I'm so upset. I've spent 7 months of torture staying in someones apartment with my partner because we fight and hes upset all the time. I wake up scared in the morning due to something causing fear, I have constant earworms which are maddening (ear worms are parts of songs that repeat over and over again. Ive had them since I had a post and temp tooth put into the front of my mouth at a dental teaching school in Boston. They only affect me in certain locations and they go away on federal holidays) and there's a constant general bad feeling ever since the host turned on the Internet router in this small apartment.
When router is off it's better but not 100%.
However after catching some viruses on computer when a major company was doing remote work to ensure it was fixed, there's a good feeling and a feeling of freedom, normalcy and of not being afraid or tormented. Even good health. (As I've said before on federal holidays these effects disappear and the world feels like it did circa 1980s).
As the person from the company disconnected soon returned the perception of the world outside as a very big overwhelming place that cannot be navigated, the idea of giving up my work and even trying to have a life, the idea that I'm old and Old Peoples Lives Don't Matter so I should just go quietly and that I'm not even a person. It's a sickly feeling and there's a lot of isolation. Its.... uncomfortable. Even pain in bones returned.
The theory here is clear I don't need to spell it out.
It seems there's been so much progress in technology and these devices surround us and have become a normalized part of our lives. It may be truly dangerous to not work for technology companies and keep in line.
I feel very silly because after all I have written about and experienced since after 9/11 and traveling i should have been more aware and been more realistic.
Yet I have an habit of compartmentalizing therefore disregard the dangers.
It's also where I live. With new people in office things aren't as good as they once were for me.
What's going to happen to the humans who don't want technology and get left behind? Surely the way we live now isn't natural and it certainly is unhealthy due to electromagnetic pollution and now 5g forcing the cutting down of trees. For some of us modern convenience has become a prison or a torture chamber.
Maybe it's taught me something..that I need to have more hope again and I also need to extert more Willpower and remember how I feel when things like this happen and when there's federal holidays where I feel totally normal again like pre 90s.
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