Spirit in Black

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Please be advised that this written work is theory. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. For legal reasons I state that I have no actual belief in these theories as fact, if I did I would have sought legal recourse. Until that occurs this blog can only be considered theory. If it does then any and all actions PAST AND FUTURE that have been taken against me during the years producing this work will be labeled war crimes under international law and any other legal protections that apply.
I am a writer, an activist and artist. I claim my RIGHT TO EXIST legally under US Constitution and international law.

This is an educational blog for awareness as well as sometimes a telling of candid personal experiences to demonstrate theories as they might be experienced by a person who theoretically is existing under such conditions. Thus the 'candid' expression, poetic license and marketing myself as product or character. This is NOT a journal or diary.
Being a reasonable person of sound mind if I had concerns for my safety or others I would take responsible action for self care as my established medical history can demonstrate.
Any actions taken against me by others questioning my sanity or competence based on my produced work will be construed as activist/dissident intimidation and whistle blower retaliation and proper legal action will be taken against you by my family and support system.

Be warned that no further interference with my production of meaningful work as an artist and activist will be tolerated.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Celebs are heroes for encountering torture survivors as we experience it almost every day/ Do u smell something? Muss be H-wood

You always wonder if these are real interactions with celebrities or if they are making them up. Lets hope not in this case:
I used to work in a bakery in Brookline and every day I would have to see these..this guy sees just one and he's a hero. What he didnt see is the guy who the bakery fed and tolerated becuz he was made permanently insane by the torture at the camps as a child. Many targets use this kind of psychological torture as an example of what is happening with organized stalking and harassment to show that this kind of thing has happened in the past. Humans are capable of anything.

These people claim he copped out of an interview- but considering the quirkiness of the source maybe he thought it beneath him. Its funny anyway.
bitchy(from a very funny source):

I didnt like the movie WHACKED however. Gee wonder why?
(Haunted by car accident he caused to kill girlfriend?! what, is this a Teddy Kennedy life story rip off? where DO these non original creatives get thier ideas from eh?)
Parts of it were cute and thats it. Here is a cute stunt from the least cute part of afore mentioned low budget bomb:
Do YOU smell something? its called bullshit.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

being stalked and harassed in Phoenix AZ..cant be left alone for 1 day

I was left on my own temporarily for a few hours and sure enough. Older white pick up truck bald white guy with tatoos like numbers or letters on back of his forhead. He went my me on my way to a store and made sure he looked right at me, then followed me into the store, then parked outside and kept watching me in the circle K. I leave and try to ditch him by going around the back of the store to go down the street and he then has to let me know he is indeed stalking me by following me back there and nodding at me. He then parks around the back so he can get a vantage point to see where I go down the street- or where I decide to sleep tonite. The marks on him look like gang from jail. Could his training be military or other similar? All I know is he is one of the scariest stalkers I have had yet...another ashmanski but scarier- if thats possible.

I ditched him again and as i covertly entered another building another white pick up truck that was newer came into the lot of the building I was in and then left as if to say 'we know where you are staying tonight'.

It just does not end and the message is not only are you being watched its 'if you are alone without a man with you you WILL be harassed'.

They do it so they can restart the cycle of brainwashing through trauma that you had going last time you were alone too long and gang stalked. They know that eventually this will lead to suicide...or at least keep reducing the target to the state of a child.

Hollywood and human rights

Just watched small production called FORFEIT.. made for tv movie. Uh, didnt like it too much.

When I posted my vids the other day all of a sudden there was the featured video section on YouTube:One with Morgan Freeman speaking for Amnesty Intn'l and another with a title about sex and money and human worth-with Ron Jeremy in the thumbnail (give me a break) and a main title of "Justice for some?".

I know that everyone cant stand me for the most part and that alot of the people who would benefit from me being gone are either connected to entertainment or music or they are powerful men involved with my ex associate who are involved in Hollywood.

Hollywood is the LAST place I would go for anything to do with human rights.

I dont care what Hollywood says and you can be fooled by Freeman all you want-(1349 was awful as well; S. King shud stick to rewriting stories from norsk occult directors- like 'Kingdom Hostpital') Hollywood is totally full of sh*t. Anyone who makes it there is full of it as well.

Its been years since Hollywoods golden era and everyone knows it.
Nowadays its about celebrity not talent. The movies are all boring formulas made to succeed by pandering to the lowest common denominator. Adult Swim is more heady than Hollywood, and that aint sayin much.

Oh I can just imagine the harassment that goes on in THAT crowd. They are all so full of it. I recall my post about that game show movie that Hollywood was making and how the guy was basically being stalked survailled and interrigated gang stalking style to both get info out of him for the movie and to see what he was doing with his contract, which of course they were trying to screw him with and he had his lawyer keep revising it and they were getting annoyed he wouldnt just stupidly sign his life away- or at least his story.

I can just imagine the kinds of people who survive off corruption there, oh it must be awful. One grows out of these things...oh except if you actually want to grow up, like I did for instance, your not allowed to. Why? Becuz everyone is totally either jealous of someone who wants to grow the f*ck up or they need to feed the network- the group. They all need to be part of something.
And of course they need victims so they can feel validated.

screw them and anything they say and do that they want validated, when its put under scrutiny it doesnt measure up. Like Uma Thurman talking about violence today and how awful school shootings are and then starring in violent movies.

I have no problem with Hollywood, I am no moralist thats for sure. But considering there are numerous people who come out of that world who are somehow connected to it,claiming to be survivors of trauma based mind control- of course they have to be involved. Its called covering your ass.

There are many survivors of tbmc who have blogs just like this one who are just as bad off as me or worse. They speak of the same 'throw away' attitude towards human beings I have experienced.

The problem is that the world seems to validate the Julies and Hollywoods of the world. As if that is THE legit and valid system and now people like me are no longer in its or thier favor we should understand we are shunned and deal. Its THIER world, why oh, we just live in it.

You know I am going to say go ----- yourselves. TBMC is an ancient art based on mystery schools and other complex methods. The memories that survivors recover have little to do with these fronts being in charge of jack sh*t. Its thier connections to much more sinister things that are really of interest.

The reason I have lasted so long, as any survivor does is because I am already part of something bigger- mind control slavery. Programming. THAT is my family and that is my base. Other people like me have survived and written books and lived to help people. There have also been survivors who did not make it, and there will be more who never get this far. I do not accept any comparisons from the 'legit' IN crowds becuz there must have been a legit reason I was always treated differently.

Monday, December 28, 2009

threats /police corruption

Being a Targeted person you will get repeated threats in many different ways to remain silent- especially like me, the one thing you CAN prove is organized crime.

The police espeically have been instrumental in helping to destroy my youth, beauty creativity and my life. If this is some vendetta against my family they picked the wrong person as I am the one person in my family who is an outsider. Go ruin my cousins life instead or is she too perfect.

Police who are in on the corrupt side of this can keep on trying to block me. My internal programming tells me to write a book and if all does not improve then check out. They have no influence in my internal world. They chose to help the last administration cause havoc beyond belief and basically alter the time line itself with covert actions and influence.
The police or any ohter faction, especially since they are men, have no right as to dictate who lives, who dies, who stays young and beautiful and succeeds and who gets old, fat and sickly. According to other TIs and my personal experience they do this to other family members of the TI and also do this to alot of pedo families to control through intimidation and then employ as informants or whatever else they can use them for.
We are not your toys. Scott told me the way his family was treated by the police, his brother had his life ruined and how his sister was basically turned into a frumpish caretaker for the family(strange she is friends with officers but scott claims to hate them), I wont even mention what he claims they got his younger sister into. This is what authorities do to people they feel need justice metered on them covertly- yet if a family is wealthy and can pay the rules change.

I do not acknowledge you or your system as you are completely corrupt and only manage crime to your own advantage. A number of you are obssessive compulsive disasters, vigilantes, arrogant or criminal minded yourselves. I was told by my president years ago to not let terrorism influence my life. The power trip you are on is YOUR business and I have never paid attention to it nor given it legitamacy- especially as you are mostly comprimised of males. That basically makes it totally worth ignoring.

I will not 'accept my situation' as I have been told is the goal. I am not my mother and dont really care about surviving all that much at the price of security.

I want what was supposed to be MINE by birthright and by the rules of the system. Why was I not arrested and handed a subpeana?

What you are doing is managing covert warfare and helping a corrupt system decide who gets quality of life and who does not.
A life where I do not have alll I could have is not worth nothing to me and I will not be beaten down into accepting what is left of my totally destroyed life. go to hell and take whatver the criminal element you work with with you.

There will no peace until I get my way which is to tell the world how my last chance at a life was taken from me, I was tortured and basically told I deserved it and to accept my circimstances. You arrogantly believe you will never be caught becuz like me mother informed me "you can write a book but no one is going to believe you" You think I am just another piece of meat you can push around in your big orchestrated nationwide game of chess where you have all the intel so you can play stupid accordingly and get your way all the time.

You will also not push me into doing something stupid as to have something like this letter for instgance used against me in the future in some ridiculous set up....

I will write and people will read and in years to come when things become more clear to the public on an official level they will understand that testing of technologies on 'inconvenient persons' did indeed exist.
Maybe no one will care, or remember. All that matters is that the information makes it so that it is present when man decides that he either wants to deal with this new world of tech or not.

I should write a sci fi novel where in future your network of cowboys is totally replaced by machines that are programmed to make decisions logically and not according to arrogance,sadism, your dicks or your bank accounts.

People are not toys.

'organized' stalking and harassment: a photo progression

I want readers to see the progression of an organized stalking campaign in a simple yet effective way. My ID photos for different things over the years show my face changing over a short period of time- due to stress, emotional suffering and mental suffering as well.

I use these to remind me that what has transpired it real- that it really did occur and the person I see in the mirror is NOT 'my new self' or my situation that I now need to accept as the bullying system woulod brainwash one into believing: the person in the mirror has been torn down over time by methods of covert warfare to look like a shadow of the former self.

The people who engage in 'gang stalking' would like all Targets to seal all tha pain and suffering over the years inside of them, akin to building a nice lot of houses over a former garbage dump- no one has to know the mess thats underneath. This is where GUILT, SHAME and SYSTEMATIC IGNORING come into use by the system. Over time if its beaten into you repeatedly you'll eventually 'conform' and give up believeing in yourself as anything other than average.

Towards the 'end' of many campaigns there is a subtle but constant line of thought repeated to the TI through many means that THIS new 'self' is who they really are. Due to fear being instilled in thye person over many years time its hoped teh effect will be someone who is not only tired of fighting but can no longer handle the burden of emotional and mental pain.
Its a way out that is offered in place of suicide but really its total death of self. It is NO BETTER THAN SUICIDE OF THE PHYSICAL BODY.

What TI's have been through should be recognized not ignored and there are legitimate reasons this is difficult in our society. If our plight is recognized then the outcome of our ordeal can be accepted-as part of the reality of being harassed and gaslighted so badly as to destroy a human being over time. The results of what we have been through SHOULD NOT be accepted as who we really are or who we ended up as without outside influence.
You have been victimized, worn down, betrayed, sold out, damaged and basically denied your right to exist- do not forget this.

allright its a bit of a goofy pic but at least I was happy. It was a buspass. I was with Scott and just started to look a bit rough from dealing w/ his crap as well as the moldy apartment, trying to pull together the lawsuit and all the harassment/stalking that was going on. Circa 2006. I always put up a good front - if your curious about how this is done read my other blog I was much prettier tand healthier han this pic depicts.

After I left the apartment due to it being uninhabitable. I had gone homeless and got harassed in Boston so went to RI, I found there is only one shelter there and its awful- I left shortly after getting there. I was starting to really deal with the fact that whatever was going on was really quite serious. I still did not understand it was a system known as 'organized stalking and harassemnt or gang stalking'. It was starting to brainwash me into thinking I was a bad peson, must have done something wrong if during a federal investigation I wasnt being handed a subeana but was being harassed instead. This is why so many Targets die during this phase- they never realize that they are targeted. Its a slow brainwashing of the person convincing them to kill themselves.
NOV2006. I just got my settlement and was starting to show wear and you can see my hair isnt cut or styled. I was still holding up pretty well. My skin was still youthful and I didnt have alot of aging yet. I had formed lines that you cant really see in these photos, but if this was the extent of the damage I could've lived with that. I definately dont look happy however. I could still compartmentalize everything.


AUG2008. Came back to Boston for dental work I think, this was an old ID photo. So dont try to use it to make a fake ID cuz it wont work. You wouldnt want to imposter as me cuz youll get targetd, unless of course you want to frame me for something. Others have tried. The feds arent stupid. I had realized it was 'gang stalking' in AZ 2007 so at least I didnt suicide out of ignorance.Anyway you can see the stress taking effect. I was totally effected by all that had been done in the campaign, and I was starting to take on a bit of the evil that was constantly thrown at me. I had started to feel a burning- of the mind and of the spirit.Still I just wud not let any emotions through. My compartmentalization system was still intact but had taken alot of damage.

April 2009. I started to look frumpy. El Paso TX. Its not a clear pic but I was sinking into the depression that begins and doesnt end. This is the state that will hold you prisoner for life if you dont keep up with your situation. I was starting to just feel a loss of strength and the beginning of the loss of sense of self. My Will was still strong.

Homelessness had become a way of life due to the harassment never ending even when it improved when Bush left office.


The same month. an ID for NM college to use computers. I had learned to handle the harassment and try to keep up a front. The kids that were in the office were messing with me and being mean but as soon as some kids parents showed up they got very respectful and grown up. It always amazes me how people treat me when I am alone compared to when others are around- believe it or not this has been life long since I was a child. Its harder in some ways and easier in others to know that its bullying by people in the know. One kid kept mentioning Christian television as his viewing of choice- he didnt act like one and I believe many people who engage in gang stalking use religion either as a front or as a moral rationale. One of the reasons I look so pleasant is becuz over the years I have researched intensely and understand that the perps are nothing without the group. This gives me inner confidence- I know what they are about.


Summer 2009. I was prob more tired than usual as I was traveling in the southwest and the shelter in ABQ is pretty bad. The light was bad as well but plainly one can see the difference in just 3 years. I still tried to keep up an appearance as far as posing, I guess due to my art modelling days- its still me trying to keep up a front. By this point I had become very worn down and fallen into my situation and sort of lying at the bottom like sediment. Its a hole you cant get out of and this is where the system wants you to stay- and through guilt and shame they will continue to try to convince you your a bad person and need to conform and get a job and function and continue to keep quiet and hide what happened to you. Total brainwash and destruction of the self.

This is the same week. I wanted to just have a head shot for the ID so I didnt have to look at how much weight I had gained, which is effecting my health daily.
At this point I was taking herbs to maintain health no drugs no drink or smoking.

The depression was semi permanent and my mind was starting to become very average- as being harassed I am isolated from stimuli. My creativity was stunted as well.

that b*tch Julie shud enjoy this one as now I look miserable and fat just like her.Except I wud rather die adndont have a miilion dollars stocked away to take care of myself like SOME people do. and isnt that what makes human worth here in the USA? I can hear her making fun of this now, either that or totally seperating herself from it by saying I am just nuts..funny she was one of the few people who had the class to actually warn me by saying something about going crazy- then later of course she said she "didnt know anything about it"-my own mother just strung me along.

I started to lose a bit of weight as the sw is dry and one can get around. I think the shelter was actually managable then and I was at least sleeping minimally. You can see how tired I am but I got good at the game .


I learned to become a 'travelling kid' well not a kid at 38 but I got hip to the fact shelters are prisons with homebums who will most likely get in on the harassment. Trying to look happy but this one I can tell how upset I was really. It doesnt get any better- once you realize how many years youve lost and how much potential is gone you jsut get more upset. gang stalkers are control freaks who feel others are less than they and they have the right to control others fates. Really they are usually very threatened by the Targeted person and seek to keep them down AT ANY COST. Once this has been started the system both covert and legit will rarely admit it made a mistake, and will keep up the harassment until the target is dead or institutionalized...either that or silent about everything that happened.

You can laugh at this all you want. the organization of a covert network of people to totally desttroy someones life is totally feasable in this day and age. Technology used by 'smart mobs' can al;so be used for destructive ends. People get paid off, shortened jail time or favors for destroying a targeted individual. Its also used as a gang initiation like the stories you have read about shooting the pizza guy when he comes to the door. The kind of people used in organized stalking are either obsessive vigilantes or scum of the earth who want to continue to get away with being as such. Mental illness would not be so carefully documented nor would the person be so articulate. The times that I sound off I am either operating on no sleep at 38 years old (not the same as 25 years old) or I am sick physically. Still I plod on- at this age alot of people wud have given up by now..I will not. People need to stop believing what ever the system tells them out of fear and ignorace.
Gang stalking is a crime and it denies human rights, civil rights and the right to exist. It also interferes in many different ways with the justice system. The only way out most people have to not deal with this unpleasant subjectmatter is to deny the target any justice by sticking with the ridiculous idea they are merely mentally ill. If people are powerful enough and have enough money or enough to blackmail powerful men with, or if they are paranoid enough, they could easily pull something like this off.

The connection between clothing and my situation

I still notice a difference in the way I feel mentally and emotionally based on clothing.

If I wear it too long and I bought it new it feels like there is an effect to wearing it.
If its used clothing the effect is not so pronounced.

I especially notice a difference, improvement in my conditon, if I wear the clothing of a male friend.

A protective or healing affect is felt if the clothing belongs to a much younger male.

SO what gives? Are there chemicals excreted during being targeted and all that occurs afterwards that keeps affecting TI's?

No harassment for two days

I havent been this 'clear' since the late 90's. Two days of silence, quiet and emotional normalcy and balance.

Only after I posted the things I did along with those videos and that news article.

One day people are going to have to admit to victim witnesses being put into these programs to silence them under whatever guise they can come up with...I often wonder if it is indeed 'testing weapons' I jst wonder if they know exactly the results and re education/behavior mod programs are simply being used as the norm in 'delicate' situaitons. With how overt I was targeted I dont see how this was handled delicately at all.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

ooppss, its ON again.(results after publishing vids on YouTube)

They're baaaaacck!

After I published two vids showing how bad things can get and telling the gang stalking system that basically they will not stop my activism as well as wrote that last post the harassment by in person gang stalkers has immediately returned.

We were at this truck stop in Coachella. Remember these people want make yoiu feel bad and back up any insinuations and one of the biggest ones is that you did something wrong or cant be trusted. I had someone with me so I dont see how it makes sense and it doesnt. We all know that.
After publishing alot of things that consist of exposure last night, I walked out into the lot to head to store and there she was..a perp with a smirk doing just what was done years ago when the harassment was so bad in the beginning. And when I went to get in line to buy something two whitebeards got behind me, one looked over at a security guard with arms folded way behind me leaning on a shelf and one of the whitebeards looked over and nodded. It was so obviously more intimidation. So I just used an old move whichi is to break up their little ring containing the TI and go behind the two white beards..if they ask any questions you just say' oh you first'. Mr secrutity guard immediately walked out upon this happening--hmm. Doesnt seem very effective does it, I mean if the person you are watching is truly dangerous.

I walked him walk out into the lot as I needed more money for my purchase anyway and I loved the swagger- he walked like he was still young and actually knew what it was like to be hot at one time. He actually swinged his hips ...kinda like a girl actually. What a sex pot! actually the only 'pot' with him is his belly.

Old men playing games with younger women, keeping them down so they still feel like they have not been outdone by time. Strangely these whitebeards remind me alot of thier younger counterparts.

I dont know what it is about the people that do the harassment but every TI can tell you there IS something about them that ties them all together. You get familiar after a while. They stand out..I cant put my finger on what it is. There is just something really weak about them. They register as weaklings but their actions as a group seem to make them strong. As long as they feel a part of whatever this is.

I assume that when you are a part of such a large racket that basically runs the US by intimidation you wud tend to be full of yourself. So why do they not appear genuinely confident as individuals? I still dont get it.

It must just be the type of person who will engage in or excels at being totally sneaky and covert to gain power. Maybe in the past they have acted overtly and realized that they had no natural powers as individuals so this is how they need to be.

Its the arrogance that keeps most TIs going. Keeps them fighting. No one should have thier life so completely taken from them as a targeted person has.

My mother, the human radiation experiments and the frame up

One of the most disturbing factors in my story is my mothers part in this. Anyone who does a tax audit and a little paperwork or checking phone records could bust Julie in a second and everyone knows her deal that knows her.
Same with Jake. Just check his finances or ask around about the way he treats women (which I didnt know about due to the fact that he never pulled that crap with ME) all these people are actually quite careless when it comes to how obvious it is that they are or were criminals.

My mother is a different story. Late in life she went to get her degree in accounting from Bryant U in Waltham MA USA. She had been doing accounting for years anyway when not bartending.
I believe after years of the same 'bad luck' that I have had she just...whatever was left of her that was humane or gentle just disappeared. Over the years I could see the change. It was hard for me though becuz after years of her abusive behavior I was always enganged in a war which she perpetuated. Its as if that is ALL she understands.

I cant function at that level of aggression all the time, not engaged in negative behavior I always preferred to produce somthing creative as this is the best way to show your value. Its no surprise that her vocational testing came up 'lawyer' and mine came up 'dancer, artist, writer'. That woman loves to argue just to..well argue. The scary thing is that she much more likes to win at any cost. She is extremely intimidating at 6 ft 1 with a mans voice.

She has had to defend herself all her life against men. However instead of fighting the real enemy namely our sick family and her father, she always put it on me. Projection, displacement I believe its callled.
If her father was a child abuser why shouldnt she be one too? Everyone tried to tell me for years that I didnt realize how messed up my family was but that is what people do in families like that one- there is no waking up to reality and if there is whoever is losing control will come after the person.
A perfect example is when my grandmother and I were trying to make my mother understand that I am a grown woman now and she cant talk to me abusively. When I was living there she would say things like "and you wonder why I want to slap her"...she just automatically took all of lifes aggressions out on me. When we tried to make her understand she cant act that way she started crying and whined " I feel like I'm losing my daughter". Sooo- if you cant abuse your kid your losing them? Yeah, losing control- a control you need to compensate for the father you could never control or your other family members for that mattter. (my life is ruined no one is going to be spared-all you can do now is deny deny deny).

She was always toying with me. I see that now. There is a reason that people tell me she's "sick"...its validating at least.

And the problem is that sick people attract other sick people. I cannot believe how many people who mess with me involved in the harassment make intimations concerning abuse and such...I believe these people see the value in each other and thier actions. Like minded abusers who will join in becuz some woman does this to her kid so they can too.

When my mother still had some humanity intact, she discovered she was a human radiation experimentee as an infant during the 50's. My grandparents met and married in the US Marines and the Bethesda Naval Hospital is where she was treated- its also listed as one of the hospials to perform unethical human experiments. She did the best she could and talked to the Dept of Energy for a few years. She got her records which she said were just about to be destroyed (no surprise as its documented that records concerning the rest of the experiments had been destroyed forevcer leaving it unanswered what exactly was or is going on).
She worked very hard on this .One day I saw her and asked about it she then claimed that she was "followed" and just dropped it after being harassed.

One has to understand the mental make up of a woman who has been terrorized by males from a young age comapared to me who never grew up with a bio dad in the house and moved around alot making strangers her family as well as having the first 5 years of my life in foster care. I did not have the bond with the handlers in the family like she did or the abusers for that matter. My mother may appear stronger than me but she rarely is able to stand up for what she believes is right- its easy for males or authority to intimidate her.
The other thing my mother doesnt have is LOYALTY or if she does its to whoever can give her what she wants. Not uncommon but to sell out your kid is a bit much.

She will also intimidate others like the men in her family to get what she wants. I was often controlled in this manner or just left out of the loop of info all the time.

So for a mostly MALE AUTHORITY FIGURE like govt or police or feds or whatever to stalk or harass her is an area that she cant deal with. She is also afraid due to a lifetime of intimidation.
She really does identify with the aggressor alot of times: she had this horrible habit of tailgating people and I think she did it becuz it bugged me so much. She is a drama queen in the car while driving and stresses others out to gain control- one day she looked at me with these snakes eyes and said " they say now that tailgating is aggressive driving" and it was like she was annoyed by thier petty laws that she couldnt get away with intimidating people anymore.
This is the side to her that is so disgusting. She knows what she is doing but its just how can she get over. And instead of figuring out a way to go to Harvard extention school or excel she would rather expend energy fighting with people all the time. It never made sense to me and it never will. Its disgusting really- the only time it came inot being useful was for something worthy-AND HER BEING A HUMAN RADIATION EXPERIMENTEE WAS WORTHY.

What was done to her was outright wrong- to all victims of unethical human experimentation. I was not so proud of her when she gave up at the first sign of intimidation. It may have been the smart choice but it was not the right choice. To get justice you have to make it perhaps the meaning of your whole life and you may even die-however this cost is little becuz to me, if your not seeking the truth then what kind of life is it? And if she was harassed the way I was I dont understand why she doesnt just bust out fighting until the living under someones thumb so heavily just isnt worth it.

Well, lets think about that for a minute. She was always better at being sneaky and underhanded and having no loyalty whatsoever.

Another theory I thought of, and it kills me to think of this as a possibility- what if because she got chased out of the class action lawsuit she was offered compensation instead for taking part in more human experimentation or at least some cover up?
I had a tarot card reading which of course totally for false security during being with Scott the abuser. It was something along with tabloids that I used to escape the unpleasantness of my situation. This woman must have heard what was being done to me locally because we were discussing my mother and it came to the subject of money- she looked right into my eyes and said "But she wants it doesnt she" . All along the lines of my mother doing anything for money.

Her attorney is described by her as "creative". He's been with her for years and I dont like him as he tried to intimidate me once into stating in a court case that my mother and I fought and had a strained relationship soley due to the stress of the car accident. Once again she thought she could intimidate me into being nothing but a puppet to say and do what she wanted. I said NO outright. There is not way that EVER that woman was going to get away with what she was doing to me and I knew then that lying about it in a courtroom was wrong-now I see that years later if she had any problems with me she could just add this as an excuse.
The performance in court was worthy of an acting career- she even wore this blouse that buttoned up to her neck to look frumpish- after years of seeing her in tight Danskins over her size DD boobs at Ken's pub for years on end there was no way I was buying into this BS.

I never forgave the attorney for interfering and trying to use me for her ends. She still retains him and in order to sound like the family has money she refers to him as 'the family lawyer'.
Well, there was another car accident years later and only my grandparents were in the car and this Indian woman hit them allegedly- I asked why my mother had anything to do with this new lawsuit and my grandmother explained that they were going to say that my mother was in the car when she was not. My mother has had multilple lawsuits and one has to wonder.

Did I mention that during the lawsuit when her and I got hit by a drunk driver, that lawsuit where her attorney asked me to lie, after I got my 3000 dollars that she handed me so I have no idea what it said on paper, after that she actually called me on the phone and asked if I would contribute to her new house her and my stepfather had bought in Warwick RI, USA. I was 18 years old and making 4 dollars and hour basically livng like a typical neo hippie kid in Providence- she knew I had nothing to speak of and it was also offensive because my stepfather seemed to at a certain point turn on me. I dont think he understood what he was dealing with and he also had never had children. One of the main reeasons I left home was becuz I was sick of her blaming me for her and my stepfather fighting. "I blame YOU for Stevens drinking". Well I wasnt buying into that either, so I left KNOWING that without a scapegoat around they would have to deal with EACH OTHER and sure enough in 4 years they were divorced.
So I am not welcome in this house but she wants me to give her money saying "its your hose too"..who are you kidding? When I refused she said "Your being very petty Rachel, very petty" you can see its been disrepect since I took my first breath.

SO this kind of behavior is what I have dealt with and this leads me to believe that she wouldnt be above selling me out especailly if she thought I would never live through it or come back from the dead.

Another thing that was alwasy suspect was my grandmother keeping money under the grandchildren's names. This may be fine if they are under 18 but after that its illegal I think. However with a degree in accounting one could accomplish anything.
My one grandfather, who you'd think was the biggest bastard of all since he was the main abuser, actually tried to warn me about this- I was taking care of him after his heart attack helping out and he just kept bringing that up and looking at me. I think I gave my grandparents some joy that they did not get from the other children and grandchildren becuz I was interested in them as individuals. I also inherited my grandfathers love of books and education. It paid to be an outsideer sometimes.

One day on the phone my grandmother was talking to my mother and I somehow managed to test my theory about a suspected large sum of money being hidden under my name-either that or it was very early on gaslighting of me. She got nervous and said "thats an awful lot of money, honey" I think it was 100.000. I later suspected that this is a great way to make me look like I loaded during a federal investigation surrounding friends of friends for money laundering.

I can hear my mother now, trying to pretend to protect me while really doing damage control: "SHE DOESNT UN-DER-STAND" and then trying to expain away the situation.

The only reason I dont understand what is going on around me is becuz no one tells me what is going on while gas lighting me- to the point where anyone in thier right mind could see its a frame up. Duh.

Well due to personal reasons I couldnt see it then but I do now.

What was most scary is during the harssment she kept saying it was due to the federal investigation around my associate's friends, then on the phone she wud get really creepy and say things like " I am very interested in the way your mind works" and she also kept bragging about having a military credit card.

She even brought a gun into my grandmothers house in Waltham, MA that she had for protection in RI and due to the laws being different had to keep making a big drama over it being across state lines. One day I asked about it and she said, with the exact same look as the tailgating comment "oh, no one knows about that" like she got away with something- she also got rid of the gun I assume.

As I got older during these years she did come to think of it become obssessive about self defense. She would brag to me about the gun but also about being able to defend herself physically.
I wonder if years of guilt was starting to get to her and she feared me therefore had to make it clear.
The sad thing is that I always loved my mother as I am her child and to me she was just perfect. Yet I was the only one she could never accept love from, she always kept seeking it from her parents in an endless attempt probably to heal herself. In recovery I even offered her a chance to wipe the slate clean. I asked for just one or two hours with a therapist as there were things she did I did not understand. She refused multiple times at the chance for reconciliation and instead escelated the life long war between us she started with me when I was just a kid, back from the foster home in her care.

Her and others have to understand not only is what they do wrong, its outright frame up and persecution to keep hurting someone and then try to look like you did nothing wrong to the whole world. I wont take it. I never did and I never will. They do what they do as if they never grew out of the 70s. Its still about how badass you are.
My mother used to be in on harassing this short girl called little Debby at Kens. Everyone was so mean to her becuz she was so up on ludes that she acted kinda goofy but she was cute- she was sleeping with someone I dont recall who and this got her made fun of as well. I will NEVER forget my mother making me go over to her and ask her if she was retarded. Funny as you may think its not funny becuz she was so short and naive looking that she actually registered as another child to me. My mother was always joining that whole bitch crew in making fun of her- saying she was retarded and whatever else. That was my first experience with harassment and people getting thier children in on it. It was distasteful to me and I never wanted to do it to anyone ever again.

That whole family needs to learn that questioning and thinking do not make me 'like ya fatha' it makes me smart and perhaps not only smarter than all of them but NOT EASILY CONTROLLED.

I can see it now- deny deny deny. I was always willing to take not only resonsibility fo my actions but to get the help I needed to self improve- and that was my business and I didnt compare to anyone as NA teaches us that comparing is just keeping yourself down.

I grew up, everyone around me did not and when the shit came down in 2003 or so they chose to save their own skins. Also if they didnt like how crazy or eccentric I was then tell my therapist to do her damn job and stop stalling me or acting like she never went to school at all---but wait. There are reasons that a therapist cant help me with things like hypnosis to recover memories or flooding etc.
and THAT is what this is really about.

What is interesting is how important it is to not only deny me a future that is good but to make sure I never tell my story.

In conclusion after years of dealing with an intergenerational abusive family I would not put it past her to do anyhthing to get money or a way out.

I also want to mention something else about what is going on with TIs. Everytime we give in to the system and confess under duress as I am doing lately we ensure that there is no privacy anymore. We ensure that this system of covert harassment to get confession, which I suspect is really part of a behavior modification program, will be valited and used to torture people in tne future. I believe the sole purpose of gang stalking is NOT to gain information as the system already has information- it is a step in behavior modification that ensures that the system redefines the person and has control over them NOT an independant individual. It ensures that 'the state' if you will has a hook forever inside you and you always will respond to that. The greatest thing that this culture is obsessed with right now is conformity and social control. There are people who really believe in order to make a better world certain things must be controlled. So I have to tell my story not as I would like or not for myself but because the harsssment and psych warfare has been so bad. I believe its very important to prove that this system can get a confession out of anyone.

Basically I have lived like someone in jail for years and n0w am turning witness not by my own will but due to harassment and believing that the PTSD and suicide ideations will subside if I give the system what is wants.

As you can see by my video I just uploaded I am pretty beat down. This is not about information its about proving that INFORMATION CAN BE GAINED BY TORTURE. So everything I write I do so in the mere hopes of surviving but still feel that the chances are there I may die. Its a total power trip the system is on right now and they will do anyting to validate it. its also some very fucked up peoples way of following the Dr Phil type movement where everyon gets into everyone elses business and 'helps' reform them by harassing them and breaking them down into disclosure. Then from there the system, as I heard on Dr Phil who I cant stand, one of his guests talked about a domino effect of honesty, that she dealt with her sexuality after dealing with her drug abuse. Funny I tried to do that according to that method and I GOT STALLED, STONEWALLED AND GASLIGHTEED THEN TARGETED. So the rationale is bullshit. This is about gainging confession via torture end of story.

Sheen proving he's a real man- again

I never like that piece of crap Two and a Half Men..hmmm. Gee I wonder why.
Too bad Busey isnt standing right next to him in the mugshot. Yeah for Hollywood. Or maybe Jackson Brown-you know, all the men that get away with this sh*t that other men secretly worship them for..

Never trust the people around you/pedo families and human experimentation

Woke up and as usual its 3 am so being after midnight my mind is calm, my body centered and there is a return of the Will mental and otherwise.
Its been very bad lately during the hours of targeting from 6 am to 12 midnight. I made a video to upload but it just makes me look more nuts cuz I am very upset in it.

I woke up thinking about my ex associate Julia, that ungrateful spoiled rotten brat. I dont usually think of her as my situation fits the common one for deprogramming survivors of truama based mind control not something more connected to her- but I know that one of the reasons she is important is that she is the cover story, also like Mark Phillips said this connects to certain criminal enterprises whether they know it or not.

But I cant help recalling how JRB kept saying her father worked for the CIA, she also said that he worked for Hershey chocolate. But she tells everyone something different in order to hide the truth usually so who knows if its true. It would however explain alot about my situation.

I cant help but think how she could have easily warned me- so could Jake and my own mother if they so choosed. If they really wanted to do anything other than see me suicide or be committed or labeled then they could have warned me that there was a federal investigation going on.

I think Julia was the only one who tried, telling me to read that Newton newspaper artidfle in 2005 about Douglas Bannerman who was a friend of a friend I didnt know very well...just in passing. I was usually kept pretty dumb about what was going on anyway, and i wonder how many people around me knew I was programmed or just thought I was a victim of truama so therefore just numbed out and in denial most of the time. Most people in that business are in denial most of the time or no one could function.

The shock of all this has been too much over the years- JJulie I expected to turn on me as a business decision and Jake well, that became obvious but I think my own mother being in on it to the extent that she was is just too much.
I mean here is Julie telling me to read news articles and telling me that she no longer goes into the city and all these clues as to what was going on, even sayng that certain people involved were perfectly ready to take the fall for what they had done and that Douglas had done some "bad things". She was the only one who tried to warn me.
Like some small raft being thrown out when a ship is sinking- she was the only one. My own mother just sat there and played games with me.

I still see people sometimes look at me and sort of shake thier heads and I still wonder what they want from me. After all I have been through and knowing that I am not going to live through this- WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I think its a head game to make the Target feel bad and continue to drive them further to suicide. Either that or they think I should go writing confessionals for a bunch of feds who seemed to only enjoy the game being played with me and really to be on the side of the rich criminals with wealthy powerful men as connections. Why was a subpeona never issued?

Historically slaves had to be harassed and beaten to get testimony out of them as they would never testify against thier masters- I think this was ancient Rome I read about. I do not appreciat being treated the exact same way just becuz I am programmed and the sneaky assholes at the top secretly know this so I am being beaten down instead of treated like a human being and a citizen and served a fucking subeona.

What kind of game is this anyway...people who are perps keep telling me I have been discredited in reference to all this so why continue?
The people I left behind have forgotten about me and pretend I dont exist or they are just waiting for me to finally loose it or drop dead. I am being ignored so that the whole nation can side with those three assho;es trying to get rid of me for thier own reasons.

I now see that making sure I wasnt served or informed during the actual federal investigation GIVES THE SYSTEM THE OPPORTUNITY AND RATIONALE TO TEST MK ULTRA OR OTHER METHODS OF INTERRIGATION ON SOMEONE WHO IS PROGRAMMED.

I now believe this is the real reason that I was never told about what was going on.

THEYRE NOT TRYING TO KILL ME THE F*CKERS ARE CONTINUING HUMAN EXPERIMENTATION. They are testing out behavior modificston and moreso on someone who is programmed. They all fucking knew. They all knew.

And this is perfect becuz not only does it get rid of someone inconvenient for connected criminals it ensures that the human experimentation is covered by a good cover story- NO ONE BELIEVES IN THE PROGRAMMING OF HUMAN BEINGS SO THE ATTITUDE IS THAT THEY CAN BE EXPERIMENTED ON AND TORTURED AND NO ONE WILL KNOW OR CARE.

I have seen a similar case during the time I was being harassed- Mark Carr. Why DID he walk into a police station and confess to killing JohnBenet when he did not do so? He has also complained frequently of being harassed by cops. OK the guy is a little weird and his being a pedophile is in question but I would have to see proof that he was indeed got in trouble for messing with a student and therefore went off to Thailand to become a teacher. There were some threads on the internet where people speak of it being suspected he was programmed. I have seen him holding a giant doll and while this explains his obsession with little girls I just wonder if one of his alters isnt a little girl itself.
If this guy it programmed and he is now obsolete the system will then use any and all problems he has against him- perhaps his programming broke down or he started acting out too much and became too obvious.
Why do I even think to include him in my writing on this subject? Most people just thought of him as some crazy pedo who confessed for attention- however his claims of policemen harassing him constantly is telling.

I also am looking at this becuz at the exact same time he came out with his false confession I was also being harassed but not just that--I actually experienced being tortured into confessing to crimes I did not commit. There was something weird going on with terrorizing me constantly for a short period during all this with nightmares, visions and othe torture that I was somehow a child molester--but it was always visions of men doing things. One vision was particularly horrible, of a group of Japanese men sitting around on black leather couches with children. These are NOT normal daily musings for me and I would not be affected like this outside of my apartment in Brighton MA- you know the one, with those cell phone repeaters on the roof from Nextel.
Someone trying to help me through this actually gave me an entire bundle of pages containging info about those towers- the company, the layout on the roof, how the company had been helped get the towers on the roof by ONE OF THE LAWYERS IN NEWTON WHO WAS WORKING ON MY MOLD CASE ON BEHALF OF THE REALTY COMPANY.

There was a period of time right before Carr went in and confessed that I was being tortured and prompted to go into the Brighton police station and confess to acts of child molestation but upon investigation I would have had no story to tell- unless of course the bastards in Brighton were more than willing to lead me along or feed me a story. I fought as hard as I could becuz I knew I was innocent and thank whoever that my programming was still strong enough to resist this nonsense-when I saw that Mark Carr had made a false confession and then I did some research it just didnt work on me at all anymore. THIS IS WHY EXPOSURE IS SO IMPORTANT-IF YOU KNOW HOW ITS DONE YOU CAN NO LONGER BE FOOLED.

IMAGINE A SYSTEM OF COVERT WARFARE OR PSYCHOLOGTCAL WARFARE WHERE YOU COULD MAKE AN ENEMY BELIEVE THEY COMMITED A CRIME AND CONFESS TO IT. You could get rid of anyone you wanted- now wether that applies to mind controlled people only I dont know. I sounds like just a continuation of MK ULTRA which was to get agents to confess- if they KNOW and arent disclosing that most 'agents' are programmed, then experimenting on even thier own expendables would be a way to test the system out.

This is what expendable means. Just that. Expendable.
Lou Gheppetti said to me one day " you know expendable people are factored into businesses- kind of like a building site where they factor in how many workers are gong to die on the job" I got the clue real quick.

I have also heard something concerning being targeted because "so and so has alot of pedophilia in (his/her) family. This is a dead giveaway reference to expendables from pedophile families. I believe that the people who secretly support this system use this rationale to use , abuse and control expendable mind controlled slaves. They most likely convince themselves that somehow the later generatons have to pay for the sins of the forefathers. In terms of false morality and religious thought this makes sense..its also a great way to rationalize human rights violations for profit.

People believe they can treat a survivor however they please due to thier family of origins status- this is an excuse to get away with human slavery. So instead of helping with healig and encouraging survivors they use this as a rationale to further human experimentation.

I believe the authorities in the USA from what I have seen simply manage crime they do not solve it or cure the problem. They use abuse and help sell out and blackmail people who cant pay off the system and the people who can pay off the police and other authorities are left alone. The police love the image of the bumbling keystone cop. I believe they have much more power than people know and they serve thier own and others special interests on levels way beyond bribes and police brutality. They are smarter than people think, the are more criminal minded than you realize and I believe they go upon thier own authority way more than you would think.
They also often have connections to the military per prior service. Except the crimes of the military seem alot more transparent- as if they have more accountability. The cops queitly go about thier business being now worshipped and feared by society.

Who knows who is worse in all this. For all I know the factions are always fighting amongst each other. I know one thing- it was mentioned a few times to me in Boston that "sometimes the cops take it upon themselves to do things (and overstep thier authority)" and "it never should have happened in the first place" referring to my harassemnt and the gang stalking.
I believe most police and in denial about thier own system to survive or they are brainwashed to see only their cult as legitamate with a right to exist. They are obsessive by nature and most have stalker qualities to begin with. They will not stop until they get THIER f*ckin way even if its a gross abuse of power or outright wrong.
They must defend thier system with wrongdoing and they obviously think most civilains are stupid compared to them. They cant stand me almost immediately due to the fact taht I am programmed and when they are 'scanned' by looking in thier eyes I can tell what they are all about- also from dealing with thier behavior for so long and hearing stories from Kens pub in Allston from the 70s about how corrupt they are. I can see how they look at someone they think is just a civilian- like most people are stupid and many of them have this friendly policemen front alter...

GEE I CAN RELATE. Programmed people always send representatives of themselves, while the internal system fixes upon really checking you out.
I wonder if policemen are programmed. I know is Boston it was popular in the old days to only allow sons of cops to become cops. Good DNA for the job or just at home training so they know how to keep the code up?

I never had a problem with the cops's right to exist before they got out of hand during Bush..but then again I dont recall anyone coming after me like this before Bush and 911. I always recieved low level harassment most likely to keep me in line and controlled but it was from all differnt sources and seemed more random.

Perhaps the police and other authorities are kept away frm the survivor until its time to really lay into them and get them to go crazy, suicide or whatever else the system has planned.

It would not suprise me that coming from a 'bad family' is the rationale for alot of people in on this. Its the only way they can get around human slavery and torture as a human rights violation.

When I first read about survivors of programming the circumstances were so similar and it filled in alot of the blanks of the how and why...but I still could not believe that pedophile families sold out family members due to black mail. It all seemed so outlandish to me, that such a thing could not be real. But its obvious that its the only rationale this Judeo-Christian false morality society would have for acting like the greedy selfish animals they really are.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

update on anyphalactic shock allergic reaction to Bactrim/Boston corruption

Some things have happened.

Since the mold exposure years ago I had reactions to things like mold in any place I would sleep. everytime I get a room it ususally has to be on the second floor due to first floor rooms often being moldy at ground level,. I am so sensitive all I have to do is go into the room and start breathing in the air and i can tell.. headache and yikky feeling is immediate. I feel very clear headed and energetic when someplace not affected.

I had an allegy test done during the mold exposure in the apartment and it said i had an allergy to mold and dust mites-everything else was negative.

after the mold exposure it was obvious that allergies to things increased. However, my healthy habits countered this and any affect was able to be handled by me though I was often miserable or adversely affected I never had this severe shock afffect.

I had eaten common allergy foods witi h no problem, eggs, nuts, dairy-nothing seemed to be an obvious allergen to me.

However now after the reaction to Bactrim I am now finding I cant eat common allergy foods. Eating some ice cream with nuts in it brought me back to the ER but I took Benedryl and just waited outside the ER cuz I didnt want to deal with it again. You have to realize I have been dealing with surgeries and hospitals all my life and I am sick of them. And medical people are often a 50/50 chance of them being so mean that it worsens anything psychological I am going through in relation to being a trauma survivor-espacially as being admitted to a hospitla is another truamatic situation.

I tried to drink some milk today and didnt realize it was an allergy food but I am suspect of all foods now and am watching reactions carefully- sure enough just after drinking a few gulps I had to take another Benydryl and go through the effects again.

Its been really bad since the Bactrim reaction and I wonder if its permanent damage. The whole process of the allergice reaction is really enough to make my whole situtaion more difficult..and way to find a way to take passion away from a person- FOOD.

So now food isnt fun anymore its something I have to fear. The only good thing I can imagine is that I loose weight becuz food is such a turn off now.

there are groups on the internet that want to have Bactrim banned due to its side effects. If you have this reaction I suggest you join the campaign becuz this drug is dangerous--especially when docs dont listen. I told the doc that I had mold exposure that made me sick and that taking antibiotics made me feel 'mold sick' slightly. I also told her I had liver disease.

Why would she give me this med, its obvious I was not a good candidate for it. I tell ALL medical personell about the mycotoxicosis, firstly becuz for all time I want it on file that it ruined my life while that BITCH BARBRA PETTITI ran around locally saying "Rachel didnt deserve that money" about my settlement out of court. Actually B. Pettit and her son dont deserve to be in real esttate dealing with vulnerable populations like the elderly or low income if their attitude is so better than and arrogant. And HUD was no help--totally corrupt.

That is why court rooms are a joke and dont work and we must take our activism outside to the public. The system especially in Boston is so corrupt and works for connected criminals who appear to be straight laced snobs from Newton for instance- that anyone who cant scream 'foul' to the NAACP or isnt friends with the regular guy network who always 'knows someone whos cousin' or whatever can help you out, your screwed. Humans do things according to thier own wills especially there and not according to the laws.

the attitude of Boston is like the attitude in an Irish pub..after the locals who hang out there beat the shit out of a patron who isnt in the crowd, the fist question as the ambulance arrives is "Was he alone?" so they can cover thier asses. Its perceived that if you are alone you have no rights in Boston. Its so corrupt that everyone is basically in a gang...even if its ethnic or religious or a social group its really a gang to keep you safe from the other 'gangs' or groups that have territory or power.

a new thread on gang stalking needs work(

To whoever "JEREMYSTALKED" is we all appreciate what you are doing but you need to take it more seriously as credibility to the public is critical right now. Always we must remain credible as the tide may turn in our favor.

Also we must take caution as there have been many attemtps on our collective life so to speak, by dangerous people who have credibilty in acedemics and the mainstream. You must not take for granted that the system uses silence and non disclosure to bury us...sometimes they use attack and its done in a way that makes all our efforts seem like part of mental illness.

The thread is a very good idea and inventive but the sarcasm in the description needs to go.
Just be straight forward in your aggression and say that people need denial to exist and you want that denial now viewed as a delusion.

cut out the bit about medication and mental health professionals..why?

Also your giving the perps too much attention with your directed passive-aggression.
THE ULTIMATE WAY TO HANDLE GANG STALKING PERPS IS TO MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE THEY DO NOT EXIST AND DISREGARD THEM COMPLETELEY-remember they live off YOUR energy as a TI. They seek attention, get off on the power of the group or mob like a cult or gang and love to see you squirm. They are weak hearted individuals who take full advantage of vulnerable people and should be punished by being shunned BY THE TARGET THEMSELVES. Since society rewards them and doesnt punish them we must do so as best we can. Passive-aggression only gives in to thier assumption you are weak.

-WE NEED CREDIBILITY and this thread if done properly may just rival all the claims that whoever DOES claim to be a victim of covert warfare is mentally ill.

(and believe me I am unraveling and have probably no cred becuz that is what the gang stalking campaigns is supposed to do to a Target so they will never be reliable victim witnesses, either to something pre existing that got them targeted or now to the harassment itself. only the strong of mind can even survive a heavy campaign and there will be permanent damage to the person. If you do not have ruined cred as I do then work with that. This is why I continue to be harassed and systematically ignored due to my being targeted so heavily making me so off the wall. I leave all my information so that other TIs can use whatever they need. Really this is a way of bleeding the TI to death. We give a lifetimes worth of energy and work and still we are destroyed and ignored.
The system is arrogant and believes it should decide who lives and who dies.

Denial is the filter in which people use to block out negativity or 'bad' or 'evil' in thier worlds. Ignorance is bliss so you might have a hard time pulling people out of thier comfort zones but people are dying and there have been several gang stalking related suicides. Human experimentation is thought to be involved and we are talking about human and civil rights violations as well as Geneva convention...if those things even apply.

I see so many people hanging thier heads when they see me and NOT as a tactic- people know what is going on in the USA they just dont want to deal with it.

Read STASILAND a book put out a few years ago- its plainly written that most people in East Germany either knew about the covert harassment system and did nothing or they took part with the ease of paying a phone bill, in order to live "undisturbed" by the covert system of harassment and stalking.

Friday, December 25, 2009 Fransisco/ Targeted man wants investigation of corrupt 'security' program and hi-tech weapons

I can imagine they are getting thier lawyers together already.
Its probably already been planned how to contain this once it reaches official cred. I am sure alot of victims will be discredited along the way while targeted. Oh and dont trust your fellow TIs when this gets official validation becuz I have already experienced a TI core group that wants cred so bad they will shun anyone who is discredited. There could be alot of disinformants in these groups so that when the subjectmatter does come to mainstream level, they can push everyone else out of the way and claim they are the legit survivor group- then the system will side with them exclusively and volla! Situation handled WITHIN THE SAME SYSTEM THAT TARGETS VICTIMS.
Its as possibility. Just try to keep documenting the best you can.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

in ER from allergic reaction to Bactrim, anaphylaxis

I recall taking Bactrim years ago maybe once in my twenties. I dont recall having a reaction.
I was resting for the day and and my trucker host was off getting rig fixed.

Red welts werent alarming but the trouble breathing was. Within a half hour or less or taking this medication. it was prescribed a yesterday but I didnt start taking it until today. FOR SOME REASON I PUT IT OFF AS WELL AS SOMETHING KEPT TELLING ME TO FORGET IT AND THE UTI SYMPTOMS HAD IMPROVED SO DONT BOTHER TAKING THEM.

As usual I should have taken heed of my intuition, I often to and things turn out allright.

this is the first time i have been treated for a UTI with this medication. When the doc gave it too me she just said "you dont have any trouble with sulfa drugs do you?" and it was very in passing with everything else she was telling me. She really should have asked me more as well as discussed it further.

The hospital was OK but the male nurse was sort of a jerk. I just wonder how many people know who I am or just treat me badly becuz I look so poor right now as I was bumming around the room just trying to get writing done. i notice the city i am in the way i am dressed for sure causes attention as well as a judgement. In Boston they would just think i was a student or whatever. The nurse acted like he was trying to hide something by saying "well it might be an allergic reaction to the medication we dont know but it looks like it is".

I could swear when I was leaving he said "ok time to kick you out the front door" but I could he wrong..I just went "what?" like did he really say that? or what did you say? and he put his thumb out and jerked it in the direction of its time to go. i mean he did his job but the way he treated me while having this severe reaction made me feel worse about just everything.

I could swear I heard his discussing something about stress in reference to me outside the curtain or in passing in the hallway.

The creepiest thing that happened was a man perhaps an EMT was pushing a patient with all these tubes unconshus (yes i spell it phonetically-deal with it.) he looked into my ER room and as he passed said "merrrrry Xmas" and i did not here him conversing with anyone before or after that statement. It was very cynical or a bit sarcastic..

these incidents and others like it are so hard becuz everyone did thier job medically speaking.
also the man passing by could have just been a jerk who is very into being depressed about his job during xmas and isnt the world a mess. the other guy could have been just a jerk.

it was scary anyway the reaction. i just shouldnt have taken them as my intuition told a round about way i guess.
i cant complain too much as everyone did what they were supposed to do and the firemen and ambulance people were ok.
amended Jan 2011:
(one year later at Xmas a police car wud pass the Harvard CoOp where I was sleeping and a policewoman would use the intercom to say the exact same thing with just the same amount of nastiness.)

An interesting comment by a reader about my ex Jake

A comment left by one of my readers:
" Jake sounds like a joke to me. His d--- probably wasn't all that big. It's all a matter of perception, really. If you're really digging someone, the human mind tends to over-exaggerate certain things. Like the two parallel lines, exactly the same size, but somehow one looks bigger than the other.
The truth is, very few men have the "ideal" penis, save for a couple fortunate "gifted" ones, like John Holmes. Now THAT was a big penis. Jake? Hahaha, yeah right. If his c--k were that huge, then why did he sell you out? The men with the truly big d--ks are the ones resisting the system."

(and to answer the question why did i put the 'adult content' screen up there)

Well, yes when you are messing with road groupies and old bleach blonde strippers with an open relationship and and then when a difficult situation comes around you need to draw attention to your girlfriends activities to minimize attention to your drug dealing and kinky bedroom antics then yes, you are a joke..except to the people who used you and the crowd that helped you and revere you for what you did.If you have been 'the fat kid' all your life and someone loves you for you its often confusing. Your a musician and your in your mother's attic 'apartment' on the phone with people telling you "I cant help you band right now" and cancelling tours due to disinterest or personal issues, and someone gives you an offer you cant refuse which would not only get you out of trouble for dealing or at least lessen the consequences but ALSO will get you the success you have been looking for for years its hard to resist.
Its good that he finally cleaned up after being busted, but that did not have to include playing f*ckin games with ME. He could have and should have just walked away. He knew what he was doing during the 4 years we were together and I am the one who kept trying to get out as I knew I was going through something and I did not want to affect him. Why did he not just let it go? He knew he was going out with someone slightly eccentric and he knew my life had been traumatizing--he knew enough to understand that.
Who knows if he wasnt playing games the whole time.

I dont think hes a joke I think he was one of the most valuable chess pieces on the board as I trusted him and was very vulnerable to him. I only recently could start hating him..

Scott always made fun of me when I was with him for having someone before him that was big. I have seen regular guy types laugh at me cuz they know who I am from whatever level of the gang stalking and do things like make a gesture mimicking pulling something over your head..its one of the most offensive and rude parts of this campaign. If women have babies dont they go back to being 'healthy' and 'in shape' again?

So I am in a relationship with this guy and he did have abusive habits sometimes, we enjoy each others company and our sex life. I tell him repeatedly over time that he needs to let me alone as I am going through something. He always does something to get me to return.
When the shit comes down I have to be vilified, he acts like he doesnt want to see me when he starts to go to meetings and then leads me along and breaks up with me over a phone telling me has been monogamous with someone for a while now..i wont forget it-he had to brag that they got together only AFTER they had blood work done. Arent you perfect.
After all this I have to be responsible for everything in our relationship-even the size of his body parts I guess.
He only learned new ways to get around the system instead of getting honest with himself. He memorized the NA text like tabs to a song or lyrics then would recite them...but you could tell he didnt have a true understanding of it at all. He needed to make it appear for some reason that he had more recovery time or knowledge of NA than I did. It was an interesting possible gang stalking tactic as this wud invalidate my former life and experience in NA years before I met him.
He may be a joke to other people but to me he was a person. An important person and this was deadly as the system used that to destroy me. And any guy who has issues with women is going to latch onto him as their hero. They dont want to know the whole story. Only thier selfish motives are important.The USA is spoiled rotten so I wouldnt doubt that a female TI like me is like a luxury item served up to sexists nowadays as anything they do gets them a sexual harassment a society too strict or playing favorites youll get cold wars (hate without being overt) and people seek ways out of being taboos such as gang stalking.

Oh the song is for him and all his crew. The last I saw of him in photos he doesnt even look human anymore -he looks like a greasy, sleazy industry scumbag. His eyes have changed, there is no spirit there anymore. Its like the Celt has been wiped right out of him...yeah I guess Hollywood IS the right place for him now. He has these beatty eyes now.

One day everyone who was used in this game will understand that even if the system seems to paying you off its robbing you of your primitive energies and spiritedness. You are now effectively handled. Its sad that both of us look like shells of our former selves. But he got such a good deal out of it all that he probably would never even want to think about his old would be interesting to see where he would be today had we never met.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

"You're Sponging Off the System"

Decency is not measured totally in monetary terms.
Its amazing what this system can do. I am sitting here and noticing a distinct hatred for myself and upon examination note that there are ideations that I am:
-sponging off people
-sponging off the system
-am living off the system akin to 'Jews' (in many cultures it was feared would live off the local system)

I fought these ideations by thinking logically and humorously about all this:
"The logical thought would be that I am targeted and need help or that I am targeted and therefore have to live off the system."
This broke through what I consider to be part of the behavior modification program.

Its no surprise that this covert activity as it does seem to exist is written about on the internet as being supported widely by Republican conservative WASPs. Ridiculous as it may seem SOMEONE out there sees the value in breaking someone down by making one hate one's Self.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Another RA Blog That May Be Useful

A Theory About JonBenet's Murder

The only place I could find this was off but there is this thread which adds more interesting information.

I dont like alot of these websites as they make sense one minute and then they dont the subject matter that is put forward is often undocumented or not credible. Its unfortunate becuz there is good material on alot of these kinds of websites.

Rense and Alex Jones are infighting...I just dont get it. Alex Jones has his moments of sounding like he's saying things that cant be substantiated. I just sift through and find things that are useful or sound sensible.

Here is the thread:
The original:

At least they are using handwriting or letter writing analysts and there is a witness from CA.

I think its important for people to see that abuse of the human being is the problem not what the cult uses as a front like what thier belief system is. There are all sorts of ritual abuse using different belief systems.

People have to understand the abuse is not normal. Some people seem to feel the abuse shouldn't affect someone for a lifetime. That is true IF WE WERE DEALING WITH NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
What did I post a few days back about terrorism? Terrorists are people who feel that extremism is the ONLY WAY OUT of thier circumstances. They are desperate people taking desperate action.

Note how the handwriting analysts specifically talk about ".. someone who feels watched all the time" or to that effect. This would be the norm for a mother of this kind of asset to this kind of cult.
Look at all the blogs and testimonies of Survivors off all kinds who have one thing in common- that pedophile groups into RA constantly watch and harass Survivors.
This is why survivors cant just 'get over it' or ignore thier circumstances.
An example would be that people could say I had a difficult life in my 20's. This may be true but it was not so difficult that I could not HEAL and RESTRUCTURE myself and GROW as a person. When it became evident that I not only intended to do so but that I now had the access to my internal power as human being to do so THE SYSTEM CAME AFTER ME. These circumstances are for the rest of the person's life.

The abuse is not normal. Its ritualistic. Also there is terrorizing that goes on that you or any other reasonable person would not believe. Some of these groups have access to so much money and connections it would be easy to set up some of the things that are experienced by targeted survivors of programming, RA, abuse or brain washing.
The effects are not something you can heal from becuz you cant get away from the source of abuse. This is why the idea of the targeted person being mentally ill is useful as no one wants to believe such a thing exists in our society or our world and so they dont have to if they just go alont with the idea there is something wrong with the targeted survivor.

It sounds like the mother acted out of a desperate sense of not being able to save her daughter.
Or it could have been they accidentally killed the child during abuse.

Either way the public has to chose to either acknowledge the existence of untouchable abuse cults or just continue to pretend such human atrocities dont exist.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Changes In My Writing

I am unraveling. It was bound to happen and you can either keep reading and get what you can out of it or you can choose not too becuz its going to be ugly.
Ugly but honest.
How long do you think a person can withstand years of harassment, isolation and stalking with intermittent torture?
I at least am smart enough to understand what is happening to me.
In the end my detractors, what small amount of the population even know I exist, will chock it up to mental illness. You cant stop a cover up. There is too much comfort and reward for the public to believe it. Believing the truth would be a sacrifice and that is supposed to be the Targets job not the public's.
I will do whatever it takes to get the info out I feel is important.
You realize that whoever set this up already knows this is the outcome dont you?

Kids working for this system try to console me be telling me that everyone will go on with thier lives and I will become a "controversial writer".
This system is expert at having psychological profiles on their Targets, why wouldnt they also be able to predict the outcome of their actions?

Targets are toys in the hands of this system and they are also a way to prove its worth and power. Every destroyed life is a testament to thier power and omnipotence (if not omnipresence as well).
This is why giving in to behavior modification and 'forgetting' everything is offered as the only way to stay alive and sane.

I cant live forever traveling at this age nor living like a gypsy. Nor can I continue to not work. I cant work if I am harassed all the time and I cant stay at shelters if I am harassed. I cant go into a roommate situation becuz the few times I have if they arent perps in on it they just wont rent to you. During the height of the harassment Criagslist in Boston wouldnt even allow my posts to stay up trying to get a roommate and across the country people seemed to know who I was and not rent to me.

So be prepared there probably wont be anymore of me being a stable rock for anyone. Survivors who are heavily targeted usually dont last long and the ones who do I dont understand how they do it. The US is hopeless and my situation was always a matter of time. You got the dirty cops and the worst parts of the system just waiting this out so I wont be a problem anymore. I have sensed that all along. Its a waiting game with most of these people.
However since I went through three layers of suicide programming it really doesnt matter to me if I am part of a future reality or not. I just dont understand why I was kept alive...probably for human experimentation. I have seen what I suspect is a similar thing with other people.

All I want now it to tell what happened and then find a way to get a pyre to disappear into. My looks cant be returned to me nor can my future.
And there are alot of racists and especially sexists who need to see me destroyed in order to feel they exist. So really there is no future. Unless I find some other country where I wont be harassed so much but I hear TIs dont get any relief if they move abroad.

Scott used to say that I feed into this too much, that I should try to live my life anyway. He tried to give me examples of other people who had beat gangs that were "keepin them down". This is more than just a gang.
I think my story will be enough.

I have heard comments like "gee, do you think she needs to be rescued?". Actually I would refuse rescue probably as programmed people are trained to
-go with programming with no concern for themselves
-fight till the death
It might have been a ploy to keep me isolated so that I didnt seek rescue.

Disgust With Pine St and Feminism in America

This is for all those bitches in Boston at Pine St who select who gets to have a safe place to sleep at night depending largely on race or how much ass you kiss to the 'local' community and anyone else who is interested.
Oprah bought the big screen tv at Pine St which one is reminded of constantly and of course its only on the mind numbing local news or Lifetime television for stereotypical women most of the time. Focus on the care of the homeless not outside political issues and celebrity. This is supposed to be about WOMEN not other issues.

So just to prove that things dont always work out I found this article:
Sissas just cant get along can they..uh could it be cuz they are acting like women? Come on, ladies- while we get used as pawns all the time men are still calling the shots...waaaake uuupp.

Enemies of women trying to exist liberated:
-women who include black men or any men in the agenda such as the fiasco of civil rights during the 60's. Now its bitch this and bitch that or pimp this hos that in entertainment industry. No good deed goes unpunished,huh?
-women who look down on or dis other women such as white upper middle class feminists who are haters of sex workers, strippers and other women who need support especially upon exiting such industries.
-Women who choose race or religion over the sisterhood or loyalty to women's issues.

Most women have internalized male ruler ship to the point where any hope for unity is non existent. America does not even have a concept of women having a natural power unique to them that rivals male power as in cultures like Celtic or Germanic or Israel. Latin countries seem to not fear natural female powers or sexuality. These are the best expressions I am sighting as cultural example. I know that subjugation exists everywhere.

If you look at the cut of the business suit for women in the USA it either always made women look
-non gendered
-like a woman in her early 20's or submissive/girlish
If you look at suits designed in Germany or Britain the style exudes power and authority BASED ON the female body or a type of women who exudes power within the female form/utilizing the female form.
Countries like Italy and Spain dress this up a bit and tone down the seriousness but again it appears a celebration of female power.

I assume John Wayne would never allow such a female to be recognized here in America...he's too busy being manly and fighting Indians-forever. In other words he is always busy keeping up the facade that IS the USA being built on property theft as it is.
And the portrayal of manhood in the US was never so unattractive as it is today.

Women in the US keep trying to get it right, they keep trying on all these different ideas of what women should be or could be. Rarely are we allowed to form naturally into simply who we are.
Ever heard of divide and conquer? Oldest trick in the book.

What is my mothers part in this?/ Portrait of a programmed parent

I need to consider that my bio mom is not as dumb as she acts.
I was told by Rebbecca, that woman with all those cats in St Louis that "You come from a family of jealous women" as she was telling me that I was basically being framed up as schizophrenic or it was attempted.

On a Greyhound bus through TX this man and woman were perps and I was being messed with. The male started talking about murderers "..and some mother's kill their babies".
A informant told me "Your mother is sick" and "Your family's cruelty to you is infamous".

When I was a kid my mother visited with a man house sitting for someone wealthy with a big safe. This man claimed to be CIA. I recall the large safe becuz i thought it was fun to try to crack it like in the movies. She dated him for a while until upon having him checked out, was told he was special police not CIA. This is back in the 70's how could she have him checked out? She was on welfare and working at Kens pub in Allston MA as a bartender. Also if she is targeted it shows the kinds of jerks that come after women like us. Again the cops playing games with people they think are going to be easy.

When I was in my 20s some Colombians just left thier apartment in Allston, cleared out within hours. I crashed in the vacated apartment after they left. There were other Colombians out of the south end but I never went into thier building. Those were for my rich kid connections at the time not for me. My mother bragged that she knew I was getting drugs from or partying with Colombians. She claimed "I always knew where you were".
So she has exhibited stalker behavior for a long time. I assume she was talking about the young kids in Allston and this would most likely be the extent of her reach. I dont think she would have been privy to knowing about the big dealers my friends had. In fact she seemed to not know anything about my rich kid friends. Which aggravated her.

In the 70's she knew an EMT named Neil. She claimed Neil was also a sniper. She was impressed by this as she stated "He has the power to save lives but also has the power to take them away". (Gee, you think this is a woman who was terrorized by her father? In her world a man is GOD as well as being the great destroyer.)
She would often receive help from him of a covert nature. Who exactly was this person Neil and who did he work for? In fact having been targeted I know the involvement of ambulance personnel especially in the Boston area. No place around the US have I encountered such heavy involvement from this profession as in Boston. And why is this person a sniper? Isnt that unusual for a mere EMT? Unless he is working undercover for military or police. In what capacity was he a sniper and for what faction exactly? With the heavy involvement of ambulance drivers and thier partners in gang stalking this validates much of what TI's experience. That these people are indeed involved with other factions. Factions that use snipers to kill.

How does my uncle Tommy's mafia connections fit into this? Is that the 'syndicate' she referred to that day in the car when she boldly claimed "When I was dealing with the syndicate, I always took the harassment as 'know your place, bitch'". Does 'the syndicate' refer to Jewish organized crime? Ken's pub? When was she dealing with the syndicate? Why does she claim to have dealt with organized crime but also receives assistance from police as well as EMT's who are snipers and provide her with information?

A kid in ABQ, New Mexico made an offhand comment about my family having police connections. Was this mis- or disinformation? If this is true then the perps and gang stalking system are a separate entity from my mother's network of organized crime/law enforcement.

She also tells a story when she was very young the FBI came to her house due to black beauties(speed pills) she was selling being spiked with rat poison killing people. (The focus of this story was that Anna her mother served them tea and had them sitting at the kitchen table chatting not that people had died.) Did she turn rat at that time and this would explain her connections? And could this have been a perp set up to force her into thier system?

She had a boyfriend once, a drummer named Derek Blevins from a band called John Butcher Axis. I was very young, like under 6 I think. It was when I used to leave the foster home to visit with her. One day I could see as he approached me he looked completely scared and freaked out. He knelt down to talk to me and handed me a pair of drum sticks. It almost seemed like he was trying to prepare me for something in my future concerning my mother or he had discovered what a monster she was finally (like they all do but too late usually.My step father as well.Those big tits were a diversion i guess.) I will never forget the look on his face.
She of course took the sticks away from me and put them in a drawer as she always was a jealous b*tch with men. (Who can blame her? In her own life it was that way in her own home, its not easy when in an incestuous family the daughter is the other woman. It must cause bizarre group dynamics.)
She told me years later that she had alot to do with them not making it on the music scene and having all kinds of 'problems' and obstacles in thier way. What did he do just break up with her? That is how severe she is.

In Pine St some women were trying to tell me that lawyers connected to the federal investigation and Jake's drug case got together behind closed doors and plotted against me instead of negotiating. Remember Pine St has the highest incidence of cop presence and involvement. Most likely due to Paul Sullivan's brother having been a cop but perhaps its thier being around so long. They also work closely with working girls to ensure they have beds so its no surprise they have the highest amount of spies and rats, especially looking for a quicker way to get housing.Then again this place usually provided good leaks of information so who knows what the covert presence is there.

This could be why an Asian lesbian perp at Women's Lunch Place (staying at Woods Mullen) told me "You were used". When she slipped that out Carla this homeless drunk who used to be a teacher gave this hand motion and mouthed 'no' as to make her shut up about it.

If my mother was hiding money under my name where did that money come from? well, my first guess would be one of her questionable lawsuits pulled off by her and her lawyer who she describes as "creative".
It could be that she did get paid off from the class action lawsuit from the radiation experimentation maybe even with some money she got by making claims about me and she did not want to share so I have to be harassed, followed and 'go crazy'. These theories are based on her past behavior. This is not the first time she has shown that she would sell me out for a dime and her greed is frightening.

During the height of the harassment when I was living in Brighton she kept bragging about being issued a military credit card. She has leaned heavily on my grandmother and grandfather being in the Marines and gets as many benefits as she can out of pumping that connection for all its worth, financially and socially.

During the harassment she would say cryptic things like "I am very interested in the way your mind works" just out of nowhere. She used to act like she was in a position of control in what was happening to me like when I got aggravated with the old computer she kicked down, she said "Interesting, your frustrated by it". It was as if by analyzing me she was removed enough to have total control over me. Much of what she said sounded eerily like it was connected to the gang stalking and harassment I was receiving at that time.
Come to think of it, she asked me a question very much like what perps asked me later during harassment nationally. They have asked specifically on two separate occasions one in AZ (perp group on bus) and once in El Paso TX (single perp)
"What do you think of George Bush?". She asked me at this time "What do you think of the war (in Iraq)?" and this is not a woman who was ever into having any sort of intellectual conversation with me. My mother was purely a handler to me with perhaps an alter that was a mother which I saw alot less of than the handler.

If she has such a great lawyer then why did she not have some protection or advice for me during the harassment turning 24/7 in 2003? She claimed it was just feds "When they find out you dont know anything they will probably leave you alone." Soon after that she got me alone in her car and stated that story about harassment while dealing with the syndicate. She then turned around in the next sentence and asked me "Do you think you might have a mild case of what Danny has?" (My bio dad is allegedly schizophrenic, only after he went around blabbing about my mother and her family being involved in a secret CIA/military project, which of course is exactly what MK Ultra/ radiation experiments were. She is a documented survivor of the radiation experiments. They targeted him as far a I am concerned).

If my grandfather was right and mother was hiding up to $100,000 under my name, this may have put up a red flag to the feds doing the investigation of my circle of associates. She had to cover her ass and I suspect one of the things she'd try would be to appear she's protecting me when really she is covering her ass for hiding money under my name. I can hear her now claiming I dont understand which of course was true but only becuz she always kept me in the dark about things. It may be that she herself started the idea that I was autistic or had a disability intellectually to again put herself in a power position so that I was never subpoenaed. This was probably to cover for my eccentric behavior in general where, its just better for her to cover the whole thing as it would lead to the family looking like screw ups, which they are for me turning out the way I did and also if she is conscious of being a mind control handler on some level it would be her duty to cover for any involvement of myself, herself and the family. I recall as a little kid her driving me to psychiatrists offices and making me close my eyes so I couldnt see the route there or back home again. She definitely was up to something.
During this time of the federal investigation and harassment turning 24/7, I was also deprogramming. I started to
recall memories of childhood and ask questions. She must have known I was deprogramming or something was up. In the car driving she screamed at me "I WILL NOT BE CONDEMED BY YOU!!

The guy in El Paso TX who asked me the second time about George Bush belonged to a well to do Mexican family of Jewish decent that ran Dama La Mano homeless shelter. They let me stay there even though I was not pregnant. One day his mother explained my situation to someone in Spanish by saying basically that my mother was too restrictive which was the sole cause of all my behavior.
This indicates to me that the perps use her treatment of me to cover up for what is really going on. Much the same was as the other cover story used here mostly, that my ex Jake had me driven crazy.

My mother also had pedo scum hanging around who she probably could not say no to and again these were people involved in law enforcement who know damn well the psychological make up of women like her from families like hers. This Roxbury bailiff named Rudy who frequented her bar at night used to come over and give me undo attention. He wrote this stupid letter once about the gates to one's body, like the mouth gate etc and then ended with a message that pretty much sounded like 'dont become a whore'. (My mother was often in contact with men who seemed to want to control women in this way. Her gyn that did my unnecessarily severe surgery at 16 for endometriosis was also very controlling about my sexuality.As usual you can guess that I was not going to let men tell me what to do unlike her.)
This bailiff used to take me home to his place to babysit. I recall I was sick one night with a fever and all he could say was "You women are never satisfied" and he was serious. As if I was a grown adult, I was like 7. When he started to come over with gifts it creeped her out. One of my worst memories is him buying me a 14 k gold chain and her letting him drive me back to the foster home in Wayland. Its strange becuz she usually didnt like blacks the way my aunt surrounded herself with nothing but blacks. My mother was much more resistant to black culture. I suppose she fell for it as we can see she had a habit of trusting anyone associated with law enforcement which I think was the only reason she trusted him. Soon after she refused to let him see me as I think she got the clue as to what he was about. Disgusting really.

Can u imagine the life insurance policy she probably as on me? She once had this chilling conversation with me about a grave plot. As usual it was very controlling. This time it was about controlling my death. She claimed that she would not give up the grave plot and despite my last wishes to be cremated she would have me buried. She often talked about it as if it was going to happen someday soon. "Where would we go to visit you?" (if I did not have a grave plot). At least I am free of those morons in my family. She has since taken my grandmother hostage and who knows what she will do when she is gone.

The system beat her down until one day she turned to me and said "You just get tired of fighting". Ok so become an activist or suicide but dont leave yourself open to being manipulated into doing thier dirty work for them. When you get tired of fighting you must then have some safe haven to block thier entry or snuff it as the final show of resistance- and make sure you put blood on people's hands before you do.

The main thing that really creeps me out about her is her dedication to that family. When she said "Dont make waves" or "Dont go up against the family" she said it as if she would be willing to murder anyone that did. What is in her past, her programming perhaps that causes her such tight connection with her main perpetrators? There are some very sick and traumatic things they can do with RA that could cause a person to bond that tightly to a family of perps like that, so there is no reasoning with a person like that. She's not a reasonable person becuz those actions and urges are based in trauma, as in trauma based mind control.