I see now the futility of what I am doing.
Around 10 minutes ago I awoke from a nap to find I felt a feeling of people making merry, the way I used to when I had a life before all of this.
This most likely means that there is some method of influence going on from this area human or tech that is very much responsible for coloring my mood and my lack of focus here. Becuz I am getting more confused, more depressed, more overwhelmed by memories and more feeling fucked over staying in this area than any where else.
Also I am finding it hard to leave this area as usual and I keep getting hit with quick visions of UMass.
I find it almost impossible to focus on getting doctors appointments made for my health issues of which three are badly in need of attention. I also am finding it difficult to focus on getting any sort of lawyer to see if there is any recourse in any of what has been done to me.
Its interesting that I am so managed. Its especially difficult when I am walking outside and seems to subside lately when I get indoors, of course this being a holiday the conditions of being targeted are most likely easier to deal with as I dont believe the system has as much power during holidays purely due to lack of manpower.
I also realize as of right now that I have been manipulated to the point where no one is going to believe me. Most people dont want to know or wont get into contact with my work, so why am I bothering and continuing to insist on writing a book or any actions? Why can I not get a lawyer or other such actions but I am always encouraged to give up information such as telling my story by writing a book or in desperation- in a video?
Not enough people are going to see this or understand my situation to help me anyway. The people who got over on me or helped manipulate me like Jake, Julie and my mother, key people and anyone else who knows I am not mentally ill have moved on and this whole project is useless. Everyone is going to disavow knowledge of what they did and keep the rewards they have from thier part in it.
My mother will agree that I am mentally ill like Danny and probably by now has 'lost' her records documenting her as a radiation experimentee connected to MK Ultra (look at her phone records if you really want the truth). Other things will be used to prove her correct.
I will continue to be segregated and ignored in society even though I am not mentally ill but a victim of manipulation.
Its overwhelming when so many people in a nationwide population seems to want you to stay down or to not get any justice.
How can that many people be involved? People who work in jobs where they are supposed to be helping people? That is the hardest thing about this fight is one cannot BELIEVE that people employed in medical, EMT, social services would be that cruel. Its unbelievable really. And to have clear memories of the truama of encountering that is what drives one truly crazy over the years.
This area has a hold on me far too much of a mental hold.If I stay here I will experience nothing but more behavior modification in the direction most beneficial to the system.
No one is going to believe me anyway just like my mother said.
Look at my life. I am still being abused and kept down and its New Year's Eve- I should be going to parties looking nice and having fun. Instead I live a life of being tortured every day. No one wants to admit that there is a NWO happening. People have basically been shocked out of reality and re-immersed in a very false reality akin to a prison but people do not want to see that.
This area is so thorough in managing me mentally that its impossible to live outside of its control. It does not surprise me this area is so heavily managed as its probably feared as one of the places that would have fought the NWO moreso than other areas of the country. Also there are valuable resources here and mind as well that must be controlled at all costs.
It makes sense to manage this area to heavy handedly.
Interestingly a few days ago I was looking at the MA state flag hanging on an entrance to the actual rails of the train, green line Copley. day after Xmas trying to find something open, somewhere to go. (biggest problem for homeless is that on holidays and sundays we have no where to go,these days are not fun for us.)
I looked at the shield with the native american on it for a bit and then realized that the blue shield looked like a police symbol. As it came into focus, the similarity, I felt alot of the effects of the remote influence fade away. The moment that I had a strong connection with the idea of the state police here in MA. Its like much of the influence lost its power and believe me, this place manages me into the ground basically moreso than any other state or area.
true there is lots of emotional connections and baggage here to manipulate, but its something else.
And so I believe that alot of this is being perpetrated by the state police, probably in the interest of higher ups. ANd of course during the federal investigation, the state cops as well as other factions were directly involved.