Advisory On Free Speech Rally In Boston This Weekend

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Please be advised that this written work of mine is only THEORY. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no belief in anything posted here because if I did I would have had legal action taken by now-until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.

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Sunday, December 27, 2009

My mother, the human radiation experiments and the frame up

One of the most disturbing factors in my story is my mothers part in this. Anyone who does a tax audit and a little paperwork or checking phone records could bust Julie in a second and everyone knows her deal that knows her.
Same with Jake. Just check his finances or ask around about the way he treats women (which I didnt know about due to the fact that he never pulled that crap with ME) all these people are actually quite careless when it comes to how obvious it is that they are or were criminals.

My mother is a different story. Late in life she went to get her degree in accounting from Bryant U in Waltham MA USA. She had been doing accounting for years anyway when not bartending.
I believe after years of the same 'bad luck' that I have had she just...whatever was left of her that was humane or gentle just disappeared. Over the years I could see the change. It was hard for me though becuz after years of her abusive behavior I was always enganged in a war which she perpetuated. Its as if that is ALL she understands.

I cant function at that level of aggression all the time, not engaged in negative behavior I always preferred to produce somthing creative as this is the best way to show your value. Its no surprise that her vocational testing came up 'lawyer' and mine came up 'dancer, artist, writer'. That woman loves to argue just to..well argue. The scary thing is that she much more likes to win at any cost. She is extremely intimidating at 6 ft 1 with a mans voice.

She has had to defend herself all her life against men. However instead of fighting the real enemy namely our sick family and her father, she always put it on me. Projection, displacement I believe its callled.
If her father was a child abuser why shouldnt she be one too? Everyone tried to tell me for years that I didnt realize how messed up my family was but that is what people do in families like that one- there is no waking up to reality and if there is whoever is losing control will come after the person.
A perfect example is when my grandmother and I were trying to make my mother understand that I am a grown woman now and she cant talk to me abusively. When I was living there she would say things like "and you wonder why I want to slap her"...she just automatically took all of lifes aggressions out on me. When we tried to make her understand she cant act that way she started crying and whined " I feel like I'm losing my daughter". Sooo- if you cant abuse your kid your losing them? Yeah, losing control- a control you need to compensate for the father you could never control or your other family members for that mattter. (my life is ruined no one is going to be spared-all you can do now is deny deny deny).

She was always toying with me. I see that now. There is a reason that people tell me she's "sick"...its validating at least.

And the problem is that sick people attract other sick people. I cannot believe how many people who mess with me involved in the harassment make intimations concerning abuse and such...I believe these people see the value in each other and thier actions. Like minded abusers who will join in becuz some woman does this to her kid so they can too.

When my mother still had some humanity intact, she discovered she was a human radiation experimentee as an infant during the 50's. My grandparents met and married in the US Marines and the Bethesda Naval Hospital is where she was treated- its also listed as one of the hospials to perform unethical human experiments. She did the best she could and talked to the Dept of Energy for a few years. She got her records which she said were just about to be destroyed (no surprise as its documented that records concerning the rest of the experiments had been destroyed forevcer leaving it unanswered what exactly was or is going on).
She worked very hard on this .One day I saw her and asked about it she then claimed that she was "followed" and just dropped it after being harassed.

One has to understand the mental make up of a woman who has been terrorized by males from a young age comapared to me who never grew up with a bio dad in the house and moved around alot making strangers her family as well as having the first 5 years of my life in foster care. I did not have the bond with the handlers in the family like she did or the abusers for that matter. My mother may appear stronger than me but she rarely is able to stand up for what she believes is right- its easy for males or authority to intimidate her.
The other thing my mother doesnt have is LOYALTY or if she does its to whoever can give her what she wants. Not uncommon but to sell out your kid is a bit much.

She will also intimidate others like the men in her family to get what she wants. I was often controlled in this manner or just left out of the loop of info all the time.

So for a mostly MALE AUTHORITY FIGURE like govt or police or feds or whatever to stalk or harass her is an area that she cant deal with. She is also afraid due to a lifetime of intimidation.
She really does identify with the aggressor alot of times: she had this horrible habit of tailgating people and I think she did it becuz it bugged me so much. She is a drama queen in the car while driving and stresses others out to gain control- one day she looked at me with these snakes eyes and said " they say now that tailgating is aggressive driving" and it was like she was annoyed by thier petty laws that she couldnt get away with intimidating people anymore.
This is the side to her that is so disgusting. She knows what she is doing but its just how can she get over. And instead of figuring out a way to go to Harvard extention school or excel she would rather expend energy fighting with people all the time. It never made sense to me and it never will. Its disgusting really- the only time it came inot being useful was for something worthy-AND HER BEING A HUMAN RADIATION EXPERIMENTEE WAS WORTHY.

What was done to her was outright wrong- to all victims of unethical human experimentation. I was not so proud of her when she gave up at the first sign of intimidation. It may have been the smart choice but it was not the right choice. To get justice you have to make it perhaps the meaning of your whole life and you may even die-however this cost is little becuz to me, if your not seeking the truth then what kind of life is it? And if she was harassed the way I was I dont understand why she doesnt just bust out fighting until the death....life living under someones thumb so heavily just isnt worth it.

Well, lets think about that for a minute. She was always better at being sneaky and underhanded and having no loyalty whatsoever.

Another theory I thought of, and it kills me to think of this as a possibility- what if because she got chased out of the class action lawsuit she was offered compensation instead for taking part in more human experimentation or at least some cover up?
I had a tarot card reading which of course totally for false security during being with Scott the abuser. It was something along with tabloids that I used to escape the unpleasantness of my situation. This woman must have heard what was being done to me locally because we were discussing my mother and it came to the subject of money- she looked right into my eyes and said "But she wants it doesnt she" . All along the lines of my mother doing anything for money.

Her attorney is described by her as "creative". He's been with her for years and I dont like him as he tried to intimidate me once into stating in a court case that my mother and I fought and had a strained relationship soley due to the stress of the car accident. Once again she thought she could intimidate me into being nothing but a puppet to say and do what she wanted. I said NO outright. There is not way that EVER that woman was going to get away with what she was doing to me and I knew then that lying about it in a courtroom was wrong-now I see that years later if she had any problems with me she could just add this as an excuse.
The performance in court was worthy of an acting career- she even wore this blouse that buttoned up to her neck to look frumpish- after years of seeing her in tight Danskins over her size DD boobs at Ken's pub for years on end there was no way I was buying into this BS.

I never forgave the attorney for interfering and trying to use me for her ends. She still retains him and in order to sound like the family has money she refers to him as 'the family lawyer'.
Well, there was another car accident years later and only my grandparents were in the car and this Indian woman hit them allegedly- I asked why my mother had anything to do with this new lawsuit and my grandmother explained that they were going to say that my mother was in the car when she was not. My mother has had multilple lawsuits and one has to wonder.

Did I mention that during the lawsuit when her and I got hit by a drunk driver, that lawsuit where her attorney asked me to lie, after I got my 3000 dollars that she handed me so I have no idea what it said on paper, after that she actually called me on the phone and asked if I would contribute to her new house her and my stepfather had bought in Warwick RI, USA. I was 18 years old and making 4 dollars and hour basically livng like a typical neo hippie kid in Providence- she knew I had nothing to speak of and it was also offensive because my stepfather seemed to at a certain point turn on me. I dont think he understood what he was dealing with and he also had never had children. One of the main reeasons I left home was becuz I was sick of her blaming me for her and my stepfather fighting. "I blame YOU for Stevens drinking". Well I wasnt buying into that either, so I left KNOWING that without a scapegoat around they would have to deal with EACH OTHER and sure enough in 4 years they were divorced.
So I am not welcome in this house but she wants me to give her money saying "its your hose too"..who are you kidding? When I refused she said "Your being very petty Rachel, very petty"..as you can see its been disrepect since I took my first breath.

SO this kind of behavior is what I have dealt with and this leads me to believe that she wouldnt be above selling me out especailly if she thought I would never live through it or come back from the dead.

Another thing that was alwasy suspect was my grandmother keeping money under the grandchildren's names. This may be fine if they are under 18 but after that its illegal I think. However with a degree in accounting one could accomplish anything.
My one grandfather, who you'd think was the biggest bastard of all since he was the main abuser, actually tried to warn me about this- I was taking care of him after his heart attack helping out and he just kept bringing that up and looking at me. I think I gave my grandparents some joy that they did not get from the other children and grandchildren becuz I was interested in them as individuals. I also inherited my grandfathers love of books and education. It paid to be an outsideer sometimes.

One day on the phone my grandmother was talking to my mother and I somehow managed to test my theory about a suspected large sum of money being hidden under my name-either that or it was very early on gaslighting of me. She got nervous and said "thats an awful lot of money, honey" I think it was 100.000. I later suspected that this is a great way to make me look like I loaded during a federal investigation surrounding friends of friends for money laundering.

I can hear my mother now, trying to pretend to protect me while really doing damage control: "SHE DOESNT UN-DER-STAND" and then trying to expain away the situation.

The only reason I dont understand what is going on around me is becuz no one tells me what is going on while gas lighting me- to the point where anyone in thier right mind could see its a frame up. Duh.

Well due to personal reasons I couldnt see it then but I do now.

What was most scary is during the harssment she kept saying it was due to the federal investigation around my associate's friends, then on the phone she wud get really creepy and say things like " I am very interested in the way your mind works" and she also kept bragging about having a military credit card.

She even brought a gun into my grandmothers house in Waltham, MA that she had for protection in RI and due to the laws being different had to keep making a big drama over it being across state lines. One day I asked about it and she said, with the exact same look as the tailgating comment "oh, no one knows about that" like she got away with something- she also got rid of the gun I assume.

As I got older during these years she did come to think of it become obssessive about self defense. She would brag to me about the gun but also about being able to defend herself physically.
I wonder if years of guilt was starting to get to her and she feared me therefore had to make it clear.
The sad thing is that I always loved my mother as I am her child and to me she was just perfect. Yet I was the only one she could never accept love from, she always kept seeking it from her parents in an endless attempt probably to heal herself. In recovery I even offered her a chance to wipe the slate clean. I asked for just one or two hours with a therapist as there were things she did I did not understand. She refused multiple times at the chance for reconciliation and instead escelated the life long war between us she started with me when I was just a kid, back from the foster home in her care.

Her and others have to understand not only is what they do wrong, its outright frame up and persecution to keep hurting someone and then try to look like you did nothing wrong to the whole world. I wont take it. I never did and I never will. They do what they do as if they never grew out of the 70s. Its still about how badass you are.
My mother used to be in on harassing this short girl called little Debby at Kens. Everyone was so mean to her becuz she was so up on ludes that she acted kinda goofy but she was cute- she was sleeping with someone I dont recall who and this got her made fun of as well. I will NEVER forget my mother making me go over to her and ask her if she was retarded. Funny as you may think its not funny becuz she was so short and naive looking that she actually registered as another child to me. My mother was always joining that whole bitch crew in making fun of her- saying she was retarded and whatever else. That was my first experience with harassment and people getting thier children in on it. It was distasteful to me and I never wanted to do it to anyone ever again.

That whole family needs to learn that questioning and thinking do not make me 'like ya fatha' it makes me smart and perhaps not only smarter than all of them but NOT EASILY CONTROLLED.

I can see it now- deny deny deny. I was always willing to take not only resonsibility fo my actions but to get the help I needed to self improve- and that was my business and I didnt compare to anyone as NA teaches us that comparing is just keeping yourself down.

I grew up, everyone around me did not and when the shit came down in 2003 or so they chose to save their own skins. Also if they didnt like how crazy or eccentric I was then tell my therapist to do her damn job and stop stalling me or acting like she never went to school at all---but wait. There are reasons that a therapist cant help me with things like hypnosis to recover memories or flooding etc.
and THAT is what this is really about.

What is interesting is how important it is to not only deny me a future that is good but to make sure I never tell my story.


In conclusion after years of dealing with an intergenerational abusive family I would not put it past her to do anyhthing to get money or a way out.


I also want to mention something else about what is going on with TIs. Everytime we give in to the system and confess under duress as I am doing lately we ensure that there is no privacy anymore. We ensure that this system of covert harassment to get confession, which I suspect is really part of a behavior modification program, will be valited and used to torture people in tne future. I believe the sole purpose of gang stalking is NOT to gain information as the system already has information- it is a step in behavior modification that ensures that the system redefines the person and has control over them NOT an independant individual. It ensures that 'the state' if you will has a hook forever inside you and you always will respond to that. The greatest thing that this culture is obsessed with right now is conformity and social control. There are people who really believe in order to make a better world certain things must be controlled. So I have to tell my story not as I would like or not for myself but because the harsssment and psych warfare has been so bad. I believe its very important to prove that this system can get a confession out of anyone.

Basically I have lived like someone in jail for years and n0w am turning witness not by my own will but due to harassment and believing that the PTSD and suicide ideations will subside if I give the system what is wants.

As you can see by my video I just uploaded I am pretty beat down. This is not about information its about proving that INFORMATION CAN BE GAINED BY TORTURE. So everything I write I do so in the mere hopes of surviving but still feel that the chances are there I may die. Its a total power trip the system is on right now and they will do anyting to validate it. its also some very fucked up peoples way of following the Dr Phil type movement where everyon gets into everyone elses business and 'helps' reform them by harassing them and breaking them down into disclosure. Then from there the system, as I heard on Dr Phil who I cant stand, one of his guests talked about a domino effect of honesty, that she dealt with her sexuality after dealing with her drug abuse. Funny I tried to do that according to that method and I GOT STALLED, STONEWALLED AND GASLIGHTEED THEN TARGETED. So the rationale is bullshit. This is about gainging confession via torture end of story.

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