I was being tortured tonight once again. Same old stuff- sexual arousal coupled with guilt and humiliation etc. Looking over files of copied records etc. Bunch of stuff missing off hard drive and I believe that at Mass Art the computer system or someone hacked into it was messing with my external hardrive becuz of some indications of hacking or interfering when I was on that public system this summer. Now a whole year of copied documents are missing. Which means I have to copy them all over again. And alot of stuff is still out of order which makes me wonder just how jammed or diverted I was when I was trying to get them all in order and scan them.
This kind of jamming nonsense goes on all the time and its especially prominent when a Target is trying to get something done like a court case or document the harassment. A blog is meaningless and they know it. Papertrails and documentation are something this system will try to block until the day you die. A blog can be used to thier advantage to make the TI look nuts. They want us all to blog about totally unbelievable occurences becuz it helps the smear campaign make us look schizo.
Thats if we cant back it up.
At night I go into this bakery cafe place to use my computer. Most nights its alright but if I stay in there long enough of course alot of the old homebums come in there. I often wonder if its me or just the timing or random. I have gone in there at midnight and the place is empty in back but when I stay there at night I notice its always filled up.
I couldnt concentrate as I was getting alot of sexually intimidating feelings and one old moron couldnt stop looking at me and this black kid was making me uncomfortable as well. Also I always have Truman Show Syndrome in this place, which of course is obviously the use of tech in this location. Think I am just crazy? Then why does it only happen in this exact location, this exact way and when I dont enter this building it does NOT occur? Every time I sit in this establishment I have the exact same responses and feelings and reactions every time. I always feel like I am being watched when in this place. Much of it is obviously for behavior modification becuz its a call and return system.
I get approval and rewards or the opposite effect with this system or a Truman Show type scenerio being intimated or imagined in this location. And its only in THIS location in Harvard Sq and it only occurs this way in this building and it ceases when I leave this building.
I moved my seat over to the side due to realizing that there were too many homeless males back near the bathrooms. I just come in here to get work done and I dont need distractions like that. This is what loser guys do...they're ignorant and in general men only care about thier own needs not leaving women the hell alone to tend to thier own affairs. Even when men stand near me to wait for the men's room its obvious by thier body language that they feel its ok to be nosy about what I am doing on my computer or stand right near my table instead of a respectable amount of space away or sit to wait for the men's room or they turn in my direction to play with thier phone or just wait in line. Its all this unconshus reaction to a female sitting there alone. Men really believe that we are there to comfort them, take care of them or that we are second class citizens. I can tell by the way in this kind of situation they dont respect my space right off the bat, they need to be chased off constantly. It could also be gang stalking as in mobbing personal space becuz I dont see people using the bathroom that much usually but I doubt it. Men just dont respect space unless its another man's space. And god help anyone who interfered with thier complex and paranoid bathroom rituals. Here is a video that shows how ridiculous it is really:
I moved to a table on the side on the same side as the counter and registers. Of course facing me was another group at a table one of which was this annoying fat old guy who thinks I am stupid like the old days and keeps asking me to do photos for him to make money. Everyone is so stupid. If I wanted to do anything remotely like that now I would have a penthouse by now or own a frickin house or some sort of investment in my future. Or I would be with a very very rich man right now instead of sitting here in poverty in this bakery.
I am too far gone to think about comfort. Its all about revenge now and this system is making any exposure of my story very difficult as you can plainly tell.
Let the homebums sit there and hang out as long as they dont interfer with my work. Then we have a f*cking problem.
I got aggrevated with the sexual arousal and humilition I was recieving so I googled a business owned by my old associate's former boss and mentor. The moment I did that someone somewhere got very freaked out and my computer shut off for no reason. As I messed with it and started up again the effects went away.
I dont understand what this system is trying to do. One of its goals seems to be to associate much shame with sex. Earlier I had taken some footage of a church around the corner due to it having alot of Templar symbols in its build. All this evening after that I got constant ideations that I should become a nun or live that exact way without being a Christian. I pictured the Unitarian church a few times as a possible way around Jesus having to be a focus, had a hard time all night listening to my black metal music, was told that there will come a day when I will no longer want to listen to it anymore, was then given the ideation that I was put through this so I could reach this point of knowing so much evil that I only now am made of good and want to do good, and then had a few thoughts about my blonde cousin who is now an ordained minister and genetic engineer- how I had not seen her in years and she is a minister and I should be more like her and like my mother's family (pretends to be) like that.
Whatever good feelings or safety I felt around that church, soley I believe due to the specifics of the Templar symbolism and the energy anchoring it, it seems this system took the emotional signatures from that and just kept running them as they can be then used to con a human being into complying via something feeeling good or rewarding.
All of what is done to TI's is based on behavioral psychology and pavlovian conditioning.
People stupid enough to believe in this shit or think its good need to be hte first to die in whatever is coming soon to rid this planet of overpopulation. I am more and more starting to really want it to happen but to them not us who are smart enough to know what is happening. You would not believe the amount of fools who believe in this system, believe its actually God talking to them or think its good for someo0ne to be destroyed and then modified.
After the computer got shut off I caught a glimpse of myself in my black computer screen. It was still in the midst of that moment where I attempted to look up an adult entertainment business like I wrote above- I finally felt free for a moment, had my own Will for a second and compared my old life experiences to these new ones and how things are now. I look so much worse compared to when this all started in 2003. I also took note of my weight compared to that time. My face was frozen in a permanent grimace. I have lines now that are starting to define sagging skin...just the starting of it but its becoming obvious.
I know damn well that I would NOT look like this had I not been destroyed, hunted, driven into the street etc. Gang stalked, targeted.
This system doesnt fool any of us who are smart enough to know what is going on. There is nothing good or godly about this system. It is ALL in the interst of covering up for the massive pedophile network that exists and that same network as its connected to programming and mind control.
They will do ANYTHING to convince a victim witness that they are the ones who are in need of reform and its ALL In the interest of keeping one silent about what they know.
People like my mother and her whole family will work with this system due to them having a good front or a whitewash over what they did in the 70's. They want my cousin the blonde scientist Christian to be what represents who they are not the dark eyed dark haired kid they screwed up.
One such example of what they are afraid of me remembering before the age of 6 is for instance: when I was staying at the Hi Hostel that is a BU dorm in the winter but is a hostel in the summer on Commonwealth Ave, I had this familiar feeling about the chandaleir in the lobby as well as started to remember things when I really looked at some of the bathroom fixtures and these were NOT memories from my 20's when I worked in an alter ego state. This was from when I was very young. This is from the compartments that house memories that I couldnt recall for years.
I really had the feeling and some recall of my aunt who was a prostitute taking me on some calls with her. I could see some very vague memories. This is why they come after you the second you start to recall anything, when they know your programming is breaking down. Pedo families have alot to hide and there is an entire system out there that will assist them in doing so.
Its also why family members have to be terrorized into compliance and be put into behavior modification programs as if they deserve this after all they have already suffered. THe people involved arent doing it to the survivor becuz they are immoral enough to need such treatment they are doing it to cover thier own asses. All they care about is themselves which is what the survivor has experienced from thier families from day 1 anyway.
Thats why its such a mind f*ck for people to brainwash them into believing they are put into behavior modification programs for thier own good or that its good for them or they need reforming and its becuz people love them. People like myself are used to people controlling them, being really mean to them and working them like a horse or some animal. So one can see that nothing has changed. What we experienced from the people around us hasnt changed one bit. They are still assholes and thier touching (bullshit) attempts at keeping our memories from hurting us are really once again ALL ABOUT THEM and thier needs.
I cant confirm these memories as I am as sure about other ones but with the circumstances in my family matching what I remember it seems very feasible.
You dont understand how f*cked the 70's was. Soft kiddie porn was very acceptable in the US in major cities. Brook Shields childhood movie(s) should be obvious enough. People just do NOT seem to see these things for what they are. Then they go and buy into Brittney's image like on that album cover 'Baby One More Time'. I only saw it in the past few years and they still wont live in reality about what the content is about. Then of course becuz Brittany is more Willful than good well behaved victim Brooke, she gets the full treatment (so it appeared) and is driven nuts by this system, blamed for it all and handed right back into the custody of her sh*t father. Do you have any idea what people are into in Louisiana? You realize of course that Eddie Cox or Hand is Cajun. He's the guy that had pics of little girls in his phone and he is also the same person who I woke up to on the bus with ocean sounds coming out of his cell phone- he was trying to access me. I was too brain damaged and had learned to wake up at such a threat. Besides a moving bus with lots of people is not exactly going to work.
I have many memories and this explains why its thier goal to keep me from getting organized. And the more discredited I can become over time the less believable my story will be.