New Series of Posts Dealing With Urgent Current Issues



Please be advised that this written work is theory. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no actual belief in these theories as fact . If so I would've taken legal action by now. Until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.
My prior disclaimer stated that I'm often sleep deprived when posting due to my lifestyle as a houseless Traveler (and my age as well as health issues). This should be taken into consideration when viewing my posts and vids on the connected YouTube channel. I am a writer who lives a challenging alternative lifestyle and it is MY RIGHT to do so. I claim my RIGHT TO EXIST legally under US Constitution and international law.

This is an educational blog for awareness as well as sometimes a telling of candid personal experiences to demonstrate theories as they might be experienced by a person who theoretically is existing under such conditions.
Being a reasonable person of sound mind if I had concerns for my safety or others I would take responsible action for self care as my established medical history can demonstrate.
Any other kinds of actions taken against me by others will be construed as intimidation and whistle blower retaliation and proper legal action will be taken against you by my family and support system.

Be warned no further interference with my production of meaningful work as an artist and activist will be tolerated.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Long but informative post. Programming content, ritual abuse, Jake the jerk and other things I only get to say on these days off: holidays

Of course publishing stuff like this makes any other claims I make that are actually believable, like about OLNICK, the corrupt landlady Pettiti, my old associates as well as my ex boyfriends so much less believable. And really I don't give a shit. Readers will believe the content in relation to how much they know about thier world. If not then consider anything beyond that level of knowledge to be good, if not a bit cliche sci fi.) One of the most unbelievable things I get from people in the gang stalking system is that much of my claims are sour grapes. those horrid bitches in San Diego were trying to say that about my claims that that Albertson's employee grabbed me instead of security doing so. There is no lack of jealous, untalented so NOT special bitches and loser guys on this planet for the upper echelons to use to complete thier goals.. Do as I do and consider them peasants. You've merely been thrown to the peasants, which they think you will not survive.The nobodies, the desperate 1's, the singles who cant exist by themselves who cant stand on thier own, who are not strong in thier family line thier DNA within or inside themselves as spirits- they exist IN EVERY SOCIAL STRATA. The trick is to find the quality on each level. You will always find gristle but you are looking for choice cuts. There are plenty in street life if you find yourself there. The more independent traveler types tend to be smarter and creative. Housies go to shelters. Hey we all get old or sick and have to go inside and it sucks.Dont let whatever prison they put you in destroy you. The masses are there for them to manipulate and use, they will be used against you more than they will work with you.
Today of course is a major holiday.

New Years Day a Saturday.

All day today I have not experienced any intrusive thoughts, weird experiences or other things due to remote influence or other kinds of covert warfare.

Once again this follows a specific pattern. All major US holidays are exempt in my campaign specifically.

Still think Targeted Individuals are mentally ill?

There have been multiple artists, free thinkers, dissidents and especially females of these catagories who have been 'kept down' in the USA- this country has a history of such activity. The most notable and credible people are usually artists who had some footing before this system came after them to take them down. But the campaigns are all very similar.

Its also been shown that covert activities and operations can not only damage a person's health and sanity, also that technology and methods exist that imitate mental illness, specifically schizophrenia.

The odd thing about schizophrenic definitions within the psychiatric frame work are that the schizophrenic usually presents with symptoms very different than the specific so called schizophrenic that presents with specifics as akin to being a Targeted Individual.
The 'paranoid' schizophrenic is the only one that seems to be defined soley by thier claims of outside circumstances opposed to thier own behavior or facultires being in question. Its amazing that many 'types' of schizos are deemed as such by exhiubiting things like word salad where sentences and speech make no sense, strange behaviors or body movements. especially people who pose themselves for long periods of time in odd positions- not as an imaginative artform or yoga but obviously as a disablity to thier life and well being.

These are all signs of something wrong in the brain.

Also schizophrenia showed up in the USA with the owning of housecats becoming popular. Its been proven that people can catch toxoplasmosis from felines. Women who are pregnant are warned not to empty kitty litter boxes for this reason, which is due specifically to women's high progesterone levels in early pregnancy making them more vulnerable to parasitic diseases.

Then the one odd and seemingly unrelated supposed 'schizophrenic' is one who, while having none of the other afflictions, a sound mind, articulate with every other thing about them seemingly normal, is deemed mentally ill due to supposed delusions about their families being after them or out to frame them up or get rid of them, people following them etc.

All this depending on outside circumstances and alleged actions of others not anything they themselves are exhibiting. And this diagnoses comes about without any kind of investigation of such possible activities, that are indeed quite possible depending on the person's circimstances.
Which of course are never looked into.

This is not only very unscientific but extremely suspect. Its like labeling something without any kind of scientific method at all being used. And THAT is whats insane, not the person. There are logical ways to determine if the person is indeed delusional or whatever else that discredits thier story.
There are also ways to map out that they may be telling the truth.

With my mother being a documented radiation experimentee connected to MK Ultra as well as my knowing far too much about a crime ring involving the sex industry its more possible than not I am telling the truth. That technologies and other methods are being used to not only discredit me but to keep me down for the rest of my life, no matter what I do or where I go in the world.

Today I experienced recurring thoughts of hatred or disgust concerning my body. ( daily I am tortured with almost constant attention to my figure being deconditioned from how beautiful I used to look. Especially when sitting down the little tummy I have now due to no fault of my own but due to being targeted, unable to eat healthy, excersise and most likely due to cortisol from stress. Every day in this area of the USA at least I am beaten down with constant intrusive thoughts drawing attention over and over again to the state of my stomach, my breasts and to a lesser extent the beauty of my face.)

This system has regressed me to the level of a younger person. I am not allowed to mature or act like I am now a month shy of 40 yrs old. I am held in a pattern of being immature and stupidly happy about it to deal with the agony of my situation.
I also daily go through some sort of process brought on by what must be tech due to its behavior depending on conditions, where I am basically dumbed down to the level of a dumb female if you will. I often feel two dimensional and not fully in my own body. I am very tamed with a constant non stop adreneline and 'fight fight' feeling, especially present is a constant fear which of course I supress with whatever it is inside women that does so. By doing so I am wearing myself out over time and wasting my energy.

This process has drained me emotionally and spiritually of not only alot of anger, hurt and sorrow that i had a right to as well as a right to work through myself without interference but energy that would have preserved my health and my youth for the remainder of my life in this body.

also over time every single effort I have made towards creating artwork with my natural talents has been either stifled, computers and cameras hacked or work destroyed or outright stolen.

This is coupled with an induced fighting spirit, as well as a Will to win which may just be a reaction to whatever tech is used to saturate my being and as such redifine me. I am far to positive for it to be normal.

I am also limited often to an expression of myself as evil and a focus on old programming from childhood that I could describe as 'satanic'. Any other side or facet to my personality is subdued except for an opposite of very goodly, almost saint like and self sacrificing and caring for others.

If you want to describe this as 'biplor' then go ahead. I describe it as two sides of internal programming from infancy and a computer programmer once told me it was akin to 'dual boot' programming where two seperate systems can exist on one computer without either one knowing about the other. And indeed no matter how much this system tries to integrate me and wipe my alter system, those two sides of my programming still do not acknowledge each other. The best that this system seems to be able to do lately is to have one destroy the other as in having me choose one or other or I switch up depending on various things like circumstances, mood etc.
(My programming seems to consist of a large Rosicrucian or Templar program side by side with a smaller Satanic program). The way that these things are being expressed recently are very unatural. I have possessed these programs for all of my life and before 2003 rarely did they express themselves directly.Nor was I a prisoner inside my own programming as I am being forced to be now. It being used to define me or used to supress me.

It was a part of my psyche functioning in the backround and only expressed very subconshusly. I assume it was expressed without my knowledge in altered states which I wont try to look at now as that would have been investigated during therapy sessions if only I had not been terrorized and given brain damage via mycotoxins.

Then I suppose one could claim that this invention of the psychiatric world,
bi polar' is really just being induced by outside means such as technologies and other methods of covert warfare.

Bi polar is the biggest load of shit I have ever heard of in my life. I also believe this due to that particular disorder being pushed by perps in public spaces at the end of the harassment being so bad here in Cambridge years ago, when it was obvious that i wouldnt suicide, murder, act out, go back to drugs or sex work, incriminate myself or accept any other bullshit psych label like schzophrenia to give in to intimidation. I also wasnt stupid enough to believe the lies they were telling me about it being the FBI either and if that were true, then the FBI and myself have a date in court and I am going to be a very very rich woman. (good I can finally open a decent shelter. and i will use the info I learned from my enemy to destroy any shelter that is not based on a humanitarian model.) Good, then I can protect other Targets. So please do be the FBI becuz if I ever find that out yer fucked. Bigtime. During Bush that is just the kind of shit they were pulling too but they tended to pull that shit on paper, as my Arab friend has evidence of.

Anything this covert, if it were the Feds they would be beyond the protection that Bush era furnished them for doing the kind of shit they did to that Arab kid I mentioned. It has to be a faction much more legally able to pull black ops like this without fear of consequence. If it is the feds I am going to be a very wealthy woman.
If you dont believe me and want to challenge that then fuck the USA I will just bring it perhaps to some international court of some kind. There has to be someone in this world that doesnt have the jolly attitude of everyone in the USA who thinks its funny and erotic that as a woman being tortured and held prisoner "no one listens to her". "No one seems to pay attention to whats going on".

People actually say that shit about me and this situation. How much more of a conspiracy could this be?

I am daily targeted in ways that make it impossible to defend myself, think straight, seek health care or have enough memory or strength to take action to resolve my situation.

All this is being done moreso due to my being poor and unprotected.

The attitude seems to be that I am one of those people born to suffer or be sacrificed and things will never be any different.

Through the technolgies used and the actions of multiple persons involved in psychological warfare, that has become a self fullfilling prophecy.
No one should be forced to feel possesed by an evil force, one that acts as a handler and keeps them daily just as one shouldnt be forced to feel that one can only escape this by switching to a persona that is mother Mary-like or living like a nun.
Both of these are not of my Will.

In most major cities in the USA I am targeted with a near constant interface where I am rarely able to express my own thoughts or live by my own Will.

Today there was only the presence of a rather tired, sore aging body yet still some youth left, balanced and fairly calm while some damage could be assessed. Meloncholy was present and that is normal. Willpower as well as connection to my core and my true Self was what I felt inside me today. Not constant insanity, fatigue, shame, fear so present that one's body shakes from it, from the mind reminding the body of years of torture over and over ever moment that one is NOT having an interface with The Truman Show system where I am convinced I am being watched constantly even in showers either by security people, the police of some kind or famous people or important people who are paying to 'help' me grow from these experiences, and promise me a good life if only I do what they direct me to do.
Today I was not an inverse of Farmville, where instead of a human taking care of a virtual lot of animals or pets, a lot of virtual people handle a human pet.

Strange how all those important people who seem to have so much time every single day to guide me, watch me, connect with me mentally, who I see flashes of in the back of my mind's eye..strange how they just dont do holidays. Nor do they seem to be able to reach me for reality show action when I get out of range of any kind of microwave being able to penetrate like underground or in Farady Cage like structure especiallly concrete and steel specifically wiht metal roofing. And its odd how when I am with others that such things dont haunt me. Als odd is how such activity seems to change with location. And when the circumstances change, I can predict to the detail how its going to change based on my prior documentation of going to that location in the USA before.

Also its strange that such people as Gene Simmons or other party animals would only want to keep thier pets during 6am or 12 midnight. Youd think such people would enjoy such activities far beyond the witching hour. And who off this list of celebs and other people of import gets up at frickin 6AM??

And if I go over the bridge out of Cambridge or Somerville area to Boston, I am immediately relieved of such conditions. No more Truman Show no more Inverse Farmville game. No more virtual handlers. I am then much freer to be myself and to live in the frame work of my own life.
But of course thier system is much nastier and consists of, from the first hours I am there eventually making me focus SO much on what happened to me and the pain of it all that said pain becomes unbearable in my heart area or where humans feel to the point where I become very suicidal or at least aggressive and angry.

Strangely when I come into Cambridge, such conditions then fall away again. and I am safely in the arms of the virtual handlers again. The only good moments in this are upon switching systems; when I go from Cambridge to Boston and vice-versa. I would say Boston is much more dangerous as it seems to push for suicide or severe acting out. If I dare go into the rich areas(Newbury Street, Boylston St) where many of my former associate's clients reside and like to hang out I get hit very hard as well as harassed by policemen- uniformed ones.

I went to Boylston once to a super market just by chance but I did feel the change in being targeted. I knew they didnt want me there. Then the cop showed up and was very overt. However, I got the feeling that whoever was watching the security cameras in that store as well as whoever was around that saw me around Copley and Boylston was so horrified at my state- how horrible I looked and how obvious it was I was being beaten down- that soon afterwards much of the torture was lifted. I got the distinct impression that someone higher up than local assholes in charge or maybe local people stopping actions of larger agencies- I dont know or maybe even powerful civilians who used to know me stuck up for me. No idea. What was interesting was that for all the times that TI's think that everyone they know and used to know is constantly in on this, its obvious that when people see us years later, they are suprised at our state and at what this system is doing to us. Which may be why the system is so damn hardworking at getting us to blab our stories quickly and get it over with and have us move on or not tell our stories at all.

At least once or twice a day now, at least 5-7 days a week I fight urges to suicide and NOT write my story. I then experience urges to blow my load prematurely and put it down sloppily on video without any exposure as a book would gain or mapping it out in detail over years. These are both attempts by the system to manage my testimony so as to minimize damage to they and all who have assisted them in this campaign.

Also you have to remember that as far as being programmed, they simply break down the programming to the point where you no longer are a master programmer nor are you an active participant within internal programming structures. What the system does essentially is beat you down, internally and externally (your inner world and the outside world of others and reality) then use certain aspects of said programming to capture you and keep you imprisoned.

For instance, I may have had an imagination but I always had a Will and a sense of Self. I knew the difference between creating art time and living in reality time.
This system seeks to blur those lines or borders, thus creating someone who is truly insane. (dont worry on 'days off' like this I only feel the physical damage as well as the results of some brain damage. The insane states I spoke of are all induced and go away when the tech and gang stalking is not in action).

An example is my satanic programming. I have a very very vague idea of being married to an entity as an infant or toddler, I am pretty sure 'satan' would be a good description. For a child who was not baptized this makes sense as Catholics marry thier children to God I believe which is what communion is all about when the girls get those pretty dresses. The whole thing is creepy enough within hte context of Catholicism anyway so its not much creepier to have it go the other way.
This was never an issue before 2003. It was something in my past I had a vague feeling of indirectly but it was not a conshus thing. By now, if I had been left alone to sort all this out in therapy, I would probably have moved on from that memory.

But this system has taken that part of programming and made it into a prison. Not only by giving me direct experiences where people posing as Satanists were involved in gang stalking or other strange things that occured there are other experiences which I wont get into that have taken that concept and used it to imprison me.

I have basically gotten the impression that the satanic age is here and by whatever means necessary said faction will take dominion over the earth or at least in the USA's affairs, and especially this was very clear during Bush. It was as if the entity himself had come to earth. That is gone now but during Bush there were some very strange experiences like that. The basic message is that Satan has come home to earth and was collecting his brides.

I of course wanted to avoid that as much as possible, which I do as I do not appreciate being controlled by anyone especially not a male whether he be incarnate or not.

Satan or whatever that entity was supposed to be, was very large in size and could be felt taking up miles in certain cities, Boston being one of them, El Paso being another. Something about those mountains in Mexico over the border. However, he is a rather lonely sort.
Its probalby less frightening for someone who is already primed with early on programming. I acted like any other defiant wife towards a male...I just rejected as much as I could. Just becuz the Sultan has a harem you are part of doesnt mean you have to cooperate.

Personally I dont know what this faction really wants but I know this: much of thier power is through smoke and mirrors along with technomancy, and yes some solid real magickal ability.

It seems I am allowed to or have enough strong will, to express my other programming, the Hermetic related Rosicrucian programming via at least working on improving social conditions for the homeless. It needs to be done anyway so why not try to get something done while fighting this other battle.

There is an awful lot of hate present on a daily basis in the world I experience when the system is active. Hate toward me seems ever present.

Its a pretty sad world and I find it hard to believe that such activity is going to create world peace. The only way that is going to happen is if in fact it is to be created by those fighting this system by being reactionary to it, not the actions of the system of enslavement itself.
If indeed that is what they are marketing to you, I dont think that enslavement of mankind is a good plan for world peace. If that is so you are all fools then.

And as I pointed out, you do have a powerful Will. Use it. Just becuz you are being held captive does not mean that you have to comply or follow along.

Like I said alot of my experiences and claims sound like insanity, forget mere mental illness. But I know that magick is an old science and humans are capable of such things. Only now we must add advances in chemicals and technolgy to the things used to pull off the tricks.

Its obvious now that 9-11 was ritualistic. You could feel it years afterwards, mostly during Bush, when outside NYC area. This may be tech in use I dont know.

but I now realize that the towers looked just like a set of pillars. A gate perhaps? Opening 'the gates' seems a popular subject with Satanists eager for thier entity to come to earth or gain ultimate power here.
It did seem for a time that destroying anything Masonic or Hermetic was en vogue. All sacred geometry or even actions or ways of thinking that followed suit.

There is so much confusion about who are the differing factions. Alot of it is ignorance or disinformation.

All I can tell by now is that there are sects of Masonic types that seem to hold the safety and health of mankind as thier charge.
There also seems to be opposing factions most likely described as 'Satanic' that seem to hold the destruction of mankind as thier prime interest.
BOTH seem to hail from a similar backround. I believe both are Luciferian in nature. Both feel that humans are weak willed and for too easily enslaved. The only difference is that one has grown from the positive image of Lucifer and the other from the darker more hateful image. Perhaps both at their core differ from humans but the more positive faction believes that humans need protection due to thier weaknesses and have some merit as to make thier continued existence worthy. The other factions seem to simply hate all of humanity.
I have experienced these two factions as one wearing brown hoods and the other black.

Strangley, there seems to be lessons to be learnt from the darker side. Concerning earthly strength, Will and fairness.
However, there is a bad habit of taking people prisoner, oppressing people and wounding so badly that one may just bleed to death spritually.

I experienced a stealing of energy or of what spirituality I had by which faction I cannot tell. The Masons at higher levels may be totally negative even though they equate with the Templars. Then again their ultimate goals may not be understood which may be for the benefit of mankind.
Example would be that we may not like being tamed and experimented on to see if our conshusnesses and psyches can be controlled or captured, but if such things are necessary to survive underground or in deep space or on mars due to this planet becoming uninhabitable, then it may be necessary to rescue the human race.

However what I have experienced many times during Bush specifically is not doing such things for the benefit of mankind but to simply torture for the sake of torture. Or perhaps for the purpose of totally destroying one's soul.

That is something else that has occured and its the main reason I keep figthing to gain back my old Self. I have basically been robbed of whatever spirit I had, of that energy, and refuse the idea of walking away allowing it to be kept from me permanently. It seems this system wants to take such things from people and then send them on thier way, to 'forget' and move on. Which would be akin to walking the earth as an empty damaged vessel, which I WILL not tolerate.

I want back what was mine or I will have something given to me in equal exchange of a spiritual nature not worldly success which is what the system pushes most often as a trade off.

It may also be that certain factions who practice such 'magick' if you will, do so to give thier leaders more energy. Perhaps it has to do with being a bloodliner and other more prominent bloodliners who need energy lesser members have, having that taken from them to give the prominent bloodliner energy so he may succeed in his goals with as much power as possible. Of course it will be excused as being done for the good of all, or some other such ritualistic nonsense. There are different levels of Masonic factions and thier beliefs. The Masons that seem to be into world power as they are seem to be blindly ritualistic and see nothing wrong with destroying to get what they want as long as its in the interest of 'The Great Work'. My internal programming finds this very distasteful and believes in Justice moreso than such might makes right concepts. Both however seem connected to the Templars, knights, Hermetics etc. Its as if there are differing Orders and they all hark back to the ancient Sun Cult, specifically associated with Egypt and before.

Basically what I have mapped out for you are spiritual crimes that are being committed then backed up by not only magick but the activities of a covert system that uses earthly technomancy such as technologies and chemical warfare to keep control of its victims and affect the outcome as they see fit.
Building a NWO is just the same as building a new huge, overdone palace in the ancient days, or the pyramids. And just like back then they dont care if humans die in the process of such undertakings.

Someone told me once in this that my destruction was planned, I was planned as an expendable person, akin to when construction workers are counted up as possible deaths before even starting work on a building. Which is a very strange coincidence that my destruction was described in the context of workers dying on a contruction of a structure. (!).
Alot of what else is related to this is of course the big money interests world wide and the military industrial complex not wanting the public to get hip to how in humane the technologies are, the non lethal weapons or starting to question the sanity of creating machines to fight bloodless wars, when that would be like to wars at all so why not just do that and use machines to focus on security and such?
Money. Plain and simple.

The reality is that man has painted himself into a corner with creating things he cant control or are totally out of tune and destructive to Nature which provides him with his needs for survival. And life was alot easier for common people before we knew that as a reality. The internet has done alot more harm than good in the long run. The challenge now is for humans to figure out what they are going to do about thier situation. I am so kept down and out of worldy affairs and isolated that I dont know what is going on really to say where that situation is going.

I saw a story on Youtube about Nico the other day. It seems she possessed what this country fears most: a very female person who has the strength of the most impressive males of her line. She kept saying she wished she was born a man it was so sad. Each one of the female artists I have seen who get targeted have this same quality. Very masculine in possessing power but not butch or lesbian and yet, still with some qualities of femininity that make them the alpha of females as well. Its a female prototype that is not allowed to exist defined in America. All females that come close to this are along the way somewhere subjegated as sex objects or lesbians.
This might be part of my being targeted as well.
This would make sense if the Masonic type factions are ultimately female worshipping cults. I dont think they worship females in order to let them have power I think they worship a female element in order to gain energy from it so THEY may be most powerful. I am not sure.
Most likely there is simply a heirarchy of slaves and higher classes and these people truly believe in this system and perpetuate slavery as they always have. I dont even think they know any better. Its like they are totally ignorant and totally brainwashed.

Then again I read something on the internet that Russia for years now has been going up against the USA/western idea of enslaving mankind for an NWO, so perhaps anyone that is hip to what is going on is going to be suppressed in this country or other related western nations.
Believe me, I wish there were simple answers to this. I am tired and want to just give up and take thier label or suicide so that I dont have to work so hard becuz this is f*ckin hard believe me. Its superhuman hard.

I wish I was back in 2002 or 2001 with Jake hiding in his bedroom listening to the rain. Or in my apartment moving away from that failed relationship, moving on, finally discovering myself and building a life for myself from there.

Things had always been hard for me but it wasnt anything I couldnt ace. The actions of 2002 onwards til today are so harsh, so extreme and so outrageous that no one short of someone programmed could handle this and have any success at all.
The amount of hatred towards me is incredible. Its not normal, but then again the younger generation out there now they are not normal at all anyway. they are terribly in human and I speak of gen Y to the kids that are about in thier mid 20's. The really young kids seem a bit different but perhaps this is just thier age like 17 to 20.

I also have no idea just what the public knows and what they dont. I have no framework to judge on as to how I have been marketed so countering this has been akin to using radar or sonar to map out what is underwater or underground and work from that. this is the idea behind keeping the Target in the dark about what is really going on.
Its been intimated that some sort of videos of a sexual nature were put out publicily. What of work or of personal nature? Something about Jake being involved in getting such a video made and exploiting that. I know I read this bullshit interview where he begs the public to believe him that "I am not into that kind of sex believe me". To this day I am confused as to what that roots from. It must be that exposing me takes the attention off him being busted in his car with drugs in the trunk (that he told me he got rid of) that he got supposedly from a pot client of his whos boyfriend died of cancer recently. OK honey that expains away the pain pills but where was he getting the speed? And towards the end he was high-on-own-supply every day and getting into car chases and the like while I had to stay relatively sober due to a bad liver and not wanting to ever return to hard drugs.
I should have left him in summer of 2002 befor his bust. But like an idiot that does the right thing I stuck with him, even when everyone else moved away from him. After that we just started fighting all the time due to him not having drugs to get rock groupies to screw and I not being able to handle his appetites which usually that complaint would have been made about me by the male in my life. I kept throwing him out, most likely due to the fact that some of his coercive methods at getting what he wanted sexually were too akin to people in my past like my aunt's husband or the guilting and shaming at that foster home to keep my quiet and ignorant. remember, in order to victimize someone effectively, you have to keep blaming them for everything that happens or for any acting out they may do.
He would use things like ignoring me emotionally or physically if he didnt get what he wanted and I couldnt deal with that as someone else used to do that. Granted we both used to have sex until we were far beyond sore, both being athletes about it I guess, but when my body had enough, he just would not cease in trying to convince me otherwise. And I would go along with that and it would cause fights. Its becuz I hadnt had time to sort out my issues with other sexual behaviors or programming if you will as well as my past abuse history. I was so compartmentalized I would just throw him out and not know why I was doing it. In the grand scheme of the life of a programmed person I was still young, actually on the verge of true growth. After deprogramming, mind control slaves usually start to put things together, heal and re arrange thier insides so that things work without all the compartmentalizing to deal with pain, suffering and the emotional traumas of doing things we really dont want to do like sex work.

But along with that comes memories and that obviously included faces and places.Around 2003 or4 I saw a video from the 70's of a man talking sitting at a desk. He was some sort of diplomat. I was in my apartment happily going through starting to realize the truth about my life. So I was prime for a recognition to go farther than just an odd moment where I think its strange I know that face and move on quickly from there. I froze in my living room and said out loud "Hey I know that guy. Where do I know that guy from?" and just kept musing on that.
THAT is when this system came full force and got uglier than I had ever seen it in all my life.
I know that everything they have done they have done to erase and suppress memories and no one is willing to help me or touch this with a ten foot pole. My mother along this time frame came out of nowhere in the car driving while I was asking questions about some of my memories and screamed at me "I WILL NOT BE CONDEMNED BY YOU". Which tells me pretty much she is running out of fear of being found out and wont help.
While going through Michigan an older black woman who was a nurse, also who was just about the right age of someone from the 60's and civil rights era, leaked it to me in conversation that basically my seeing that diplomat on TV and saying I recognized him possibly, got me the status of "dead woman walking". So many blacks are involved in this campaign. I guess they have always acted as house slaves for the rich whites. Either that or they are more desperate than others to get thier piece of the pie. They must have learned quite well from slave owners mistreating them all that is done to handle slaves I am sure over generations.
And from there its been a sheer living hell. Not so much from what I have experienced but from being silenced and and my testimony repressed.

Its the tech that is used and being conditioned over years to fear being around people becuz who knows where they next attack will come from.
Dont expect half as much revealing information as you got today in this post.
My mind is usually either pre occupied with other trivial things or I am so stresssed out by induced PTSD. I stay compartmentalized to deal with that. In that state me going over my story and telling it in any way seems like it will kill me to do so. Not so today. Why? Its a holiday of course and I could have predicted that this would be the case. If I had not known it was a holiday I would have known soon enough by the fact of my NOT experiencing living hell on earth via tech and stalking/harassment.

This system does not want me to tell you the facts as I am now or what I experienced in a candid,.honest manner. I wants a quicky run down from a stuttering woman who is scared to death and hardly believes her own innocence due to this system forcing her to internalize all the hatred, guilt, shame and blame that has been put on her over the years. A confession not a testimony. That is why I balk at doing so.
I need to get somewhere safe where I am totally not affected by this system so I can tell my story in earnest as I am doing, quickly, now.
And each time I think about how to do that I know that this system is not going to allow that. That they will keep me traveling or wasting money on renting rooms in people's homes who seem nice at first but then turn on you. Somehow perps actually are in wait in the ads section of rooms for rent, usually in my case the cheapest ones as they know that I am dirt poor. I have experienced the same thing with personal ads, which I dont use but have looked over for amusement once or twice and I noted that a week or so after I arrive in a certain city, there are predator perps putting ads in they think I will resond to. Most likely to get more footage of sex acts they can sell for profit or just vids of me doing whatever. They always thought I was desperate and really stupid. What kind of person who survives programming or is chosen to be married into an extremely nasty cult is going to be that stupid.

I laugh when I watched the movie End of Days. Well, first I vomited at the scene where the snake is cut and its blood fed to the baby, I mean almost vomitted from the core of my being. Getting over that, it was amusing to watch that homeless guy on the train perp her like that. If only in real life they shattered into pieces on the ground.
And if you watch carefully she is not shabby at defending herself or being clever or performing physical violence against those awful Vatican assasin bastards. They exist you know, men in black suits. When you see them in real life they might just be the ONLY people on this planet to make someone like me react with actual fear for my life. They suck.
This is becuz what the movie does not tell you is that she already has a bit of the devil or beast in her already. Shes been prechosen years ago and shes not THE one, there are multitudes of women with such programming from infancy.

Christians and other people are mistaken when they have this attitude of 'oh have compassion for people born into satanism or incestuous families'. THOSE are the crack pots as far as I can tell. Their belief systems have no basis in reality or history. Who are YOU to judge ME and the state of MY soul? Who the f*ck do YOU think you are? You may like God or worship God but you are NOT GOD. Dont forget that, ever. My soul is on a personal journey as everyone's is and my conscience lives just fine thank you. I think I do enough work for humanity while trying to stay alive I am actually at the same time working on writing a book on homelessness so ignorance cant be ultilized by white collar criminals anymore. Most of the people who talk down to people like me in that manner of speaking of compassion from thier thrones on the supposed side of God, are the ones complaining all the time about homeless conditions and not doing shit except for eating and being lazy. WHY? becuz they believe hanging onto thier God concept and lording it over other's, who they believe are children of a lesser god, is enough for them. Your true God would reject your arrogance.
Personally I resent any fake Christian interference in my affairs unless its from people who really believe as they say they do. The fakes are the stupidest beings I have ever encountered unless they fully understand the twists and turns of such a war as well as take actions instead of sit on thier asses in church pews and judge people.
They are incredibly stupid some of them. Who better than I to see where evil lies? DUH. Thats why this system represses me obviously. One woman in Scottsdale told me my predicament in one sentence: "You're either with them or you are against them". Plain enough.

You can believe whatever you want. You can think I am mentally ill or you can believe I am making it up to cover my ass for being caught in embarassing circumstances (of which please let me in on what you've seen becuz I STILL DONT KNOW MYSELF what the public has been shown!).
Its yer choice.
The fact remains that at least 3 people guilty of crimes, one busted by the cops and one career criminal heavily connected and one, my mother didnt want to get at all but had minimal connections but enough to saver her ass I guess- as well as other people around me like PI John Panderos etc- a number of people have gone free to live thier lives as well as some have gone onto opportunities that magically presented themselves after I was driven into this living hell, while a smart, pretty, athletic, talented, good woman has ended up living in destitution, on the run without the ability to even get decent health care.
How else do you explain that? For what I had going for me there is no reason that I should have ended up here. I would love to see what was shown to the public to make me so hated. Whatever it was it was either a result of long term psychological warfare probably in unison with unraveling programming and it was certainly taken out of context. Which begs the question as to just how much firepower it takes, how much money and connections it takes to accomplish such a production.
Sure Julie has connections and she dangerous.

But moreso is the reality that George Bush was head of the CIA for a time when I was a child, I was born during Nixon. One of my memories revolves around a yellow ribbon and I always hated the song Tie a Yellow Ribbon Around The Old Oak Tree which for me has some sort of sexual meaning from childhood that is very unpleasant.
Along with being married to an entity in a spiritual marriage as a toddler the other thing that I recall having to do with that cult is something to do with dressing up like dracula or content related to that. As well as my family's connection to the military, which points to one individual that is both satanic and involved in the military, which is alot
more dangerous than that fat blonde bitch and her cop/mob friends will ever be.

And I know that that in itself could all be screen memories to cover for some other project or program possibly even NASA. I will never know now due to the fact that I have such brain damage from mycotoxins and long term psychological warfare, I will never be able to uncover who is truly behind my being programmed.

Also I would say that the Templar programming is pretty much bigger than all of us as well, including all the petty assholes living in the outside world outside my programming that I consider no more than ants to look at from the hightest tower in The Castle within my internal programming structure. Who cares if the body dies?

I also had some programming that this system insisted on breaking into and disarming during Bush administration early and mid 2000's. It had to do with the same sections or blocks of programming associated with the yellow ribbon content. It was an alter, very small and temporary, that seemed to be the idea of the programmed slave being death itself, or a representation of death- which might explain my lack of fear of such a state of mortality. This had lived within me in this small hidden compartment and it seemed to be triggered by the sounds of church bells, most like the ones you can hear at the beginning of AC/DC's Hell's Bells.
Whoever is in charge of destroying programming wanted this gone and that was obvious.
Along that line there is also a piece of programming connected to being trained to kill animals, which is most likely part of some sort of training to kill in general. The system seems to do this to the youngster in a state of amnesia and then in thier day personality or normal personality they train them to be very very good person by taking same animals and putting them in thier care. I suppose that if one recalls on a spiritual level being trained to kill animals, then one would be almost desperate to preserve life out of fear of losing it.
The same thing happens when babies cry, my mother also suffers this as well. Its a joke that movie The Silence of The Lambs. Its so obvious that the lambs are human sacrifices probably babies. I have no direct recall of this but I know that when babies cry both my mother and myself cannot stand that sound. What is worse than a cry is when a child may cry as if suffering greatly which babies sometimes do for various reasons while NOT being mistreated. To then have an abrupt silence of such a cry is the most disturbing thing that can happen. You hold your breath until you hear it cry again.
So if this is all bullshit then where does that come from then?

...the killing animals line of programming. I recall a small box, a Jack in the Box from the 70's. It played 'pop goes the weasel'. I recall somehow the killing of an animal associated with that toy or at least that song.
And George HW Bush (senior) is that weasel.
Most likely the deprogrammers wanted to render such a command sequence totally neutralized understandably. But I think its more along the lines of destroying his EFFORTS at what he is trying to do to human beings by enslaving mankind. He seems the evil genius but something about that speach just seems like the maddest moment that man has ever had, on video anyway. Whatever the outcome its GOT to be countered at least with public awareness.

So we see that some programming even though it may be Satanic in nature may not be 'evil' in it outcome. Who knows who sets these things up. NASA? Skull and Bones (yellow ribbon)? The military? CIA? Some foreign govt? What the hell do I know about the way world affairs works on those levels? (probably more than I know..that i know).

Only ONE THING is important..well two things. ONE to a lesser extent I was totally "railroaded" as one girl refered to it as and I need to get back what was mine on a personal level. To fulfill my obligations to myself.
The truly important thing is that man should not be managed by technologies and that these weapons may be bloodless or non lethal but the damage that is done is so mentally, emotionally and spiritually damaging that lethal may have been a better option in the end for the victim(s). People in western society do not look at the inner workings of thier internal worlds as human beings. No one takes spiritual damage seriously.

These are my only two goals as well as getting a book out to let Joe Public know why he doesnt understand homelessness and to finally f*ck over all those white collar predators who live off the non profits while the homeless are one of the remaining populations in the USA to have to deal with civil and human rights offenses as well as health code and OSHA violations that hark back to the early 20th century compared to most businesses..and they ARE businesses. Bastards.

So with such lofty and just goals in mind why is it so hard for me to get anything done or be left alone for 5 minutes to get such things done?
Thats why.
Well it was nice to visit here for a day in the world I used to know back in 2002 before the daily torture. I am sure I will return the next holiday or the next time I find a space to live in, on or two levels underground with no cell phone reception and no perps messing with me.
Yeah right.

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