daddy's castle

In Radio Shack near B.U. this morning. Had to get some things. Of course the tall skinny Nordic/WASPy kid who I guess manages the place had to attend, as if the African American gentleman couldnt handle me. Have I ever been a thief or robbed anyone? I would loove to know more about my own smear campaign..i have been made out to be a monster.

Moreso its what my friends say when they make fun of these idiots involved. They tell me that I am 'from the street ' so I am suspect to begin with. And they have made hysterical commemtary about how these kids hate me becuz just the way I am threatens 'daddy's castle'...then these rich kids get old enough and they realize "its their castle to protect."

Actually, from what I know its these kids parents who are the big time real criminals in this country--who do they think they are fooling? How much longer do you think you can use people like me as diversion?


Was in Lexington, MA last nite. Hotel aquired cheaply. Got hit hard, tired today. Some weird dream activity, but mostly more behavior modification. High anxiety, visions of me in cubicle job while being told repeatedly to 'keep your head down'...i saw myself more and more subjegated. There was a high pitched sound with buzzing involved and a sound like a truck or engine running outside. After the engine sound left, so did the anxiety that was torurous and the horrid visions of me as a shamed ex adultress now office worker. This has been a very big theme letely..to get me to forget all that was done to me and give up and get a 'normal' job and of course conform. To become a mindless drone I assume. There is a definite use of shaming-intensely. I am heavily sexually targeted at night mostly. Last evening it was so bad suicide ideation returned heavily. I actually was so mind and personality wiped that I told a cab driver I was being gangstalked and its my policy to never talk about this with non targets. It would seem all my resistance is being broken down.
It must be a bummer for them that some of us actually can tell we are being targeted. How many idiots out there just go to the medical industrial complex and whine they need pills?
A nurse who knew actually aked me if I wanted anti depressants-so did my shrink(she almsot jumped out of her chair trying to get me to cmply)...uuhh, I have seen people who I believe are most likel;y targeted perhaps deprogramming people I do not knopw for sure, but too many people out there end up killing someon then themselves becuz of taking anti depressants...
ARROGANCE 101: YOU ARE HELPING THE A-HOLES TO TARGET ME BY NOT BEING HONEST WITH ME ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME AND TELLING ME WHAT YOU KNOW AND YOU WANT ME TO TAKE PSYCH MEDS FOR DEPRESSION BECUZ I AM BEING TARGETED AND GANGSTALKED....uhh, does this strike any one else as stupid? Why in the F*CK should I take drugs just becuz I am being victimized..wouldnt it make more sense to stop the victimization?
Promising, isnt it?? (or should I say PROMIS-ing..wink wink nudge nudge say-no-more!)
As I waited for a cab in Arlington center a cop sure enough rolled past me in opposite direction and then of course parks right at the cab stand and asks me if I need any help....its a CAB STAND! There is a sign that say s"No standing taxi stand"...why in the f*ck do you think I am here? These tactics are the same as before I left this region and outside of Boston they have not picked up speed. Perhaps this is thier regional style or at least the style outside metro Boston. Of course there was other activity on the same corner but its all bullshit-decoys, counterpoint- all of it.
If you think this sounds paranoid, you havent been gangstalked/psy opt for 12 years.

You have to remember the people doing this are exactly like possessive abusive partners, for any of you who know what thats like.
They want to keep tabs on you 24/7, control what you do, influence your decisions, break your will, they seem to lay off when you are really ill, like if you have a bad case of flu or something...remind you of anyone you know? Yes, every abuser you have ever known. This is why my grandmother and even my mother are so into health but not studying it andwanting to improve it. They seem to focus on illness, my mother told me once its becuz it made other family members lay off the abusivness. I , myself, have experienced this to be true among my bio-family. When you are sick you get a reprieve, a vacation from controlling tactics and abuse. It seems the 'gangstalking' system functions like I said , resembling a possesive abusers behavior. Actually there are some abusers who will abuse even or especially when you are sick.

The people doing this have a sick sense of possession over me. I can tell their mind set is that this behavior modification is some act of love on thier part...that I will be happier as a subservient female and a non artist/ non thinking person.
Perhaps I simply know too much already and they consider this to be a 'humane' alternative to death.
They are mistaken. NON LETHAL WEAPONDRY IS LETHAL OVER THE LONG TERM AND THIS INCLUDES ANY PSY OPS TO "WIN THJE HEARTS AND MINDS OF THE ENEMY"

I PROTEST THESE ACTIONS AGAINT ME AND STATE THAT CITIZENS SHOULD NOT BE SUBJETED TO BEHAIOR MODIFICSATION AS A WAY OF COVERING CRIMES AGAINST THOSE CITIZENS.

I would have prefered death a long time ago compared to the complete destruction of who I thought I was as a person and the kinowledge in my DNA given to me by my ancestors which is my birth right.
No one has the right ot interfere with who I was, who I was going to be and what I wanted out of life. I have been given options for a future that are so limited that DEATH IS PREFERABLE.

A perp in AZ long ago came up to me on the railroad tracks and basically told me outright that I was only allowed to grow very conditionally. I guess this is what he meant.
\I have tried to write and tell me story multiple times and always I am silenced and my efforts interfered with.

Hopefully , psy ops and censorship will not make it into the coming era. I read an article of this opinion from India yesterday-have no time now to link look it up if you want to.

Often blogging in a hurry--wish this could be set up more impessively thus more persuasive as I'd like. seems they always get thier way, dont they?

Beware of Stolckholm syndrome...its what gets many a target to turn to thier side..thus thier "winning hearts etc" bullshit line..this is old fashioned INTIMIDATION plain and simple.
These assholes are ruining lives and people
s minds by what they are doing to human beings.

But what is a few sacrifices to retain your way of life?

You have no idea what you are doing.

How long do you think this human sacrifice type system can continue to feed yo need?

Not enough information on expendable mc slaves

I have read mostly all the material alleged about mind control projects and programming, been reading up on it since mid 90's...which is why I am still walking around after I was slammed with 24/7 targeting. I suspected why I was targeted all along. Perhaps my reading up on the subject is what get me targeted so heavily..who knows.

I have read about higher level programmed persons with a life long purpose and expendables who are allegedly killed when they are just infants but what of expendables who are programmed to commit suicide at a certain age? There is hardly any advice or information out there concerning this population of survivors. It seems from experience that this population of alleged survivors needs the most support due to the fact that if you do not expire as planned and you wake up you will be harassed constantly until you have no life and want to commit suicide anyway.

Why isn't there at least advice about how to stay alive? Especially if u have limited resources and they are really trying to silence you..

you would not believe the complete lacck of sympathy survivors get. People from the beginning of your ordeal say things like its not hurting you or you can take it just to minimize what is happening. Most people involved in this seem so ameture...they seem to not reallly understatnd programmed people tot he point where they believe we forget everything that happens to us that is truamatic, that we dont feel as others do or that we are some sort of pool of healing energy that can take all this abuse ..some are so in teh dark that they believe us stupid...(hmph-hysterical, isnt it?).

Now I know why you should obey suicide programming..becuz its meant to protect you. If you do not, these horrid non feeling idiots will get their hands on you and torture you mercelessly until you decide them and thier world is just too ridiculous to deal with anymore. You end up being so miserable and without a hope in the world anyway, you commit suicide anyway, so why not die innocent and 'whole' and protected at least.

In the beginning you believe you are doing something courageous and good as you fight suicide programming but eventually you realize you have been so marginalized from society and lots of people seem to know but everyone just goes along with the harassment and handling of you, that life really isnt worth living anyway.
You will never be seen as heroic you will never be left alone you will never get to express yourself artistically and years of 'gangstalking'(psy ops, whatever u describe it as) will ruin whatever talents u had anyway becuz creativity takes feeling safe or some level of trust.

Whats most sad is most people seem to be very into helping to destroy a mind control survivor.
You would not believe the cruelty involved in this process. Most cruel is the daily denial of what is happening. You start to see humans for what they really are..that so many people are deceptive and that beauty and goodness are all illusions..there is some but most people are cowards. Humans are vile, ugly disgusting creatures who are totally full of shit most of the time.

I mean,I knew this already but to have such people have constant superior knowledge of my life and situation, for me to have the power or control over my own life so severely limited and for the major nobodies of the world to have power over my life ..its just too much.
The people who will help harass and handle u daily are people who are not even half as smart as you nor talented. They are not as attractive nor graceful or strong.
Its like being handed over to the worlds worst and most unbefitting foster family ever and asking "when can i go home and be among MY equals?" ..of course this helps make u suicidal becuz u r constantly bored and this causes more frustration.

Of course if you try to go to college they will stand in your way like they did to me. If you need help you will receive negligence, which is a popular passive end to the harassment. Professionals not doing there jobs is something I have experienced my whole life and it is the way a life long Target will be treated.
All your life you notice how you are treated with this attitude like your never going to be anything anyway...which never made any sense to me considering my talents abilities and test scores.

These people are so f*ckin sure of themselves and thier little enslavement system of oppression.

If anything happens to me, make sure you make thier lives very difficult, increasingly as things go down the drain with the coming turbulent times. If this is their idea of order then create ultimate disorder.

All I know is I am a human being and an American citizen and I have been treated horribly and no one is saying anything or advocating for me. Too many people are actually enjoying watching me slowly die off.
Lets make the new world very uncomfortable for them..by getting rid of all secrecy and sharing all the info we can..not so thier networks can have superior knowledge over US constantly but so we may be, and make others fully aware of them.

I want my life and its continued ruination to came to them at a cost. Too long the mind control ensvlavers have gotten of easily by providing pretty bodies and faces with highly intel minds and fiercely creative forces hidden beneath the surface and just tossed people away when its 'time'.

You would not believe the sh*t they will try to get rid of someone.

All in all the human race is quite disappointing and now I know exactly why one is programmed in fantasy-like sequences to off oneself mindlessly, or else 30 something year old post hypnotic suggestions..

Is it really that important that I die? or am denied any kind of life? That I be kept away from teh arts or even access to my own mind or the power my looks and youth could have brought? Why must everything always be THIERS? What the fuck is this..sharecropping? I simply rent what i do not own, work it like a slave and end up kicked off what i thought was mine anyway?

This whole thing is ridiculous. All I can say is I want to tell my story so other survivors with more resources can have a chance and then I am outta here and everyone who thinks they are sooooo much better than me can have thier stupid fuckin world.

I do not know aht has happened to me , all I know is ther are a bunch of peasants and rogues who seem to have more knowledge of my life than I do..and that is enough to cause any self respecting person to want to die.

Privacy has become the new luxury. Without privacy in general I wouldnt want to live here anyway. Its going to be a horrible future.

Perhaps just for me and other scapegoats everyone depends on to make them feel better about themselves.
In a changing world like now, compassion is out the window. People just cant afford it. Also the public is thoroughly managed..but dont tell them that, they are busy focusing on the next sick diversion to get away from that fact.

FREEDOM HAS NO VALUE FOR THEM. It means nothing. Total house slave mentality.



Oh, something else.
There was a radio show on recently and it was some welll behaved journalist interviewing someone from the CIA...I am not convinced that is who is behind my targeting or anyone elses, but if you were to gvetr someone on a terrorist list by bogus means its a great way to get rid of someone, especially by harassment or psy ops. Carte blanche for behavior modification as well.
All to make sure the old mc survivor doesnt have a chance to remember anything.

The interviwer said "have innocent people been targeted?" and CIAsshole says basically that innocents isnt even an existing word in these operation that only learning and gaining knkkowledge are what matters. Can you believe this? I do not even believe people are putting up with this shit...but I do, if i think 'made mindless and obedient by fear'..thats all it takes.

Then aaallllll excuses come down, like people are getting rid of someone who threatens thier way of life, patriotism, etc etc.. really you've got alot of people I know too much about (victim witness intimidation) as well AND dont forget the public's historically proven love of a witchhunt..especially if the victim is attractive under 50 female high intel , talented, strong. Its no wonder all my perps are fat women, old women, ugly women and men who are obviously threatened.

My mother especially is going to pay for this..
"i am very interested in the way your mind works" while most likely helping to get me targeted is one of the most stomach turning phrases kept in my minds filing system. Do you have any idea how horrid it is to finally come to the realization that your own mother would sell you out for anything offered her and that basically she has been doing that your whole life?
That she most likely sold you out to some kind of human experimentation in order ultimatley to keep you quiet? I know my mother..the ultimate sense of poer she must've gotten from this is more than she deserves..yet I always experienced her as frighteningly selfish. My needs never existed....on top of what I already know I have to accept that this woman was my handler for years.

I cant take all this. Especially becuz for us, there IS no promiseland or 'peice of the pie'...things arenever going to change for us. We, the expendable are never going to be seen as real and valid people.
I mean i cannot get over the complete lack of sympathy for my situation. I live pretty much like people did during the Stasi in Germany or even the Nazi's... you cant trust anyone and worse people seem to think this situation is funny...god help them I hope they are simply so ignorant or brainwashed they simply believ me to be crazy so to them I am either attention seeking or a harmless nut.
Mostly I believe people are mean to me becuz they can get away with it. In the very beginning the perps would do alotdirested conversation, basically letting me know I had no power.
Is everyone so insensitive that they can go along with modern day slavery?

Why is everyone so..so compliant? The least anyone can do is look like they feel bad at least. The attitude really is that this whole ordeal really hasnt done me any harm..its sick!

I am not the person i was and if this is behavior modification then its imperitive that i be constantly handled that way..like nothing is wrong with the abuse. They WANT you to change with wha tthey are doing to you and the best way to get you to accept it is to make you believe everyone else does to. That is whay its soooo important to handle the target with smiles and relaxed attitudeds towards abuse of the target.

Most people dont want to see me be an artist anyway or smart or pretty or..go forbid genuinly happy. They want another drone and everyone I know was probably convinced this program of behavior modification would be best anyway...uh, especially those people who helped screw me over and/or owe me for wrong doing.

I remember in 2005 while comiing back into Boston after a nationwide bus trip to escape Scott's grasp, a perp cop (msireading train info right off the wall and claiming he was correct, not I , even though anyone could plainly see he was incorrect--a perp , beleive me.) he screamed at me out of nowhere "NO MORE ALIBIS"and his body language was very animated when he said it. His pionted finger went down to the floor direction as he shouted (is his uncontrolled temper why he polices the MBTA commuter rail in Providence RI instead of a proper beat, or is it more perp favors for an easy gig? who knows how the cops work and who cares.)

This comment has mystified me and still does to this day. Was I the one in my crowd dealing drugs? No. Was I the true career criminal? No. Was I the pedophile who escaped justice even fromn his own family (thru mc tactics of course)..No. Was I the trust fund kid abusing the system? No.
Was I not simply trying to wake up, grow up and find out who and what I was? Was I not going to therapists and a pcychologist asking for help? Had I not improved my life over time always striving for better results?(..minus outside interference of course..). Was I not a lifelong victim but still refused to give up and climb onto the heap of bodies like they expect a victim to do?
Alibis for what? Isnt it my lifelong abusers and handlers who derserve to be called on their 'alibis'? How about all the people who helped fuck me over but got rewarded? What about the way I have been treated from coast to coast by medical staff, security guards and corrupt police as well?
HE is the one for which there are no more aliblis...ESPECIALLY the corrupt authority in my local hometown area...for him and others like him there are no more aliblis..

You know the great thing about being programmed is that time is irrelevant. It lives forever...time is going on right now, the past is ever valid and the future is many possibilities that in theory have happened allready. None of it really matters in the true big picture.
So he can live in that train station..forever and ever and ever and ever. Day after day his little personal Hell will be me running over in my mind him saying that to me. He will live there forever, my captive. Becuz be very very sure, on that day in that moment I was certainly his.

And its more than he deserved.

Maybe he should go after the real criminals..you know the ones who all seem to enjoy on thier agreement to have me targeted.

These people and thier little keystones can go f*ck themselves.

I will never forget or forgive that comment or any other like it..and ...there....are..many.

A friend tries to comfort me often by making fun of the blue collar end of the harassment, "thier little army" he says. Or he'll tell me the crowd who initiated the harassment isnt around anymore..I know, they probably all got rewarded with jobs, grants, gigs , new trucks and shit and left town for some great life.
What crowd? This is intergenerational targeting, its been life long and its been since 1996, not 2003...ah, but a cover story is always good to hid the real reasons someone is targeted.

Well, if $10, 000 in an envelope is accurate, you've wasted yer money becuz I have been targeted all my life anyway. Typical, that they'd want to make an extra buck off some fools who they were using for a cover story they needed anyway. Once again the comedy is endless when one looks at how these jerks suck EVERYONE into their scam...the originally planned Target as well as people who have to comply to cover thier asses or who want to profit off anything they can anyway. So stupid.
Who the f*ck thought I would fall for this?

Can you beleive my family actually tried to get me to COME HOME? After what they did to me and how am hip to what this is all about you'd think they wouldnt want me IN the damn house. Uh, dont you think I'll be just a tad PISSED OFF and not into being well behaved and mind controlled? This is the kind of arrogant shit that totally helped me wake up...come home to what? A purposefully anti-intellectual envirment where I get disrespected daily by people related to me by blood and their annoyingly interferring spouses? I can get perped out here by strangers thank you very much. And i can say to myself "its not personal, they are getting something off a stranger"..so fuck them basically.

If I die out here, it will be 100% better than being in the clutches of my stupid annoying mind controlling family who deserves no respect from anyone at all besides what they probably pull out of people via fear through thier connections. Example: the mail man comes to my family home's door. He interacts with a family member. This said postman behaves in a way in which is obvious to me looking in from side room that indicates he does not respect her at all.

I will not be part of that. Why? becuz they perps are going to have to disrespect me all on thier own. Remember they love slander. Why was it of such great import to keep trying to suggest I go home to grandma along my travels months ago?(though often these were people who should have never had access to information about the existence of family members especially specific ones - becuz my internal system made sure only certain factions had certain information-duh)
becuz one of thier great excuses is that the whole family is fucked up, i am sure. The perps who hide pride themselves on keeping up a good front. If i died do you realize how easy it would be to paint it that way?
Why make it easy on them? They do not make it easy on me. And who would send you back to an abusive unhealthy enviroment anyway? perps that's who.

Remember alot of what they pull is soooo 19whatever and shouldnt even fit into a globalized world with access to an info superhighway. Its so..'50's. The 'problem child'. The screwed up family down the street..does anybody still fall for this shit anymore? are we as a nation still so unsophisticated? well, i just came from the midwest and it a yes all around. It doesnt matter, gangstalking happens worldwide and moving doesnt help. I'm sure if I moved to a culture most suited to me and tolerant of my ways the perps would still find some way to make a paradise uncomfortable, becuz remember the perps are the ultimate spoilt brats.
They want their way and they get it all the time. The law is on thier side and there are no consequences for their actions...only rewards. This is one of the reasons they come across to Targets as so f*cked up. They are the most enabled f*cked up people on the planet. This is utilized dysfunction at its best and as long as they exist thier will only be temporary illusions of peace on earth or any other such pipe dream. We will never heal the earth or its people as long as these fuckers serve to keep wounds open and keep everyone in fear.
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Fuck them....fuck them and fight until you die.


Something tells me not to give up..just as I am about to, often these days. It gives me false promise of revenge and setting the balance back to where it was-where it belongs again.

Its foolish to believe such things.