MICROSOFT TRANSLATOR

DISCLAIMERS

Please be advised that this written work of mine is only THEORY. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no belief in anything posted here because if I did I would have had legal action taken by now-until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.

For years I've had here a disclaimer that says I'm often sleep deprived when posting due to my lifestyle as a houseless Traveler (and my age as well as health issues). This should be taken into consideration when viewing my posts and vids on the connected YouTube channel.

Forget David Icke..THIS Is The Secret Of How Our World Works!

Well..looks like Mr Show told the truth after all:



Saturday, May 31, 2008

CORRECTION

In regards to my post "the hidden evil goes into hiding" and the post before that where I made a mention of the post in question I have discovered that the website I originally viewed years ago as the reference I wanted to present as useful was 'Thehiddenevil's weblog '
http://thehiddenevil.wordpress.com/..

I'd like to apologize to Mark Rich becuz I have heard his name for a while around the Targeted Individuals scene. It was more an issue of my having dealt with a large number of people in a certain TI scene who seem to only require people with large incomes be included as target's and other red flags. I assumed the worst about people approaching another Target about me, that's all.

It was my first instinct to erase the mistake and fix all the blog entries in question. I know nobody wants to beleive this but I am an artist by nature and a perfectionist at that.
But I have decided to leave the mistakes becuz firstly I would be doing what the 'perps' do which is rewriting reality/history for everybody, in that 1984-ish creepy way that they do.

Also, why not illustrate a perfect example of the stress caused by being targeted? That after so many betrayals by intimates and so much psychological warfare from strangers that it wears on a person. They become conditioned to assume what is happening is just like all the horrible things that have happened before.
Even if due to sheer exhuastion and burnout I make a wrong call if you notice I will always assume the possibility that I am completely mistaken as I did on the entry in question. I try to stay logical.

I DO THIS BECUZ ALOT OF TIMES I DO NOT HAVE DIRECT EVIDENCE OR INFORMATION. Which is what all Targets should be doing.
This is why its so dangerous with people or even groups who blindly make judgements concerning exactly who is resonsible for thier targeting or that they know the exact reasons.
This makes them less credible and careless.

I beleive me being in the city of my origin has made me much more emotionally upset than I would like to admit. Everyone seems unaffected, they have good lives, people you wouldn't think should-while I suffer and am kept down in abject poverty.
I get alot of people who look like they feel bad, head hangers. That doesnt help me does it, but it is a testament to the human races overall cowardice.... or ignorance depending on what a person believes.

These people really think they are going to win.
They beleive their way of doing things is still valid. When I get perped by older people especially, you know old guys who have a beat doing security at a bank or something, and they have that insane, smug look on thier faces- something tells me that thier way of doing things is on its way out. Enjoy easy power while you can abusers....its all going to fall.
Change WILL come. Just be patient.

But again, I have to say I could be wrong...
Lets say then change should and could come then.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Hidden Evil goes into hiding

Well, I am sorry for myself and everyone who is targeted. But it seems when I honorable mention some one's sight its like I shot at them or something.

I must be the most hated Target in the world.

Anyway, days after I suggested this website, which i had been viewing for years, the TI
revamped it totally and i dont have a copy of the cached one that was full of info.

I emailed him and got an auto response saying sorry if no personal response.

Its ok, there is alot of mistrust in the Targeted community about who is an operative, a perp or an opportunist or just plain a whack job( maybe i shouldnt use that term...hmm).

Anyway, i apologise if i messed up any one's situation, but with the hack job they did on me in the arena of a certain TI activism group I can imagine the gossip or rumours(they got me real f*ckin good too, right in the beginning when i still didnt understand how it all worked).

The other factor messing up the TI community, possibly a tactic, is alot of TI's are snobs. They feel somehow that people who are 'innocents' should stick together becuz it makes the Cause look better in its appeals.


I wrote a piece on that many entries ago, concerning the fact that if victims mixed up with criminal types become Targets then it should question our justice system even more and the validity of this system of repression in general, becuz THAT IS WHY WE HAVE A JUDICIAL SYSTEM, not a lynch mob system.

The value of people with possible criminal involvement being included in the TI community would be endlessly valuable for reasons i jsut mentioned (diversity) but also would bring to light the endless possibilities for cover ups using criminal patsies and fall guys as human guinea pigs without society's questioning those actions, becuz, hey, so and so deserved it. Then of course never questioning the actions of the truly guilty criminal parties.

Alas, no one wants to think that hard. Everyone just wants it to go away.
Well, with how infiltrated the TI activism forums are(welcome to COINTELPRO type activist busting), driving out REAL targets and making other real targets confused and paranoid this bullsh*t could go on indefinitely.

But you know what...perhaps it was just time for the guy to revamp his website and the timing was dead on...

Who knows? Sorry if I brought heat on you at all.

R-

Institutionalization and crushing spirits

Modification and its Discontents:
The National Conference on Behavioral Issues in Closed Institutions.
http://www.aliciapatterson.org/APF001975/McCrea/McCrea02/McCrea02.html
EXCERPTS:
"Total institutions crush the spirit, break the spirit",argued Edward Opton. "It's in their nature to do so. This is not because wardens and guards are sadists, though some are, but because they must do so…. Total institutions are places of great pressure and strain," he continued. "The administration must use social and psychological strategies to hold them together."

Among the strategies he listed were indeterminism (holding people for an indefinite time), rewards and punishments ("the brutal treatment of a few serves as an example and an incentive to the remainder"), and "breaking the spirit and will" through "degrading initiation ceremonies, isolation from social supports, and proving to inmates that they can be made to behave as robots in the most intimate parts of their lives."

(uhh, can anyone say 'gang stalking'?)
The thing about this article is that the arrogance of the professionals involved still exists today but it is carefully hidden.
Who needs a physical setting like an institution when you can use the same methods on a subject(victim) that requires only covert activities and remote influence with technologies?

The reason the general public will NOT buy into most TI's experiences today is that we have what is percieved as a 'kinder, gentler' psychiatric community.

In reality is has become one that bribes patients with not only appears to be the legitimization of a drug culture, but by providing patients with 'goodies' they would have had to obtain illegally just years ago as part of thier overall med plan. (Take your mood stabilizer/anti-depressant..but have some Xanax too.)
I have 21 yr olds cooing to me about the wonder of the psychiatrists office-as-drug dealer..and if only one gives in to a diagnosis, any diagnosis, then one can obtain lots of 'fun' pills and such.
Its a f*ckin joke to them.
Its a druggie culture and the institutional legitimacy appeals heavily to these Reagan-era born babes i am sure.

So society is not only afraid to question the all powerful psychiatric profession at this point--they need what they are giving them. They're 'hooked'.
Then, like I mentioned there is the repackaging of the psych communtiy.. and there are no more of those horrible type of instituions they had back then..right?
Yes, but like all the rest of the corruption alot of us witnessed in the 1970's it has simply gone hidden. You treat the public with more respect to thier face now..they have the internet, they are more informed. More savvy.
But the behaviors of a small perverse group as well as the elitist attitude of an entire profession doesnt just disappear.
Use what scientific thinking you have..things dont just go away, where did it go?
Like everything else its covert now or hidden from public scrutiny.
So take your happy pills to forget about how screwed up the world is becoming and treat corruption more politley.
Its uncool to care. Its passe to fight. Just take those pills, make that money and get yourself a walled off community to live in where you can avoid it all.
Of course, so its easy to write people off then. People who dont matter and as the article mentions people who are ..inconvenient especially dont matter.

(PS:
If you want to fight the system of oppression like some of us are forced to then stop taking certain illicit drugs..
Why? Heres why. The pot you smoking nowadays is not only stronger than it was pre 1990's , it also has the effect of being able to function-which alot of people say is a good thing.
I have noticed however that it also seems to make smokers depressed and apathetic..which may sell anti depressants.
It also seems to have low THC levels- it doesnt make smokers seem to 'love thier brother' or anyone else for that matter. It seems to make people emotionally level with whatever bad they are doing.
What makes you think that the system would not infiltrate and change the structure of illegal/recreational drugs, if they could, to influence the public's mental state to something desirable to them? The technology is certainly available to do so.
Cannibis (pot)has been around too long and its far too socially acceptable. Question that.
The most disturbing thing and the most amusing was a bunch of perps, nasty ones, smoking while I was in the midwest. It was the same stupid drug culture driven, mindless us or them/ 'Yer not smoking so u r an outsider' bunch of bullsh*t.
To have people this cruel , insane and heartless smoking pot, it was so...counter-counter cultural. These assholes are destructive and seem to work for a nasty, covert part of the system that wants people repressed. And becuz they were white and all wayward rich kids it was even MORE surreal. That they would have to engage in this sort of behavior to begin with.)

Anyway, you can see from the article above that TI's are treated like they are in jail..its behavior modification and alot of us dont deserve it.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Another death

I just found this...it strikes me as credible becuz its the other boy's father sending it to post.
This one is a straight forward account, though not testimony I understand. You've got 3 people involved.

It shows how the terrorist threat is being used so unjustly against people.

They are just cleaning house at an incredible rate arent they?

Some of us they consider more fortunate.

perps let us know this by statements like 'you'll be ok" or "that one'll be ok" and other such minimizations of psychological abuse and torture.

We are to be dumbed down and our memories made saft, hazy or forgotten so we may begin new lives as conservative minded, non imaginative worker bees taking up jobs that are far beneath our natural talents.
Some of us are being cleansed, so we may 'calm down' and 'grow up' and settle down and be happy(these decisions made under torture and living under duress of course).

I'm sure pretty soon I will begin to act my age and be a 'good little woman' for some husband (aka: handler).

They think the longer they keep me from ANY kind of life that I will gladly take on the kind of live i am given.
No more imagination, intellectual pursuits, no more kink or frolicking...soon i will gladly go down to thier level.

I have probably been the most unlucky Target becuz I was beautiful, kept in abject poverty by programmers and handlers and had very inventive/creative ways of dealing with escaping the agonies of Internal torure(programming) and the External activities of organized harassment/ stalking.
So people around me had alot to exploit. Sometimes I wonder just how much the public really knows...alot just think I was some horrible 'evil woman' type who got what she deserved.
(a friend who was a still connected former criminal was even too afraid of my situation to totally disclose what was happening during the real outrageous attempts to destroy me. He said that not many people but himself know that I am basically a good kid.
He simply stated "Let's say I think you got a raw deal".

To this day I have no idea what he was talking about. )

None of the perp setups or frame ups matter.

Its all about getting rid of a person..for what ever reason.

Monday, May 19, 2008

a note on blogger

I ahve noticed that sometimes the font of my blog is different as I am writing it also whats up with the links being active and then sometimes not?
If you understand this problem let me know.

Psychological torture

Psychological punishment:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_torture


Psychology of torture:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology_of_torture


Break 'em down:
http://physiciansforhumanrights.org/library/report-2005-may.html


Effects of torture:
http://www.cvt.org/main.php/Advocacy/TortureisUn-American/EffectsofPsychologicalTorture

I could keep listing sites...whats intersesting is that I ahd viewed these before...but in the middle of the situation it seems information doesnt help stop the ongoing effects of the torture.

Just put "psychological torture" into the search engine.

But what is going to stop it or who will help the victims?

Problem is that humans are going to keep doing these things as long as they can get away with it. It keeps happening time after time in history. There must come some sort of way for the victims to defend themselves...demanding it stop is a joke.

books to read/ blogs to check out

http://www.galenpress.com/demon_doctors.html

9 excellent professions for serial killers:
http://notdirtywriter.net/?p=424

I can certainly attest to number nine. (wink).

Actual Patents of Behavior Modification.. thru tech

http://www.rense.com/general3/patent.htm


This is just someone's blog...true. So I included the search engine from the US Patent office website..go ahead. I checked most- they exist.

http://patft1.uspto.gov/netahtml/PTO/srchnum.htm


Thanx to the person who did this research.

There are many more examples. I have found some in my own research.

No it does not prove the use of these on any one individual or there use at all at this time.

BUT IT SHOWS THAT THEY POTENTIALLY EXIST.

Which should make anyone with suspicious circumstances surrounding their situation realize they are not 'crazy'....you are probably just inconvenient, or a number of other reasons.

Behavior modification is especially valuable for controlling someone who knows to much-after you destroy them as a person of course.

Its the covert warfare paraellell to Non Lethal weapons. You are now controlled and you will be given a new personality...a new life. You didnt have to be murdered, killed commit suicide or have an 'accident'.

Just like the non lethal weapon idea, its going to fall into the wrong hands, be used for corrupt purposes and crime....

Personally I would rather be dead than be 'wiped' or 'cleansed'.

So the deal is that the people who know this stuff exists run for cover when someone gets targeted and other people may have no clue at all.

So Targets are unprotected and out of luck.

Remember, a stalker's ultimate idea of 'love' is control of a person's life.

Serial killer's like to 'change' and alter people.

We are dealing with some horrible people and some of us were born into this and there doesn't seem to be a way out.

Only thier way.

(Which of course means you keep fighting, reminding yourself that what they are doing is wrong, that anything that requires such secrecy and deception must be potentially criminal and would be judged so by the public. That anyone this paranoid of exposure must know they are wrong...but alas becuz most people involved are insane/delusional they only grasp the public stopping thier behavior..they truly do not understand it as wrong or even destructive.

Keep in mind always the inconsitencies of the people in your story. The lies the deceptions..no matter how long it takes to win nor how much they offer relief from 'battle' by the attractive idea of 'forgetting it ever happened and getting on with your life.'

Your life is now forever altered.. you have been robbed some of you of your talents, life energy, health looks, even your mind.)

Anyone who has been lied to and denied there rights like most other humans..there is something wrong.

What is wrong with these actions and activities is the responsible parties are taking away the very birthright of mankind-every man(woman).
You may alter events and alter a persons circumstances but no one has a right to alter a personality or a mind..this is what humans would use to respond naturally to the altered circumstances.

Its as if Targets are dealing with serial killer types.

Friday, May 16, 2008

WARNING: Graduation week

Not alot of time, had to come to pay by minute computer, out of my way: Got hit harder thatn usual nowadays becuz perps tatking advantage of confusion and computer/store hour changes due to graduation, comencwement week. Be aware if in Boston, MA or other college town/area where this is happening.

WHOLE FOODS near SYMPHONY T STOP, Boston, MA.
My story: Had to bend down to find reciept in bag. Security (as usual perp right?) guard, African American, american born, older. Comes by me vedry closely and makes sure he says 'how ya doin?' this was a term used alot by police and guards and transit police in earlier years of targeting. Passed it off as him doing his job, I WAS crouched and theft was a possibility I understand from his perspective. But then of course it goes too far(of course).

I find my reciept, i bring merchandise and reciept up to customer service. Exchange/perchase.
Guard is up at desk around corner from where i was. I step up, he leaves, i begin my transqaction, he is now in now standing before the registers which i sall behind me. He is staring at me and CONTINUUES TO DO SO even after he can plainly see that i have a reciept and merchanise.

I ask him if i can help him with something. He replies aggressivrely, i tell him politaly that it feels like harassment , (psychological in nature). Its intimidating. He replies very rudely "take it anyway you want" right out in public. At this same time there are people gathaering around the desk, another younger lback male walks by the desk to leave store, he looks right at me and says "how ya doin" as I am OBVIOUSLY under stress from speaking to the security guard. He passes by me, and I calmly go on with what i am doing, no reaction from staff behind desk, no stopping the security staring still.

After my transaction i ask the staff behind the desk to get the manager. He understands and ultimatley the end result with him being aggressive and speaking out to me he says is unnacceptable.
We agree that him continuing to watch me intimidatingly even after i produce a reciept and merchandise and items to purchase at desk is on the side of wrong but is the darker side of a grey area where he is 'just doing his job' and " cannot let someone intimidate him out of him doing his job".

The persons 'around' the desk were just there inconveniently. if you have the ability to hack into these security cameras(and i know some of you do) you can plainly see a well dressed african american male (long black coat)with a female blocking my way out of the store at desk. What is amusing about him is his statement on the cell phone he is on about Allah..I have been thru this for so many years, in these situations I can feel the wolfpack gathering, and the non reaction/non interference on the Targets behalf is always suspect. (as is the casual interference wiht the target as they are going thru duress in the situation. Diversion DURING stress to cause more stress..interesting).

I know it wasnt normal what happened becuz i felt very small, very helpless and very uncomfortable.
Today i had a very open dialogue with someone who had seen on Yahoo! the story on microwaves used fo rcrowd control. She understood what i was saying , mentioned that everyone is intimidated by this administration and still didnt understand how BAD this whole situaion is for all mankind. Human experimentaion made her eyes sort of glaze over....its always the same. a few of us are awake as it all begins, once again.
The sequence of events is the same and i think with humans..it always will be. Denial and then its too late.

I caould be being harassed becuz the city is off shcedule but its more becuz i had too open diaologue in too public a place.... and tried to make someone understatnd(gently) how this al relates to what has been going on behind the scenes for years.

Also, I made a break today and felt stronger about taking some action.

Perhaps, and i suspect this becuz the tactics used today are from my targeting in this city years ago, this area around Berklee and symphony still hasnt learned its Lesson...
about me knowing I am a gang stalking target and will network with other survivors, blog and report it to others.

Also, the Asian manager of the whole foods i used to work at/frequent in Brighton used to laugh at me when i was being heavily explioted in those days.
I saw him recenlyt in Cambridge store, I looked at him like "i know what u all did to me -what u r adn what u r part of"...he looked at me with the most aggressive 'too bad bitch, your the victim' arrogant look you have ever seen. Total lack of responsibility.

Also, I need the herbs at whole foods, thats all i've needed there. If there hadnt been mold exposure, i wouldnt need herbs to treat meany allergy conditions that complicate my life.

I beleive the next time i go in there, professionalism and good manners will prevail.

The security guard is older, and worked today at 7pm when this happened.

I am sure it wont happen again, nor will the Fools join in.

There was a guy who works for whole foods in the 12 step group i was in that tried to impress me into bed , but it just pissed me off and i rejected him.....who knows what the problem is.

I blogged it.
Its not my problem anymore.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Near Brookline, MA

Ahh, they found me. I had a nice place to crash occasionally. It was always really quiet, but last night it began...the student party lasting from 10 pm till 5am. My friend said they never get like that for that long on a weeknight. Then of course there was the guy messing around the garbage at exactly 8 am. Lots of banging and whistling right outside the window and the typical taking 10-15 minutes to do something that could be done in 5. I peeked out the window and he had come back to make a knocking noise-he was just banging a small pizza box against the plastic recepticles , when he saw me peeking, he stopped and threw it away.

Then of course there was the foot traffic of upstairs neigbors, very short lived and an annoying bird chirping both of which i accept as coincidental. The bird moreso.


Then we have the inevitable city workers or someone sawing or starting a new project, followed by the beginning of ALL DAY LONG SIRENS FROM FIRE AND AMBULANCE.
Then put in a dash of the Comcast truck who has to keep backing up (in a small dirt lane parking lot?) thus giving off the loud' beeep, beep beep i am backing up '' noise. Then someone returned to mess around out back and there was some banging of objects.

I called a fellow target to report activity. The obvious stuff stopped, the activities that might be considered overt actions by individuals and the sirens did not stop for hours, with short intervals of course. Until around 12:30 or so, i finally got up at 1 something, I think there was some sirens then too.
I had been stubborn about getting up becuz I had not rested.

A major diversion for targeted persons in recent years

Here is a video I saw on Youtube. It is President Bush making fun of himself, so it is titled. Actually it is the best video I have seen that demonstrates the Pres is unlike anyting he is made out to be. He seems to do alot better with comedic timing than presidential speeches thats for sure.

The people who were and are gang stalking me from the get-go tried to make an enemy out of Bush and his administration. I was always too intuitive and probably smart to fall into this. I know damn well this man is not stupid or childish just as well as I always knew his father is not a 'wimp'.
These are diversions to make the public hate these people as to provide diversion to the varied other problems that are going on at this time and in recent years past but mostly to make sure the ever ignorant public villifies the presidency instead of holding other parties responsible. Like private corporations, etc.

I loathe any discussion where Bush is brought up I know its will inevitably result in mindless childish blaming and discussion that verges on the paraniod

I have one perp in particular who is sooo obviously part of the establishment of the wealthy but to my constant amusement, always engages me in conversation that is rebellious in nature-of everything. Then occassionally he intimates that my being targeted is due to the attitudes of "the current administration", as THEY are the ones reponsible.
I found myself targeted with overt tactics as of 1996, so his intimations are just more smoke/mirrors, which illustrates to me the real truth of the matter. I am still a mind control victim and every attempt is made to misdirect/inform me.

I was told outright that certain parties are very interested in keeping me down.

I doubt if the current administration is one of them.(directly).

I'd rather think that many factors and parties came into play in this situation.

When it comes to human experimentation and covert/black ops there is no obvious outward connection to anything you see going by out in the open. Organized/gang stalking of a Target may last through many administrations, just as it is present across state lines and international borders.

The perps have also tried to play a little game where they ask a target what they think of George Bush or his father. Then they will instill the target with a sense of fear of persecution if you gave a perhaps unpopular opinion.

Look at the video.. Bush knows what the f*ck is going on in the world and his own world as well. I think the only time he acts stupid at times is on purpose when he speaks to the American public. Its either a great act or he is nervous or tired during speeches, I cant really say.
Whatever the schtick of this administration, their 'act' has everybody terrified and intimidated.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dii3mzMQ3SQ&feature=related

Thats what bosses do (duh). That in itself is a form of terrorizing people, and anyone can do it at anytime. The worst thing to do is stop being reasonable and get lulled into it by anyone.

I believe the perps always hated this about me, that I would not go paranoid or mindlessly hateful of the presidency. Why should I? I am an artistic type who is somewhat intelligent and lower class-NOT MIDDLE CLASS. Being pissy about who is in office is the kind of boring thing that middle class people do. I stand behind my background as a person born into a bohemian sort of lifestyle, though many people nowadays do not even understand that term.

It means your mother was a bartender, you grew up around drag queens, musicians, photographers, and other wonderfully interesting people. It means fabuloulsy wealthy people are interested in hanging out with you becuz you care more about art and the mind than you do dreadfully mundane things.
It means you grow up to write books and be an artist, volunteer and advocate,after the expected period of getting into trouble and a bit of tragedy.

This would be the typical outcome of my life's equation...but covert activities are changing the outcome. I have some idea's as to who is responsible, but it sure as hell isnt the administration, the Repubs or the Bush family.
And if there is a connection it is thru some covert projects, with perhaps involvement by some members of 'the elite'.
But to go sh*ttng yourself over the guy they simply put in front of you as The One to blame for Everything is just being obedient to the masters still.

I suspect that any one with any interest in trauma based mind control, programming as well as targeting /testing humans with NLW 's is who Target's are dealing with as the responsible parties.

My own family members, sadly tried these tactics on me. "What do you think about the war? Aren't you worried?" And later the same person intimated that authorities thought I was dangerous and a terrorist.

I believe if you are inconvenient and know too much, yes, the criminals involved with you personally are going to abuse the new rules like Patriot Act etc. It seems that organized crime is benefiting.

Do not let the perps make you paranoid, as the intent is always to drive you to be discredited or true insanity.

The video should be viewed by everyone, to show the American people to stop paying attention to 'The Wizard" they put in front of you and pay more attention to the parties 'behind the curtain.'

----------------------------------------
There are Targets whose websites have interesting information on the corporations possibly involved utilizing humans as experimentees.

In my case becuz of my programming it seems of interest and amusement for certain parties to see just what i am capable of as a toy. Perhaps others -behavior modification. Some other parties wish to silence me and keep me silent for life. All seem to share the same attitude of viewing me as a victim with little or no recourse..easily intimidated and controlled. They have no value for my spirituality nor my natural intel or talents. Most are jealous or feel me gaining any amount of worldy power would result in them having to pay for past ill treatment of me.

This is more of a case of me being involved in illegal human experimentation and a trying to break from cult-like mind control.

But alot of what was done to me is obviously illegal and has done harm to me physically mentally and emotionally.

This is why its so important to make a target paranoid about what is really going on becuz there ARE realistic provable illegal actions against any target, so smoke/mirrors and misdirecting are very important to keep the target under the power of the gang stalking system/network so they never can get help, stay powerless and remain a victim for life.

Why are a number of members of state and local authorities taking part? Becuz they frequently dance with organized crime and manage crime in neighborhoods. You as target I suspect are just another 'managed crime'.

This is what the authorities are TRYING to tell you every time you read on a thick headed targets website "its a problem at the local level".. they are not trying to lie to you but i think that crime is managed on these levels more closely, while you are in THEIR juristiction you are going to be managed by THIER peeps. This would explain why I have experienced varying degrees of harassment from state to state and city to city.
Please keep in mind I am very ignorant when it comes to the affairs of state and courts and police, though I can be naturally cunning becuz of programming. My views only come in as far as i can see thru what they are doing..i am thoroughly uneducated on affairs of crime or state.

Why? Not becuz I am stupid but becuz I shouldn't have to be figuring out their worlds anyway...i should be doing what artists do instead of playing games with firemen city workers and bus drivers....its all a form of abuse. Keeping a woman from the things that she loves..remember the network who controls me is very sexist and even murderous towards women. There are alot of jealous and kept down women involved as well( a perp told me this).

And alot of the general public watching this go down who think its amusing either hate artists or dont understand them, much less mind control victims. Perhaps they simply are experiencing the luxury of watching a life destroyed, penalty free.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

on homelessness

ok nobody wants to read anything on homelessness. I would just like to tell what I know.

Its great to have a person like me to dump on, every screwed up system in any community can stay that way becuz i am the activist to not be believed now. It will go onto record somwhere very public how I was not only targeted in Boston shelters but how messed up they are to begin with.
Also, lets go a little further. You've got a society that either ignorant of people being targeted or they feel its just another problem, like homelessess that for whatever reason the system
refuses to deal with properly. I know from experience and from ex-cons and criminals telling me so that shelters are full of informants. Not only that there are people working out of these places or running thier businesses. A Target is like an opportunity for them. Not only so do u have to put up with alot of crap anyway, you never know if that particular ration of crap was for hire or not.(on purpose, targeting a person).

On top of being blacklisted and being screwed out of your old digs anyway, they treat you like your spoilt if you dont come in late drunk or stoned. You came in late becuz you either worked that day and then wrote or did research on the computer or you did research all day or whatever.
My life is breakneck paced, with dealing with the daily idiots on top of TRYING TO SAVE MY OWN LIFE and preserving what is left of 'Me'. If you observe your average homeless woman she seems to have an inordinate amount of time to sit around and talk about relativaley nothing with other women. Seems to have friends and family to visit, seems to have people to stay with occasionally.

The atmosphere is always gruelingly anti-intellectual. On top of being socially isolated and gangstalked, that is dangerous for your sanity. And whats left of your intellect. I am sure that is the purpose of driving a target to homelessness.

How many of these people are targeted as opposed to real genuine homelessness?

The point of homelessness is to get housed eventually. I cannot do that permanently , not with the horrors I have experienced in a home setting as a TI.

Whats interesting is in recent years the state has taken over all the shelters, ones that were run by trusts. All Dept of Transistional Assistance run now. The STATE.

Then thier main objective lately has been to get everyone housed instead of homeless.

Do you not think they know how much more stress this puts on Targets? They must know.
It says I now one less safe place to go.

Years ago no names were taken. Now, nationwide they do an intake that is so invasive you'd think you were going for therapy or going to a hospital inpatient. I have researched this nationwide just by having to stay out of necessity in these places.
Its info gathering and thats that.

Think about it. Get info on everyone, get everyone housed----CONTROL.

Yet, have a complete Blackout on targeting of human beings whether TI's or simple blacklisting, or organized stalking/psychological harassment.

Answer: Targets have no place to go that isnt invasive and be anonymous.
Well of course they dont.
Becuz 'gangstalking' and blacklisting and covert harassment dont exist! The person is obviously mentally ill!

Dont you love how the above board world LIVES on circular logic? They suck and they know it.

I would love to start a shelter just for artists and anyone capable of an intellectual conversation.
Politeness will be encouraged.
No informants, no jail mentality.

Targeted women will be protected, no psychological harassment /bullies allowed. If there are bullies then people who abhor head games but prefer a more direct approach will be welcome to invite the person to take it outside without penalty.

Stealing is would not be tolerated and is a lifetime ban.

Everyone must shower /brush teeth or they are out of there. A health check up, no mysterious coughs and such.
Anon: a number, no name.
If you snore you'll have to get it taken care of or go on the Snore Floor.
Sleep in/up late as your body sees fit; as long as it results in productivity.
If your drunk or stoned as long as your peaceful, you can stay.
No mold or unhealthy ventilation systems.
If you can you pay to stay if not, lets work on it.

If someone is truly mentally ill and thier behavior is unusual or disconnected, a vote will be taken as to how disruptive it really is.

No more dirt, no more filth, no more state run poverty. If these women wish to use this facility to get back on their feet so be it. If they find they like living collectively then so be it.
Imagine a truly safe place from ANY kind of unmanageable issue in a woman's life that drove her to this.
A safe place to truly regenerate or work things out.

I understand that the shelters are for women who would have no place else in society to go.
I just wish society was managed better. Why must it always be the heavy hand of the Republican or the Conservative or the bleeding heart of the Liberal? Either one just doesnt seem to help everyone. Just someone and the other someones get left out.

Its becuz the world is perpetuated to be miserable. There is plenty of balance out there, but people prefer the tug of war the push and pull.

I will never understand why.


So basically I work hard everyday within the confines I am given and I am still turned away at the door if its too late, even though there is room in the Lobby, and if I do get in I sleep on the floor but am denied a blanket..even though the next shift can find one magically( i bought a cheap sleeping bag).
To Boston's credit there are a few shelters that are not invasive as well as some drop-in centers.
There is one in particular that never refuses women, as it should be.You sleep on a floor where you can use no blanket however becuz its a fire hazard. bring a very oversize old coat.

All of this is incidental to me. Humans have lived outdoors or 'roughed it' for thousands of years...if i wasnt a target i could get a group together and go sleep somewhere healthy(outdoors)
but a woman sleeping out doors alone-not advisable. One of the few times I admire being in a man's body. They seem to be able to camp out as long as there careful all over the US. I envy thier adventure.

Another annoying thing about this situation is alot of perps rub it in that the slander used against me with this is that I am a 'Free spirit' and enjoy the freedom and irresponsibility of it all.

They have been using that since I had to leave my apartment due to mycotoxins being just unbearable. ITS ALWAYS THE TARGET'S FAULT. The target chooses to live this way.. that is key to thier campaign.

I would rather be in my own house by now, housing some starving artists paying rent while I write, paint and go to my job as a councilor for women's issues. I would rather have nice clothes and look good. I would rather volunteer at a shelter than be at one.

You may read this and it only serves the perps by giving them cred "oohhh, i dont want that to happen to me, look how awful." good, then stop being an ass and read this so you'll know what to do instead of being horrified and saddened becuz, presumably it WILL never happen to you.

Greater and lesser people than I have had to go to battle.

I just wish i wouldnt be forced to conform to a system in the shelter network that, as part of the system in general failed me once already. I will not cow tow to that.
The system has failed me since i can remember, in ways no one else, poor, rich black or white will ever have to deal with.(unless they are a life long target).

When i ask to be let in late at nite after working all day and then in the evening or if i call and ask for female beds and i get a no, as of late, always followed by a snicker....hell its yer system.
I have seen first hand that you just do what you want anyway regardless of the laws in your 'system' .

You can do what you want...
But I will not forget it.

Oh, by the way did I mention that I plan on getting out of this and being a Hell banche of revenge right out of the horrors of your subconscious minds?
Whats that you say? You have none left? Imagination is illegal like a drug?
Of course you have dark fears in your subconscious minds.

What do you think put me here in the first place?

How about some truth this evening? Dont choke on it now..

To start -
Article: The Sexual Bondage of Women.

http://www.renewamerica.us/analyses/060711hutchison.htm

Now, it being said that i find for my tastes that article a bit moralistic and I do not recognize 'God' (anyone else is free to and I respect that.).

Imagine for a moment if you found yourself coming out of such a situation, but becuz of a system of compartmentalization or even the use of an alter ego you found you WERE left with an intact Inner Core ; the proverbial 'Heart of Gold'. And also imagine that you finally realized you had talents and intelligence and intended to use them.

Add onto that years in 12 step recovery that had given you a renewed sense of self care for health and other issues.
Also imagine if you were merely in your early 30's and still attractive and shapely.

YOU COULD MAKE A WHOLE NEW LIFE FOR YOURSELF AND FIND THE 'LIGHT'....what these people refer to as 'God' or something of inner contentment akin to thier biblical God.

Now, imagine to your horror as you begin to thaw and awaken that therapists seem to not help you recondition yourself to make this change. Its odd but you persevere and do it yourself, come up with ideas on your own. Still you seem to get stonewalled and people arent responding and getting you the help you need.
Then you go it alone, still beleiving you have a future. You've had to fight your way out of situaions alone, why not this one.
But then everything seems to crash down around you. You are brought into issues that have nothing to do with you , you are slandered, framed, set up, villified, find yourself harassed taunted, survailled, exploited in sinister covert ways, betrayed and abandoned.
You are alone and you are being torn to shreds.

Why? Becuz women who have sex slave programming or at least are shattered just enough to have alter ego's CAN retain an inner core that never gets rotten by 'the business'.
But how dare you try to get away and have a new life.

You will be punished for not remaining to play the game like everyone else. Amd why should any woman be able to have a better life after this sort of lifestyle. Society WANTS to see these women rotting on the streets, old broken- basically done.

And woe betide the woman who doesnt fall as she should.

This is what will happen to deprogramming people. They are expected to drop dead like every other 'typical' woman of ill repute.
I beleive society is very threatened by someone who can go thru these trials, test thier meddle, gain knowledge, and then make a full recovery.

Women are not allowed to return from battle proud warriors. Nor are they to grow into healers of society nor fierce activists.

They msut remain pathetic victims and if they dare to not fit the bill, then they will be blacklisted and harassed until they are not quite so smart, so beautiful and young looking, so nimble on their feet.

And society goes along with it becuz they have no idea what they have denied themselves becuz it does not exist...ever wonder why?

Be a victim or do not exist is what or society is telling survivors.

Survivors are supposed to be Losers that made it not turn into Winners.


an nice, articualte look at the term 'mind control'

(sometimes links dont show up becuz i was using the link title box incorrectly. I will try to go over my entries soon. also, sometimes they do not get highlighted so one may simply click on them..dont know why.)

Mind control. The term can either mean trauma based or electronic.

Here is an article that seems grown up and sane. The person seems educated so as to make more sense out of it-a more convincing argument.


http://www.bio.net/bionet/mm/neur-sci/2003-January/053454.html

Monday, May 12, 2008

psy operatives are fun...

Laugh, its worth it.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=18545

Friday, May 9, 2008

Nice try, no cigar / advice counter tactics

http://ahrp.blogspot.com/2008/04/schizophrenia-genes-are-we-really.html

There are maaannyy other articles , been readin 'em for years. Go into college and university websites. If you were truly nuts, dear Target, you'd have other signs of a disordered mind.
Like word salad for instance.
Thats why it important to wear you down, so you start to look and sound crazy, from sheer stress and exhaustion.

I was lucky. My lovely blood relations have been subtly pushing this ideation for years, but they are a very lazy lot and constantly anti-intellectual ( even anti psuedo intellectual!), so they used it too often and pushed it with too many strong arm like tactics during the time (2004-6) I assume i was supposed to fall into the set up. The most humorous and amusing example is a family member insisting i get psychological testing as a 13 year old and it coming up as me being a highly intelligent passive aggresive creative blah blah -whatever.
I remember exactly where and whom did this testing. I rember what the person was wearing and even asked her specific questions about herself.

During the heavy targeting period around 2006 when i guess i was supposed to fall at everyone's mercy into thier STUPID trap, I left for a southwest state for extreme health reasons due to mold exposure(it saved me from further brain damage).. I had entered gangstalking activism and people back east just started panicking.
Ironically the records from this psych testing disappeared and the woman at the councilling center claims we never spoke ( a mere month before) and I was never seen there.
So the very testing my family member had done to try to make me look nuts at 13 was snatched away from view becuz it actually atests to my sanity and intel as a gangstalking target today!

* As soon as you REALIZE YOU ARE A TARGET, GET AS MANY HARD COPIES OF THINGS YOU CAN, MAKE SURE THEY ARE CORRECT.
Things that prove your sanity,
your health issues,
your finances,
work history,
medical records. Do not be surprised if some have 'disappeared' and people act nervous or weird remeber :this is A TACTIC. Do not let it psych you out just move forward.


***MAKE SURE YOU PUT ALL HARD COPIES OF ANYTHING IN STORAGE OR A SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX, KEEP COPIES FOR YOURSELF ON A MEMORY STICK OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND. JUST GET SOME SORT OF COPY AWAY FROM YOUR ACCESS BECUZ THE PERPS HAVE WAYS OF MAKING YOU DESTROY EVIDENCE AGAINST YOUR WILL.***

(I will not discuss it but if you are smart and unfortunate enough to live thru this situaion for enough years at a certian point, you will know what i am talking about eventually.)

DOCUMENT ANY AND ALL HARASSMENT by writing officail letters of complaint concerning the 'mistakes' of anyone WHO CAN BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THIER ACTIONS.
Anyone who answers to someone else.
Also, make the complaints stressing is thier screw up in service, not your personal displeasure and stay in the mind set you were before, as if you are NOT A TARGET of organized harassment and stalking.

The FREQUENCY of screw ups, rudeness, mistakes etc is what you are looking to gather, not the how and why's of every encounter. Eventually a pattern will emerge.
This ADDS TO YOUR CREDIBILITY. Remain calm and make the perpetrator responsible for his/her behavior every single time.
Know your rights and know rules that providers of any services must follow.
The 'perps' want you to beleive you deserve to be treated differently and discriminated against.

IF YOU SINK TOO MUCH YOU WILL DROWN.
Get it? If you begin to give up and let everything go all the time then you are f*cked big time. 'Perps' are sadistic fucks who will take advantage of the fact the can abuse you . EVERY SINGLE TIME...start making them gossip more about what a 'difficult' target you are as opposed to how mentally insane they claim you are. (by driving you nuts eventually with thier crap of course).

Be a f*ckin hard ass. (calmly). Police them, becuz no one else is doing it. Get to know or talk to people who work in prisons or law enforcement..observe how they rule inmates or 'the public'. Use these tactics becuz the perps know they are guilty to begin with.

Alot of perps are in service positions, start treating them like unruly servants not service people.
If they want to pretend this is the old days and not the 21st century, where people were jsut discriminated against without question then treat them like service persons used to be treated.
Let them know thier place. Not as "the Ugly American" as Europeans have termed our selfish tantrums when we cant get our way, but with fairness that they are targeting you.
(the practice of shitty service people in this country coupled with Americans complaining every time they cant have their way HAS MADE ORGANIZED HARASSMENT MORE VIABLE.
The service person will just say you are another complaining customer..be aware of this and use logic all the way. Calmly document how and why they did not comply witht the policy and rules etc.)
TARGET THE 'PERP', NOT THE SERVICE PERSON.
Service people have enough problems with stressed typical Americans without you accidentally thinking everyone is a perp. And YOU dont need to lose your credibility.
So if you stay logical and follow that formula you should be able to tell if someone is really screwing up on purpose or not.

DOCUMENT WITHOUT HYSTERIA OR EMOTION
be sure however to mention the emotional duress the perpetrator has caused you.
These counter tactics work best if you have been fortunate to have avoided the official 'nutcase' label.
Remember, local law enforcement and any one with credibility who is in on this or an active perpetrator will be telling everyone without yer knowledge that you are nuts, so you may have an unofficial label.

**Showing financial loss is the most important part of any legal battle involving Organized stalking and harassment. As far as I know it is the only way you can proceed with legal action, but I am not completely versed in this area. Do your own research.
The perps will also try to rid you of financial loss documentaion for sure.
---------------------------------
If you know how to walk the tight rope and be nimble, if you know enough about the medical and psychiatric world you may be able to either get some help you need without falling into traps of them getting you medicated or labeled or you can make a comeback from a comprimised doctor's labeling attempts.
DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS UNLESS YOU KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE AND KNOW WHAT ACTIONS WILL GAIN YOU THE DESIRED RESULT.

All Targets seem to have different abilities in dealing with different parts of gangstalking.
If you finally find someone you trust talk to them and they can give you ideas /tactics you have not thought of for the parts of gangstalking you are not good at. You simply may not be good at dealing with certain aspects of being targeted.
THAT IS WHY EVERY TARGET IS GANGSTALKED WITH A DIFFERENT FORMULA BY THE PERPS.

Remember this is COVERT WAR. You are dealing with alot of actions that resemble military psychological operations. Research.

And remember that you are not crazy and did not imagine it all. Getting labled will not help you or save you.

Go ahead, get tired and give in jsut a little and try it. see what happens. I have heard targets say that it did not stop the harassment nor stalking and it gives the perps not only more power over you, it validates the medical fields part in these operations.

If you feel you might actually be delusional or have mental illness please take the medication you need and i hope you have people around you that love you and support you.
In this case all the symptoms you have resembling being a target of covert operations should cease and you should have a peaceful and normal life.

Please consider yourself fortunate. For persons who are not suffering from delusion but merely good old fashioned victimization by criminals in a corrupt system, sometimes there is no answer or way out. For us the actions perpetrated against us will never cease and even showing evidence, doubt and cause does nothing. We are simply expendable.
The perps will for the rest of a targets life always rationalize the reasons why they deserved it...most are just criminals who must keep up the 'con' for as long as a target can hold them accountable.
For Life.

good luck to all.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Too late for me, isnt it.

http://cns.miis.edu/pubs/week/070608.htm

Well, at least some of what has happened to me is now explained. What the fuck are they trying to achieve with all this? I honestly dont understand.... I was in my apartment in Brighton, the ex had been moving away slowly and I was going thru stuff-alone. I asked for help but as usual it was stalemate stonewall all the time. I was targeted no I realize and started to act freaked out. the muscle spasms i had neve made any sense to me. anyway, these NLW on top of harrasment and emotional and mental abuse from the organized stalking system-- why would you do this to someone who was trying to change her life?

If this is there idea of behavior modification they are way off. How can anyone judge me correctly when all they see is the results of me being targeted, set up and people i asked for help not gving me what i needed?

I realize what i am dealing with is a hostile force towards me that is subjecting me to this becuz i deprogrammed and either refused to obey suicide programming or they purposely made it so i could fight it so i would survivive and they could go thru with this behavior modification program.

There is absolutley no other reason for me being targeted or treated this way. I was not dangerous and if i was percieved as such it is becuz i was portrayed as such.

This is why nobody should have these weapons. Law enforcement are waaayyy to corrupt to be responsible with this kind of power. Humans in general are too irresponsible to handle any of these weapons. Look at what the culmative effect has been on me.
I am aged unatraully my health will never recover my artistic talents have suffered my creativity is gone and my intel has been lowered significantly.

These weapons are being used on people who pose a threat to crime syndicates, the public will go along with it out of fear and various other reasons any individual might have. Jealousy, hatred of women, elitism.

So this is the society we have built and it will stay this way. Someone gets targeted and everyone finds excuses as to why the person deserves it...the gangstalking system ensures the slander will fullfil that need.

Great and convenient way to get rid of old programmed persons who might start remembering stuff.
Notice how it mentions protection from 'deranged persons'...all they would have to do, especially if they are aware you are deprogramming , is to say you pose a threat and you might snap and i am sure then you can have these weapons used on you for the reasons of security mentioned.

But i wasnt doing anything like that. I was having difficulty with figuring my way out of deprogramming but i was fairly happy peaceful and trying to be healthy.

It s the gangstalking system that set me up to get me to become frustrated and angry. They targeted me then i am sure AFTER the results of that i was portrayed as angressive dangerous whatever. My case is a stellar example of how this system can simply be used to get rid of a innately good person who is simply inconvenient and whom people are jealous of.

Alot of people mentioned that what was being done to me was wrong or that i had been misrepresented and gotten a 'raw deal'.

its easy to take advantage of people who are mind control survivors. Inside thier protective armor they have a gentle core, especially if you are female. then there is the added advantage the enemy has that it almost impossible for us to 'tell' on anyone or abuse that is happenign to us. Also, privacy is a primary ingredient in who and what we are.

These weapons are being used in behavior modification of people that is damaging to the individual over time.
These manipulative strong arm tactics are very damaging to a person. In my experience their final goal is to burn away your programming and even your core personality to make you into someone else-a total personality change.

What they dont tell you is that the use of sexual stimulation as well as anchoring that stimulation to the stalking and harrassment is key to the triumph over the targets will.

You will eventually change as a person out of fear of furhter intimidation and somehow the sexual stimulation along with the perps minimaizing the abuse and everyone not admitting to what is going on will result in you falling into a brainwashed/mind controlled state where you actually begin to go along with what they are doing. You believe it.

think about it. Fighting them results in pain.
going along with them results in pleasurable sensations (no matter how much humiliation adn shame is there from you knowing your being forced into somehting that insults who you really are).

Along with that is very quiet constant suggestion.

the culmitive affect of these weapons along with terrorist tactics from the stalkers and the other things i have mentioned will result in the complete transformation of the person and thier personality. They will, out of fear and sheer tiredness (beat down, forced into it) will begin to actaully think and feel that what this system has done to them is for the best and this new personality is good for all. Another key in getting the target to believe it is to make sure the person cant face any of the original perps who crossed them or harmed them. The target must always be humiliated and shamed into feeling at fault and less than.
The target must never be allowed to get revenge or even to be angry over what has been dont to them by others.
This is why i had to be marketed as aggressive or dangerous becuz they saw in me a strong abilty to fight back and they used this against me-if i was angry about the total destruction of my life then they would exaserbate it more, then try rto get people to upset me so i would 'snap'- then they would have control by jail or institution.

But if i am forced to endure and have to put my anger aside as well as handle further daily insults with a smile to ensure they did not make me 'snap' then that, along with the sexual stimulation,continued humiliation, the perp rationalizing of the targeting thru intimations in conversations and the minimization/denial basically leads you to become thier 'bitch'...its also classic brainwashing.

Its also classic deprogramming techniques that have proven detrimental to the mind control survivor.

I beleive everone thinks this is for the better. alot of jealous people would rather see a person like me docile and feminized, working in some office being at 'peace' finally than writing a play or working on my art work or councilling sex workers.

They want a woman with minimal 'normal' sex drives that a man doesnt have to be in competition with. A woman who wont argue with a male authority figure. A woman who is now reduced to a scared beaten little girl who is in need of male protection. A non agressive female who is also non assertive. A female who fits in better with her social class and the system of poverty. Someone who doesnt advocate for themselves, or ask too many questions..or notice screw up sor inconsistencies.
Someone who cowers before law enforcement (a.k.a: fake respect) no matter how corrupt they may be or have been. A female who is not so smart as expected of her social class and education level.

I am to be reduced...am being reduced to not special and horibbly average.
My looks have already suffered greatly. I look average, why not destroy my mind as well right?

When i was younger I was in the Tasty in Harvard Square.A woman looked at my eyes and then commented " you have a beautiful spirit" . That is ultimatley what they want to destroy above all else....they like to take any things you may possess which would lead you to gain worldy power such as looks, charm, innate good taste, talent, high intel, determination, ambition.
But they have succeeded beyond all else if they destroy the truest power any human can possess- goodness, godliness, healing energy....beauty of the spirit.

Why this is something for them to do I dont know...why they have to have it.

Maybe being spirited is a threat to national security nowadays or something.

If you are deprogramming you'll have to work very hard to get to your inner spirit. Then when you do beware...you are a security threat i guess.
And they will f*ckin slam you. They wil take advantage of all the other parts of your programming to either frame you up to look like you deserve this or/ burn you out.

You'll be dealing with alot of misinformed possibly fearful people that beleive every programmed person is a nut who will become a lone gunman--you might be lucky like me and have your shrink approached to write a bogus letter like the one i got when she finally got appraoched and caved in -a letter that is basically a formula or equation (shrinks are in the sciences remember) that = "this person is at risk for 'snapping'".. Its all bullshit but the gangstalkers who dont know anybetter will beleive it.

Remember, you MUST be set up too look like you NEED to be hit with these weapons and behavior modified etc etc. The people at the top know its to cover thier asses and surpress evidence of mind control. Also as you go down, alot of people will take advantage so it become imperitive you get destroyed one way or another to protect thier little cronies who sold you out so you dont get any revenge on anyone.

thats why i have been hit alot latley with accepting the idea...

Get this: that I deserved this, that I was a bad person and needed cleansing or modifying, that I was too energetic and aggressive and now i'll be at peace and that's for the better for everyone.
That all the guilty parties who helped in my downfall were ok in what they did, that they did nothing wrong, that it is I who was wrong all down the line. I am totally to blame.
They seem to want me to take on a version of events that supports the innocents of all the perps and has me taking on all the blame for events.

Which, without my and others versions of events is prob presently 'the official' version of events out there anyway-but people arent stupid you know. People know i was railroaded.

Once again we are dealing with nothing more than the old deception tactics-
1)95 % truth + 5% lies = a lie that works for the perp.
2)Pushing a target into circumstances that are already set up for them as 'the truth'. Foreshadowing.

Plus there is the good old 'nobody is going to beleive you ' that is really starting to stick in my mind. its not that nobody is going to beleive me, its that i dont think anyone cares or that believing me is not as benificial as trashing me as the loser in the game.

What this is all designed to do ultimatley is get the target, thru all the means i have mentioned, to give into what the perps present as all pervsive peer pressure, that everyone sides with thier views and that i am best off givng in to this lowly status and knowing my place.

This might work if it wasnt for the fact that my internal systems have no use for their outside reality if it interferes with what i am doing. I do not need to be accepted nor happy as long as my mission is completed...then i can rest where they'll be no perps or deceptions anyway.

I will not give in to lies thru the abuse of power.
Power is all these people are going to have when its all finished anyway becuz they will never get me..ever.

The choice has been made. They keep offering me a life as long as i play peaceful ghost. Permanent loser of the game. As long as i move on and go along with being the fall guy i can have a meager boring existence as a nurse(they keep pushing that for some reason) or other mind numbing slave/caretaker job, and perhaps if i am a good little girl i wil be allowed to meet a man who will marry me and expect me to be complient and faithful and leave all the Big Decisions up to him. This is the ideations I am getting from the targeting.

I am expected to go along with what is basically psycho surgery to alter me from being a beautiful more European sort of woman into an average American lower middle class prole.

This is what they have planned for me. This is the life i am to accept or else die in constant pain fighting for truth and reality.

Also, i find myself being brainwashed into many very conservative beliefs. I guess i am to internalize these as part of my overhaul as a person.

The only reason anyone would go along with this is out of sheer fear from being terrorized.
Really thier offer is either conform to the standards we have for you or die....what's odd is i find myself peaceful with this, mindless. I find myself givng in and actually wanting to please the authority figure..not out of hard work thus reward but a mild sort of feeling that i am totally controlled therefore its safe to go along with what these mostly male authorites want.. and the belief that they have for me that i will be happier if only i do this. That i will have a pecaful good life. But i know this urge is from becoming dazed from the constant terrorizing and social isolation. Plus, this chioce would also stop the toruture of PTSD. Forget, forget forget.....(dont compartmentalize-really truly forget. Let is all go and become this new person.)

Its all so creepy. I find myself brainwashing myself with my inner dialogue. Like i've snapped into total mind controlled mode or something after years of beat down and abuse and targeting and hatred and humiliation from the public. I repeat in my head, i tell myself all these things and really accept the brainwashing.

then afterwards my true self returns and sonthing says dont give up , dont let them win, they are wrong you know it. and i snap out of total moony mode. its like being abducted and brainwashed by a cult thats all i can compare it to.

I am to give up all my creative endevors and jsut accept that i am average. its so fucked but i can see how they make it work..when you are afraid to rent a place becuz they'll just break in again its a little hard to plan to write or do anything. and still every day there is little harassemtns and interestingly i notice people very interested in my phone calls if i am on the bus. I dont even want to beleive there are that many informants around or people willing to be invovled in controlling my daily life. But its ben that way across the country, but in boston i get a false sense of security i guess.
Its intersting how in this article it states something about a high level of monitoring to ensure target safety. This may be why targets are survielled constantly as behavior modification is employed.

The greates part is the area where it is stated that psych drugs and othe drugs are used as NLW's.

Great article.

Please give me all your best projections, your energy. I neeed it right now. (others call it praying if they are religious) I am becoming the puppet they want me to be and i will resist with all my might.
I should not have to become someone that is not really who i am jsut to please a group of criminals.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Forget the disclaimer...

User generated content in this case is good enough for me..there was somethng positive about this posting. Made me feel better.

Its one of the only times I have read about the slander tactics which they really used against me.
People actually did this to me. People I had known for years.

"Look for signs you are being slandered, such as people questioning your sanity, feigning or actually being suddenly afraid or nervous around you, as though you might attack or snap or etc."


I love the use of the word feigning....there was alot of that for sure, but I always was surrounded by narcissitic drama queens anyway-who better?
It makes me feel better about being slandered like that when my associates were criminals and I am now the only one who has to suffer.

US Marines not a cult

Today I got perped. I'll explain later but one of the special chracteristics of my gangstalking situation is that my family insists on trying to get me labeled, becuz so it is written i guess. Another long lost family member I havent seen in years was allegedly labled crazy becuz he kept on about some plot by official parties I will not name and that my mother's family was invovlved. This man by jsut the story I am told exhibits all the stresses of a person who is a target of organized stalking. He was rebellious and asked too many questions. When I would show these characteristics growing up in my cult like mind control family i was immediatley shot down with " now you sound like your(family member)." Argueing with familial authority or making too much sense or using logic instead of giving inot emotional stron srm tactic always lead to the ideation that i was not oart of 'the family' becuz now i was behaving like an absent loathed member.
The discovery of this persons getting labeled has been used against me extensively throughout my ordeal. Perps who are strangers as well as family members alike are obssessed with pushing the idea that i am crazy becuz its genetic... well, genuises, so is intergenerational targeting of family members. And there was no internet for the older people invovled for them to get some clue as to wha twas happening.
Anyway, there has been alot of attepmts by the perps from the start to psych me out with alot of intimation of military involvment. You know the idiots who dress like military..i am sorry but i can usual tell if your for real or not. but this is in my case to lead me easlily to where they lead my poor lost ralation..i am sure they used these tactics. UNTIL I SEE MY NAME ON FILE THAT CAN BE PROVED OFFICIAL AND NOT FAKES I NOR ANYONE ELSE HAS NO PROOF AS TO WHO IS BEHIND MY BEING TARGETED.

DUH!( how stupid are these f*cks? gees, i guess there only hope IS to wear me down til i drop)

Anyway, becuz another family member is Marines obsessed due to my grandparents having been part of, I have gotten harrassed alot by persons trying to intimate Marine involvement.

Just as they did today. I wanted to rip this guys head off today. Stop using your association with the Corp as intimidation. Maybe they do it cuz they know it pisses me off....but I have an interesing article that proves the Marines are not cult like..no matter how much insecure perp f*cks try to use thier name to mess with targets heads. :

http://www.vpsych.com/Checklist_of_Cult_Characte.htm

I would however, conceive 0f some less stable members or former Marines being involved in gangstalking becuz they are need to perp people and that is something they need to do, outside of thier military status.

I can also see someone as insane as certain family members having discussions with former Marines who are perps and them all happily agreeing that I need to grow up and that this ordeal is a great boot camp like experience or some total self serving bullsh*t.

The great part of the article is something I have always liked to think about the Corps as different from the way my family misuses thier affiliation with them.

"Military training and legitimate executive training programs may use the dictates of authority as well as peer pressure to encourage the adoption of new patterns of thought and behavior. They do not seek, however, to accelerate the process by prolonged or intense psychological depletion or by stirring up feelings of dread, guilt, and sinfulness...."

Some might disagree but once you learn something in the Marines isnt there reward for achievement? A sense of completion?

I refuse to associate the Marine Corp with any perp activity. Any perp who does this I immediatley mark it as a weakness in thier character...it is akin to the cheap habit of name dropping and it smells like desperation to me.

And disrespect, considering becuz my only remaining grandparent is wrapped up in this I cannot see her becuz I hav eto be busy with my own war..not a war in my own mind but very real covert war with a sick network of killers only identified as gangstalkers. I will prob have to go to Bourne Cemetery to see her again. I will miss the guns going off at her funeral.

And also, the perps keeping me busy with this nonsense has taken away my plans I had to volunteer with vets. It was my way of getting right with my hatred of what the Military had seemed to pass into my family. Also, there are enough coming back and there are enough who need help right now.

But the perps are not people who support you doing anything good with your life or are they people who want to see you evolve as a person. If I would have started volunteering, I would have become even MORE unbrainwashed I would have become right with alot of the issues I had with my family.

Dont let the perps psych you out with mentioning any organizations until you have proof.

If you are curious about the Military possible role in the weapons and experimentaion used against targets there are plenty of publications that are legit in showing what they are up to..magazines etc.
You just have to assume they would be unethical enough to experiment on humans possibly.





Alice sweet alice

I saw this film again recently when i rented a cheap place for the night, i needed sleep.
It just screams satanistic, but that doesnt bother me really, its just amusing how certain groups prefer certain kinds of expression and its so consistent.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice,_Sweet_Alice

Anyway, what was disturbing is how many elements of gang stalking are in it.
There is one scene where someone takes a photo unsuspectingly of someone and it is viewed from the victims perspective. It looks jsut like whatever the perps do to you when they intimidate with taking pictures out of nowhere.
( I fucking hate this the most and i have had multiple instances of it happening nationally. They have stopped doing it becuz i go right after them. I guess photos are valuable..i have heard the perps sell them to your tormentors so they can see how badly you are doing. They can all go f*ck off royally. )

There is some scenes where emotions of despair are acted out in typical perp dark circus Jerry Springer fashion, quite comically actually. But it is disturbing.

And obvious , chilling (for tbmc survivors especially) scenes of a family of women with all the -isms of mind control. How everybody is in denial etc.
I love the fat guy with the Anton Lavey look who's thier neighbor.

The only great thing about this movie is how selfish this little girl is to survive everyone after her all the time.
Its a pleasure to see human's selfishness honestly portrayed instead of whitewashed.
Unfortunatley you can see how many perps simply behave this way and think no one sees..
we see. Targets see.

Whats disgusting is not human greed and selfishness, its the denial of it and the covering up of it.
Most diplorable is the sheepish acceptance or these system of assholes as your fuckin overlords.

Stop giving me stupid looks in the street of pity and do something about your corrupt world.
How can people live like this? And the polite denial makes me seriously ill.
I am very lucky.. i have squat. I can afford to denounce things. I guess when people have 'stuff' they become afraid to risk it by saying no to an abusive authority figure.

Any way, this movie was amusing but helpful, it shows that no, we are not crazy, there is a culture of mind games and cruelty that existed even before any of us got targeted.

What really pisses me off is that i feel becuz of my programming there are portions of me that are mega bomb more evil than the perps i encounter....if only i could get my hands on them or get them alone. I do not respect people like them who believe they are powerful yet they have to attack a person consistently in sneaky ways, with superior knowledge and outnumber the person.
I will never respect the gang stalkers. They are cowards.

Watch this movie and laugh at how funny thier circus is....inside thier own heads especially.

Safe people

http://www.amazon.com/Safe-People-Relationships-Avoid-Those/dp/0310210844

No i haven't read this book.

And I do not approve of any one or thing at this point that blames the victim who may have many reasons for poor choices. I dont endorse the religoius slant either. That said:

But it is interesting that the description of unsafe people or truly abusive people is -

"But this is definitely not a book for those who are dealing with REALLY unsafe people- abusers (physical, emotional, verbal, etc.), liars, control freaks, manipulators, treacherous or destructive people, etc."

Perps- you have got to remember that you are dealing with some of the sickest most devious people out there who operate in a network. They hide who they really are from everyone around them while they are 'in on' watching you die. I know this for a fact, I am surrounded by nothing but the gangstalking network, like a prisoner. The unsafe people who are tolerable that I deal with are still dangerous. There is no way out of this when you have had your support system taken away thru betrayal at the beginning of the ordeal. This is how the gangstalkers abduct someone and then hold them prisoner in the network. Every stranger you meet you have to wonder if it is someone involved in the network or an innocent.

Remember that you are dealing with really unsafe people every day for years and YOU CANNOT LEAVE THE SITUATION like you would a singular abusive stalker/murderer type person normally.

Remember that the perps alot of them think you are trash or garbage and they secrtely feel justified in what they have done.
Alot of us are not only dealing with the gang stalking ops like surveillance and harassment but other horrible things that are covert ops as well like gassings, druggings, and poisonings.
And there is whatever this awful willpower altering system they have....it is like mind control but its very immediate and obvious to me becuz it differs so much from programming where the commands come from the internal world.

AND some of us have to deal with our internal programming as well.

I appreciate the line about the stress from dealing constantly with an unsafe person.

I cannot beleive there are those people out there that will not accept what is happening to us targets as reality.
How selfish is this culture?

Monday, May 5, 2008

Sound familiar ladies?

Sounds very familiar..except for the egg stealing, but who knows?

I used to be very pretty. Now I am still pretty enough for people to wonder why I am homeless. And u know how the perps are -they'll make u feel ugly.

In the beginning all the really overt perpetrators of organized stalking I dealt with around the country kept trying to push the ex boyfriend revenge service idea.
Well, that didnt work-its a stupid cover story becuz I was targeted by these bozos starting in 1996 in Waltham, MA when the rather overt tactics started being used.

I look back and see I have always had tactics used on me all my life but they were very few and far between becuz I was of use to people then and easily controlled.

Also, in the 24/7 heavy saturation years after 2004 the perps around the country just gave too many cover stories for one to be the truth..its called 'anchoring' and they screwed themselves on trying to push just that one motive at a certain point.
Besides, by himself, my ex would never have that much power. He wouldnt have done something like this either unless he was scared to death to not comply or bought off with his wildest dreams to come true-I see both were used actually.

But being targeted is a complex matter. There are alot of sequences of events overlapping, etc.

They target you, they can drive you crazy with tech and sending in the worst handlers -horrible evil people.. and you go crazy and start betraying info and confidences...then you have jsut provided blackmail material to get other people to help target you..

I read one male Target's thread that said that gangstalking creates a "network of victims".. like a web he described it. Others are forced to help target the victim by being victimized themselves.

Yet this post was helpful becuz it lets me know that this is the activity of a crime syndicate possilby and the activity itself is the crime.

This would explain these morons being fascinated and perplexed with how 'highly intelligent' I am..or was, at this point.

They never realized they had been set up to destroy a deprogramming mind control survivor.
The people at the upper levels of the mind control trafficking end of things must have been laughing their asses off or at least enjoying the show..
These f*cks just thought I was some old bitch someone wanted to get rid of or that I was still attractive enough to re-victimize.
It would also explain why alot of the sh*t heads I had to deal with thought that mind control survivors could simply be ordered around or easily controlled. They were amateurs.

I know what the ultimate goal is however. Its to make sure i get as much brain damage and diversion as possible so any memories I have from deprogramming do not come up. It's to keep me busy and make sure i get worn down...to make sure that when its over i have no looks, no power, minimal abilities and cant remember a damn thing.

Its to reduce my once brilliant and imaginative mind to that of an average citizen. Its to teach me I can trust no one and turn my heart cold so I have to live out the rest of my life as a frump with no enjoyment out of life.

And why in the world would i allow that? My programming will not allow me to suffer so and they know it.

I can definitely see this scenario going on with beautiful women.
In mind control and inter generational satanic families alot they use breeders..its a very sad world.

Everyone wants to act like the 70's and 80's are over, you know? Like they have cleaned up law enforcement and real sleaze like this activity..all that has been done is that criminals are more savvy, tech, worldy and white collar about what they do.

And she is correct..alot of uhh-'foriegn' players are in the mix nowadys.

This post is 10 years ago as well..do you know the damage that these people have done after 2003 by using the terror threat to thier advantage? All the changes in privacy?

It's a mess.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Lawmakers target ‘cyber-bullies’

http://www.examiner.com/a-1210796~Lawmakers_target__cyber_bullies_.html?cid=rss-Baltimore

The deception involved over the internet is probably more understandable to people becuz they understand one cannot see who one is talking to so the opportunity for deception is obvious.

I dont think its so obvious to a teen ager however who is not trained in critical thinking or perhaps may not be good at assessing security risks by his nature.

Yet deception is the number one ingredient that makes this formula work for the perpetrators.
That and the Targets trust in other human beings.

Its very difficult. These tactics remind me of the gorilla warfare the that sank the Vietnam vets when they were over there. No decent American of that era, as it was told to me as a youngster would have ever expected a person to strap a bomb to a baby. Soldiers are lonely they pick up the youngster-its over. They trusted. They went on preconcieved notions of what human behavior was supposed to consist of. The innocence of their culture got them screwed.

You can no longer look someone in the eye to know what they are about. Listen to the sound of thier voice, make a judgement.
I have never been cyber stalked becuz i was so heavily targeted in person. That was something I jsut knew better than to subject myself too. But people are looking at the internet differently than I. They see it as a playground, some safe world becuz its 'cyber'.

Now I think of it this would be the typical naivete of a culture that doesnt really acknowledge the 'unseen' as valid.
You'd better start realizing that the internet is like a city...with alleys and bad nieghborhoods and 'bad' people like any other place. There the ghetto's can come alive but so can the sociopaths who reside in the 'nice' houses who seems respectable. Its a parellel of the physical world but you're going in there blind. Total sensory deprivation. No sight, no sound, taste, smell touch.
If you get sight and sound on who your talking to i am sure it would help.

I was in MO when they targeted that young girl who died.
Then of course the public still doesnt get it so they text the perps phone with nasty messages.

GET A CLUE ABOUT THE NATURE OF STALKERS!!!:
All this woman did was get rid of her phone. People who do things like this are big time into aviodance of responsibility. They have criminal minds, they know what they can get away with.
Dont validate the system by fighting fire with fire. All your doing is giving people like this the attention that they want for doing something nasty.

The best thing to do is protect yourselves against opportunists and realize that laws are going to have to come about soon becuz terroring and cyberstalking is a huge problem and people are getting killed.

Unfortunatley, the view that we had of the internet in the 1990's was of the most positive uses for it. As usual the tech has fallen into the wrong hands.
This is simply you having to face the true nature of the human race all over again via the internet. Humans are murderers, but unlike the rest some people neeed no good reason to destroy another person.

Be easier with yourselves, your dealing with a whole planet now, not just your own neighborhood. Its an ocean of people and getting caught by sharks is the nature of it probably.

Just change the way you think about security that's all.

Typical ACLU... Why would you not hold people responsible for thier actions? Free speech is one thing, libel and psychological harassment are quite different.

Alot of us organized stalking targets are none to happy with them becuz they sysematically refuse our cases, but our situations are odd if not bizarre in nature if looked at thru the eyes of day to day society.
In fact I wonder if regular people are not suffering becuz it would be impossible to create laws of this nature without setting a precedent for persons being targeted for covert warfare, which i understand gets into possible organized crime or other prefer-to-be-hidden groups with agendas.
But in the actions of the people involved its all the same. The behavior of the cyber stalker is quite like that of any other stalker or person who uses deception to destroy another.

MINE

I want back what is mine and i will not rest or do anything else until i get it.
I waited for a bus today in front of my old apartment...the one in BRIGHTON, MA where everyone around me abandoned me and helped those who would exploit me and take my life from me. I stared up into the windows, my old window.

I am still in there, my energy is still in this old Mason Hall(!) turned into low income apartments... I wan twhat is still mine and i will not rest until i get it. So many guilty faces i recognize like people from a past life...players who took part in that theatre production to ruin my life years ago. They hang thier heads..they have no fuckin idea what is coming. You cant play act your way out of the shit that is going to come down as the world becomes smaller and people wake up finally to realize the extent of corruption htat is possible thru this ancient system of decption and gaslighting a victim.

Day before yersterdy a fat black cop was out with a bunch of white city workers, in front of the what i thought was still the Brook's drug on Market st. in Brighton ,MA.
I spit behind him and he said something as if he was very unaffected. I dont know how it went forward but then it was me , saying rather heatedly that Olnick pays pretty well dont they?
He said 'whoever that is'.. Then i told him it was the people who helped get me gangstalked and targeted out of this neighborhood. I then told him that this way of doing things was on its way out and covert activities like this could not possibly continue into the 21st century. it was all very quick and i have learned to stay very calm nowadays, and i am not wrong in what i am saying either, that comes thru i am sure.

So what does he do? Immediatley he says 'why dont you go do some dope?" or 'take some dope'...you know i cannot believe that the same old tactics of whitewash from years ago still work.
What was interseting about it was that he immediatly went for the excuse, the one that was probly used to cover for everyone elses actions. They think its easy becuz it uses my past against me. He's a fool however becuz he told me what there cover story entails..a bus driver also did this years ago. Mentioned drugs without anything that would have lead to that topic.
Can anyone believe that this two bit nighborhood is still trying to cover up crimes the same way they have been doing for decades? Does anyone still buy into this shit?
During me enduring torture at that apartment I was taking a prescribed sedative, a blood thinner used for treating a certain condition and MOLD exposure, as well as noise and harassment. Can u prove drugs or is that jsut some easy to reach for cover story that worked unquestioned like 20 years ago?
In a world increasingly obsessed with cop shows focusing on lab work opposed to deduction and real detective work its amazing that it gets disregarded as a reality on the street. They love these shows that are a total reactionary backlash from the Rodney King video days, like COPS and such, making them into the unquestionable Force they have become nowadays but they carelessly diregard such reality in practice.
They want to have thier cake, eat it too and ALSO look out the window of Versaille and comment on how if we are starving then we should eat a piece ourselves. Lets hope there is much choking...on thick rich cake.

Besides the fact that he is supposed to be in a profession that does investigation not blind accusation. Lets do a hair sample test, you fat mother f*cker, then we'll see who is telling the truth..oh, let's test you and yer boys there too. Bastard. Arent all the unions bitchin now becuz they are bucking being tested?

I replied calmly that i had been clean for over 10 years (actually since 1995). He laughed.

It pissed me off. After all i had worked for this city helped destroy my life as people still do across this indecent country of ours (its not my country any more, i have had to fall out of love with it to survive emotionally.) and this fat rat bastard laughs as if its over, they won, i am dead and its forgotten..sealed up with thier excuses all over it and that is the TRUTH about what transpired-just becuz they are authority figures.

It pissed me off. To endure that much abuse and oppression, then to be taunted as well. He was a twisted representaion of what a real cop was meant to have been- long ago before the system in this state got fat on itself, so fat that it looks like it might vomit.

No decent cop would act this way. They would- and have ignored me, knowing what i went thru, knowing it was wrong...and what can they do?
What they can do is try to conduct themselves the same way i have in morally deplorable conditions. With grace and yer head up.
Not his reaction. His reaction made him my target. He showed me he represented a system where destroying a human life is far too easy. So easy it has become a lazy sport. The victim is someone to be laughed at and taunted.

Years ago a black cop would not even been allowed in this primarily Irish neighborhood. Targets- we never get to rise above. There is no promiseland for us, no pie to take a piece. Targets have to watch everyone else in society gain access to opportunity and we get left out, always. In fact he may have had to react this way becuz he is black, to continue to ensure his position in this community. (he has to perp harder!)

Its sad to watch things like diversity go by, something alot of us had been dreaming about as victims of the Boston bussing warzones of the 1970's. Finally i can look out and see interacial couples, whites hanging with black s with not a second thought about it. And still, my situation stays the same for Life. Its been very difficult to try and stay good and not bitter. I deserve a fuckin medal, having to live in the best country in the world for opportunity and being fuckin blacklisted after serving some purpose against my will.

**ITS A TACTIC: sometimes targets turn into racists or become hateful in some other way. especially in the beginning when u dont understand yer being targeted. DO NOT GIVE IN TO THIS THEY WILL USE IT AGAINST U. Many websites as well as targets on conference calls will tell u this is part of the operations. Then the 'perps' can market you as a hater in some way.
They will take advantage of all yer weaknesses, so be AWARE and do the best you can. **

Anyway, i calmly explained to 'Cannon' that people are tired of seeing video's of union guys lined up, like from the Big Dig, for the methadone clinic. And how many of his boys there went to the clinic that morn or how many on the jobvsite had pinned eyes?
Thier reply was " Welcome to Boston".

I told them they were trash. That they know it and that they always will be trash.
This is why the white collars treat them this way.

Slowly without argument, they shuffled away, not able to argue.

Perhaps i got back a little of what was mine.
Somehow this city stole my very energy of life.
Isnt there a price for what they do? it jsut seems too easy for them and from my experience that kind of greed and disregard in a system never lasts.

MAKE LAWS AGAINST PSYCHOLOGICAL HARASSMENT AND WARFARE..
GIVE VICTIMS OF THESE CRIMES A FIGHTING CHANCE.

Stop letting the perpetrators and participants get away with murder.
The kind of activities that create maximum damage with minimal evidence.

Stop covert war, the abuse of psy ops, domestic terrorism, whatever you want to call it. WHO is behind these activities does not matter. What matters is the victims are irrepairably damaged and cannot defend themselves.

Abuse of power isnt funny nor is it amusing. Just becuz you cannot see something like damage to a human being does not mean it does not exist.

I know this jsut sounds like another arguement with some perps but it was very illustrative for me. It showed me the amount of disregard I msut have been held with the whole time the residents of this little borough or Boston were engaged in targeting me. Knowing about it, participating, being in on it, whatever thier part. They really never saw me as beautiful, highly intelligent or creative. Or perhaps this is why they did it to begin with.

A friend of mine described all people like this as a bunch of small people in on something bigger.

I will not rest until I take back what is mine and it is not over.

I will build a little Hell for them. Hopefully it can be added to something very real waiting for them when they die in thier own lives.

Amazing things await us all on our death beds..stories perhaps you'd forgotten about(compartmentalized). It'll be like deprogramming. ITs very unpleasant and you will suffer.
Perhaps when you are old feeble and helpless it will run in your minds over and over again and your body will no longer provide you means of escape nor will your mind any longer.

Perhaps you are simply not highly intelligent to even think about what you have done, the action you have performed.
That sounds about right.