Please be advised that this written work of mine is only THEORY. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no belief in anything posted here because if I did I would have had legal action taken by now-until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.

Also it's obviously not clear enough to readers that I've put up a disclaimer for years that says I'm often sleep deprived when posting due to my lifestyle as a houseless Traveler (and my age as well as health issues). This should be taken into consideration when viewing my posts.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

I think this advice is good advice. However for many of us its hard to do anything else but just keep pumping out what we see going on. For me and people in my position we have absolutely no lives and no freedoms like other citizens.

My greatest worry nowadays is daily wondering how I am going to get the ever increasing pain in my liver/right abdomen area taken care of in a city that obviously hates my guts for what I know about them and for the consequences they will always face for what they did to me. Should I leave to another state? Why? At least here they might not kill me on the table as I fear they might in TX or CO or Cali. Yet I am so controlled here I cant move hardly. I can only slowly move about with my backpack daily- to shower, eat and work at the computer. As whatever it is internally makes me increasingly tired. And I know the environment in Boston is not a good one. I experienced being here after the tidal wave released radiation from Japan and I experienced that I became ill for one week straight that coincides with that event.
Being the child of a radiation experimentee, where both my mother and myself are the only two people in our families to have chronic, severe endomentriosis as well as she now has thyroid disorders which is common among people exposed to radiation- I can assume it hits me harder. Add to that what my body went through with that three year mold exposure.

And in 2009 having a full blow anaphylaxis due to being given Bactrim when they should have looked at my writing down I had chronic liver disease and a history of mycotoxicosis from the mold exposure. This is not someone you give a Sulpha drug to that is risky for an allergic reaction.

I have wanted to sue for this for almost three years. Yet daily I get sidetracked. There are other things I have documentation for that I want to present to a lawyer but my fear not knowing how to find the right lawyer as well as how can I go through all these lawyers having to sort the bad ones who suck and cant win for me due to simply not being good lawyers as well as sorting out perps who will ensure I get as little as possible becuz they really serve the system and not me? All the while daily running through my head is that I am going to blow that too or they will, becuz no one is going to believe me on anything becuz of this work.

Daily I am bombarded with the idea that I am now fully discredited especially locally.

I know what they want. They want me to just confess any and all information on the internet without legal counsel or support or anything. Becuz THE POINT OF MK ULTRA IS TO INTERROGATE 'AGENTS' AND THAT MEANS PROGRAMMED, COMPARTMENTALIZED PEOPLE. Being a MILAB survivor, someone wrote me an email, refreshing it was to read some straight forward honest information instead of the loads of correspondence I get that I cant even look at on my emails becuz alot of it is going to be people asking for help I cant give them as TIs or perps doing time wasting/diversion tactics.
The woman informed me that the reason that my brain was damaged on purpose by that moldy apartment and I have been chased, hounded, harassed etc is so that the continued human experimentation can SEE HOW PROGRAMMING BREAKS DOWN.

And that sounds reasonable. During that MILAB on a Greyhound in the southwest, circa 2008 perhaps (its posted on this blog somewhere and backed up many places elsewhere) as I posted I was gassed and knocked out yet somehow during what was happening part of my 'woke up' to a conscious enough state where I could take in what was going on vaguely.
There certainly was a psycho surgery of a 'poke and probe' nature as well as seeing how I would react in a blacked out alter state. However, the manipulation of the brain if you will to get these results that I could perceive and genuinely reacted to, were DONE VIRTUALLY SOMEHOW.

After that I was tormented in places like St Louis where it was attempted to push me to suicide. When this failed and with hte coming of Obama, it turned to a hard core behavior modification program to get me to forget, be silent and move on with my life. It felt like being a garbage dump that gets covered over with trees, grass and houses but still has some very bad stuff not being dealt with underneath.

I have fought all these things very hard for years. And there are other unpleasant things involving SRA which actually due to my having some memories of that as a young child both doesnt surprise me or shock me as the experimentation and torture have. The nature and content of the torture in St Louis were partially SRA but the focus seemed to be to just torment me to insanity or suicide.

Now its about ensuring I dont get outside help and my health puts me in real feeling of 'your going to die so why dont you tell everything you know'.

Under the guise of course that I must release this info in this way NOW due to the oncoming events and elections. Thats fine but why cant I do it with legal councel and outside help?

Its just more modification and cult mind control. To finally gain confession.

I was 'waterboarded' virtually.

havent I been through enough? Why must I give up all this information I have worked hard on? I know.that.if.this information is just released that way that I WILL suicide sometime afterwards. DIRECTLY DUE TO BEING FORCED INTO BETRAYING PROGRAMMING. They know this. Its I eaither give in and.die.later or die withholding information. The 'comfession' would be from years of sexual abuse, torment and being marginalized from society. kept.from.getting healthcare. Its basically a deal where if.I confess everything indiscriminately on the internet then allowed to.get healthcare to.prevent my getting sick and dying. THE WAY THAT DOCTOR TREATED ME RECENTLY BY TOTALLY ABUSING ME HAS ME UNABLE TO TRUST SEEKING HEALTH CARE ELSEWHERE LOCALLY for.the intermittent internal bleeding with sharp pain and lingering liver pain. All on the same side. I am not being allowed to seek medical care. I am instead being held prisoner basically until.I release all the information.I.have. Which if I do makes me thier bitch for life. Even my myself in the beginning of.this post has caused me to.connect my 'giving in' to confession with years of sexual abuse, humiliation, shaming and to convince me of a low status in society based on the smear campaign and circumstantial evidence only. That I should accept this low status. Also throughout this the theme of my being taught a lesson.or.getting.what I.deserve for my immortality so featured in the cover story/smear campaigns. This might be popular with the public especially the males but not the real reason targeted. So I am being forced to destroy whats left of me that I have.for myself privately by being.threatened with imminent death if I do not comply with a confession without legal counsel Watch no one care. Watch this post change nothing. I am tempted to.go abroad sick just to see.if the gang stalking and torment is as bad.

1 comment:

Mike said...

Rachel, do you think of me as one of those trying to waste your time, asking for help? I don't think you do because I have offered to give you food, money, to be a friend. Don't you get tired of doing everything alone?