Please be advised that this written work is theory. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no actual belief in these theories as fact . If so I would've taken legal action by now. Until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.
My prior disclaimer stated that I'm often sleep deprived when posting due to my lifestyle as a houseless Traveler (and my age as well as health issues). This should be taken into consideration when viewing my posts and vids on the connected YouTube channel. I am a writer who lives a challenging alternative lifestyle and it is MY RIGHT to do so. I claim my RIGHT TO EXIST legally under US Constitution and international law.

This is an educational blog for awareness as well as sometimes a telling of candid personal experiences to demonstrate theories as they might be experienced by a person who theoretically is existing under such conditions.
Being a reasonable person of sound mind if I had concerns for my safety or others I would take responsible action for self care as my established medical history can demonstrate.
Any other kinds of actions taken against me by others will be construed as intimidation and whistle blower retaliation and proper legal action will be taken against you by my family and support system.

Be warned no further interference with my production of meaningful work as an artist and activist will not be tolerated.

ALERT! New Series Of Posts Dealing With Urgent Issues

Please read these posts in a series created spread awareness of urgent issues to anyone perhaps looking for alternative theories for information.
Random violence, lone wolves, people 'snapping':
HEV aka 'blue light' over exposure from new LED street lights world wide; problems and solutions: (special dangers for Urban Campers)
Potential for abuse of genetic data bases and info gathering utilized for genetic warfare:

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Time to leave the USA/Ireland going downhill/survivors are alone/primitive females are displaced in modern times as 'feminist'

Sadly I would say its time to leave the USA. The country is gone. Whatever happened during Bush is not going to go away. What my generation saw as a hopeful future will never be due to that era. Its been crushed.

I have seen enough over the past 4 years to understand that being a bohemian that avoids major cities and sleeps outside is the only way to survive in the USA being poor, white and having high intelligence or being creative. We are naturally reverting to a lifestyle out in the woods like in Europe to avoid enslavement. That is my final conclusion about what is going on in the USA right now.

The major cities now belong to cultures or races who held onto thier strong ethnic identity. Anyone who does not identify strongly with a group for survival such as a religion or a race is then identifying with a class for survival such as YUPPies or other well to do classes. I dont think young urban professionals have alot of money just yet but they probably live on credit or some other system to stay at that level to be in thier group.

For the rest of us its over. There is no place but the road or living like a traveling kid-sleeping outside and hitching or train hopping around the country.

Crime as well as terrorism has create a culture that fully accepts counter moves like intimidation or zero tolerance as well as constant surveillance in public spaces as well as transit and certain private spaces. A nice side effect of this is that anyone who is trying to escape enslavement will fall into one of the demographics that will get harassed due to the counter moves. You cant sleep outside anymore, or pitch a tent without getting tickets or being harassed by police. Shelters are set up to control people not to help people meet thier goals or grow. They are part of a system that now penalizes people for being poor or houseless.
Even though a leftist attitude and PC is supposed to be part of the USA now its really been used to make anyone who does not want to accept what a prison America has become look like they belong to a demographic that deserves to be punished, hindered or controlled. The perception that every homeless person is of the demographics
-mental illness
-just lazy
Those are the major ones. Others may be:
-prison release
-domestic violence
Even though whistle blowers are traditionally targeted and without resources many will end up in shelters or sleeping in thier cars, mainstream society is not aware of this or refuses to believe it, or they ignorantly go alnog with the idea that its something that occurs but its done without disclosure or validation abd ths is 'just the way the world works' type attitude.

The country is totally out of control with fascist rule by authority and no one sees it. Most people think it went out with Bush. Anyone not wanting to live or see things the way that 'experts' and authority wants it seen is considered very suspect and a threat.

Years ago if one wanted to drop out of mainstream culture there were alternative cultures. It seems that the system has made that impossible. To me that is fascist and dictatorial.
The idea that if you question things like psychiatry targeting the poor and telling people they have multiple disorders when they are just people, if you question that now then you must be either mentally ill and running from the psych 'police' or you must be some sort of trouble maker..or terrorist of course.

For poor people like myself there is just no place to go in the USA that is tolerable. EVERY city is the same now. You MUST have money to survive now and this is why targeting a person works so well. They wont have money and they will appear unstable to ignorant outsiders. I wouldnt be this poor if I hadnt been targeted. The very idea that no one questions that is outrageous to me.

I am in IOWA and already feeling pissed off and reacting to northern culture. The only northern culture I have ever been able to tolerate is NYC or places like northern California. Wyoming, places like Cheyenne are wonderful. Its as if any culture that offered lots of resources and freedoms like major cities have been taken over by certain elements so that lack of freedom is ensured. Wyoming might be beautiful and the people civil and healthy but it doesnt have the same things that Boston had or NY.

Its over. I mean literally. There is a social control system set up that uses class, race and psychiatry to control the common man who is smart enough to see what is going on and question it. And its not just the USA. Look at Ireland. See what is happening there its the same now. I may be proud of my great grandmothers DNA but she wouldnt tolerate crap and the fact she left for more opportunity shows that. Its a shame that I have to leave the country she came to in order to seek a better life.
The church ensured destroying any pagan power left in the Irish and there is something in them that is at once resistant to oppression but also weak to being occupied by the oppressor. I am not talking about Northern Ireland I am talking about Christianity. The Irish still retain much of the cultures character and some pagan spirituality cannot be destroyed becuz its within. But I have seen the Irish as very brainwashed by Catholicism. Such as the blue collar union type that day in Kenmore Sq that first was nasty about my situation by saying "That girl needs to get a life" as many people in Boston firmly believe I deserved to be targeted and refuse to believe the whole story. The cover story validates thier beloved mafias and rich people so that is what they want to believe in.
However a few moments later he, almost like a person with disassociation switches persona, his body language and many things about him changed when a blind person went by and he assisted them. Its like he turned into a nun or his kindly Catholic mother just at the sight of the blind. Its good that Boston Irish still retain some civility and decency and kindness from the old culture of Boston Catholics but what is striking is just a few moments earlier he was being very unkind and very unfair to another unfortunate person. Thats becuz he was not 'trained' by his family and his church to be triggered by someone like me. This is in fact why he changed so drastically upon seeing the blind person. It was a trigger. He did what he is supposed to do, probably it was bonded into him via love of his mother and in Irish Catholic culture still reflecting ancient Celtic culture, women have power and Mother Mary IS woman..or attached to the idea of his own mother. Its a brilliant move on behalf of the church ot understand that cultres such as Mexico, Italy and Ireland have some qualities where women have alot of power and to co opt that utilizing Mother Mary to replace whatever pagan element was in these cultures formely. It doesnt surprise me that Mother Mary is not so popular with southerners or Californians, where Jesus, like an Elvis figure, seems to be thier main celebrity.

Ignorant minorities moreso out west refer to us all as 'anglos' but we know there is something vastly different about Scottish, Irish and British people. Different yet similar. Even the music is slightly different though to outsiders sounds similar. I hate to say this but there is something about the Irish that makes them suceptible to be oppressed or occupied. OK maybe its been northern Ireland but now its other factions taking over in Ireland.

So many European ethnic groups have lost touch with where they came from. The successful ones seem to now group in class for safety and progress. I have this saying that I used to hear Italians refer to other Italians as 'pisan' in Boston, that was before Italians turned white. That just doesnt happen anymore. And ethnic groups that are not as strong or money minded as Italians like the Irish are constantly at the mercy of stronger more aggressive ethnic groups, then losing thier culture or merging with them for survival.

I say many poor Caucasians in the USA have lost thier fight- their Will. And this is due to losing connection to thier European ancestry and cult re. In every city in the USA its the same. Crushed by YUPPIes or occupied by certain other ethnic groups that are stronger in maintaining thier sense of identity as a group.

This ensures that a person like myself either conform for survival or turn to the co opted white trash culture to survive.

America has become a cess pool of new money and YUPpie snobbery as well as African American ghetto culture. PC meets drive by's. Its impossible to navigate. I wish there was a such thing as an Irish ghetto still. What Southie? They are impossible too. And they are slipping in thier hold on that area which tells me it wont be long for them either.

The formula seems to be that if you dont conform to some YUPpie or WASP definition of 'normal' or 'successful' then you refuse to conform or just dont have the intelligence or upbringing to make it. You are then treated like an idiot who is given meds for multiple 'disorders' that you dont even have, and if you do then its most likely due to poverty and trauma. Curing the effects of poverty with psych meds. This is what the country has been reduced to.
If you still do not conform to one of these classes then you are a renegade and are held in very high suspicion basically perceived as a terrorist.

This is how life has been destroyed for the common people of the USA. Every city I got to and many small towns people are very aware of what is going on, of how thier culture is being destroyed. But the poor or regular people are so hated right now that they say so with an attitude of being oppresssed but the authority is such a giant that its overwhelming.

The USA has made it impossible to live outside of narrowly prescribed lifestyles and to do so will get you harassed or vilified.

In UTAH in the bus this latino wise ass (the Mexicans there are either real Mexicans from the old country or these horrid YUPpies of Mex decent that simply have more spice when attacking you for not being a YUPie than all the blondes there.) He got into my business by asking how I make money when I travel and getting stupidly aggressive while being intrusive. An attack for sure. The second I said I was from Boston he asked "YOUR from Boston?" and he lost all attack mode and his face turned a bit sheepish and fearful. I liked it..alot. This also happens frequently in the SW when people see that ID in line at a store. They actually physically back off. I dont know what they have been told or seen on TV but its a privileged I enjor very much as a TI who has had all thier power and dignity taken away. To finally get some respect..even if its just for my homes tate.
Of course this makes all these types of people seem even MORE like status whores and super ignorant about thier own country.

I find it hard to believe that no one nowadays understands the oppression that people like me are fighting. We cant all move to France you know. Thats only for artists that had enough money to buy thier privacy and right to exist by getting the hell out of here when Bush got in. No one gets it anymore. The whole cultuer is so brainwashed now its just gone. Any critical thinking about thier own culture is just gone. We are the new niggers. Forget blacks being oppressed like this though I am sure it still happens. If Jay Z is on the cover of Rolling Stone as The King of America then its that cultures time just like it was the Italians time for gaming the public and then turning all thier criminal enterprises legit...just like Italians like during the Rat Pack. Its a joke that people think the FBI got rid of the mafia. Why wouldnt they just put thier money in legit things and go quiet. People like the flashy big mouth guys that get busted just serve as diversions while the smart ones go quiet as WASPs. Get it? Sheesh grow up America. Asking too much I guess.

So now the question is where to go away from the USA? If Ireland of all countries is having such problems then forget it. Countries like New Zealand and Australia will only let people live there if they can bring something with them to contribute.

One of the things that is so obnoxious about my targeting is that its basically MK Ultra breaking of the person for confession. Our whole culture is using cult brainwashing tactics to validate the loss of privacy. It goes like this: if dirt is dug up on you you get exposed. Then the public get a hold of this and you are paraded in front of them for disapproval and scrutinizing. Then its expected you will break down, admit you need 'help' and to change your ways or repent. Then you are I assume supposed to be given a second chance or some other bullsh*t with the public and popular opinion on everything from your mental state to your morality as judge, jury and executioner. One of the reasons I dont trust anything covert that may be connected to Masonry nowadays is that if Price Hall is behind anything thier roots are very much in the Christian Church. There is the reason that many of the founding fathers refused to go to church but to be balanced supported thier existence, out of fairness. If anything in this country is being run by such powers then it IS time to go to war with popular culture, covertly created by such factions. And to resist occupation.

The public do indeed believe nowadays that they have a right to invade and occupy people in order to create peace. Sounds very NWO minded even if its only directed towards individuals. Exposing someone and then shaming them into confession and reform to conform is not healthy, nurturing or supportive. Its the nature of cult brainwashing. Many people may see this as the popular idea of intervention. However this like everything else now is being abused to help target certain people to alter them or keep them under control and silenced. The public can have interventions and be as nosy as possible, have community watch and cops with miliary powers now but a pedophile still got away with many victims and tortuing one of them for years until he killed the bastard:
The system and the people actively support corruption in many forms but then have these targets to satisfy their blood lust. And that is exactly what it is bullshit from start to finish. The people, by nature being cowardly, are not strong enough to fight the real problems in thier system so they focus on targets that satisfy thier sense of taking control over thier world. Besides, like good children, they dare not bite the hand that feeds and protects them even though it is out of control nowadays. The other problem is that many people in the USA are satisfied with the system. They fit into a prescribed or socially acceptable lifestyle and dont need to resist as the system gets along with them just fine. It is now the norm to feel that your lifestyle and way of thinking is being out phased from American culture. And that is 'just the way it is'.

Look lets get realistic. The country sucks now, the people have been taken to the cleaners by special interests and corporate corruption and they just dont care as long as the good old stUSA keeps on keeping on. I am disgusted by my nation, my homestate, my hometown, my family, my old friends and associates, many of my ethnic cultures existing in the USA and many strangers I meet all across the USA for thier complacency, thier lack of guts and thier stupidity. They chose scapegoats instead fighting the system against corruption and destruction of 'the people' and they DARE to cover up thier actions by trying to make it out to be intervention or exposing someone so they will ve forced to reform. Its the most vile thing I have ever experienced. The WORST part of it is covering the bs with a culture of PC and therapy. Does George W Bush need a therapist or Osama Bin Laden? WTF is this sh*t? People dont want to take things seriously or deal with them so they pawn them off onto easy answers that are not only unjust to their targets/victims but to the whole nation and its culture as well.

I have actually had people in on this intimate or state that I need only finally be honest about my story or when I finallly agree to get honest they will help me etc. More BS. More trying to invalidate the victim of gross abuse. And its stupid becuz I aint goin for it. I will leave the US and go live under a bridge somewhere else..and be harassed in a language I cant understand.
I used to love to watch television from foreign countries cuz you cant understand what they are trying to sell you. Years ago I noted that the Weather Channel was the number one choice for stressed out people to leave on in the backround due to it not selling any popular culture or social control (selling products or popular opinions or training you how to think or percieve certain subject matter). I use Japanese YouTube as my page due to me blissfully not understanding a damn thing written on the videos they shove into your view the second you go to the page in "Being watched right now" or "most popular" section, of which the USA is the most terrible to look at. It by far has the stupidest videos of all the countries to chose from. At least if you choose a European country it will consist of soccer and sex or politics.

I know it will be hard. I know that I will have no health insurance. I know I will probably make some faux pas and be stigmatized or get into trouble for not understanding the language. I wouldnt be doing this if my own country wasnt so intolerable.
I would just be a councillor by now doing art projects on the side living my life and minding my own business. I wouldnt need to seek privacy, peace or acceptance somewhere else. I am sick of feeling like my life was exposed so much to strangers that there is a large number of people in the public throughout the whole USA that have gotten to help destroy me but had no right to at all. This whole game seems to be coming down from wealthy people who think that I am the sort of person who had no right to my own looks or talent. That this is the way life is and I should get used to it. That they have such power in this world that no one can stop them or get them back for what they did. That this is my natural place in society and that this whole targeting of me to keep me down is perfectly normal.
That I am supposed to be put on display for their amusement or as a curiosity. I want to understand why this all started to get bad when my mother went to testify at the Presidents Advisory Committee for being a documented human radiation experimentee.
How does that have anything to do with ANY of the bs that I am made to believe I am targeted for? Becuz that is why I am truly targeted.
All of this bullsh*t only started when she stirred that up and got in touch with people from whe the Dept of Energy etc. THAT is when I got targeted in an obvious manner.
And my claims of being a survivor of programming in unison with any connection to the sex industry as well as MK Ultra related projects like the human radiation experimentation is just too much info to be allowed to be exposed.

So it has to be made out to be about all this other crap. And of course becuz MY life sucks so bad and I am very dissatisfied and I am driven into the worst parts of poverty and being destitute then I willl be viewed as homeless by choice or vilified when I am actually fighting oppression.

People actually want to exploit people and have them be happy about it. THey want the expendable people they destroy to be all good with what has been done to them. THis is the main reason for the existence of behavior modification programs that many surviors and TI's are abducted into by the gang stalking system. We are so poor many of us, from poor families that could be easily comprimised due to thier own crimes, that the very wealthy and connected that are behind these projects and benefit from the results actually feel validated in what they are doing.
The fact that I may have a pretty damn healthy high opinion of myself for being hard working, ethical, smart, self actualizing, seeking self improvement, attractive, strong and creative is not important to that faction that is behind organized stalking and harassment. In fact that is why we are chosen. Being smart and strong we simply make better slaves or people to exploit. They can get more out of us.
The problem is that there is very little protecting people like me. I am sure that eventually, just like the other losers in my mothers family, I am supposed to conform or kiss up to the system and reform myself . There never was anything wrong with most of my family to begin with. They simply fell into the traps of the abusers my grandparents. They cleverly covered for the abuse of their children by guilting them at every turn and focusing on thier dramas. So they all felt that they were the ones who needed self improvement when in actuality, they by birthright had many talents and attributes that by thier very nature gave them an edge in human society. The abuse by my grandparents is what robbed them of such gifts. Then the abuser and the taker will vilify the victim until they fall for behavior modification/cult brainwashing and actually believe that THEY are the offender. That THEY did something wrong to the family and thus need to change or become socially acceptable.
The public seems to not want to accept this reality. Becuz if America accepted how much abuse of humans by other humans actually existed on a daily basis and dealt with that, they would have to start to look at not only tiher own track records, but of the nation they live in, that exploits readily to achieve its way of 'the good life.
So its easier to have scapegoats to parade in front of the public that they can reform- thus taking care of that feeling inside which actually stems from people not being in control of the corruption in thier own lives or thier own damn country.

How is it ok to destroy my life in favor of rich kid criminals like Jake and Julie and then use morality as a basis of why I need to be destroyed? Its the biggest con and bunch of bs I have ever seen. And of course these bastards are hoping that my destruction will lead to my 'reform'. Which equals problem solved and we dont have to answer to any of it and its a happy long as no one knows the truth. Just like the results of the Advisory Committee : no harm, no foul.

You can all go f*ck yourselves. I will never give in and I certainly will NOT be guilted into reform when in fact it was greed and petty jealously that destroyed my life..not my own faults. I was taking care of my own faults, trying to improve myself. The system readily used this to take advantage of my trust in the system and use that trust to gas light me and exploit the situation to the fullest. If people had not been against me like the assholes they were and are I would have probably turned out just fine, with a nice balanced life consisting of using my life experience to help others.

People like Dr Emmerich, Julie, my mother, Jake, Barbra Pettiti, and even my own family many others all decided either they did no wrong and I was the major problem in thier lives or they knew that they were not in the right with what they had done to me or were doing to me and had to gang up for ..guess what? Yes: mutual protection and profit.

I am somehow supposed to either forgive them or get over it and move on with this subject and it gets forgotten. Either that or people know how insanely abusive it was but they figure thats the way life is and I am supposed to accept what happened as part of my life...then consequently move on I assume.

How am I supposed to move on when no one is acknowledging what happened as really ever having happened? THAT is a bit much to take really. The idea that especially my mother, was and probably will stick to the claim that I am mentally ill like my father is covering for any wrong doing that was done. However with the claims that I make it fits in perfectly to as a cover excuse.
If one looks at this logicicallly, my patenisal aunts claims of my father going around talking about a secret govt project involving the military that involves my family is not so far fetched and with the developments of the past decade, and with everthing I know now it actually makes sense. Hes probably gang stalked which would explain his being paranoid of people messing with him. But what is most interesting is that the public may full well know about all of this; they just consider me and others like me to be acceptable losses in the big picture that involves progress especially in the field of what the human experimentation consisted of.
There are also people in the poverty levels around me that are so slave minded, so peasant minded from the old country in thier thinking, that to be victimized by such authority figures or higher ups in society is considered some sort of honor- it makes the victim seem special and then of course humans being what they are we get jealousy. This of course is akin to being chosen for rape by a high society man when you were jsut a lowly servant girl or peasant. The attitude was 'well you should be honored' and all that nonsense. And believe me people down here at this level are that stupid and petty. And seriously f*cked up. You got women in shelters saying sh*t like : 'she aint no better' and 'she aint all dat' just becuz someone like me for instance chooses to keep themselves looking like a college student or traveler to be able to gain access to more resources. I NEED universities and other resources for my work. And due to my upbringing...or my programming I have to keep fairly neat and clean. It would be impossible for anything less. My internal programing would start messing with me..punishing me and such if I dared to abandon that routine. Its out of my control. And ghetto haters and white trash haters will pull you the f*ck down if you take care of yourself. Which is why we need a homeless place or urban camping grounds for the independant minded houseless person or traveler. Someplace where the energy will be positive and light. Or if we feel dark hearted we wont be told to go to church like ignorant peasants to remedy the probme. really that problme is with soiciuety that refuses to understnad fmale nares and mood swings as noirmal. WE need meds or church or babies or to be brought down by beta females. F*ck all that. Ever listend to Bjork sing that song about having to throw this off a cliff every morning before her man wakes so taht she can be peaceful with him again? Young women often have these levels of aggression and society gets them to fight amomgst each other and put high heels on for armor and makeup for war paint . THis is what they reduce us to by the time we are 18, many women lose thier sense of coradery or unity wieth other females. Those mondiung games we play as little girls, if men saw them as lsess than innicent, as empowering us for furture unity, they would probably take those away too. Little witches plotting to destroy them. Thats all they ever see when its not a pretty perfect picture theat they expect...and post Bush alot more pretty perfect pictures and sappy happy endings are whats expected from women. Forget the economy and Gitmo..I want to hear about how much sexism has been brought back in by 9/11 and Bush. Sigh, Gen X tried to kill John Wayne but they killed Kurt and co opted the real women with 'girrrrrl power' to ensure failure. Now it all sucks again big time with no way out.

What is more threatening to them it seems is not the aggression of younger women which they cleverly turn to thier own advantage via babies, marriages and motherhood or a sex culture but older women who are becoming elders. Women who feel its time to take a matriarchal role in their society.

There are many survivors of mind control men and women. Many have blogs on the internet. Many of them seem to be expendable and claim the same problems I have usually- just being discarded and then disregarded by society all together. No way out, no assistance. And whats worse are the attitudes of non survivors who think we fit into the same slot they do. The line is handed to us that 'we are all survivors of something' and they try to get us to behave and be like them or to heal over wounds or to move on.
People have to understand that being a survivor of high level programming and then a gang stalking campaign to drive us to suicide if we dare wake up to that fact and try to run our own lives is waaayyy different than your usual war stories from drugs, the street, jail, crime etc. Your own MIND is used against you. This is not like living a horrible story. There are hardly any other people we meet in society that understand us or have the same experiences. The forums for us that are created always attract sickos who want to exploit us further or people from teh system that are there to detract from any healing or legitimacy of such a movement...especially credibility.

There are people in this world that not only will go to great and murderous lengths to ensure that mind control slavery never ends, they have a typical pedophile type mindset for the most part that such children are special and that we need their sick love and care even in adult hood. Many pedophiles are so twisted that they deeply care for children's issues and needs. They genuinely do not see the damage or harm done to children. So is the mindset of many perps and people in the gang stalking system or even the survivors own family. Its also an act put on by very professional people, probably connected to certain intell agecneis, the military, organized crime or the police- people who are trained in psychological operations- its an act that they are trained for in order to drastically minimize what is done to the targeted survivor over the years during a campaign. What is amounts to is one of the worst behavior modification or brainwashing programs known to man where torture is used to destroy the person on all major fronts- physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually- in order to force them into completing the behavior modification program, which mostly consists of wiping memories by different means then getting the target to actually be happy with some sort of new life or reinvention of self.

The purpose of all those smirking idiots is to not only make the TI feel that they did something wrong and deserve this, but that its a smirk- a smirk is a smile. Over time, with enough sexual abuse put into the campaign via many means of doing so, enough isolation, enough lack of stimulation, love, growth, and enough guilting and shaming the targeted survivor will start to internalize this and on some level accept the presence of thier captors and thier abuse as normal. A smile is a very primitive communication among humans. Language barriers dont apply. Sex and smiles. These are very persuasive things and if done enough in unison with hurt, pain, torture and denial a person will begin to believe whatever the captor wants them to believe. ISOLATION IS THE NUMBER ONE IMPORTANT FACTOR to ensure success. Sex is a key that invaluable. Without isolation from your old life and the people in it, without isolation from decent people this system would never work. Sex might be the most important key however to getting inside of a person..not literally I mean but in the sense of brainwashing. Trauma and torture might do so much but sex will then bond you to your captors and really it smooths over the situation like a diplomat. It really is the most dangerous part of getting someone to eventually accept the abuse as normal or even beneficial.

These things, much like the man in the article above, keep us isolated and chained to our abusers. Who is going to help us or believe us? Most of what they do is cleverly hidden as other things in life and the things we could sue for are either gotten away from us by heavy harassment so we cant act on it or the people involved are bought off or refuse to buck the system for an expendable/casualty. This is why people from 'bad families' are so convenient. People feel that its a bad seed situation or that the family has something to pay for in society anyway so why not offer up a relative? Typical primitive human thinking or abusing biblical thinking to validate human greed and selfishness. Bullshit really.

It keeps us alone even when in a crowd of people who claim to want to help us or bond with us due to "everyone being a survivor of something". The modern therapy culture is a happy cult group that feels its good to be in a 12 step group and likes to discuss what kind of meds eveyrone is taking, like at a party in the 70's..when people did street drugs to escape the reality of their situations instead of going to big pharma to do so. These are not the kinds of people actively fighting THIS kind of ongoing heavy oppression. The survivor of mind control and that is connected to pedophile cults is in an ongoing situation probably for life. Those are also not the kind of pedophile to go up against a corrupt authority figure as on eo f the side results I noted about NA seems to be to get people to conform to acceptable social standards and 'normalize' themselves. This is what occurs when you blame all your faults on drugs use or drinking. Its also the number one reason why there ares so many sick f*cks in the halls of NA or whatever 12 step program becuz they are supposed to seek 'outside help' for the very issues that made them use in the first place. Just try doing that if you are a targeted survivor of high level programming...the system will come after you and they will craft it over the years so when it comes down on your head, you will barely survive. These people do NOT f*ck around. They off people no problem for interfering or screwing up.
Its no surprise that many TI's get alot more harassment when they get clean and sober, which shouldnt be the case as they are doing what society asks to them and trying to help themselves to be healthier people. In the world of mind control survivors things are often inverse. The cop is a bad guy, your mom is the worst monster in your life and it might be a good thing to stay f*cked up on heroin until your dead. Doing anything else and going the opposite way- which most people consider normal or the good way to go- is punished in this sick reality.
All that society can do with this is to give up and say it looks pretty much like the person is schizo or making up excuses for thier behavior. No one really even listens to us, nor do they care. To them its a marginalized society that has nothing to do with them. If you told them that without cute little girls and boys to suffer lifetimes of abuse, courier drugs, serve as sexaul objects either young or old, or be couriers of information that is sensitive, classified or secret correspondences between important parties- if you told them that without this and the dirty trick dept thier 'good life' would never be possible they could not begin to accept that kind of they sh*t can you along with the system full of people who are not confused or unsure of the validity of all of it. They go along with the system becuz they are sheep.

And deep down most humans are assholes who think people like us should serve and die for them anyway.

So not only does my country now suck in ways I never imagined- I mean I thought the 80's were a torture chamber that we were all done with now. Then they bring back alot of the same crap in politics and culture but without any freedoms at all hardly..not only this but my personal situation is just so horrible. And all I get for it is a bunch of sheep who really want to believe cover stories due to being ignorant of harsh reality as well as needing targets to destroy becuz they cant go after the people that destroyed thier country and thier way of life they were used to. It is a form of bullying to destroy or help torment someone that has never had a way to defend themselves against allegations or attack. I think these people know they are full of sh*t they just choose to get in on the shunning of the person for all thier little personal reasons like sexism, racism, jealousy or whatever makes them have a need to attack someone else to feel validated.
So the survivor is put out to the jackals to help the system destroy them. This is a form of peer pressure and its part of the brainwashing process to destroy and reform a survivor so they never feel validated in their stories or claims and they go along with forgetting and 'reforming' themselves to please the angry gods and the angry mob.

It doesnt surprise me that the system went after many of us during this time period. Its the perfect time to do so as the public is in an angry mood after being told that the dream bought on borrowed time (credit) cant last forever and that we are no longer on an isolated piece of land that no one can touch with terrorism.
Really its not thier faults. Like myself much of America was kept in this childlike protected state in order to control its people for whatever purpose and now it serves that purpose more so to expose them to the harsh realities of the rest of the world. Its cruel really and its no way for the caretakers of the nation and its people to behave as 'parents'. Its disgusting really to betray the people as such, just like its disgusting to betray me in such a manner.

That is what has traditionally been done to rebellious slaves: throw them out into the world with no resources and let them see how they are treated. They will start to appreciate their former enslavement and want no more to be in power, authority or have the Will to run thier own lives. Hopefully they will die out there or they will come crawling back and agree to be treated even worse and do even more than before for less.

Its also what pimps, the morons, do to thier women to own them for life. I heard a story about a big black motherf*cker in Boston once. He got a hold of one of his older girls doing something and he beat her within an inch of her life. The stupid girls who were into pimp life thought this story was oh so dramatic and heavy. It showed thier weakness towards male domination and to me a weakness of mind. These are the kinds of girls who are hopeless Daddys girls- some male had a hold of them when they were kids and its male power they understand the most. It makes little sense to Mama's girls but thats the way they are. They really hand power right over to males like its nothing. Its the way they were raised.

Part of the gang stalking system has been to convert all my dependency to males. Its to take me away from the powerful women formerly that surrounded me as allies and friends. The constant abuse by male perps as well as the shaming and guilting over the issues associated with being female ENSURES that I will be converted to a woman like my mother who was molested at an early age and terrorized by males. I have seen that woman with such a lacking in her core in really standing up against corrupt male authority that I know its becuz of what males did to her early on. Most of my abusers physically, emotionally and mentally were always women. So were my rescuers and allies. Men perhaps did other things but it was never that important as women would always be bigger in the picture.
This system, and I can tell by the way they have done things over the years, is out to destroy whatever connection to women I had that was so natural and dependent. Its the ultimate in breaking up a sisterhood. No matter how much my mother and I hated each other we are both WOMEN. Same goes for numerous family members and associates and friends in my life.
The fact that the abuse by males has been so severe and ongoing and that the people who handed me over, who betrayed me to this system were in fact the women who were most important in my life, is planned to convert me at this late age, to being exactly the same as a girl who is betrayed by her mother by being handed over to sexually abusive males. Of all the things that this system is attempting or has accomplished throughout, that seems to be the most important goal. I must not just become self hating, but I must hate other women for betraying me. I must start to depend on males for my survival as well as begin to accept the abuse from males in the gang stalking system.

Its like the full proof way to destroy a feminist. But I am not a feminist but I am close to whatever is feared by male factions in this culture or women who support male authorities. With the sexism brought in during Bush this move does not surprise me. Gloria Steinem as a young girl also was raised by her mother and had to take care of her during illness. The big difference is that I refuse to include minorities in feminism due to seeing the behavior creeping up through the decades that now ends up as 'bitches' this and 'hos' that and this gangsta cult culture that is militant and male. F*ck that. Women's issues should be about WOMEN...not yer man as well cuz you happen to be black or whatever. If I were allowed to flourish and start something that is the way I would present it..dont like it? Then go rally for something else.
I often wonder if that is a major factor in destroying me...other than keeping me silent about organized crime and crooked cops in rotten Boston as well as discrediting me concerning any connections to MK Ultra via my mother's status as documented human experimentee. I just wonder if the real problem would not be what I was but what I could accomplish as an activist with that much internal drive, intelligence and creativity as well as looking damn good for my age and we all know this shallow culture listens to people they find attractive.

So I am to be destroyed as well as reformed into...some sort of corporate drone. I just dont see it happening.
The thing that is most horrible is that no one back home cares. I just know it. All those bastards have forgotten about me and whatever debt they owe. And that sh*thead ex of mine is probably living happy ever after in LA. And my mother I can imagine is just fine finally rid of that burden she had to deal with so long..that kid she had that was a way of getting away from her father and finally getting some sympathy and respect from society.Many abused women choose this line of logic and in the USA it push one out and yer as big a hero as a woman ever will be allowed to be in this culture. But the kid usually suffers as she did not give life for the kids sake but for her own. Get a set of balls and go up against the abuser once and for all and stop wasting everyone else's time and projecting your bullshit onto your kids. I hate women like this. And they hide in the system readily whos heart bleeds for mothers and gets itself a good deal of legitimacy by taking care of women with children. Its a great relationship that thse women have with the system...and single women wont play so we get less shelter and held with suspicion for being homeless. Becuz of course we wont play footsie with the abuser. Too damn bad.

The primitive female is the greatest threat. Both beautiful and capable of brutality, feminine but strong and built, sexually aggressive and offering submission in games with males if only she can truly retain her control, sportsman like, logical yet at other times artistic and wonderfully illogical and emotional, maternal and then scared and childlike. Peasant and princess. Containing the most ancient primitive yet somehow expressing something very advanced in human culture, classy yet vulgar. These kinds of people may just be too European for America to accept. For some of us this is a very normal way to be. To many Americans it seems to scare and confuse them desperately to the point where they are burning us at the stake without even knowing they are doing so...or why. So they need a theatre- a place where excuses are made up to explain away not only the persons existence but their destruction.

This is the ultimate purpose of the gang stalking system. And the reason its covert with so much 'voice of god' type mentality (and technology) involved is that they want the public to be reduced to the days when elders explained away the sun and other strange and scary things out of thier control through made up tales. Its just easier for them that way.

My dad, the guy who is targeted for having enough brains to figure some of this out as well as having a rebellious nature against authority, he has moved to many locations around the world and it just seems that it does no good. Of course I was never allowed to meet him..for all I know he's in on it or knows exactly what is going on. Who knows, who cares? I know that one of the harassments I get alot lately is ideations that I am very similar to my maternal aunt or my dad. Once in Waltham I was sitting in a cafe a few years ago and it struck me very hard that someone, somewhere was in shock over how much I looked like Danny's mother sitting there. It was an impression that still creeps me out to this day in its strength. It hit me like a smack, this impression. I personally never thought too much about these things. I am related to these people and of course I will exhibit physical or other similarities of manner or behavior. But there is something or should I say it feels like someone(s) who is or are obsessed with my resemblance to differing members of my family. Its interesting that often the ones I get are Danny and Debbie and they are seen as the weakest of my family. The easiest to manipulate, lie to and push around. Why wouldnt this system want to have me internalize perceptions that I am just like them? Debbie just went from one controller (black female) to another (White male/husband) and refuses to deal with the reality of how f*cked up that family is. She got a bit of 'bad luck' and stress during a certain time period there and it seems to have done its job as she got married, had a kid and buried her head into a career as a hairdresser. Those were her options. And I loved that woman, not only for her style and her whimsy but for how smart she was when no one was looking. She knew what time it was quite frequently. She deserved more than a husband like that and she deserved more than people contunuing to handle her for life keeping her from harsh realities. One time my uncle's wife Patty who has married into this familty but seems very aware of what exactl;y is going on internally, handled my aunt when she was confronted by me complaining her son was very rude to me upon my return from Las Vegas for a funeral. Patty just interfered and then looked at me like she is in control and this is the way the dynamics work. She is the mother of my cousin who gets to go to school to be a genetic engineer and is an ordained minister and very blonde and green eyed while I get to rot out in the street..and I am just as smart as her if not more artistically talented. My uncle was in on the height of the harassment and i will never forget it or forgive the idiot. Just cuz you hung out with Italians and blew people's brains out for them doesnt mean you are one. And that is MY family not Patty's. They'll pay for that and she needs to not interfere with blood. What do you expect from the lower class peasant Irish...thats my family for you. My great grandmother from Cork was from a country gentlemen type family and worked as a nanny in Weston and he goes and marries a lower class Irish from Somerville. Great, anything to take away the family 'curse' eh?

I certainly dont like being compared to my dad or my aunt. Very infrequently its that I have the same voice, mannerisms or thinking as my mother. What is so maddening about this is that I really should be allowed to just perceive myself as ME. But that is what is done to destroy someone's sense of self.

Now I get to percieve myself as just a homeless woman who makes claims that are obviously from the mind of a schizophrenic, though she is functional and smart enough to avoid a label. This is actually what I am supposed to accept as a life for myself.
That this is all I will ever be.

But I cant forget the organized stalking, harassment and abuse of power. I cant forget the blacklisting and gaslighting. The betrayals. People close to me telling me things that validate what is happening to me but never telling me whats going on or trying to defend me. The way this was done was so viscous and nasty that it cannot be insanity. Only true human greed, selfishness, hatred and jealousy could have produced results this damn destructive.
And TI's are supposed to accept thier place just like that. Mostly its that people are so disgusted with what I represent and the way I am that I am disgusting and this is my natural like a troll under the bridge. Funny as that is, its true. They make the TI so self loathing and smear them so badly that they are satisfied with the living conditions they are reduced to.
And people like my family or Jake or Julie are all of the opinion that I am supposed to be comfortable with being sacrificed for the good of all these people due to that always being the way I was treated by these people before this shit came down anyway.

People may feel bad for me but its not the price that people in my past or this country needs to pay for my demise and destruction and smirking over it for years wont change that.
Perhaps moving to another place where people are more grown up in accepting that these horrors exist will be more validating.

We are talking about the extension of the work of Nazi human experimentation. It doesnt get any more horrible than that but the public in the USA refuse to see it. They are more blind by will than the German's every were. The reason its so easy to exploit people like me here in the US is that the US doesnt want to see it happens in thier own country. If they do they often blame the victims by demonizing them. Thats the way America is and I dont think they learned anything from the Bush years. Except that Satanism is cool so its now marketed to them via boy band vampire actor types and lots of crappy sci fi for evening shows as well as non threatning music and movies being ooohhh so dark and creepy. But you know the USA, its always watered down so as not to strike with to much force of how evil Evil really is. They just cant take it. They may live it every day, they may go through hard times or truama but they always have the benefit of their collective reality- the United States of America. I have basically been marginalized out of that. It doesnt exist for me. I have seen probably what alot of soldiers see which makes them kill themselves when they return home..not in live battle but that humans can actually do these things and there is such destruction. Then when you know too much of whats really out there, this culture is hardly psychologically befitting of you or supportive by its very nature.
My fear is that I will find the same crap everywhere else. That the whole world is populated by humans that are just as annoying as the ones here. That its the same everywhere. That once you have been exposed to what humanity is capable of that they dont expose to the start to understand why people like Olsen jump out of windows.

Its very hard to try to compartmentalize at my age with this much damage from mold exposure and stress from gang stalking. Its hard to try to live my life on the road seeking happiness, artists or fellow travelers and know that this other content is really what its about.


Anonymous said...

Another musician down the rabbit hole:

And to think I just read this a mere hours after reading about some other deaths in similar circumstances:

Killed for denying a blacklist of some other rapper (50 Cent).

These people could really care less how much talent you are or how special you are: if you are a threat to their little illegal empires, you're history. As far as they're concerned, you're just another annoyance to shut up forever.

Mike C said...

Pretty heavy writing here. Intelligent you are. I enjoyed reading it. Being targeted from nearly every different race, religion, male, female; I can't relate to the feminist movement. I feel it aligns me with a particular type of people, and as being a target it's me against them, and them might just be in a group, so I align only with targets. I found people who lead groups of interest are usually under the same NWO umbrella anyway. And quite frankly I really don't believe a woman in charge would be any better. Women have become more influential, and the laws get more restrictive. Alot of safety issues are passed to make women, and wimpy men feel more safe, eg. red light cameras, airport body scanners, illegal phone taps, strict dwi laws, and even laws that get in the way of you travelling around without hassle, and laws that put away the 'crazies' to make the women feel safe. Laws that get passed to stop gangstalking will do nothing but limit free speach, and enable the government another reason to snoop on people, and it will not stop gangstalking because the laws will be used to incriminate the targets. John the Baptist was beheaded because of a womans influence, sure a man made the order, but who had the final say, who was controlling behind the scenes. I also wonder if Mary Magnalene got rocks thrown at her because of jealous womens influence, and gossip. However I wouldnt doubt it being both sexes being responsible.