I know that this blog has taken a turn to being very angry and dark. Actually its for the best as this is a stage where I am facing my health issues which I had been avoiding on the road as well as realize that what happened is very very real. And it needs to be told even if it seems too soon as it will always likely seem 'too soon'.
My health being in the state its in and my memory failing me is pushing me towards seriously considering that I may not be in a condition to write just years from now.
This system does not want Targets to tell what has happened to them, they want us to change. To be modified to go along with the intended changes.
To do that would be to not only lose our Will but to trivialize all that not only we as individuals have been through but what every TI has been through.
You have to remember that there are many people for varying reasons that actually believe that what is being done to us is a good thing. Some believe that they are better than us due to wealth or class and that this ordeal will get us to 'know our place', many of those people may know about TI's being used as human experimentees. In thier perceptions this may be part of 'our place'.
Many of them only know the cover story or see how disturbed we have become or stressed out due to the harassment. This is, of course what the perps want in the long run.
Its very, very hard for me here, not just due to the cold and my new found weakened health since that Bactrim incident in December of 2009 and also due to just how heavily 'managed' this area of the country is on a daily basis Monday-Saturday.
Its also due to this being the cradle of life for me. The place where it all started, where my life began and also where its ending began. The re running of memories over and over again here is horrible for me. And each one has a much deeper pull on my psyche than any other would in differing locations outside of my hometown. Its also hard for me to have to see this place unchanged, but myself having been changed so drastically due to the campaign over many years time. And to know that many people I had as part of my former life have simply gone on with thier lives and forgotten about me or even are just holding thier breath or biding time until I finally drop or make a wrong move is the most maddening.
Its been close to impossible here to stay positive or to stick to the plan. I want to leave all the time but something here needs to be finalized before I go this time. There is much unfinished business here.
If people knew what victims of torture have been through they would probably be amazed that we havent gone totally insane or snapped yet. For people to treat us like we arent doing well enough or doing the right things is either purposeful continuation of torture or its total ignorance. It doesnt matter to us which motive as the effect on us is the same. Its just more to add to the workload, more burden on our nerves, our senses and our minds. THIS is one of the main reason that GS is hidden from society. The People then serve to do the perps jobs for them out of sheer ignorance in many instances. They are totally oblivious that such programs exist or thier impact on the victims over time.
I am at such a point that I cannot allow anything to stop me.
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If the perps are the fangs then the general public is the poison.
ReplyDeleteAbout 2 years ago I asked Father to give you strength and courage to survive. This whole ordeal will be over in about another 2 years.
Yes you are correct, no force on Earth can bring them to justice - so it won't be from Earth. :)
Those pleasant thoughts that seem to originate from nowhere are meaningful. Father wants you to know these things. But don't tell anyone else ;).
I read your blog post at:
ReplyDeletehttp://targetedsurvivor.blogspot.com/?zx=5fb535c5975f6552
and I see what you mean by becoming unafraid of anything and anybody. What adds to the fuel is that we are being attacked by complete strangers, strangers who know they are able to frustrate us with a mere word or short comment, while the rest of the factions are hidden and unreachable, so we can't get to them.
I too have this alter which is very strong and powerful and unafraid of anything or anybody. So when I get harassed by perps, I feel like just getting right up in their faces, and just letting them have it, verbally, or physically. I'm wondering if this isn't by design, which is what you said, they are trying to create super powerful men and women out of targets. I suppose the idea there is to make us so unafraid and strong, and they have the programming they installed into us to make us go after and destroy enemies on cue.
I reverted back to my "meek", humble, and receptive alter this evening, and what did I see? Assholes in cars looking at me like I was a gorilla in a zoo, doing the pointing in the air bullshit. One person this evening in the know said that those perps whom activated my ultra-strong, unafraid alter, are simply douchebags. And I mean this is a good term for them. Imagine with all this effort to turn us into super-human, super-strong, unafraid iron men and women who can beat anybody, and it's common douchebag, human trash doing the activating. That's the sad part about all of this. Douchebag, white-trash kids and mature adults (who are also trash) who can't seem to comprehend the concept of acting their age, are just having their way with us, while we get controlled into not beating the fuck out of them.
I read your blog post at:
http://targetedsurvivor.blogspot.com/?zx=5fb535c5975f6552
and I see what you mean by becoming unafraid of anything and anybody. What adds to the fuel is that we are being attacked by complete strangers, strangers who know they are able to frustrate us with a mere word or short comment, while the rest of the factions are hidden and unreachable, so we can't get to them.
I too have this alter which is very strong and powerful and unafraid of anything or anybody. So when I get harassed by perps, I feel like just getting right up in their faces, and just letting them have it, verbally, or physically. I'm wondering if this isn't by design, which is what you said, they are trying to create super powerful men and women out of targets. I suppose the idea there is to make us so unafraid and strong, and they have the programming they installed into us to make us go after and destroy enemies on cue.
I reverted back to my "meek", humble, and receptive alter this evening, and what did I see? Assholes in cars looking at me like I was a gorilla in a zoo, doing the pointing in the air bullshit. One person this evening in the know said that those perps whom activated my ultra-strong, unafraid alter, are simply douchebags. And I mean this is a good term for them. Imagine with all this effort to turn us into super-human, super-strong, unafraid iron men and women who can beat anybody, and it's common douchebag, human trash doing the activating. That's the sad part about all of this. Douchebag, white-trash kids and mature adults (who are also trash) who can't seem to comprehend the concept of acting their age, are just having their way with us, while we get controlled into not beating the fuck out of them.
IS VERY GOOD..............................
ReplyDelete