My future plans

over the next few months I am going to be compiling my story. I do not have much longer on this planet. Its funny in my programming there is a song attached to my suicide programming it says basically 41 years old. I knew I would never make it past that and at this point I dont want to.

Without the existence of the truth about events and the true Self there is no life on this planet. And anyone with any Will left will make it clear that the Self matters more than the demands of the hive.

The cops hate me, my enemies hate me. I can feel it. That is why I just get left alone. They just sit back and they wait..they know damn well that this will end soon they just have to wait.

That is what everyone involved does...every single person who screwed you over and sold you out and betrayed you. They terrorize you and then everyone just ignores you and everyone waits. They wait until you slip up, they wait until you lose it or cant stand it anymore.\

This is how they feel they have won. It happens to everyone who knows too much at one point or another..so make sure you leave full disclosure of what you do know and then leave.. leave them. No one is ever going to admit to the atrocities that you have been through and no one is ever going to give up what they have gained from your being destroyed.

The men here in Boston who are in on this..so many of them look like crooks. They look like mob guys alot of them. You have to understand that my past associates clients were and probably are sick and abusive men and that is never going to change.

If you are a mind control survivor you are probably going to die young after being terrorized anyway as you fought suicide programming and won. Its obvious that what the internal system could not accomplish then this external system takes over.

The men who work for this system are protecting all kinds of things...everything from how programming works to what programmed slaves do as sex slaves, couriers of documents and letters and information in its physical form or memorized verbally by the slave to whatever else each slave remembers.

If you try to become a real person to become whole then they will put you in this system, until they torture you so badly that you psychologically arrive once again to the same place internally where the pain becomes so severe and so surreal that you 'break' from your rootedness and death is simply like floating off.

Before this how your suicice programming worked but you were compartmentalized and did not realize it.
Why do they stop suicide programming if they are only going to put you back there again? I suspect that someone wants to use you in games or to steal the energy that is the essence of the true self that is locked in the your center from infancy that was never touched. That is pretty metaphysically valuable..think about it. The life force of an innocent child...but its locked into the center of a 32 year old..who like a life savings for retirement, is coming out of programming and now wants to use and mold that energy to make something of themselves. This is the Self that was never available to the slave...nor anyone else. It was protected and mc slaves will find creative ways to keep it alive throughout thier lives in the projection that one day there will be a way out of 'the maze' or the programming.

Yes. This happens. But the gang stalking system comes after you. They will not allow you to reform and grow from that point on naturally.
Really, what you have done is learned to beceome self programming. All a slave really has to do is re program their internal systems.
Most MC slaves have good in them and want to grow and heal. And help humanity.

What the gang stalking system is doing to mind control survivors essentially are many things.
-Stealing the energy at the inner core is just one of them.
-Using them for sport seems another.
-Trying to do something akin to an excosism seems another which is cruel and unecessary. Anyone who engages in this has to realize if you try to remove any of the primal energy( that people have been lead to believe are intergenerational demons and such other nonsense) at the root you are basically going to kill the person and you are also destroying a part of who they truly are. Most people are afraid and jealous of this powerful energy source is what I suspect.
-trying to use behavior modification tactics on them to see if they can be made into a 'new' person seems a part of this as well.
- experimenting, testing and poking/probing around the MC survivor seems a part of this as well.
The last two things I mentioned seem to be being done by a faction that does not fully understand programmed people. It has always felt to me like a very different faction than the original programmers. The original programmers formed the inner structures via a slow process and there was always a healing energy that made one not afraid and always felt their presence there and it continued through the years as part of the internal programming. I have always noticed that throughout this torture that whoever is doing the gang stalking and the testing and the being nosy as hell in general has no care for the pain and suffering of the mind control slave at all.
I have always said that they seem to be doing brain surgery with a hack saw. The programmers were artists. That is why there is so much music, pictures and structures internally. The gang stallking system probably figures like the ametuers that they are, that a mind controlled slave has an internal structure and so they can be toyed with and re structured.
They have no idea what they are doing and I dont know if that is because they are ignorant or if that is becuz they are doing such things for sport.

By the way I dont care who is in on this. Whoever is doing this for sport probably has a history of using all kinds of people for sport and it is of no significance to me one way or another who it is or what they think.
According to some fellow survivors there are usually plans to get rid of the mind controlled slave in ways that will maximize profit off of thier demise or death..things like snuff films are used.
Putting the slave into a system that uses them for entertainment or torture for profit would be the same concept. It would have ended some other way for me or any of us if it wasnt for the way the world is structured now with technology and cameras everywhere. There is way too much survaillence going on of human life on this planet in general for any sane person to block that out and be comfortable with that. Its gone too far already.

I am still highly suspect of perhaps the existence of a system where truly wealthy powerful people may be able to gain access to watch whomever they want whenever they want. I often wonder about things like Rowanda. IF you were wealthy enough..I am talking about wealth you and I can only imagine... could you buy access to survaillence of anywhere on the planet. Imagine the atrocities or wars you could view just from the privacy of where ever you are.
I am sorry but do you know exactly what people that wealthy do with themselves? Have you ever been to thier homes or hung out with them extensively?
Can you say that they do NOT think of other humans as inferior? So inferior that they will readily play with human life, not just legally through theatres of war and foriegn policy?

I believe there is no end to the beast within man or his imagination. People on that level must imagine themselves gods. And if you have no idea how rich some of these people are do some research. I am talking about wealth that puts them out of reach of normal rules and regulations.

Unfortunatley for the system, every mind controlled slave has a complete and seperate internal system and that may be what bothers everyone about us most. We have never been trained to recognize the outside world, only navigate through it to get the task done or complete the mission.
This may be why behavior modification, socialization through terrorizing and peer pressure as well as forcing slaves into the hive mentality is desired by whoever is doing this.

There is alot of lying when it comes to mind controlled slaves. I have heard some perps in MI describe me as a 'ticking time bomb' that was dismantled or defused. One woman in St Loius from MD kept making a big deal about her dad dismantling bombs and that she was good at this as well. I was made to feel that I was that bomb or akin to one and what was being done to me was the akin to making a bomb no longer dangerous.
This is utter bullshit. All the slave needs to do is reprogram and go through the programming, kind of like a safari within, with the help of a therapist, and re structure things.

I have actually experienced everything from a mind wipe where files are pulled up, 'ghosted' and then returned. Recall HAL in 2001. How many of you other mind control survivors of programming used to cry when that scene came up in that movie and you didnt know why...you knew didnt you? Mind control slaves have unfortunately for them, alot of information stored in them about exactly what their future holds.

And I have had one of my internal structures broken into, investigated to see what was inside. I didnt even know what was inside! ( there was alot of castles and such kinds of structures with knights , guards and kings and such in my programming and there was one structure that life long I was supposed to internally 'guard'. I never knew what was inside, you have to understand that these are structures formed in the minds of children origninally and the contents of structures is just information..like codes and such. Its a way to get the human mind to compartmentalize information.) I still have no idea what was in there.

THIS is why they do actual damage to the brain and use stress and other things. To destroy these internal structures and to make SURE you never remember things before the age of six (the mechanics of programming most likely and of course all those diplomats who you carried info for ( i think)..and all the other horrors your handlers put you through).

For years I had an urge to get under the shower and think I was in a light of gold. Then in St Loius during alot of torture from tech there (the worst) I realized that as a child someone must have given me a golden shower and told me the words "Your the queen of the world"...they do cruel things to you and make you think that you are special. That is the key to manipulating the child and the adult in later life. Its what they are doing right now while the harassment is sending me to my early grave. I remember that too. And I had to relive that memory, being tortured with whatever the hell this is, in a shower in a moldy hostel in StL MO. Alone.
Not a therapists office, not with a support system but alone. Being tortured.

There are those that want this. They want you to disclose everything as part of behavior modification and also they want to simultaneously prove that thier MK Ultra bullshit works to be able to interrogate 'enemy agents'...lets get real. Normal people you would only need to torture them and they would talk.
WAKE UP MK ULTRA IS TO INTERROGATE PROGRAMMED AGENTS. Why else would they need such hardcore methods.

The mold (LSD), the depatterning, the psychic driving, the 'breaking down' of the person. ITS TO BREAK DOWN PROGRAMMING... and all internal structures. Then the person is also simutaneously in a behavior modification program- TO PLACE THEM BACK INTO SOCIETY AS A NORMAL PERSON SO NO ONE KNOWS AND THEY DO NOT REMEMBER WHO OR WHAT THEY WERE.

These methods are unecessary and cruel. They do not help the person they destroy.

These methods are only necessary to the system that seeks to cover its ass as to how little girls and boys are programmed and by whom and for what purposes.
It is to make sure any and all information is destroyed and never revealed.

I can understand that if you have Theta programming you may be manipulated by an enemy faction. And I do believe Theta is real. I have experienced it myself.

There is something else going on..if you have Theta programming- if you have psychic ability, then its likely that when you wake up out of the maze and beat your layers of suicide programming, that you may start to not only grow as a psychic entity (especially females of around 32 or so) but you may also begin to learn to will your power instead of the handlers and programming controlling your abilities.
You may realize that orgone production is possible through tantric methods, even without knowing what you are doing.
It seems that if you are capable of such things they come after you and basically rip your wiring out..they burn you out as a psychic being so you cant produce or create energy nor can you handle channeling it.

I dont talk about this but I was starting to realize I could handle large amounts of energy. There is certain music that when re animated ( what most people call playing a recording of something--a copy of a moment in time or of a piece performed in that moment in time) it still produces a large amount of energy even years later. Miles Davis's work would be an example of this kind of music.
I realized that one could not only find energy in various places but that one could produce energy and even channel it from various sources. I started after beating programming to grow. To grow psychically and I could feel it. The amounts of energy that I was able to handle were getting larger and I also always kept myself very healthy with sexual activity and if one produces that alone with no one else to share it with its pure energy. And one must remember that at this point I was no longer using my body as other parts of my programming would have me do in activities where I had to use an alter ego to compartmentalize emotional damage...I had killed off a that alter. I noticed that is when the system really came after me. And I stopped dressing in those kinds of clothes..I threw them all away(hey, she was dead, right?) but I noted that THE HARASSMENT WOULD CEASE IF I DRESSED CUTSIE OR IN HEELS AT ALL OR WORE MAKEUP. THIS is very telling. I also had perps dropping things in my lap like telling me I wasnt allowed to 'get out' of the industry.

Mind controlled slaves are used for multi purposes, that's why there is a complicated alter system within and a systems manager that makes decisions, like killing off an alter who no longer functions. This system is complex but its not the slave who is dangerous..its the handlers, the programmers, the clients, the Network itself.

I believe that at least for females that we retain within us a primitive ability to become powerful beings. Either this is for all or alot of mind control slaves and they dont want us to 'grow' into such powerful entities or it may be a totally natural primitive state for human females and due to our never being fully enslaved by a patriarchy as we are enslaved by an INTERNAL system of programming we find that this ability is not only retained but it is intact and ready to grow naturally. This is most likely going to be the greatest fear among not only a society obsessed with staying patriarchal at all costs, but a smaller society of sick f*cks who only know how to control the women they see eternally as programmed little girls- thier "little princesses" as one creepy murderous programmer once described to me.

Thier biggest fear is that you grow up..its also your family's biggest fear. You are growing up out of mind control and most people live in these states for life but were always controlled by socieity's systems. MC slaves were controlled by a severe internal structure that they are expected to DIE IN.
When they escape under the wire....the system we call 'gang stalking' comes after them. Its ONLY purpose is to destroy the persons true self and everything else in order to make them a compliant zombie.

You dont believe me?
I believe...I believe one of the ONLY people in my life who was ever honest with me, my ex Jake. He would tell me that he did not believe that people during my daily routine, like bus drivers and other strangers were so rude and mean to me for no reason. I realized that most people dont live like this. By being around his family I learned that families dont hurt each other or use control tactics constantly.
He also said to me things like "You have a strange ability to have a full fledged conversation when you are dead asleep." and thats not all. Then one day he said I could also have coherent coversations with my eyes open while still 'sleeping' as he called it.

He also commented on my having a problem with "forgetting" alot of what goes on in my life.
To this day I dont know if he was playing game or if he really was innocent of all this. What he told me and the way he treated me ( outside of his abusive side which really is quite minimal and its due to his own truama issues which he will have to work out on his own) saved my life.
This is why all the idiots who believe only the cover story dont understand why I havent retaliated for his actions or gone and ratted . What am I supposed to rat? That he did something to make my life miserable? My life was miserable already and without his small few years in my life I would not have made it at all. Some people are probably pissed as hell about that too.

A female mind controlled slave is never allowed to get near a human male that really loves her. And if someone is inappropriate for reasons I dont understand, the poor interested guy will find himself the victim of a car hitting his seemingly 'out of nowhere' and such nonsense. It keeps the slave in a state of feeling protected and special while in reality you are held prisoner your whole life.
And there are reasons for that. You are already married and I am not going to get into spiritual marriages and the ritual abuse end of programming. Its all hypnosis anyway. Its all to get you to believe whatever they want you to believe.

So I am quite sick of being harassed into not having a life. I am sick of the brain damage from mycotoxins to stress to a lack of love and affection to all the rest of what goes on with a constant attempt at dumbing someone down and re-enslaving them.
I am just plain tired..and it seems I get no help.

Dont get too excited by all those survivors you see who do the circuit. I dont understand why they get saved or brought out for display..why not the rest of us?

There are alot more survivors who fight and die anyway than end up living good productive lives.
Most get ignored by the system and by society before and after being obviosuly terrorized and end up suicides.
And society cant deal with its own vicitmization by mind control in the modern world and cant handle the reality of our lives and what goes on....so they just smile at you or ignore you and most likely buy into cover stories they can deal with or buy into the idea you are quite mentally ill.
The mental illness one is popular becuz it gets the perps off clean( the hand that feeds them) and society doesnt have to deal with how much abuse you have taken in your life. They dont have to be bothered or face such things. And eventually if your made miserable enough- the peer pressure end of that will get you to just let the memories melt away...and your True Self will melt away with it.

All those years you were hiding in the internal programming system looking forward to the day when you can 'exist' and be a whole person. And you held onto your Self for dear life and all that talent and intelligence..you kept it hidden and protected. Just so the gang stalking system could steal it from you and destroy you and demand by an offer you cant refuse (so they think) that you give up all rights to who you really are and become basically a vegetable. And like a good little slave you are supposed to think of the world at large, national security, and the eternal keeping of secrets for the good of all- for the good of the people.

They will convince you that for the good of the whole world you must be unselfish ( what AGAIN? STILL? does this ever end?) and keep silent and play a role now. So this is what grown ups do is it? Play pretend with each other. Its stupid and its more torture to ask of someone whos never had the chance to live..no what they are asking is that you DIE without phsycially dying.

Dont give it to them. Havent you had quite enough? I know I have. I will NOT live in a body and retain THIS much damage emotionally, spirutally and mentally as well as physically and just plod on and keep silent. How DARE they ask anymore of mind controlled slaves than they already have.

Unlike other survivors who seem to be able to go to therapists and have lives I am not. I dont know why this is so but its seems in my case only a suicide, a label or me surrendering to some average life where I pretend I was always a stupid whore and was never capable of being special is an acceptable outcome.

I assume they are very nervous about questions that may arise as to why a 33 year old woman comes out of nowhere and was, until now,(2004) undiscovered to not only be beautiful but possess high intellgence and superior artistic ability in mulitple areas. Yes a number of people in the gang stalking system are jealous, and a great number more stuck in the slavery system are JUST AS TALENTED AND SMART.. they are jealous of you getting OUT OF THE SYSTEM or out from under being controlled and used.

They are most afraid and they are afraid of you the public knowing about mind control programming. Everthing from advertising to suicide bombers..where they laughably claim they 'dont know why these people do what they do'..its a f*ckin joke. Any history professor can tell you about the Hashashins..the assasins from middle eastern countries. If you look at the way its done it is just like programming someone. There are drugs and hypnosis involved..as well as dying as an end where you will 'go home' and be with a father figure and some hot virgins. In my type of suicide programming I got to 'go home' to a 'castle in the sky' and be with a god like male figure who was akin to a Father/Husband. So its basically the same, except I was just supposed to take myself out ( its time to 'go' is another lovely sentiment from the second layer) not anyone else.

I also suspect that there has been alot of experimentation on people with my kind of suicide programming to find ways to reform suicide bombers as the suicide commands are similar. I dont know if they have high level programming however, and its not the same. The middle eastern types are much more group based not loner types. But I am sure that somewhere in the mess this was used as an exuse to play games with someone like me.

Oh and there seems to be an effort to convince people they are pedophiles when they are not..even to TURN people INTO pedophiles. I now believe that pedophiles are like programmed people, compartmentalized which is why they cannot be cured.
What I am saying is there seems to be an effort from some horrible experiences I went through ( and fought to avoid) ...there seems to be an effort to get people to go against thier inner convictions of human decency. To see if they can be made into killers or child molesters.
There was a definate effort especially in St Louis to get me to snap..... I mean snap like a male lone shooter would. Funny after I got some horrible indications of this being an attempt someone local DID become the lone shooter within a day of my expereince- a black dude they were probably harassing in a neighborhood some whites took over outside St L in the nicer suburbs, had enough and went in and shot the mayor and some cops. I wasnt surprised. You have no idea the horrors that go on in St L MO. It never gave up that slave state mentality...it is one of the most violent, scary places I have ever been. It was, in 2007, THE most high crime area in the USA. Its wasnt the worst becuz of what goes on there...humans are violent all over the globe. Its the lack of cover or of decency about covering thier actions. Its the blatant participation of cops and citizens alike in mind control tactics as well as obvious, blatant use of tech to torture human beings. They acted like they could do as they please in some corrupt third world country.
It was so overt and infiltrated....its like they know they are land locked in the mid west, no one is a paying attention. The 'no one can hear you scream' attitude. And they would have had me in a hotel room with sliced wrists if I let them..upon getting the hell out of there by the skin of my teeth as a TI one of the security people at the train station actually made gestures that said 'damn it, we lost'..kind of like the Irish cop in the godfather when he the lawyer shows up and he cant kill for a payoff..watch the movie again. That is the exact gestures almost that I got upon high tailing it out of there. 'Damn it we lost her'.

At least in Boston they want to behavior modify you into a job in the medical field and a square for a husband..at least they want to brainwash you into some kind of life. But other places dont take pride in showing the world they are decent.
Other places in the USA are dirty as hell and dont care it seems as they think no one sees or believes such things.

Give it time boys...when all the tech becomes accepted as official then I am betting mind control programming will too.
We already have computers and alot of programming could be described as similar to that.