Suicide ideations as of last night/Boston style torture

As usual Boston is up to its same old tricks again with its predictable style of use of tech (or psychics) For anyone who's been targeted long enough, you know what I am referring to.

All of yesterday and hte evening 'feeling bad' became suicide ideations very badly at the end of the evening. I started to look up ways to go and called someone for help, but he didnt quiet get how bad it was so I hung up, texted him to f*ck off and went into shut down mode for protection. Baton down the hatches and all that. He later got it that it was a bad one. A bad hit or day for being 'hit'. But I went into shut down so turned off the phone for hours and just suffered. It was the typical bs when I stay here, much bringing up or activating emotions within hte heart area that are from years of being targeted, betrayed and harassed. Many of these weapons can change a TI's emotional state or induce emotion.

The heat did not help but it wasnt the main reason. I was being forced into writing a post on my blog to either incriminate myself or discredit myself moreso than my claims probably already have to the uneducated, ignorant of the existence and capacity of these technologies.
Not everyone who is watching this go down I am sure is as uninformed or stupid. I can sense it. Or sense them I should say.

I resisted all torture in attempts to force my hand to write such material and suffered until I seriously contemplated suicide in that time, that evening.

As usual the only thing that stops this is me telling myself that I am obligated to write my book first before I commit suicide.

As of later in the evening my condition improved, especially after I started looking up things on the internet about suicide and alerted my friends in differing areas of the country of what was happening.

As of today my concentration has returned and I am not experiencing any emotional anquish or torture. As usual in this area when 'they' go too far and someone sees me in agony such as a few years ago when I was being so heavily tortured out in public that it would become so obvious I was in pain that an ambulance would go by, take a look at me, make a call and it would subside, also one instance an African appearing black woman in her car made a call after geting close to me to give me change and see how bad it was. I could hear the content was pertaining to the fact that it was too much, whatever was being done and to lay off basically. The emotional agony and torture in general subsided.
I have also experienced a white older couple in Kenmore sq approaching me panhandling a few years ago when the torture here was very bad, and the female stated "I dont think she can take it today".
This is the typical style in Boston where there seems to be the ability to heavily target someone with emotional torture so great that suicide and pain beyond belief can be present. There is also, in many instances, a checking system that seems to keep an eye on how bad the TI is doing. If you appear tortured so that its becoming obvious, its stopped. Probably due to some rules concerning torture in the US then or now, and/or that they dont want anyone to see whats going on, like typical abusers.

These circumstances match up with testimonies and the way Gitmo was run and other torture prisons and situations where the US has used torture since Bush and the war. I have experienced that much of what is claimed to be done at prison camps or torture camps can be done in public spaces with tech, helicopters, cars or live in person human forces for psychological warfare and interrogation.

I have experienced this to be the case since 2003 or so.

Also it seems that the worst of the torture was to break people down and now its mostly hoped that the target will be enslaved in said system and be manageable- thus managed by the same system. Heavy torture seems to be less necessary now unless something is wanted from the TI such as trying to force my hand to write last night. This morning I realized WHY the system most likely wanted this outcome. I will not disclose why at this time. Trust me. They had good reason.