These people are the biggest cowards and idiots and remember that. Survivors of truama based mind control always get harassed and destroyed. I have heard that alot of the MK Ultra survivors have been reduced to the minds of children. This is about what it has always been about. Anyone who thinks its about thier social group, revenge, reform, teaching someone a lesson, personal gain..its all BS.
If I wasnt destroyed this way I would have been destroyed through suicide programming anyway.
There is no reason to live in a world where people smile at someone being destroyed. The public is obviously very delusional and fucked up. MK Ultra is not amusing nor is any other reason I or any other TI is harassed. I believe there are many people who becuz they are ignorant, are convinced I may be making this up or trying to get out of being reformed through a behavior modification type program. Obviously they are under cult type mind control or they are jsut sick sick sick.
What is happening to me, what is being done to me and what I have suffered is not being taken seriously. Alot 0f people seem to be into the idea that its cute or funny or that I am somehow cute or funny becuz according to thier logic or the dis info campaign I am simply trying to scam the system or avoid responsibilities.
I am an adult not a fucking child and I am suffering through severe torture and abuse in order to bring to light (and this is my only self defense and revenge) corruption.
Why people would smile at me or act like what is happening is nothing tells me that they are brainwashed or being fed false information. It happens all to often.
All I want is to tell what I know and end my life. I am not going to , as a 38 year old, be told how to behave after being set up and destroyed.
If I act like a child its becuz that is an alter in all tbmc survivors and if I am reduced to the level of a child its becuz the system wont let me be for a minute to regain my footing.
I will not be controlled or brainwashed into believing that this is right. I did nothing wrong and dont deserve what is happening to me.
I will not argue with a bunch of low lifes in shelters or misguieded Christinas or cops or whoever. Also the ones that arent convinced this is some mind game from me are harassing me in full knowledge that its criminal activity.
I encounter people constantly that think its funny that I am nervous and easily spooked. WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
So MK ULTRA is funny?? My mother being a radiation experimentee is fucking funny???? How so???
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You mentioned suicide a couple times in the last few blogs. I don't know how you're feeling because your attacks are much more severe than mine. But I know there are people who care about you and people reading your blog who want to know that you are surviving. There are real people out there who are concerned about you, please don't forget that.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if there is anything I can do to help. I feel anxious and yet I know there was a time in the past when I was considering suicide too, because I couldn't imagine a future surviving with constant voices in my head. I chose to live, but again, my situation is less severe than yours. I feel helpless watching somebody else going through the same thing. You have probably considered suicide many times during this ordeal because it seems like it's the only way to get away from it.
If it seems like 'they' are laughing at you, there are still lots of people out there who aren't laughing at all. Torturing and abusing people isn't funny. You're right, you lost a lot of time and didn't get to achieve the things you wanted to achieve. I don't think that's the end, though - there is still a lot of time left.
I hope it doesn't sound like I'm nagging you. I felt very alarmed and anxious when I read the word 'suicide' in your blog. People take you seriously. We know that it's real, at least some people know, but not everyone. I sometimes tell myself that there are real people out there, people who aren't 'in on it.' People who know that this shouldn't happen.
I can't give you any material help, just moral support. I considered suicide too a couple years ago. I just want you to know that at least there are people reading your blog who are paying attention and who care about you.
take care as best you can.
I too have gotten the same spiel from perps. They claim they are helping to 'make me better', or they are just looking out for me. Meanwhile, I get the same insults, provocations, and especially e-harassment as other targets get. Don't see what they're on about.
ReplyDeleteThey don't even bother with that crap about "helping" me...I saw the extent of their "help" as a teenager. Later on, it seemed my protocol was to get me to stop "sinning" so I did that and the shit did not stop. It's all about manipulating us. I will be me and not someone to try and please the garbage.
ReplyDeletePerps are notorious liars and very deceiving. They will jerk you around, and lead you down many false paths. For example, they will try to slip you 'advice' in many forms. In my experience, it's just more material tied to the harassment they have scripted, and somehow must be related to another theme they have planned. Also, they have shills mirroring and mocking my story on various TI sites. I see they have cyberstalkers are part of their 'package'.
ReplyDeleteAs a TI, I've found that I have to trust my own judgment, and tune a lot of the troublemakers out. I get advice slipped to me all the time, about what jobs I should apply for, and how I should approach my teaching job (which is only part time). that's yet another part of my story: I get chided for only having a part time teaching position, and why don't I get a job working out in industry, full time with benefits. That has to be part of my harassment script. In 2004, I had a full time position, and I was let go with no warning at all. Apparently, I'd fallen victim to job sabotage. Or perhaps my perps pressured my employer into letting me go. I've seen that on other jobs I've been. Bad job evaluations, being told you aren't cutting it, is part of the package deal. Again, I just trust my own judgment as to whether or not I am doing the job adequately. As a TI, I have learned to become very dependent on myself to judge my works.
My perps will inform me that they want me to get a full-time job. But I know they are liars. Every time I apply for a job, something happens. Like the one time I applied for a programmer/administrator position, and lo and behold, the interview was canceled because a chem lab experiment went awry and they had to evacuate the building. That was back in the early days of my targetting, although I'm sure it's just another example of perp sabotage. I just trust my judgment, mine and mine alone. Don't trust anyone if you are a TI, because you never know if those you are dealing with are being manipulated and handled.
I sent a comment but it was on one of the pages that got removed, so I thought I would put it on this page under my previous comment.
ReplyDeleteIn my own situation, it started when I used Prozac, and (to make a long story short) I stopped using it because of horrible side effects. Afterwards, I had days where I felt like I had used the drug again, even though I wasn't using it anymore.
So I started writing letters to this guy, saying that I thought I was being force-drugged, and that the drug was making me "feel suicidal." They used that as a reason to throw me into a mental hospital. That was in, like, 2003 I think. That's when I started getting hit with obvious, blatant attacks (instead of subtle ones) like a radio frequency attack that made me dizzy and nauseated. However, those severe attacks decreased over time.
So I take it seriously when people talk about suicide, but at the same time, I know how it is: if you talk about it, someone can toss you into a mental hospital (which was useless and irrelevant and didn't help at all - I was lucky though, they didn't force-drug me in the hospital).
So then, after that, while the 'big' attacks (like the RF dizziness) were reduced, I started hearing 'whispers' constantly, influencing my thoughts, and I started having 'puppet' experiences, where I would say things I didn't want to say, or wouldn't normally say.
(So yeah, if I ever say anything that seems like I 'know all about what you're doing,' or it 'seems relevant' to you, it's probably another puppet incident and I wasn't aware of it. They try to make it look like I'm one of the people who is actually surveilling and operating equipment and knows all about it, when in fact, I don't, and the most I can usually do is lie around the house with chronic fatigue most of the time.)
So after I started hearing the 'whispers' constantly, that was so intrusive and so damaging, I considered suicide for real as the only solution to the problem (again, that was a few years ago). Unfortunately, I 'got used to it.' That's not a good thing. But I did.
To help myself, I observed things that made it better or worse, like drugs (my herbal antidepressant, St. John's Wort, makes me 'suggestible,' and I have LOTS of puppet phenomena then).
So that's my experience with thinking of suicide. I have reasons why I chose to keep living, and again, much of the severe attacks don't happen to me anymore. But I totally agree with what you said, it's the last resort of escaping from the torture, and it's a way to say 'F*ck you' if it gets bad enough that somebody needs to do that.