J wake up in moments like this and realize that everyday i am less and less capable of putting a book together.
The remote jnfluence from 6am to 12 midnight now consists of almost nonstop faked interfaces between myself and others whom I know either dont exist or are people who have no contact with me whatsoever in reality.
Also there is a near constant program of doubt keep down surrounding my book and my story. That I will never be able to complete it, that I will never be believed, why bother, its too late, no one is listening, its such a big world I dont matter, my last chance was destroyed and I should just live with what I have left now, etc.
I think about contacting a lawyer just for consulatation and so much anxiety surrounds that, it always goes through this mental obstacle course that consists of questions and concerns such as what if the lawyer is a set up or working in the interest of the perps just as many experiences during the Bush/federal investigaton years taught me: many lawyers are only working in the interest of this system or to get themselves out of some sort of trouble.
I recall this creep, a friend of John Zeewiz of Sleep Chamber, he lived in Quincy the nice apartmwnts on the bay and liked to go to Costa Rica alot. Years later I would note that he was friendly with some creepier people connected to escort services and they had some questionable tastes. In my early twenties he brought me to this lawyer friend of his becuz I was hit by a car (due to the way I was treated I now realize it was all handled as me being a TI. I was hit harder by this cab than the dominatrix I was walking with but the African or Haitian ignoran...i mean immigrant driving the Town Taxi claimed she was hit and I wasnt so they all squeezed me out.) His lawyer friend adressed my concerns about being squeezed out of the settlement by saying "You're a paranoid".
These ars always people who have some connection to the local sex industry as well as show signs of being into kiddie prostitution as well.
The question is, how far does that go? Do these same jerks actually KNOW about programming and mind control slavery? Or are they simply concerned with not being found out for hiding kiddie rings under escort services or loosely connected to them, in cities like the Boston area where no one wants to know or believe that kind of shit goes on anyway.
The cops know who these people are. Must be alot of pervs, especially all.those f
First Responders who are involved in gang stalking.
Also that the lawyer wont be p