Well Boston wins again..or should I say Cambridge? Its all the same technique, really. '
Once again I found myself being sexually stimulated along with humiliation, doubt and a constant stream of negativity which ends up with me wanting to start self injuring. This only happens in Boston area and it happens every time I come back here. And just like prior visits back to this area, I ended up being stimulated to the poiint of having to gain release and of course that was along with making the statement in my head "Your only good for providing entertainment for men". And I had to actually recite that myself before orgasming. Ending with "Thats all your good for". As usual in this geographic location, if I attempt to gain another release per MY OWN WILL it is denied as if something desensitizes the area. I then got the ideation that I should go back to working in adult entertainment and/or that I am being trained as a submissive. And as usual whoever is behind this loves me being out of shape. My stomach usually gets a bit bigger here as the food is good and its easier to take trains everywhere. But whoever is behind this in the Boston area for the past 2 visits here has an obsession with my stomach being out of shape. Its like a turn on for them. I recall I posted last year or the year before I was showering at a shelter and getting this same treatment very badly and the ideations were that being older and out of shape was 'the way it is' in life and it was a la natural and this was somehow a turn on or a necessity to whoever was behind this.
Thinking about it acutually makes me sick and I am not proud of the fact that my situation as well as my scars from endometriosis surgeries prevent me from having a much better physique as I am certainly muscular enough genetically to have a very fit tight body. This system seems to want the victim to enjoy the debachery that has been done to them to destroy them to such a point. They want you to indulge in it to partake of pleasure without discipline- but yet this same system demands you hand over your Will. The target is NOT allowed to enjoy life under thier own WIll or to run thier own lives.
To continue I then gained another release as per arousal against my Will, then was given the ideaton about being trained to be a submissive. I then heard the words "You should be tied up in a dungeon somewhere becuz that is love". I rarely hear sentences. And if anyone tries to say I am nuts or finally snapped you'll never get away with it and I will also start telling everything I know about You Know Who and the business this time I will name names so dont mess with me. They f*ckin know better anyway.
After that last one it stopped enough for me to drop the tub and start crying. This is always the reaction I get from this forced behavior-unless I have the strength to take back my WIll and gain release from my own thoughts or to gain multiple releases of my own Will against the system or when it seems the system does not want me to gain such release. Its obvious that this system having control over orgasm is a huge part of behavior modification. After that last release I tried to outrun the system by gaining more of my own Will and strength, only to be met with the words "We say where and when", along those lines. Orgasm is used by this system to bond you to the oppressors as well as to 'seal the deal' or bond commands or suggestions to your mind. Its that simple and its the exact same thing done in unethical deprogramming or abusive behavior modification camps.
After I was upset and crying I rose up and tried to get myself together- the system seemed to also take control of this reaction as well by making it seem that I needed to do that and all this is in the interest of making me stronger etc.
This is of course utter bullshit and more manipulation. I flashed on something interesting after all that: I have this quick piece of footage in my memory from a movie in the 80's I saw as a kid. It was a military man who had this woman in his clutches, some sort of training camp gone out of control. I recall he tied her down and raped her with her boots still on her legs flat to the ground, he was sort of faceless or non emotional when he was doing it and so was she. After that he stated "NOW...you're ready", I think he referred to her training to win whatever excersise this was , and indeed she killed him or kicked his ass.
Sounds hot right? Like that is so hot a role play or a scene from a porn... but it wasnt. I have posted before that Hollywood has alot of sources for thier stories you see and one has to wonder where the hell this comes from....it must come from reality much of the time and then embellished on. Its NOT hot or sexy or attractive when its not UNDER YOUR OWN WILL, or its abusive, without consent and you dont trust the other person. Its really, really f*cked up is what it is. The only main factor in any of this happening to me or other TI's is consent. Trust is another. And that is what the system wants to gain from you by bonding with you. Remember this is psy ops ultimately- its gaining hearts and minds by any means necessary and that includes rape or torture.
After I focused on that memory and then decided to manifest it on my blog everything just ceased...just like that. And there was lots of feelings of safety being envoked etc which I wasnt going to fall for either.
The system wants to make you its bitch- plain and simple. You will start to enjoy what it enjoys and you will do what it wants you to do. I fought this time as hard as I could for a while before having to give in. I fight that tactic so hard that it messes up my concentration on simple things. That is not normal and to say its mental illness when it ONLY HAPPENS IN BOSTON AREA AND IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME I COME BACK HERE would be absolutely ridiculous.
Another dead giveaway: one time I was riding in my friends truck on his dedicated run from out west to here every two weeks. I started to get that feeling, of possession and of engagement. I started to get ideations that I was supposed to feel good about being desired so by militant (!) forces and I was looked up to as some sort of female warrior etc which of course included me being engaged with sexually. The energy was somewhat dark and very overt. I asked my friend where we were and it was some military base area- black ash hills in some western state or something like that I will have to look it up- its documented somewhere. Wisconsin or something around there. Needless to say I just kept my composure until we got far away from that area. It wasnt pleasing to be put in that light, in the position of some whore goddess- like in Phoenix AZ where I was being idolized as the whore of Babylon. I thought that was just a metaphor for some part of religious belief..I dont know much about the Christian bible so I cant say for sure.
Its all bullshit again- they are doing exactly what they do to you when you are little before the age of 6 when you get programmed. Its 'your special' but you are special AND subjegated and enslaved. It kind of helps to quiet discontent about being enslaved. And it wouldnt bother me to be engaged with if it were consenting or non threatening but its all put along with torture and this constant attack to become something one is NOT, which must be the system up to no good ultimately. I can deal with the whore of babylon thing, its kind of interesting- if it wasnt along with torture, sexism and gang stalking...that makes it no fun and UNacceptable. I dont think the acutual goddesses in the ancient rite temples or the 'whores' as we refer to them that men would frequent for wisdom and other positive results would have put up with this bullshit or would have had to. That would have been a revered position not enslavement...but I am not sure either if that is true. What I go through seems like alot of fantasizing or cultural fantasies from a sexist male faction that are not ancients but very American, hung up on the Madonna and thier moms, nuns and whores and cant get passed the American tradition of puritanical attitudes about sex. They want a whore of Babylon in this day and age but they want her to pay tribute to THEM not the other way round, as well as not have too much power.
I blame that idiot Johnny, that kid I wrote about earlier, for making me more suseptible to this system by breaking me down constantly every time he sees me. I was fine and feeling little effects until I started to lose my identity as a traveler and so it was much easier for this system being my hometown to bring me back to feeling abused and captured in the way they probably recall it being before I left and started travelling.
As a result of the abuse lately my mobility is being limited as I am becoming afraid or discouraged from going too many places. I wanted to simply to Central Sq and then go to the beach as its too hot and muggy for me here today. Its right off the train, its not hard to get to. But I am starting to get this fear about going outside of this little area here in town, ideations of fear and something will happen or the stress of someone being mean to me or targeting me down there as well- like trying to convince me not to go anywhere outside of a small area.
That is another thing I experience here- I actually get 'hit' with pain if I disobey, which I have posted is common for this location as well and it rarely occurs in other locations as its documented by me over the years. If I go outside of my usual route or daily routine, like into a neighborhood I dont have business in just for the ride or some other motive that is not expected by this system or predictable I get a slight ideation of a scolding as well as a burn on skin. I usually get burns here on my leg, foot or hands and arms. I have recorded worse than that but it hasnt been severe in a few years.
For the record as well, I was 'fogged' or clouded as i went to write this: the ideation that you should forget about what happened as it will eventually lead to you becoming changed as a person for the good of all and society etc so just let it go and forget..forget...forget.
Of course one must fight this at any cost.
The abuse here lately has been getting worse and today when I posted about my energy being drained from years of this campaign, a quick flashing vision of my old sponsor came to mind, who is an older woman who's life was ruled by the abuse of her late drug dealer husband (who bought her a house and status in Newton which is why she stayed probably-either that or she too was enslaved), and this idea that she was of the attitude that its good that I was robbed of a life and my energy for now I can learn to just live, without any particular hopes or dreams. As well as it fullfills some middle aged revenge older women have against younger women, jealousy and such at youth and opportunity...the rest of this short ideation is that I can now be like her and just coast through life.
I find it hard to beileve that Mary D. reads this blog or even recalls who I am in her busy life with her family etc. I DO believe that its the trickery of this system to use a trusted female authority figure from my past against me. It likes to do that especially here where there are so many old emotional ties that were never severed but I was just ripped from them. Since there was never any closure here, its easy for this system to use 'ghosts' from one's past. It makes sense for this is another reason that we are not allowed closure from the betrayals of the past.
It takes alot for me to post these personal things and its always at the risk of my detractors utilizing it in a case against me for mental illness and insanity. But I feel I have enough evidence as well as can show cause to why powerful people would want to shut me up or discredit me to counter a claim of insanity, but its always something they can use to dupe the public with which is who TI's are trying to warn and to reach with our activism. But its so bad this time--or I am so weakened from that induced allergic condition that I can fight it by myself this time and really it needs to be exposed every time anything like this happens as I want it documented : what is the likelyhood that mental illness is based on location? That effects would repeat themselves in the same locations only? Its called tech or psy ops. And its been documented to exist as well as the worst people in power want it utlized against enemies as well as mental patients and prisons. However, we know from history that inconvenient people who are innocent often end up in prisons and mental institutions dont we?? So where does that leave your argument? It shows reasonable doubt- something that psychiatry seems fond of remaining delusional about as if it did not exist.
I cant wait to see what the psychiatry people come up with to cover thier asses on this one- probably some new disorder. I can hear it now 'locational schitzophrenia'....(Imitate an over educated accent): 'The patient experiences a delusional state when in differing locations as the dopamine in the brain becomes varied based on weather and regoinal changes' blah blah blah. They WILL think of something, and it will sound as legit and convincing as all the other crap they have come up with that under scrutiny doesnt prove jack sh*t. Dr Cameron would be proud.