St. Francis house, during the day. I heard staff talking and he saying to her "She's spoiled" in response to why I look so aggravated today. To be honest I have slept on a cold floor for the last few nights. I am tired and as a TI everyday is always worrisome and stressful.
If a target still looks good and has a manner about them, people in a scene like this can use that against them and say these sort of things and cause further resentment towards them.
Then there's the guy who looks at you and tells you to smile it cant be that bad. He was like a volunteer who also stayed there. I lost it and told him that if he was trained he would know to leave people in here alone. I also told him he never knows why someone is in here. They might be on drugs, mental or fighting oppression, like I am. He had to keep trying to win and I told him and everyone in there who thinks that I don't know what is going on in the community that I unlike them, aint no tap dancin smilin uncle Tom motherf*cker and then I made it clear that I had plenty of names and numbers that could be used anytime. THAT shut everyone up.
The black community is supportive but always leave it to them in this country to ultimately support rich powerful white men in thier suppression of someone. Malcolm X referred to them as house slaves who like it just the way it is...these people act like they are always fighting the system but time and time again they bow down to the jail system, the probate system and all the corruption those ask of you.
Then I went upstairs and him and his friend came up and strategically there were only two seats in all the rows, a guy moved on sight of seeing him, just so this antagonizer could sit next to me, and the only other seat was an empty one next to his friend. The red flag was the shady looking guy moving on site without prompting. I somehow got someone to move and this guy next to me spet alot of the following time telling black perps white friend that he could not talk to me, and he had already talked to me downstairs. I told him what they had done.
Do you understand what it is like everyday to have people corral you, box you in and constantly try to get you to talk one way or another? Constant control. Its like they WANT me to ruin lives with information. Why would they want that?
Later I had to deal with the same guy conveniently sitting in front of me at Intake/Woods Mullen Boston. It was on purpose. This guy getting in my face from the beginning was just like Shelley...dragging it out from Mullen to WLP. These people seem to enjoy brandishing the fact that you cannot kick thier asses or find out who they are to seek thier enemies for allies. This is why the target is kept away from anyone being friendly with them, the less you know about anyone the less you'll have to fight back becuz they certainly know alot about the target. It IS an information war at the top level and then it is utilized by this lowly element to make it appear random. Later I heard him talking about a meeting...12 step. So that explains it. I got slammed in narcotics 12 step when this turned 24/7 years ago. That would fit...that people from there still have outside business interests at heart.
NA was full of people who knew exactly what was going on and helped destroy me. I have heard since that this is common. That alot of NA is entertainment industry influenced and alot of people in there may be clean but they still have outside criminal enterprises.
I once asked exactly where the money goes to an NA old timer....I got a look like 'don't ask'.
What do you expect? You have to be a criminal to do drugs...if you weren't criminal minded before getting into drugs will force you to start thinking like one..thier illegal remember?
You have a huge group of criminals in one place, now able to think coherently...with a front. Great. There are alot of people in that program who were part of what happened to me and also knew about it and just kissed me off goodbye left for dead.
In fact..there are a few other instances where I recall people who were being harassed in there either dying or disappearing from the scene after being burned and screwed over and then no one spoke well of them ever again.
When you get someone newly off drugs, you get a great mind control victim. People are in a state of extremely heightened suggestion. Alot of times they are like new babes and waiting to be molded..NA is the only thing that will get certain kinds of people off drugs. But after that, I wouldn't mess with it unless you want to be a full time cult member.
I now realize that NA, essentially being 'brain washing' was something that would've broke my programming. But its also why I instinctively hated the cult like feel after a certain point and always kept saying "There has got to be something more out there". And I felt trapped in a system again, and everyone in there is so complacent with just staying there. I wanted an NA II. I wanted spiritual evolution....I was told all thier was, was to do the steps over again. And then again after that. It just wasnt enough, especially when you notice that peoples behaviors are no good, they are not growing and the program regularly excuses certain people based on money. status, family connection to wealth. I know from my programming, just by looking at the symbolism of NA from the AA beginnings that Bill W. and the Dr. Bob must have been Masons or something like.
The way that it preaches for you to become improved by your own will, brotherhood, and definitely silence in the form of anonymity. And it being separate from the system.
Now NA is moreso than AA, part of the state, govt and Industrial Medical complex. There is no way you should go to a meeting becuz a court tells you to. Nor should you take meds and try to honestly do steps. Of course I approached NA with this sort of outlook. In my inner systems the symbolism meant "safety, silence, protection, will, fraternity". Drug addicts being more flashy, more of a jail house mentality and criminals by learned behavior I don't think the original AA set up works for them. I mean it works but there is alot of dishonesty and being public and messing with outside interests. NA is now a system unto itself. And the fact it is institutionalized and supporting Big Pharma spells lack of free will. That is NOT what those symbols are supposed to mean. Its a business and a cult. If you go in, go in get clean and grow beyond it. Its hard brainwashing to break however and if you are a tbmc survivor you may find you are stuck.
One of the things I was working on for a career choice was to try to form something where there was exit or transitionally counselling for people in the sex industry. I now realize that so many of these people may be tbmc survivors its no wonder when programming get broken by 12 step work, the systems and the person wants to grow up and break programming further.
This is why alot of TI's tried to tell me in the beginning at my first TI contacts that the perps go after people when they get newly clean. I now believe this may be why. It is the beginning of breaking programming and they do NOT want you to go further. What you need is a good therapist and lots of reconditioning, love and time. Lots of time when you are a survivor of programming. You'd think that people would want a reconditioning system for sex workers who need to understand a new way to live. Its very suspect that this society needs to keep sex workers down even when they want a change. You have to ask 'what are they afraid of''. This would also explain the great many 'perps' in NA and the pushing to get people in psych drugs.
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