Sometimes I get this ideation that someone out there with influence is keeping me alive by paying people off.
First of all I was supposed to be dead from three layers of programming anyway so dont waste yer time. I am going to write that book and who knows what will happen after that. According to one layer, the last and main layer of suicide programming, I have until 41 when I'll either be committed or die. That leaves one year from the end of this month to finish what I have to do. And I find it interesting, and depressing that 2012 corresponds with my being 41 years old, strangely both having been predicted as 'the end'- 41 years for me individually and 2012 as 'the end' for the whole world. Never noticed that until thinking about this today.
THAT right there is going to be the ultimate hurdle in suicide programming. Believing there is any chance past 41, that the gods wont mead out some accident or other beyond my control.
This system is just sadistic and cruel enough to deprogram someone and get them going just enough so that they want to live and now fear death opposed to being immune to fear of death- just to then have the person killed. THEY would do that shit too.
Also, dont negotiate with terrorists. Dont waste your money. I doubt if there will be any kind of happiness for me with the way things have gone as well as the brain damage which I am know will only get worse as years go on. I am NOT going to sit around and slowly degenerate so that the perps can gaze upon thier handy work years from now. I ve seen those old bag ladies and I am NOT going there. If anyone is paying off these f*ckers dont bother. Take the money and blow away one of thier own or one of them for me if you want to pay homage. I guess the book is that important. It really is, but after that I want out.