rage may be the only way to get disclosure

OK before you go siding with all my detractors did I also mention that towards the end I asked Dr Emmerich and another therapist to help me take my creative talents and make constructive use of them. I was already becoming comfortable with 335 as a place to paint and I was growing and even taking vocational testing to go to UMass. I was becoming comfortable with the idea of taking any talent I had and using making productive use of it and I needed the guidance of a therapist to do that. Again this was ignored if not discouraged.

I can imagine that what I have posted here over the last few days will give everyone just the opportunities they are looking for to bond together and say ' oh its good what was done to her she was really crazy' or whatever non artists come up with to validate thier way of life and thinking over anyone else. None of what was done was legal nor was it right. I did nothing overtly criminal and if I did so why was I not busted and charged? As far as my apartment what they could have done is to have the cops come up on a disturbing the peace as I got noisy sometimes and liked to dance occasionally...but that would look silly compared to Porter Bellys across the street wouldnt it? And how does me being somewhat outrageous or eccentric validate not fixing the mold in the apartment? No matter what I do I am wrong and every person who is in on this is going to bond together.

I have every right to be rageful and I will express that. If people would only pay attention to the whole story and not measuring things by normal standards then there wouldnt be any judgement of me that is so harsh.
I expect my mother especially to do whatever she has to to cry innocent and the criminals like Jake or Julie will be quietly excused from any blame as they were both trying to run a business as well as will be exused with 'you shouldnt have gotten involved with her'.

Go for it. Take whatever I write and do whatever you want with it. I was being treated like shit all these years anyway and me disclosing any information especially in a manner that shows how angry I am over being mistreated is going to be used against me in every way possible. I knew that before I posted and dont care anymore. Take whatever side you want and sympathize with who you want it no longer matters to me. I know that I was gas lighted and screwed over so badly as to alter my life for the worse forever. People can say what they want. I was trashed withot a life before I posted that and the system used every excuse in the book and now I assume it will use any other excuses it can find.

I asked for help and did everything society asked of me to improve my life. I was stonewalled lied to and misdirected as well as used abused and exploited.

People like my mother will hide and lie as much as they can and everyone else will just have the sentiment that I was some mental case that they had to write off. Its the same every time this happens. People mistreat the survivor/Target and everyohne just waits until the person discloses the story and then they sit around and bond over denial and getting thier stories in line.

This is why I totally disregard any and all opinion of me. I have had enough people tell me what was done to me was wrong and tell me how it went down. I dont need the publics sympathy nor do I care what side anyone takes. Most people will take the side of the socially acceptable parties like Julie and Jeanette and Jake. It doesnt matter what htey are or what they have done..it only matters that they have connections to the legit system and they have money and come from rich families.

In fact I woulndt doubt if I was being pushed to disclose in this manner with harassment just so everyone could turn around and overdramatically run into each others arms and agree that I am no good to begin with and its ok what happened to me as I am a throw away or crazy or whatever. I dont care what anyone judges.

I have a story to tell and I did mention taht I will not win most likely consicering how everyone who screwed me is connected to the legit system and they will all huddle together and support each other. Guess what? I dont care nor do I acknwoledge any opinions.

Its never going to be considered how I have suffered for years. I just need to tell my story and then either leave the USA or check out as I wont have any supporters due to the influence of my enemies and the deceptive nature of gas lighting.

This system tortures people for years and people close to you betray you and if you make any claims they act like they didnt do anything. I had people changing thier stories early on enough to know that by the time I got to disclosure they would be all ready to defend themselves or fully deny any wrong doing.

Like I said just ignore people and tell becuz people do not want to admit to destroying someone through nasty sneaky means like this.
The subject matter of programming especially is so fantastic that I dont really have alot of cred anyway.

Its the way I let off last night probably.
Too bad it comes out the way it does...like I said I had been kept silent by being threatened and intimidated anyway so perhaps the only way to disclose was through the power of rage. I would often try to tell what had happened or write it down only to be blocked constantly by the past intimidation.

As long as it comes out I dont care how it comes out or by what route.


Also I found out what was causing my condition last night and for those of you who are following along at the level of understanding MK Ultras part in this you might find this interesting or those of you interested in the effects of mold exposute.

See my next post.