I am unraveling. It was bound to happen and you can either keep reading and get what you can out of it or you can choose not too becuz its going to be ugly.
Ugly but honest.
How long do you think a person can withstand years of harassment, isolation and stalking with intermittent torture?
I at least am smart enough to understand what is happening to me.
In the end my detractors, what small amount of the population even know I exist, will chock it up to mental illness. You cant stop a cover up. There is too much comfort and reward for the public to believe it. Believing the truth would be a sacrifice and that is supposed to be the Targets job not the public's.
I will do whatever it takes to get the info out I feel is important.
You realize that whoever set this up already knows this is the outcome dont you?
Kids working for this system try to console me be telling me that everyone will go on with thier lives and I will become a "controversial writer".
This system is expert at having psychological profiles on their Targets, why wouldnt they also be able to predict the outcome of their actions?
Targets are toys in the hands of this system and they are also a way to prove its worth and power. Every destroyed life is a testament to thier power and omnipotence (if not omnipresence as well).
This is why giving in to behavior modification and 'forgetting' everything is offered as the only way to stay alive and sane.
I cant live forever traveling at this age nor living like a gypsy. Nor can I continue to not work. I cant work if I am harassed all the time and I cant stay at shelters if I am harassed. I cant go into a roommate situation becuz the few times I have if they arent perps in on it they just wont rent to you. During the height of the harassment Criagslist in Boston wouldnt even allow my posts to stay up trying to get a roommate and across the country people seemed to know who I was and not rent to me.
So be prepared there probably wont be anymore of me being a stable rock for anyone. Survivors who are heavily targeted usually dont last long and the ones who do I dont understand how they do it. The US is hopeless and my situation was always a matter of time. You got the dirty cops and the worst parts of the system just waiting this out so I wont be a problem anymore. I have sensed that all along. Its a waiting game with most of these people.
However since I went through three layers of suicide programming it really doesnt matter to me if I am part of a future reality or not. I just dont understand why I was kept alive...probably for human experimentation. I have seen what I suspect is a similar thing with other people.
All I want now it to tell what happened and then find a way to get a pyre to disappear into. My looks cant be returned to me nor can my future.
And there are alot of racists and especially sexists who need to see me destroyed in order to feel they exist. So really there is no future. Unless I find some other country where I wont be harassed so much but I hear TIs dont get any relief if they move abroad.
Scott used to say that I feed into this too much, that I should try to live my life anyway. He tried to give me examples of other people who had beat gangs that were "keepin them down". This is more than just a gang.
I think my story will be enough.
I have heard comments like "gee, do you think she needs to be rescued?". Actually I would refuse rescue probably as programmed people are trained to
-go with programming with no concern for themselves
-fight till the death
It might have been a ploy to keep me isolated so that I didnt seek rescue.