The most damaging thing about this situarion is the insistence of the public whi do know whats going on to explain away my situation with thier own explainations.
I dont understand why Guintanamo Bay torture victims or any other torture victims for that matter are sympathized with but I am not sympathized with. Its as if a large portion of the US hates me and validates whats been done.
The only thing I can think of is that people think I am making it up or they believe the allegations that I am simply a delusional paranoid.
Yet, people like Benny, an intern at a womens drop in for the homeless in Cambridge, MA seem to fully acknowledge what has happened. "Severe trauma will do that to ya". People like this know. I have seen professionals act like beasts with no regard for me as a human being whatsoever. Wr are talking about psychiatrists, nurses, people who work as staff in hospitals. So many people have been in on this and seen, even taken part in absolute abuse and cruelty that is totally illegal.
It made me realize that the people who hide behind appearinf upstanding and normal, good citizens, can easily be part of these abuse groups. They are more dangerous and viscous than overtly f*cked up people could ever be. Before the system comes after a Target in an overt manner, it seems that these are the same people who act neglegently with the Target, passively gang stalking them by not doing their jobs,dropping the ball but on purpose- never being honest and clear with the Target or Survivor, always denying them information or decent services. I know this is the case becuz towards the end when I was getting hip to being a Survivor of programming from a typical pedo family, I had people point out that my life was not normal. Jake my ex woke me up to the fact that an unusually high percentage of people are habitually rude to me on a daily basis. "I cant believe people treat you that way when you're out in public". He made me conshus of my mother being evil, not a good mother. "She just looks evil. Her skin is pulled to her face and she looks like a skeleton" (Wedding pictures from the end of her cocaine days). Her face did look like death, her being my mother- the old 'love is blind' attage applied. I used his family as a gauge. People actually had families that did not abuse one another, living under an environment of fear and control. His mother, though posessive and wanting to blame others for her creating a spolied, co dependent monster, was a kind woman and a caring mother. She really tried to befriend me, I just didnt trust anyone.
He pointed out "your family has basically written you off". I never saw that. I just thought they treated me badly becuz they were ignorant, selfish and unable to overcome their own issues. Which is correct but my status in the family never occured to me. He also pointed out my being able to hold conversations in my sleep and even more frighteningly, carry on conversations while asleep but with my eyes open. These things he did for me, out of genuine care for me, let me know my suspicions were correct about my in all probability being a victim of programming. And then, they came after him and he got busted, then they grabbed him newly sober and used him to destroy me.
None of that surprises me. What is shocking and so infuriating is when people who dont know me are aware of what is going on and have absolutely no disregard whatsoever for me. No respect, no human sympathy. What compells people to partake in such obvious human and civil rights abuses as if such laws did not exist? These people think nothing of enforcing a false status on me with such ill treatment, defined by what is obviously illegal, unethical and immoral- yet these same people seem to care about the Homeless or feel normal human outrage or disgust over something like Gitmo and other normalization of torture.
I simply do NOT understand what drives such attitides and actions among the public who do know what is going on.
Lou Gheppeti would drop little bombs by saying things like "Your family's cruelty towards you is infamous".
If that is so then why ddnt anyone tell ME about it before now? Why did only two decent therapists even try to tackle this reality and that was in the late 80s. After getting clean therapists would stone wall me, bullshit me and basically avoid doing thier jobs. In the end it was Gheppetti again who informed me by telling me that those professionals were NOT doing their jobs.
I can understand people of another class trying to write this off as poverty based ( so they dont have to deal with their own sh*t in actuality) writing me off as this is what happens to poor families or at least sick families too poor to hide how sick they are, but workers in homeless industry?
At Pine St early on an advocate there actually helped throw me to the dogs or let this system destroy me by saying "You're a smart woman, youll figure this out". These people worked with the crooked authorities and covert factions and simply sent me on my way (off to my potential death basically) by giving me this bullshit send off, that becuz I was smart I could ace this or figure it out. PI John Panderos, who from my understanding had some hand in setting me up, said to me "You're strong, you can take it".
I cannot believe that so many homeless programs are in sync with organized crime. That people who work with these populations woukd be so cold as to side with gross abuses of human rights and even war crimes.
Perhaps they have convinced themselves of the cover stories, but I always thought the public would be that stupid and easy to fall into being cruel to people. These just dont seem like the types to behave this way.
So what we have here is a society that is for the most part false. Steeped in corruption and darkness as the norm, yet what makes me most want to vomit is their hiding behind Judeo-Christian religious culture as well as the appearances of being good responsible citizens.
Its all lies. These people have PROVEN themselves to be simply a typical mob of human animals. They only live as they do to hide, not to truly live. They are liars only living as they do for social acceptability.
I would rather deal with overtly evil, criminal people who do not waste my time with deceptions.
I never realized there were so many people in society who are simply hiding. Who are just as sick as my grandfather was or as in traumatized denial like his wife lived out her life. And when something like this occurs, they collectively know what is going on and wont TELL THE VICTIM?? What the hell is that?
Its as if they really dont know any better, yet they lay back on their laurels, of being legitimatimized in society by education, property ownership, job, or family /other group membership.
I simply cannot believe that my mother and that culture from the 60s was correct all along: never trust the straights, always watch people and you never know who you are really dealing with until you live with them...and even then.
Recovery culture and alot of gang stalking after I got clean in 1995 is what is partially to blame for my losing my claws and my street smarts. I was brainwashed into the idea of becoming an upstanding, productive citizen and that all that dirty criminal thinking was a part of the drug culture exclusively, that it didnt apply to regular society.
Of course my situation was specifically difficult and controlled by gs which I did not realize back then. Moving in with my family was a mistake but i would have been harassed and mind gamed out of a half way house anyway, looking back, gs is one of the reasons i kept falling back into drug use. I couldnt understand why 'normal life' never seemed to work and people seemed to make it difficult. In reality, the system of handling mind control victims only backed off when I returned to the adult entertainment industry and got back on drugs, making me controllable.
What is mind blowing is how many people who are out in society that will continue to help keep a person like me down even though its obvious I am way beyond that behavior and am growing and healing. People who should know better.
This is why Survivors are ignored. The people I have experienced mistreating me in ways that cannot be imagined or misconstrued by me, will come out of a closed room where I was mistreated and deal with the next member of the public as if nothing is wrong, as if no evil exists in the world, as if they are not capable of such behavior or they would never do such a thing. As if they are decent, upstanding, responsible professionals.
This is why many people dont believe our stories as well as the constant misinformation campaigns surrounding this subject matter.
Just once I would like to understand what motivates these people. People who appear responsible, normal, decent citizens with no apparent vices or vulnerabilities that would force them to go along with this system.
I want to understand. Why do theu hide? Why not just be overt about being evil? This means then that deception IS necessary and employed by these people in order to function as they do in what seems to be a huge network nationwide. The cruelty and unprofessional behavior they are capable of is not normal.
1 day ago