I know its very hard for outsiders to understand my anger and my 'bad attitude'. Its easier to believe the stories about my being this way to begin with so deserve any harassment I got anyway or that I am making this all up either due to attention seeking or due to being mentally ill.
The only thing I have is my story which, unlike many Targeted Individuals, shows exactly why I am targeted to begin with. I am confident that once that expose or whatever it will come out as is finally brought into existence, that not only will I be free to go on with my life but people who are interested or disbelieve can finally see that there are some TI's and people alleging being mind control project survivors who have cases that are much easier to believe. I found this article about an RA Survivor who was found to be a hoax. I am glad that there are people who investigate these things. I personally would never be afraid of being put under such scrutiny. Every person testifying at the President's Advisory Committee in '95 claimed life long harassment just as my mother and myself had experienced all our lives. They also claimed that many of them were used in both mind control and radiation experimentation, and its obvious that since Helms destroyed the files, there are powerful entities still hiding something.
Its easy to make someone like me out to be just crazy. But one has to understand that alot of work goes into smear campaigns. It must cost them exuberant amounts of money. But that is nothing compared to how much theyd have to pay out if EVERY person connected to these once classified experiments realized the reality of their situations, much less the ruination of many universities, private sector companies and parts of the US govt itself. Its worth it to them to silence a mother and daughter (especially the daughter it seems) who are smart and bold enough to question or demand answers or restitution. Its easier to intimidate my mother, harass her till she cant take anymore and then bribe her during Bush when she too gave into hate as a last final measure for survival.
My mother believed that I was being harassed,she claims to have believed it was part of the federal investigation around friends of my friend in Boston. I dont know if I believe my mother due to her being so evil and deceptive at times and very competitive with me. But lets say shes telling the truth on that one, it seems that when I returned from my first road trip, and I was harassed across the US by gang stalking perps, I was approached with my mother by a perp in a store we were in. He approached me to basically let me know that I was still being watched by the same people as on those buses, by saying "Oh dont you remember me, I work in a lab at such and such (midwestern university) etc etc. The mind fuck was that he was an ugly well dressed creepy, stressed black male and the man whos story he was reciting I had met on a bus in Iowa somewhere. It was the beginning of me understanding that the gang stalkers want you to know that you are being watched and THEY are in control at all times--over YOU. (WhatEVER)... I told my mother about the man and what he had done. She, for the first time in my life, looked truly scared by a situation she couldnt control.
I did not understand this. She always tried to claim she was so tough and always was mean to me as a kid, mocking me that I was "fragile" and all this bullshit to show off to her new husband etc. Well, it seemed that whoever programmed me made sure that a part of me was pure steal and by nature, I inherited some DNA that made me not understand fear. Either that or I was trained not to. I couldnt understand why she was afraid. This was a progressing mystery and mysteries are problems that must be solved. Perps are simply clues and if the dumbasses want to present themselves to me, I must then hunt THEM down. Why cant anyone understand that? It seems the perps were always perplexed at my lack of fear or being intimidated or simply seeing them as parts to a bigger mystery that needed exposing and investigation. What the f*ck did they expect? This is why I believe there was a faction that didnt know alot about programmed people that was part of the gang stalking. They often seemed perplexed by things that programmed people would find elementary about themselves..such as the psychic phenomena. To a programmed person, Theta is just the way it is. The danger in this I am sure is that you may be accessed by other parties so, even though its not fair I can understand them having to rip our wiring out to protect the world at large. I believe there was a time where a theory was being played out that one could 'hack' into Theta strong people and use this without thier knowledge against a Target of the Hacker's desire.
But when that creep in that Buffalo hotel said that 'they' were particularly curious as to why I can go against supposed premonitions, I knew that this was a faction that knew alot about the world of man and psychic phenomena and also seemed to have some dominion over influencing mankind's psychic world in daily life, however, they didnt seem to know everything about programmed people. I had been experiencing some outside parties doing human experimentation and interfacing back in Littleton MA in 1990. It could have been military as the base in Ayer was still open then but Lincoln labs isnt far away either. Strange things, and of course strange men showing up at my convenience store job as usual.
This was a time when I was blossoming psychically. I found one instance I said something to a man without using my mouth just my mind and he heard it. I was at the stage where I was just coming out, growing and I was starting to hate stupid people and non psychic persons. The weaker ones.
I found that there was many instances of testing my psychic ability through dreams. What was difficult was the culture we live in does not give advice on how to deal with these things. I got tired of seeing an excerpt of the next day's events, like taking a bit out of a film out of context so it makes no sense, and experiencing it then in full the next day. Before the moment of what I believe is called synchronicity, there is a sensation that always reminded me of..in the old days we had cassette tapes. We used to play with them and experiment. If you take two tapes of the same song and try to get them in time, there is a moment where the songs start to sound like they are 'peaking' towards an exact synch in time with each other. This sounds like an airplane going overhead. Stoned teenagers used to do this shit before computers. Anyway, after the songs synch out of time, it sounds like an airplane finishing passing overhead. That moment before the synch up in perfect time..that is what these moments felt like. And I could not take that intensity in this culture that denies, punishes, hides, discourages and destroys psychics and to an extent artists. I was just a kid with lots of other issues and of course not realizing I was targeted, couldnt take all that pressure. I always would return to drug use. It stopped the psychic phenomena. I am sure nowadays that is the purpose of psych meds but they dont tell anyone that and nowadays there is so much mass mind control they can morph healthy psychics into sick fucks rather easily it seems. Its a very sad world we now live in. No one is really living actually. I at least in the old days experienced life when we were civilized but also still had contact with our Natural selves. I feel sad for kids today..maybe we can return to that. If they dont force us into space or underground first.
I was also conveniently shown strong drug dreams to steer me in that direction. This is why I am so suspect of NA after what the jerks in there did to me. They must have a faction in there that knows damn well how many mind controlled slaves get clean and start to deprogram due to finally beating a part of their very self destructive drug taking programming and now the process must be handled. And it is true in my experience- many times drug addictions are part of programming. Believe it. When I was a little small girl, a boy came up to me on a swing in a playground. He asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up: I said I wanted to be a prostitute. He gave me a quarter and it was insulting. Probably a perp kid just like the kids that they have perp adult TI's now.
What kind of an answer is that for a little girl to come out with? A prophetic one. Becuz that is what was being programmed into me at that foster home and other places as well. Also, I recall that addiction to herion was also pre concieved in my mind and it was a recurring 'fantasy' at an early age. Why would I want such a thing, or either of those things? Becuz these things are programmed into mind controlled slaves at infancy. The mistake that people make is to see a person with MPD and DID or a 'mind controlled slave' as exclusively that. We are people like everyone else in here you know, in fact we are usually extremely highly intelligent people, with psychic abilities, multi talented and often athletic and attractive. The programmers dont fuck around. They get results. I also believe that they do things like manipulate relationships to get certain DNA together a sort of selective breeding program. Just as they do royals or other people they desire certain qualities in for the future. Its no accident that my parents met in Harvard Sq I am now convinced. His brains with her shape with her looks and his athleticism, both talented artists both rebellious. I now believe they wanted those qualities.
There may be many layers of programming within a slave's mind but there is a person in there as well. A person who is never allowed to be at the helm of thier own body. There is certainly a personaltiy but the true spiritual being comes to surface when deprogramming. Its very very sad that this system feels the need to then hunt the Survivor down like a runaway slave at this juncture and destroy what true Self they had preserved a lifetime. Its like being robbed of your retirement savings youve been saving all your life and now, yer too old to start again. That is why its so ridiculous when people in on this say things to me like "Oh youll have to start all over again" after what happened in Boston during Bush.
They dont understand its a cover story. What the Survivor has been robbed of is a precious life energy that cannot be replaced. Really the way this system is set up they really steal yer soul energy. You may have some spirit left, which is why I am still around due to spirit and heart but my soul has been lifted from me. People do not want to believe that RA is real. And despite all the publicity about Ritual Abuse being skulls and devils and blood drinking etc, RA is most damaging in what is done to one spiritually. The catch 22 or irony is that one might be able to actually recover from memories of RA say before the age of 6 as in my case as well as a lifetime of abuse and slavery. But when you are trying to heal from a 'hard life' as it would be known, these forces come after you...this faction that is huge nationwide and involves unbelievable things. THAT is what is devastating. Its not normal. NO ONE could describe to you what I or other Targeted Survivors have been through. It goes beyond fear. Its the ripping out of the soul. It leaves one ungrounded- insane. That is why so many people go insane from this, and why so many people would rather die by a lone shooting. Sadly it might be the only contact with people that they find meaningful at the end of thier lives. To shoot you is all that is left in such a tortured mind, such a human robbed of their soul, as to touching you. They are angry at humanity for abandoning them, as you have no idea just how abandoned a Targeted Survivor becomes. Why do you think people do such violent things? Its not always mental illness. What you want to call 'evil' exists in this world and its very systematic. I guess people like me, having some familiarity with such 'evil' arent really phased by its presence, in fact, I can be pretty evil myself if need be. I have no problem destroying. I am simply programmed with both positive and negative forces as to make me balanced.
But programming is not all that exists in a human being. What is so devastating about gang stalking is that is seems to seek to destroy all that IS concerning the existence of an earthly person or a person in society. The personality that was that person. It seeks to bring forth just programming, and make that the sole identity of that human being. Which I dont understand. I really dont.
My mother, though I hate her for her evil side, is just as compartmentalized as myself if not moreso. My mother switching up SIDES to her conscious personality was never odd to me. It was just the way she was. But I could see that, once this mammoth creature landed in our lives, the gang stalking system, this was bigger than she could handle. The look on her face putting groceries in that trunk when I told her about the man in the store. I even pointed to him when he drove off in his expensive jacked up Hummer- of course he waved at me for perp effect. She saw this- it scared her. She finally reached her limit I guess.
I was never scared of these people. To me, they intruders and must he hunted down. They destroy programming, they interfered with my family and destroyed my relationship with my lover or at least used him against me when it was over and destroyed what was left of my close female relationship with a long time friend. Why no one else seems to perceive them this way I dont understand. And they use tactics that are extremely sneaky and the most arrogant, blatant abuse of power I have ever seen or heard of in my life. Which is why no one believes these stories TIs tell and why they frighten people into silence and compliance.
But all it would take is for every person who saw it to stand up in revolt. To really go after them in kind. And I wont get into it but lets just say its a real Italian, Lithuanian wet dream of violence, stealth and deception to outmatch thier own. One thing about gang stalkers you have to understand is that they may be considered PSYCHOLOGICAL TERRORISTS but in the brute form of the word Terrorist, they dont have the balls, the aggression, the ingenuity, the quick thinking nor the grit to be true fighters. Those of us they target, many of us could wipe the floor with them if joined forces and really get Platoon on thier asses. Bones hung every where, blood of the enemies all that primitive war shit one starts to feel come out after years of this. When the inner warrior from whatever DNA emerges. Hey, they asked for it didnt they?
Most of them depend on what seems like large financial resources to carry them and cover thier asses. They drive extremely expensive vehicles not only to eventually get you to join but to intimidate you into understanding that this is POWER you are up against, govt and private sector POWER and you should stand down. Of course to a real warrior, this means that their hides or heads as trophies are simply more valuable on yer wall as well as its more fun to tell that kind of power to FUCK OFF in the long run. And really if they are so powerful, why are they picking on such poor people with such hard lives? There is something very un-noble about the gang stalkers. Something that makes you want to rob them of their money and power becuz they dont deserve it. They are arrogant assholes from the castle in the middle of the feudal system kingdom and, now that they have come down to harass a few peasants, why not then follow them back to the castle and take thier shit? Leave them dead in thier beds and rob that motherfucker of all its booty. Hey, maybe they shouldnt have come down here then eh?
Lets follow them home and see what they got to take. And from what I have seen these fuckers can afford multiple law suits. They are dripping with money. I have never seen so many jacked up Hummers. Its more money than I think many people will ever see in thier lives. One Hummer looked like a house and didnt seem road legal. And who rents an entire Greyhound bus? Who has that kind of money and access? Who can HIRE human beings to HIRE an entire Greyhound bus and pay those people to Target another human being in a democracy with human and civil rights laws? Where the perpetrators are so paid well that they have sunken into a complacency where they describe the person as a Target right in front of them to thier girlfriend who feels a bit of human sympathy? WHO HAS THAT MUCH MONEY AND POWER??? WHO?
Whoever they are, we need to terrorist thier asses. They have money, access, nice vehicles and lots of nice tech toys. They are weak assholes and without thier cars, mobs or technology are weak, easily beaten human beings who we SHOULD counter. That is the sole purpose of mind control of a Target through tech. So that we DO NOT learn thier game and come after THEM becuz I believe many of us have superior ability as warriors and hey, call us terrorists in this particular situation. Which is also why there are so many ways now to ensure there are no revolts among the American public, not serious ones. Becuz the gang stalkers without money and tech are easily beatable by true warrior types.