Its Sunday and of course there is relief. Interestingly it feels like the summer again, before school went back into session. I had noted a change when school came back in session and its only gotten worse.
Trying to live here is unbearable now. As I have posted before Saturdays are unbearable with the most torture leading to suicidal ideations, self injury/alteration or deadly severe depression.
My self image is always at its worst on Saturdays. This has shown itself to be a pattern since the university went back into session.
This morning the air is crisp and the trees look clear and bright. I can actually take this all in and acknowledge my surroundings. However during the week I am imprisoned in some sort of field that makes everything look bleek and keeps me focused off nature and dulls my senses. All I can think about is what is on my list of things to do and then its hard to think straight or get anything done.
Lately the ideations have been very forceful with the constant idea that my work as well as myself is now being looked at as simply mental illness. That I am wasting my time, no one is going to believe me etc. This is being pushed very very hard.
I have a hard time getting anything done during the week and the workload I can focus on is very limited compared to under natural conditions.
I have also been experiencing alot of what I have dubbed induced image. I am not good at coining titles and phrases usually someone else may come up with something more catchy in description. What this entails is when its very obvious that remote influence is involved in altering one's own self image to the point of that alteration making it difficult for that person to function properly. There is also a component where one can only express themselves in a very limited way that is not that person's true personality or traits. For example lately I have been reduced to being very female, very stupid and very ineffective due to being limited to being very passive such as the ideal dumb female would be. I have noted this effect in other locations as well in my experience with this system. Its very telling that at 12 midnight approx this limitation just vanishes and I become coherent, strong and focused again.
Very submissive, passive and unable to focus well so I usually revert to being motherly or taking care of people as a reaction to this.
I also deal with much more disrespect than usual furthering my feelings of inferiority and of course then being reactionary I act out of fear from not having full access to all my faculties by reverting to being a caretaker.
One has to remember that Harvard gets the largest amount of money to keep going of any college in the WORLD...not the country the whole world. Also Nixon once refered to Harvard as Kremlin on the Charles- Nixon was Prescott Bush's protege and need I say more at that point..?
Have been hearing alot about China being very tied to the USA and buying up raw material production areas so US is limited. Often many TI's have found that the whole system of People Management which includes gang stalking is very much like something China or old USSR would have put out on its people. If we are making deals with communist China the suspicions are not unfounded. I have also experienced many Chinese in on my harassment in Boston but not in other areas. However they seem to be the largest number of an ethnic group after African Americans that are aware of my situation by giving indication passing on the street. Blacks often harden themselves when they look at me and feel bad but Chinese seem to feel more shame or guilt. Whites women of course either turn away or steal themselves into believing that they are tough or it had to be done. The white males seem to be the most sadistic or have that killer look that all white women fear all thier lives- the look of nothing more than predator, a killer animal that wanted to get rid of me and is satisfied that is being done.
The black male reaction to knowing who I am and my situation on the street seems a bit more like I am some sort of small child that got very much punished and they feel bad but that is the way the system is. By the way none of these reactions are appropriate to the situation, they are all self aggrandizing power plays, none of which are accurate and they can all go f*ck themselves for even being privvy to this and not being decent enough to respect my fighting back or maintaining throughout. They all have one thing in common: DISRESPECT. And this might be part of the ploy to get me to confess.
That book I was reading in the CoOp yesterday when that creep messed with me, was a book titled: "Things White People Like" (of course it was YUPpies. I should write a book called 'Things Poor White People Over 35 Like', it would be a slightly different list thats for sure). It stated that the two things white people like the best are respect and making lots of money or financial status.
It could be that disrespecting me so hard over time is hoped to cause me to crack and confess. Which of course will prove MK Works and will sell this system to whoever or at least validate its existence. Which of course I cant do becuz its unethical, unfair and really its used for behavior modification to keep people down that the elite have f*cked over as well as hide evidence per victim witnesses.
So I am free for another Sunday. I dont know why I cant plan better during the week. Like to get out of Boston area once a day or stay away from people who are only helping this system..
I didnt mention that did I? That kid Johnny is not around so much he found some ditzy street girl to hang out with which is good. But his little protege Jay and this obnoxious black kid Dollar are still the most psychically disturbing and draining people in the area. Its amazing just what 2 strong psychic vampires who are also so weak that they only target or mess with a female like myself can do to screw up an entire area. Also many of the kids are gone now and the people remaining are kids from urban Boston coming here to hang or whatever and the core Harvard squat kids who stay every winter.
Jay is abusive to me due to worshipping Johnny and thus picking up the idea he can constantly f*ck with me and he only does this when any stronger males are not around. Skinny weaklings often pick on strong women becuz this is the closest thing to a male weaker than themselves. The kid was nice this summer and something about hanging with that Johnny has now given him a pair of eyes to see if you know what I mean. I feel he is often targeting me or that he takes any opportunity to mess with me. One of the real men around here told me to just floor him but its hard with the induced female submissive weak state induced during the week and saturdays.
So the influence of Johnny and these two other kids only assists this system of oppression during the weak. There was talk of one of them being a rat and all TI's know what that means for us. It means that they may have been introduced to more than just the usual rattintg system and its benefits.
Often as part of the cover story I think there was an attempt to make me out to be a rat. I heard a rumour intimated that my settle-out-of-court money from Olnick was actually a payoff for ratting to keep me out of trouble for being exposed as involved in adult entertainment. It could be that info recorded in my apartment was also used against people so that image was built on that. Its so great that the system had this federal investigation going on to cover thier actions. With the war going on as well, the Patriot Act to utililize as well as it seems no holds barred on torture during that era.
I recall that psycho at the hostel in St Louis MO intimating to me that what was said in my apartment "embarassed alot of people". Too f*cking bad people. We are dealing with MK Ultra, Project Chatter and the long term consequences of Project Paperclip. They are lucky that my internal programming structures held up as well as they did and truly sensitive info was either hidden or wiped.
Of course no one cares what I had to go through they only care about themselves. So I had to be tortured and destroyed and given brain damage by the system at the same time as all the rich assholesholes with dirt to hide get to be mad at me for being destroyed and my future taken away so this system can gain information.
And for that both sides will pay for thier selfish, greedy ways. The people so worried about being exposed actually assisted this system in destroying me. Everyone is gonna pay when this gets settled...oh and it WILL get settled.
So that is what I have been going up against lately in Cambridge MA. And I wont go anywhere else becuz there are no shelters that are decent or that I wont be targeted in immediately upon arrival that I can stay in to go to my medical appointments. I will stay as long as they keep trying to make me leave.
During the weak its almost constant mental slideshows and ideations mostly consisting of flashing visions of UMass or leaving the state and going to the southwest. Both of course are for the purpose of pushing for those actions or outcomes.
Also, there is constant jamming of memory along with going over memories that seem selected by the system of remote influence. This obvservation is due to the way the memories come up. They have no particular order and appear randomly. Also this does NOT happen on Sundays or after 12 midnight.
Years ago this would occur in attempts to do what appeared as a program of reform like showing me my misdeeds to others in life, mistakes etc. I always rejected this due to the idea that this system is false and has no right to act as the Judeo-Christian 'god' in human beings lives. This is eerily reminiscent of the Neocon threat during Bush where a member of the administration stated that there will be pergatory for those who do not go along with these things that they want to do, which of course is most likely the NWO world peace via mind control plan. Ridiculous and should be fought tooth and nail till the end. These little boys have way to many expensive and dangerous toys and all females know that men, due to their inhability to internally gestate a life get very facsinated with being gods or having the Big Daddy's power. Now they have achieved this and need to be brought inside, spanked, denied supper and put to bed promptly preferably crying like babies. They are being very irresponsible with these technogies and that is that. I am shocked at the women involved in this. Then again perhaps operating in the capacity of a man or being in the company of such males melts one's brains to the point of not being able to function properly any longer.
Now this system seems to be showing me memories that will assist me in what I am trying to do with countering the system itself. Still it interferes with my getting anything done.
What is the point of me being a messenger to an world full of people that do not want to listen or seem unconcerned? Also this ensures that this project takes up my time and not having a real life among regular people, creating artwork of my choosing etc. It serves to further isolate me from society as well as put me on this prophet trip which is ridiculous. Its all to ensure that I cant have a normal productive life as an American citizen. In the end, what is this book going to accomplish? The people who dont know either dont care or they will never know about my book and the people that do know about this system already know and dont need to be told. Its like more entertainment for the people who are in on it already. Your not allowed to be happy you have to have all this responsibility which of course really serves as diversion. It has taken all my energy, ruined my health and my looks, and caused me years of unhappiness. And its all planned- a kid who knows about this (obviously) told me that I would become a contreversial author and that was going to be the outcome. This is of course to manage me so I dont interfere or compete with any of my former peers. And sick f*cks like my mother and other stupid control freaks who hide will convince themselves that this system has assisted me in making something of my life and producing an artwork. My mother has always been totally f*cked in this way. She is the one who destroys, abuses and helped keep me down but then will take action to change my situation (control my life) and state "oh it had to be done you werent surviving in that environment". When are all these f*ck ups going to just admit that they are victims of sexual abuse so horrid that it has turned them into total psychos who have to control someone elses life due to the fact they cant control thier own as well as they cant face thier own inner wounds?
The fact that anyone would agree with my mother wanted this done to me shows that there are too many sick people involved in running these technolgies to begin with. I wouldnt doubt if she has indeed joined up with the military in some sick program to reform me or behavior modify me and its all to gain control as well as to destroy me as was always her goal in life. She would do things to destroy all the damn time and then deny she did any such thing. She is totally out of control and she is dangerous due to the fact that she has learned over the years how to hide. She is exactly like her father. What she wants from me most is to fear her so she can get off on it. My father was right about her and her whole family. They are totally f*cked and now I see under control.
When a persons mother is involved in validating such actions taken against a person, this gives the system the legitamacy it needs to continue the campaign. Many people have mentioned her as the cause of this which of course is just more cover story. She is arrogant, controlling and totally out of her mind. This is a battle of Wills a battle for control and a battle to prove just exactly who is in the right. I of course present a much more sane view, which is that no one should be subjected to this kind of abuse just becuz people are controlling, jealous or are afraid of the power structure behind it.
And I will in time go after that woman specifically for everything she has done to me and her family as well. The gang stalking system gets people like this around the main Target on board as it ads legitimacy to the campaign as some sort of valid reform or behavior modification program.
Isnt it interesting that I cant expose my family or my mother's abuse as I am too jammed during the week usually. My mother thinks that just becuz Danny was easy to take care of I will be as well. She has also stated that the destruction of John Butcher Axis's career had to do with her influence, as well as she has in the past often terrorized me with telling me she knew my location as well as the company I was keeping. Which of course ties her to this system as a perp not just as a victim. I dont know what she is involved in but I will be damned if I will be destroyed and written of just becuz she is more powerful than me in some connection to covert factions.
My whole reality has been dictated by her and this system all my life and no one is willing to stand up to her and her bunch of asshole fellow abusers in this system. As Jake once told me "your family has basically written you off", which of course he then took full advantage of after he got busted.
Its expected that due to my good nature and my gentleness I will take this well. The people around me want to claim that my taking this situation well and surviving is due to thsi being me naturally. In fact this is only a continuation of years of enslavement as well as abuse. They raised me to be a slave and to be kept down so its natural for them to attempt to continue that trend when the threat of me using my free Will comes about.
I am sick and tired of being connected to my mother's family and I am tired of the authorities siding with them. This whole network of pedophile families works to keep down anyone who threatens to expose this system. The victims like my mother are just as sick as their abusers. They are people who are too weak to break the bonds of oppression. My mother or this system MUST continue to define me narrowly as either being HER daughter or being DANNY's daughter. In order to still keep me under control I have to be narrowly defined as related to thus resembling these parties, even grandparents but never as an individual unto myself. Its one of thier only means of total control that is almost impossible to break.
The police are VERY very into this on that level. They seem to be very much in charge of managing this system and I often wonder if even moreso than the military involved. Yes, military bases are always a problem for TI's and one can often feel effects from being in the vacinity of a base. To be honest the effects from a military base are not half as f*cked up as what police seem to be into. THey are totally oppressive and seek to create a society that is completely without imagination or Willful citizens. The military abuse has been at least a bit more..er 'creative'. Intense at least. Colorful. What the cops seem to be in on is to make me into a submissive caretaker or get me into good middle class values, which of course if one looks at it in total one sees that its exactly like a eugenics program. And of course the truth is that I didnt need reforming at all- this is being done so that I dont reveal information. And its also to place me in a life after discrediting me so I cant f*ck up the lives of thier precious Julie or Jake.
Its true what Alex Jones says this is occupied territory and ever TI knows it but no one comes out and says it like him. I still dont fully trust anyone who exists as he does becuz I always ask how is it that he CAN exist? But he is all we have right now in the midst of this nightmare and he seems to do alot of good work. It at least helps those of us who have no resources and are totally being kept down in the streets unless we comply to the oppressors/aggressors demands to relinquish our lives to control of 'The State'.