Impossible to Get Anything Done Here As Well As Even Leave, Only Looking At Suicide Content Gets Relief

Its a short post as I dont have time for in depth research but its simple: economic hopelessness is a number one cause of suicide.
http://nitawriter.wordpress.com/2007/05/11/suicide-rates-of-the-world/

And another thing is that in these countries, people are stuck in a culture that certainly does not allow them to go out and hunt for thier own food. People are kept in the cage of civilization and an industrialized society but when economies fail, they cant defend themselves as our ancestors would have.

Again this creates a feeling of hopelesness of not being in control of your situation, or your survival.

This is partially why TI's commit suicide.

These networks are so extensive that TI's are basically abducted and shoved into being surrounded daily by strangers who know them or seem to know alot about them that control thier lives and dont allow them to grow normally as human beings. Much of the classical conditioning is based on the Learned Helplessness experiments where dogs were shocked and chained so they couldnt escape and became depressed by thier lack of being helpless to control thier situations.

It seems that the focus is on certain people, that TI's are the exceptional subjects who do not accept thier situations and become just depressed and give up. This makes for a subject that will grow and flourish even within the constraints of such a situation. The gs system is therefore looking to actually create human beings according to their specifications.

I noted something as I was looking at these sites and charts on suicide- that the usual mind control I am under, the usual heavy handedness that is here in this Metro Boston area lifted IMMEDIATELY upon my viewing suicide material. I have been so mind controlled for months now I have not been able to seek medical attention, get a lawyer or defend myself against anything that has happened to me along the way. I am constantly controlled, watched and being behavior modified using isolation and harassment, classical conditioning and psychological warfare. The goal seems to be to get me into school and get me into some position of responsibility. My reading about different religions today seemed to gain a small feeling of 'approval' from whoever is behind this and they also liked the fact I wasnt working on activism exposing gang stalking or MK Ultra etc.

I note that on the MIT public computers I can get very little done that I planned to get done and I often lose focus and get onto some others subject as a diversion. I have spend hours today looking up Islam and Judaism, for some vague reasons of doing a post or starting a campiagn to get all Middle Eastern religions out of our culture as they are not European based and only cause wars constantly. Good idea, IN MY SPARE TIME, but NY Bioethics Commission is coming up and I dont have spare time. I also wanted to spend today cleaning up my Homeless TI blog as its not very informative and mostly consists of my whining about various homeless scenes.

Why am I not able to keep focused? Why am I constantly diverted?

Why is it that on Sundays, when mind control influence is low, I plan to leave the area due to knowing that I am controlled here, am getting dangerously overweight and do nothing but go to day shelters and sleep a few hours, eat, do laundry and perhaps get some computer work done.

I am also being guided to stop hanging out at Harvard Sq with the pit kids or whoever is there and sleep at the airport consistently, and being pushed into going to UMass from there. I am being prevented from buying a laptop computer to write my book by something telling me that I can get Mass Rehab to pay for the computer once I am at UMass.

I am being courted by a 25 yr old male of Muslim backround to settle down and have children after only knowing him briefly. This all equates with giving up activism and not telling my story.

One of my many external hardrives with my documentation on it has mysteriously just stopped working. This is very dangerous what is going on here. The threat is that I will never have the opportunity to go over years of evidence and review memories basically and expose what was done to me. The entire community supports this system and various people including the hospital who was dismissive and mean to me as well as people working in day drop ins seem to be supporting this immobilization of me.

If I cant get help for my health the hope is I will be stuck here. If I get too overweight to carry my weight plus backpack, I will be stuck here. If I am so tired I can do very little I will be stuck here.

There is a constant campaign to get me overweight, tired and bonded to this place so that I can only go to school and think about nothing else. I wouldnt doubt that more attempts will be made to destroy my years of documentation of what has happened to me.

Also, I am so controlled at OTR through punishment/reward as well as not being able to sleep outside due to Harvard being dangerous right now, that I have had to form a new personality to survive at On The Rise, someone who is NOT the real me. In fact I usually dont have a very strong sense of myself anymore, only a vague sense of who I was. I exist in a cloud, a fog that is fully supported by the entire community.

Its clear now that this is exactly what Dr Cameron was working on in MK Ultra. To destroy someone's mind and then reform thier personality. Torture is used, sexual abuse, isolation etc etc. I can tell you what all that experimentation in the past has led to: a system of forcibly deprogramming mind controlled slaves using abusive deprogramming methods such as have been documented as formerly used by cult deprogrammers that was made illegal due to it being unethical and abusive and breaking human and civil rights laws.

This is done using all of the gang stalking system: in person psychological warfare using a massive network of human beings that seems to span the country- every city, every state EVERYWHERE YOU GO. During Bush it would take a week down to a few days for the stalking and harassment to begin- in places like Gainesville Florida, they were waiting as I got off the Greyhound bus and mobbed me consistently from there until I left. I was so surrounded in Gainesville it was like being smothered by people. And the African American perps that surrounded the bus stop I was at there were very nasty and very..callous about their jobs, and what they did to people for a living.

Chemical warfare is used to help destroy the mind and the health of the TI. During Bush being dosed with psychotropics in spray bottles was normal especially in Boston- and especially around Kenmore Sq and even IN BOSTON UNIVERSITY LIBRARY. These mild drugs seemed to make the mind more impressionable to the effects of remote influence via technologies.

The remote influence that is used, that is certainly from the use of technologies, has become consistent during Obama's presidency. The effect is more subtle but constant. Behavior modification never stops now and its at an accelerated rate. The tech works in unison with every other part of the campaign against the TI or that the TI has been exposed to. Remote sexual stimulation now simply enforces feelings of shame, humiliation and helplessness against the captors that has been instilled in the TI (myself) by years of anchoring, sensitizing and forming these associations in the mind.
There is no need to beat the TI down now becuz the person is now completely fooled, under the control of the system via what is basically cult mind control.

Conformity is being pushed very heavily as well as the idea of equality. That I am not important, that there is a big world out there and that what happened to me is not such a big deal in the long run. That I should 'assimilate'. That the world is a great big place, like a vast ocean and I should find a place in it, by settling into my situation and moving on instead of trying to defend my individual self.

I know now that those of us who want justice from what happened during Bush as well as who want to defend ourselves from this system have no chance of becoming part of the mainstream or gaining any economic opportunities or status that it offers. If you fight this now, its not like it was in years prior when you could fight authority but still live among it, in subcultures. This system seeks to control the entire culture and this society.
I fear that those of us that do not want to go along with this cannot merely 'drop out' as years before. I get the impression that we are going to have to disappear completely and go underground. Its totally hopeless.

This system will NOT allow anyone who is not willing to give into total mind control and assimulate into this collective, to 'exist' within its borders.

An entire country or state is being formed BY TECHNOLOGIES AND PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE. Perhaps this is just the jail yard for those of us who are designated to live this way for life due to being pesky, inconvenient victim witnesses.

So I am assuming that Boston and Cambridge are now totally off limits for any TI who wants freedom or a life under their own Will, myself especially as my entire problem originates here anyway.
Fair enough. I was planning to leave and change state residencies anyway and try to leave the country. I know this system is trying to prevent that. My being in ill health is being used to keep me here, the fear that I will not be able to get health care if I leave the USA. Its a joke really becuz I CANT GET HEALTH CARE ANYWAY IN MY OWN HOME STATE WHERE I HAVE INSURANCE.

What is this, one of these power monger's 'Most Dangerous Game' sessions? That's what this feels like sometimes even though I know its got all the signs of being a deprogramming/reformatting campaign of MK Ultra methods used on a person who has high level programming. Intellectually I know thats what is going on. My mother is a damn DOCUMENTED RADIATION EXPERIMENTEE FROM THE NAVAL HOSPITAL IN BETHESDA MARYLAND USA in the 1950s. Its glaringly obvious that I have the story pretty much straight here. But every day I somehow get diverted.

This is what kind of damage is caused by being threatened early on by various people NOT to fully live what is going on for fear of being labeled or put away. You have to use alters to survive this and do activism safely.
And I know that pushing me to fully disclose my activism as who I really am is a trick also. Its part of forced integration. If I lose other parts of who I am, parts that are preserving my identity or parts of it, and simply define myself as this targeted person who lives for this activist movement, I will have shed all other parts of my personality, thus the system succeeds in forced integration. I have chosen a 'self' to define myself with.

Was it worth it? The brain damage, the loss of memories, my pinky finger being cut off so now I dont write or draw, the lowering of my intelligence and loss of multi talents?

This system wants average people, it doesnt want the supermen it creates upon programming human beings. Someone warned me in 2007 that one is only allowed to have such powers if your still "working for them".

I am sure society in the know sees this as a very beneficial way to deprogram mind controlled programmed slaves and make them normal, average 'people' who can integrate into society without being ABLE TO USE OUR KNOWLEDGE TO INTERFERE WITH THE SYSTEM OF MIND CONTROL THAT RULES THE PEOPLE. I was told by this same person that "Well, you're either with them or against them". I assume when one fights three levels of suicide programming and wants to define one's self by ones own Will power and vision that since that is no longer working for 'them' that this equates being against them and thier system.

Tomorrow I wont even be able to write something like this. Only on Sundays or at 2-4 am during the week is this kind of realization of my predicament possible. And Saturday nights are getting really bad, I almost bought it last night (suicide), I was more serious about the ideations. And these are no longer suicide ideations based on feelings of paralyzing emotional or spiritual agony, becuz THAT I can fight. These are based on feeling I cant fight this and I can never win, I cant act on my own Will or that I am useless.

Tapping into my going out with a blaze of glory warrior attitude or part of my nature is different than the situation being hopeless and my failing. I think the difference is one results in me writing my expose and THEN committing suicide out of sheer pain and the latter results in my simply quietly leaving this body as a loser in battle without bothering to leave anything behind due to it being pointless to do so anyway. You can bet that creating these feelings in me that result in the latter reaction is what they want for sure.

Time to cut ties with this place, ditch my insurance cards, change my address and dont ever come back. I cant stay in a place where I keep getting stuck in the mud and cant make headway. I think seeing Sheryl Rosenburg's face in mine that day and her just giving that sneer was traumatic as well as going back to NEMC (Tufts Medical) and having the entire place basically just dismiss and disregard me. This older lady in the hallway sighed at me walking by. Its mind blowing to see that nothing here has changed yet I have so much as well as the movement is making headway with Bioethics Committees. Boston and Cambridge just treat me as an extension of where I left off after leaving each time. Seeing Kim react by hiding her face the first time she saw me and the next time she saw me just looking at me like 'you dont matter and you arent even a threat anymore' tells me that I havent got the power I once did.

I think that all this activism has effectively discredited me as victim witness against anyone locally that helped destroy my life I had dirt on. Everyone is acting like they dont have any thing to worry about anymore.

Perhaps their only goal locally was to destroy my looks, my figure and my intelligence and since that has pretty much been done, and my chances of a future are gone, the local people pretty much dont care what happens now as long as the opportunities I had years ago are now never going to be available to me.

Lou Gheppetti told me that locally at least, the campaign was about destroying my dreams. He mentioned very mean and with a snide tone "Not ALL of your dreams will come true now..but some". Its very 'Under My Thumb' type of idea. 'Now youve got some diamonds, and you will have some others, but you better watch your step girl or start living with your mother', that old Stones song. I took what you had and destroyed what you had and now am ALLOWING YOU as the controller of your life, to let you have SOME things in life.

That is how people treat me, consistently, across the USA and have overtly since 2003. And there is not a thing a TI can do about this except keep exposing the situation and try to provide evidence. I have even been told this entire ordeal is a kind of sensitivity training program to see what its like to be black in America. Now THAT is a leftist piece of propaganda isnt it? Do you see now how this system keeps operating on Targets just as it did under Bush, except now the content follows the present administration.

This is not about morality or reform, it started during Bush when I was deprogramming as par the course for mc Survivors waking up and defeating suicide programming and it continues to be just that. The excuses for their behavior during Bush were based on that administrations ideologies and now the continuation of the same program or project is using excuses in the style of the current throne holders. Its called brainwashing and its bullshit.

This is about a project rooted in Project Paperclip and its intergenerational. But the brainwashing that goes on is just ridiculous.
I don't think during Bush, this project would be being utilized to brainwash me, often through electronic rape, coercion or sexual arousal and humiliation to attempt repeatedly to get me into a sexual relationship with an African American male (Somerville MA, St Patricks Shelter this happened at) or to convince me to give up my Will and my life in the interest of the ideal that the African American or 'black' community needs more attention and help than someone like myself does, so give into brainwashing for the good of society. (San Diego California on a bus). The attempts to get me to be with a black man as submission to this system and to 'know my place' in society occur in different locations but you can bet its usually somewhere like MA or CA.

Like I have posted for years THE HARASSMENT AND BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION NO MATTER IF ITS OVERT AND IN PERSON OR IF ITS FROM THE BRAINWASHING FROM TECH, FOLLOWS THE STYLE OF THE REGION OR STATE/CITY AND THE CULTURE OF ITS POPULATIONS. And this is a rule of thumb that proves itself to be a clear pattern repeatedly through traveling to different locations and returning to those locations.

I have been having trouble getting a post done from the other blog, that documents an experience in the shower of the day drop in I go to, where upon needing to relieve myself sexually as part of my routine in the morning (so I don't get aggressive and act out in public or become suicidal both of which will occur in the east coast region if sexual release is not gotten daily), I noted that I was not being allowed to complete this task without the focus of my final burst of energy (orgasm) being directed at the president of the USA. I usually all these years just think about Jake, as its natural due to the system not allowing me to move on by encapsulating me in the time frame it took over my life. And besides, before he turned on me, he was one of the only people I could trust, so its a great rebellion against this system for me to still direct my sexual energies towards someone not only of MY OWN CHOOSING Willfully but one of the few people that was genuine with me for a time.

This system seeks to completely cut the Target off from anyone who was 'real' to them and create a sort of totally mind controlled robot who is loyal only to 'The State'. I have literally been sexually abused through tech and coerced into basically accepting The State as my ruler or receiver of my sexual energies. Sounds alot like what they do to people in prison with guard rapes. Of course police are also inserted into my visions when I try to release sexual energies..not anyone specific, just that authority figure head in general, and of course they represent the militant end of The State.

While I was in Brighton I noted that I different people were being 'inserted' into my visual fantasies usually just prior to leading up to orgasm. Mitt Romney, McCain and others. It seems like some sort of psychic prostitution, sex slavery or even psychic groupy system, and of course its all against one's Will.
The best cure for this is to find places that you can get the health benefit you need from the release but does not seem to have remote influence present and there are still places that dont subscribe to being used to behavior modify Targeted people who happen to depend on homeless services. Remember not only do these people get govt funding but many of the homeless drop ins in Cambridge are founded by Harvard graduates. Big surprise eh? There may be a connection due to that academic institution.

Also there is a constant push to get me to stop focusing on any chosen kink or to focus on who I want to focus on in my fantasy and to get me to once again become simple and average like everyone else, as in making my sexual release connect to being with a man who loves me and will marry me, its used to 'normalize' me and associate me with the average institutions of American life, like marriage and monogomy. Which makes absolutely no sense as sexual fantasy is supposed to be about living out things you would NOT really do in real life, and its supposed to be one of the only truly private places you have left in a life among other people. Humans should be able to have sexual fantasies or any kind of thoughts that do NOT get revealed to their closest or most intimate. Humans need that privacy.

I have had times in this system where I have experienced being completely devoid of inner dimension or thought. A complete mental wiped slate with little or no thoughts. THAT IS WHAT THIS SYSTEM SEEKS TO CREATE. Its actually alot like the movie Universal Soldier, where Vietnam vets who died in battle are re animated and mind wiped to be used as robotic soldier servants under total mind control. Actually its exactly like that, and knowing the US military and other state actors involved in this as well as other hidden factions, I wouldnt put it past them to pull a thing like that.

There are alot more horrible things that go on or have happened I dont reveal to the public yet either. You think you know whats going on...ha. You have no idea how ridiculous this is, how far they go with this.

And still I keep fighting. No one is going to make me a bitch of the state or tame me or use me as some sort of presidential and celebrity psychic sex slave and then at the same time coerce me into appearing normal and living like June Cleaver.

Didnt I try to illustrate what the country is becoming here? Its a world where corruption and crimes- heinous abuses, are being perpetrated under very good cover. Not to be detected by the public, and with an appearance of creating a good, clean, law abiding world. That is NOT what is going on. Its simply a new way to get away with things so nobody sees. That is why the papers are full of govt officials getting busted constantly now. Its to give the appearance of the NWO working to create a better world.

All that has occured is that they have found ways to commit atrocities using the human mind as the crime scene- that and public spaces.

You better get hip to this new way of being sleazy on the sly becuz after they convince everyone that this NWO has cleaned up society its going to become evident that nothing has changed. If it had I wouldnt be writing this- I would be working in a counciling job helping women get out of the adult entertainment industry by deconditioning them from mind control and brainwashing- and doing art on the side. None of this would be happening to me.

Here is the Obama incident, the original Wordpress post: http://onmc.wordpress.com/2011/05/15/disturbing-incident-concerning-orgasm-sexual-submission-and-the-state/

And at this point in this game, dont even revert to grossing out over what goes on with homeless women in showers. Its alot better than homeless people who DONT shower and if you cant be grown up enough to deal with the realities of being human, female and taking care of your body then go be prudish somewhere else. My routine is very sensible as far as I am concerned. Americans only want to percieve of things as 'sensible' when they are immersed in a totally unrealistic puritanism. I am NOT going to get fat and have heart disease or bad health becuz of some bizarre American childish attitude towards the human body. This is about life and death and normal rules dont apply anyway. You think I wouldnt want to be living in a house with some hot guy? This is war people and you do what you need to survive.

Also consider that during Bush the sexual arousal was often so severe that a TI would be forced to masturbate repeatedly, against thier Will, as a form of systematic rape to gain control of the person as part of the beat down phase of gang stalking. These are all well known tactics of war and totalitarianism and fascism. At this point, my orgasms and sex life couldnt get any MORE political!