Its much harder now than during Bush to be focused. Back then I could tell when I was being handled and who was a perpetual. Now it seems I float through life. And I am ignored now to the point where I feel I don't exist.
The problem is that everyone has agreed thst making me out to be schizophrenic and mentally ill is the best route to cover up what they did to me and helped this system do to me.
Basically they come after you when you are still young strong and alert and then beat you down for so long thst you simply enter a phase of existing, of dealing with years of being traumatized. They depend on this to make you manageable years later.
I still cannot believe the way that my family as well as people, so many people in the community were in on this. I now firmly believe stories like thst the CIA set up Kennedy in Chappaquitick, they drugged him and made the scene into an accident and filmed it.
I have seen this kind of thing, and they have the capacity to do it too.
My biggest obstacle is that I was so beat repeatedly with the idea that I am percieved as paranoid schizophrenic like my father had been labeled, and my mother trying to trick me years ago, my shrink turning on me in that letter. Even perps harassing me with "you said I was CIA" when I didn't, just to create a memory thst will run itself over and over repeatedly and reinforce those other memories. Basically they have reprogrammed or engineered me from the beginning of this, to NEVER make any claims against the CIA or any state actor for that matter.
And also the only reason I can write this now is becuz I am out in middle of nowhere and its after 12 midnight. I clearly sensed the change in me at 12:03 am..just moments after midnight.
The rest of the day is a mist of dream like reality mostly depression Ans recently this year, a blankness of mind and spirit. That is not living.
My posts are ridiculous and I waste huge amounts of time on diversionary bullshit. I also say a lot of things I realize in moments like this discredit me permanently.
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