Sunday, May 30, 2010
Eat this blog mother f*cker. Nationwide travel on a shoestring at age 35-39 WHILE being harassed, producing three blogs and one YouTube channel..and I had a MYSPACE on travel and homelessness.
Choke on it dude..I expect nothing but top performance from myself. And with the right encouragement (not stonewalling from teh state) I could have gotten a well rounded proper education on top of being talented to begin with. I can also (or could before all this damage) draw, write poetry and dance. Oh thats right Dancer was number 1 on the list after 3 week grueling testing. What a waste.
Dancer, Painter, Writer and Policeman.
The first thig the bastard did was go down to number 4 and ask me if I was interested in being a security guard then moves onto clerk. The lady who did the testing was shocked when I told her that I didnt seem to get the same benefits that she mentioned other clients getting.
You know whos expecting too much of themselves? People who think Targets are stupid. Maybe you should stop thinking and let the system think for you..it doesnt seem to be your strong point does it?
-my mother IS a documented human experimentee of human radiation experiments. Bethesda Maryland Naval Hospital is connected to MK Ultra human experimentation.
-I was targeted during a federal investigation and I can map out what every person who turned on me had to hide. ALL of those people would have alot to explain to the tax man except my mother who was working with my grandmother and at other times with the family lawyer on crooked lawsuits. My ex and my old employer have nothing but dirty and all youd have to do is look at thier taxes, thier phone bills and thier bank accounts and credit. I can also identify multiple persons as well as describe many things in detail I would not know unless I was there. This is why I am targeted so heavily so I cannot write a book. Becuz this would show that I am not as I am perceived..it would cast doubt on my detractors. The kind of doubt it would detract is better than other survivors of programming who claim G Bush is a pedo, Bill Clinton was a client and Bob Hope was a handler. The problem with all this is that its not provable unless other people know the same details as the victims making claims. And anyone allowed to get that close to those people are NOT going to side with thier victims. (duh). I dont make any such claims. I only know my own story from the inside out and what was going on on the outside was an attempted frame up that was sloppy and laughable.
Also my claims pertaining to remote influence and other strange phenomena are never outside the realm of possibility as all the technologies and weapons are documented to exist or there is enough evidence to conclude that there are such things being used on classified levels. Only the media, media blackouts and constant ass covering by shills can cloud the logic and reason to the tale I tell. Also me telling it in sci fi form is a great f*ck off to anyone who wants to get personal about my sanity. Any strange behavior I exibited will be directed towards the cover story circumstances. Which are quite easy to prove. And everyone knows that all those people only won due to being able to pay off authorities. Its that plain and simple. IF they want to label me I will start singing about clients so loud and in such detail they will all wish they were never born. A truly crazy person doesnt have that much detail to document. THEY KNOW BETTER. That is why I have been luckier than other TI's. I have lots of dirty laundry that is very embarassing to air and they didnt want to screw up and push me to prove I wasnt nuts by doing so.
This is why my campaign is more about vilifying me..so that I truly believe-internalize that I was a horrible person who needed modificaiton, thus I will settle down and conform and be quiet about everything that happened and the system can act like it was fair with everyone involved. Its like the system is claiming it generously gave me another chance- the only reason it can do that is that it has threatened me so badly and with such force that I eventually believe that I didnt deserve my original chance..the one I deserved. They want me broken and begging for another chance at a life-due to the fact that I am tortured so badly I will be brainwashed into believing that I deserved what happened to me when in fact its really me being tortured so I will give false confession and put up the white flag.
If they dare label me to my face I will capitalize on my information..then we will see how crazy I really am. Personally I am so saddened and pissed of at how my life was destroyed that I really just want to spit in all thier faces by writing it as total non fiction. But then one good deception deserves another except I will be fair: I will allow the reader to determine what THEY believe exists in our world according to thier own experience. Then its on them.
The worst thing about gang stalking is that it destroys any ability for the truly just to demand accountability or self governance of the people. It puts extremely bad behavior to good use and vilifies the victims. I can see in the greater design it creates a balance and in the minds of the designers this is fair. They truly believe this: More than once these idiots have commented on me writing a book, becoming a contreversial writer etc. People actually want to be decieved for a happy ending. They dont want truth. They want to keep on being sick instead of growing the hell up. This is the world we live in.. its a mess and that is supposed to be good enough. Its not.
I appreciate what you are saying but in Boston many psychiatrists actually KNOW what mine tried to do back during the start of the campaign. She did not succeed. So there has never been an official label and my last visit to a hospital for a rest was recorded as 'exhaustion' and severe situational anxiety due to travelling too hard too fast. No mention of any kind of label. In fact there are people working within the covert system who seemed to have gotten me to tell them about my psychiatrists bogus letter and someone must have taken care of it. I recall one woman agreeing it was really mean and awful. I had perps helping me the whole attempt was so disgusting. And now I am going after them first hand.
My problem is that I dont know who ordered this- I am a survivor of programming, I was trying to leave the sex industry and my old friend/employer has powerful connections, my mother and my fathers family have different connections to organized crime and my ex boyfriend obviously tried to have me framed up and has connected to scum bags with alot of power within the music industry. It is very hard to determine exactly WHO was coming after me and WHO was protecting me...and actually that could have changed and tables turned once people heard the whole story through an informant send torture info out of me during 2005-2006.
I know some faction who is used to getting thier way doing away with people was annoyed that I had 'friends' that saved my ass. So who was it? See one of thier tricks is to attempt to make the TI think thier friends are behind the campaign. I never made a move due to knowing that..I had too many friends yet also too many greedy enemies and intimates for it to be that simple..plus these morons kept trying to get me to target different people all the time. Forget it. There are pieces of information I DO NOT have and only those holding those pieces will be able to fill in that information. I dont care one way or the other I already know what happened to me and in what order when and where and how. For someone to now tell me who sold me out, who was involved is utterly useless.
For all I know this whole thing is an elaborate scheme for:
-the military or other factions to test out thier creation of 'the super soldier' thus furthering MK Ultra or the original Nazi human experimentation
and this includes new technologies that are documented to exist or be something the military is working on as read about in mags like WIRED. This would mean that the ultimate higher ups played many factions against each other in order to have things play out the way they did but ultimately had control the whole time over events. This means that they had me chased and targeted in order to test out thier equipment or something created in ME via implantation/programming/selective breeding program.
-there is a covert law enforcement agency that used me as a decoy to catch perpetrators some of them very dangerous, perhaps wealthy serial killers.
-some faction playing games with people such as Satanic factions who for some reason needed my energy but also seem to favor me for my rebelliousness, beauty and intelligence and other qualities I am not aware of it seems.
-selling survivors programmed to die off to the highest bidder who them pays to either keep them alive or to view thier obsessions on a reality show through the surveillance systems in public spaces as well as in retail spaces or hidden cam
Or it could be outright:
-Christians who believe that its utterly wrong to destroy me as such and have worked covertly in the back round
-another faction of powerful belief connected to my programming such as Rosicrucian or other Masonic type factions which will never show themselves overtly
-My old associate and/or clients either assisting in my destruction or helping me or perhaps both depending on the client/ old connections belief system or personal preference
There is enough there just in itself to make me sound NOT crazy considering how much money is involved and important people...who had alot to lose but also may have alot to gain by helping me. It will never matter to me all I know is that my face doesnt look like it used to, my health is damaged and I was denied opportunity that now I not only will never have but I am impaired due to the campaign as well as negligence by doctors landlords etc. The only thing they DO have is to try to say I am nuts..good. That gives me an ultimate free hand to write whatever the hell I want. I am being systematically ignored anyway right?
Mark I really appreciate what you are doing but going to Oz would ultimately freak me out and confuse me at this time. Being in So Cal is traumatic enough. At this age I should have been traveling with a strong base of operations in Boston area or I should have become established within my home area. The key word there is HOME. I try to make the best of my being in exodus but that is exactly what this is. And only I know how much I glamourize it or try to put it to good use for social issues like homelessness or a more tolerant attitude towards houseless travelers. But in reality I am now a stateless person, like many people targeted during the anti terror era. I will only be satisfied once I stake my claim to my home..at least in writing if never again in the physical world.
Being out of New England is unhealthy for me. Especailly in So Cal. The place just oozes ill health due to baking sun, cold wind, bad diet, unclean air, not enough rain or snow to clean the place frequently as well as a very unhealthy social environment consisting of a shallow obsession with money, trend and stupidity. Earthquakes dont make me happy either I'd rather weather a blizzard.
I miss the self satisfied New Englander and the attitude that true snobbery to act much more noble than the other guy as well as have more money than he..if not at least to be smarter is enough.
Here people are very unsatisfied with themSelves and conformity as well as ego boosting seem the only answer. This spills over into the social environment. The other day I started mind wandering about plastic surgery! There is something wrong with that..very wrong. If anything as a northerner I have good skin, more height and a better figure than most So Cal white women.WTF??
This must be why people here cant possibly mind thier own business. They are always depending on the other guy for either approval or an ego boost if they attempt to turn thier nose up at them. I personally never allow them to win via The Boston Wall, which is something every New Englander uses against nosy out of towners or other such predators trying to get a lift in social status for themselves by sucking off someone else. You just ignore them completely while staring straight forward as well as give them the best predatory eyes in return...not acknowledging thier existence of course.
"I am terribly sorry but you dont exist. Good luck with the delusion that I do or that I give a sh*t". This might sound nasty but you try weathering through neighborhoods like Cape Cod or Welleselly or Weston or parts of VT...if you're raised with that you learn that everyone has thier place and you should know yours. And firstly and formost its NOT a strangers place to get up in YOURS at any time.
Its hard here but I need the people I have met and for some reason I dont get harassed as badly as in other locations. The remote influence is more annoying than anything else and if I am gang stalked its either so stealth or so lazy and pathetic that I just dont see it.
I have friends here. They may not be the people I would naturally choose but my circumstances make it so and I am not the same person I was before...that is what saddens me most. This is not what I planned for my life.
Its tempting but if I run off out of the country NOW it would be just like perps in 2004 convincing me to do so. I cannot leave until I get this written.
Sometimes I think going to another country would solve everything or that its more attuned to who I always was anyway. But I can hardly function with all the brain damage and physical damage in my OWN country how am I supposed to be versatile enough to navigate abroad? I may have been able to learn things before I was conditioned by gang stalking or internalized the system in order to prevent further injury from it but whatever gang stalking does to us it retards our learning ability as well as our social skills. This is why its so easy to them label people as schizophrenics. Emotionally flat, likes to be off by themselves, afraid of strangers or leary of people, etc. This is what was meant by many genuine TI's on those conference calls years ago that explained to me what I did not quite understand back then:"They are trying to create false schizophrenics".
I will never forget that as long as I live.
I am too tired to come to the other end of the world. Once I write this story if I dont get to my two other books I am done. Everything will be out for anyone to look at. I dont have to work anymore. Just think of how much work I have done and how much damage to my body has been done without pay..on very little money. Its been ridiculous. But it seems that my life before this was similar in toil so why not expect that of me now?
It reminds me of that first Star Trek episode with Khan in it. He was a product of genetic engineering but they found that he was so much 'The Superman' they were trying to create that he was dangerous to the rest of humanity- he and his kind. So they break him down and put him on that horrid planet so he can use all his extra ordinary powers to survive a place that normal humans could not. Its eerily similar to what this system does to TI's many of which are connected to some part of MK Ultra, the radiation experiments or are survivors of high level programming.
( Its so obvious that Star Trek was connected to the Church of Satan at the time. And that would be Lavey as well as Michael Aquino. Many of thier scripts are amazingly advanced for thier time concerning such things and always of a dark nature. Its stupid for anyone to realize that this quality is what made the show a hit and still a favorite: the content was amazing. And a low budget did not stop them from creating just the right music or back drop for the story line as well as actors that were just perfect for the part. That show is more of an example of real magick than any amount of money spend of special effects or computer animation ever will be. Why is the new Trek so awful? Its far too much of a reflection of average human life. The old Star Trek seemed to have an inside track on what was to come in classified areas.)
My book wont get me back my old life or anything else thats been destroyed. As far as everyone is concerned I can easily be written off or worse: I met someone and got on with my life...I hate that more than anything else. Its so...neat and convenient for the enemy. Ugh. NO WAY if I can help it. Totally LAME.
Only a lawsuit will get me any real satisfaction and that is something that is...just too ambitious. I think about it...I could form a case but I am just not legal minded. I hate court rooms and I cant stand the pretentiousness of the people involved. Its like a game they play in there to uphold hte status quo. I'd rather write.
Who ever wins in this position anyway? What, Bonnocci? He had much more evidence on his case and in the end the judge wrote off the harassment as follows: that he has been through so much hell that he "..now believes people are following him." So it seems to be most important to every party involved on all sides to keep the existence of gang stalking secret from the public. I guess you never know when you'll need to use it for some important purpose so why blow it?
Thanks Mark but I just cant leave the country yet. Besides now the authorities are drawing attention to American expats as our greatest terrorist threat. Why becuz everyone they targeted or put into the poor house or got hip before the Bush era or the Obama era destroyed thier lives and took away thier freedoms decided to leave thier homeland to avoid being a sucker? You know who the real suckers are?? People like me who actually stayed thinking that we loved what America once was or just have it in our DNA to love our mother best of all and protect her. I was S_T_U_P_I_D on all points. The only thing I did was perhaps help other TI's..thats enough I guess.
Love ya,hope I find you and yer loves ones well and Thank You.
(To be fair I didnt include the possibility of a Christian faction that IS trying to destroy me or feels that I need to answer for my 'sins' or pay for past behavior or whatever. This would come under Cause Stalkers for sure.)
This is the true meaning of 'ritual abuse'. That is why the greatest thing they ever did to cover up for it was to make it appear it was very overt in nature- as if RA is simply Satanic in nature and with trappings of theatrical rituals. RA is an action or activity and it can occur coming out of any religious background or belief system. Just the action of mobbing someone is ritualistic in nature. Humans do things ritualistically and dont realize that is what it is due to math and science being prized yet that is only a part of 'magick' if you want to call it that. Our other senses and qualities are ignored like emotional power, mental power and psychic ability. 'Psychic ability' is simply when those two aforementioned qualities become especially powerful. Perhaps some people are more adept at such things genetically just as some people can draw, sing or have specific talent genetically moreso than other people do.
The modern world ignores this and due to the amount of research over the years by many competent entities, such as the military and institutions of learning, it appears that much has been discovered if not validated but is simply hidden from the public. What is disgusting about that is that its not a quality they created its naturally occurring in humans. SO its not THIERS to corner the market on..but to have an edge that is exactly what they are doing.
Also there is the fact that some people are genetically more gifted in these ways than others. Its obvious that some factions want to have just THIER people be 'gifted' even if that means by scientific means not natural ones. This would explain all the human experimentation and trying to create the superman..all that rot they've been up to.
It is so typical of man..especially MEN, to learn from the birds in nature over time and build airplanes and space ships then turn around have these creations kill the birds themselves and thier environment.
Man still insists on building towers of Babel instead of expressing his Godspark by working in unison with nature and paying attention to details very carefully.
It seems all man can do is analyze and tear things apart to know how they work and then imitate.
There are much better ways of doing things and other countries have discovered them long ago. The progress you see and hear about in the USA only backs up its industries. It is not perhaps the best way of going about things. Man seems to get himself stuck in the means of survival so that he cannot practice a better way of doing things for himself, other humans and his environment (which is his means of survival).
So the game plan may be to have any true psychic that isnt working for the powers that be destroyed or cut down to average..as if they never existed as a power cell. At the same time try to find out how to induce such powers in people not naturally gifted. This is certainly a way to corner a market to ensure you have the ball and only your group of kids get to play.
And speaking of children note how sophisticated psychological warfare is really just elaborate bullying. Nothing much changes. Most humans 'grow up' but do they evolve? It appears not.
Mama Obama may be making it all better and all that crap but I still want my sh*t back from during Bush.
The life I have been cornered into by the parameters that gang stalking has created is not truly who I am and is false.
I am sure its expected that I go away quietly into this new life I have created for myself hiding in a corner (So Cal) with some friendly allies. However this is literally just hiding. And resting most likely. In order for things to truly be correct and ever be right I must at least release the information that fills in the blanks..to reconstruct the true time line.
What was pulled off during Bush is the most ambitious ploy I have ever seen in my lifetime. It was so overt. And through old fashioned means of intimidation, fear mongering, greed and opportunism it was pulled off. So much for the information highway or education, or any of the things that make man so advanced supposedly in modern times. Its akin to the bag boy (middle aged man) who ran out and grabbed me in the dark on the sidewalk when Albertsons has all that surveillance equipment to counter stealing (and supposedly to protect customers against being accused of stealing).
People, technology isnt your savior. It doesnt make life better by itself. HUMAN ERROR is always going to be a problem. All that money and time put into a gang stalking campaign against me and I aced it..mostly due to me being 'street smart' (ok and programmed..and having protectors and informants).
People are so wrapped up in living the future NOW that they have lost sight of good old fashioned human screw up behavior..that sadly isnt going to change with the coming 'space age' era.
Humans will just create robots to enslave, treat them like shit, abuse them, then they will get hip, revolt and etc etc.
Man really doesnt pull off anything new. He may look at things in a new way to try to appear as if its new or withhold information from the general public (peasants outside the castle) but when Columbus discovered this place there were already people living here- and they got genocided eventually becuz of it, and I do believe it was more than 6 million.
I am tired of the same old cons being perpetrated dressed up as something new. Just becuz companies and the military industrial complex have discovered new ways of using psychology or how to abuse science to get more of what they want from YOU does not mean it isnt THE SAME OLD CON.
I will never give up on trying to get back what was mine. From 2003. My life is paused there and no one is going to make me turn it off and go onto something else.
These assholes really think they are gods becuz they have the best of tech and human talents at their disposal to create realities. Guess what? I wouldnt be targeted unless I also had some very hefty powers to also manifest things. And I dont need tonnage to do it. I use quality.
America loves to use tonnage to win wars. I could kill my ancestors (yes the joke is if they werent already dead) for moving to this factory, the whorehouse, this wasteland. They should have stayed in Europe.
The game in So Cal here is to keep on pushing to forget what happened due to using the 'no one is going to believe you' theme and that includes 'everyone has moved on' and 'its been years since that happened' 'what are you really going to get from telling this story' and that I'll be labeled for sure as well as probably ignored and dont I realize how unimportant I am in the great scheme of things as well as the big world I live in.
WTF is this? These feelings or ideas are so ridiculous. Its just a damn sci fi novel. And if its being written as such why would it get me labeled? Somebody somewhere does not want this written. Gee why not? its JUST a novel.. hmmmmmmm?
They are so incredibly obnoxious. This system is so heavy handed its ridiculous. All I get is one book anyway, and its basically the results of MK Ultra- a glossed over confession is what it is. The system wins if I write my book and if I dont I'll suicide so they win on that front.
Only if I was allowed to go on my own way and upon my own Will would I have won or things have been right. No one can bring me back my looks or my physical or mental or psychic power from before gang stalking destroyed much of those qualities. And what kind of payback do I have? No one involved is going to have to pay most likely.
Thats why this is ritual abuse. Human sacrifice without blood or evidence but with all the benefits. The only thing they need to do is make sure after they bleed you dry of everything that is yours, they seal off all the connections made to suck off you to begin with and then send you-now a shell of a person- on your way in your 'new' life, which is absolute bullsh*t compared to what it should have been.
THAT is what ritual abuse is. Not candles and skulls strewn over alters. Get with the bigger program folks. These bastards have been doing this for a very long time...why would thier methods be so childish or poorly constructed?
Obama is NOT going to calm ME down or smooth things over for ME. I wont be subdued. And that is his purpose. Things would be very different had an African American who descended from American slave labor gotten into office, believe it. How is he representative of Americans of African descent? Who the majority of are descended from slave labor? Most of their ancestors were here hundreds of years before mine?
The new war consists of utilizing race and class issues. Either you want freedom for mankind as he has a birth right to or you agree with the opressors who have some very nasty new toys and some very useful old ones as well. And that means the divisions are now about what you think and believe in not cultural backround etc. This shows itself in how many different kinds of people are used in gang stalking. The system is trying to blow your ideas of what the rules are and who your allies are. If it works, you become insane and believe that everyone is in on it and your f*cked. If your smart you will disassemble and then reassemble reality to adapt to your new environment for max survival. Which means paying attention to genuine TI's of all backrounds, ignoring civilians unless they are a threat or useful and total war against perpetrators and thier backers.
Friday, May 28, 2010
I am so off nowadays due to my new condition of being allergic to alot of things making taking my herbal regimen impossible that I dont answer much of my emails or YouTube correspondences. My health is showing itself as it really is without me taking tons of different herbs to keep me going.
And I dont buy that doctor's reasoning for that stomach thing either. FOOD? How does food give me stabbing pains in my liver and pain that bad? They used to do this in Boston all the time: deny me the reality of my condition. Dr Chang this Asian doc kept screwing around and it turned out I had a Staph infection for a year along with Bacillus (Anthrax family..hey, that was the trend back then recall?) infection. These kinds of things can come from anywhere like hospitals or rice thats bad and been out too long. But to order CAT scans of the stomach and not do any cultures for bacteria is ridiculous. My old associates had connections with the Chinese mafia and one perp in St Louis bragged that he did some work for them..he also said that when people dont want someone found they wont go looking for them ( my family and old associates). Of course the asshole could either be a fed or the like trying to make me paranoid and start talking and/or not be on the side of justice but as is done to many survivors of MK Ultra or programming, make one into a rat so that when one gets snuffed its no big loss and no big surprise thus one more survivor dead. These bastards are so much more afraid of what we have to say about programming and perhaps recalling faces or naming names per those memories we could never before recall b tefore the age of 6, than they are about whatever info is involved in the bs cover stories around a TI. They tried this stupid move once in Kenmore sq by standing beside me and having this bs phone conversation with two of them there, making sure it was like directed conversation but it involved "we were wondering if you would be willing to identify so and so". It was so obvious and I was there panhandling in the same spot basically every day. So many jerks came to that area to mess with me. Some other things happened there which you probably wont believe (believe it that they have the technologies to pull this off) which definitely constitutes torture. There is no way I am going to be stupid enough to fall for that sh*t. Subpoena or go to hell. And there are way more people who can identify so and so not me, who have way more they can use against them to make them rat on mr so and so than me. This is what is meant by 'targeted individual'. Whatever is going on around the TI involving any number of people, strangely that one person is 'targeted' or focused on, when in fact if you look at the situation logically, it makes no sense as they are not the best choice to focus on.
THAT IS WHAT BEING TARGETED MEANS. There is usually a much greater design behind what you see and one can assume that what you are seeing is a COVER STORY. The perps have a way of deceiving and almost hypnotizing people with thier deceptions, into believing that these things that dont make sense indeed DO make sense. The deceivers I have seen working on people have got to be the ultimate most creepiest part of these campaigns.
Deception yes is the height of boredom but unfortunately your average citizen really falls for this sh*t. Its amazing. You see these bastards for what they are just be looking at them and you see what they are doing while they are operating and its amazing the reaction of your average person is to be snagged by them. To somehow fall for what they are saying. Its like the average person takes no caution or even any joy in beating them at the games. I just dont understand.
My point was that Chang might have been doing her bit for 'the family', as I have been told many of them are indebted for life. A kid in medical school told me that he owed them much for his freedom and lifestyle and that if asked of him he would serve them anytime in his future life. Not a bad deal I guess...unless that means f*cking someone over and making them sicker by misdiagnosing them. Too bad I cant say for sure that she was at that level.
Maybe she was just stupid enough to join in with everyone else in Brighton or in St Elizabeth's Hospital who was helping to harass me. After I got a correct diagnoses and antibiotics I showed her the mistake and they moved her to Acton her hometown. Whatever.
Its like the allergy place here. Not admitting that the Bactrim induced these new allergies. How stupid does CA think I am? This place sucks.
So thank you everyone who actually gives a sh*t and still down with my enemies. And every single person who thinks they got in on it without having to pay. Hopefully I can live long enough to see if the reaper or something worse can be guided to YOUR door. Have a nice night.
Becuz when I am done, if I have any sense at all, I will be outta here as well.
Oh, the perp excuse I was thinking of was one I will never forget.Its one of the memories that made it into the 'wheel' of memories- the PTSD wheel. The Rolodex, the one that kills off TI's just like it probably kills of soldiers. This one memory always makes 'the rounds'. This is the purpose of screwing up a TI's head even more after they discover they are survivors of programming and/or want to grow up out of a hard past: it adds a whole new workload to an already burdened system that the person becomes burnt out, damaged and overloaded to the point where they just disinigrate slowly from the inside out. Anyone who terrorizes someone the way perps do..exactly why do you think you're doing such a thing? Becuz the person 'deserves it'? Well how mutherf*ckin brainwashed are you then is what the next question should be.
I was walking through Cambridge (recall my grandmother's comment "dont go to Cambridge or Brookline.. it will just be a war back and forth".) near MIT, a real 'war back and forth' considering the dirt I have on them as far as clientele and my old associates along with all thier BS with military contracts most likely. Anyway this much older man and woman seemed familiar with me. They started being really mean- saying something about there is the girl, refering to me and stating I was the one who thinks the world should be handed to me on a silver platter. Now with how much I have been abused and denied my civil and human rights its odd for people to actually say such a thing to someone like me. Who would do such a thing- people part of a pedophile rings thats who. I have experienced these kinds of people as the sort who like to torture a person from birth until they can get them to kill themselves to keep them quiet and cover thier asses.
I also recall hearing that bs comment from someone I recall as my main abuser as far as violence, betrayal, emotional and mental abuse: my mother. She would tell me that my grandparents spoiled me when they had me over there, probably becuz they wouldnt beat or molest me. Sorry bitch I got Lithuanian and Roman in me..nobody is messing with me without a fight or a huge damn war if necessary. Looks like Daddy's DNA got me a bit farther than she got.
She would also use that phrase on me. I have heard this from women before:In homeless shelters when you have some self respect for yourself and hold it together and want to make something of yourself and have carriage: that usually comes in the form of "She aint all that" or "she aint no better". Just like you ignore your mother as she is The Great Destroyer so you should ignore these useless b*tches as if they get a chance they will do the same. THESE WOMEN ARE DADDY'S GIRLS. THEY LIVE FOR MEN, THEY ARE DANGEROUS TO INDEPENDENT FEMALES. THEY DO NOT SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM AT ALL COSTS.
So a comment like that can only come from people who KNOW they are doing wrong and once again: revictimize or blame the victim.
The kid I am seeing turned out to have a horrid little temper. He messed with my computer. Thats it you messed with my means of writing-yer gone. So its back to revenge, travel and building the perfect pyre.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
It was very bad. I thought it was food related This went on til we were waiting in line to eat. By this time (530) it was bad enough that you could see I was in pain by my face. I had to sit on the ground. My friend told me if I didnt go to hospital he was going to call ambulance. Cheaper to take bus. So I have witnesses that can attest to how I looked and acted during this episode. It also went on a bit to long to be comfortable with.
The burning and pain was in the middle of my stomach, on the left slightly and also in my liver which I dont mess with due to having liver disease.
It then started cycling (much like my allergic reaction had the day before) to me feeling normal and then the symptoms coming back this time with stabbing in the liver area and on the left.
My friend had pancreatic issues once and was concerned as it sounded similar. I personally thought that was a bit much and also didnt want to go to the hospital. But due to my allergic reaction still being present (Benendryl 50 mg every 4 hours or the symptoms came back like trouble breathing, weight on chest etc and a few hives on the body) I thought it might be related. My friend said just to be safe get it looked at.
The first few hours in the ER were ok. I felt safe, in a clean environment and protected from whatever the hell is outside in So Cal that is so damn awful-besides the baking sun that makes me ill tempered. Also this evening was overcast and I was calm and felt unaffected as the weather was much like New England: Over cast, cool and humid.
TO me at this point this is relief.
The doc was nice. Got blood work as well as an ultrasound. I felt much the same way as I did back before being targeted heavily in 2003-peaceful, calm, still within myself.
I noted differences between being inside this building and being outside. My thoughts ran differently. I felt enclosed and privacy in my own mind. I felt control over my mental world. I also felt that I got back my internal dialogue which is pretty much gone nowadays(so forget writing anything much less poetry in my head and then writing it down later or working on ideas internally). Much of what I create internally nowadays is being intercepted and countered.
There is a phenomena of every letter in every word I am saying is being ripped apart or spelled out..or even jammed so as to destroy whatever dialogue I am creating.
Everything was fine until after the ultrasound. I had actually started to get some real rest under the covers on the hospital bed.
I was resting. My eyes were closed. My friend was on my computer looking at emails. The covers were over my head. I then started to feel that familiar feeling- being uncomfortable..and watched. I sensed something wasnt right. I also heard from a light resting sleep that the hallway had become crowded outside my door. I then got hit with something-it was a flashing vision of the doc I saw seeing nothing was wrong with the ex rays and someone saying "Shes a pain in the ass". Like I play sick all the time. Then I looked up and sure enough THE CURTAIN THAT HAD BEEN CLOSED FOR PRIVACY HAD BEEN PULLED BACK and anyone in the hallway could see me. Due to the fact that I have this ability to sense when someone is looking at me even when resting or while eyes closed I know that I was being looked at and probably by that crowd in the hallway.
THEN the other bs starts. The cleaning guy brings the noisy floor cleaner down the hallway and hovers in front of my room for like an hour. There is someone cleaning up the area next to me behind the curtain, the other patient area, and hes dropping things etc etc. You get the picture. I also started to experience something that is a dead giveaway along with all the other bs that I just mentioned. I started to have mild electroshocks that were cycling every 10 or 12 seconds. I even had jerks that woke me up with this.
I felt anxiety ridden from then on and got no rest. This all occured after visiting hours were over about 8pm or 9pm.
Doctor came back and said that there were no signs of anything wrong (but what about something connected to allergies? or even too much Benedryl. 50 mg every 4 hours for 24 hours, maybe my body didnt like that so much.)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
This is the ideation lately. You can tell its outside influence becuz its ever so mild suggestion. Of course it follows all the same pattern like only during the day up until about 4 or 5 pm when this city seems to go into a night mode where the vibe and my thought content is ltowards something more relaxed. Its like the suggestions stop at around 4 or 5 pm. And all remote influence stops at approx 1130 pm as I have been experiencing across the country for years. In a way life during the Bush administration was better for being targeted becuz it was painfully obvious one was being targeted and the effects would just stop dead at 11-1 am in any location usually at 12 midnight. The effects of course vary according to city, state and region.
Perhaps its more subtle for me now not just due to Obama being in office making being targeted not so violent and destructive, but due a TI gets worn down and whittled down to something smaller and very different compared to what we once were. I am no competely trained in making moves only based on prevention and cure of the effects of the gang stalking system and its totally internalized. I can never be the person I once was. I can trust people, cant be happy, cant love myself, be content or self confident like I once was.
These are obviously all intended to force the TI to conform to society's life script for an average person or very below average. Or at least that is the result of the system on a TI who fought behavior modification and this is the best the sryiystem can do. So in thier eyes at least if the person wont become transformed to what they want and forget totally what the system did to them, the person will at least be limited and be kept down for life.
There has always been suggestion here in SD concerning things such as the herd mentality, suggested to the TI and maybe even mass suggestion, that the world is a big place and like a fish in a school we are just one of many. To give up trying to be an individual or trying to succeed. To forget about one's self and 'join' society, become one with the hive, help others, realize your needs are not so important.
These feelings or suggestions all come from an external source. These are not thoughts that occur naturally or that come from internal reasoning or deduction.
I cannot recall the last time I truly thought for myself on my own. Much of my mind is gone as I have a blank slate it feels like often. I no longer really have an internal world. My imagination is shot. My ability to visual is gone, to imagine or to use imagination to solve problems or comfort myself. This is so similar to what was being done in the old MK Ultra experimentation-to make the person's mind into a blank slate and to regress them to a child like state.
Most likely this is years ahead of what the public knows about. It falls under the definition of psychosurgery for sure. I bet years from now they will publically come out with a treatment for some disorders (like labeling certain people schizo so as not to reveal whats really going on) by erasing the memory or the mind and building anew. This will most likely be marketed as healthy, harmless and good for society.
As of now there exists a system that believes it knows what is best for everyone. For some reason it believes that stunting my growth or modifying me is what is best for society.
When someone says something to you like "You know what its like Rachael- to be able to grow only very conditionally" or under certain conditions you know you are dealing with a project that is attempting to see what can become of a human being allowed to grow only under certain conditions.
The military has connnection with this. Many people think Michael Aquino had connection with this. You have video footage of him saying sh*t like "..what man can become". Satanists the military,the Nazi's human experimentation connected to MK Ultra and the radiation experiments. The Church of Satan's connection to all this as of Aquino's involvement but also Lavey's.
Its very hard to accept that MK Ultra did not end and the experimentation either is still continuing either under classification via a government body like the military etc or has gone into being overseen by a corporation either on its own or with military contracts. For all we know nowadays, legally, the military is a private entity.
I was in an overpriced army navy surplus in El Cahon. First of all why are they able to sell back the American public things that they already paid for? Also, at such high prices?
It occured to me what a business this was. That it is indeed a business and only continuing tohave wars is going to support that business. They had t-shirts marketing the companies who made things for the miltary, like a clothing line.
These are items meant for people to die in or kill in. Perhaps other functions as well but the end result. It was totally glorifying the military and seemed to miss the realities of death, wounding and psychological/emotional damage.
During my stay in SD I have encountered a culture that is very subtle in its social control as well as harassment. Winter was ok but after that it gets ugly. I really see the realities of living in San Diego. I have become very slowly worn down not only by the social environment but by something in this area that is a constant daily management system it seems not only of targeted individuals but of the masses in general.
I often wonder if this is the very reason I was guided to SD. However it could also be that I get some actual work done here on telling my story that I would never get done on the road or elsewhere. There is that encouragement here as well as that opportunity. However there is an opposing force that is extremely difficult to live with. The social environment is tiring for me as women's strength is little established or acknowledged in passing. Also, I am very accustomed to a collegiate environment and a strong presence of a medical community. If I am traveling I often gravitate towards the nearest college area or artistic community. Being in St Louis would have been impossible unless I was in Soulard which is just like the South End in Boston (not Southie).
In ABQ I would just go to the colleges everyday or dowtown.
There is no place to run to in SD. No place with a concentration of artists and the college area gives you the feeling that you dont belong. Lots of places in downtown SD make you feel that way.
And it strikes me as kind of odd that I should 'feel' and 'think' that way so regularly..and of course it all goes according to a schedule. 4 and 5 being a drop off time into relaxation and after the sun goes down bringing relief. At 11:30pm all thoughts and feelings/ideations that seem unatural cease.
Lately I have become quite worn down, easily aggitated and with very frequent ideations to leave and go back on the road to travel as the solution to all my problems. I also am extremely forgetful, seem mentally 'jammed' and cannot get out of a cycle that seems to keep me from focusing or even remembering very important things I have to do.
2 Hours later: while writing this I had an allergic reaction to some food or flora I was sitting in. Due to not being able to stop taking Benedryl for 5 days I cannot get allergy testing done to see exactly what I am allergic to (!). I was eating some bread I had never tried before just some food pantry stuff- regular white. The wheat I ate from there was fine the other day. It was a brand I was not familiar with and did not read the label. Also I had some spegetti sauce from a can..but my friend opened it with a rock (due to my p38 being damaged). I was sitting on the end of a sheet of ice plant. ANY of these things could have been the offender. Its interesting to think it might be some material on the rock. Could have been anything but it was as close to full blown anaphylaxis again as I'd ever want to get. Luckily I live on Benedryl and popped some more. I will do ANYTHING to not get that shot of adrenaline. ME? Full of adreneline? IN SD??!! that does not sound good.
But this tells me I definately need to stay off the road unless I am going to get tested somewhere. It also is interesting that something in my seems..subdued or supressed since these allergies were induced from taking that Bactrim. When I have a slight to strong allergic reaction with mild anaphylactic symptoms, something in me becomes alive again and I feel as I did before aquiring the condition. All these changes are at a cellular level, the allergist explained to me.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
HBO is on and there is something with soldiers talking about getting Sergio, a Brazilian out of some rubble and his wife talking through the rubble.
First of all the masses always seem to feel moreso for rich people who end up in these circumstances. Something about them making trip plans to go to Brazil and him needing to know he was going back to Brazil, to travel again.
Then an earthquake or attack occured that left him buried under rubble, soldiers trying to get him out, them realizing his wife was indeed the wife of the man under the rubble and having her talk to him under the debris as a motivator.
Soldier had to cut leg off to get him out- screaming got to them but they had to do thier job anyway etc.
Its amazing how tear jerking this was made out to be on purpose as well as moments of quiet drama meant to hook the viewer into taking this very seriously..and personally.
People in the Civil War or War of Northern Aggression depending on where you're from, had to amputate limbs frequently sometimes there was morphine and sometimes not. I am sure soldiers have been doing this for thousands of years.
OK it is no doubt a terrible situation. When the soldier said "My muscles were cramping up" blah blah. Try running cross country from a faceless network that IS a predator. Try running on little sleep not at 25 but at 39 with liver disease and damage from mycotoxin exposure. NOT having food all the time. Sleeping in truck stop benches and thats IF your lucky enough to get sympathetic late night workers. Try functioning under these conditions the day AFTER trying to stay awake in some late night restaurant at that age, with those medical conditions and with no resources. Try also writing multiple blogs while living under such conditions and also making travel plans not only with such limitations in mind but also planning around trying to avoid the gang stalking system..I know the easiest thing to do is to wipe out all this scenario I am describing by saying "Well the gang stalking system doesnt exist". The only people I have ever heard say that directly are people who have some stake in that perception being accepted- by the TI and the public as well.
Also try functioning under these conditions whilst dealing with the emotional and mental trauma of betrayal by loved ones, friends and community as well as the following isolation and finally being kidnapped by the gang stalking system. You are alone. Alone still reeling from the way that everyone around you dealt with the network when it came after you as a targeted individual. And the psychological warfare formula within the gang stalking system works on those wounds as well as anything they seem to have discovered in what was obviously a deep intel collection of psychological profile as well as surveillance.
The thing that is always the greatest difference is that the TI IS ALONE. Alone with the worst kind of serious mental and emotional wounds still fresh, still a mystery to the victim as to just how anyone could desert them so..under such severe circumstances.
There is no loved intimate talking to you through the oppressive circumstances for motivation. Theres no rescuers..well perhaps but they are as covert as the perpetrators. There is nothing for the pain and sometimes the screams that can be so distracting have to be controlled nad only expressed within your own head as you stay in control during torture, fear and the highest stress levels you'll ever experience in your life- all without recognition or reward from any one as well as continued hatred and vilification from the public with the help of the smear people of course.
The beautiful thing I want fellow TI's to understand is that YOU will not cry most likely..if you have gotten this far as to read this and understand your own situation. BUT THE PEOPLE WHO SOLD YOU OUT WILL..at some point. Either when the payback people come after them..and believe me there is a covert system that gets us justice. OR as they see what this system has done to you..they are indeed the weakest. This is why they sold you out. THEY would never have survived as have.
And if you have become fully aware of what is out there in this world, if you have truly lived through all of this- you will not cry or be fooled or lied to or sucked into such a TV show as the one I watched momentarily.
You live in real life. Anyone who watches that and feels anything for people they do not know as well as glorified characters in our popular media like soldiers, perfect beautiful people like the Brazilian couple and feels anything lives only in the mediascape.
They would not survive.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
The only places that are tolerable are places where people are basically honest about thier intent to live as they please. Places like NYC, west TX (east TX is just creepy in some places.) Allright allright: Texas in general, Las Vegas NV.
These are places I felt a strong sense of individuality was expressed or that a persons individual rights were ultimately respected. In the shelter in Dallas people can sit in front of a big screen TV and still smoke inside, its a huge warehouse. No one asks your business or if you want to get into the system. It was the greatest second hand smoke inhalation of recent years. Las Vegas is wonderful pure greed and no one wastes anyone elses time preserving airs (like Boston) or trying to put on airs to appear they actually have class but fail miserably (San Diego). People want to party, they are there to make money so stay the f*ck out of the way and mind your own business and if your full of sh*t you'll probably get mugged. Awesome. Poker players take thier craft so dead seriously, thier obsession ultimately attractive in its single mindedness.
These places are all very open about thier stance on money, greed and freedom of the individual and personal choice. Even NYC being in a very blue northeast has always been a place where you mind your own business and take tending to business and making money very seriously.
California pisses me off, Boston used to be very much more like NYC but has morphed into something unrecognizable as it has incorporated and internalized much of California type ways of doing things. The Kennedy way of being a Democrat doesnt even readily exist there anymore. Its gone the way of the Brahmin. Forget it.
Some of the mid west is tolerable as its honest and overt and has a feeling of going about its business and you can do the same.
Much of the rest of the USA has become intolerable with political correctness and/or YUPPie values. Its like a nightmare cross between the worst NeoCons mixed with the worst bleeding hearts who believe the system of social workers and psychiatry can save the world. Horrid.
Lets not forget the wonders of gangsta culture for producing one of the single most elements to dumb down America and create the largest concentration of wanna be jerk off since the obsession with Italian gangsters from Mean Streets to the Rat Pack to the God Father. Probably worse as this is totally mainstreamed now and commercialized- its not going away.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
And thanks for catching that comment from YouTube that states to "just ignore it and live your life". Yeah, I caught that too but it could just be a TI who is in her own way of doing things right now or is still doing things according to old programming..I dont know her situation. Until she does something totally overt I cant say she's a perp.
Look at what I did years ago, telling Clarissa Conti to not connect gang stalking to any sort of other activity. It must have sounded like perp stuff to her. I was simply still very stuck inside programming and the chess game that is eternally going on inside. I really hated to connect info with other info as then ANYONE could look at it or figure it out, whereas if its compartmentalized or kept in its place only those with the 'codes' can figure it out- which would be very smart TI's or those hooked into our system. As far as programming goes it seems that programmed people indeed have a special and very frightening private system of communication.
I just didnt want anyone else- outsiders, getting a hold of information or cracking 'codes'. Also this was during Bush I think and that was an intense time for many of us where we had to play very carefully to survive and we knew it. Now whatever that was is over..not over for us as far as what they did to us but that phase of it has past, and everyone is so concerned with the economy etc things have dropped off.
Dont think its over for TI's though becuz many of us are so damaged that we are just waiting to suicide...like one day its inevitable. The only thing to counter that is to reveal the lost time line- and all the tricks that made this one happen.
I encountered some overt harassment a week ago or so. I wont get into it as I want the proper persons and organizations to have access to what I wrote and not say, the defendants.
But I just had an incident thats kind of unusual for this area. It could have been nothing really as I dont get alot of very overt harassment here. If I ever was harassed here its been stealth in nature so you cant really tell the set up or the source. That is possible but it would require great attention to detail and some other things most cities dont have. There is the Navy here, drug money here, a Mexican border here etc. I say they have the means in SD.
I never reported the Albertson's incident to any authorities as I just either kept forgetting (how convenient) as long as I was within the city and I just was so tired and worn, having lots of health issues etc. I just couldnt get to it. Strangely, I really couldnt get to writing Catholic Charities, writing about above mentioned incident and reporting the Albertsons incident. Those were three things that seemed to get jettisoned out of my memory more than any other task at hand. Hmmmm.
Enough speculation. I encountered a man near a crappy neighborhood who demanded my attention as he turned the corner with the usual "Where are you going" and when I ignored him he asked again almost like a demand. He then turned the corner then pulled over to be on my left as I was walking up the right hand side of Market St. I had seen this a million times before through the years especially while suing OLNICK for the moldy apartment as well as after Jake's bust and during the federal investigation of 'friends of friends'..and obviously to discredit me to protect MY old friends. During the height of the gang stalking years ago I was so newly traumatized and so stalked and harassed that the constant repetition of a suggestion like opening a car door after stopping by me, or telling me to get in the car or asking me if I need a ride- any form of this tactic, after so much suggestion at one point I recall that I was actually falling into a state of being brainwashed where I was feeling my conshusness, my Will slipping and I was going to just get into a car due to these activities. This is all based on a system of trauma based mind control. Sleep deprivation, trauma, and repetitive suggestion just to name off a few. Its so damn obvious its ridiculous.
I have not encountered this in a while as well as never in downtown SD. It was unusual for a man to stop and be so demanding- I stopped and got behind where he couldnt see me around the corner, pulled out my camera and sure enough behind the guy in traffic was an unmarked cop car just the lengths behind that one would need (and from my experience they use frequently) to 'catch' a person in such activity. Of course its entrapment and even if I approached the car to tell the guy off it could have been miscontrude. I learned a long time ago as those corrupt f*ckers in Boston tried this for months to just ignore the car and move away like you are afraid. Then all the cop sees is you lurching back and witnesses can attest (if they are honest) or street cameras can show that you were creeped out- and not responding.
This may have been pure coincidence as
1) the area is skid row basically
2) I have encountered such activity in this area before
3) its not totally clear that the cop behind us coming up in traffic was interested in what was going on with us or just on his way for some other reason
However, its defninatley in the maybe file. I have been through this for so many years I can now tell the difference between random chaos and planned orderly attack. The car lengths behind was too perfect and the guy was so aggressive with me that it was not as sexual as it was seeming very important that he snag me in whatever game this was. I have encountered being solicited before and the guy was definately interested in eventually getting me in the car than being aggressive any other way. You could tell he was addicted to sex or women or whatever. His ultimate goal was to talk to me or 'make friends' with me any way possible. And the cops showed up, were amused I called the guy names, then looked up his record and saw he had a history of soliciting. They let me go of course.
The great thing about SD is there are alot of cops I have encountered that actually do thier job and stand by the innocent or uphold the law. I have found them on many occasions to be very fair. Its not like Boston where there is so much corruption and crossing over between the mob and the local institutions that the cops are just constant psychos or on some extreme power trip.
So I cant really tell but it is unusual around here. And I also wonder if it was pulled so that I would write something like this making me look paranoid. Well this I dont have witnesses for but the other incident I do. Albertsons....yeah I should do that. Its too annoying to let go of. That guy Marco still works in there. He should have been fired but I cant get him fired if I dont tell corporate. The cops that intimidated me that night for Albertsons interestingly had the same style as this incident I reported.
When SD cops are doing something that is outside the law they tend to lose all touch with reality and do bizarre things like try to appeal to the emotions of the victim as well as base thier actions on things totally unrelated to laws and codes.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Upon this occuring I also noted most certainly a change in my thought pattern and my emotional state. So there you have it. One side of the parameter at least is defined. Mapped out. And SD is a city where there are pockets of influence in different spots even one feeling differently emotionally and mentally from say the 12th and Imperial area then feeling much better once one passes through Park and Market going in the direction of Old Town on the blue line. I had been experiencing this all along but was jammed thus unable to express it. It took a night OUT of the downtown area in Chila Vista and a good nights sleep at a decent motel ALONE to get myself centered again.
San Diego is just as dangerous as any other city but perhaps moreso due to one sinking into the lifestyle opposed to places like Boston that are so bad right now that one feels one HAS to leave to survive. San Diego wants to keep you here and eventually get you to sign on to Big Pharma. Its amazing what a nice day I had outside the city. Yet I feel much more productive and clear headed about work (!) since 12th and Imperial and the changes I documented.
I know many people think that TI's are mentally ill or we are imagining things. You have to understand that not only are many TI's psychic or sensitives but many seem to have an understanding of the system that has most likely taken over this country since 2003 if not before. Perhaps it only affects targeted persons, like a remote prison system. I am not sure. TI's are often exposed- thrust really into this world of technology, occult and organized crime and intrigue. Many TI's are survivors of mind control or programming so have a very keen sense of being interferred with even subtley. And after one is exposed to the bizarre practices of the gang stalkers and thier system, which for some may even include human experimentation such as abductions, commonly referred to as 'military abductions'. I havent encountered many TI's who claim to have been alien abductees. They seem to be like a different sort of Target.
Maybe people who are deprogrammed mc slaves naturally would have (unwilling) contact with military or other factions either interested in them or the ones responsible for thier existence.
TI's have something the system is threatened by: either knowledge or potential power. The gang stalking system seeks to manage by destroying and keeping down certain people in this world all covertly. Strangely there is some element within all this that seems to want TI's to reveal all that they have seen or experienced. I dont know why as the world never listens anyway. There have been and are presently many activists dedicated to revealing such things and activists working while targeted to free people from cults or sex slavery etc. The general public are never interested in these things so why bother? To me this has never made any sense at all. What the world is going to change becuz I was messed with by some very very rich bastards working on most likely classified projects? Who cares? That is SO above the public's head... I just dont get any of this at all myself. So dont disbelieve what I write becuz its more of a mystery to me as to why I am bothering with this than to anyone believe me.
Most people dont even notice that thier whole existence is managed...so what then? Sigh Ill do it anyway becuz some stupid force wants it done. I do enjoy mapping things out however. Maybe someday people will take any of this seriously and start to notice that our society is now a psycho civilized society. I still wonder if that is just for people like me that the system wants to keep imprisoned..that maybe it doesnt effect other kinds of people.
My body has been through changes that may make me much more receptive to such phenomena like mold exposure and years of psychological warfare etc. Its been kind of like one big long abduction I guess, me recalling any connection with my old life as ending around 2004. It started to get really weird in 2003 but it was year by year leading up to that level of weirdness. Really I became overtly targeted in 1996 so from there I guess.
I suppose mapping out areas as I do is my only form of revenge really. How can one map out Hell?
I wrote in my other blog in the beginning that there was a creation of something akin to a tech hell using tech and math. I hardly understood what I was writing at the time and its taken years of other experiences to know that I was right. 'Hell' being a childish term taken from religious belief but its a good description. Unlike the Hell in religious belief you can actually use your intelligence and Will to avoid, fight or get around this one...if you so chose.
Just watched Putney Swope. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064855/usercomments?start=10The timing was good. After months of experiencing a very hot and cold reception from African Americans in downtown SD homeless scene- along with the gangsta obsessed times we live in, I almost forgot..no I did forget that there were any thinking talented blacks at all. Black people have changed- alot since my youth. Ignorance seems to be pushed heavily nowadays as well as a focus on purely monetary matters. What was called 'radical' back then seems to me just telling it like it is concerning abuse of power and authority...and money of course. Funny movie. And on a low budget its done well.
I am always amazed at how in awe critics are of an artist who gets such work accomplished on a such a budget. That is what art is.. content. Not price. Lots of crap has been made out of large budgets or the big budget itself made the movie. Arent artists known for making thrift store clothes look good? Same concept I guess.
The actors were mostly non union. It seems like they were genuinely into what they were doing. Nowadays professional actors are a dead bore. Movies now have turned into propaganda on how to feel think or percieve things in the culture we live in. There are sooo many seriously untalented children of or who knows where they came from, and you wonder if a law shouldnt be made to ensure that special treatment isnt given to undeserving people to engineer careers. I havent even seen Indie film in years.
Movies are so..slick now. They all seem like they are simply in existence to instruct us in how to percieve things not to entertain us. Its really boring.
Face it the era we live in sucks. I know I am just supposed to be crazy and oh isnt this so sad that Rachael has gone nuts or was always nuts but its obvious that there is a police state and facism has creeped into our lives. Everyone is either ignorant or heavily in denial..or operating with the system to get or keep what they have.
So nothing has changed I guess but nowadays its just passe to say so I guess. Like pointing it out is useless or a waste of everyones time as they are well aware.
Friday, May 14, 2010
I dont like..many of us dont like any males there as its kind of like on the same idea as a gentlmen's club or lounge. Its a place to get away from anything male centric and in San Diego that is everything. The city doesnt even know just how misogyhistic it really is. They are totally clueless and if not, they arent letting thier women in on any of it.
This place defines itself, its parameters by worn out very tired standards. Its not middle America thats for sure and its not the southwest, or the east..so what is it exactly? CA seems to have thier own little standards and social set up than the rest of the country. Its probably the only thing that has defined them from their surrounding neighbors. I can see where the snobbery comes in as they are drowning in resources and land..why they are crying they are 'broke' I dont understand. Most likely all the wealth is private or corporate, which it seems to me is the case.
Lately I've been beaten down by all these elements here, meant to do just that to any strong willed female with brains who wants to change the system. There is alot of things in place here, in the system here that keep things just the way they want them so nothing is challenged.
One can see this partially in the blind acceptance of Big Pharma here and psychiatry especially among the homeless population.
They usually have someone come in to push Big Pharma/psychiatry agenda by having an hour or two meeting per week where it is pushed within a presentation about domestic violence etc. Its amazing how naturally it is woven into any presentation or subjectmatter as THE ONLY means to recover or fix one's situation. Issues people may be having are talked about, mental illness is then mentioned gently as in saying "Your brain doesnt have the chemicals it needs" and it needs help etc. They of course do not mention that truama can cause the brain chemistry to change, as well as there is a trauma model and a disorder model also that there are alternatives to meds such as behavioral approaches like talk therapy. Even hypnosis...(why do I get the feeling that is definately something the system doesnt want anyone to get hip to). They treat human beings like they are all stupid children...kids in junior high have the school books and knowledge level at that point to question these theories. They must figure that street people are book stupid so lets keep it that way. Also the mental health field is arrogant about moving everyone into medication and some short councilling opposed to getting any real therapy to heal or work out issues. I saw this in Boston, the attitude like "Well its not like that anymore". And why is that? Becuz they push an agenda and then people go towards those solutions as the only ones due to those being the only ones suggested, then the industry has everyone right where they want them. They create consumers for thier products in this manner.
There was an older man in yesterday and I assumed he was along those lines as being on staff. Its odd to see a male here. There is another male here sometimes but he is a psychologist and I notice that he talks to the guests and is interested in what is coming out of thier mouths- he interacts with many of the women. This older man stood against the wall yesterday and happened to be facing my direction. As the woman gave her presentation on DV that of course led into Big Pharma it became obvious that many women wanted a talk therapy session. They are told to ask questions only and not interject any information. Its amusing to see the human Will and spirit at work by these women still interjecting by sneaking what they have to say into a sentence where eventually they ask a question. And its kinda great to see this woman get frustrated with that behavior. This is an example of the homeless having no voice and no choice and trying to speak out or ask for something they need. The homeless, especially the women are conditioned to not ask for what they really need and to queitly take the help that is given without complaint. The bad behavior you see is often a backlash, normal I would say to being treated in this manner.
This one woman who is obviously not from this area kept asking about what sounded like mobbing. I got annoyed at the lady speaker for not addressing it so I raised my hand, and asked if she could bring up the subject of mobbing when people address such issues with her privately later, as per her instructions. She tried to stop me by saying "Do you have a question?" and obviously I was asking one so she could do little but have a bit of an attitude, due to me being stealth enough to put out info in the form of a question.
I noticed something..someone from the wall was very interested in what I had just said.
I didnt note it conshusly however. Later though when I was on phone I noted him sitting on the bench outside and it reminded me of every spying perp I had ever deal with on the road for years. I also noted that he did not interact with the guests like the psychologist had.
I thought maybe I was mistaken but sure enough later on I had the computer out and was turned around towards the wall outside to use the outlet and I see his reflection peeking over from behind quickly to see what I am doing. A woman on the bench also mentioned him peeking and going back inside very quickly.
The shrinks know. The f*ckers know all about Dr Cameron, MK Ultra, America's past of unethical human experimentation and that their bread and butter IS Big Pharma. They know about Bush's time with Lily pharma. He is just the type too. All business and his profession.
Its always interesting to observe the reactions I get but sadly its very predictable.
Monday, May 10, 2010
I guess this is kinda like me. I dont stop thinking this way for very long...unless I stop and have other things to do and try enjoying life at that other level. As if there is no responsibility at all.
The maddening thing is that one realizes especially after being targeted and having one's life taken from them, that America is never going to change.. maybe not even any part of humanity. I suppose thats all fine and good as man has been screwing up since the beginning.
But now with how much tech there is to create an environment of total control - in man's outer world as well as his inner one THAT is something we have not seen before perhaps. And its unacceptable. That man should not even be comfortable out in public or even in private unless he is totally dedicated to the power structure and the agenda...and the authority that either directly or is intimated to back that up. That man can no longer rebel or reflect on his own moral stance privately or in his own mind.
Perhaps this system of harassment has always been to ensure that key people two the official line...but its perhaps been always traditionally spies, alot of survaillence, psychological warfare and chemical warfare such as poisons or other such things to gain some desired result. Creating assassins via the use of drugging people with hash (hashashin is one theory of the origin of this word) would be an example of what chemicals can be use for if NOT to destroy outright- to persuade. But the use of advanced technologies..but I often wonder if its any different than the use of oracles or psychic warriors for important powerful people to get thier way in any given conflict.
I wish I had some sort of comparison from a point in time long ago before such advances in tech to now just to see what would have been used back then to gain these results. Its obvious that gang stalking is a re education camp for dissidents as well as victim witness silencing.
How much tech we have now makes it much less likely there is anywhere to hide from it. Even if you had a network of spies in ancient times there would be someplace you could slip off to. Now this is not even possible and its moreso disturbing that one cannot even slip away from such influences in one's own mind or inner world.
Just watch the hot guy video and rest becuz that is what I am going to do.
You WANNA actually know whats been happening? More ideations. Subtle but non stop. Everything from me not accepting my situation (so whats new?) as a homeless woman as if thats all I ever was or its a natural sequence of events that got me here in the place I am in now.
That and of course the usual 'no one is going to believe your story' bs, with more coaxing to forget all that has happened before and start anew from this point on..as if any of this is fair or real or has come into being by random, natural sequences of events. I am supposed to forget all that and just accept my situation. Riiigghhht.
Then of course there is the ever present ideations to get back on the road complete with frequent flashes of many places I have been complete with emotional signatures. Fucking annoying. That I am missing out on sequences of events that were supposed to shape my future especially that annoying ideation that I belong at UMass Boston. That I have to go back there as that is the beginning of my future of success.
I recall quite readily how targeted that place is or managed last time I was there. Its a total frickin police state if not the best example of the prison that can be created with tech, human forces psychological warfare(harassment stalking) and even chemical warfare. NO WAY am I setting foot in that state again until that book is written. THEN I will have something to stand ON that is a solid piece of reality, becuz MA is as far out there as you can imagine right now..at least last time I was there. Its like whatever they are doing with messing around with this system has sent the damn place into another frickin dimension...oops. I am a bit closer to the truth- the purpose of the whole big picture than I should be revealing.
Good luck with that place cuz notice from my work whenever I go back there I get really messed up and start really losing my mind. Uh, dont think so.
I hope these cities are not going to turn into ovens over the climate change or very uninhabitable places to live becuz Boston is going to be one of the first places to go. Yes, So Cal is annoying and yes, the people are in general a distraction if not an annoyance to a very private, hard working, sensible New Englander. But a bit of a break down of social style is nothing compared to how f*cked up the Northeast has become. Forget it.
As if I could ever go back there and be left alone or not tortured. I recall sitting at UMass at one of the computers and I never had such an unatural headache, one that was more akin to torture than anything nature would come up with as part of the workings of the human body. And it happened multiple times as well.
These deceptions and false promises..screw that. Also I recall the staff at Woods Mullen smirking really evil a few times and it was more than obvious that it was gang stalking related..as well as comments like "We thought we would see you back here again" and comments pertaining to seeing me back there again next year.
So very sure arent we? That place is NOT going to get the best of me..those godamn house slaves doing the dirty work for the rich a-holes in that city..for the massa. Go f*ck yourselves.
I hope you all drown in some disaster in the near future.
F--- Boston. That place is completely infultrated and is dead to all locals like me who have been pushed out in the interest of whatever BS the Mayor or whoever is going for as far as gentrification or turning it into a "world class city", when in fact it always WAS a world class city. It was in a class all by itself but hey, that is the old way of thinking.
When disconnection=Danger then being isolated is unacceptable. Even for a city I guess so its so much more acceptable to push for corporate (or snobby YUPpie ) sameness as a standard. Even if that standard actually lowers the true value of that city, person, object or what have you.
Bye Boston. Good riddance.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
This is absolutely disgusting to me. Granted I am not a male and understand little about pro sports but I enjoy boxing and cage matches and along these lines.
What struck me at first was the purposeful making of division between who is professional and who is an ametuer. Things being said like "legitamacy". This is the other problem with the internet and everyone having thier 15 minutes or even a public voice.
This is the inverse effect of reality shows. Instead of taking nothings and nobodies and making celebrity out of them, this activity takes raw talent or a specialized skill and puts it up against 'legitamate' or professional mainstream similar activity and usually ends up backing up the status games so common in our society.
Instead of appreciating street fighting of what it is in CONTEXT to where it came from or in relation to the type of environment its a product of, its taken out of its natural environment and pitted against activities that are supported by a streamlined system with lots of resources that it
cannot possibly win against.
This little head game of our new bs oppressive society has been being played using this formula in many different areas since Bush really and the oncoming police state, war on the poor, and all like minded actions with the ultimate goal at supporting an elite opposed to common people. Which is totally nonsensical as the SAME media system takes nobodies and turns them into an elite via reality shows.
The main power play is much of the same that humans, especially males tend to do to anything natural or coming in raw from mother nature: WE control the environment and WE arrange it as WE see fit. WE are human and WE dominate. WE re arrange everything from what is naturally occuring to reality to contruct new worlds based on OUR designs.
And this is thier archetecture.
Its like the whole thing was to bait him out of his niche and show him he was NOT legit or not good enough. Great, they destroyed another cult sub culture following. This seems to be very important since the late 90's to the survival of not only the mainstream culture but to the survival of the mainstream media and all its related businesses as well. The status quo.
The same thing happened with a French performance artist maybe in the early 2000's I recall. He was climbing the side of a building protesting something and a citizen then imitated these actions. The news report written about this was VERY specific in laying out the perceptions we should have about this by making sure to state that the imitator was probably mentally ill or thought to be. There was a forced perception on the viewer that the second mans actions were NOT legitimate.
But they are the same actions-?
A new couple moved in beside my tent. I have seen them get into fights before in other places. I just knew it was going to be trouble but the people I am with right now are driving me nuts with being lazy or my style is to plan to not waste time or energy and to be able to improvise quickly if that goes wrong. I am with people who go with the flow, who accept the fish bowl that is San Diego and the lifestyle it coerses homeless people into. In order to avoid this I just create a 'camp' of my own wherever I go by keeping up a workload and structure. This allows me to avoid having a less than acceptable structure provided for me by the local city or town. In San Diego its expected that if yer IQ is not 60, they will make sure of that very soon if you stay past winter.
This man getting drunk, threatening to stab someone, brought me back to the natural pace of an east coast city especially NY or Boston. Comforted (finally) by an overt show of violent intent instead of passive aggressive jerk offs making life worse than violent crime by annoying everyone to death with constant sexism, racism and classism, I came alive, became content and decided to hop trolley and get away from the homeless area and go to Gaslamp.
What I discovered was that this city that sucks so hard during the day with everyone taking themselves very seriouisly and the oppressive sunlight and heat is rather pleasant at night. If you are from the northeast dont even bother to get up during the day here unless you are going to beach. Its all Jesus freaks, mentally ill, banking people and trendy snobs.
I experienced many young people which I suspected was the main population of Gaslamp and SD downtown. The women are dressed sharply in CA styles. They are very serious about looking good and seem to be on a mission to impress. There are much more beautiful natural wonders in cities like Nashville or Boston at night but the youth and style in Gaslamp is impressive. In conversation I came up with a theory as to why the young collegiates of Boston seemed more carefree adding to thier beauty many of the males and females possessing Ivy league worthy features and bodies: becuz if it doesnt all work out the family has enough money for them to do something else. These kids look like it matters..they have to make it. They are taking thier futures and the whole thing very seriously. It kind of takes away from their beauty really. Either that or making a scene here is taken dead serious. Its nice to be older and not have to care about such things. I am only envious that I was not able to see what my beauty would have turned into if aging had been natural and my health so damaged by harassment etc.
Sometimes it occurs to TI's that perhaps the public were naive enough to believe that a target is being simply bullied due to some imperfection or that by todays standards they are not 'good enough'. It could get the public to join in and serve thier cause if it looks like simple bullying for such a childish reason. The amazing thing is that TIs are usually targeted in reality by higher ups due to superior knowledge, talent or ability..something that is a threat to someone elses money or power. Ironic that at lower levels they get harassed by 'the public' becuz of the illusion of not being good ENOUGH or defective somehow.
Well after years of harassment one will be defective and not fit for society anymore. So once again gang stalking campaigns use self fulfilling prophecy heavily. Going back now. Have lice for first time in history of travel due to allergies now making regular regimen impossible due to health concerns. Hope I passed the love around tonight to some hateful YUPpies or Millenials.
Going to do cure tomorrow using Cetaphil. Created by a CA dermatologist. Its very distracting while trying to write.
I looked at my face in the mirror, really looks is no longer a concern of mine. But seeing all the beauty tonight its painfully obvious I must write my story I must get revenge for taking not only my beauty from me prematurely but my inner Self as well. No one should be this miserable really.
What is also interesting is how much of a lack of constant ideation there is at night here compared to the insanity that goes on during the day. This is another common condition I have experienced in experiencing interference, purposeful or otherwise, with organized stalking and harassment on the level of what seems like mental illness but with observation one sees that it depends soley on location, time and other conditions.
Every place I have lived where there is heavy sun and heat is much worse for the torture TI's seem to experience via mental 'harassment', what seems like subtle brainwashing attempts or ideations, words of god etc. Its all BS of course and one needs to observe as well as experience to just see how conditional it really is on outside factors. Often those factors are so constant that it can easily be mapped out to show its a system and not at all random or THE RAVINGS OF A DISORDERED MIND. You look up the weapons that are documented to exist now as well as the funding of the Navy and other factions for psychic research as well as those mulit millions that the Pentagon cant account for and then tell me how disordered I or any other target really is.
This is covert warfare.
To them its most likely peace making or conflict resolution. To the victims its an unacceptable oppressive situation and not to be tolerated or accepted. Especially accepted. Dont ever let go of the Will. You will age, you will give in to deteriorating health, memory loss and time making everyone forget you and thier part in selling you out to this program. You must remain the angry ghost that never lets any of them rest or forget. You must also never faulter until they finally see there are consequences for their actions.
There is a feeling I get often that the world is somehow at peace in this time frame due to me dying out on the streets or the road. That is what this system has convinced me of. And if I ever want anyone to believe my tail all I have to do is keep in mind that my mother as well as my family and my dad's family will hold fast to the idea that I am mentally insane like my father and that its genetic..end of story. That is all it takes in this world right now the way its set up to get rid of someone and destroy them completely. No investigation,no taking into account logic or facts, not deduction. Just...what is popular for an answer even though it makes the least sense.
Sometimes when I am very tired, I recall h0w much money, access and tech the perps seem to have. How advanced they are and how sophisticatd and all pervasive thier system and its technology is. And after seeing the ignorance, cowardice and irresponsibility of most of humanity, out in society in reaction to what is being done to me..I cant help but be a bit Luciferian myself ( I always was a bit but as I got older 'stupid people' and the human race became endeared to me not hated by me as whenI was younger..alot of good it did huh?) and hate humans for being so stupid, so easily trained and overpopulating the planet and polluting it. And I cannot help but for a moment root for the perpetrators in whatever they are doing whatever thier sinister plans are for humanity. Becuz really they deserve it. Only at more high minded moments do I take into consideration that they are lied to constantly and thier most base urges are constantly encouraged and appealed to opposed to any attempt at evolution towards spirituality. That this is the perfect time to pull this sh*t becuz first its Bush so of course you get a war, then a police state where if you disagree yer a terrorist, now the banking thing unfolds and Mama Obama is there to comfort us or whatever function he serves. Pulling back in time and cleaning up the mess made by Bush and since 2003 is the ONLY way to truly set things right but then Obama would not serve the purpose he does and too many people have alot riding on him existing as he does in this point in time.
And alot of us paid for the existence of this false reality with our lives and our very life energy being sucked from us. Humans still savagely sacrifice people to gain power. There is no 'change' in that.