RIP Gregg Allman

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Disclaimers

Please be advised that this written work of mine is only THEORY. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no belief in anything posted here because if I did I would have had legal action taken by now-until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.

Also it's obviously not clear enough to readers that I've put up a disclaimer for years that says I'm often sleep deprived when posting due to my lifestyle as a houseless Traveler (and my age as well as health issues). This should be taken into consideration when viewing my posts.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Harassment at the Rescue Mission El Paso leaves me on the street again

The first night I arrived a woman by the name of Mary Parks (Clark?) terrorized me. She is an older African American woman who is very 'country'. She is also extremely sick, controlling, and reminds me very much of some of the sickest most sadistic people I have ever met. For all I have been through this is one of the most dangerous people I have ever dealt with.. she is full of hate and extremely manipulative. She is dangerous and very threatening.
This woman is the main bully and has caused there to be a mobbing situation to occur within the Resue Mission with me as Target. My only question would be..is it fully internal or is this once again connected to outside influence.

Before I begin you must know something about El Paso...a few things:
http://cc.msnscache.com/cache.aspx?q=murder+for+hire+at+the+border+juarez&d=75674910408515&mkt=en-US&setlang=en-US&w=b720958e,2fabfdb1

http://airwolf.lmtonline.com/news/archive/0831/pagea12.pdf

http://newspapertree.com/features/print/302-inquiry-indicates-police-drug-ties

http://www.elpasotimes.com/juarez/ci_11229197

http://www.alipac.us/article3842.html .

The drugs are none of my business and with what I am dealing with none of my concern..however this DOES mean that alot of people here need to cover their asses therefore can be bargained with or blackmailed etc.

What strikes me is how peaceful my stay was until a few days ago. I have had more trouble with the residents of the Mission and a police man than I have with anyone deemed dangerous or violent that seems drug related directly. I am recieving the same treatment that I get everywhere in a town or city of this size. If it were a more urban enviroment I would be getting a different kind of harassment.

The thing that is so typical is the types of people in shelters that usually are into this kind of thing. Its usually people who have been to prison or jail, but never a structured program in prison. All they learned is to be more angry as well as more into crime and become institutionalized. Also alot of these people are in early recovery I notice. At this time in recovery it is easy to take advantage of a cult mind controlled like state as the person is forming a new self without the influence of drugs or alchohol. The system interferes with what should be private growth in a 12 step program and when a person is vulnerable indoctrinates them into the system. In this way, the cult like 12 step groups do become of use to the system. IF they were used as they were supposed to be totally anonymous and outside the system then the cult like state they produce in people would not be so dangerous to recovering people or those around them. Also they do not know how to handle new found power and responsibility which as addicts and alchoholics they might have never had before. The system then takes these vulnerable people in a shelter enviroment like this and locks into thier prior institutionalization from prison. That is why so many people are of this profile who are in shelters and seem to engage in the harassment. THEY ARE BEING MIND CONTROLLED BY A SYSTEM THAT IS USING THEM AT A TIME IN THIER LIVES WHEN THEY HAVE NOT REALLY FOUND OUT WHO THEY ARE OR REGAINED A FIRM SENSE OF SELF.This was explained to me by a calm stand up sort of man who helped me over the last few days and went through a structured program in prison and said that it makes all the difference in the world. He was controlled, sensible, responsible and helpful. He explained why things are the way they are often in these places when jail and early recovery is often involved.

In other words, there are some people left who are stand up cons who actually do the right thing.

-On my first night at the mission maybe Mon or Tues last week I had asked Mary and another woman cleaning the bathroom if I could help. She said no. Later she came to me and told me I was going to do another womans chore who had not shown up yet. She was aggressive and said chores were not being done right, and that she was going to watch us all do them. She turned to me and said "Your gonna scrub" very nasty and domineering. Then she told me I had to leave my back pack on my bed and as I have experienced thefts to be the norm in shelters I told her I would leave the pack on the floor next to me. She demanded that not be so and said I was GOING to leave it on my bed. Then she was to have me use straight bleach on the area I was to clean with no other cleaning products. This was an issue for me as I have been exposed to mold over a long period and had mycotoxicosis and damage occured due to the exposure..kind of like a chemical burn you might experience in the workplace. I now have 'chemical sensitivity' and one of the problems with shelters is that people spray deoderants and such in the dorms and I cant breathe well upon inhalation of chemicals.

So I said I had no problem with bleach but it must be more watered down and some soap used as well. She was very aggressive and got in my face demanding that I was GOING to use bleach and I was GOING to clean. I then asked about gloves for cleaning. She said " I buy my own" after so many upsets in a row I went right up to the front desk where she followed me. I asked for gloves at least. It was told to me by other residents earlier that she was staff so all along I thought I had to put up with the abuse for a place to sleep...as in most shelters abusive staff have the upper hand. However I had never encountered this much abuse from a staff member anywhere.

Stan gave me gloves, the hospital kind that were thin and blue. I asked Stan about how I was being treated and he said to "do it your own way" as far as cleaning.

Mary then made a scene at the desk saying that she was from Missouri and that was the show me state and I had to show her I could clean. She then told me in front of everyone that I was going to scour like with a toothbrush. I then stated that my grandparents met in the USMC and that I was the last person you had to show how to clean...maam.

Stan said "Yer from Missouri?" and she then said " well, I aint from Missouri..but thats the show me state".

She then followed me back into the hall and then told me that I did not have to do the chore becuz the other woman had come in for the night.

I was upset and expressed it to the other women in the dorm. They were stated "that's our Mary".

Later that night I went to the door to talk to Sabrina and heard Mary telling Sabrina to give me the hallway tomorrow, that " she aint gonna use bleach or nuthin'" and then complaining that I wanted to clean with my back pack on. Then she said I talked about suing the establishment and she said "who's she gonna sue?".

The following morning I went to Diago's office for my intitial visit to a social worker where you just say what your plans are while being there etc.
We were talking and he stated I was homeless by choice. He also made my activism with the homeless issue sound like I was touring shelters in order to do research. I told him I was utilizing my bad situation to try to make some good out of it.
He told me about the Opportunity Center as if he was going to ship me there instead of stay at the Mission.
I told him I was coming from there and that it was outrageous due to the fact they had three sverely mentally ill and distruptive women there who were taking sleep and sanity away from other clients and not handled. He agreed. He was also honest about how outrageous it really was.
I then told him that I had a hard time talking to him due to what had happened with Mary.
I said I was basically attacked by this woman and harassed. He said that that wasnt the way it was and that he was sorry my feelings were hurt as if I was just complaining..I found out he was acutually behind the desk as this went on that night but I had not recognized him as I was new.
He then said if I was there to complain about the services that I can go elswhere. I then told him that I had a hard time talking to him due to what had happened with Mary.
I said I was basically attacked by this woman and harassed. He said that that wasnt the way it was and that he was sorry my feelings were hurt as if I was just complaining..I found out he was acutually behind the desk as this went on that night but I had not recognized him as I was new.
He then said if I was there to complain about the services that I can go elswhere. He also asked if it was indeed that bad why did Stan the desk person in charge not intervene. I stated that he did by saying I should clean as I see fit and Mary disregarded this. I also mentioned how I overheard her plotting to set me up the following evening.

I then further explained that she was staff and I had never been abused like that by staff at any shelter outright. He then backed off and told me she was not staff, became sympathetic and realized that I was being manipulated. He then told me he would take care of it and not to let someone misrepresenting themselves get under my skin and to my emotions. He said she was just a as homeless as I was and had no right to do what she did.

He did say I should not document what she did becuz that would be showing vendetta. As an person who is partly of Italian heritage I informed him that a vendetta was something that was very specific and did not apply to a stranger like her. It was a poor choice of words.

Then he said he would take care of it and that he was in fact here and saw what happened. He then had me sign some papers one of which had a part "D" which was me signing away my rights to hold the Mission responsible for just about any liability. This is interesting due to Mary's statement I overheard " who ya gonna sue"..she seemed to know that was not going to be an option for me. BUT I was harassed before I signed away my rights that morning however.

Everything seemed better from there and I continued to get up daily and go to the library to work on apartments as a possibility as well as researching a possible travel plan next month to another location. I helped out if I was not too tired and sweeped the kitchen after meals, asked Sabrina the Dorm Mother if I could help out at all. I even asked staff if we could have a spray bottle for the Mexican pine sol they use for the floors that is also supposed to be use to clean dirt, due to the fact that only bleach water is used and I wanted to get things clean of dirt when I did my chore in whatever area I was assigned to. The bleach they use is a bit heavy and not so much is needed to disinfect an area. It is used on surfaces undiluted and I found I had a bit of the eyes burning at night but it was better than the OC which uses heavy bleach twice daily with hardly any ventilation which was one of the reasons I had to leave that program in unison with the disruptive clients.

During this time I experienced Mary as instigator and head bully in regard to a number of clients. She would often talk about people mercelessley and often while handing out the cleaning supplies for chores that she enjoys so much control over. She said "that fruitcake whatever her name is" was going to do the bathroom, I caught her saying "that one is paraniod" about me and a number of other insults very mean and inappropriate for ANYONE in a position of any authority. She seemed consistantly abusive towards anyone she did not like or would not accept her abuse. I also want to know what prompts her to percieve me as paraniod. This is most likely to cover for any claims of abuse I make. I believe she thinks she has a vulnerable person on her hands she can toy with as she pleases due to perhaps outside info letting her know that that is a desired perception of me due to my activism on human experimentation, especially being connnected to the radiation experiments and the harassment I recieve which could be a product of my research and works produced on the subject.

I got up and went out but not always by 7:45 AM as I am not to go out to look for work as long as I pay them some money from a check next month. Diago kind of told me I should just leave next month when I get my money anyway. I went out every day for my 45 min walk to the library and to do my work on the computer.

I was also told that the rules were mostly for the men and that the women could stay in if not job search.
About 3 women consistently stay in bed all day. One is an older 'black' woman who was a bit off and seemed to be treated harshly and picked on my all the other women. From my experience in shelters this woman is not a major problem. One woman sleeps during the day becuz she works at night. Some women hang around all day and that includes the women who perform staff-like responsibilities such as Dorm Mother.

I enjoyed my short stint of peace as I walked through El Paso daily and also got work done at the local library.

A few women left and a few came in. The new women seemed nice and one was a racy open minded younger girl who enjoyed conversation with me. Also I enjoyed the presence of my bunk mate and a woman who left recently seemed to have a mind of her own outiside the bullying.

I did my journals daily and in order to aviod disturbing others I would either go into the bathroom if a shower was not used or go into the laundry room, two places the women seem to go to gain some privacy.

Today a problem arose. Yesterday I misplaced my pajamas and it was late so no one was awake or knew where they had gone to. I simply went into bed in my underwear and left my pants on the bed. I got up for a moment at about 3 am in order to move a fan in front of my bed. Then in the morning I hear Mary's voice announcing over the PA system that you cant wear just panties in the female dorm area. She then comes over to the dorm, is aggressive with me and tells me its documented in her notes. She also tells me that I dont know who I am messing with.(probably due to the fact I said something about the way I was treated upon arrival to my social worker). I then tell her she is not staff and that she shouldnt have announced such things publically, she said she only did so as to "make sure you heard it". She also said that two women said I was walking down the hallway in my underwear and she stated that they have young boys down the hall...which is why I would not have done such a thing to begin with and that is a fabrication. I do not get up to use the restroom usually at night and did not do so last night. This was sheer intimidation, humiliationa and terrorizing. I asked her to show such an action on the video tape of the camera that is in the hallway for proof as it would have recorded me doing so.(!)

As she terrorized me further I went out to the desk where she went behind the desk to her seat, told everyone including the men that I was walkin around the dorm in my underwear. I said she shouldnt have announced it and someone from the men's side tried to cover for her by saying "she said that for the mens side only" or someone named Bill said " I didnt hear that". He told me to talk to Juanita about it later. Mary then showed a notebook to Sabrina that had information written in it, and after she read it she said very dramatically " I have to talk to Juanita about you". This caused fear in me and as a result I was shaken up as I was the night that Mary originally terrorized me before. It was all done in front of other clients, the sharing of confidential information.

I went to Diago, told him what happened. I said I found my pajamas in the bathroom to the side. He asked if I thought someone did it and I replied that it was in my opinion just someone tidying up properly but the result was this major drama. He then said that I should now start documenting everything Mary does from this point on. He also said that he was not just going to vouch for me but simply that he saw what occured that night with Mary being abusive. This made me feel a bit more secure. I also informed him that the dorm was empty when usually there were women sleeping all day or hanging around. He got it. Also the announcements were very different today, all by the book. Stating that men AND WOMEN on job search or extension had to vacate the property by 7:45 am. I went out to sign up to see Juanita at 8 am but Mary and the other women said it was too late to sign up and used this to terrorize me further. A man spoke up and said that Bill told me to speak to Juanita and this was good enough. The women seemed disappointed.

I went into the dorm and warned the new girl that it was unusually vacant and that she better leave for the day as it seemed like a set up to write anyone up who was not out by 8am. She got it and went out. Diago told me to wait until I was called.

Later a social worker named Darlene came back into the dorm with Sabrina the Dorm Mother and started talking to me aggressively and pointing a finger that I cant be in here in my underwear. It was hard to get a word in becuz I was being treated like a major offender. I told her the way it was handled and that it shouldnt have come to her being in here talking to me in this tone anyway. She ended up having to tell Sabrina that SHE was supposed to handle any problems with the clients as she was the dorm mother and also that Mary should not have announced it over the speaker and also that she should not have discussed it publically.
It was then said that "this is over" and that Juanita was not coming in today so she would handle it.

I was so upset by the repeated terrorizing and me being blamed when I was the victim, as well as Sabrina saying things like " Mary doesnt do anything wrong" that I became upset, started to cry and for me to break down like that compared to what I have lived through it pretty unusual. I had been abused end of story. For all of Diago trying to tell me not to let things upset me, I cannot live in a an enviroment where I never know when I am going to be bullied or set up as such.
This is not jail and I refuse to start to learn to live that way. The way I live is bad enough.

I took my things and left. If it was not for the help of a man who stays there who I saw in the library I would be without a place to stay. I do not want to reveal his name as he may be harassed for assisting me.

The other women in the dorm expressed fear of Mary and said she also harassed them and mistreated them. The other resident who helped me here today explained the jail and recovery mentality of the place. He said what happened wasnt right.

This is the problem with faith based programs ...often its a front and the people act far from Christian. Also, the fact you cannot go through a sensible and just greivance process is a tip off and also leaves a victim without recourse. They are a private non profit.

I want to thank the few residents at the Mission who were helpful to me. To the couple that are young and married I hope you get all you need and want out of life and more, you are sweet and genuinely nice.
I want to thank the cooperation of Mayor Cooks office as well as Senator Shapleigh's office for their help in directing me to other resources as well as who oversees non profits in El Paso.

I am sure that the Mission is not meant to be run this way. As you can plainly see illustrated the good people in social services who try to help within a corrupt system only get exhausted over time or learn not to stick thier necks out too far. Dont blame them, blame the system that allows homeless shelters to exist under flimsy headings like non profit or faith based ( where was you Jesus when I was being harassed? His face is up on the walls in the form of paper hand outs from a Xerox machine.

We need a system that depends on the judgements of real people as well as FEDERAL STANDARDS for shelters. There are too many over board mentally ill, too much jail mentality, too much corrupt staff or residents taking over the place like a gang. The public and good intentioned faith organizations give and give and wonder why there is still a problem. I know people who sleep in the street becuz they dont want to stay at 'the jails'. Housing everyone is not the answer: drug addicts relapse and end up back in the shelters and some people couldnt handle living alone or do not feel safe. Social workers cannot give thier best if that is what they have to give, and the ones who assist corruption are not weeded out. Staff in more insane places like Pine St Boston or Woods Mullen (Intake/Long Island) are stressed out by a job that demands they constantly deal with far too many demographics of people often not knowing friend from foe at any given moment, thus they turn mean to deal with understaffing and an unsure hostile work enviroment.
I see nothing but manipulating and disregard for the homeless across this country, though I have seen some good shelters.

The problem is not with the homeless but the middle men between the Public and the Homeless population. Ignorance, manipulation and hiding conditions from the public cause a myth of never enough when in fact it is often the old game of Incompetence hides Corruption.

I also recall talking to another woman at the OC who say that she was harassed as well at the Mission so this is not just an isolated incident. However I do believe its more severe than I recall hearing before.
The Mission was going to be a good place for me to recomend before this. Its large enough with alot of things that give good example of how a shelter should be run for people. It has large showers that work, its cleaned daily, it has a clothing silo, it has an excellent up beat kitchen staff and the bunk beds are sturdy and offer a real rest. Also the option to stay in if you can is welcome to the weary and road tired nomad, especially one that has been through alot. However, its the dynamics of people in there that ruin a potentially great system. Sadly enough.

3 comments:

downcastmysoul said...

I have had contact with "people" like "Mary" all my life. These hypocrites are really full of self loathing and throw their "weight around" to share their misery. I wonder how many women this horrible woman has driven off. She probably works for the perps, too. No one will piss me off more than a "participant" in a program pretending to be "staff".

The Rescue Mission here is supposed to be the worst place to stay. I've heard horror stories about all the shelters from actual homeless women and also in an article about a sick woman who was forced to live in a shelter and was bullied and bullied.

I was bullied a bit when I was homeless but was in a much better placement so it never got out of hand. I was in a "program" so I was out all day and also tended to isolate when I was at home there to avoid run ins with other residents.

More and more I hate people. If I could I would run into the wilderness and never come out.

JF said...

Hi Rachel! I'm a ti in Houston. How do you like Texas? Travelling from Boston?! Keep safe.....Joe F

AJH said...

My empathy for your travails in dealing with abusive personalities. That amount of unreasonableness is outrageous, getting on the announcing system about what you were wearing wasn't following the rules. I hope you can get better digs soon, though it seems that each new place is set up to be a major abusive hassle at first at least. Which is when the perp like to strike, before a routine is established.
Regards,
AJH