crowd. nice way to do business.

Little big mouth in the truck screws up so now I am more suspect than ever of mob involvement, but in Boston there is so much meeting between organized crime and other factions to do business so it's hard to tell.

I don't wonder why I am homeless my dear; I know why.
Its not anything I ever did, its what I know and what I might expose and reveal that you have a problem with. What is that guy a child molester? Because those are the only people who support the gang stalking system. Whoever that skinny loudmouth was in that truck he's either got issues with women, is a child molester or hates women who decide to run their own lives and have limits on what kind of b*llshit they will tolerate.
And obviously he has an exceedingly small penis as his reaction to that intimation was losing control of his wits.

I wonder if that can be used to interrogate male suspects MK Ultra style. Just torture them with psychic driving: repetitive comments pertaining to their penis size. Like strap them down in teh dark in isolation in MK Ultra fashion and make a tape that states "you have a very small penis (and you work for Boston City works) " and shoot them up with some truth serum and repeat it over and over for days on end. He'll probably confess to anything after that.

Size isn't everything but being a total asshole does not help the situation I suspect. Only men with large penises can afford to be total *ssholes.
Notice how I don't really dis my ex? I'll
never get HIM into trouble.. all the girls looooovve Jake. For a very big reason.

Listen Mr.City worker loser-you are even more pathetic now than you were before insulting me. You work for people who wish to suppress what I have to say and nothing else so give it up, the whole world is hip to the use of harassment to cover up for criminal activity.

If you don't like me or the way I am or my life story go talk to the programmers of little girls before the age of 6. Go ahead I dare ya. In fact from the protection I have received across the country I can plainly see that your hands get slapped consistently if you even try to harm me.

There are factions that are very interested in keeping me alive. They are more powerful than the mob who they allow to do business and to exist.
If you dont believe me just try to harm me. People have and I am either warned or cars mysteriously come out of nowhere and crash into yours...people have died under mysterious circustances as well.
All none of my concern.

If you continue to let peasants like this clown, who have no idea about the bigger picture, get in my way I would love to start to embarrassing people who pay this crumb's salary.
The only thing saving your asses is that I do not know which of my former associates are harming me and which ones are helping me- so I strike at no one as I may strike an ally by mistake.

These repeated attempts to get me to lose control and f*ck myself up will not succeed. Your system is totally archaic in comparison with trauma based mind control programming.

I don't wonder why I am homelesss. Its par the course: most survivors of tbmc don't even live this long and most are harassed in this way.
My JOB is to write a book and most likely the torture from this system will destroy me or I will choose to not live with the damage anyway. I don't need to NOT be homeless. Home entries were a big pain in the neck and I will never deal with that again. Also, neighbors sucked.

F*ck your little boxes you call living spaces. And as for home owners those are just pretty prisons. F*ck being housed. I will never trust the system again after what they helped destroy in me as a person and my health. When you geniuses create a self regenerating house to avoid decay and things like mold then you let me know...of course that is an idea I was working on in Brighton when they came after me. Construction makes a shit ton of money in this country and alot is mob'll be like the electric car years ago. The system will NEVER allow such a concept to exist.

So this clown is mafia low level affiliated..either that or the local Masonic chapter has gone mad and will let just any jerk of into thier ranks nowadays, (like PI John Panderos and his poor little rich girl dog faced girlfriend who dresses like a 16 year old hooker- which is about the average age of the girsl he was running off his cell phones so I can see the attraction. She got mauled by a dog so probalby has an especially hard time with jealousy over other womens pretty faces. Her loaded family gives her no money she I guess it all justifies destroyoing lives and haning out with scum bag connected pimps. This is the cocksucker who told me not to go to the FBI becuz they would intimidate me and also he said he had Howie arrange a meeting with a high priced lawyer in which he claims I "ratted on myself". Oh yeah I heard they left town. My handlers must have been PISSED OFF at those two for being involved in an attempted frame I said everyone is such a genius.) ..which i wouldnt even call an 'Order'. The true Order that used to exist is either just for higher ups or the whole thing has been reduced to organized crime.

Also, men think that women are here to cure all thier hurts and especially in a catholic environment like this one, we are all subjected to the Mother Mary trip. It was mind blowing how religious that 50 year old prostitute was. NOW do you see why my hometown drives me nuts? religion and organized crime do not mix. Good front though.
And they hate anyone who gets out from under the rule of this sick city or even this nation.
Until this country stops using moral issues as a diversion against true crime they will always be a sick culture of liars who hide behind religious and false morality.

I never became so shockingly immoral and disapproved of until i decided to change my life. what does that tell you? That and being used as a diversion in a federal investigation...ha ha ha. Its all been told to me along the way by informants.
And Jake baby only became useful to them when he was busted twice in one month for drugs so I suspect that if he helped do whatever he did to ruin my life (oh please) he got no sentence... its all bullshit.

I wasn't fooled and I didnt commit suicide or fall into traps so get over it. You lost becuz the system wanted you to. Your set up failed becuz of whatever reason higher ups wanted me to continue to live. These are not decisions that I made and your just mad becuz some men or even women who are wayyy more powerful than you decided that I was still of use on the chess board. deal with it. And if you dont like it then go gripe to the people in charge. But peons can never do that, so they have to use people like me as whipping posts for all their gripes against the powerful men in the system..

Your just going to make me angrier and that means your factions get into more trouble. Keep it up. Keep helping me succeed. Every sign that I get that you are frustrated let's me know my work is worth completing...and by the way Mr City Worker: 'The Man' hates you; he created someone like me to taunt you endlessly thats why 'the man' keeps me alive.
Keep being dissatisfied.
A peon like that guy knows nothing about what is really going on and neither does anyone else on Joe Public level..but they want power so very badly. Especially since thier govt has been f*cking them up the ass without lube or apology for the past 8 years. A desperate nation in search of targets. Leave innocent people alone and instead refuse to pay your taxes en mass and dont feed the economy at all- get them in the wallet where it hurts and stop being sheep- if you do not have the stregth to do this then you have only yourselves to blame for not telling an abusive authority figure to go f*ck themselves. Its on you. Stop using displacement and projection.

No matter what happens my protectors and handlers will never let anything happen to me until I have completed what I am here to do. This is why all your b*llshit can never be taken seriously. You don't matter. No matter how hard you harass someone like me or yell or taunt or scream you STILL don't matter.
Well, darlings I would have thought that the way this economy is going would show you just what the elite think of you and how much you don't matter. You are cattle. That is what the elite think of you. Henry Kissinger is documented as calling you 'useless eaters'. So you come at ME to gain some sort of validation? WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK IS PROTECTING ME? Its not angry man Joe Public that's for sure.

The system that protects people like me will never let you get your hands on one of us. It isn't that OUR system we were born into doens't want us dead, its a matter of powerful male ownership. THEY can mistreat what is THEIRS but YOU may not have the final say.
You can yell at me all you want. Until the truly scary monsters at the top are ready to see me dead and of no more use, I will continue to do what I am doing and be allowed to do it.

You get it? Good.

Now go get some Extenze and leave women alone at bus stops. Bus stops are for catching buses not so you can stop and pretend you are the world's greatest predator...that my darlings is the programmed mind controlled slave's status.
Why do you think the system has to send like an army of faceless people after us for years on end? Becuz then we have no targets to go after and cant fight back.Its the only way to wear us down.

Your a total pawn dude and don't forget it. At least I see myself clearly on the better get hip...oohhh, that's right. YOUR piece isnt that valuable in the game....Mr City Worker.

Now that your lic number is out there maybe you'll get messed with instead.

Friday, November 27, 2009

i am reacting to tactics just as they would like

by the way i am not stupid about what is going on in the big picure.

i know that all this has been done to me as a way to force info out of me, whcih is very cruel consideing i am programmed not to reveal information. its torture and they know it.

typical cop tactics are gbeing applied, like appealing to my ego or knowing i am a natural show off so if i am held back long enough i will need to feed my ego
also that i am poor compared to the other people involved so if i am leaned on i will faulter especially since being basically a good kid they see me as needing approval from an authority figure

all this is ridiculous as if i reveal information it will only be used to label me a rat and further outcast me or get me murdered.

that is the whole point.

why would you do something like that to someone when they did nothign wrong and dont deserve this, also it seems that key people in law enforcement know the whole story anyway so why dont they do something without me blabbing? I doubt if it would make any difference.

this is the tactic that Ted Gundeson has written about...i dont trust him as I trust no one. But he often has some valuable info that other people seem to have not come up with.

its sad really that inside each persons programming there is always so much that is seems that survivors just fight amongst themselves. But if you scan carefully over all of the collected info or of it what you can you will find everyone of them has something you can use to survive.

The pressure put on me by taking everything away from me, abusing me and then ignoring me is in hopes of making me 'talk' or blab and then I will be viewed as an informant. Well the timing would be hysterical cuz its a bit late for all that isnt it?

No this is a tactic to get rid of someone in the long run. And I hope Gunderson isnt in on trying to smoke out and get rid of MC survivors cuz I consistently use info from his sites to get by.

off prednisone..much more positive now/Woods Mullen improves but staff is still creepy

Was taking prednisone for poison ivy twice in one month. think it was a bit much for my system. whatever I caught in the woods in TN was very nasty and my body was not used to it. that medicine is harsh its a steroid. I think it was making me depressive or something really negative. Not to say that I didnt experience what I as far as harassment goes but I think it put me in a state where I couldnt counter it or fight.

Woods Mullen (Intake/ Long Island shelter) aka 'Boston Public Health commission' ( roll eyes now) has improved much since I was last here, whereas Pine St now wont let anyone sleep in the lobby late at night. Woods Mullen doestn tolerate those awful gang b*tches making a racket so one cant sleep at night and messing with people...then again they could just all be in Florida for the winter with thier tacky ass pimps for good weather. We'll how the place fares in the summer or spring.
Nor do I have to hear a geeking drag queen sit there and bitch or brag about cock and cash for services. They bitch worse than women and its irritating as hell. Though they carry off adversity rather gracerfully with calm streght on average,...unlike most girls.
Anyway, I am actually getting sleep (gasp!) and not getting messed with.

And magically after 15 years they somehow got funding for a new waiting area so at least upon first look the place doesnt look totally f*cked. But then I wonder just what they did to get that built. Gang stalking?

And staff are still creepy if not cranky. They act like its over and I lost and am too stupid to know what went on in that shelter. THat place was and is perp central.. well duuhh.
Your not the only place on the planet you know so get over it. There are desperat a-hole across the country who need to feel better about themselves at 10 bucks an hour. Piss off.

There has always been this sentiment in Boston shelters and I have heard it said about me "she aint no better" . These people are so fucked with letting this strongly classist system beat them down into conformity TO that system, that they actually believe tghat if you have pride in yourself, if your strive for more, if you are attractive or carry yourself a certain way that you somehow percieve yourself as 'better'.

First of all that is the most UN American sentiment I have ever heard of and its becoming more and more obvious as I grow and travel that Boston might just be a bunch of Commies.
So..I am not supposed to try to make it in America? what the hell is wrong with you?
Secondly alot of these people have families and shit I dont really have. So its a trade off but they let jealousy dictate thier actions and thoughts like true losers.
Lastly, I was actually a very humanitarian and loving person who wanted to know everybody and was interested in people in general. NOW I find myself looking down on all these people becuz thier actions have made me totally disresect them and to me now they have little human value.

This staff Margaret keeps always gawking at me to try to make me feel bad. or else shes got closet lesbo tendencies cuz she needs to stop lookin. and the look today down at the desk was just a combo of avoidance at what they know went down there over the past few years and some kind of hate towards me. The white guy with the beard who seems a new employee there is especially into thinking he's evil or some shit.
The attention I was getting as I packed up my sleeping bag downstairs, the looks as I left out the door I looked back and there is this deceptive look they have especially him. We are just so evil (snicker) and we got you good and destroyed your pretty face and your life and we got away with it and we are ULTIMATELY BETTER THAN YOU.

No you are not becuz I would have died of suicide programming anyway, and all of this is what every survivor of TBMC goes through. EVERY SINGLE SURVIVOR HAS TO DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF HARASSMENT WHEREVER THEY GO. Some are killed off outright in snuff films and such. Most just have 'accidents'. Or they snap and go death by cop (mostly men). Suicides and ODs are popular.

Go f*ck yourselves how does that sound? You are of use to the larger system and if the order was not given to go after me and destroy then you would not have been allowed to touch me and we aaallll know that now dont we.
People like this are nothings who do what they are told. There is no way they could have acted on thier own. Not only are they incapable they arent allowed to. I have heard of and seen perps die becuz they did something to put the larger system at risk. They know damn well they are nothing but the TI provides an illusion of their power.

One way or another I would have been destroyed so dont flatter yourselves. This is the life of an expendable.

My pretty face would have been ruined anyway if I had DIED which is what was supposed to happen.
And there is this creepy thing going on where they want you to join them, if not literally ( I was approached in 2007 for this reason) to work as a perp, then to join them as the defeated..somehow your captors become your only family. Eventually you will see that they are now your companions and they know more about you than anyone in your past history and they own you now.

This is the power of cult mind control and its the part where peer pressure from the group starts to take effect.

Do not be fooled by this. The life you would have had if it were not for COVERT INFLUENCING OF EVENTS by these groups and their hidden employers, would NEVER HAVE INCLUDED THEM.
You would never be in shelters or on the street.
They wany to reduce u. This is not who u really r. This is the altered version and dont forget it, ever.






Thursday, November 26, 2009

Once again what Targets call 'gang stalking' and all the tortures that come with it STOPS on THE HOLIDAYS

Once again I find myself feeling back to normal and the reason is its a holiday here in the USA.

Over the years there becomes a familiarity with the system, and there can be predictability even being a victim of gang stalking.
'Gang stalking' is a term with little literal meaning in itself. Its become a catch all phrase to describe the prison and behavior modification program that Targeted Individuals exist in all done covertly so as to be above the law and under the radar of the public.

Targets are most often rumoured to be mentally ill, mostly from a campaign from the gang stalking system itself who seems to push this idea as smear in relation to the Target even before the target understands the true nature of thier situation.

The public either takes part or they are afraid to do anything or they are simply unaware of the situation. Those who take part range from people doing the harassment itself to people finding multiple ways to profit from the TI's situation or get something for themselves- everything from amusement to opportunities in business to some personal gain. You can trust no one.

Its ironic that one of the tactics that is used against the TI in psycholgical warfare is for people to keep making them feel like nothings or to tell them "you're not special" when in fact the mob who take part in destroying the TI are usually people who have nothing special about them so they need to be involved in these acivities to get anything for themselves in the business world or to feel better about themselves on a personal level.

The Target is usually above average intelligence and has other qualities. The mob feels they can tear this person down and take away from this person for themselves.

The total system known as 'gang stalking' would sound crazy if it wasnt for constants in the system. In my case going underground in a building, being in a 'Faraday cage' like environment as in a building made of concrete and steel especially with metal roofing or even changes in time or location provide relief from psychological, mental and emotional terror. Mere mental illness within the person would not be responsible for such changes that seem like a permanent part of the structure the TI is held in.
In other words after years of exploring your prison cell you know every inch of it. I have mapped this out over the years and there are definately things that do not change within this system that make it more akin to a structure like a prison than mental illness on the part of the target.

Changing location seems to change the style of the gang stalking system on all three fronts but especially the style of stalking/harassment in person and targeting with technology. Also, if one returns to a certain location one will find the same style or list of effects being the same upon each return.
This sometimes varies within just a metro area itself, as if there is a electro magnetic or some technological border around a city area. Boston is an excellent example of this. This may be the utilization of classified anti terror technology but it is being used to terrorize and torture Targeted Individuals.

Time is a factor as well. Every day for many years now the effects I feel end at 12 midnight. There are variances like 11:30pm or 1am but never is it outside that time frame and usually its closest to 12 midnight. It just stops just like that. And it begins again at approx 6 am.

The other factor that changes, one I often completely forget about, is holidays. On major holidays I receive more relief than compared to any other of those circumstances or factors named above.

Today is Thanksgiving an American holiday celebrating our first interaction with the Native Americans.
Not only is giving a TI relief on holidays actually part of the torture that leads to suicide but it is part of behavior modificaton as it associates good feelings with man made holy days or breaks in society's activities where a certain value system is worshipped. It may be hoped that the TI will conform more so to thier society and be content to be silenced about whatever they are victim witness to, if relief is promised via conformity.
The target will also feel a sense of hopelessness in thier situaton when comparing days like this one where they feel normal again and have access to all thier faculties in comparison with the rest of the time they are living as a Target where there is no relief except from 12 midnite to 6 am.
Looking into the future to a life of nothing more than further destruction would send anyone to their grave.
In my case I want to tell people what has happened to me over the years and then I will most likely end my life. No one can be expected to endure this system for a lifetime. And to see what one truly looks like and recall the life that one could have had in these moments of non interference from the 'gang stalking' system one realizes:there is reality and then there is the false reality that is being created through technology and a nationwide system of what has been coined 'gang stalking'.
It's like altering time itself by influencing events covertly.

No one can fight the 'gang stalking' system due to it utilizing multiple weapons. In my experience I have found that what is done to an individual is most likely being done to the public at large as well as this system or parts of it are part of certain companies' way of running thier business and thier employees.
-psycholgical warfare
this uses and abuses intel collection and survaillence and is uses human beings and in person in real time to contact or interact with the Target.
-chemical warfare
I will not elaborate but you can use common sense to guess what tactics are used for delivery and there are many.
I am not versed in the details but other TIs who have experience in the sciences have provided such information and its linked on this blog. Whatever is used stops at 12 midnight and begins again at 6 am. It varies according to location in its severity and style of torture and these locations retain these characters upon return of the TI to a specific location. The effects seem lessened or to cease and relief is gained when going into subterranean environments such as underground floors of in a building. Certain types of buildings like hospitals and govt buildings provide relief. Any building that is concrete and steel and especially where there is no cell reception.

The effects can be anything from outright physical torture to psychological torture to a general feeling of low self esteem, anxiety, shame, guilt, humiliaton. Paranoia is induced affecting the Ti's perceptions, Sexual torture can also be present and is used to traumatize the target or bond into incuced amnesia and conformity or the more horrible prospect of the TI going into a downward spiral from abuse of this kind especially if the person has a past history of this from 'real' life prior- this will lead to drug abuse, prostitution, sexual deviance/enslavement that is either self harming or even terminal. A Target may start self injuring even if the person never engaged in this behavior before and its documented that victims of sexual assault or repeated sexual trauma begin this behavior. I have experienced sexuality used to terrorize the Target is in use in certian locations moreso than others and that self injury may actually be beig encouraged by the system. It would certainly make the TI look crazy in public.
The use of sex is invaluable becuz it forces the person to snap more easily as well as is a discraction from activism and disclosure. It is one of the most difficult to resist and will take all of the Target's WillPower to fight. It is hoped that the TI will either fall internally or become submissive and bond with the dominator/oppressor conform and be silenced.

This system is also used to keep the TI constantly busy with problem solving by introducing ideas and emotions that the TI must counter to feel balanced again. This is obviously to serve the purpose of keeping the Target in a prison that is akin to a maze or video game instead of thinking for themselves or working on projects of thier own design. There also seems to be a constant testing of intelligence and performance that does not end.

This system IS a prison and its used on people that our nation sees as a threat to national security. You would not believe the number of citizens in the USA that agree with what is done to Targets in the interest of 'the good of all'. They truly believe that supressing evidence and testimony, human rights abuses , civil rights abuses, disregarding the Geneva convention and destroying the health and psyche of a basically innocent human being who is most likely the VICTIM of corruuption- is part of protecting the United States of America.

This system ensures that everything that is supposed to be illegal is done and a system of organized crime and corruption are favored over justice.

In my case there keeps coming up the idea that I should go off and testify against some former associates. This is part of the trickery of the system. If this system supports corruption so then why would they desire I testify? My former associates are as untouchable as anyone could be. They are associated with powerful men in politcs, organized crime and the police get paid off regularly. The purpose of this constant ideation is to ensure that I blab and get myself knocked off. I believe moreso the concern is over my mother being a human radiaton experimentee and there is more to MK Ultra than they ever want the public to know which is why obviously, they had the records destroyed before any disclosure or trials.

There is also a faction that believes that covert activites, spying and the like all need to be hidden from the public and unregulated if they are to continue to protect the USA and all its interests. They hate Capitol Hill. They are the kind of people who feel that annoying things like democracy and voting and disclosure get in the way of getting anything done.

They are scum and unfortunately, theirs is the system that really runs the world- criminal activity as monetary fuel.
Either that or its military related and you can imagine the way thier minds work. Maybe this is where that 17 billion disappeared to that Congress asked them about that I saw on C-Span last year.

I am often taunted by strangers and often the sentiment is that I deserved this. Another psychological warfare tactic. Most of the people who are involved with this to the level that they know what is going on are not sane anyway. They are what you would call cult mind controlled and their belief system is the cult. They beileve that targets should die for them. They believe in might equals right. They believe that the Target deserves what is happening to them. They may believe they are serving thier country or that the TI is a threat.
When this is analyzed one can see that they are part of a mob mentality and are not thinking at all. They have been trained to serve the system. Either that or they are part of a large group in this country that seem to believe that sacrificing people is needed to ensure that all covert activities can continue.
All organized crime as money making industries and especailly they seem to protect child molesters and running children. Drugs, money laundering. Also the enslavement of human beings for the purposes of covert activities even if this slavery ends up resulting in the persons death.

I believe many people are totally mislead as to the true nature of what they are doing to the target or what the motive is. There is a level of awareness within these citizens that they know they are doing wrong and the reaction to the TI due to this is extremely violent.
People dont want to break out of thier own brainwashing as it pays the bills and makes America great.

Thus for the TI there is usually no way out til death. Unless of course the person finally gives in to behavior modification and relinquishes thier true Self to 'the state'.

It does not surprise me that the US feels like Russia now, with the break down of the USSR who knows what expertise or technology were for sale. It does reek of Communism but the payoffs the public gets are purely Capitalist. If you conform to the greater system you get individual payoffs.

I feel so normal and clear today I wish I could just write my story in a day and be done with it. I know that tomorrow the torture will continue as it did yesterday. I know that most likely according to the system I will get more relief on xmas or New Years but I also know that I will forget about that due to heavy targeting and it will only occur to me upon the day's arrival.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

exposure to mold or mycotoxins also used in biowarfare

It was also used in Russia to lower the intelligence of dissidents. I have posted that before.

Its very strange that during the whole time Lorainne/Lori had my old apartment before me in Brighton, that fat drunk had no problems with anything except mice. She also seemed afraid of B Pettitti and was very into being subservient to her.

I move in and within a year there is radiator upstairs against the wall outside the door right above my door that bursts and I come home to water cascading down my outer wall next to my door. No one did anything about this all day. Finally if was turned off. One could see water damage to the front of the apartments kitchen area.

Then magically a year later the heating pipe along the wall in back breaks or some sort of leak and I have a couch over it so dont notice it for a few weeks anyway. They refuse to clean it and suggest spraying Lysol and sprinkling oxyclean on it and just covering it up ( an combo of chemicals proven hazardous) instead of using the prescribed bleach and water, replacing the wood boards and putting me into a hotel until its fixed. I actually had to clean it.

I stayed in there for years as it was supposedly OK adn got very sick with mycotoxicosis. I did not leave as I was not going homeless to please a corrupt company, and I did not understand it may have been better to fight them from a shetler and not pay my rent. After years of fighting someone from teh state forced them to test and it matched up with my medical findings from the Marino Center in Cambridge that I was getting very sick from mold exposure.

I experienced neurological disturbances, memory loss, constant headaches and damage to my lungs and nasal passages. To this day if anyone sprays deaderant around me its like I am being gassed. I can tell if a hotel room has mold in it just from walking in it and have a hard time wiht any indoor envirmonment unless its very new or fungus free.

I experience memory loss and one of the worst experiences was at the end when I left to go to AZ I was walking with an unsteady gait. this indicated alot of affect on the nervous system.

Going to AZ was due to me reading that the hottest dryest place would help get some of the damage out of my system. This did indeed work as did special IVs at the Marino center. None of my medical expenses were ever paid and i was harassed so badly on top of the harassment that was already occuring I signed out of court. Due to further harassment in AZ I spent the money very quickly running from hotel to hotel not quite understanding what the harassment ws about and at some point it was directed to me that it was called gang stalking and it was a system of harassment and stalking.
I had come to plan suicide with the remander of my money as I thought I did something wrong and was a horrible person.

To this day I suffer from the effects of that 3 year mold exposure.
And further exposure feels like the damage is picking up where it left off...where it left off is that the mold was starting to enter the stages of killing a mammal. I found myself sleeping all the time as if the mold provided some sort of drugging effect and as my body was destroyed by it I just felt more and more like sleeping. I could tell that if I had stayed there the damage would have been very bad if not fatal.

I now have trouble with any medicines to treat health issues as my brain and system seems to react a bit differently to things than before the exposure and also I feel like there is addition to the original damage every time I have to take antibiotics. It makes me sick.

Diflocan and Nystatin as well as herbs have been helpful as well as getting away to arid hot climates in the winter and staying out of very polluted places.

Mold does not affect everyone it depends on if you are allergic to it or not and then it depends on how much of it, how sick the building is to begin with and how long you are exposed daily and for the duration of your stay in that building. However some moldy buildings or rooms are dangerous end of story. Others dont seem to harm humans or the residents of the home dont seem allergic or affected.

Mold removal is just as profitable as denying mold hurts tenants so no one should trust either side of that arguement as they are both trying to make money off the issue.

It would have to be a case by case study and medical would have to be done on everyone claiming to be suffering from symptoms..and I mean like the Marino Center or a real science lab. Not some doctor who only deals in allergies.

During the time all that water damage occured I was experiencing home break ins but was so intimidated by the Pettitis who just used thier keys and seemed to enter as they pleased I though maybe it was always just them snooping around. At times papers were gone through but nothing was missing. Psych out probably.

The most hysterical example was a phase they went thru, the home entry perps, where I would come home to a smell in the house and have a headache. Eventually I figured it out that it was someone coming in and truning the gas knob on the stove just enough to let gas out but not to light itself. And I knew it wasnt me doing it becuz I was going through a diet phase where I only used the stove top burners..I had basically forgotten that the oven even existed.

Other fun stuff like that occured but if you have home entries and you all of a sudden get water damage as a Target you need to get your ass out of there as soon as possigble and stay somewhere else until the matter is resolved. Dont wait cuz it might be to make you sick if you stay in the building. Go to a shelter, a friends or even your car if necessary.

If the landlords are evil then forget the local inspector go to the state health dept and if its anything to do with HUD get on their ass right away and document everyhting and let them know what is going on. The moment that there is water damage and they dont fix it you need to NO LONGER DEAL WITH ANYONE IN THE REALTY COMPANY and go to the bigger authority way higher up becuz this is most likely the time when the reality people are gonig to start playing games with your life and it can end very badly.

Expose them right from the beginning and keep the focus on the issues dont let anyone get personal about you or your lifestyle or what you ate for breakfast this morning. This sort of realty company hires con men and women to 'handle' poor people and sometimes they are sociopaths and not even clinically sane or so criminal minded that they are brutal in the way they deal in business, which of course has no place with vulnerable populations like disabled/elderly or low income but you are a vioceless faceless population in this society.

Unless you have connections to rival theirs or you have an advocacy group that wont ditch you if the fight gets to hard you are gonna have to play this real safe becuz HUD is so damn corrupt and real estate in general is populated with people that I dont even believe thier hearts beat more than twice a minute. They dont even seem human and logic does not dictate.

Molds can be used in covert ops to damage someone for life as well as cause a lowering of intelligence.

Its also interestingly a necessary component in MK Ultras experiments where LSD seemed to make the subjects more maliable in the hands of the interrigators or handlers. I suspect it breaks down brain tissue or provides some brain damage that allows the person to now be more able to be shaped by someone.

Its like wetting down sculpture before starting to shape it. If you mix it along with trauma it further breaks the person down.

If you are a target and you have had a history of harassment and stalking then be aware of any attempts at exposures to molds or other psychotropics.

trying to convince the TI to make something positive out of the destruction of thier life as a way of the system escaping responsibility

I realize that there are social conditions that need improving especially for me I see it in the homeless population and that issue.

But I note that the system seems to be trying to direct me as if it is some god like entity to totally abandon any potential that my life had before the damage became so great as to permanently ruin my potential as it has and force me to focus on some greater good.

ONCE AGAIN I state that any decisions made out of torture or under duress or from years of terror as per a behavior modification program are not VALID DECISIONS or life choices.

The gang stalking system takes away a persons personal executive power over thier own life. YOU should be the master of your fate.

I find it especially deceptive and distateful due to the fact that this was exactly my intent back during my waking up to the reality of what my sitiaton was back in 2003 when a transitional phase began. I was growing up and trying to form a truly adult self to go into my 30's with. This is perfectly normal and especially for survivors to make great changes at this age.

For the system to ask me to totally sacrifice my personal life to for a life of such servitude is outrageous. I have a right to a balanced life.

What is this Madonna/Whore obsession? (this is the common duality in which Judeo Christian societies as well as a great number of males view the female nature. Its childish and ignorant and is nothing more than a tactic of enslavement and control over women)

I am not going for sainthood. It may be that the psychological manipulation end of this takes into account that I am from a Catholic family and Boston being very religious (and corrupt at the same time). Uh I was never a Catholic..I recall they wouldnt let me up to the front for whatever that ritual I didnt belong in thier little club. I know my mothers family are Irish and French Canada but they are also German and Dutch from way down in LA so I wont exactly fall for puritanism.

How much bullshit is this???

ONCE AGAIN its about the triumph of the Will. Make sure YOUR Will triumphs not the system's.

Anything not according to the Will of the individual or an outcome according to natural growth of the person is null and void.

behavior modification to bend one to more conservative values

Even though no one seems to care and no one seems to be listening targets must express themselves and fight.

i am also experiencing that the outcome of these many years of behavior modification is to get me to take on consevative values personally and politically. Me being around conservative Repeublican types has been rewarded lately and all my habits and ways that are liberal or eccentric have been discouraged if not outright terrorized out of me. Its no surprise that many on the internet say that behavior mod programs are fully supported by right wing conservative WASPS.

Once again it does not matter how beneficial changing my belief system may be it is still the crushing of someones WIll and the natural process of a persons formation of Self that is being destroyed or stifled.

This should not be tolerated even at the cost of death. People feel that they can get away with what was done to me by placing me in a life that is safe and profitable and it seems that they feel all I needed was some exposure to these values in order to see thier merit. Yes, exposure to those values is one thing, exposing a victim of terror to those values as an option with no other way out is blackmail, bribery and behavior modification.

I cannot falter no matter what happens to be personally. I see now that Obama is just a way to make the conservative right actually look good.

Dont be fooled by this. What is happening is that you are recalling the world we all left behind as our lives were taken from us during Bush. Yes that administration was easie to deal with as there was something to react to. I dont see anyone revolting now. There is nothing to revolt against as Obamas style is more like mom dominating you than dad's overt style of male aggression.

And its sneaky and very diplomatic. Being raised by sneaky diplomatic abusers who are female I find Obama less tolerable than on outright fight. And also I feel that my true Self was being expressed in that more overt fight during Bush where as my true Self is losing ground to a false version of Self being built from years of terror and abuse and keeping me from the chance to form a life based on honest and true life experience not purposeful influencing of events. And the preservation of the true Self.

So these activities have not stopped. Just as I stated before under Obama nothing is any different in fact for those of us from Democratic liberal states like the northeast this phase might be the hardest becuz things we are familiar with are being used to con us into giving in to behavior modification. Things from our childhood and our upbringing.

So that leaves me and those like me with a choice of either giving in to the current PC cult of Obama and forgetting what happened and feeling that there is reward there with the familiarity of dem liberals and urban backround or to be so disgusted by this as to..yep, go over to the other side and convert to conservativism and republicans.

I have a right to be a Centralist as most Americans are. What is happening is that my case is so extreme that I think this system expects I will react in an extreme way and choose something far to the right out of being reactionary.

Neithe of these choices can be allowed to happen.
I and other TIs have to focuse on the human righs violations that have occured.
My health has been greatly affected due to mold exposure and stress from being terorized. I also suffer from not being able to tend to medical issues present prior to the harassment sening me out onto the road. This damage is irreversible.

This is very very serious and many aware citizens simply pretending that none of this has occured or is occurring is not going to change the damage that has been done.

My case is one of the most outrageous I have seen in all my hearing about TI's stories after years of experience. I feel I am being made an example of to show the country and the world that this system is all powerful and this IS the future of our nation as well as man kind. That no one can stop this system or anyone in it and all that need be done is to systematically ignore the victims and then no one has to deal with any of thier claims.

This extends into the study of manipulation of time and changing the timeline. If you ignore reality long enough and focus only on your own version especailly in a large group that has its Will focused on this end its projected that YOUR version though false, will take precedence over facts and the truth.

Its interesting that the radiation experiments that my mother was a documented victim of as well as MK Ultra came from Nazi doctors in the origin of much of the research that was used. They have been shown to have been very into the metaphysical and there is often rumor or some writing of seeking the secrets of time travel, manipulating time, and dealing with alot of physics and the metaphysical to these ends.

If one recalls Prescott Bush supported the Nazis perhaps financially I believe I will have to look it up again.

This is perhaps the inne core of MK Ultra and all the experiments from this era that seem so at the root of what is happening now.

THAT is just a theory though a sensible one.
Me recounting what happened to me is not a theory but fact. ALL the system or any citizen has to do is NOT LISTEN and keep disregarding me and ignoring me to make these facts have no weight in reality at all. Over these last many years its been very useful to drive me nuts to discredit me. However in my writing its been shown as well as throughout this ordeal that I have kept a level of logic and sense about me and kept it together. I will have you know that I am aware that most people woold not be capable of this and so the system has only the choice to ignore me. I can only hope that someone somewhere is listening.

It seems for some reason that no one is WIlling to make this horror stop at any point. I will take it as far as I have to as my life is ruined beyond repair anyway.

And the people behind this who are responsible for this who helped this system destroy my life need the whole world to see just what exactly this whole campaign consisted of.
And the world needs to see the dangers that are present in our modern world where the wealthy have too much power via technology and can play with peoples lives as they please in ways more cruel than real life torture ever was.
Most of this is psychological torture. If people know the way it works then perhaps they can also rise against the system as I have.

THere is never any way that you should let this system make you satisfied with being a slave no matter what is done to make it tolerable, pleasurable, or the idea that there is no way out or that one needs to realize this is the way the world is.

If that is so then why is there a need for such secrecy and being covert in the activities around a Target?

In my case its an extension of mind control slavery and there are alot of people who firmly believe in slavery and that slaves should rightly exist. That this is the proper order of things and they have the money and power to make that a reality by dominating the person into submission.
Ones Will should not be crushed so and thier True Self altered beyond repair.

One may have to die to prove one's point and for some reason its very important that I dont die in the perception of whoever is doing this.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

F*ck the USA

cant you hear the laughter? Of the rich and connected in Boston? The 'In' crowd who I was told took such pleasure in helping along my destruction? Cant you hear how dismissive they probably are of anything I say? becuz we all know none of it matters.. no one is ever going to touch any of them.
ahhhh, isnt that sweet.

And as far as this city is concerned it all happened a million years ago. And none of it matters. ha!

I dont tell my story to please them or any other outsider.

They have done quite enough damage already for years now. Me being f*cked up was some sort of way out for alot of these assh*les. Actually most of these f*ckers are more f*cked than I will ever be its just they can afford to hide. Police like them and Boston worships them and the USA lives for corrupt and powerful rich people and the lower class 'house slaves' who support their system and always have.

I want a pass port becuz obviously I am not liked or wanted here except as some sort of toy to torture. Great. If my postings havent reached foriegn shores then lets see what happens when an American treated so badly by her own country recants her tales abroad. It may be embarassing. Very much so.. in fact I hope it does nothing but embarass as we speak.
People in other nations are not so naive or sheep as the USA.

Its sad that all the people who screwed me over are people for the most part who are so wealthy that they can afford any consequences or this economy and act like nothing happened.

Rock on America! You have become intolerable to anyone who wants freedom.

And dont try any bullshit with expats going terrorist becuz if that childish desperate bullshit was my intent I would have done so by now. Knowledge and information and the truth is all one needs. This country is a prison and no one cares about what happens here anymore. Its a worship the richest assholes competition.

I stuck around for years as a very naive patriotic person and it was used against me to string me along. I dont even get to live in society in my own country. Fine if that is what you want I will leave.

I hope this place rots to hell and takes every single person who f*cked me over with it. America is a big lie and only for the rich and corrupt or those who worship them.

Have fun in the USA. Maybe you can write another pathetic country song about it. I'll block my ears in the interest of good taste ( or go listen to Hank Williams or some other 'real' country music that preaches personal freedom not kissing fascist govt ass and the entertainment industry till the death).

A piece on deprogramming from ONMC.wordpress

Gang stalking is to keep a Target down this is obvious. But after years you realize that this serves a purpose.

I know for me and alot of others it ends up being very obvious its behavior modification. In the interest of erasing memories of who you are and what you know.

Oh and ever since yesterdays post I have had a lovely day free of any strange and unusual urges to throw myself into the abyss of self destructive behavior.

And I had a hell of a time today getting an appointment for my tooth to be pulled out. But many women involved helped me get through a possible perp as well as a system set up to make you give up.

And I dont think I will have a bit of trouble when my surgery is would be awful if any mishaps occurred. Just a shame for some many people with alot to lose.
I do believe I will have a niiiiicce easy time of it. Yes.. i can see it.

And I should have had a nice easy time in my life thus far across the board.

Shouldnt I. . . .

a divorce from my hometown

Its time for an official and final divorce from Boston.

There is no hope for this place it has become so inhospitable to anyone who isnt connected or makes a certain amount of money or has a family fortune or last name.

Those things wouldnt bother me so much but on top of that this whole region has lost its character. Its not New England any more.
It was fine 30 years ago when we had our own media stations and kept to ourselves about the way things should be run. One could really have a good life as a New Englander. It was nice. Very nice.

You could live in MA and vacation in VT, go up to Maine it was wonderfully isolated from the rest of the country and the world. People had a standard for wealth...a small house in certain wealthy neighborhoods was better than the biggest house in CA.

Corporate america and value systems have destroyed new england's spirit soul and character for good. The making of Boston into a 'world class city' has made it overcrowded pathetic and a pain in the ass to naviagate. Its ugly now beyond belief. A souless piece of shit money maker to fit in with the rest of the world. Garbage.

Everything colonial has been wiped out as if symbolic threats to the mentality of the fascist NWO and police state that supports it and any city that preserves such founding forefather type symbols are places like Concord or Lexington who can afford to do so and will not be seen by the general public daily as to inspire them perhaps to fight for thier Constitution.

If you want to rule people surround them with symbols to influence them. This includes architecture and art.

Not only is this place full of miserable stressed out humans now its just not fun anymore. You cant do this you cant do that and there isnt the old combo of filth, old money, eurotrash and glamour.. the ideal of glamor is dead as a door nail anyway. Its been Wal Marted.

I used to think I had to ace my hometown becuz they need to return to me what they have teken, Well yes they still do owe me and they ARE GOING TO PAY but it cant be accopmplished by me being here. This place is an example of a prison in this new world we live in.
its time to see if a revenge can be sought from another location.

Monday, November 23, 2009

hospitals still always safe from targeting/ lots of rapes tonight with sexual arousal

What is up with hospitals? You can always bet on these institutions being a safe place from being targeted. Just in the waiting area eventually it becomes obvious that the TI can get a better quality sleep on a bench than youve had in months anywhere matter how much sleep you get.

Its becuz you get left alone. You return to a state before the targeting became very bad and a constant reality. It may be there policy but it may also be just the structure of the building as I have mentioned before. Concrete and steel. But often it feels like its the hospitals decision to be humane. And some hospitals seem to be more apt to take on that policy than others.

That was earlier today. 2nite i went to do laungry near chinatown. latino family were nice to help me AT THIER LUNDRY (OUT IN RAIN IN FRONT OF OTHER HOSPITAL TRY TO WRITE THIS.

WHILE SITTING WAITING EXPERIENCED SEXUAL AROUSAL SO SEVERE THAT IT WAS A SDCENERIO OF A SEX ACT WITH actuql physical reactions like the real act itself. this is to break down resistance to any other suggestions. this happens frequently in boston and always has,,. once again the ideation was that i get back into adult ent industry except really humiliating this time and fully aware of it. or porn or another ideation is to befcome a mans property. to just let gfo of telling story and activism.
beat down really bad afterwards with humiliation and a sort of feeling of dumb down in general.

at laundry and often as this happens i am forced or for some reason look at my refleftion in windows and focus on how bad i look now compared to waht i used to look like this is part of a sick humiliation to really get myslefl to accpept i am trash and this is my level now and i must go along with this new life and perception of myuslef.
the other thing is the demand that i enjoy such an outlook.

i am also repeartely given the ideation i am 'the whore of babylon' and the scenes that go with that are pretty bad. its not any kind of porn movie i would choose to get off on thats for sure. and what is the boston obsession every time i come here with my belly being a bit female now? i cnat stand being out of shape but wiht my bone structure i still look ok. whoever is doing this when i am in bostgon is obsesssee with me looking like mothe4r earth and its really gross.

i get why its a turn on but its not one i would choose and its certainly not appropriate by force as itg is indicative of women being pregnant and if forced is subjegation. again it doesnt matter how primitive or erotic anhy of tghis is.some of this stuff no female could escape as it works on what makes women women.

really all this is to make a female non aggressive as you are encouraging she be mom not warrior and non athletic in build. you are also conditioning the victim of these rapes to be the cultural fantasy of motherhood, sex and everything else men need to subjegagte women.

that is all that any of this is about is once again a way to get a TI to bre submissive to society and here its very big with getting me away from being young and healthy.

its that way everty time i come back here and its alwsyt coupled with bringing me down to the lelvel of your average female.

again the syswtem will do anything and use anything to break a ti. if you are a man they will work on whatever primitive urges or psycholgy they can.

what is important is not pleasure for that is a bribe to give in. its that you firmly stick to your Will and your game plan no matter whqt that is.


I notice that the when i logged into this network to post whawt was happenoing, a large part of the torture stopped.

what exactly the involvement of African Americans in covert ops/covert ops is the only thing that makes america 'great'

After last nights posts I became more curious in my own mind about my experiences. Yesterday's writing allowed these things to become more real for me...and unfortunately the horror of my life being ruined is now more real.

Yet the set up intrigues me.

There were other experiences involving all black groups. It would be interesting to understand just who they work for or who they are associated with.

Is it COINTELPRO connected? What I mean is that the people who worked for that operation were black as they had to infiltrate the Black Panthers. Could it be that they simply continued and grew into something bigger?
Could it be connected to Prince Hall?

Could black organized crime be expanding into something that sophisticated? Is it connected to something with Africa's system?

Is it a black faction of the military or other like DOD or similar?

I am not naive to the powers of Africans. I never have been. I know that in Africa they readily utilize voodoo to influence politics and elections. The power of Africans is very real in the metaphysical and whites greatest mistake is to discount such things or out of envy or fear or jeoulousy act as if blacks are not magick superior.

Lets clarify something.
If you didnt live through thousands of years of oppression from the Catholic church or an empire like Rome or other civilizations and you are coming directly from mother earth and nature your ability to connect to the natural powers that humans have out in the wild is going to be present. WHITES ARE AT A CONSTANT DISADVANTAGE due to years of being burned at the stake, tortured and trained and conditioned to fear thier own pagan roots and their connection to nature.

Then whites had to form systems to hide such practices over the centuries everything from the paganism one can see mixed into Chrisitanity especially in places lke Ireland and the latin Catholic cultures.
Farmers kept thier harvest type paganism. Humans found ways for thier connections to nature and their own power to survive.
But thousands of years is a long time. And the terror of burnings and medieval torture is enough to behavior modify anyone over time. Also the system of king, noble, surf and peasant changes peoples structure of thinking to one very different than living in tribes in nature.

The civilizations and cultures in Europe before the rule of the Christian church are now lost except to those who study such things carefully.
I hate to say this but Catholicism is a dumb down to handle and bring relief to conquered peoples. I like some aspects of it but in general when I look at the original cultures and see what remains its people are left with little access to thier natural intelligence and accesss to primitive cultural powers is limited. This does not mean that they do not possess those powers but the religion seems to provide a system almost akin to what I recognize as compartmentalization or programming.

It may serve the same purpose. To compartmentalize the being in order to limit the persons own access to thier own inner and ancestral power.
A belief system you are born into and raised with (conditioned) is not the same as natural human energy from a natural ancient culture.

It seems that the native cultures have a more solid energy as well as the ability to access natural energy. In the south west in places like Abq New Mexico its obvious to me just who's land this is as the connection to the earth in this place we call 'America' is never more real or stronger to experience for me as through the presence of that vast Native American culture there.

If you are sensitive to the power of these energies and if you have been targeted you know that blacks make the worst stalkers and harassers. Their energy especially in a large cohesive group is powerful. This does not mean they are superior it means that they have a benefit over Europeans most likely due to never having to have lived in cultural slavery like the dark ages of Europe for thousands of years. This prowess is obviously expressed in mainstream culture in things like blues music and now hip hop.

Thier presence as dissidents in slave culture is also present . Its no surprise that the slave masters felt the need to so beat down this culture with typical cruel human enslavement tactics to destroy any access to natural intelligence and primitive magickal powers.

I dont think America even begins to understand what 'slavery' really entails. It just doesnt register.
The reason Americans cant be exposed to what the enslavement of a human being really entails and the systems of mind control that are ued is that if there were these rules of thumb or a lay out of this system as simple and used repetitively PEOPLE WOULD START TO RECOGNIZE THIER OWN ENSLAVEMENT in daily life or in religion or what ever else you find yourself in.

Still after studying my own experiences as well as every other example enslavement of human beings it always entails basically the same system of trauma based mind control tactics.

One must realize the danger of blacks in war to begin with if they want a war. But what I experienced goes against everything that is taught to us concerning blacks as totally underprivileged and struggling. These groups were well funded had access to things that cost alot of money and influence to pull of what they did and they seemed especially sick and violent.
One has to consider all the claims by other TIs about "black on black violence". Dont be surprised if these types of groups come after other blacks becuz it sounds like they are doing just that. It would be interesting for other African Americans to recount thier experiences with any and all gang stalking groups that seemed like human experimentation.
I would like to think that its about the TI being an experimentee not just racial torture. Perhaps they do this to all TIs but take a special sadistic pleasure in terrorizing a white person I dont know.
I know the men as usual are the worst.

I want to know who these groups are connected to. It really does seem like human experimentation or at least torture. But why are some of the groups strictly white or strictly black? There was one instance of a mixed group of people.

There are plenty of mixed groups of perps but that is not what interests me right now.

Perhaps its just I was in areas where the perp groups happened to be black becuz that was the nature of the area. But I cant deny that blacks are always present in either the total number of the group or some part of it. Maybe that is just the make up of our nation that blacks figure prominently in number.

True in places like PA where I got messed with its all white gang stalking. But those are not the human experimentation groups.

All these people however seem to be part of this same large group who are consistent in one thing: thier cruelty, disregard and sadism in terrorizing the targeted person.
The most common communication one gets is that they even when alone as individuals are better than you. That they know what is going on that they are part of some power structure that is superior to you.
Thier job, one can be sure is to dominate the TI and the TIs whole life. But why do they believe they are superior? I mean they really believe this. There is no weak spot in thier confidence.
You have to remember however that thier confidence is based on the massive power of this covert network and they are always confident as long as they are in a car or in a group or safe from the grasp of the TI.

An anology is the way people on safari act when armed and safely driving through some wild terrain and they are protected from the animals outside. One can imagine what would happen if that large cat, ultimately more superior a hunter and killer than unprotected and unarmed man got into the car or got one of them outside the vehicle.
This is the only thing that gives them that confidence.

I have gotten a few perps away from their group or isolated them mentally while with thier group and they break like glass.

No matter what you go through you have to remember these people live off the groups power. They are still a cult in the end.

What is most interesting is why they must pick on one person and terrorize them to death.
Its definelty for hire as one black group a girl slipped and said that the group was supposed to make me feel bad. Also on the bus a girl from this group of 15 started to feel bad for me and her 16 year old boyfriend stated "shes JUST a target" to allay her feelings of guilt.

So these groups are obviously for hire. And if they see the person as just a target then they can also see them as 'just' a lab rat.

The bizarre thing is the focus and obsession with that one individual. This obsession could be seen expressed by the crime groups in Womens Lunch Place all the way to the larger cruel groups that did extreme things with terror.

One crack head made sure she told a white lady in Womens Lunch Place that I was here in Boston again (last year) and in the room in the corner. The white woman said " I dont think anybody cares any more" as if I as an obsession was no longer popular or of interest and thus not profitable and thus not worth paying attention to to terrorize.

So its obviously profit motivated. But one can see plainly the hate from the black community towards someone like me who is a white Target and the satisfaction that was gotten from destroying my life. I keep thinking what that woman in MI said. That if I stayed with her " at least you wont have a bunch of n*ggers chasing you across the country".

This is an indication that I am correct in my recalling my experiences as largely dominated by black gang stalking groups.
But also this woman's intentions were to gaslight me and enslave me as I later found out she was a mulitple felon and working with cops to get a lighter sentence...and she knew other things about my case as well..things she shouldnt know.

So its all the same system its just there are different factions. I guess the white supremists will also try to destroy you its just that they have sympathies towards me cuz I am white.

You have to understand that all the gang stalking network it the same system. However there seem to be particular hatreds that are fed into per group or person in the gang stalking of a TI and that depends on what the TI has about them you can hate on.
It also depends on what the TI has about them you can sympathize with.

But always its about handling and destroying the Target.

I do wonder if the black groups have a more specialized interest as per outside the gang stalking network. With how nasty this is and how people seem to die with ease if they get in the way of this system I doubt if there is much infighting with these groups that isnt rectified by higher ups.

The organization of these groups is outrageous. No one would ever guess that something could be pulled off like this without anyone knowing.

However what I have experienced is the USA is perfect environment for this kind of abuse of human rights.
Its too damn big of a continent. Do you really know what is going on in the mid west? Or on the east coast or in NY or in small town PA? I have traveled and seen that people think they know from the news but you know very little about places you dont go to personally.
Any of this could be easily pulled off with enough money and organization. Who is going to see covert activity who is unaware in public places or a private space that is isolated?

These operations are easily pulled off if the target is isolated and handled by the network. This is why they threaten peoples families and offer bribes or pay offs. The ultimate in 'an offer you cant refuse'.

The United States of America is not a powerful rich country with protected interests becuz of troops going to war or hardworking honest people who pay thier taxes.
Its a 'great' country ( if that is what you call the benefits) I suspect mostly due to a massive network that provides covert activities to create influence of events to the advantage of the USA.

It could be also that TIs are dealing with powerful corporate entities that dont have to answer to anyone..or worse corporations fused with govt agencies. It seems to be a fusing of govt with corporations with academic institutions and perhaps contracts.

This is what is so annoying about people continuing to claim its the govt who does these things. If you look at all documented history of human experimentation its always been govt with academic with some hidden investor.