MICROSOFT TRANSLATOR

Disclaimers

Please be advised that this written work of mine is only THEORY. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no belief in anything posted here because if I did I would have had legal action taken by now-until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.

Also it's obviously not clear enough to readers that I've put up a disclaimer for years that says I'm often sleep deprived when posting due to my lifestyle as a houseless Traveler (and my age as well as health issues). This should be taken into consideration when viewing my posts.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

More of my story-Dad/ 2003

One of my ex associates used to claim all the time that her father worked for the CIA, and that he had Alzheimer's by the time he was 40 yrs old, which she was very suspect of. She claimed she had to take care of him as her mother shunned it and put it the responsibility on her.
She often did have issues with things like lunch, and would drop comment that she used to have to tell her father that she had already fed him 20 minutes ago.

Knowing what I know now about this system, I wonder if even being associated with her is the reason for this..if daddy's old employer had taken to daughter and her business.

Or is it mirroring, directed conversation? My father is obviously a target as well.
I had to tell my mother that his family as of 1990 claimed he was mentally ill. But what was the content of his claims? About something having to do with my mother , her family, the CIA and the military...pretty common paranoia. And curiously, ma claimed he did way too much LSD and I wonder if he was being encouraged...to put as much Ergot mold down his throat as possible. Perhaps this was just his drug of choice.
So when I heard, my mother says there was never an issue when she knew him...but I wondered if it was LSD related. The strange thing is that his family were....very off about all this. They kept systematically going away from the LSD idea.
For years I just figured he was nuts. And I recall how his sister told me that he saw a photo of me and she said he claimed that he said I was part of it.
Then I spoke to him a few times. He seemed, looking back now, very frightened. Under stress. Once he took my name and address, claiming to be taking a message. I have my mothers tone but I have his voice inflections. Anyway, I thought this was funny and creative...then the next time I called him he screamed at me and told me never to call thier again and called me a bitch.

If I am right about gang stalking, as I believe I am due to we have the Internet now and tech is listed as existing if not leading in that direction.....it just sounds an awful lot like he was targeted. And now I see that it isnt creative or funny its him trying to deal with being perped once again by someone. Which is what I find so annoying about some reactions I have gotten...that people think I am amusing.
This aint a f*ckin game and I got some evidence. I am logical like my dad and primitive/nomadic and I am smarter than my mother...I aint playin. Or havent you noticed? If I wasn't Gen X I would probably be screwed.

And his family is strange as well. My mother claimed that his mother said she was mafia one day. I wasn't there I don't know but the one thing I do know is I was introduced to someone who was big in a suit with dark glasses who they claimed help body guard Kennedy..this was at some family wedding. I recall becuz it freaked me out...this huge crowd of people who all had the same eyes as me, which I was NOT used to and was quite the shock this hitting an ocean of my DNA staring back at me. Freaky.
Not as freaky as looking at the guy in the suit and wondering why he didn't look old enough for that gig...hmm. 196-? Maybe he meant another Kennedy.

So needless to say I am overloaded with mysterious weird shit concerning who is the shady person in my life. I know that my mother' s family hated my dad's. SO...is it the creepy ex associate? Is it the weird Dad's family? And if they were that impressive, then why wouldn't they have protected him? So why push the mental illness angle? And I now know that there is a legit connection between my mother and something govt human experimentation at least....the Naval Hospital, the MK Ultra hospital. The radiation experiments...question is..how did HE have that info way back then?
I know my mother and she had a habit of ...saying things and not recalling. Sometimes. She may have mentioned it and then re compartmentalized the trauma.

So there is no lack of source for troubles here..the problem is that the only thing that makes sense is the radiation experimentation. The other things don't fit in that I can see.

What upsets me most is my own mother trying to trade off that info to get rid of me.

When I was being harassed in 2003 etc as it went on I got nervous living alone as it seemed to include cops AND the Irish idiots at the pub across from me, so I didn't feel like dealing with some situation that would have been deniable by a tight knit community...I told my sponsor and my mother who did not know each other about the harassment.

There had been a federal investigation and a bust in 2005 of a friend of a friend. Someone I did not know well. I was told by my sponsor to ask around NA, certain people specifically. So I did and I was told that everyone was being investigated and that I shouldn't go to the FBI if I didn't know anything. That they would mess with me he warned me. I was really mold sick at this point, so its all I could take in. Plus the ex had sort of created a vacuum by leaving the way he did, and I now see that it was on purpose. He had been busted in 2002. And soon after he moved away from me and that is when the harassment started in earnest in 2003, and in NA I felt very uncomfortable....shunned.

So I was stuck in my little world of denial in this little apartment that was now moldy and I was progressively sicker all the time. I also like I said went to my mother about the harassment and stalking and she advised me that 'they probably think you know more than you do and when they find out you don't know anything they will leave you alone'.
Right there she is validating the harassment as reality.
As time went on things got nastier and more confusing, and more betrayal it felt like, more harassment, more shunning.

My ex associate tried to warn me that I was going to go crazy, and someone in NA who was very wise in the ways of mc survivors like me, out of nowhere started telling me that his neighbor downstairs thinks that he is taking x rays of her and its only the refrigerator running. He was dead on because that story 'filed' itself away for later use. That was not the last time I was going to be told basically 'don't go crazy' during the harassment and stalking.

I got involved with an abuser who at least was a hardcore former criminal who helped me sue the management of the building..without him I couldn't have seen what the crime family that ran the building was doing to me. Turns out that was a mess as well with all kinds of town and friendship connections going back to my ex. Newton sticks together I'll tell ya.

When I returned from a trip cross country, to get away from my ex, my mothers mother, Nana, told me that " And there is no guarantee they will stop following you. Just don't go into Brookline and Cambridge because it will just be a war back and forth".
My mother said that 'they' seemed to be afraid of me.
Then she just turned on me. After I got perped by this creep in the supermarket, who brought up details concerning my bus trip, I told her I got harassed. She had me alone in the car and turned to me in my grandmothers drive way and said " Are you sure you don't have a case of what Danny has? Maybe just a mild case? " And I immediately started telling her very calmly why psychiatry is invalid. She got this pissed look on her face..the kind she gets when she cant dominate someone.
Also, I recently read that it being genetic is an old eugenics http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics theory and not very popular anymore.
In the house to cover my ass I turned to my grand mother out of nowhere and said that my mother in the car said I was crazy like my dad. She did not expect this and sheepishly said "No, I did not say that". Then somehow she decides the next day to get Nana into a room and start discussing in her best drama mode, how crazy I am and she doesn't know what to do. My grandmother is in there saying " Well, help her ___". Now we all know my mother is either too selfish or to damn targeted her own self to help anybody. I can deal with that...but if I am being hunted you might just want to get away from me--that I could have dealt with. But to put me in 1) further danger by adding to perp advantage by trying to label me
2) putting even more stress on me
was absolutely unacceptable.
It was funny to sit there and listen to the these two trying to judge MY state of mind....after years of me watching that damn circus. One that my mother would never walk away from. One of the most oppressive environments I have ever come across.

So that is where I get what basically PTSD wise came out to be one of the locks on the door to this situation, the gang stalking prison. I would run that memory over and over and it kept me silent for years.. just the threat of that monster trying to put me away. She tried that at 18 as well...except this time it was just out of selfishness-" I'll have you put away, at least I'll know where you are." So you can see how now she could show cause it just had me psychologically.

When in MI at a alleged TI's home I called my family.. a year or more after leaving and breaking contact. My grandmother answered. She was very unatural and said out of nowhere "Well, not to be perfect but..we miss you. How about some medication?". Again self defense..which I was getting good at by now. I told her it was organized crime and that was all. She blew that off. I hung up knowing I would never be able to talk to them again. They had finally gotten rid of me...and if I wanted to return part of the deal obviously was they would have more control than ever over what I said and did. This ensures that I am never allowed to bring up how the behaved or have any control.
This may have worked if it werent for the conference calls, websites and other TI's. Even opportunists posing as TI's were giving me more info than my family.
Years later a sympathetic person would say my mother was 'sick' and that my family has no idea if I am dead or alive.

I often wonder about that. My mother as I recall, always had info about who I was with and what I was doing. She said to me once years ago "I knew you were buying drugs from some Columbians...I had alot to do with them getting shut down." Great, get people PO'd at me.
To be honest if it was the Allston kids they were small time and actually very nice to me. They let me stay there when the place I crashed was inconvenient. They were not a problem...funny she didnt have any problem with the people at the apartment I stayed in..who were trying to beat me down at times. She would even talk to them on the phone..Hmmmm.

If it was a bigger operation in Boston, well I never went in there, and I'd doubt if she had them shut down.

Anyway, she would say creepy things like " I always knew where you were". This makes me wonder exactly how she operates. She was always so mysterious about her life. She once told me she helped ruin a local music career..over what? She dated this drummer..and he gave me a pair of sticks which of course she confiscated out of jealousy. When he gave me the sticks, he had this look in his eyes, like he was afraid of something. Afraid for me. Later she said she "had alot to do with making sure that they never got anywhere". What an absolute major bitch. Sounds familiar actually.
Then again she would always talk to people on my behalf, which is a bad idea. Probably behind my back...then people want to come after me to get at her.
She even suggested this from a crowd that knew her from her old workplace..that maybe they were trying to get at me to get revenge on her. Is there anything that isnt about HER? And I would find it strange that you seem to be also in on it so why would they help YOU? Who cares about a bunch of old biddies from Brookline anyway. I can here it now like the Roddy McDowell movie from the 60's. "We bury our men we dont divorce them"...this is one that aint gonna get guilted to death. Never baptised, sorry ladies. Thats an old game anyway. Dont work nowadays.

The whole of Brighton seemed to be in on the harassment...I had a doctor from south America I liked. I could here the secretary staff intimidating her into mistreating me. The most disgusting thing I have ever seen and one thing I want revenge for..a fat uneducated BITCH who is JUST a secretary, bullying a graduated medical student who is from another country, and a woman at that. A slight woman. Needless to say that that one is one my blood list. Fat blonde bitch...local trash from Brighton, and she is going to have to balls to harass a physician. Now do you see how disgusting perps are? They respect nothing except whoever their f*cked up employers are and the power of their group. Something about fatty messing with a doctor gets my blood going and I don't know what it is...I really don't. Fight with docs, challenge them if there is corruption...but overt bullying in that manner is unacceptable.
Mess with the healers as usual -the natural enemy of the destructive gang stalkers.

Poor woman, she tried to stick to the craft...to be the best for the rod and snakes. Hermes. She used logic which the wretches hate...she claimed that just because I came in to get a cold checked doesn't mean that I am drug seeking. This is the time where the perps were going through a phase where they trying to set me up as selling pills as well as messing with docs to frame me, having pharmacy people act paranoid, etc. Especially in Brookline (grandma was right).

Everyone just kept saying things like ' you'll be fine', 'yer strong you can take it', " you're a smart woman, you'll figure it out" or you'll get through it. Handling and invalidating really.. minimizing.

Or people would keep saying " They".. they are afraid of you. They wont stop following you. THEY need to know you have someone advocating for you.

But no one would ever tell ME what the hell was going one for f*cks sake! Nice going..
And it was like a large amount of people. You wouldn't believe it. There was also gang stalking from strangers.

So what exactly happened and who is still unknown. My mother seemed to know more...she would say things like concerning cars going by beeping twice "Cant you see Rachael, they are trying to condition you". And " I am very interested in the way your mind works."

There is something about her behavior...after my grandfather died it got really weird. It was like that cause a chain reaction in the family.

So its all very confusing and you can see why just taking a label is attractive to most people. The sheer abandonment is stifling. An entire community??! Your family and your friends?! What the hell. But the truth matters more than any human being and so does chasing something like this down until it reaches its end and everything is figured out.

It is so outrageous, so over the top and so disrespectful to the target that everyone needs to be made into a puzzle piece and put into their place. Its what they must want, because they decided to act inhumanely. It must be that is the side they chose.

And everyone acts like the TI is this toy...this doll. Someone who is not worth protecting.

This is how people end up in shelters half crazed, or how they end up institutionalized. They may not have been insane to start with but the idea that people as a society could do this.

I know I did not imagine it....people who at least had some sympathy would tell me things. Clues. That I needed to be made manageable because that is what businesses do. That expendable people are factored into every business. That 'that crowd' isn't around anymore. ( uh, I went cross country this was more than just a crowd). "It must be hard- spies everywhere.You're not a toy Rachael...you shouldn't be being toyed with.

Clues are great, but the greatest stress is losing your old life and having no explanations from those who took your life away with them.

What is the point of surviving if you are half dead and damaged?

This system works plain and simple: The people who get its full force either go insane or don't live very long. Everyone else has to keep their mouths shut or take part.

It might also be that 'that crowd' is a main perp group, like an acting troupe that comes into town and provides clandestine ops and psych warfare as a main core of the operation.

So my ex associate claims intergen connection. My dad's family has shady connections. My mother was a human experimentee... so what happened?

The problem with all this is that its so involved it just sounds like I am making it up. Other than the radiation experimentation I have no documentation..except for mold exposure. But all my claims cannot be backed up..but my memory is pretty good and I am not writing this for any other reason other than to get it down before I go.

I think its important people know the truth. The problem is will it matter? Will it even make a difference later? I will try to put it all together and make it spreadable, so if anything happens other TI's can keep it going.

Some bastard will probably wait until I am dead and just steal it. Pick the TI's bones.

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