I am posting today that I can no longer continue on, with my life or with any work concerning this subject matter.
But before I go I will leave my story, what I can of it. I will fight to finish just this small accomplishment. I feel its important that the public know how programming works, how mind control works through tech and how a target is gang stalked into suicide.
Some of my reasons are due to heavy targeting in the Boston area and other specific cities that involve forces so great that I can no longer stand the effects of them.
One of these contains forces so strong that the hoped outcome by the perpetrators that I go back into the sex industry. This is not what I wanted to do with my life.
The Boston Public Library with its Rosicrucian architecture and artwork should not be one of the only two safe places in the whole metro area and I should not have to live my life out away from my hometown due to such influences.
Another issue is I can no longer stand the harassment from the black community in general in this area nor around the country. I should not have to stay out of major cities because of this. Especially black males as there seems to be a leaning on me until I become part of a relationship or go off pimped by one of them. I wold rather die than have sex with anyone by force or intimidation. African American men are not my taste but neither are red heads. I should not be forced to alter my tastes for whatever reasons the gang stalking system has for its true motivations ...I can safely guess its gang related and a way to get me handled permanently.
And don't say I am a paranoid racist because my aunt Debra was pimped by a black woman named Honey in the 70's and add to that my mother handed me over to a black pedophile named Rudy who was a bailiff for the Boston court system in Roxbury when I was about 7 or so. The black community is fully aware of the nature of my family and most likely feels entitled to some sort of chance at getting at me for prize, profit or whatever. My family's actions have caused me considerable inconvenience over the years as harassment from the local black communities has always seemed prevalent and I believe its because- well..ya think ya know me.
Not so. I don't bend to intimidation of any kind for anyone.
The black community in Boston has become one of the most cold, dismissive and hateful groups I have ever seen in my travels across this country.
I suffered greatly at the hands of this community during bussing in the 70's(forced desegregation). As a child coming from a rural foster home to live back with my mother I was ill prepped for the inner city environment. They were vicious and cruel to me and I saw that their parents taught them to hate poor whites to get back at the local rich whites they couldn't control. This is common in Boston where racism and sexism provide release for the classist structure.
Later in life I wanted to use my life experience to help others heal from racial issues and now have found that with years of harassment from a large black faction within the USA I am full of hate once again..usually only in Boston where I receive too much aggressive advances from black males in general and this makes life intolerable when the purposefully aggressive and abusive harassment is factored in.
I have seen black women looking very satisfied and also mocking over the years at my situation. After the bonding experience in my childhood when it comes to poverty and the insanity that it causes and the creativity used to battle those conditions blacks often provided security and understanding to me in ways whites could not. I no longer see that the majority of the time. Not only have my own people turned me out to the cold, my adopted people now hunt me continuously and treat me more cruelly than any other faction. You, in your seeking worldly power have become as evil as the white man...you will perfect this over the years and I am sure rule as they do. But you've lost all your soul so gained nothing. ..
And just to show this is not coming from my own head a few excerpts from my story concerning the matter:
- a woman in MI who was a perp posing as a TI (I checked her out later) knew alot about my situation more than she should. She may have been a perp but she was also a separatist or maybe even a supremacist. She had the confederate flags..ok no big deal. What was revealing was "well at least if you stay here you wont have a bunch of n*ggers chasing you across the country". How did show know that?
-a kid who mooched off me in ABQ New Mexico said out of nowhere "..see blacks think Italians are thier own race".
So there are at least two examples of people letting me know that I did not imagine the heavily black involvement in my gang stalking campaign.
Also the Italian American community or maybe just mob connected jerk offs here in Boston and Waltham have been cruel to me and I dont understand why but its hurtful. In Cambridge at a shelter the morning came and i was on a couch in the common room. People went by and basically spit on me for 10 minutes, a sign of obvious disrespect in a large number. I could not understand this act or symbolism what did I do? Also I find that people who are Italian and reek of mob connections seem to...just hate me. Its like we are at war and I dont get it at all.
In certain towns the look I get is like I am the worlds biggest rat or piece of shit or something. One time I asked for change from this kind of person, a younger guy and he just...he said no way but it was like...like I was the last person he would ever give money to once again becuz it seems we are at war.
I still dont get it.
Then there is the years of being targeted and use of classical conditioning using sexual arousal and abuse from gang stalking tactics as well as what must be tech.
In MA it is so bad that I cant focus on anything. It is ultimately to force me into sex work or worse. Many times there are idealizations to go into an extreme and abusive scene where I would serve as some sort of mindless submissive and this would be terminal.
There is no way I am doing any of that. NONE of it. MY WILL is the only thing that should get done not the wishes of others.
I am constantly bombarded with either these horrible choices or I am given ideation that I should become some sort of nun and retire into a life of serving humanity mindlessly.
That is never going to happen. Becuz I planned a balanced life for myself when in Brighton- my plan was to use my life experience to help others as well as do some selfish things like art work.
Not this insane madonna/whore thing and one can tell this system is readily put forth by men as they are the only ones obsessed enough with these archetypes to use a system of behavior modification based on them.
I have actually been tortured with that sentiment..to do good for humanity. ITS NOT ACCEPTABLE IF IT ISN'T UNDER ONE'S OWN WILLPOWER.
That is just another form of slavery and nothing else. That is what I was trying to get away from not go back to.
ANYTHING THE SYSTEM TELLS YOU IS IN THE INTEREST OF MORE MIND CONTROL it is never about true freedom. EVER.
For instance they will torture you to death with stalking and harassment that seems 'evil'...so maybe you'll give in. But if you dont then maybe those actions will serve to make you give in to Jesus or God or join a church in order to escape the harassment and feel relief.
You have to recall that if you are programmed you are alot more complex than that and most likely its based on a dualistic system like Templar factions in its symbolism or construction or maybe outright Satanic including what seems like military cult involvement or an old military order of some kind.
These symbols and structures go way beyond LaVey's joke brigade or Christianity, which in case you don't have a brain, was only a hiding place for Templar symbolism and systems to get by in an era or prosecution.
One should not have to be tortured by Christians or Satanists and I have seen people posing as both..soooo.. Okay let me get this straight. You're terrorizing me but so are your enemies? its bullshit thats why it doesnt make any sense.
These people are either in cults and they are used for hire or favor by the real perps or they are posing as whoever to confuse the TI and the are just gang stalking groups.
Either way I am not going to become the worlds biggest whore nor am I going to start going to church and act all goody and scared--yah right scared.. right into forgetting what happened to me. It all serves the same ends.Induced amnesia.
If I started again in the adult entertainment industry I would feel so awful...it would be because I was beaten down and feel like shit about myself..your supposed to grow out of that as a kid and heal and become something else. Does it not blow your mind, dear reader, that there is a faction out there that will actually re-traumatize a sex worker so that they enter back into the business..AT 40?? No one wants to deal with someone who is 40. Give it up. Its not even about profit its about not only humiliation and mind games but if I did such a thing then everyone who sold me out and everyone like Jake who is still betting on me failing to seal the deal, everyone can say I told you so and it would be the end of any cred for any testimony I would give concerning anything that was done to ruin my life.
Me talking about programming and mind control does that for them anyway. Me walking around with a sleeping bag homeless does that for them.. I dont know why they have to take it farther than that.
Its to ensure that the survivor never becomes anything more than that. The person never grows or becomes. Its a very important power trip for this system and its perps..VERY important.
And if I dont deal with Boston and what they did I cannot really live anywhere else fully living do you know what I mean. Part of me is still stuck in that apartment building, that old Mason Hall with its symbols that IS the place my life was destroyed at 335 Washington Street Brighton MA.
Every time I ride by there on a bus either directions in approaching I start to feel this comforting feeling like a part of myself that was...IS still there. That this is where is all happened this is where they took my life from me. Unless I can retrieve that energy then there can never be peace or true resolution on this plane.
Its mine and I want it back. I never got the change to pack up properly in that place and I had my energies all over the place. I had basically constructed a temple in there an amplification of my own mind. Due to the harassment I was never able to fully pack up properly and leave...totally.
There is also a building that was being constructed there and I returned to find it finished- it turned out to be the new WGBH building. THere is something about it tyhat is unsettling as well.
I wont get into it but I was given a packet by a woman who worked at ABCD a housing advocacy and she knew..she tried to help by including the info about the CELL PHONE TOWERS ON TOP OF THE BUILDING and the fact that the lawyer dealing with my mold case in NEWTON did work for this company in the past and helped get those NEXTEL towers up there. She included tech info on the towers...why?
I think TI's by now all know why.
There was something taken from me deep from within my being during this campaign and I am sort of left dead like a shell from its missing. Everyone who was close to me took a piece of my deep being when they betrayed me and sold me out. That apartment still houses something as when I go by there I am comforted like I am still in there.
I was going to try to leave the country but what good would that do? Wandering arond the world is not going to change any of this. This feeling that something was taken from me.
It also ties into the war the towers and everything that went on. I went through New York last week in a truck. You can feel the energy still you know. People are so dumb. They dont ever see these actions as rituals or large scale human sacrifice rituals to gain power. Are you that blind? We werent even in NY city just New York. That is how to scale that amount of energy for those actions. Wake up.
Alot of people were robbed and sacrificed during Bush and lets not pretend anymore becuz if I am going out of here I am not leaving until its all told.
Nor am I going to stay on this planet wandering around trying to gain something back that was mine to fuckin begin with as people like Jake and Julie and my bitch mother and the whole city of Newton get to keep what they took from me and just go on with thier lives like I dont exist. Angry ghosts are not pleasant creatures you mother f*ckers.
And the police will not have the satisfaction of all thier arrogance. They are the absolute worst human beings in all this becuz not only do they know what is going on and know better they seem to have this sick affinity for really liking these kinds of take downs and getting off on them in a most inhumane way. I have not experienced more sadistic bastards as the cops who are in on this shit or the corruption connected to it called the cover story.
Who goes after a lone female with no resources and acts like they took down a real big lion or something? What the hell is that? I used to think they were respectable or at least I could sympathize with some of thier issues but from years of dealing with this they are disgusting. They really are all out of their minds with crime and violence. Well not all becuz then I wouldnt receive the info and assist that I do but its unbelievable the corruption and level of cruelty. Its not that I did not understand that it did not exist its just its not fair becuz it shouldn't involve me. Its not my world. I was not a career criminal and I did even really exist in the same reality as far as business and such. I was more into art and writing and trying to go to college and my therapist and fix my health issues. How does that involve heavy engagement with covertly abusive law enforcement.
This is why so many career criminals feel bad for me. They know that hte cops are acting as a large hunting group of men bullying a helpless female animal to death not as police officers going against a criminal.
And they know its wrong.
What are they going to do blood thier faces when I am dead from the morgue?
(a popular British fox hunting ritual for males)
The polices obsession with me as well as the public's is ridiculous.If the cops are nervous about protecting local criminals I can understand business but to be cruel and taunt and act like you have all this power when really you are keeping down someone who would never have had a chance with their non existent money and resources doesnt make any sense. As far as business goes one should take care of business not play around. I feel that the entire nation has lost its mind on money and power from that war and the big party of victimization that went on during Bush and still goes on now. Its like a big bash for them. When people refuse to be intelligent, they can do anything with rationale.
I also cannot stand in general the nationwide harassment of me by men. It never ends and I think its one of the most pathetic things I have ever seen.
There is a very nasty brotherhood of extremely sexist males involved in this and they do not care if your family is controlling or what your reasons are. I believe they probably support all child molesters as they subjugate women permanently by crippling them for life as children. In thier minds this is the proper management of women in our society.
With equal rights, PC and heavy handed sexual harassment laws men have started to lose thier minds to feeling bitter. In many cases ironically I can see why and sympathize, however taking it out on any female available is not the way to get revenge on every manipulative, opportunistic or predatory female. These men actually believe that women are to blame for the destruction of our society.
-at St Francis some men for kicks probably, leaked to me that they believed the reason there were so many men on the street is that women have too much freedom and that women need their wings clipped. He actually said that and the way he spoke was like a man who was part of a larger cause. There were others that believed as he did.
-it has been rubbed in that Jake left me before he had a baby with me by intimation. Jokes on you morons I cant give birth due to scarring so it wouldn't have happened anyway.
-it has also been overdone to death the idea that if women dont get proper upbringings they become 'whores' etc.
These excuses for treason by omission, treason outright, breaking laws of the Geneva convention as well as civil and human rights are unacceptable. This is all bullshit to hide the fact that more than anything I needed to be silenced before I started to recall memories from before the age of six or retrieve memories from my sex work alter ego. Its so I wont talk about who did what to make me so crazy to begin with and to cover for corruption at lower levels you will believe and higher levels you are not going to believe if I tell you.
This country is a satanic culture that hides beneath being Judeo Christian, moral and hard working. That's the front most people put forth.
Its no surprise to me that the most support I have received is from
-Christians that live what they believe not just use it to appear socially acceptable,
-from Satanists who loath everything from America to capitalism to of course Judeo and Christian religious systems and the people who hide out in them.
-White supremacists who hate the idea of that black faction getting a hold of a white woman for prize or profit
-whatever faction of the black community I have experienced that has provided protection occasionally, who are not identifiable to me but I have seen them rivaling what seems like black gang activity in my gs campaign.
-The cops who actually still believe in doing thier jobs or out of personal sympathies to me.
-Criminals who even when pushed into ratting still have a bit of the honor among thieves or stand up con in them to drop info or map things out as they understand law better than I do and know that this whole campaign was way out of my league and completely unfair play.
-I have received alot of support from people who are conservative Republicans. Surprising but true. People in western states who think the east coast is ridiculous. They are tired of govt interference in their lives as they work hard to keep what they have. They dont understand the cruelty and status seeking in the campaign against me. They also think that Bush ruined the economy and handed us right over to Obama which they cant stand. I agree completely. And alot of Repubs dont like neo cons. I would probably register in my beliefs and tastes as a bit conservative but pulling one up by ones own bootstraps has always been attractive to me. I also believed that one could do that with help from the govt. But now I dont know. It seems that every time I went for that help I was shot down and always basically told to piss off. It was like Boston could never give me what I needed or was told I was entitled to for rent or school or an apartment or whatever. It seems its about favoritism. The woman who was outsourced to do my vocational testing at mass rehab was horrified when she heard how i was being discriminated against as compared to other clients.
The Repubs probably think its cool that I wold rather fight this and beg and sleep outside as opposed to quietly get bribed by the system to get an apartment or something. I dont know.
So I guess I am thanking everyone who has been helpful, given me money on the street or provided protection covertly.
What I will never understand is how this all got this bad..has gang stalking been this bad or is this something new with some sort of big party blow out attitude towards this cruel behavior being profitable and easier than ever with the use of smart mob technology like cell phones and computers? There are too many people in the world who enjoy giving someone a 'hard time' and see it as just that. They don't want to be responsible for the fact that its going to kill the person or that it really involves an overall campaign of hard core sophisticated psychological warfare. They should not be allowed to be privy to info about targets or there should be laws that make it so targets have some recourse not just denial.
I heard a perp say a month or so ago " its almost over anyway" in regards to me. They are such assholes the way that they treat you like someone who is a story book character not a human being with rights of your own and a Will of your own.
I was in Kenmore Sq summer of 2008 and this couple was messing with me a bit. I was f*cked up that day due to the targeting in Kenmore area beig really heavy handed..that is when I was experiencing emotional pain suffering so great that I would start to have a contorted look on my face and some perps would go by and take note ad you could tell thats what was up and suddenly it would improve. I only had that happen twice where I looked so fucked up that someone had to step in most likely due to the public noticing something was wrong. Also this is when I posted that I was being driven to self injure physically and that one instance when I was sitting in Kenmore all of a sudden I was paralyzed and my vagina swelled I felt like I was dumbfounded and the words loud and clear came through "men rule the world". When I posted that I noted a sense of them being caught.
Its obviuius that they are using the same tech that is documented to be able to change emotions or cause emotions of a certain kind in people. If you dont believe me then do your research. Its part of psy ops. See the video on my blog "Mind Control Part 3" when proud mr military brags about using such things for "peaceful conflict resoluton". Yeah real peaceful.
The couple took one look at me and said "I dont think she can take it today". What the hell kind of people are we dealing with?
Go back to the beginnig and you;ll get the same pointgs of refernce ovedr and over again.
Those especially the first one is who is behind this activity. Its about controlling and abusing victims for life. These people dont think like normal people. They seem to love cruelty and have some sort of outlook like this is all normal life to them.
And dont forget how the system controls these people
-CULT MIND CONTROL
They never see anything outisde of a certain boundary of reality. They see nothing beyhond the walls and if they did start to they would have to deal with their own abuse within these 'cults' or even abusive families and most people cannot do that besides if you try to leave they come after you. It strenghtens the grpoups sickness.
That is why its so naive to say gang stalking does not exist or people dont do things like that. These arent 'people' these are groups of people who are enslaved and allowed to under protection act out on violent dark urges.
In Buffalo NY a black girl and her sister who she abused and handled were in a truck and the younger looked at me with awe and fright and a bit suspect and asked her sister " Can she really see?" and her sister eher cigarette slowly and calmly nodded all very slow as if to contain fear. And thier whole mission in life is to get rid of me cuz I can 'see'...well DUH of course I can see what you are about. I grew up with monsters in my family and befriended and worked among monsters in my 20's (who treated me better than my family) why the hell wouldnt I 'see'? They keep these cult groups so f*ckin far from logic and reality that they are the dumbest people...I suspect that is why perps seem so deficient personally when TIs deal with them.
Anyway I have posted my thanks and given my reasons. Failing health is something I just no longer want to deal with and I cant go to doctors like I should as I have been conditioned through repeated harassment to fear going to the doctor.
Its over. I know it and the perps were jsut waiting probably as to when I would fall.
And dont forget the crazies in the God community who are convinced that people like me are possessed and evil and that its good when we die as it cleanses our souls etc. They of course are also clinically insane and illogical. There is nothing that one cant do according to ones own WillPower to make ones life balanced through deeds and action.
My frustration is that no matter where I seem to turn I run into some crazy or cult type person or some idiot from the general public that believes I deserve this due to whatever is about me they can focus on and hate on.
I will never cry to the public or ask for mercy. If I ever get the chance for revenge against this country, Boston MA or any of my intimates who sold me out I will show that inside of me, within the programing system there is section that understands not the concept even of mercy.
If I were you I would keep on me until I suicide...the part of me that still cares for my old lovers and friends and humans in general believes its best for everyone if I do suicide.
I wont do something careless and stupid or I would have already.
One of the goals of the system as well is to get rid of all good inside the person. To turn them totally vengeful and evil from abuse. I wont go there I am just too tired in this body. I refuse to build a life around revenge. Gotta go instead.
I will leave all that I can for people to see how the external systems work and how internal programming systems work. I want you to realize that alot of people you see are targeted not just crazy. I want you to notice just the sheer number in places where there are alot of medical institutions as well as military contracts. I want you to realize just how this system works becuz then if yopu take part youi can never again blame it on ignorance.
Most likely this whole work will be ignored anyway so I am not naive. If nowadays people are so arrogant as to tell Sarah Palin that they are done with her for use and amusement and when is she going to 'go away' then a nobody like me is easily shit canned, but I dont want it to be for nothing.
I had such a nice balanced life planned and since I cant have that or even enjoy any sort of life I want to at least show what I experienced during all this. Maybe it will do some good.
And I am not blind to the fact that ever sick f*ck is just waiting for such info to come out as the perps can be proud of their work and the sadistic jerks can eat up a tale of entertainment for themselves but that is unfortunately not in my control. Maybe some sane decent people will read it as well.