Bombarded By Negativity While Writing Last Two Posts

(As I finish these two posts I am bombarded with impressions of the fact i am no longer good looking or young so i shud not waste my time writing, that no one listens to me anyway, that I no one pays attention to the ravings of a poor schizophrenic, that I'm being written off as mad, that there are people here and if I do go abraod that do not believe in me, what i am writing or the way i live-who will interfere at any cost, block me, make sure i can't stay in any country too long and ultimately believe I should focus on working and getting a job or building a life as opposed to doing what I am doing, even completing my book.

To that my reaction is, that in 2004 I went to therapy in earnest as I was deprogramming and asked for help. I wanted to become a counciler utilizing my life experience in adult entertainment to help others and perhaps do personal art projects on the side for self satisfaction. I had taken three weeks of vocational testing at Mass Rehab and wanted to attend UMass. All I got from therapists were harassment, questions about people related to the federal investigation [totally illegal and unethical and I WILL get Boston for that. They REALLY didn't want to expose their precious Julia to being testified against by giving me a subpoena did they?] or intimidation so I wouldn't go to a hypnotist and recover memories.

Everyone chose to f*ck with me, dehumanize and devalue me instead of help me.

So, in kind, everyone involved can go totally royally f*ck themselves as far as I am concerned. The United States owes me and my family for radiation experiments, abusing their own military personnel and MK Ultra.

Feel fortunate this is all I am able to do.

Fuck the elite and their house slaves and every single compliant asshole in between. I'll do as I see fit.)