Its getting harder and harder to keep focused on what is really going on here. I find that I am losing control over my perspectives daily. The system here is too powerful.
It is 12:10 am. I find that only as of now am I able to return to my true state of mind concerning the nature of what I know my situation to be. I am not sure if it is the usual stop of activity at around midnight or the fact that some posting I was going to do brought me back to reality. I know one thing. That very low level sexual stimulation along with very VERY subtle perp humiliation almost constantly in public here is working on breaking me down into accepting whatever the sysetem feeds into my head along with that formula serving to traumatize me just enough to accept suggestion of that nature.
Tonight I was becoming convinced that I indeed needed behavior modification over these many years and now it was finally paying off with me becoming normalized and I could forget all the bad things that happened and I could become 'normal'. Conveniently along those lines I would forget all the abuses that were so outrageous and the realization that often in the beginning the goal was to get me to suicide or lock me up, not make me have a better life. I can remember that right NOW as i started writing this but just a half hour ago I still could not think straight. The low level sexual stimulation is too powerful. It is subtle enough but present constantly so that it serves to confuse a person and its impossible to fight. And what I am experiencing around the area in gang stalking has no longer been overt like in the summertime, when obviously they wanted to get me to leave and go back on the road again. Now they have gotten me used to staying here- comfortable. So logically they change tactics. Now its about deprogramming me and decompartmentalizing me as fast as possible and in doing so fill my head with lies about the true motives behind this whole campaign. A daily push very hard to fix and reform me as fast as possible. Still with a constant daily flash of UMass Boston as of course the end result I assume to getting me deprogrammed as fast as possible.
None of this would be possible without damaging and traumatizing the person into forgetting and losing memory of what really happened to them over many years time.
Also its been the goal of this system no matter where I go to force me to start working on the part of my life spent in the adult entertainment industry, not with a therapist mind you, not going over feelings and actually healing- but to force me to admit guilt (where its much more complex than that) and then face that side of my life without any respect at all for my programming or the fact an alter ego was used therefore those memories are not included as part of the real ME. This is why the system seeks to break me down as fast as possible so that can be accomplished without any true healing.
The point of all this is to get the person fixed and better as quickly as possible so that they can be assimulated into society. Which also means that they will not have to disclose any sensitive information about clientele or about persons involved or connected to the industry. Just like everything else this system does its done in the interest of COVERING UP FOR THE CORRUPT SYSTEM OF CRIME within our society. And the public who are in on it will not respect a person like me having needs or being treated fairly (as they did not care when I was active in that industry) if it means risking important clients or career criminals exposure being risked. As far as they are concerned I dont matter, my dreams never mattered and reality doesnt matter. I am probably being considered lucky for just being given a chance at a new life.
It doesnt matter to them if its not real or if its based on lies. If I lose any sense of my original Self in the process. All that matters is protecting rich people and crooked cops. So in the end its still a human sacrifice but its done without blood. The true Self is murdered in the process along with real life memories. And since its covert no one will know.
This means I have to work very quickly on a few things: One is getting it out there exactly what I have experienced in Harvard Sq that is so destructive and manipulative. I keep conveniently 'forgetting' to do such a post. Im so busy being experiencing rape 'lite' by technology (I assume) til approx 12 midnight and in the meantime brainwashed effectively that I forget the real work I have to do.
I also cannot seem to make doctors appointments which is the only reason I am staying in this area. So I assume that is also a ploy to make me stay in Harv Sq area. And I notice that more and more I am coming 'home' to Harvard Sq as opposed to wanting to stay or visit in any other area of metro Boston.
The amount of people who lean into me or hang thier heads is astounding lately. And the inducement of a state of conshussness that is conducive to that being effective brainwashing is impressive. Its definately tech as no psychic could keep up the constant pace. I am slowly losing any sense of True Self I have had. And I cant make the medical appointments so I cant leave.
What gets me is how effective the gang stalking is in this area. Its always been a subtle system and style that is deadly to the target. True with me there is emotional attachment from my past so they have an edge here. I was born here in Cambridge. This is where that nurse was right at the door ready to take me from my mother when I had a fever of 106 and rising on Oct 31 1971. This is where I was in an oxygen tent I assume it was Cambridge Hospital. This is where it all happened. The worst of the memories the beginning of it all.
I assume I am challenging my very existence under thier control when I try to exist here or fight here.
I dont like the fact that they system can take away the very beginning of my life, from really messing with me in my birthplace. This one is going to be hard if I have to walk (or run) away. I can feel something familiar here, something that is mine. Its like that part of me that the got trapped and left at 335 Washington St in Brighton as I had so much activity in that apartment and did not leave peacefully, willing and ready to leave. I was run out by circumstances and had to thow away much of everything I owned in a dumpster out back. I did not psychically pack up and leave, being at peace with it, really ready to leave that location. And I can still feel that part of myself when I go back near there. I know I could have started my life there and made it work. Strangely for some reason Brighton MA is one of those locations, like NYC or Arizona where I feel totally comfortable and completely in contact with all of my talents and abilities. It was also someplace where I could work on my physical health and strength. There are very few places that I function at 100 percent and Brighton was one of them. Interestingly, AZ and NYC are guarded jealously by perps. I am gang stalked so heavily in those locations that I am only able to stay usually a day if that. I often wonder what makes those locations so powerful and positive for me- so in line with my energy being on track in those places, without interference.
I believe Brighton MA is a bit more of a metaphysical gem then is let on by its outward appearances.
So I wonder like an angry ghost.
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