Finally took what I had and left. Besides it being the middle of winter in MA..there has been something that has come over MA in the past month or few weeks. A darkness and a cold. It has a stillness to it. I should have left in Nov and as this darkness came over MA I should have left right before then --that would have been last month when I was trying to leave.
As I travel I realize that life in these little small town or other regions like SC for instance...things are much less expensive. The pace is slower. One's stress levels just start dropping as one leaves the Northeast. Wal Mart in MA doesnt carry all that the ones in the south and midwest carry I notice. It was so inexpensive here I could actually buy pants as well as some lunch and still have money to travel. People are polite.
And I realize that to them all the protesting and arguing and fighting probably makes no sense about anything..the war, or whatever. The problem I have consistently seen in the USA is that the regions are cut off from each other and the news tells people whatever it wants. Local nightly news up to more involved news outlets.
Would anyone in a small town in the Carolinas know anything about human experimentation up north? What MIT it up to?
NYC sucked. Ever since being yourself, being free to express yourself and partying became illegal and somehow against social norms that city has become a pit of paranioa and hate. It always had those elements but it was balanced by other things. The mood just sucked all around. A big bore.
As I left that region my stress melted away and I am sure that certain issues will become unimportant as I get further away.
Besides the fact that Boston is so heavily saturated with...lets say the means of remote influence its unlivable. As I got further away I started to feel better and my body and mind have begun to repair..if that is ever possible.
I can imagine the party they will have there now I am gone again. Just like I wonder about the one they will have when I am dead. Probably just pat themselves on the backs and get back to work..
As I stopped in a small city in the Carolinas all I have gotten is a wave from some local cops parked in a lot which I ignored becuz its too confusing to respond to.
-are they crooked/perps and trying to psych me out or get me going?
-are they just friendly here and wave at everyone?
-are they cops who admire my work and thats why they are waving?
I am never as stupid as I am gaslighted and traumatized. Dont think TI's are stupid...they are just never allowed to be outside the prison that is constructed for them. Percieving them as stupid is not only cruel but untrue. So much damage has been done to targets and many are mc survivors to begin with so will have limited knowledge of the outside world or 'normal' life and reality.
Unfortunately after all that is done to targets there is often brain damage and other physical damage. That is alot to deal with as TI's go along.
Its nice to think that the cop was waving due to me being brave, not giving in and being dedicated. However, it could be that he is partaking in torture as he is a tool of people in power. The police have always been the hardest to figure out. They are conflicting in their motives and their actions as well as some are helpful and others are partaking in the harassment and stalking.
Again, I dont get it. Perhaps they feel they are more highly intelligent than the average citizen and therefore play games with the superior intel and knowledge that they have access to. Cops are...bizarre to say the least. Perhaps this is the continued game...that you never really know where you stand from place to place and that is unerving.
Dont know.
Someone who is put through this is not stupid..they are expendable. They are kept down.
Diagnoses:Greed.. sounds more sensible..yet its inconvenient I know.
I just wonder as I look at some of the homeless in Boston....what the hell is thier story?! They must have been normal at some point.
THAT is when thinking about that becomes scary.
I couldnt get anything done in Boston..not a thing.
Continue to understand that you are fighting a death sentence by a bunch or greedy impatient people. The only reason you are nothing is becuz you were allowed to be nothing. And if getting rid of you is so important then why didnt they just get rid of you then?
I am tired from travel . I will post again soon.
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Might it be better in towns too small to have universities?
ReplyDeleteThese days, it's a bit difficult to find a town on the UK mainland that's not near a "university" -even if that's sometimes a renamed polytechnic.
If you can't avoid colleges, there must be some that lack departments of experimental psychiatry, which must supply the expertise, if not the motive.
Botswana still seems to be run by human beings, but it's now surrounded by states run by utter bastards, into which category South Africa slipped, just a few years ago. It wasn't the change to government by the ANC that did it: it was a change in who called the shots within the ANC.
I am no sure when this change happened in the USA, but there was an attempt at a military coup in 1927 (the Eugenics era), which doesn't seem to be in American history books.
Someone has been playing the long game, but they're impatient now, as you say. Wouldn't half help to know why!
Just me. RKH. Whether you want to post this is entirely up to you. If you think it might be helpful or anyone, fine. If not, that's okay. It's for you anyway. There's a link at the bottom too...
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm assuming when you say you bought a pair of pants, you mean slacks or trousers. It was a slightly unsettling moment. Just kidding.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AlT
6-PDgrQ&feature=related
Rachael, I'm reminded of the scene in Shindler's List, where the Commandant's jewish housekeeper is telling Shindler in her anguish that there is no consistency to his actions, that sometimes he beatd her, sometimes he treats her well and she has no grounds of stability on which to base her actions, and that she fears that one day he is going to kill her. Shindler answers that he won't, becasue he needs her, that he shot anoher woman so casually becasue she meant nothing to him.
If those cops didn't know you - and it's aways a possibility, then chances are it was a case of bozos will be bozos and he or they waved becausee you're a great-looking woman on her own, if too modest to say so; and presumably with some kind of carrier or backpack. But I'm not trivialising what you're saying. And if there's some accurracy to it, then no, you're not a quite a 'nobody' to them even Can't have it both ways. On the other hand, this mindset is like a creeping psychosis that encourages or breeds sadism. It's clear that what these people get a warped kick out of is the awareness their selected target can't figure out WTF is going on. As I sid to my next door neigbour C., I err on the side of caution and assume the worst to keep myself on my toes, so to say; which may well be a recipe for rampant paranoia, but you know how the song goes...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_UQWjx3HRo&feature=related
But yes, pulling the rug out from under it and short-circuiting their tiny0minded satisfactions, by letting them know when you anticipate it; play the fool, sychronize a clap or a laugh or an about turn when they start their engiine or whatever. A local supermarket was tipping them off before - I finally made the connection - so on my shopping trip I repeatedly grinned at the camera and, having brought one, dropped an egg directly under it. No cops, not even security, and no car/s waiting. But there WAS a change of strategy, or so it seemed, and was vans revving and starting their engines. I don't react, then turn directly into the road as they move off so I can see them; they don't react either, and that's the giveaway in a way. One is playing them at their own game. They tried it with a more official van but I was prepared and farted around a bit, stopping and pretenfing to look in my pocket and heard the clutch going into gear - then HONKED my concealed bike horn as I came directly adfacent to them and just as they started up their engine. Boy, did that give tthem a chuckle - not.
The tip of the iceberg. A cleverer one on their part was to set off a local alarm after a bout from a closer one - cue egg blitzkrieg - which I went and 'investigated', then they switched it off and I'm the lemon walking from the scene of a potential crime. I only fell for that once, though someone tried it on again with a loud band behind me in the very early morning in the dark; there are some pleasant walks where I live - much greenery. So I clapped from my bathroom window and it eachoes off the wall opposite and right across the local works - who control the alarms as far as I'm concerned. It's surely not quite the same for a woman, I know. And you on your travels. Sometimes I'll even give THEM a false sense of confidence. But I'll always react, if not then, then later; in that sense I think as they do. And I'll go to previous spots I've been stalked/watched and dump something THERE. I don't mean shit, I mean jokes or info for the locals or er, whatever amuses me. Which brought on more hassle of course; but we've just been over some of that! Better stop. Anyway, now I'm a bit of a 'personality' - like you in a sense. I don't act guilty or 'scared' and where's the fun in winding up/gaslighting someone who grequently second-guesses you, Having you look foolish with the rest? That and that the fucker seems to have brainwashed a buddy or three into actually believing his crazy stories, as the buggers were heading straight for me/us. (In actual fact we just happened to be going in the direction towards the bloke who was parked, after leaving the flat, but he didn't know that, and off he went anyway; after 'coolly' lighting a fagarette. Smokers are losers. Often. And all 'perps' are losers. Could elaborate and have elsewhere but I've got to finish! And I've yet to read more posts.
The darkness is sustained only by the light. If everyone was like them the world would collapse under its own dead weight. And the world is an illusion. Recently it's been becoming clearer this might not be aloud to happen, in any case.
jesus is magic
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/136965/jesus_is_magic_trailer/
I grew up in a small town, and it was normal for people to wave at each other, so this is something that you might get used to after a while of being there. But people who have lived in the cities don't know what to think of it at first. Also, a lot of strangers make eye contact with you, or say hello. If you've ever seen the movie Crocodile Dundee, think of the scene where he's walking through the city saying 'G'day' to everyone he passes on the sidewalk.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I read your blog so I don't know much about what you're doing, but if you're moving out of Boston permanently, I think things will probably be easier for you in a smaller or more rural area. I am also a TI but I am not being attacked as badly as some people are; anyway I notice drastic changes in the phenomena when I go to other areas, like when I visit my parents. Good luck and I will keep reading your blog to see how things are going.
Gaslighting - or me negotiating the minefield/joining the dots, in more ways than one - as do you.
ReplyDeleteThe Great Complainer
http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/colinwilsondiscussionforum/message/1540
Interesting film:
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiocracy
Saw this film referenced when browsing comments from gangstalkingworld.
http://gangstalking.wordpress.com/about/
You'll 'like' this. (The Tron was really only a kind of glorified gify shop in its way, if a big one. An interesting hostorical setting though, as the inside, complted with stairwells and barriers centred around the excavated street from the 16th century that part of the Tron was built over.
ReplyDeleteJ'know, I have a couple of littlespy books. Streetwise Spycraft, and the SPY'S GUIDE: office espionage.
I also have an email to Tate 'entitled' ZZZZZZZZZ...from some time ago.
Later.
Curses, I forgot to paste this;
ReplyDeleteWilson group/Tron
http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/colinwilsonfanclub/message/148
Couldn't resist this! Goldberg's book - I was 27. Stumbled upon it in the Central Library in Edinburgh. A revelation; the beginning of the end, of me and the PN - prime narcisssit! - and a whole lot else. But they're far more resiliant than that, as we've found....
ReplyDeleteLater!!
Re: The "Hero"/Dreamer of the Dream/Inner...
'No, I'm not enlightened either, but I think I already made that joke
before. Some interesting comments. But you never included anything
from the posting you're commenting on. it occurred to me someone
might pick up on the comments on Zen, but to be honest I only
included them for the sake of context - which was about "dark
matter", the dissociation involved in passive or sneaky aggression
as "maverick" psychologist Herb goldberg put it back in '74 in his
book Creative Aggression, which I've mentioned before'.
http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/colinwilsondiscussionforum/message/1358
Hi R. You''ll see why I sent this when it gets to the therapy scene, but the whole thing is inspired.
ReplyDeleteAs Tate knows I'm sure, one of the psychological and emotional benefits of a centralised location. The whole series had been shown repeatedly on cable as it's got more popular. It's brilliant, inspired. A whole other world from the 'perps' and their soap-following kind. And yet it's been long apparent that the writers of Third Rock are aware of that world'; 'passive aggression', crazymaking, gaslighting, obfuscation, all that life-negating, destructive mindset. Sarah Silverman too, and notoroius and laugh-riot comedian, Jerry Sadowitz. I've seen him a few times. He's had me quite helplless with laughter. The term 'jaw-dropping' was surely coined for him!
Anyway, I think you'll love this if you can find the time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I47yM_0Xzg
the bridge to the real world (and try typing this phrase in google for a 'laugh')
http://www.thelittlegarden.org/acimpdf/text/c16s6.pdf
theory
http://www.facim.org/acim/theory.htm