The mold that is here and the humidity..I cant think to well in this weather, one of the side effects of the prior mold exposure.
Last night was told that word had it I left becuz I wud have been thrown out if I did not. I live like a nun everyday of my life and every time people get the opportunity I am made out to be this badass, trouble maker. This serves their purposes also, becuz more people will want to get over on you and terrorize u to make a name for themselves. The system uses these types to thier advantage.
This morning the men that were there were doing small things to annoy me, but I got one of em alone on the train. I waited till other got off train..I went and just stared at him. Then I said some shit and asked him " are you a pedophile or do you simply need to get out of jail and that is why u r into this kind of shit"..Its unbelievable how much confidence nobodies have, and there are alot of them who know about what they think is my story, when they percieve that you are this throw away female...this extends to the abused trouble making female from an abusive household and this sort of scapegoat works well in Catholic, Judeo-Christian areas like Boston. No one questions the patriarchial structure and their actions, they side with them immediately. The female that is the throw away is always portrayed as hysterical and a problem. She is stupid, to be never taken seriously, kept down, revictimized, constantly mocked. This is supported by a vast huge number of 'regular guys' in this society.
Once a female they are secretly threatened by is down they must keep her down every day every minute.
WHat amazed me was his self assuredness, and complete lack of any kind of understanding that I may one day get back up on the horse and win. It was like a complete non concept to his mind.
These people are the biggest idiots I have ever seen. And I cannot beleive the sheer numbers of them..
Anyway he shoots back " I've never been to jail to begin with"..then I repeat my question and he cuts in " no, are you?" when the part came about " are you a pedophile?" The thing that creeped me out was again his devotion to lies...just like he seems totally devoted to the idea I have no power, he is devoted and fully beleives that either I am a pedophile or that the system has put out such a nasty doubt or story or whatever they did, that it sticks completely as a problem for me...the way he cut in and said " No, are you??" it was..disturbing really.
And a few months ago when I was filming one of my journals, while pan handling this shady guy had a kid with him and as I looked at him he, with much sadistic amusement, pointed at my camera and said " dont get the kid " or something intimating that I was trying to film the kid with him. The journal is just all me ranting about gangstalking and maybe getting some perps on there....there were alot each day on that bridge near Fenway.
Remember this is ALL about break you down with terror so you can be rebuilt in a more docile and manageable image.
Nothing you say seems to phase these people who are in on it..they seem convinced of your permanent downfall. That you are all done and thats that.
Thier reality must be broken.
Becuz THEY ARE WRONG.
THEY LIE AND THEY ARE SIDING WITH DECEPTION AND UNTRUTH.
They seek only to undermine those that have been victimized who now wish to gain revenge. They want to make sure you cant get it.
As he got up, I had forced him to seek getting off at the next stop- I said " you'll get yours for doin this kind of shit.." As he got off he just waved his hand and made this face like 'yeah right'...I have seen this before - an MBTA employee did this once, after I had posted something pertaining to all the union f*cks who helped bring me down initially in 2004,5,6.
Yet, the bastard got off the train didnt he...always get then when they are alone. And usually with me they have always many against me alone, either a small gang of women or a bigger group men. They serve as psychological harassment groups.
This reaction may indeed be becuz he is in on it and it is his function to be a jerk to a target, but it is the unfortunate result of the validation of police and criminal alike. These are the sort of men who worship more powerful men much moreso than any woman.
They are the ultimate mental slave in our society and they are of great use to the system against any freedom fighter..they live for validation from daddy and bigger brother.
Men are weak in these areas and the greatest hinderance due to this fact. Women will go along but always there is a bit of 'I know what they are doing is wrong and as a woman I must go along but dont condone it' in the eyes. Some men give this also.....in general every asshh*le who thinks they are part of society yet still is insecure about their part will be in on the hunt of a female who is way past the losing point or beaten down. Its easy for them becuz it isnt hard to poke a dead lion with a stick and feel like you are actually brave. Especially when the harder stuff has done the dirty work for you and has declared the kill safe.
These people are cowards..TI's keep saying that. But if there are enough of them, like hyenas after a kill, they are damaging to an already wounded target.