Foolish Love Affairs Brought On By Living in a War Zone

The organized stalking and harassment system known also as just 'gang stalking' is used on many people throughout life without thier knowledge. These are human beings who have somehow been sold out to slavery via sophisticated and ancient mind control methods. Also some are being used in continuing human experimentation. In this way the system is used as maintenance. To maintain control over the person by ensuring they are always on edge...internal programming will take care of the rest.
When and if you get beyond that point this system will stay on your ass until you give in..to suicide, insanity or just giving up by getting old, tired, fat and forgetting what the reality of your situation is. By becoming compliant, submissive or conforming. Giving in to aggrevation, desperation, depression, anger, hunger or the vampirism that years of gang stalking can create in a person-that kind of hunger. If you used to naturally exchange energy with people in a very strong way this system will attempt to turn you into an empty vessel that literally drains others.

You realize that many decisions in your life were driven by living under this system but never understanding that. The shame is that when you are at this point as I am now, you can actually see that you form relationships under war-like conditions. Relationships of convenience or desperation. These are never honest relationships nor are they really what we need. What we need is to be left the hell alone to heal, figure things out and then to do some work that is satisfying using all of our life experience. Instead this system wants to destroy us, turn us into hateful, disgruntled unhappy people. Often even as we fight this happens. No one who is so harassed can fight and keep thier composure.

I find myself often getting into relationships of desperation or convenience quite naturally. People may try to brainwash you into believing that 'this is the way life is' or that you got what you deserved etc. Gang stalking is very severe and its NOT normal. Why else would they try so hard to get the TI labeled even before they undersand what is going on? If this were normal or the way life goes then it wouldnt have to be done so covertly. Any of it. Do YOU usually have pharmacists telling you not to take the pills they just filled for you?? Do YOU have people coming up to you with info about your existence that they should not have unless the FBI at its most sophisticated level has been on your ass for life? WTF is that?? People are afraid to deny this system what is wants...its not that its right or normal. But the only people willing to approach you when you got a target on your back ARE the very people that want you to believe such things.

Today I had a relationship finally end. It has been going on since February. Not a long time but as TI's get older and as the abuse from this system destroys you and you l live on the road with no solid support system as its been ripped from you, if you DO find someone you become dependent on them and fall in very deep with them too quickly. This behavior is not only deadly to older people's sense of self and emotional state but it is something that should have been outgrown by now. This is one of the marks of MK Ultra is regression back to childhood or an immature state. And it puts many targets into such daily immense pain that suicide is often the only way out.
The gang stalking system is basically taking you and trying to fit you into a smaller box than is your right size. It keeps you small. This is not natural so of course you'll be in immense pain at all times. Unless you "accept your situation" as one perp told me. Which means lying to yourself to survive.

I had a psychic connection with this person as well which is odd in itself on top of him knowing my situation. Instead of it creeping me out I just accepted it. He seemed more helpful than harmful. But he had things about him I knew werent right for me. I should have left months ago. My intuition kept telling me so. Hes also a bit of a con and is only 30. I knew this. But after suffering so much and becoming so damaged one will do anything to feel safe and healed. It gave me much needed healing and safety as this man was both gentle and tough when necessary.
After an unusual occurence of some theatrics pulled near the 12th and Imperial trolley station, he went looking for the guy and many security guards looked nervous about that...I could see it. After years of this you start to read this in people. You can see thier part in the games.

I have been left alone pretty much ever since..except for perhaps this area being intolerable to me for other reasons. If it is gang stalking its so subtle that it makes me aggrevated without knowing how to avoid it. I have been getting aggrevated lately only when he is with me. Its like the system changed its game plan. I actually feel like whatever stimulus I am reacting to I could handle better if I were alone.
An older target told me that the system has ways of making friends fight. Especially if they are both targeted.

I went into it too far and of course started to built around him and define me as us. This is new to me and is only a result of being reduced and altered via years of gang stalking. I always retained my own life in relationships before and it wasnt hard to walk away with some civility. After what part Jake played and since that time period of the campaign starting so aggressively, I havent been that person in years. This may be ultimately an attempt to make me tamed into a marriage or become dependent on a man for...well everything. Its certainly not my natural style.
Its what comes from living under these conditions..warlike conditions. You arent who you would have been if left to your own Will. My book was still my main focus but I gave up too much for him. I have spend alot of money helping him get his sh*t together as well as stayed in So Cal even though the environment is destructive to me health.
I now find myself alone and unassisted, broke early in the month, in a tent. I also found something else strange:my cavitation started hurting again and many aches and pains returned once I genuinely broke it off today (and texted that I hate him). His presence or his pheromones seemed to have actually put me into a state of rest or ease.
One of the things you will note as you progress into being destroyed is that you can no longer easily heal yourself along with losing much self love.

Due to the extremely stressful environment here in So Cal, one of passive Agression, and of no privacy on the street, of no respect, of constant comparison and status seeking and me being mistaken for some broad who gives a sh*t. They will steal your soul here minute by minute and I learned too late why all the Mex women wear big wrap around sunglasses. To me they looked over dramatic and like Elvis glasses. But I understand now: it is soul stealing protection. And damn if it doesnt actually work. People actually seek to look into your face here, into your eyes and challenge you, take from you or shame you by the second on the street. And they have a large case of envy as well as no fear of ethnic whites. NOW the only issue is people who try to vibe hunt you when the glasses are on...then I gotta take them off, they see I am not Mex or 'Anglo' as is typical here and are deflected immediately, most likely by that Italian look as well as whatever else is in my DNA that says "I dont give a shit, get out of my way, I am smarter than you. I have seen more shit than you. I have done more sh*t than you. I have been places youll never go-I travel. Yer screwed up social cues here mean shit to me. You meaning is lost on me. I am not typical female here nor am I the white you are used to." Works especially on men here as they seem to think that every female face they look into is going to submit. And its the most bizarre thing I have ever seen as its a constant dance here. Its the most nosy place I have ever lived in. I dont even think its normal. Everyone here is looking, literally. to another person for validation and that often means stealing someone elses sense of validation. Its totally f*cked.
And it creates a stress that northeastern people have never known before.
That is what I get for not having a working mp3 and sunglasses for a month or two. You'll go mad in that time. But I was into this guy and I guess just started feeling safe as well as wanted to experience my environment naturally...what a mistake.

Its like a subliminal circus (yes, you can steal that. I wont get far enough to use it. But I would if I could for sure. Awful isnt it?). It really forces one to lose focus. And use the N word alot, which I am not proud of in these last few months as well as have never used it as frequently as in this location. I am sure once I leave my venom will drop off in a less stressful environment. This country is really using the race war thing to divert us from what happened during Bush..isnt it great? More crap to deal with now.

I hold myself responsible for becoming a caretaker but I just look at the circumstances and I realize I would never have been with this guy unless out of this situation. He was very sweet however but he needs a nice Christian girl who wants babies and is chill. Still his underlying resistance to the system was attractive.

I asked myself what was I thinking and also what the hell am I doing here in this tent STILL in So Cal? I need someone who is commited as I am to fighting as well as travel with me. I also need someone a bit closer to my age probably. He seemed to know how bad being targeted was but didnt seem to expect as much fallout as there is from the damage thats been done over the years.

I also suspect that the minute I leave SD city limits its on again. I hope not seriously. I was so close to starting to put that books beginnings together. He was a good bodyguard. He kept obsessing over me getting my liver taken care of..I am still in suicide mission mode. I dont care anymore about that or even about my health at this point. My job is to get that thing done and just deal with the rest later. Its all that matters.
Things didnt get done fast enough for him. I cant deal with my emotional state as well as the mental PTSD thing as well as perform miracles getting set up here. Its performing a miracle just doing what I did get done at this point.

People may seem to understand our situation but there is no way for them to fathom totally the damage or the pressure we are still operating under much less functioning in such a way retaining much of that damage- walling it off daily. It takes up all of the energy that should have been used to create wonderful things at our Will or heal people through our life experience as elders in or later years.

It is one of the most sad things about this system. The damn waste of energy and talent and accomplishment.

And the people we burn through as we burn up, running towards our graves for eventual relief but trying to leave something behind before we go.
It all should have been more structured than this, more orderly and most of all much easier to live. We think someone is helping us but they either make us weak with 'love' so return to battle with chinks in our armor or we pull them into our nightmare.