I got hit veruy badly trying to write my story

I am in tears I cant do this anymore..I get tortured everyday forced to 'tell' and write my story and reveal all this information and then when I try to write it if I write whatever is the wrong thing I get slammed with the worst headache that feels..I mean I am in pain everyday but I can 'handle' it( you programmed peopole know what i mean. We can 'take' pain--not that we should have to, past present for future) so it would take alot to put me into pain where I was in tears.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE WANT FROM ME??? YOU INSULT AND TORTURE ME SO I WILL TELL WHAT I KNOW (OBVIOUSLY) AND THEN WHEN I DO I SUFFER WORSE THAN ANY PERP TORTURE. THIS IS FUCKIN RIDICULOUS, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE A THERAPIST LIKE OTHER SURVIVORS TALK ABOUT.

WHATEVER THIS NEW SYSTEM IS, AND I HAVE DETERM....

You know who I am gonna tell on? The Fuckers who are making me go thru this. You are fuking dead for what you just put me thru.
I am gonna fuckin get you RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS WHAT IS GOING ON. THEY ARE DEPROGRAMMING OLD MIND CONTROL SLAVES BY FORCED DEPROGAMMING VIA ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION THAT RESEMBLES THE OLD 'KIDNAP EM, TORTURE EM, RAPE EM' DEPROGRAMMING IN THE OLD DAYS FOR MEMBERS OF CULTS THAT WAS DEEMED ABUSIVE BY PROFESSIONALS AND AUTHORITIES ALIKE SO THEY STOPPED IT.
THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF GANG STALKING AND HARASSMENT AND STALKING AND TARGETING AND CONSTANT 'INTERRIGATION' AND SHAMING AND HUMILIATION AND WHAT FEELS LIKE FALSE SEXUAL STIMULATION. ITS MOBILE NOW, THEY DONT HAVE TO KIDNAP YOU TO A PHYSICAL LOCATION, THAT IS WHY TARGETS FEEL ISOLATED BY PERPS.

THEY ARE SO SELFISH THAT THEY CANNOT ALLOW PEOPLE TO DEROGRAM NATURALLY AND RE PROGRAM THEMSELVES, WHICH I KNEW WAS THE NATURAL HEALTHY THING TO DO, AND MARK PHILLIPS HAS MENTIONED IT IN A VIDEO FROM WAY BEFORE I EVEN STARTED WATCHING ANY VIDEOS ON THE SUBJECT SO AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED I AM RIGHT IN WHAT I WAS DOING.

HOWEVER I HAVE ALSO SEEN ANOTHER VIDEO WITH MARK IN IT WHERE HE SEEMS TO ALLUDE TO THE FACT THAT NO THERAPIST HAS THE TIME IT WOULD TAKE TO HELP A DEPROGRAMMING PERSON. I DO NOT HAVE TIME OR DO I CARE TO GET INTO CATHY OR MARK OR IF THEY ARE STILL UNDER PROGRAMMING. ALL I KNOW IS ALOT OF WHAT THEY SAY HAS MATCHED MY OWN EXPERIENCE AND RESEARCH AND I AM GREATFUL FOR ANY OTHER SURVIVORS WHO SHOW THEMSELVES WITH HELPFUL INFO...HOWEVER THERE IS A POINT WHERE IS SEEMS THAT I DO NOT TRUST WHAT IS GOING ON THERE BECUZ THERE IS THIS WORKING WITH MENTAL HEALTH PEOPLE AND WORKING WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT...THEY HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT SCREW WITH ME, PERHAPS THOSE ARE NOT THE GOOD ONES WHO WANT TO HELP.
IT ALSO SEEMS THAT THERE IS THAT STATEMENT THAT NO THERAPIST HAS TIME TO HELP DEPROGRAMMING PEOPLE. I HAVE DONE MOST OF WHAT HE HAD MENTIONED FROM THERE ON MY OWN INTUITIVELY. BUT I HOPE THERE IS NOT SOME LITTLE SNEAKY BS GOING ON WHERE SLAVES ARE QUIETLY GOING TO BE DEPROGRAMMED THRU REMOTE INFLUENCE TECHNOLOGY AND ORGANIZED HARASSMENT AND STALKING BECUZ THERE IS NOTHING QUIET OR STEALTH ABOUT IT. I MADE IT PRETTY OBVIOUS JUST NOW CRYING AT THE COMPUTER IN A LIBRARY...

I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS ANYMORE. PEOPLE SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE TO DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY NOT BE DESTROYED LIKE THIS. THESE JERKS ARE SO GREEDY AND CONTROLLING THAT THEY WILL TRY TO CREATE A MINDLESS ZOMBIE INSTEAD OF LET SOMEONE BECOME A WHOLE PERSON.

IF YOU DO THIS I WILL TAKE EVERY THING I HAVE LEFT IN ME AND I WILL DESTROY EVERONE I CAN BEFORE I FINALLY LOSE IT. I WILL NOT BE FUCKED WITH THIS WAY I HAVE TAKEN ENOUGH CRAP.
I AM SICK OF THIS ATTITUDE THAT I AM TRAPPED AND THERE IS NOWHERE TO RUN OR HIDE AND I BETTER GET USED TO MY SITUATION. YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR THAT FUCKIN SHOCK LIKE HEADACHE...WHY DO YOU THINK PROGRAMMED PEOPLE DONT WANT TO BE DEPROGRAMMED LIKE THIS OR AT ALL IN THIS WAY?

WE KNOW DAMN WELL THAT THE CONSEQUENCES OF GIVING YOU THE INFO YOU WANT IS WAY MORE PAINFUL THAN ANYTHING YOU IDIOTS CAN DO TO US.

Thats it isnt it..you want us to suffer thru this tug of war where the victim cannot complete either and then you get someone who loses thier minds or you get someone who cant take it anymore and throws themselves out a window or some shit. Go fuck youselves. I will make sure a shit load of people go out that window with me in more ways than you know.

This post will be conveniently ignored or it will be the good old ' the poor thing is so crazy'...i have had enuf of those fucking threats as well. I am done playing with you mother fuckers. Nobody torutres me into being a docile idiot in shelters, then when I finally do what you want I get tortured worse.
Yer fuckin dead. Anyone I can destroy is fucked, and screw my own life as well. No one does this to me no one.

You royal ass holes--- my family, my associates YOU helped this be, YOU pulled me down into this. I was no more crazy than any other life time victim of truama and when I asked for help you all turned on me...and everyone systematically ignores me and helps you jerks get your way.

YOU WILL ALL PAY AND ALL I NEED TO POSESS IS NOT A BOMB OR FIRE OR VIOLENCE ALL I NEED I WHAT I HAVE THE TRUTH.
You are going down, suck me you self rightous mother fuckers. You wanna destroy me?? Bring it on. Bring on every fucked flat foot to come into libraries at Emerson and make drama that I am some threat....no more playing around. The public needs to know the reasons that those FUCKS in blue are so afraid of me..

WHen I was little on of the rotten things my mother did to me was I have this memory that begins in this room with this black man named Rudy, he was a bailiff in the Boston court system and he is from Roxbury. He like little children in unhealthy ways...I had a high fever and I was sick but still I had to sit there with Rudy all alone at night like on a date, while this black fuck sat there insulting me the way perps degrade me today, as he said things like "you women your never satisfied" and acted like a total sexist asshole towards a helpless sick little girl, WHICH IS WHAT PEDOPHILES DO, TREAT LITTLE GIRLS LIKE GROWN WOMEN. The memory goes black after that. The next day he bought me a gold necklace 14 k cheap shit and drove me to my foster home in Wayland...which made me feel shame and embarassement which I could recall into adult hood. Then, Rudy shows up a day or two later with flowers and shit and like this relationship. My mother finally listens to the alarm bells that she is to conditioned to ignore from her own abuse ( I hope Ana Willems burns in hell..her little Catholic hell) and tells him its getting to weird..she panicked in fact. Do you know what its like to see your mother panic like that? Also Rudy gave me this ridiculous self aggrandising peice of shit letter that totally gets into ME way too much and then talks about how girls shouldnt become whores...welll fuck head you might try not treating them as such when they are like 6 then they may not get conditioned.

ANd I am not done yet...that was mild but it shows you what every survivor is shown along the way somewhere. All kinds of people are involved, so dont tell, dont try to have a life and be what we trained you to be...the attitude is that you come from a fucked up family anyway, and your whole family is like that so you should know your place.

As an adult I had to watch a little girl get 'trained' to respond to men in this same way..to have certain ideas conditioned into her as to how to react to males. SHe was (of course) the pretty girl of a welfare mother and my sick ex's sponsor was watching her for the mother. He kept torturing me becuz her foot was bleeding, he kept it that way ( remember you must be able to take pain and ignore your own needs) when I got a hold of her again, she switched to acting like a little girl. A normal little girl. Then he came back and it was 6 year old whore time again.

You wanna ruin my life???Fuck you I am done. And all these sexist fucks who think they know my family dont fuckin know me...I aint my stupid mothers family. Do I look blonde to you...think again shits. My horrid uncle may have hung with ginnies but he aint one of em.

It was so easy to just sacrifice me and leave me for dead wasnt it.

You can all go fuck yourselves.

And the next officer fuck face Dibbles that you send to fuck with me we are going to have story time that includes some more up to date stories..perhaps we'll start with the prominent men of Brookline who like to wear womens dresses and thier lipstick and have you call them Bitch. Next time you do your banking or buy insurance for your business, imagine the fat old Jew your buying from wearing a bra and panties too small for him as he talks numbers with you.

I AM FULL OF STORIES AND THEY GET MORE AMUSING. KEEP ON FUCKING WITH ME ALL THE TIME.