Headache last night was so bad that it was obvious I was in pain. I get these a few times a week, they last all day and are really only a problem in the Metro Boston area. I used to get them here years ago as well. I also got them in San Diego.
Specifically right side of the head. Hurts inside skull. Goes from base of head in back of neck up back of head all way to front of eye socket on right side. Had a real problem with them in Waltham before I moved out but mold exposure seemed to make it much worse. I get relief by hanging upside down usually or holding my breath, bearing down and then letting go. The scary part is recently in San Diego I noticed that if I hold my breath, bear down and exhale the headache is mapped out by a surge in blood flow- I can feel pumping like a vein or artery in my head.
These headaches are so bad that I often have to shut my right eye. I am often nauseated.
When the staff at St Elizabeth's terrorized me once, this resident in the neurology dept was really overt about terrorizing me. He was messing with me telling me something about a car accident I had years before and intimating that it caused an injury to something in the right side of my head. He also intimated that I had had a mini anyerism or stroke or something connected to this area where my head aches.
The medical community in Boston has been cruel to me in ways that no one should have to tolerate. You would not believe the things they have done and are very overt about it. I believe they know who the experimentees are and in order to support a system that supports them and their institutions every time illegal human experimentation is found they assist in harassing targeted individuals.
The fact that I have this headache condition and no one can tell me what is wrong after many MRI's is a bit suspect. I noticed that when I was in that moldy apartment towards the end they would not give me the die that gets injected for a CAT or MRI to see the veins in the head. Either they dont want a potential weak spot exposed, probably so it eventually kills me or they knew that I would have had a reaction to the dye as my body was so toxified from mold exposure.
I hung upside down last night. Some idiot tried to come over and say hello, he was with some kids in Harvard Sq who I now dont trust arent all in on this. Why does there have to be a loud musician right outside of the place I sleep all the time and the person always plays after 12 midnight? This old guy who sucks as a musician plays now in Harvard Sq and hes way to loud, he starts to late and I notice that he has only shown up since the kids came back to school. The screaming bible guy I can deal with, mostly becuz hes not full of sh*t and he's on his own ride- does it for himself.
I am lucky that who was playing last night was a kid I know I think he saw me ill and toned it down which was nice. It sucks being targeted, all these people always drop into whatever scene yer in and want to meet you . Its really sick actually. Its like 'what the hell do you want from me?' its not like I am a real celebrity. I am fighting oppression. War crimes, human rights violations. I need help doing that not some assholes who want to meet me. Its such a waste of my time. Either grab a weapon and start fighting or go away and do yer own thing. THEY SUCK these types who want to just meet a target. Who are they and what is their motive? That is why I like the squatter, travel scene. People usually are very self amusing and privacy is a given. Its wonderful actually. If only normal people in society had the manners that travelers have and respected the same boundaries I would be a much happier person and probably wouldn't have a problem trying to assimilate.
I was holding my head where I sleep and it was obvious that I was in pain. Anyone one watching could see and I assume that is what happened becuz today I woke up pain free and also there was relief from all the other stuff to like heavy depression, fear anxiety. Last night also and lately there has been a trend towards me being pushed to confess or feel as if I am going to die. Like I have to confess things or I will suicide- those are the choices.
Specifically the system or the torture itself is trying to gain confession concerning my old associates and their business dealings. Also for me to confess my part in it or that I took part in certain actions or a certian life style.
It feels very much like a confession for behavior modification to break me down not to solve any crimes.
I only get relief from the torture or physical health that has come from years of this by showing signs of being very affected like last night. This has also happened a few years ago when I was being horribly tortured in Kenmore Sq before whichever president put in an order or signed something curbing the amount and levels of torture that could be used.
What they want is behavior modification not information. They already know everything they want to know- the people behind this know everything to begin with, so they dont need the information. Its to break the target down as Confession is a major part of brainwashing and behavior modification.
Here in MA they usually have to stop when I show overt signs of being in pain. The problem with that is due to being programmed I am often in that much pain but can hide it.
If torture is being done to people at camps and the world wont help them then it can feasibly be done to someone like me and no one will help with that either. What strikes me now and I write this is that it now seems obvious those camps are probably to continue MK Ultra and other human experimentation as it seems that is what is going on to targets outside of camps like Guantanamo Bay and the like.
Many people like to know there is torture going on. It makes them feel powerful especially as citizens of the USA. To think, even subconshusly that there are living human beings being held captive somewhere by your govt, your military that may or may not be guilty of crimes against you such as 9-11 or further terrorist attempts- I see now that it gives the public a real sense of power. Those at the torture camps serve as an anchor for a public who has had thier security taken away by the idea that someone can do harm on American soil which is not supposed to happen. WE can go to other countries and stir up sh*t but it isnt allowed here.
I see now that America really is a viscuous dictator to the rest of the world. Whatever good this started out as by the countries forefathers or whatever the rest of the world loved about American GI's arriving on thier soil in the old days has been turned around into something very very nasty. Those that see that or dont want to be part of it are being punished.
I dont know if leaving the country is the answer as it seems America's reach is global so why not fight here in the belly of the beast? The attitude of those doing this is that you have to go along with everything they are doing and be in agreement with everything they believe in or you are a threat. Plus on a personal level it really feels like who ever is behind this really just doesnt like me. They hate me and its personal. They hate the way I look they hate me for what I am and how I am. That has been obvious all along but not as obvious as last night.
The cops in Cambridge see me and some of them give this body language and look and they even turn away quickly and expressively; they seem to be saying 'why the hell is she still here?' or that its foolish for me to still be here or on the streets.
What would you like me to do? Every time I get a place it turns out to be a perp- which has only happened twice but it was enough to let me know that I cant be safe housed. Also I have gotten harassed in shelters across the USA. I wont give them anymore chances to do that to me every again. Why should I work with the system when its abusive? Laura, that old friend of Jake's who was Ty's old girlfriend- who looks exactly like Ann Romney who told me enough about her family for me to know its Romney she is related to- after being involved in some nasty psych warfare at that hostel in St Loius(owned by a client of my former associate but I didnt know that until later), she then was mean to me and said while doing her makeup in the mirror: "And you always will have to deal with the harassment, but you COULD work with the system a little more". She was such a snooty, over priveledged spoilt brat (drunk) who was a total tool of the oppressor. Her and that scrawny rich boyfriend of her's who's dad sits him down and dictates what hes going to do with his life from a list.
And those kids were responsible for scaring off a really nasty perp who was trying to really mess up my head. (could have been good cop bad cop game). Those little idiots should stop being afraid of thier parents and stop caring about what the idiots at the college think of them and hit the road. They might actually grow the f*ck up, stop whining and being total weaklings- who have to pick on poor people to feel like they have any personal power. They suck. They made me out to be a Tupac, they actually compared me to him, a threat to the wealthy due to being an artist. Which means that you can feel validted in any consipiracy theories about Tupac's death then. And they knew all about these weapons as well. She actually said Jake was a horrible person so its confusing. Perps who care about the target are often stranger than the people out to just destroy. They are just as rough with you, invalidate your talents and want to keep you down but they have this odd attitude, like they arent going to let the real bad guys destroy you. I dont know who is worse really.
What do really rich people do to thier frickin kids? Why are they so f*cked up? Money must make people mentally ill or something. Maybe its just MI that makes people nuts. There are some wealthy communities in CO I have been too that drip with money and they seem peaceful, sane and well adjusted. Its places like MI, So Cal, and the east cost especially the north east that are clinically insane the more money they seem to have. The culture is so..sick.
Its obvious I have to get out of the city limits. There is way too much remote influence capablility here as well as Harvard Sq has been heavy handed with it every since the students came back. Its impossible to fight on a daily basis especially with my now comprised health. I may try to get a lawyer but I dont know what they could do for me. Someone who isnt afraid to fight the govt or the system. I could take action just for the obvious stuff people will believe becuz it seems that no one cares about TI's situations.
What is interesting is that I feel soon when the tech becomes official as its close now, there will be lawsuits perhaps. They might be trying to get as many TI's as possible to either totally discredit themselves by 'confessing' thier own dirt to incriminate themselves or getting victims to suicide, or just move on and forget so that they have less cases to deal with thus less proof. Its exactly what they did to my mother in the 90's.
Throughout this- from the Nazi's bringing this information over with them up til right now which is what..70 YEARS!!!! For 70 years there has been nothing but denial, intrigue, white washing and dirty pool to try to cover for these programs and projects. What truly sucks is that what was most likely created from early experimentation, like the tech and the drugs involved, are used on Targets to keep them quiet, dispose of them or force them into forgetting and never again facing what occurred. Seventy frickin years just about. And each new discovery from human experimentation is then used to dispose of further experimentees.
This has GOT to stop. If the country doesnt want to abide by the laws then just make it so. Take the laws off the books. Its the dishonesty, the secretiveness and the isolation and invalidation of what is and has been occurring that is the greatest torture of all.
I give it one day until they turn up the knobs again and I am either going crazy or have that vein in my head close to blowing again.
It seems that me showing I am in pain is a sign of deprogramming which is why it may be 'rewarded' with relief. I am supposed to stop hiding I am in pain and bond with people I assume that is what they want. Most of all they want me to not have any power as an individual. They definately want me to come out of this beaten down and seeking comfort among my fellow man opposed to my own inner power. Christianity I feel is prefered by whoever is doing this as a final destination as well which is predictable if yer going for neutralization of the Target. You cant get more dead than that. They would probably call it 'at peace' which is total bullshit. The people in on this including my own mother are some of the worst and sickest control freaks I have ever run into in my life. There is no way that peace can be the true and honest 'peace' that thier Christ represented.
Any feelings of peace that a TI has are most likely tech or chemically induced. Its not natural.
Another purpose of torture is to get all the anger and hostility out of the Target, so that they may be 'at peace'. You have a right to be angry and giving TI's brain damage then torturing them within an inch of thier lives as well as behavior modification is not only an injustice its the worst form of lying I have ever encountered.
Weak people who have suffered to much that dont have the balls to face their inner wounds and really truly HEAL themselves and CHANGE are the types that love a system like this. People like my mother would love something like this. These are the same types that still bond with thier abusive family of origin and go to Disneyworld alot, love Christmas and all that fake fake fake and lying to survive reality.
FACE REALITY and FACE YOUR ABUSERS. god. These types have absolutely NO sense of justice. Justice is as hard and cold as those beautiful buildings that house courtrooms. Rules are rules. You cant change the rules do to some bullshit childish idea of what the world should be.
I can totally see who the 60's generation might be conned into going along with this too. For them taking a drug to change thier way of feeling was an attractive way to make 'peace' in the world. They are so old now that they might just be sucked into such a false promise especially since the tech to them may resemble drugs or something to change the conshusness. They also do not have our feel for computers and probably mistake technology in many ways. Gen X always saw the potential dangers with having tech as part of society. One has to be careful its not harmless. Leary seemed to understand spirituality and tech- thus trying to insert himself into the cyber world by dying online.
I never like the way Boomers took in technology. They dont seem to have a feel for the wonderfully cold world of what tech is. Steel, metal, numbers. A dark, cool beauty- detached. And you must be ever on your guard as machines malfunction as people do.
Peace on earth is not worth this. Its a lie and a deception.
Right now there are alot of people believing that destroying the system was a good thing so they could build this perfect world. As far as I am concerned they are all really sick f*cks. I have talked to some of them along the way and they really do believe that destroying the USA is a great idea to put a better system in place.
Totally out of thier minds. They always seem as crazy, f*cked and selfish as Laura's type of person. Alot of these people seem clinically insane but its like they are surrounded by other people just like them so they dont realize it.
I now understand that common sense and doing right are probably things associated with the lower classes so that is why we are disregarded or tortured and mocked.
Thinking of that little girl in that Anna Nicole video I posted on my other blog yesterday. They were mocking the fact she had common sense and they were using her sense of right and wrong to torture her. It was a truly sick scene. That is exactly what the perps do to a TI, so you can forget when they try to convince you that you are wrong or deserve this or whatever. Much of the upper classes are sick sick sick as well as they see corruption as part of the business that makes the world go round. this is also why anyone from those classes that speaks out or investigates the wrong things gets targeted just like we do. (The man in a Nick Bloomfield movie http://www.screenonline.org.uk/tv/id/501687/ claims he was targeted after digging too deeply into Thatchers affairs revealing some corruption. He is not a poor person and I assume that in Britian in order to get that kind of job in politics one would have to be from an acceptable class to begin with, so its not just poor people getting targeted.)
It always seems tied to drugs, sex and money. Obvious as that may seem you would not believe the amount of people who will still not accept the idea that organized stalking and harassment exists- even knowing the way our world works they still deny it. Its like they understand these things exist but when they have to see the mechanics of it in action they dont want to deal with that directly. They are all cowards then.
Yesterday here at the library I got this impression that someone who was sitting to my left, when he got up and looked at me to be on his way, I got a strong impression from the look and his body language that he really thought that I dont know the people I am messing with behind this system. I have gotten this same reaction many times. Its a combo of hatred of the target along with pure arrogance. You dont know who yer messin with. As if eventually that will subdue me. Whatever, why would that work on me? It might work to mess up morale along with everything else that seems to be used recently to mess me up.
These peons- they are so 'into' thier masters. So feeling thier power and being a part of it. What do you expect me to do? You invaded and you took. You owe me. I will get back what is mine and I want payment.
Its not like before when you can do the same thing again. They dont burn people at the stake anymore..u feelin me? This time the debts will be paid.