I just slipped and said I was going to NY in front of staff. Probably on the phone to their little buddies. I often wonder if my mother is still in on this. If these jerks inform her of my whereabouts even now.
She's definately been a stalker all my life. She used to brag that I was always being watched and that "I always knew where you were". And she proved it by actually telling me correct information about my activities at certain times. Who does this arrogant b*tch think she is? She really gets off in sick control games. Hey what do you expect from someone coming from a pedophile family who never faced off her abusers effectively and broke away from them? She's got to scale goat, displace and project onto someone. And its unbelievable she seems to have a massive network helping her. She really is as "sick" as Ghepetti said she was. I wonder if she knows I am again going to risk my safety and.my health to accomplish what she didn't have the balls to di in 1995- face off this system and slay the beast. Again I can take the risks necesary to win and she prefers to lie, decieve and blame others and form a world of illusion where she can feel.she has power.
This is why its so important to ignore me, make me out to be a bad person or discredit me. Making her appear as an authority on me and over me helps protect the abusive system that seems to support her. Or that she seems to have turned to after they beat her down enough.
I ain't afraid to live in the street at 50 and die there.
As long as I have attempted to win is all that matters.
My mother thinks she won this game by NOT going to testify and keeping up appearances. So why did the gs perps in 2005 or so intimate she took some kind of payoff? You didn't win, you got tired and sold out.
A gun in the mouth and a blood splattered note are preferable ends compared to that nonsense. Oh and a pyre. Can't let anyone get the last word by leaving a body, like my controlling family for instance. She used to intimidate me with the idea that I would die first and she was going to have me buried in the family plot against my wishes of creamation. It was just another way of holding someone down and raping them, just like was done to her except she never used sex. But all her abuses had this creepy sexual effect to them. Now that I know bettter it really makes me want to vomit.
But I know that she was also never allowed to heal by this system and that her abuse was more severe than mine. All that matters is that the US military and other state actors think they can just do as they please and experiment on their own people. Whoever does the high level programming, or whoever comes after survivors believes they have the right to destroy us and create lobotomized zombies out of bright, youthful, attractive and talented Survivors. They really are threatened by anyone being BORN with elite qualities that doesn't fit into the same tax bracket.
See you in NY you pieces of human garbage.
And don't think I ain't ready for other TIs to ignore me, be mean to me or try to lush me out becuz I am ready for all of it.