Spirit in Black

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Please be advised that this written work is theory. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. For legal reasons I state that I have no actual belief in these theories as fact, if I did I would have sought legal recourse. Until that occurs this blog can only be considered theory. If it does then any and all actions PAST AND FUTURE that have been taken against me during the years producing this work will be labeled war crimes under international law and any other legal protections that apply.
I am a writer, an activist and artist. I claim my RIGHT TO EXIST legally under US Constitution and international law.

This is an educational blog for awareness as well as sometimes a telling of candid personal experiences to demonstrate theories as they might be experienced by a person who theoretically is existing under such conditions. Thus the 'candid' expression, poetic license and marketing myself as product or character. This is NOT a journal or diary.
Being a reasonable person of sound mind if I had concerns for my safety or others I would take responsible action for self care as my established medical history can demonstrate.
Any actions taken against me by others questioning my sanity or competence based on my produced work will be construed as activist/dissident intimidation and whistle blower retaliation and proper legal action will be taken against you by my family and support system.

Be warned that no further interference with my production of meaningful work as an artist and activist will be tolerated.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Heavy harassment again/ mobbing in shelter.

I am being harassed again heavily.

Woods Mullen shelter.
Mass Ave Boston, MA, USA.
October 29, 2008:

Dinner after town meeting in shelter. I was eating. A man sat down and started asking me questions. I have been around long enough to know to avoid this. It may have been just a lonely person but he was adamant about speaking to me so I moved. I inquired about him to another I did a tall brunette female Caucasian interrupted loudly and said "You're asking HIM if someone else is OK? HA, HA.. HE isn't ok!" I smoothed it over and said I would work it out, thanks. She had another white woman with her-short, older, sandy hair. Upon tall brunette speaking to me this older woman gave the 'talk talk' hand gesture. I did not understand this because she had initiated an interruption of a conversation.

I was in bed # 27 in Woods Mullen shelter. The foot of 27 faces the staff desks right side. Across from staff desk front is restrooms. There is a walkway to lockers/elevators that passes restrooms; there are chairs there where women sit. Bed 27 is beside this sitting space.

The tall, brunette, white F had exhibited over the past few hours a tendency to be loud, domineering and be heard to say things like the shelter was 'the block' and not the suburbs. Also, she is in with a chubby, tall Afro American woman who wears a blue cap to sleep at night that is always loud and cannot stop drawing attention to herself especially by frequently using the phrase 'You cheap, dirty whore' in jest.
This group was so loud and untruly that staff had to ask them to quiet down more than once last night. When they left for a smoke break the older women commented on how nice and quiet it was now and dreaded their return.

8:30 PM
All 'guests' are in the dorm because the kitchen is being cleaned. The tall brunette stated to staff she was going to do nails tonight. I approached staff and told them of my chemical sensitivities due to mold exposure from my former apartment and told her a little about it. She quickly acknowledged and agreed on the issues of chemical sensitivity and asthma.
She said the guests would use the chemicals in the bathroom not the dorm.
The tall brunette painted some nails quickly at staff desk. I asked if they were doing more nail work- she said 'oh, we're all done'.
After this she begins doing a guest's hair to the right of the foot of my bed in the space w/seats. I dreaded the idea of hair spray which in that space with the windows closed now would make it hard to breath. I gently inquired is hair spray going to be involved? She said no and then got defensive stating that I must think she was stupid if she did not know to not use chemicals after the nails being an issue (so why did she do them not in the bathroom as staff had told her?).
I diplomatically stated that I was simply advocating for my health issues and my asking a question did not intimate any lack of intelligence.
She then shot back "yeah, we all know you want attention, that was said about you earlier".

THIS I could not take. Not only does it invalidate one of the main reasons I am homeless now, that I will never trust HUD or the low income housing system again, it invalidates all I suffered for through years of fighting for my health and to put together that lawsuit, and it invalidates the damage I have incurred from mycotoxicosis (mold exposure).
It also intimates that she and whoever else have already focused on me and discussed me privately.
I calmly informed her that I have been homeless across this country and no matter where I am I WILL advocate for myself, that I have been coming to Woods Mullen off and on since the 1990's without issue. To which she replied "Good, now we know you've been across the country, you've been homeless since the '90s.." and some ending comment that was also nasty and I cant recall what it was.
African American girl told her to drop it and it was ”done before it started”.

This whole episode made me very upset to the point of having an anxiety attack for many hours and unable to sleep. My chest got tight.
The reason for this is, aside from her harassing me, in this particular shelter I have NEVER had an issue like this.
This is due to the nature of Woods Mullen being opposite in the social environment to say, Pine Street Inn another woman's shelter which has alot of cliques, often there is trash talk and bitchiness and alot more socializing. Mullen shelter tends to lean towards women who are chronically homeless, older women and some fairly functional mentally ill. The guests at Mullen have usually exhibited basically an attitude of wanting to be left alone and if I am not in the mood for the gregariousness or bitchiness of Pine Street I will often go to Woods Mullen, you can be aloof there without having to deal w/ some ‘tude from a woman who has an imagined slight in her mind that you think you are ‘better than’ or other such projections. The only hassles are the mental illness one may encounter but to be frank if someone talks word salad all night long and disturbs other guests, they will be asked to leave more so than at Pine Street. This is not the kind of place to have a girl gang scene, it's too damn small. Years ago it was a lot of druggies and street people who again tended to mind their own. The only problem in a place like this would be an altercation or misunderstanding that ends quickly. NEVER have I encountered this attempt to have one woman or gang of women dominate outright the whole area and other guests in a totally overt, calculated and coordinated manner.
That is more frequent at Pine Street but the multiple numbers of cliques as well as staff who are hip keeps a balance. If this ever happened at Pine Street staff wouldn't put up w/for a minute. Dorm staff at Mullen last night during incident was docile, yet I have experienced staff at Woods Mullen to be aggressive even upon asking a simple question at the desk. Staff should have not even tolerated last night's scene at all.

I decided it was just too insulting and I talked to dorm staff person. The tall brunette seemed unconcerned by it all and as I looked around waiting for staff to get off phone tall brunette commented "I cant believe that she is looking right in my face". I tried to avoid conflict becuz I need a place to sleep ..though since I travel across country frequently and I travel hard one must assume I am surely NOT afraid of physical confrontation, if it occurs which it usually does not. However, since my focus is writing I have been very..cerebral lately and that is all I really care about.
The next dorm staff person referred me to the supervisor, Otis. He was very cooperative and supportive. He said he has never seen me here before. I told him of the 1990’s at Mullen, of a councilor who basically saved my life by getting me help for recovery who drove me all the way out to another town to a very good place. He said that the councilor moved and went on to better things-good, he deserves better.
He told me that the girl was new and that fill in staff don't know what is going on or the rules too well. (I don't know if it was fill in staff at 8:30 pm or not). I was satisfied w/ Otis speaking w/ me about the incident.
I went back to my bed and noticed that the bottom of the white sheet had been tied in a knot when I was away talking to Otis. No one had seen who did it and all the time I was talking to Otis, it appeared that the tall brunette was in the kitchen not the dorm.
In the morning I would discover that two very shiny pennies had been put under the sheets on the bed-they were not there when I made the bed. This is what made the whole thing the most disturbing- that these were done after I spoke to a supervisor.
I have seen this before, down south. It is old harassment tactics that were used by the KKK and are still used now. My post months ago on the MO fire dept, articles in the St. Louis newspaper, having inside racial tensions through using nooses, packages of saltine crackers and other symbols to harass via racial meanings attached to the symbols-the FBI had been called in and it diffused with each side saying it was just pranks..Well, there was more going on in the newspaper than pranks. For instance a black guest I discussed it with next morning immediately knew these symbols were intended to harass and they meant 'we are focusing on you'. A white guest earlier today didn’t understand the symbolism.
What is frightening to the victim in a case of mobbing is that the symbolism intimates that you are one person being targeted by a group and you never know what they will do and when, it is a very subtle intimation of violence even death, psychologically that is how it works. The message is that the victim does not have control at all at any time.

10 pm Tall brunette chatting away to staff at the desk. I was concerned because I thought I overheard her saying a bag of her's was missing. I was afraid I would be accused of stealing to get revenge for her behavior earlier. This would be a logical possible next move for her. After she got done chatting I got up and approached staff and asked if her bag was missing, I explained what occurred earlier. She said there was no theft; she said she would watch for further activity.

I was nervous when I woke up, upset.
Breakfast: Was told tall, brunette was name Shelley and she has been hanging out in the Dorchester, Mattapan hoods. She has been involved in certain activities and she has a 'man'(Afro American male-no name provided) at Woods Mullen in the men's dorm. I could not verify this information.

Dorm staff referred me to downstairs staff.I wanted to leave documentation w/ a supervisor. The sheet and the penny introduced mobbing and that has to be documented before it gets out of hand.
I talked to a male staff downstairs, he told me they weren't even supposed to ever use chemicals or sprays in the dorms. I told him this was not just some small grievance. I stated I wanted it documented and on file. He said wait for supervisor who is on break. That was at 7 am today. I was told at 7:30 am today that the supervisor had left for the day and not just on break.

As I sat and wrote, I noted some things...there is one staff there that used to be homeless--I have experienced him in the past speaking of a client who was advocating for herself by saying "It must be a mental health thing." intimating that her grievances were mental illness. I noticed that the very dark man who was behind the downstairs desk gave a big sigh as I went into the room to speak privately w/male staff member John. He seemed to have less of a perception that I was wasting people’s time or perhaps 'seeking attention' (hmmm) when I came out from telling the whole story. I also noted that when the tall portly black girl who is in Shelly's group left, she walked past me and shook her head disapprovingly as she saw me writing on paper.

Not just to be harassed by one person who seems to be a bully but an effort on alot of people's part to make sure the victim stays silent about the incident via intimidation and invalidation tactics.

So that should have been that.

Women's Lunch Place
Newbury Street, Boston MA, USA.

Daytime drop in center for females. Both women from Mullen last night were there-tall, brunette I.D.'d as Shelly was there as was the tall, portly Afro American female. Some of the same females from Mullen I saw associating w/these women were now at the same table.
This table is known as Table 1 at WLP. I have posted about it in the summer of 2008 as I had some..difficulty that was very subtle including some older women who were there and I believe some of the same women as today. Everyone complains about this table as bullying and loud. I have had no trouble except for that one incident months ago.

There are often the same women at this place year after year. There is a big Jamaican woman who sits in the back who watches everything like a hawk.
This woman made a stink by claiming I got in front of her in line in the area of coffee, bread and butter. This area is often a chaotic place and the more mentally ill guests will often just reach or get right in front of you and you just let it go. If you say anything it's like talking to a wall. There is a single file line for the main meals and staff has to make sure that stays orderly.
I was toasting something and I was retrieving it from the toaster, there was no waiting in 'line', unless she was waiting for my toast.
There was no room IN the toaster. I and another woman had items in the toaster. One would think she would want me to remove my item from the toaster because then she could put her food into it. But she claimed I cut her in a 'line', I explained that I was getting toast out, she did not respond logically and then another woman came out of nowhere, piped up to her defense said I cut her, I was rude about it...something was wrong. Usually not this many people jump in to a situation like this at WLP. Then the Jamaican handled me and acted like I was crazy and told me to have a blessed day, basically dismissing me.
I have not experienced this at WLP, not since 2006 when I was homeless as I left 335 Washington, Brighton due to it being uninhabitable.

I stated loudly but calmly as I sat at a table that I would not be harassed and it has been exposed before and it stopped and it will be exposed again. Table 1 heard this and Shelly decided to get vocal. I ignored her.
Later she came my table, arms locked, looking right down at me and tried to speak to me. I told her not to. I do NOT want a lone moment with this woman at all; I fear she will further abuse me. I want witnesses at every word and every incident.
I had to get up from my seat and actually had to keep moving away from her physically around the floor. She acted as if it was some pre fight ritual behavior when I was just trying to stay out of trouble and have a place to stay.
She stated mature women like her 'take care of their problems personally', her rationale for coming to my table. I said very loudly I did not want to be alone with her. Everyone made a big dramatic noise as urban populations love this sort of extremely trashy, cheap drama. Very Gerry (Springer). She then slammed down on her knees and yelled "but I just want to love you!" and the crowd laughed. I told her you don't do that in HERE and that this is not the street. She had trouble thinking of a reply and finally stated that the street was right outside- more baiting for a physical altercation.
A staff from kitchen came out, a deformed woman from perhaps a childhood ailment or accident. She immediately focused on me and not at all on Shelly and continued to do so as she stated "You come to me when something happens". I am cannot think of that when I am trying to avoid someone who feels the need to chase me around a room. I don't even know who this woman is, I only recognize a few of the staff regulars. Finally a black woman who handles this trash regularly who seems hard but very fair pulled me aside. "SHE came over to the table?" news flash people, this girl is harassing me. She then came out and asked everyone behave.

After the incident a black woman sat down next to me. Conversation started. I guess I started talking to her becuz it felt like protection from the group at table 1.
She is from Washington DC. She is here visiting her girlfriend. She has a nice place now in DC except it's full of crack heads, she had to move there on emergency due to the fact that she had a moldy apartment that killed her cat and made her sick. Another older white woman had sat across from her and was also interjecting that her father’s house was full of mold as she pulled off the floor boards. I encouraged the black woman; she claimed she was trying to publish a book. She also made a lot of other claims as well, that she was an artist and a musician. She told me she has a time waster in her life, someone who takes many hours of her time to get a small amount of studio work done. I told her to get away from him. Afterwords she thanked me for talking to her, I said maybe I talked to much, she ended w/ a cryptic “You should talk more"...uhh, ok.

As the day went on there was another Mullen frequent guest who is a petite, white female who seems quiet and is a Christian church goer. She was harassed by members of this group today as well. The woman she had difficulty with, her lesbian girlfriend in a wheel chair wheeled by and stated "Don't mess with my man". The Christian girl stated that she had nothing to do with it but with that group they are all in it when there is a problem w/ one. I told her she was not the only one being harassed by this group.
She stated that there have been multiple complaints about this group to staff, about thefts etc. and nothing is done.
I can understand this because logically no proof is furnished. You'd have to have a witness of a video or the theft. Also, their dominance and bullying are not really taken seriously as a lot of psychological harassment isn't in a lot of settings.

I left w/ an associate of mine. She has also had issues w/ this group but she also cannot pin point an individual or an isolated act w/ witnesses. She requested I team up w/ her and go to staff. This is not logical. Unless she has an incident with evidence why go to staff? So they can see us all as whiners and totally use it to cover for the crime group? Something seems off about it.

I advised everyone go to staff, demand every incident be noted w/ out emotion attached to it, and do not demand staff take action just document EVERY INCIDENT. If they had done so there would be documentation a mile long on this 'group' and perhaps a link could be made to outside gang affiliation or activity. I am sure the cops are salivating to get any of these women and their men especially, who should be the real players in more serious crimes in the area.
I would love to see these women's records and know exactly why they feel they have immunity.
However, me focusing on them would be a diversion to what I am doing and they know this. It is why they exist in the first place.

What I went through was humiliating especially since I cannot readily fight back as I would like. I have not experienced this much difficulty in a years and it was upsetting. What bothered me most was the calling my advocacy for my health issues "attention seeking". And the way this woman just invalidates a person so viciously.

It provided a distraction for me getting other things done in my day, namely that a day or two ago I spoke to a lawyer about getting my paperwork and documentation from the lawsuit against OLNICK, Hampton Management and Warren Hall Trust also involving HUD for the water damaged apartment and mold exposure and some other errands I have to run.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ned and Ralph-The Metro Newspaper

Ahhh here I go again. My head on the chopping block, no place to live but full of commentary and opinions. I suppose in my position I of all people can afford the luxury of saying what is on my mind...what are ya gonna do? (snicker) Destroy my life?

So I am now going to comment on a writers article...I am so under the radar and the m o is to ignore me until I 'go away' anyway, so why not use it?

Article in Metro newspaper Boston edition.

Showing more and more why it is free. I can't find all these on the website only in the hard copy.
Page 06:
The Palinometer-
First there are face shots of Palin with cheap shots written for each photo. (No one likes an aggressive, brunette female in this country one.) Nothin like avoiding having to actually debate someones policies opposed to the cost of her wardrobe.

And then we have a blogger who sinks to bitching instead of demanding a return to sanity not the society of the streamlined brat.
And yes, newsflash, Obama has some dark stuff like everyone else. Like his connection to Kenya, his birth certificate etc. Grow up kids, elections are for voting for the people who are going to give you and your country what it needs at a certain time. Not electing saints. A saint would be highly suspect.

And the reason for this post. Ned Ehrbar does not seem to like Ralph Nader.

His article reads :
"Political gossip. How about some news about something that has nothing
to do with the presidential election?
Would you like that? Sure.
Ralph Nader claims that over the weekend he set the record for the most campaign speeches given in Mass communities on Saturday. Jeebus, 255 minutes of Ralph Nader's droning voice-can you imagine?
Thank god Pres. Bush legalized torture, or Ralph could be in some serious trouble. The important thing is we've found a way to keep Ralph distracted while the rest of us get on with electing a president. And it seems to be working.
Watch out next weekend when he sees how far he can pull a bio diesel-modified 1978 Mercedes with his teeth. As long as its not in a swing state!"

Whether you vote for him or not what Nader is doing is perfectly legal and I believe he is excersing his rights and also probably illustrating that there are other choices than the two parties that are often compromised.

The blatant disregard for Nader's past as an activist and a person fighting the good fight is disgusting and outright disrespectful.
The sound of the man's voice grating on Junior must have to do with this youngsters affiliation with music as he is the Star magazine's music editor. (STAR???).
And Nader himself wrote all 255 minutes, mr. twist around so don't try to make it like someone put something in his way to "keep him busy"...sheesh.
Incidentally, this is a man who had the smear people on his ass and not only outwrangled them, but sued them for wiretapping and surveillance of him. He's an old pro at the Diversion & Distraction department so don't get too excited, kiddo.

And no one appreciates the comment on Bush legalizing torture more than an overt victim or it's covert victims either.

This is the typical make a name for yourself by pulling someone else down crap that is so prevalent now. It is anti intellectualism at its worst for it pretends to be witty and thought out. Its a drive by brat attack and that's it.

Right now ladies and gentlemen I, Gen X, would like to apologize for the 1990's. Here as I stand I swear that our youthful spoofing and brattiness, as simply a backlash towards our hippie parents turned Yuppies and the culture of political correctness, based on the Surrealism of Fire Sign theater and MST 3000..our tendency to take a scalpel to everything and dissect it and criticize it....I swear we did NOT mean to create a following generation of kids who only know cynicism as commendatory and live off technology. WE ARE SORRY! WE DIDN'T KNOW! WE WERE ALL TAKING H ON WEEKENDS AND LISTENING TO PEOPLE FROM SEATTLE WHO SUFFERED FROM SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER! WE WERE ONLY TRYING TO SHUT UP OUR PARENTS ONCE AND FOR ALL AND REBEL IN A WAY THEY DID NOT...but eventually we wanted the extension of their dream. When Kurt makes fun of "Smile on yer brother" on Nevermind yes, we all enjoyed it. But we also cannot help but be products of it as well. The blatantly going after people based on cosmetic disadvantages, the lack of respect for personal freedom..its an extension of Beavis and Butthead and we are truly sorry.

What is most disturbing is the intimation that he speaks for 'the group'. That the rest of 'us' will be getting on with electing a prez from the popular parties. Is this kids next piece going to be messing with the Libertarian candidate?
Its a global world where the yuppie brat rules. Where the group is most important and the collective yet isolated experience of individuals thru technologies with others defines their 'world'.

I appreciate you Mr. Nader. I am not sure of cadidate choice yet, but you are a shining example of an individual doing what you feel is right for the good of all...not hiding behind the group for quick approval. And exercising your rights when it seems foolish to others.

And I support this kid in his writing. People in the arts cant be all bad. His right to free speech is fully supported by me and I am not insulting him personally or any other cheap shit..or telling him to stand down becuz I dislike his article. In other countries, to this day, one cannot say what one wants in a newspaper. I mean it applies to the US but not overtly. We have the Internet and alternative news anyway.

The dumbing down of America, the loss of civility. Someone said to me yesterday "America is being humbled". It was the most disturbing thing I've heard yet. She pointed out the Harry Potter fascination at Harvard University and how many people live here who aren't from here...who don't understand Here. I don't like to think that she is correct. But it seems that way. And the easiest way to get yours now is to join that effort to destroy anything that seems... authentic.

MA 2008 ballot: advice for the oppressed.

As a targeted individual we have much different circumstances to live in than others. Some TIs are wealthy but are prisoners in thier own lives.
Some TI's are driven to homelessness and can't work even if they wanted to due to workplace 'mobbing' always being an issue anywhere they go.
This is made more possible for the oppressive covert system by the increased amount of businesses that do not pay under the table or have to 'play ball' with state and gov't in other ways. The good part of this is that there is accountability in that workplace for mobbing at work but if a person were sympathetic to a TI and wanted to provide a safe place to earn income this may be beyond their control if they state and govt have official tip off of thier being employed. It is also discouraging for alot of TI's becuz here we go again with having to fit into the cookie cutter mold when really you are being put through society's meat grinder daily.
Alot of TI's find themselves at the mercy of state/Fed assistance whether they like it or not. Alot of 'regular' people do not understand the circumstances and as it stands now, they will easily believe what they are told- put politely: that we are mistaken. So TI's are fugitives out in the open. And really only other TI's, perpetrators from the system of oppression and onlookers who are hip to what is happening are in the know.

This changes a TI's outlook and daily living. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU STOP VOTING AND CRAWL INTO THE DARKNESS LIKE THE SYSTEM fact you should refuse to 'go away' quietly and if you never voted, START VOTING.
Voting can provide not only a sense of accomplishment and control that TI's badly need but if targets apply the reality of thier situations to voting, some revenge or evening up may be had.

This state needs to get honest about what it spends its money on. Ya wanna know why its the nanny state? So that they take care of the poor-even enable them and also manage them so that no one notices how much corruption there is through the good ol northeast mob/union/govt system.
There should be more getting people to reach thier full potential not just giving out money to the poor. But I notice alot of programs for the poor are purposefully anti-intellectual.They are either institutionalized or out right old school harsh parochial/puritan style run.
As long as there is covert oppression and people cant get help via proper channels then there will be a need for a net.
This is one of the reasons that MA is the way it is. MA has been around a very long time and it seems by its policies and laws that it is aware that there is covert systems of oppression of people that are part of the system as a whole and cannot be dragged out into the open and destroyed...thus panhandling is legal state wide and towns/cities are allowed to make thier own statutes. There are good homeless services. I believe that this area is trying to take care of the targeted in many ways.

So if you are a target then vote like one. If you are sympathetic to the issue then weave it into your view of reality when you make choices daily or vote on issues.

So, it seems that alot of TI's are harassed by firemen, police are involved and those damn other union people like MBTA and city workers/construction workers. Alot of TI's have named these groups as having large perp populations. And they are extremely arrogant and gloating about hurting TI's.
But I notice that the voting choices are set up so that if you wanted to get revenge on say, taking away state money for construction projects and cutting police, fire ambulance employees (all notorious perp populations) then if one voted for cutting thier funding a TI on assistance would also risk cutting money needed for the poor. And if you think about it, it seems that these unions will shut the city down to get thier way...what do homeless people have as leverage? Nothing. So I got nervous thinking they'd cut funding for the poor before cutting the possible spoilt brat strikers. And Targets are the oppressed poor, we are mistreated even among the poor populations.

So I wanted to vote YES on #1. It would cut pay and jobs from the union groups I mentioned and lower construction jobs. All sounds like good revenge.
But it's too risky becuz it would possibly cut programs TI's need and who knows, maybe the greedy bastards might need more perp assignments to get by if there were cuts. I decided the net is better, becuz then the union brats have pacifiers in thier constantly open mouths and those of us in 'no exit, no growth' lives would at least have a net. Who knows what that "41% waste" spending is that they speak of ?
I wish they would let voters know more details, like exactly what would be cut.

The lazy, free loading poor need to go. But then I think, how many are targeted? Its not easy to reach your full potential when you have lots of the good old constant 'bad luck', 'tough breaks' and psychological harassment everyday. You get knocked down and cant really get up again at a certain point. TI's and the covert system of oppression's lies cost the state and the public tax dollars. Every day. There is a difference between people who are kept down who need a net and people who are lazy and sneaky who have decided to stop trying or were raised to never try. Also, why dont they have a question on the ballot to outlaw crack and mean it? To outlaw drugs and mean it? Becuz at upper levels you have corrupt authorities that manage crime.

One thing that must be done is to stop enabling generations of poverty. Having babies isn't your obligation, ladies, and if you are destitute ONE IS ENOUGH. But in order to survive often the poor have big families. I do not believe that the state or govt should pay for women who want to have multiple children they cannot afford and keep on having them. If poor women didnt have babies as par the course when young and were encouraged to concentrate on themselves personally we would have a female population of poor that could support each other emotionally as well as poor men, who seem more lost than women in poverty.

I have found that alot of perps are pot smokers. I do not know why that is but it is a pattern. Firstly, Cannabis is different than Hemp. Hemp would be useful as clothing and paper even fuel. Cannabis sativa is 'pot', the stuff people smoke. However, the pot out there now is not the pot of the 70's or 80's. In the 1990's I noticed a change. I am straight edge myself due to health issues and my own preference, but I did try some in the early '90s and was alarmed at the results. It seemed waay stronger and there was something bad about it. Like it was very heavy and not pleasant. It was not the pot of my youth or my mothers generation-that giggly silly stuff that helped one make great artwork as well as made one feel brotherly love in the 1960's. I had become convinced that changes were being made to pot at the level of the seeds -like possible genetic engineering or hybridizing the plants. If this were the case pot could become a DRUG OF SOCIAL CONTROL rather than freedom and positive experience. Why not?
The way people categorize drugs as a danger to human health is unrealistic and based on the folklore of the mythical drug subculture or the anti drug culture of fear.
LSD is ergot poisoning (mold) and you might as well expose yourself to mold.
Americans are like children when it comes to looking at illicit drugs for what they are-drugs. Chemicals; they should be treated with respect becuz they can do horrible damage but they can also help humans if used medicinally.
Unfortunately, in our industrialized society, 'drugs' as recreational drugs, are sold to users in a bastardized form from nature's creation with all kinds of god knows what put into them to maximize profit.
THEY ARE NOT PHARMACEUTICAL GRADE. THERE USED TO BE TESTING CENTERS FOR DRUGS IN THE 1970'S AND WITH MDMA (Ectasy) IN THE '90S. THESE NO LONGER EXIST LEAVING THE USERS TO RELY ON MYTH AND FOLKLORE IN THE DRUG SUBCULTURE which is the main danger to taking illegal drugs along with the criminal culture that comes along with it. Drugs being illegal puts users in a world and mentality of crime that lasts a lifetime. It makes people feel that they must be sneaky to feel good. There is a difference between a career criminal or gang who likes to smokepot and a gullible population who can be utlized and controlled BECUZ they smoke pot.

I do not like the change in pot users. They are depressive, non caring and drug users have always formed special interest groups over bonding through using the drug illegally.

Years ago before Bush Jr. came in there were pills called THC pills. They were for people who could not eat due to illness. I noticed that there seemed to be a pure 'love your brother' feel to these and the people taking them seemed mello, feel good. I thought that this resembled the pot of the past...what if pot is being altered to make people depressive, non caring and zombied out? Instead of connecting and a feeling of spiritual peace and calm?


I strongly opposed this and do not want to vote 'YES'. Pot is not what it used to be and the culture is not a pleasant one nowadays.
However, I do not think that CORIs for a minor offense are good for people trying to get work or that prisons should be full for a small amount of pot. There needs to be changes in what people know about drugs and it needs to stop being covertly marketed as rebellious. The drug culture is a place where alot of people end up who are potentially very bright and the drone-like environment didn't provide them with stimulation.
It is also natural and healthy for humans to try to self medicate out of pain or damage to the spirit.
Until we face other issues in our immature society that ignores emotions and other legit human needs I am not going to be part of putting people out for trying to change thier consciousness in a culture that pushes robotic obedience, conformity and nowadays mindless hatred of thier fellow man if not disregard for other people in general. And the lack of art in daily life, the push to compete in the global markets is ruining the culture of simply being human. We are not machines.
Then again maybe if the rules remain strict people wont be tempted to try it. I dont know why so many perp groups I have encountered smoke pot. Its kind of creepy. We all know the drug trade is part of a TI's getting targeted on a few levels. But should that affect the small time users? But there it is from a TI perspective. Oh, I did not consider how many TI's are out there who may utilize marijuana and risk being arrested moreso than other people using. And the prison system, who classically engages in illegal human experimentation and denying people their human rights wouldnt get thier hands on so many TI's as well as people in general for minor offenses. Hmmm.

This is about racing Greyhounds. I know they adopt them out now but that took alot of effort on animal rights activists. And I never want to see gambling come to MA and if it does I'll be damned if they do it on the dogs back.

And there is the prez election we all know but also please vote for all the other positions, do research on what they are really up to and who they stand for. As a TI it isnt easy.
Alot of us are targeted using union members it seems so voting Democrat supports them. Republicans as they are now, support alot of the oppressive measures taken against us and would cut programs we rely on if we are poor and kept that way or made destitute. But when you vote do what suits you best as a targeted individual in your circumstances, whatever will max your chances of survival and punish perps the most.

Good luck.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Another score for the FBI's kid brother-All grown up!\Elections\20081027\Skinhead-Plot.xml&cat=politics&subcat=elections&pageid=1
OK so a bunch of kids who listened to too much Hatecore music had decided to go for it. Uhh, if you were on a big killing spree I assume that you'd attract so much attention that you'd reduce your chances of getting to candidate. (duh).
The ATF bugs me. ..after Waco and them tagging along with the FBI like a kid brother to make a name for themselves w/ their new windbreakers they had on with ATF in big letters to market them back into existence (they were a dept that was going to be liquidated for being obsolete).
Well, when yer tryin to make a name for yourself.

One of the lone survivors of Jonestown is still appalled that the FBI doesn't seem to know how to handle a group of people w/ a cult mentality without it turning ugly.

Seems whenever people are tryin to make a name for themselves there must be everyone who perps TI's for instance.

Interesting though, that in the big picture, there is the gang stalking system, which leaves all TI's with the impression that there is a system in place that knows pretty much who all the serial killers are, who all the real criminals are and pretty much who is doing what at any time. Which is why TI's can never be validated.
The only way out of that maze is if people were told that only certain 'targeted' people were constantly monitored....not all of society. But with such an extensive spy network-??

Kind of a drag isn't get kicked out of the house, walk outside, discover what is really out there in this world and now you are so can never go back in-unless you say you imagined it all.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The "strange org stalk flyer under my door" thread
Anyone who has done research for years...well the last few years I guess, you had to have seen this by now. It always bugs me for some reason. Always.

Its jsut...on this thread there are a few people who seem ignorant of gs and then some TI's get on there and advocate and of course people start heavily nay saying.
My hats off to the active TI's who do this sort of work. I dont think I have ever been in a chat room or on a thread at any time in my life. It would...put ripples in my pool. And I need that to fight them day to day in real life.
My gawd. I cant imagine perps I cant see (cyberspace) writing stuff and pissing me off. What is great is that not just the hardcore TI's get on like a bunch of regular people pipe up.

What is so strange is...I mean I just wonder if the nay sayers or ignorant ones are perps or...just in denial. How can u deny something that is right there in history.
I guess that is the benefit of living in cyber space and not having to read a history book. It just scares me the easy deniability.

And the start always pisses me off : 'STRANGE org stalk flyer under my door. '

He says its 'creepy' and 'creepier'. Try living it dumbass.

And what the f*ck does " a little more than a bit tin foil hatish" mean? Did this guy take English in high school at all? I am homeless and losing it and I even know that doesnt 'sound right'...or even attractive to come out of ones mouth...or to write!! How about ' totally ignorant of reality-ish'? Ewww.
Listen: ALERT TO ALL TI's. Dont waste your time arguing, ever again, with anyone who puts
'-ish' at the end of any word..especially to describe a human rights violation, a crime or mobbing.

'Could be Halloween?' This aint no trik muthaf*cka, when you get targeted you'll know it, boy.

"Organized stalking meets the definition of what I posted earlier. As to this person, who is telling about organized stalking which is legitimate but then adding falsities to the mix of which did not happen and of spamming the forums, this is not a normal behavor of a normal sane person. "

Uhh, I dont quite understand what happened but it could be a pissed off TI or a TI who has been targeted too long. Also it might have been a perp posing as a crazy to make TI's look insane.. I dont quite know what the dynamics of play and engagement is in the cyber chat and thread world. Like tactics and such.
But it seems like a balanced least he says its legit.

What pisses me of most I guess is that if I imagine being there, it is pretty funny. They have the luxury of not being a TI. Then I have to realize that I cant be those guys. That I dont have fun conversations, that I cant afford the luxury of avoiding serious reality.

Actually this thread is useful. It might bring you back to a time when you had a lighter attitude and you could join w/ another person, blow things off.

Targets lives are heavy burdens everyday and on top of that there is no more engaging with people as such. You cant trust anybody. Never.

And dont tell me on page 2 that there is really a perp coming out like that. It cant be that easy..I mean they cant be that stupid and careless...then again from what I see in person. Hmmmm.

the millionaires club/org stalk- clues

( let me tell u a trick I have learned about viewing written word. The illusion provided by all these graphics on the web really screws with the written word. If you want to get real' while writing use your HTML tab to write your blog and while reading off internet try to acquire a cheap phone like mine where the Internet sucks and it shows u websites in a text only mode and is snail slow. The perceptions of what you are reading are much more realistic. I find that writing and thought process while writing varies depending on medium, like visual arts...painting differs from drawing, etc.Well, when I write on the PC it is a different flow of consciousness than paper tablet writing or texting on the cheap phone. Which differs from recording video or audio journals. So viewing differs as well. I always find things I would not have by doing research on the cheap phone Internet. )
---------------------------------------------- -------------------------------
This is a good thread. Whosarat.

There are people on there that always advocate that GS is legit and does exist. Once more they are people aware of criminal activity not conspiracy theorists. I have had my best leads from GS perps who were career criminals who felt badly becuz of the honor among thieves thing..and innocence thing. Like the fact I am so obviously not a career criminal and had no idea what was going on most of the time. And that it was underhanded what was/is being done to me. Like they knew I was hardly equipped to defend myself. Alot of them thought it was unfair and you could tell.

There have been a few places on web I have seen the millionaires club posted as a theory connected to gang stalking. At least this one lets you know the original story then makes possible connections.

The guy drugging women with GHB is the Max Factor heir who bounty hunter Wayne Chapman captured in Mexico ("Dog" The bounty hunter). Set aside whatever you think about the TV show, this was for real.
Notice how his career got messed up after that? I don't mean the overt legal stuff concerning the fact Chapman was not supposed to go to Mexico to capture this guy,
I mean the 'N' word used in a private phone conversation by Chapman that got put out into the public recently. So Chapman saves countless women from further harm and captures a predator of women and his whole existence is defined by one slip of a derogatory word?
Welcome to Smear. (Possibly).
I mean I just think the timing is strange.
I dont know the whole history of his career or his group to say what really happened with that.

Anyway, this theory using a possible nano tech Pimp/Rapist club is a great connect the dots but let me add to it...
From the article linked above:
"All that a perpetrator has to do is convince the community that a certain person is a pedophile or drug user or gang member and there is a grant program to help destroy this person’s life.
(This I don't know about, have never heard of. What grant they speak of? No documentation furnished).
One of the major obstacles I have found in the past 10 years, as I have tried to help these people, is the fact that many victims are chosen because they already have a bad reputation. Gangs that are grooming victims into this new kind of sex industry prey on drug addicts, mentally ill, ex cons, astrologers, nudists, pagans, homosexuals, and others that live on the ‘fringes’ of what is considered socially acceptable. Choosing to victimize these ‘fringe’people almost assures the victimizer’s success. At the onset, no one takes them seriously or accepts them as honest and reliable people. Therefore, they are much easier to target. Other people that make easy targets are those who may not be mentally ill, per se, but have serious personality defects and are already hated by everyone they know. Such people may be extremely selfish, obsessive in some way, or never shut up until you want to cram your shoe in his or her mouth. They may be impossible when they are conscious, but unconscious, they are very valuable to the pimp of this kind of prostitution.
Unfortunately, their children are being raped right now and law enforcement isn’t doing one thing to stop it. ( Are we talking about the women or their children?)
These links were sent to me by a victim named John Finch. He and many others are trying to get some kind of government attention to help them. "

When I read this I was somewhat offended and suspect. Really annoyed.
How can anyone speak of any victim that way? It sucks. Its mean and insulting.
And whoever wrote this who is so unfeeling towards victims who thinks they are clever trying to make fun under the radar is now responsible for helping to connect the dots. Hope yer just a bitchy TI hunny, and not a perp cuz you screwed your self w/ this one.

First of all if someone is a trauma victim they are going to be difficult. Singling out that a
strologers would be targeted is a most interesting choice.
And how do you know who the victims are anyway? (!).

All that aside lets clean this MESS up first.

If someone is fringe, yes, it takes from thier credibility, (
a word this person could have used in thier rant instead of calling homosexuals "fringe people").
There is some sense to this, from the criminal perspective some of the mentioned people are easy targets to victimize in theory.

But there are alot of people not described as 'fringe people' who get targeted. The only place I have seen people who are targeted get singled out for being fringe is from other TI's who are so desperate to make thier movement look legit, that they want only the sort of people society would see as credible.These groups deal more w/technologies and org stalk. I notice they know little about tbmc and programming, which would include alot more creative, highly intel types...and people with psych and trauma issues. An eccentric person may have a brilliant mind that was compartmentalized all thier lives and supressed that is so active that it never learned control. Sadly this leaves alot of suffering mind control victims right out in the cold..alot of tbmc survivors are trying to deprogram as well as be harassed and stalked on the outside. To tbmc survivors these complex mental gymnastics are not big deal...but an overload to the system like this sort of demand will cause them to be unstable. And the survivor's internal chess player will sit calmly and take all the abuse and still try to 'play' no matter what is put before them. Other TI's should be appreciating that kind of strength like hell, not being mean to survivors or excluding them.
That is what gs is supposed to do to programmed TI's. Sensory overload. To burn and destroy the person plain and simple.

But what this person is missing is the back connections to what is really going on.

There is human experimentation that went on long before this group of renegades from wherever (Defense Dept? Please furnish proof, or at least reprint here say)
as well as wealthy bachelors took advantage of high position and new tech.

Mind controlled slaves-trauma based mind control and programming.

Its not just the few survivors who write books, who if you notice, all had the money or connections to survive. There are survivors of programming at all levels of society. If someone is an 'expendable' then they are low level-not less attractive or intelligent but something about them is not as important to them remianing active in the system. Their family background or whatever.

Those reasons are not important now. What is is that you realize that alot of people who are deemed 'expendable' level mind control slaves could be being recycled and put up for sale or at least for grabs by these other groups of criminals. It would make sense. They are already programmed with sex slave programming, they might even be implanted and if the programming or implants are failing then as the article reads-new ones, the new undetectable ones could be added to the body. All you'd have to do is erase memories (brain damage, dumb down, via chemical exposures and/ or the mc technologies) and make sure that suicide programming is gone so they can be used without self destructing. This could be why people who know they are survivors are being broken down it seems, dumbed down, retrained via gang stalking methods of behavior modification. To retrain the person to be a sex slave without trigger words or programming.

This would make sense to greedy stupid criminals. They figure the person has been able to be accessed all their lives via programming-trigger words and hypnosis, why not put them in the same situation?
This would explain why expendables are not suiciding. And it would explain why the reprogramming seems like it is being done by people who dont care, have no healing energy and are out to get results and have no care for the slaves sanity or health. Why there seems to be an element out there that can access us via tech, wishes to poke around in order to find out all they can about the original programming-but seem to have little understanding of it. This would also explain gang interest in me and other survivors of tbmc.

They seem to be very interested in testing intel and seeing what we are about. If they were the original programmers, they would already know. To my internal programming they seem very stupid at they dont know my abilities and are shocked I could 'see' them or sense I was being mind gamed then observed. SOMEONE OTHER THAN OUR ORIGINAL PROGRAMMERS IS VERY INTERESTED IN MIND CONTROLLED SLAVES. The reading I have always gotten on these people is that they are very dangerous to the balance of power and should not be allowed to gain any real power. They are novices and not to be tolerated.

I also now understand why we are given suicide programming that gently and painlessly gives us the commands to suicide. To protect us from greedy, evil people who would experiment on us, exploit us and tear us down to gain our secrets.

I can see this happening too. On the internet there is a thread:this woman
's boyfriend tried to mind control her by using info posted about Monarch originally for survivors and therapists. She was afraid to get help becuz she said what he did to her was in part 'bizarre' ( I bet). I wrote to her via another blog that the only way a true slave could be formed was certain blood lines and from birth by people who knew what they were doing intergenerationally.

I also cannot believe that the people who create slaves would allow fumbling players to take control of old assets. I mean it just blows my mind.

BUT..whatever is happening it serves some sort of purpose over the long term.

So if the people who are being chosen have habits like talking too
much...well guess what can cause that? Being targeted with technologies.

Also, if someone is being tortured for info by a handler who knows that they were a courier and were specifically chosen for this because their family line is communicative and verbal-if they are decompartmentalizing it may be very easy to make them 'talk' about info--in superficial compartments anyway.

Another thing is that alot of people who are trauma victims talk too much. Its called 'flooding' in the world of psychology. If they are trying to use talk as a way to reduce anxiety this also works. Women especially enjoy hearing the sounds of their own voices as a mechanism for self comfort. There is a behavior called self talk also. People believe it is a sign of mental illness but in sane individuals it is an exercises in mental health. It is self healing. It is used to reduce anxiety, and yes, eccentrics have done it through out history but also regular people do it in not so bold ways; a survey was done and found alot of people talk into their cell phones or their ear pieces when no one is there. It cures social anxiety, and for those who self talk as an anti anxiety they feel perhaps they will not be persecuted for no one will catch them doing it. Paris Hilton has allegedly done this when she is out so people wont bother her so much in public as it will appear she is busy on the phone. With the amount of cameras around her I cant say I blame her. It also prob affords her some privacy out in public becuz really she is dealing with spaces in her own mind as well as silence in the other end of the phone.

Its a creatives psychological invention to have sanity prevail and deal with overload, for her it seems it would be a tactic to handle crowds. But it would work theoretically.

This is why someone may "talk so much you want to sick a shoe in thier mouth." The poor things are flooding if its psychological and if they are targeted with remote influencing tech its probably for the same purpose as the handler- to get info out of them.
These people are not 'mentally ill'. Like the creative mind that creates multiple personalities to deal with early trauma this is that same sort of mind finding a way to deal with excess anxiety. It also has to do with mpd or disassociation and that is too complicated unless you are there yourself.

Outsiders will never get it. Its not like Sybil or some nonsense. And people don't talk to themselves becuz they are talking to their alters-perps have been trying to wrap me in a pretzel for years now to trip me up over behaviors like this. I just let them fumble. What they are showing ME is that they don't know much about programmed people (ha ha). No one has MPD thus they talk to themselves..its hysterical the shit they will try to get you put away in the beginning. They suck.

I will write more for survivors later, so you don't think you are crazy or the perps don't get you. There is a logical explanation for everything and unless someone is using word salad and is exhibiting disordered thinking then back off the mental illness accusations.

Also, people who are natural bloodline psychics, mules (out of nowhere-unforeseen as psychic person), or have implants to beef up psychic abilities might be studying astrology or other occult practices to find themselves..especially in a culture that gives them no information about what they are and how they should handle their power. I will not say gift..there are alot of bad people who are psychics. And it has never been denied officially that this country is protected by a psychic an army or group of some kind. I beleive this to be true. I believe that people who had Theta programming might not realize who they are. People from certain bloodlines are naturally going to study metaphysics..its a natural urge for these people as youngsters and now I realize that it was probably ones duty in the ancient days of the old cultures as a form of education and it is necessary to protect ones self.

It sounds like old mc slaves who are deprogramming or have eccentric habits are some of the victims. It would make sense with all the other things that are going on.

So whoever wrote this is either a perp/ a programmed person who doesn't know they are a perp by command or just ignorant of the fact that there is alot going on that goes deeper.
And I have thought more than once about how easy it would be to experiment on or attempt to reprogram/enslave people who were already hidden from society (undetectable mind control slaves) and were scheduled for deletion via suicide programming anyway. They probably figure no one will believe this sort of person most of all.

But more than anyone else to do this too would be cruel. This population has already had a life time of suffering and to re traumatize them is low low low. To bring them out of suicide programming just to re traumatize them..oh. Awful. The worst.
And the marked lack of artfulness of this new reprogramming. It does feel like someone doing surgery with no anesthesia.

And what is so great about it is that no matter what the person says, when you get to THIS level of a complicated plot- no one but insiders can follow.
You could only get the public to believe in mind control on a cult level-call it brainwashing and compare it to a POW camp and that will spoon feed it to them. They seem to 'get it' then.
Then you'd have to wait for all nano tech to reach a certain level years from now for them to absorb what the implants are about.
They pretty much get the drugging women thing.
But what I don't think they will ever understand is complicated programming. Its too much like complicated architecture and artwork. And that is what is being destroyed in order for these cads to make zombies. To take someone, such a creation and reduce them to a mere puppet with new technology being handled by a lot of greedy fools is the greatest crime of all.

So whoever wrote this bitchy part please try to understand extreme trauma victims are always going to be difficult. And the life long stalking/harassment in order to make sure we are so sad and abused that we suicide would make anyone want to escape. True mind control programming is both healing and injurious. There are places of elation and pure pain energy. But there is a balance within..somehow.

Whatever is going down now is inhumane and constantly unpleasant and needs to be stopped.

Thank you to whoever wrote this because I guess it would explain alot about what is going on with gang stalking and people being targeted. I am sure that this is part of it, but human experimentation is also a part.

Also realize that Targets lives are ruined way past slander and such. For those of us who are tbmc survivors there seems to be a population of perps or even just the public who enjoy fucking with us because of what we are. Its like they hate us because they don't get it or we scare them. Well, I am not the one who outed me to the public, these criminals did and whoever did the original programming if they are so concerned should have protected tbmc survivors alot better. To put us before public scrutiny is the absolute worst thing anyone could have done. Privacy and secrecy are the things that protect programmed people. To expose and exploit like that is death for us anyway. What the hell is wrong with you?

I will never understand the need for the exposure. Never ever as long as I have left ot live will I understand that. Its like us existing in future is some threat to someone somewhere...but yet this post above exhibits that some of us were most likely 'recycled'.

In the end it seems an effort to strip us of our secrets, expose everything and remake us in some desired image. Whatever money is made from recycling tbmc survivors, the ultimate goal is to do psychosurgery on us and hack us into dumbed down robots.
I personally aint havin it. I had a right to be brilliant and no one should have taken my natural growth and evolution from me.
BASICALLY SETS UP A LAYER OF SUICIDE PROGRAMMING TO HAVE YOU TAKE YOURSELF OUT..youuuu might be under just a liiiiitttle bit of stress and develop eccentric even annoying habits.

Why do you think its so important to get rid of old mc slaves? TBMC survivors..its not just that we would use our abilities for our own ends, or could cause a shift in the balance of power..or that if we remember faces, names and places(as well as documents, pictures and conversations) it could be embarrassing or even a security risk. NO. Most of all no one wants to admit to slavery in this day and age. A life never lived. That kind of cruelty and organized, with a system. And mostly its children..your considered ancient at 29. Yer dead basically.

In this day and age no one wants to admit to good old time slavery. I am sure people are alot less outraged when poor bitches get turned out when they're sleeping..yes, that is something that the modern day public could deal with. Its simple. It doesn't force them to think much....'oh, drop a drug in a drink or an implant in the spine. Knock 'er out-film it.' It works as a mini series on Lifetime!!! Yeah, a victimized woman's story we can relate to!'

That is going to be alot more acceotable from sex pervs and rich boys who want to preserve the imagined heirarchy (see? in perception you already deserve it and have lost. They are rich! Wattcha gonna do?) than intelligence or military people in the interest of hiding info..and getting thier shit off.

See how people will see the survivor as less important if they are just a rape?

Ahhh, another good try. But my programming still kicks your ass.
Have a nice day.

(and all to all the confused survivors out there who may be struggling. I hope this helps you. Pleast look for the mc blog as well. I cant link it to this..I dont know why. I am just not supposed to. If you really want help you'll find it. But I will try to write a peice about habits you may have that are not crazy but creative coping skills. You're fine.Its the PERPS who will DRIVE you crazy to silence you.)

I am going to picture stuffing shoes in perps mouths tomorrow just for that comment. Prob one will read this and like walk by me with a shoe or something. Its so hard to write about THIS all the time. But you know the minute that you give some personal info that they'll just use it to perp you.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Better today

OK I apologize for those posts yesterday. They did not come out as I had liked. And its becuz i was tired and had that cavitation pain.

As usual I will not edit those peices becuz as is shows my varying states at differnet times and lets me keep track of how I was on different days.

Another good thread

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Why am I not producing artwork again?

Uhh I spent over 12 hours today and trying to get it right. I wrote 4 peices one the perps erased on mean firemen here and the 3 that got published and one long one that I cant do right now. Its like when I was young. I was so mind controlled that I never knew or was allowed to know I was talented. If I was working on a picture in my 20's I would stay awake for 24 or more hours with no sleep. Drawings have to be finished becuz if they are at least not completed idea wise they will looke like something else later. The concept wont be the same.

I thought everyone did this and an artist was shocked and said that he never had THAT kind of drive. It made me so sad that I had missed out on my early 20's full power throttle that I went back into my mind control prison inside myself and wasted another 10 years. It was like I was not allowed to be that person, that talented driven person. A perp who was an art teacher looked at my taste in works and said snidely" how did your tastes get so advanced Rachel?" I felt like killing him becuz I have always had an understanding of what I was born good at....its jsut that tbmc slaves arent allowed to use their talents for themselves.

Your supposed to snuff it waaaayy before that ever happens. I am sorry but why are less talented people than I working and I am homeless?
Ohhh, thats right.

I am supposed to be driven to do a Valarie Solanis on someone, right? Well that isnt going to happen.
You know she was convinced she had some weird past and had all the isms of a TI, right?
And though her theories became warped by years of damage one can see how she actually approaches the theory of not needing men to procreate in something remnant to a mind with potential at one time.

And why did she shoot Warhol? Who was it really that kept at her and telling her in her head that he was stealing her ideas and controlling her thoughts?? HHmmmm?

If you are programmed you can plainly see the remnants of human beings that were either programmed and junked or human experiementees. Maybe someone wanted Warhol shot. I wasn't there but anyone who says something kept convincing them to do something this horrific in thier own with what we know one has to wonder.]

Yet another reason for silence. Dont you see. They would have people starting to question years of assassinations, 'accidents' etc on and on.
The tech has to be put out as new and innovative. It has to be put out as differently used so no one can make comparisons to its other potential uses.
TI's are a past that needs to go so that the future that is benefiting from years of covert ops and illegal human experimentation and unspeakable suffering can exist with a shiny new front.

Its like the cities gentrifying and just bulldozing the past. I beleive that the tech they will be used in future that has a horrific past is going to get a bright new future...with no dark history behind it.

Key stroke

Its common that a key stroke virus can be put in a computer but after much denial I must say that if you are having a problem editing an entry like I often do on Blogger and it comes and goes I would have to suspect that this is some sort of indication of perhaps a keystroke virus.

I mean I don't know for sure but I notice if I sign out, use another server like foxfire it goes away. It might even work if you just sign out and get out of explorer and go back in again.

Its just why does this happen sometimes and not others? Its the thing where you try to edit but all of a sudden if you erase letters or words and try to write new ones it eats up what is around it so you have to keep hitting enter to fit new words. If you don't ever have this happen...then that means me alternately having it happen is not good.

See how years of real abuse can leave a TI so inwardly focused on The Perps and tactics that they are sensitized to every oddity or change?

Tooth cavitations/ false enviroments

Ahh, all the dentists and oral surgeons who have made life more difficult.

The Indian guy at Tufts who saw me for a possible cavitation saw my 20 lb backpack, asked if I was up for 'taking the stairs instead of the elevator' and then told me how extractions are not usually painful and he actually liked the way the pain felt when his father, also I dentist, pulled his out.
He was invalidating my painful extraction, trust me I know this kind of guy. He may not have been a perp but just a jerk....

I couldn't afford the X ray and really my problem lately is this cavitation. My eye hurts and my body movements are getting all unstable at times. I am sooo tired. This was the reason for that 'I am giving up' post I guess.

When you get perped by medical people too much u just get this psychological block against going to docs anymore. Your mind tells u immediately 'they're going to be mean to u' and u prob wont even get the thing solved anyway.

A cavitation is this infection that remains in the jaw due to it not being readily visible. You'll know becuz there are symptoms, usually its involving an infected 'bad' tooth or one that has been extracted. The oral surgeon might not even admit or think of it unless you suggest it as a possibility.

Here is an answer for everyone who thinks they may have a cavitation:

The thing about being targeted that is so dangerous is the cocktail formula of what they do to you can result in permanent changes in your way of processing the world around you through your own senses. One result is you perhaps become immune to pain at unhealthy levels.
It may be the combo of severe depression, lack of positive emotional stimulus, etc.
But I have experienced that this unnatural numbing of sensing physical pain as part of whatever is present that is unatural between 6AM and 12 Midnight.
I assume its tech becuz I have noticed that I can feel pain naturally again after 12 midnight or so, and I have blogged before how I seem to be on a time clock w/ what I can only assume is remote influencing technologies. From 6 am -12 am.
18 hours!
All times approx. and sometimes it seems to be 11:00pm or 1 am.

I know it sounds like I am making it up but you have to remember for me this is a relief. My family and perps across the country tried to mind control/gaslight me into accepting a label. For me to experience this as stopping at a certain hour at least gives me hope. What true mental illness do YOU know of that is on a time clock that only occurs during certain hours. Alot of us are so greatly abused and then we are hammered into silence its nice to have some validation and a logical explanation.

The danger is that any injury I have I just let it get worse. I am sure that contributes to a TI's health eroding.
And after 12 midnight I become alarmed upon 'waking up' realizing that this is an issue that needs to be taken care of. This has happened before with other injuries/health issues.

Yes, bad targeting experiences stop at 12 or 1 but so does the fake numbness that is put on me. It feels so good late at night to be yourself again just for a little while.

I beleive its part of the behavior modification essentially. You would eventually give up on the real Self and personality if you were only allowed to 'visit' or be in the presence of it 6 hours a day. Eventually it erodes who your really are. And recall how I felt when all the power went out on that whole block at that Radio Shack this summer. It was like someone lifted a cloak off of me. This heavy cloak; I was Me again. It was horrible. What was left underneath was a damaged human animal body and my spiritual energy has been depleted. The energy that makes us human. That makes us living creatures, human feeling beings.

You have to remember that alot of what TI's go through resembles being in a prison or wartime prison camp. There is documentation that cruel experiments have been done that include isolating a person for long periods and seeing the results. Prisons are documented as taking part in behavior modification. You dont want to beleive that it happens out in the open, that it would happen to people out in public. Look at all the false enviroments they are bringing out into open spaces? Dont you get it? Someone is doing things out in public spaces via remote influencing technologies that could only be done inside prior in a controlled environment. The gang stalking isolation may provide this controlled environment for the experimentee.

The new Boston Garden has this new design. The interior designers use outside park benches as inside seats. Often a society will inadvertinly reveal what they are up to in other sectors thru thier choices of expression of decoration or design of thier surroundings..its very primitive. There seems alot of outside is inside and inside is outside.
Possibly the suggestioin to the populus is to ease the public into becoming used to false enviroments as natural enviroments and they would become more used to false enviros all the time. Managed enviroments, where the perceptions are constantly managed.
It would not be so far fetched to imagine that people sentenced to prison could not be managed walking out in population. I beleive that is the goal of some of this experimentation. I mean look at us, they frickin' doin it now. Flash mobbing is also very much part of what we go thru...the idea that an enviroment can be created so quickly by these groups and they are essentially false in nature via the groups behavior. You can take it anywhere, and after the group dissapates so does what they created. I have met perps who like to brag about them and their friends making craziness in 'public spaces' on purpose.
Terrorism thats all it is. But imagine if you could institutionalize this sort of would create a control for all of society.
Then to creat false enviroments outside and have the human mind become used to having no division or compartmentalization of nature 'outside' compared to false indoor enviroment 'inside'. In other words when you walk out and cross over your threshold you dont go into a natural healthy enviroment....the seperation in the mind of nature outside and a false man made enviro inside is not longer present..inside wud resemble outdoors but be false and what used to be nature outside would be cluttered up with man made influence of all kinds...all of our enviorment would become man made-and false. In the past we have been able to reconcile with a few trees left among the street lamps, but there was always places to get away.
Also I am talking about a false environment that consists of remote influence tech as part of the structure of the false environment-outside and inside. In fact thru this tech, both environments could be fused.

A collective of everything...minds, outside and inside buildings. This is why No Privacy is essential. You would have no privacy in this sort of set up.

Ultimately this is the management of the masses thru remote influence tech but also it is thru changing peoples environments....psyching out the human mind so that the outside and the inside are interchangable or fused.

Nothing would be fully yours...not a moment, not a nature walk, not a thought, not a breath. Essentially this is the way it is in reality anyway, but this system seems to be based on terrorism and hate. If you stay terrorized with little bits of this everyday you can be managed....peace can be made the public can be made docile.

A perfect example is what is done to Targets..everyday you are terrorized and eventually you become accustomed to the fact that these groups are always out there and like Viet-fukcin-nam you never know when you'll get attacked or from what direction it will come from or when.
If this is done over time then all that needs to be done to manage a person or populus is it is continued with smaller doses a drug.
Like a TI eventually you would lose your sense of independance, your high intelligence, your creativity and you would become peaceful and docile to aviod being receptive (alive) to the next attack..part of you would spend you time always waiting on guard.
You are now fully managed and under control, you have no freedom and you no longer exist.

This might actually be worth it to many numbskulls who want world peace. They are all people who are imprisoned anyway and dont know freedom either within themselves emotionally or through thier lives.
They are tamed and they want to see the rest of the world tamed.
Read my postings on slave making...this system would be about 'breaking' the whole human race...which one might need for living underground or in a space station. I'll take my chances out in the wild personally.

My favorite story is when the Titanic sank, the band stayed cuz there werent enuf life boats..they jsut got drunk and played and a bunch of people went down with the ship..what choice did they have? If the earth gets THAT crazy with the results of pollution, overpopulation and otherwise there are those of us that would rather live and die naturally. What have false enviroments gotten us so far??The very problems that they now intend to try to house us from.

I sense a tower of Babel and man has a habit of doing this shit thru history and like the Titanic it always fux up somehow. YOU HAVE TO MERGE TECHNOLOGY AND MECHANICS WITH NATURE IN A HARMONIOUS EQUATION.. a balance. Tech in moderation, production and population in moderation. That is never the trend...

Pull up to the bar and lets drink as the band plays on...

If this goes down thier will be a bunch of people who dont want to conform to this humanity destroying desperate attempt at managing the crisis..and we should have that choice.
I find it very suspect that man would not simply learn to be sophisticated enough to do things properly to begin with opposed to messing things up so badly then enslavement of man kind as the Answer to everything.

Book: White Slave by Fanny Howe

I found a book in the shelter called White Slave and it's by Fanny Howe.
Peter is an illegitimate white child that they have given to a slave woman to raise after selfishly murdering her child.

Back cover: "Feared by his masters for the defiance in his blue eyes
worshipped by women for his quiet strength, respected by white and black men alike, golden haired Peter M. was to pay with a lifetime of slavery for his mother's
forbidden first love."
Now if you haven't gotten to know me by now u realize that lovestory schlock is not exactly my kind of book. What got me is it's "Based on an astonishing true story".

Here is one of the pages...Peter's plantation owner has taken him as companion on a foot racihng tour. There is an abusive slave overseer Morgan. The master says this: "People like Morgan, they're worse than you folks. Mean, money grubbing trash. No humility. No class. Slaves and aristocrats, like myself have one thing in common.We know what we are. People like Morgan think they can move up the social scale just by making money. But give them some money, and you'll see they're garbage then, just like they always were."

I think I like this book...intently.

There is a great few lines about his growing up:
"He was at a critical point in his life, a natural age for rebellion and an equally natural age for giving up, folding in, becoming obedient to fate. His parents were obedient and lived rich internal lives to counterbalance the paucity outside. They were not fools. They had chosen survival and a secret life over a life of combat and risk.
But Peter watched the other children around him changing form mischievous, imaginative, ebullient, outspoken individuals into wholly different shapes. Their postures sank, their features dulled, their colors grew ashy like flowers crushed in a dust storm. The only thing that could be said for the transformation was that it was total and communal. None of the other children entered adolescences alone, as her was. And they had their families, love and approval, as they lost the easy passions of early youth.
Peter could not imagine his rage passing away, for there was nothing at the end to assure him of a supportive society. He was beginning to enjoy fantasies of flight, a sudden leap into the unknown, a place where he could be accepted and admired. That place, though, would be solely populated by white people, who were as strange to Peter as he was to his fellow slaves. "

Its just like what is happening to TI's everywhere.
They are destroying alot of artists and eccentric people or people who are a threat to those around them who cannot excel as they would.
None of us, I assume, ever has the promise of a place in a supportive society. We are always going to live under duress.
Feared by his masters by the defiance in his eyes....

This also illustrates that no book or peice of work is valueless and someone may use it someday for some other purpose. If you are thinking of giving on producing an artwork becuz of perp interference or no one will care just do it anyway. It may end up where you least expect.

Transfer your message.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

yay! A book we badly need.

Finally someone found a way...I know we have to 'sell' to the public but I have always been too tired too harassed. They got me when I was very much in transition and very much starting my life...this is common for people coming out of mind control. Alot really only grow up in thier 30's..No matter.

This move is just what is needed. It connects singular stalking w/ organized stalkers. FINALLY. My situation is so...deep that I would not have thought of this. The public can understand stalking and by proxy.

The good thing, the thing we need is that it shows that all these behaviors are possible and viable.

What makes me very angry is that if the public would look up history they would find these systems all over the place in use time and time again.
Writers and activists have to find ways to spoon feed to the public.

Notice how immediatley this person posts the common attitudes of conditioned denial: that cant happen here, what was done was illegal why not prosecute/ call cops, its all in her head.(THAT one especially needs to go. BIGTIME.)

Isnt it ironic that I and people like me who are poor destitute seeming nobodies would have a sophisticated understanding of Power and the people involved in its workings and abuses....more than regular people seem to accept or fathom.

Forced forgiveness

Is anybody else getting this?

Firstly it seems there are tactics to induce this as well as everything else the perps want from Targets. At least those of us they seem to be able to really emotionally manipulate. And beyond of course.

Gang stalkers will often purposely sit around looking guilty in the damnedest places. Perps will try to get you to have sympathy for them and what they have done. Especially the men if u r female TI. Its a minimizing tactic that works best between the sexes. They try to induce forgiveness and sympathy.

I even had a girl walk past me panhandling. She stopped, looked at me and said " I'm sorry I am sorry." Then, oddly she added " They screamed at me". I dont even want to know what that was about. Was it her perp group she belongs to or some v2k. I have never considered that the perps get v2k. I mean I keep going on what I know which is trauma based mind control.

As a survivor it is a bit easier to deal w/ tech as mind control becuz of my internal programming.

I have seen perps in a state of what seems cult mind control. I should consider moreso that they are under remote influence.

I had a dream this morning that I forgave a perp that was harassing me in a shelter. She has since backed off becuz the groups knows I am hip and will out them and the places they frequent.

Yes, the healer part of me wants to heal all hurting people especially when its obvious that they are in can readily see this in the eyes of many a gang stalker.

But it should be the victims choice, not forced. When I woke up I felt altered, like I had emotionally let go of that energy.

Let me tell you what I think. I think that TI's are being put into states of great stress and then all that stress which cannot be let out becuz they are isolated and ignored, is used to wear them down inside emotionally. Like a person in prison they must adapt eventually to survive. So they commit suicide emotionally and personality wise and go towards Stockholm syndrome.

There is a theory more on the occult or metaphysical end that energy is being stolen. That people feed off victims being sad, angry and negative. I must say alot of this energy IS produced and it does seem like there's an emptying of the energy store up.
Forced forgiveness, remotely induced emotional states like this could be used as the mechanism to steal or take energy. From there I dont know how it would work. There has never been official denial of psychics protecting this country.

But for the neutralization of a TI it makes sense to get the person angry or in a state of negative energies...really unhappy and helpless, then holding onto that energy to survive alters the TI as a person. To gain more control over the TI the system may emotionally manipulate the Target into releasing that anger and resentment.
I love it...forced recovery culture. Actual forced cult mind control. Feel what we want you to feel. You will be made docile.

What a great way for all the perps to get off scott free as well as not have to pay any psychic debts that the TI may keep and the true balancing forces in nature would put upon them the perps would feel guilt especially when the TI was around becuz in nature they have done wrong to you, grossly so, and they know they
owe you' energy that has been taken via thier actions. So TI's are apparently being forced into letting go of emotional if not spiritual debts.

It completely drains the TI and makes them let go of all thier emotional power. This may also be how they slowly drain a victim of powerful Life force to make them docile permanently. Like a permanent aging.

I know it sounds 'far out' but those are the levels I work on. That is my job ( I ma convinced) in this situation we are all in. Explaining 'fringe' sounding issues and making them clear and reasonable...plausible.

Who knows what the capability is with these technologies. There is a whole other area I wont get into having to do with the crossing of tech and the spiritual. I highly suspect that the system has this capacity and its all grown up now.

IF that were true, if this is possible what makes no sense is why the system and the perps insist in making living dead/permanent prisoners out of TI's. The only thing that would make sense is that there is a stealing of the energy we produce.

And dont even start with people turning into lizards and sh*t becuz its not like that.

This was the whole problem with the satanic panic. Ritual abuse exists but it does not have to be all the costume and theatrics of Satanists in movies. Its what goes on over many years to the person. Its how they are treated.
We have all met emotional vampires and I think this is really the essence of it. I beleive there are bloodlines but its not so damn literal. Its just DNA.

What is more frightening than any of this is the addition of tech that is so damn enslaving. Outright imprisonment of the person thru manipulation of base human primitive emotion (sex, anger, fear, death) and the destruction of the higher more refined emotional abilities.

When I was compartmentalized I was capable in many ways of feeling and thinking that I am basically forbade now.

I was never forced into really forgiving someone thats for sure. I either hated people for what they did to me or I gave into people out of barter or convenience even if they didnt deserve it. I had my own personal emotions.

This is the worst thing I think I have experienced in all my time being heavily targeted.

If you look up 'forced forgiveness' it reads as emotional abuse. And that is all TI's get to have in thier lives.

Its more cult mind control. That is all. Give in to the abusive authority figure and all its minions. And you are really forced to forgive...what goes on in the dream becomes real once you wake up.

I just know that these programs of behavior mod are being pushed as equalizing and good for everyone involved and everyone will be so much happier when they have been altered (trained).

I have read that one kid who is a survivor of one of those teen behavior mod camps that is really abusive, crazy and illegal said that there was backdoor donations to the Rep party.
Now I am not a fan of either party..I am a Centralist and the best I could hope for is Libertarian I guess.
There are downsides to every level of the two parties and levels.
The problem recently is that when you deal with Bush you deal with the CIA and that includes the nasty little part of it that is not so professional. For instance who was it that warned us of the Military industrial complex? Ike a military man.
Do not confuse Military with Military Industrial. McCain seemed not too pleased with the people who ran this thing into the ground. I dont think we would have had the same results had a true inter generational military man had been president.

We have all watched since Carter. Do the logic. So much of the dealings are done like intelligence people do things, not military and they are NOT the same kinds of people.
So the Republicans have been...infiltrated if you will. Then you have the Christian right on board which is a total violation of church and state as far as I am concerned. It may not be a literal outright LEGAL violation but you see what I am getting at.

I was in MO long enough to view alot of Evangelist material. To talk to people.
Alot of it is too much about money and or mind control/control of the people. That is fine and they have a right to worship as they please. What happens when these people merge with an agency that has a darker past w/ secret wars, MK Ultra etc etc.

When I heard a preacher on Daystar on day, talking about things that could have been nothing OTHER than the remote influence that TI's experience and putting it under the guise of 'God' doing it....I knew where this was going.

If people really believe that humans need to be told how to behave and are conservative hard asses that will stop at nothing to reform thier country what lengths do you think they will go to? How much do you think they will lie or stand by lies?

I dont care about lies, mudslinging, wars, covert actions, secret wars, payoffs, bribes...AAALLLLL your typical human behaviors. But using mind control tech is waayyy too much. Altering a person against thier will to make them compliant and doing it sneakily is not acceptable under any circumstances.

Wanting peace is one thing but inducing false peace is not the same. The fact that there is no recourse to all this is a statement unto itself about the morality of it.

Making someone peaceable becuz you want to favor certain people or cover asses is akin to false imprisonment. Marketing it as making the person 'good' or a new person is just disgusting.

The monsters that we are dealing with now are not Republicans nor are they simply conservatives. It is not conspiracy theory for me to say that something else is hiding behind those fronts.

Just becuz a bunch of whack jobs like to wallow in far fetched sci fi or worse and have ruined the word conspiracy does not mean that conspiracies no longer exist. Nor does it mean that alternative or unofficial history does not exist.
Legends come from factual stories.
When people dont know what is happening to them or what is really going on they can only guess or fill in the blanks or deduct. This does not make them evil plotting theorists, it makes them smart yet uninformed people who know somethin is up, people are up to stuff but no one is quite clear as to the details.

There is definitely somethin up if you will. People aren't stupid no matter how you try to foster this in them. The minimizing of what is happening on the big picture levels is a reflection of a Targets life and how we have to live with people not knowing just how severe the targeting is, and if they do its ignored and thus minimized. We are subjugated.

There is nothing wrong with fact humans have been doing this for thousands of years to each other. To fight oppression is not stupid or silly either. I cannot beleive the amount of stupid young people I have walk by me who have no idea what is really transpiring nor do they even realize they are oppressed. Something is severely wrong with this generation of kids. Its like they know but support it. How they got that way I will not understand. They are some of the most powerless young people I have ever seen. And it is not thier fault.
They are so oppressed and intimidated that they dont know what else to do I believe. Even if they disagree w/ what is happening they support it by apathy.
As usual older people can gain perspective from the young.
What that tells me is that it has gone so far, that the nwo as a description of this system is already here. The idea of keeping slaves overtly is readily accepted. That there is a new version of 'people who don't matter' except we don't get to show a stint in jail that was a fuck over or an 'accident' being run off the road.

We are actually going to be dissolved into society. Altered with behavior modification and technologies until our personal histories have been re written.

The re education camps are already here. Unlike 1984 however, which I sometimes wonder if it wasn't written for the bad guys and not against them, you can still keep fighting. You can still disagree and continue to be vocal. At least there is that left to America. But the daily harassment is designed to keep one from being able to reach that freedom of speech and expression. The alteration of the human being who is a target thru tech and other means is meant to crush any urge of rebellion from within.
The victim of crime will be altered so that they no longer see themselves as deserving any justice. The change will come from within and it will be permanent.

I believe that the left just took abuse and therapy culture too far and now there is this backlash becuz they were destroying the culture and making people weak and dependant. All it led to was big pharma in the end anyway...if you didn't have money for a talk therapist to meet with frequently.

Forced forgiveness is just another emotional abuse yes, but not just in that mamby pamby therapy culture definition. This is a part of real torture of human beings, silencing victim witnesses and will use behavior modification to reach those ends.
They want people silenced, manageable and basically reprogrammed.

I am sure that the certain people believe in violence of this sort if they feel the ends result will be something good. Most TI's who survive will not be happy or wont be real people anymore.

The fact that covert activities are not illegal indicates there is nothing good in this.