Some memories, trucking, no therapy for targeted survivors

Time for new post so why not continue the hate? I was so sick yesterday I was scared and in pain. UTI that wont seem to go away for a year or so now. That of course is what the Bactrim that screwed me up so bad was for originally. Strange how it seems to become more obvious as I go east. I took a shower at a truck stop and drank like 2 bottles of cranberry. Its scary to think I cant take Advil or antibiotics for anything now. I get mild anayphylaxis symptoms like heaviness of heart area and unable to breath from wrong food or even allergic to something in air like going through Midwest and hay or some flora being the issue. Sometimes its a mystery as to what is triggering it. And all this comes back to being gang stalked into the street. So I have more than a right to be hateful. I think the time of me being capable of being ultra noble about this is over for now. My health is so fragile. And it is a direct result of mold exposure in someone with liver disease as its documented that the mold worsens this condition, then my damaged health goes on the road into poverty and bad conditions, then a string of UTI's last year with multiple courses of antibiotics- thats when I started to feel my constitution weaken. And the doctors have nothing but bullshit for answers. Then the Bactrim never should have been given to me due to my history of liver disease, mold exposure and mycotoxicosis as well as not knowing if I was allergic to sulfa drugs, that induces anaphylaxis and now its a constant problem I live on Benadryl which of course makes traveling and living houseless more difficult if not dangerous due to being sleepy or as my body handles it, bitchy and spacey while being perfectly awake on large amounts of Benedryl.

Plus forgetting things like an Alzheimer's patient thanks to neuro damage from mold as well as extreme stress from gang stalking is very depressing and constantly adds to suicide ideations.

If this was some sort of human experimentation with a college in on it by a company or the military or some Tavistock type group its actually human torture and I have lost alot of my talents and ablilities. But they want functioning worker bees not talented artists or empathetic therapists. Nor do some factions want mind control survivors who remember faces and places. It would prove very inconvenient for them.
Thats why there is so much pressure to move on and forget. If what they did was so unjust
and destroyed my health and was and is a gross violation of my civil rights and human rights then why should the victim be pressured to forget like someone who is guilty of a crime and was excused or got off easy or didnt have it that bad so move on and forget. What was done to me is outrageous. The only thing these bastards have going for them is that no one is going to believe me supposedly and none of it will stand up in court.
Maybe not now. In years to come it may due to the tech they have now being revealed to the public as indeed being readily available to authorities. But this system is the oppressors 'secrt weapon'- literally, in dealing with oppressing and controlling the people of this country at least as well as many others and also in dealing with 'sensitive' situations, like rescuing an influential madam and a rich kid drug dealer from harm during a federal investigation. Well considering that the madam could black male men in organized crime, the govt and big (BIG) business, some for generations using her services, plus all those Xmas cards full of money going to cab companies as well as cops, that is pretty damn sensitive. Her dad doing "work" for the CIA according to her I am sure helps her spoiled brat ass out of trouble consistently.
Strangely she is also surrounded by handlers who could give a shit about her outside of being gold digging motherf*ckers from whole family of scumbags who are gold diggers, as well as her talking about her own father's life long private depression, and by 40 loss of memory so severe as to be suspect to all who knew him well.

It seems that Cathy Obrien and Mark Phillips are not mistaken about mind control slavery, agencies with rogue elements or inner departments that are very different from what the front door says. I trust them in thier experience and I trust her story but I dont trust them for sh*t due to mind control slaves, us all being trained like gladiators to fight to the death, please the authority figures like children and to compete with each other to win at any cost. This explains, besides agent provocateurs and operatives sent to mess with collective activism among survivors, why survivors cannot function well with each other. You dont built the perfect machine to win at the threat of death and expect them to play well with others even in a 'retirement' stage when they are aware of what they are and try to be good people. MC survivors are chosen for thier at once ability to kill the competition yet be somehow deeply psychic in communications with certain others as well as healing or full of good in some respects. Its a very confusing inner world once you are aware of it. There is an honor code really and in some situations its fair game or a free for all.

I dont blame survivors for wanting to make bank off thier situations. Often they are people who dont know how to live without money in thier pockets as they are raised that way especially in thier teens or twenties. Not everyone can change or wants to. Its thier Will.
I also do not trust that people are not still under control of programmers, handlers or the system. I dont trust a certain video I have seen with Mark in it, stating that no therapist has time or enough love to heal a survivor. This intimates that the system that is used on many of us,a covert deprogramming system exactly like the one that became illegal due to how abusive it was years ago, that is now completely covert, is in order for modern survivors. That matches up with Clinton's words that there will never again be another MK Ultra trial. Yeah, becuz everyone is threatened from the get go now if they try to get help or treat survivors or disclose. Its a set up to catch survivors and keep them silenced victim witnesses.
I dont trust that certain survivors who are very public are not acting on behalf of that system in thier activism. Perhaps I am wrong. But every survivors has a right to a therapist that knows what the hell they are doing as well as not suffering brain damage as a means to 'cure' them of recalling memories and ripping out thier wiring to make them a non threat. And the way that so many people in on this are jealous or mean to the point of inhuman is unacceptable and tells me that they are not evolved enough to be dealing with vulnerable people who need help.
All of these people are in on this under different excuses but the main motive is STILL to keep everything in secret and punish anyone considered a whistleblower.

There is no reason that what goes on in mind control cannot be dealt with the way that what goes on in prison. Everyone knows what goes on in prisons and there is help that is specialized-people who understand, that can deal with a former prisoner. Same thing with vetrans. The public hardly understand what goes on in the military and if they did there would BE no more wars I guarantee you that. So a vet needs someone who understands him or her and thier special circumstances.

The only reason that no gray areas like this are allowed for survivors of mind control by state actors or worse, is that they are STILL CONSIDERED SLAVES and are treated accordingly by the people involved in this system.

The way in which I was left all alone and shunned by many even within the survivor movement lets me know that they did so in order to leave me vulnerable to the covert deprogramming system that is in place for certain survivors. Its obviously something they dont want to mess with. One such activist outfit was especially obnoxious, two women out of Canada that reek of something else behind the scenes going on with these two, after I came to them for help they were mean to me (very much resembling the abuse of a recent handler who I thought I saw thier phone number in his cell phone when I was under his control) and then rearranged thier web page to specifically state that they only treated survivors of mind control and programming by NON STATE ACTORS. Screw you by the way and I cant wait to blacken your damn name so no one trusts you again. No one crosses me with power games like that and gets away with it. I was so vulnerable, so needing help to survive. Its b*tches like this that make it hard for the hardcore survivors to get protection and assistance in trying to reprogram as well as flourish in thier futures.
Whats interesting is that if you looked at a pic of the more dominant female in the team of two, she looks just like a grand dame type...the way the photo looks. The colors she is wearing in the photo. How many of these people are under programming influence themselves I have to wonder and are directed to helping professions just to serve the interests of a larger agenda. She's old fat and unattractive so I feel better about it anyway. Sleeping under bridges I still look better than she does as a nurse. Ha ha ha.

One has to wonder also how much motivation is simple human petty jealousy, such as females are so disgustingly vulnerable to. The only women I have ever encountered that could be trusted to get anything done without competitive female bullshit are certain parts of the adult entertainment industry.
Certainly not strippers who I cant stand. It used to make me seethe to be referred to as a stripper by certain perps becuz they were too stupid and uniformed of the whole story or the details. Stripper tend to be the most catty, daddy girl types in the industry. Cant deal with that. My mother was like that and Ken's resembled a strip club environment with a group of women answering to an all male authority. Thats all she understands anyway is protection from big brother and favor from daddy. Women in strip clubs pull shit that would get you killed in other parts of the industry. They depend on male authority to protect them that is always physically present. They also play stupid catty competition games that are dangerous in other parts of the industry as in other areas people dont have time to play games as results is everything. I always considered these women dependent, kissing up to male authority and incapable of taking real risks. They also show off for a living which is like saying that call girls are magicians and strippers are mere illusionists. And that is exactly what they are. Of course society loves them and tolerates them due to thier subservience to male authority. Also they sit and talk to people who are innately boring and scam drinks for..guess who MALE club owners. They are NOT something I would like to be associated with. I tried stripping for 2 weeks once and I hated the lack of power so much that I demanded they put me back behind the bar, which I was too anti social for as well but hated less than the stupidity of stripping. Its all personal preference. Some women are good at it but to suggest that every woman in the sex industry is a 'ho' or 'hooker' or 'stripper' is so ignorant. And that is what makes America great, blissful purposeful ignorance.

If I wasnt trying so hard to keep a poker face to try to discover what was going on I would have made argument or told off anyone who intimated stripper. But remember perps are cowardly assholes so you cant deflect or counter something that is slightly intimated from superior knowledge (that they should not have). Some black cop in a bar in St Loius said something like that which is one of the instances I am referring to. "And then the rain has to come down for some Stripper from Boston". Ignorant as f*ck as usual. The "rain" my dear ignorant over informed cop, is "coming down" for something a bit more than a "stripper". Try someone who is a survivor of mind control who was starting to recall lost memories before the age of 6. How about married to Satan in a spiritual marriage as an infant? Sound like your average "stripper"? Go to hell moron. F*cking peasant.

The worst of all this throughout was having to deal with people who were obviously less favored than me having power over my situation. That will certainly kill someone off over time and cost them thier sanity. Kind of like being intelligent and artistic and having to stay here in the US during Bush after outgrowing the culture years ago. Yes, certainly a walking death.

Its not that I dont like the USA. I like the USA alot. I love my country, I love every region. I am now in a truck with an old school driver listening to Willies Place, Loretta Lynn, Cole Miners Daughter. The problem is that my country is gone. The USA no longer exists.

I know its hard for people down south or hard line right wingers to understand people like me- you think we are Pinkos or Liberals. Yes I have Liberal views but I also have Conservative or Republican ones. Like many Americans I am a Centralist,which has no representative party really. Which is what keeps the country in a constant tug of war between peoples using parities, which ensures nothing gets done and everything changes every 4-8 years. I hate it really. Its so unstable. Its nerve wracking.
Perhaps down South, as a trucker put it recently, people are still humanized. But many parts of the USA are so taken by big corporations, corporate culture, YUPIes, or gangsta culture that has destroyed what the USA truly is. Its destroyed and then replaced what once was. Even my own New England is barely recognizable to me as a culture or a region. Forget it its over.
And its partly due to the effect of cameras everywhere. Denying that video surveillance in public spaces as well as commercial ones and private spaces has any immediate or long term psychological effect on human populations is like years of denying that the Mafia did not exist or that there was no corruption in the Catholic Church. Its NOT the govt directly thats the problem. It seems in the USA when the govt is amiss then The People have no problem tackling this. But there is a culture now present in our society that is akin to a shadow governing body or authority that is right in plain sight of everyone. Its the culture of corporate, govt and organized crime keeping tabs on and control of the people of this country under the guise of lowering crime and defense against terrorists. Its a culture of fear, intimidation and constant surveillance. And no one but the most educated are able to name just WHO is behind it. The public sense it, like isolated animals sensing thier captors outside the covered cages they have been put in but every attempt to express this is dismissed as paranoia, conspiracy or 'you must have something to hide then' sentiment.

I have experienced the difference between stores or restaurants that do NOT have cameras present and ones that do. I have noted how different that I feel when a screen is off that is ustually on in a restaurant that shows you yourself standing in liine. I have sensed being watched and turned in that direction only to see not a person staring at me but a surveillance camera. I am one of those people that if resting my eyes will sense someone staring at me and open my eyes, meet thiers rand let them know its time to move it along.

One can see the destruction of the US in just the trucking culture. I see it every time I travel. Everything has been infiltrated such as truck stops turned into corporate fast food places who no longer want to cater to truckers but tourists as well. New laws made my eggheads not truckers. The devious pushing out of the old school or owner operators to gain more control over the industry. Creating a culture of young drivers who are under trained, ill mannered, with social habits of isolation and not helping fellow truckers. A creation of a total lack of civility and comradery. The CB radio is very suspect, sometimes I swear they hire or pay off agent provocateurs to get on that thing and make stupid noises, act out aggressively and cause chaos in general. People often turn off thier radios in favor of more isolating tech like cell phones, satellite radio.
The installation of satellite tracking devices (Qualcom, Peoplenet) which may seem like a good idea but if you put one of these in every truck in the US and demand totally according to log book claims being truthful, I believe that economies and markets would feel it as many deliveries have to be done the old way which is get it there and dont get caught. Plus the new laws actually force truckers to do things the old school way by interfering with thier natural tendency to sleep when they need to and drive while they are able. Napping on your new 'work time' period can get you in trouble just as driving on your 'sleep time' can as well.
They want drones not people. Here is a biased yet infomative peice by WIRED. I dont blame them for being biased as they are pro tech by nature. But thier representing the trucker as an old outlaw creauture who needs to be tamed by modern times is ridiculous. This is a sad and very destructive trend in our culture world wide and in many fields. It seems its just to gainer more control over another industry of independent, hard working people who function in a separate subculture. As a man who worked for the Pentagon said of world wide affairs and terrorism: " Disconnection is danger". This as well as the greed of tech companies to make money off anything that can be 'streamlined' in this way is what is destroying the US all over the land.
The perception is that tech is good and somehow god like or angelic in nature. That humans cant run thier own affiars and that paying no attention to people's emotional health or psychological well being is acceptable if not preferred. Soulless WASP bs has taken over the damn world in this way and so has white collars. According to truckers the powers that be have always been trying to pull this off and control the industry, but now they have a means to do so via tech and excuses like safety etc.
The political use of tech under diffeent excuses is NEVER looked at in our culture and many of us- from all walks of life are seeing human beings as a speicies suffer due to this shift.

Not everyone wants to be part of the world of tech driven or tech managed society We are seen as being in the way of progress if not a human evolution. Hopefully humans will in the far future lose thier fascination with tech being God, and at least balance out being human with USING tech a a complementary part of thier existence not to control thier existence. I hope that humans will not have to learn that the hard way through something horrible occuring. But part of me wishes they would learn that lesson faster via something drastic. You have to remember that tech is only a tool-behind the tech that is your new god are humans. So its the same old ape games of aggression and gaining advantage to get more bananas or keep terrirory from the other group of apes. There is nothing godlike in technology and if there is its a resemble to the bit of humans that resembles technology, and I dont see it being used for that or expressing that. It did a bit when tech was new but if anything its expressing or being used for the negative part of our spiritial nature and its being used to enslave mankind.
This is not paranoia. Humans have in large mass never been able to see thier own godlikeness so they seem to turn to Golden Calves or prophets or a king, like the Judeo-Christain concept of 'God'. Tech can assist with human error but it can also interfere with correcting human error by being utilized to oppress people who are victims of it as well as want justice from the parties who have the power of tech on thier side.

Lately I have been putting many subjects into one post. Its due to traveling and not being able to be stable while trying to write. Soon hopefully I can set somewhere and craft something that is structured.

As tech is being used to track and perform deprogramming or behavior modification on survivors of slavery one can plainly see its abusive and like MK Ultra itself as documented many people involved fin it entertaining to toruture people as well as power trip over the grossly unfair advantage it affords them and thier factions. Akin to the military peronell who feel they have a job to do as in using tech in psy ops for 'peaceful conflict resolution' supposedly always outside the US, the people involved in deprogramming a survivor and attemtping to 'reform' them to protect handlers, programmers and other exploitative parts of the situation are THE ultimate cause stalkers.
This may explain why the perps seem so pigheaded or unswayed by their actions being totally in violation of human and civil rights. It doesnt apply to them as far as they are concerned and they have a job to do in an area of something very sensitive.

The TI is supposed to learn that this very covert faction if what rules the USA if not the world and is actually 'God' all respects. The inner Will of a human being either means nothing ot them or they use it against thier target. This is why to start with most TI's are misdirected or left for further isolation in the clutches of this system.

But the greatest advantage they have is no one believing Targeted survivor.
Even though when I map everything out my story is totally feasible, to anyone who is savvy about power structures, crime and human behavior.
I wrote in a post year ago that I was riding a Greyhound bus half realized that the bus was all perps then gassed, then my programming toyed with, poked and probed basically (but not physically) and during this I became conshus long enough to hear and sense what was going on. Then I was hit with air to wake me up the same way I was put out. I was then subtley messed with by passengers. Upon getting on from a rest period a young black male looked at me and his eyes seemed to flash lightening quickly, like one of those glass spheres with electricity within, if you touch your hand to the glass the electricity it attracted to it.
After leaving the bus for the trip at the bus station I got abused verbally by passengers leaving the bus, then a totally different ploy with tactics was performed in the bus stop with the stereotypical perps involved, which included parading in front of me or baiting me with a female child that behaved very inappropriately and seductively.

Who is going to believe that? Even a day after it occured I posted that and I still stand by it due to it being the truth. As far as that kid's eyes, to this day I cant figure out that trick unless it was VERY good tech causing that in some way or as an illusion to the viewer. I know what I saw and afterwards this kid during another rest break looked drained, exhausted with fear and riddled with a guilt that one rarely sees in this world. It was like something that made him human was ripped out at that point.
Many of these people we call 'perps' seem to be afraid or full of a fear that is not normal. They seem to experience something that no one should have to in a 'free country'. Yes some of them are jerk offs or seem to want to get gang initiated etc bu those are the light weights and THEY always have back up somewhere near by. The ones that are much more professional or very nasty and good at being destructive of the target are the ones that sen to be handled by people they are deathly afraid of. If you catch them in that moment you can plainly see that they look removed from thier own minds, bodies and souls with fear.
Human guilt has a solid, heavy quality to it, as in the human containers of such emotions are hiding something they dont want to admit to themselves. Guilt is contained. This is more of an extreme shock emotionally or a ripping open of a door to the human emotional system or 'soul', spirit whatever one refers to it as. What I think I hate most about many perps is that they dont have a solid anchor in being evil, though many do. They perform out of fear, confusion and being brainwashed, which to any TI will equal weakness. Its no fun to be taken down by weaklings just becuz they are in high numbers. The US is infamous for using 'tonnage' to win wars anyway. Low quality tonnage. Hmph.

But no one is likely to believe that even though its documented that the police work with psychics, so do other factions of authority in govts world wide as well as funding for research and experimentation in such factions like the Navy. And the fact I refuse to mention little grey men pisses them off even more becuz I cant be pigeon holed into conspiracy theorist.

And if I write that Boston was at least a year ago now one of the most evil places in the USA no one is going to believe that. That something has infiltrated that area. Who is going to believe that riding on the train I was being tortured so badly that I felt and had a mental vision of a pentagram being burned into my chest area, the area humans can 'feel' emotions from like love or fear or even hate. That from the perp groups there during tactics being performed one can feel a burning, that is the signature they leave and when they go it goes away as well.
All this is most likely pulled off by psychic warfare by human forces or through tech or a combo of both. Tech may perhaps amplify the talents of psychics or it may be that now a system exists to induce such powers in humans not naturally psychic.

And the more I reveal the more I feel the system ultimately wins due to the very purpose of MK Ultra being to gain confession from 'agents', which in reality most likely means programmed persons. So I am ultimately seeking to bargain for my life and my sanity by writing this book or having been tortured so badly, will do anything to placate the oppressor/authority figure.

None of this should have happened to begin with. Its mostly about taking power away from the Target. And a total lack of privacy and denying a TI their secrets or to secrecy IS the ultimate denial of power.
They do such horrid things to the person that if you DONT disclose eventually it will eat you up inside and kill you. but if you DO disclose you have given in to a very important stage in a behavior modification program which you should not be in to begin with.

Either way the system has you doing what IT wants instead of what YOU want.

The ultimate control over human beings is denial and crushing of the human Will. I believe that is what this system is after more than anything else it seeks to accomplish. Since "disconnection is danger" then disclosure is you sharing your very personal experience with the whole world which of course now makes you a non threat as you are 'connecting'. Disgusting really. They are so damn afraid of anyone who can conjure up any competition to thier damn agenda its pathetic.