I AM sorry I just seem to be into some femininst area today. I think that its snowing here, I am really run down (have the officialy homeless 'look': same one outfit everyday, unkempt, exhausted. I only survive through my bone structure nowadays). and I dont know what to do next..I think I actually feel unsafe (whaaaa??!) and wanting to just be in a place and rest. I still have that cavitation in my upper jaw which has worn me over recent weeks. Not very conducive to being adventurous.
I feel fat.
I should totally just post that, as the sole content of my post. You click on my blog and it just says " I Feel Fat." and like thats all it would say.
I found this and it explains why the repeated attempts at making me behave are damaging me to eventual suicide levels. I mean its a solid end game plan now, based on the damage aquired. No future, no exit life.
I knew they were doing me in but the perps dont seem to get it and here is why: http://www.lorinroche.com/page46/page46.html
This is the problem with people coming up to me for ages now with advice about how I'll be fine, I am strong I can take it, If you want to survive this just be nice.. that is how you survive this, and constant intimations that I need to learn control no matter what the situation. I had control before...I had feelings and could finally feel them fully which was the most control that I had had all my life.
Before that it was "You're too aggressive" and all these intimations about sex drive and aggression. The abusive last ex said once " Why cant you be like this all the time? Why cant you just be nice"..this guy was an stalker and very controlling with a record. This sort of freaked out uber sexism has been a key component in my gang stalking campaign.
Why should I have to learn control?? What I needed was what I was going for..a way to channel my energies NOT DESTROY THEM.
So becuz I act aggressive like a man you think I need to learn control like a man??
I just couldnt stop mentally going back to that book " Way of the WASP"..the part about non sensuality. Anti sensuality. That everything would be good if it was made non threatning, following anti sensuality. He complains that in restaraunts there are too many Italians making love to thier food..etc.
It somehow fits in with what is happening at least to me. It is possible, that without it being councous, that this campaign also includes turning people non sensual? Incorporating non sensuality into everyones life?
Just be aware of the damage emotionally. For some reason it is very important for the system to suck you dry of your anger. Its kind of like psycho surgery (to shape you) with a lobotomy( feeling happy and mindlessly ok with all that has transpired).
It is truly the most f*cked up part of all this and if you are artistic it will rob you of your well of energy for life. In fact I wouldnt doubt that isnt the direct intent.
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I agree, as its been said many times the targeting is tailored to the individual and his/her issues. In my case there is, esp in the past, alot of racial overtones, trying to get me to pick sides, bait me into saying things they can twist around, label me as races im not, try to slander me as a racist etc. because they know i dont identify myself much by race, and have never felt like i belong in a specific ethnicity much. Im not much connected to the sikh community. And the fact ive always found race and anthropology interesting...
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to let you know im still reading, and there are people who do care about you- like myself and other readers. Your posts are helpful to TI's you are making some difference.
No question they want to neutralize/destroy artists, for a number of reasons, one being they are not able to create themselves. Bukowski describes it well in his poem "the genius of the crowd".
I can relate to what you said in an old post about how it seems like the whole country is practically in on your harassment- thats been my experience too. The scumbags have smeared us well, and the cowardly, mindless sheep are just joining in without a thought...not to mention there seems to be alot of 'perps' out there these days, prob at least 1 in a 100.
Hang in there, ill be getting an apartment soon, prob Denver for the meantime, although my name is coming up on a elderly/disabled complex in astoria,queens ny. I might check it out, id be paying peanuts for a place that rents 1 bedrooms for around 1100-1500$. If you ever wanted a place to stay for awhile, you would be welcome, and i wouldnt expect anything from you, as long as you are not a nuisance. If you had a PO box i could send you a little cash if you need it. If you had a Paypal acct, im sure some readers would donate a bit here and there, but to do Paypal you need a bank acct. Anyways, take care
Randy
btw, this a personal msg not meant to be posted.
My website makes ME feel fat. Should I switch it to "slimming black" like yours? At least my page would feel thin. Since they even airbrush thin people everyone gets to be fat except Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow. and Mary Kate Olsen.
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