Yeah its the typical day here in San Diego this kinda sorta border city. Actually if I was to go down to San Y Sandro on the border I would prob feel a hell of alot better. As usual on the borders of Mexico or Canada I get relief, in fact a whole different feel. This plus what I read today lets me know that its most likely that the whole country is being hit, targeted and messed with. It was the perfect time to ruin someone's life...due to the fact that no one can help me now due to everyone being f*cked by the economy.
I now see fully that people like my mother, Jake, Julie..everyone who understood the way the world worked KNEW that when Bush and the war got in you had to sell out your fellow man in order to survive. That is why people who were savvy were leaving the country..not during Obama but when Bush got in.
I am being hit very hard right now and like clockwork I looked at the time and sure enough its like 2pm. Its the same everyday now. Like around 12 or 1 it starts sl;ightly and raises in power like 2 and really has control of me until like 4:30 or 5.
The ideations are the same lately. Its all about sexual stimulation. It actually feels like I am having sex with no one there. I wouldnt mind this so much if I was in a happier place or enjoying my stay here. A few years ago I got this affect but it was due to some very naughty musicians sneaking this sort of thing into thier music..the difference? I can CHOOSE to listen to that and CHOOSE to partake in that OR I can turn it off and NOT partake in that.
I am getting hit with something similar (but not as powerful) that feels like a cheap tech imitation of black magic for sure. And that may piss me off more than anything
- that its a cheap imitation
-that its totally impersonal
-that its enslaving
Its been obvious for some time to many smart people in the US that 'black magic' if you will has been duplicated by what seems like technology. If they are real live psychics they are piss poor at what they do and need to off themselves right now or go get a desk job.
It could actually be normal people and the system has experimented enough to be able to give them imitation psychic ability. It just sucks and feels totally...cheap. There is no ritual to it, there is no ancient pagan feel to it. It does not feel like the male 'god' or human male rep of that energy trading off energies with a female. It just feels like an abuse of authority to get a person to do what they want them to do. That is why its so easy to fight..after a time of being subdued.
Men dont want to understand this especially American men, but women have alot of power over choice. I mean u can rape women all you want, you still are not approaching them and getting chosen or seducing them. Your robbing them..its not quite the same as being accepted for the act is it? In fact at that point youre still a loser who has to take due to not being invited to take.
That is what this feels like. Its some force so desperate to control me as a woman that it does not have the power to seduce effectively or act in a manner similar to ancient pagan ways of females trading energies with males.
In fact its obvious that its just a male faction using sexuality to control female for the simple act of control and to push through thier authority...it has little to do with sexuality or true magick in any form. Its dry, unimaginative, controlling, unpleasant and pathetic. Its used for torture plain and simple, not to gain power or energy.
If you want to beat this system, I suggest you read up on your occult and find out who your ancestors are and what kind of magick or ritual they practiced. I mean ALL your DNA. If you are considered one race but you even think you may be someting else start looking at that ancestory. Warfare has no time for pride or PC. I dont care what your culture dictates about race and shame connected to it.
I notice that the ONE thing that this system cannot break is our primitive roots to your ancestors. Which in science terms is our DNA. People dont realize how much the people who gave birth to us, what the lines of humans before them gave to us. Its more than superficial stuff. There is a reason that the Asians pray to thier ancestors. Its not superstition..look at it as DNA. And I dont mean try to contact dead people, I mean try to dig deep into those double helix becuz there is INFORMATION there that this society wants you to ignore or not to be activated at all. Much of it is dormant and may become active in battle for life or a threat to your way of life as in now.
I know it sounds racist but if you are targeted NOW is not the time to assimulate, unless you are joining forces with other TI's. I have a feeling that all TI's have some genetic similarity anyway and if that is true then we are more help to each other than we know.
But even if we are not genetically similar we are all in the same situation so there is the bond.
But when TI is alone, society is systematically ignoring us or we have been isolated from them. This is dangerous as the perps use this to become your new 'family' or friends or handlers just like a cult would. ( much of what they do is exactly what a cult would do after kidnapping someone to brainwash them into making it appear that they joined willfully).
We MUST fight. Most people dont understand this situation and many do or will think us mentally ill. Instead of seeking avenues that do not work, lets use ones that DO while we think of or try to get those avenues that seem shaky or uncertain.
Most likely your whole life has been taken away from you and this leads to suicide or the perps forcing you into a group you dont really want to be in.
As you know I am considered youthful and attractive by society. In the beauty business or sex industry I am considered washed up and old but to most people who are average I am still attractive. Whoever is in 'charge' of me or has hijacked me via this system really wants me to go back to the adult entertainment industry.
Or worse..the ideation is that all the humiliation and torture I have suffered is to 'train' me to be a sexual submissive in a group, or in adult entertainment.
There is the usual 'choose between Heaven and Hell, good and evil, God and the Devil mere female!' set up, where I can go the ways mentioned above or I can 'submit' not to bad male domination but get married or be with one male who is like a husband and be private with him, dont look at other men, be shy around men, be shamed around other men or meek.
BOTH of them are taking a woman's power away and both are taking all the torture and breaking down of the female TI and making her 'submit' to some sort of male authority.
Knowing that I dont want to go back into the adult entertainment industry, this system is betting on me becoming a 'good little woman' type in order to survive. This is exactly the same thing over and over again. In other instances I am tortured with submitting to 'evil' or self destruction and if I do not want to to so then Jesus is offered as some sort of savior.
This might be impressive in biblical proportions--if it wasnt on a time clock, and didnt differ from region to region, city to city even burough to burogh.
In other words its the same con job bull shit that any conman who runs a cult uses to get control of people.
Usually between these hours I am tortured with sexual stimulation that also includes inducing alot of feelings and memories concerning the way I have been treated, how I was shamed, how there is talk of a sex film with me in it on the internet or was one that everyone saw, that I am all washed up or old now--this is also sealed at the end of these commands or suggestions with the idea that I should accept who I am now, become comfortable with the changes, not write my book or make waves, I should accept who I am now and move forward. If I go that way, then I should conform and become a professional and have a stable man.
If I buck this idea it returns to torturing me sexually and with shame humiliation etc. Going towards being a submissive in some sex group --each stimulation is meant to enforce what a good idea that would be and how good that would feel and arent I tired of being alone and not f*cking? That even though I am washed out, I still have a face pretty enough to be a submissive and those kinds of people wouldnt be mean to me they would love me and have sex with me and make me part of their group....if only I behave. As this is happening there is so much shame involved that if men pass by me on the street I cant look at them.
Its obvious that its total male domination but moreso again its TO DESTROY THE WILL OF THE TARGET.
Always its back to that as the same end sought by this system. If I am a highly sexual female who has been abandonded where I already had abandonment issues to begin with and all my associates, family and lovers abandonded and betrayed me especially brutally this time as if to end my life (and that is exactly why everyone had to be so cruel. To end who I was so this system could create a new Me) then its the perfect way to break my Will down and then offer me a way to be handled. I can either be exploited and enslaved or be safe..either way its all about me being broken by the system.
Broken by the system using torture. The use of sexuality is the ultimate weapon. They know this. They know that if a person is isolated and sexually stimulated enough they will fall into the hands of the enemy. This may be especially so with females. They think I am going to be easy due to being in a female body.
They also figure that ruining my looks a bit makes me managable. Deprived of the prime years of my life, dumbed down through isolation from intelletual stimulation, mold exposure and stalking/harassment I am now slower and not so quick as I once was. They are calculating that my spirit will be a bit less bright now and that me being older and in the very last years of being attractive at all, that I will go for what I can get in these last years.
They actually want me to view myself as an older woman who is desirable....but I better beg for it. I can have these last years, if only I behave. If only I am as ASHAMED as society thinks I should be of myself , if I am as SHY as an older woman should be as she has to realize she now must give up power in American society as youth and beauty are everything.
You do not understand who many people find this whole bullsh*t erotic, or see nothing wrong with what is being done to me.
Beautiful women have no rights especially in the USA as they are percieved as ethereal love objects, floating above reality and not subjected to it and coversely not making any realistic impact. In this society beauty isolates.
This is such and anti art society, so afraid of classical art or the artist themselves, that the USA covertly condemns beauty in all its forms.
Look around you. Flowers and trees are only allowed in parks where they are controlled by landscapers.
Art is for museums and only people who are 'into' art care to see it daily.
When I was in Port Huron MI near the Canadian border, I watched some of their tv channels and I couldnt believe how much art was part of daily life there. It made me feel alot more comfortable that is for sure.
I am deathly afraid to leave the USA as what the gang stalking has done to me has made me close to retarded. I am in no condition to learn a new language when I can remember anyone's names or if I ate breakfast this morning. Julie used to tell me that her CIA covertly employed father started suffering from Alzheimers like symptoms at like 35 and she always thought it was suspect. The poor kid claims she had to take care of him and kept recalling how he would ask for lunch when she just fed him. People try to turn people against each other in gang stalking and yes, Julie was a jerk. But no more or less of a jerk than I was or anyone we knew..we all had to grow up and we were growing differently. This system however came crashing into all our lives and f*cked with us all in different ways. I dont think miss Julia thought this up all by her onesies, as she foreshadowed the plot for me and rolled her eyes as she did so. Mentioned something about me 'going crazy'. She knows I am not as stupid and whoever set this up thinks I am and probably just went along to get whatever she needed and get rid of dead weight from her past (me). A business decision is one thing...but what this system did to me, as it didnt just include Julie and her people, it included my own family as well as Jake and his people. And other things happened that are way beyond the realms of decency concerning any organized crime business decision.
If you want to whack me thats expected. If you want to supress me or have me have an 'accident' or put me in jail. All those outcomes are NORMAL in a story about organized crime. The sh*t that happened to me goes way beyond what any one deserves. The horrible shit you see in the Godfather or read about in novels is cake compared to what has been done to me.
And that might be so that no one ever believes me, in fact most days I dont want to believe it myself. The reason it has to be so brutal beyond any human decency is that not only is this society jaded and desensitised but it has been made so by exposure to the realities of the worlds horrors. If this system did anything less to me, I could name names and claim who sold me out and be believed. Note how I am forced to live my life as normal as possible to avoid being locked up.
What was done to me is so beyond what people concieve as possible that if I were to disclose without being very careful about the way its done, I will be as believable as an alien abductee. And I dont even believe those stories.. And even if one did believe them, its not something that your average person has to deal with everyday or even once in thier lives.
Behavior modification is very very nasty and psychological warfare is also not a party you want to attend. No matter which side you are on it changes who you are. Permanently. That is not enough for this system. They are so obsessed with results, so greedy and selfish and so concerned with NOT being exposed by someone who makes a claim that sounds credible, that they will 'finish off' the person by making the modification of Self total. They have to tie up the loose ends and not leave anything to chance.
Thus the victim witness has to be placed in new identity..not for her safety but for the safety of all who sold her out, betrayed her, and destroyed her and what was hers. This system seeks to RE-place you not just place you. So that not only do you not want to make any claim to your old life you dont even remember it really at all.
The brain damage that is induced through stalking, harassment, gas lighting, emotional trauma as well as chemical warfare like dosing with low level psychadelics and even mycotoxins is what eventually is worked with as a base to form the person's new 'self'. This is why the Target is constantly conditioned with classical conditioning as well as isolated.
Anything to keep them from exerting thier own Will.
I have been thinking lately how the foster family I was with from 1 til 6 were heavily involved in all this. Even years later they were creepy. And I am very suspect about my foster father working at Raytheon as well as his son in law as well. It just comes up and I dont know why.
Anyway that is what happens during the day. Its awful.
And I notice as I leave the city to go to a store in Chila Vista that the insanity of downtown leaves me. I keep wondering how downtown is so targeted or maintained with tech. Its the most efficient I have experienced except for Boston and that place hits you like a sledge hammer. Its impossible to function there. Being the home of the revolution and smarts being valued highly, they must have felt that supressing NY and Boston were of a very high order in making the USA into a police state, and using 'classified' tech to do it. What better excuse than anti terror? Conspiracy, I know I know. I am imagining all this right? Thats why I dont
do the big picture like that, becuz its useless. It IS just a theory, there is no proof. I feel alot more confident about claiming these technologies are being abused to supress victim witnesses like myself than suggesting that 9-11 was a set up for the police state, and the targets strategically chosen. Forget it.
My point was that I must be an idiot (or I must have been hella tired from travelling) becuz only on my way out on the train today did I note that there is a Naval Base or something like that right outside the downtown. DUUUHHHHH. WTF? I must have been in travel mode and that equals living under alot of pressure, leading a double life (on damaged programming with a damaged brain) and using DENIAL as a daily tool. I said USING denial not being IN denial unconshusly.
That must be the reason why the place is so damn managed so efficiently with tech. What the hell was I thinking? Downtown is soo bad. You jsut cannot fight the 'influence' down there. One is forced to become part of the homeless suffering down there and lately it feels like I am being groomed to be or its suggested I become part of like the police force or something lke that. Security forces. All this sort of recruitment type ideation: like I am strong and different from average people, that I see things they dont and I enjoy protecting people who are helpless etc so why not start going that dirction and that could be my new life-- that society needs someone like me.
That may be partially true or fine and good but its intersting how such interests like that or ideations or suggestions leave me when the train gets me the hell out of downtown and away from the Naval Base.
And then of course I am being groomed for slavemistress again like in other areas. SO I am to have some sort of bizarre life as a part time depraved sexual submissive slave and the other part of the time to be a hard ass security professional? Its ridiculous, the way that the influence over the human mind changes just by locations. Its ridiculous.