MICROSOFT TRANSLATOR

Disclaimers

Please be advised that this written work of mine is only THEORY. It's theorizing, pondering and amateur research. I have no belief in anything posted here because if I did I would have had legal action taken by now-until that occurs this blog can only be considered theorizing.

Also it's obviously not clear enough to readers that I've put up a disclaimer for years that says I'm often sleep deprived when posting due to my lifestyle as a houseless Traveler (and my age as well as health issues). This should be taken into consideration when viewing my posts.

Monday, February 15, 2010

writing for today..some memories and a bit on religion

well get pissed off and write. I may be good at writing but I cant keep a job, get along with 'normal' people or stupid people (unless they are street people then they have to have some cool to survive like that) and I dont have a place to live or a business sense to save my life. Its not about everyone having the same resources, thats why DNA is all different. You have something I dont have- it must be. Also your doing whats called 'self censoring'. I did this alot when I was younger. Make yourself write and dont erase it. EDIT it. Then from there if you write enough you can learn to edit as you write with a small proofread at the end. I also do so out of necessity as I am writing sitting in front of a library using thier WIFI after hours with a bunch of homebums setting up camp for the night and I have to write while some guy talks to me about some street bullshit and I gotta talk to him so he is protection against the bums that would rip the laptop out of my hands most likey. Its hard to post AND talk about some bs with a half sane guy, often having to translate schizo speak in the process. Uh, its hard so out of necessity sometimes talents are worked harder. I always did that though. I used to write on napkins or in toilets, whenever it hit me. The only difference after being targeted 24/7 is that now I can write on my schedule not the muses. I am older now and as my ability to draw left me I found my writing skill came forward. Before the damage from the mold exposure and the targeting I was becoming very into studying math and found my left brain functions more accessable. As I deprogrammed I found I could write poetry (now older I was more open to being vulnerable), store it in my mental filing system, edit it, restore it and then regergitate it word for word. Of course this is why the system comes after survivors of programming- imagine those talents under one person's human Willpower as master programmer of their own programming opposed to trauma, codes, sequences internally as well as handlers and low level stalking and harassment externally controlling the person. Its something the perps seem terrified of, I think also everyone who kept the TI down for so long is afraid that they will be held accountable by that person. This is really one of the main reasons for going after the survivor when they 'wake up' and afterwards the gang stalking/behavior mod program: to make them forget about the 'assasination' that IS the gang stalking campaign so heavy handed when the survivor discovers the truth about themselves and thier situation. They are also scared I suspect that any human being in a modern society will discover the pure, raw POWER within the human brain, body and life force. If humans discovered this govts, religions, schools etc would have NO CHANCE against humans in thier primitive state. I now believe this is why its so important to keep humans down, especially through all the brainwashing throughout the lifetime of the modern human in either western cultures or Judeo-Christian society.

Judeo Christian society has it made. Christians are picked on publically and in the movies for laughs and Jews are still mocked privately due to PC. Yet BOTH engage in brainwashing, sexism and the insanity in believing in a diety that could be considered imaginary. It amazes my how much psychiatry wants to be validated now using intimidation, fear and drug dealing via big pharma, yet they do not attack religious belief as abnormal though it fits all the criteria for such a diagnoses. Psychiatry's biggest problem is that human society is usually for the most part clinically insane in its actions and beliefs and only some attemtps at logic, the logical among us or what is wired into humans to care for or assist thier fellow man keeps us glued together at any given time. Humans think they are so far from animals but they are not and the most scientific and logical (or people in the psychiatry world) thier only hope is to mask all thier ape-ishness under education and a professional demeanor. I always see it however, in fact I look for it, in the past due to being suspect of a world of betters keeping me down now that they have tried full force to destroy me and I know thier game, and many seem to know of me, I scan them for vulnerabilities just for amusement or experiment. Its all they deserve really, especially as I have seen how far this corruption goes nowadays. It seems our psychocivilized society is not enough and lab rats are always needed, perhaps they always were used for thier purposes: the poor, the vulnerable, the uneducated. As usual f*ck them. The overeducated, the professionals, the better thans the haves, our betters, the upper classes or whoever else engages in behavior modification or human experimentation.
(I know I bitch about religious types and religion. I am not talking about the tolerant spiritual people nor the do gooders who have fed me from coast to coast and provided me with shelter. I am talking about those that call themselves Christian and have been selfish perps who seek an end result only for themselves or are in an insane crusade for thier God including harming anyone who does not believe as they do. I am also not too happy with Christians who seem obsessed with monetary affairs or use being faith based to scam in the non profits. THAT is intolerable but its one of the oldest cons around. In the shelter I am in people that talk rather sensibly sometimes go of into scripture or speaking of God as if its all his Will. And I have discovered where there is much talk of religion its most likely in the hopes there will be no talk of politics. Get my point? Its also strange for me becuz Catholic Charities may run the place I stay but back home Catholics are more like an ethnic group. You take care of other Catholics becuz thier family is Catholic and there is often never a speaking of 'God'. Its the way one acts or carries onself compared to the Jews or the WASPs or anyone else for that matter. Catholics of strong ethnic backround simply understand each other and our ways or ways we may be familiar with due to having Catholic families. Its like Jew or Isreali as culture even if one is not religious at all. Outside of the northeast I find Mexicans are the only Catholics that seem to be of this attitude. Its the whites in the southwestern US that seem like Christians moreso not Catholics. Christians have one thing that is VERY unsavory to Irish, Italian and perhaps Latin Catholics: they cannot seem to face the harsh realities of this world. That is what all the ritual is about in Catholicism like other ritualistic religions. Its about privacy. Any Catholic Charities shelter you stay in is going to provide a higher sense of dignity and a sense of privacy. There is a realistic understanding of the horrors of this world not the avoidance tactics of Christians. Nor the judgements either. There is a strong sense of the Self and of one's private moments with 'God' if you will. And due to these cultures being unafraid of female power and less connected to a King or Queen (dodgy area here I know) it seems like Mother Mary is a bigger figure than Jesus ever will be. Hes way too 'famous' with Christians and its creepy. I am all for individuals believing what they want for themselves so go for it. God in my experience isnt even a person like those dumb paintings. I have never seen a Catholic painting where God was depicted and that one where he is handing down knowledge via touching some mortal's hand like ET with a glowing finger is more a Masonic painting.
It just freaks me out when people quote scripture or talk like god is there dad or directing thier actons worse yet deciding outcomes. Its also laughable when perps used to go by a few years ago and say something about my 'god' has foresaken me and it would actually be directed at me. They were actually too stupid (and young) to understand dualism, nosticism, or anything outside of Judeo Christian culture. Now they come at me as Christians becuz they percieve me as purely Satanic. Thank you USA for teaching people to be limited in thier studies and treating anything outside of 'popular' religious belief as a curiosity or the occult. Made my job a HELL of ALOT easier. Ha ha. In my opiniin one should do according to one's conshuns and be as balanced as possible doing good by one's own Will and returning Evil by one's own Will.)

This one commenter on YouTube wrote me that there was a machine in existence that could see into the future and that I was going to do something without meaning to so I had to be gangstalked. This runs along the lines of the idiot in Buffalo NY who basically told me I was going to be the next Hitler as well as Howie from NA this Irish guy who I suspect is mob..hes a scumbag, old guy. Real idiot, he came into the video store I worked at in the late 90's and gave me this old hard to find book on Hitler - it was a psychological profile done in 1930 or 33 and predicted that he would suicide most likely by gunshot though he may be too cowardly to do so himself. I was to young and newly clean to see much into it then but as all that scumbag crime crowd from Watertown Narcotics Anonymous helped Jake and whoever else get rid of me, I looked back and recall that Howie really wanted me to focus on Hitler killing himself. Its interesting that a comment on YouTube as well as that perp in Buffalo are intimating a Hitler like outcome for me, validating my demise of course. The perp in Buffalo working at that hotel was as you recall, someone who I reverse interrigated and found he had been put in jail prior for statutory with a 13 year old. One thing you can bet on with the hardcore perps, the ones who like to manipulate female Targets, especially ones who have been mind controlled in the past, is that they are into kiddie rings. There is always some clue like the pics they keep in thier computer or info they leak by accident about thier past or even thier behavior. They probably come from pedophile families anyway.

Hitler..I always wondered how that would work if all I wanted to do was council women and do small art projects on the side. Personally I think its utter bullshit and I think its more about some hatred of my family perhaps both sides (which I am going to execute no mercy on anyone who is messing with me due to my family as all they did is HELP my family by getting rid of me for them. YOU who hold my family connections against me are going to suffer the most and writing can cut like a knife.) Why would people help my family if they supposedly hate them as an exuse for coming after me. Yer stupid thats why. How many more useful idiots am I going to find in this plot as I recall and look over the puzzle pieces? Either that or its all excuses to destroy me by a large group that is including my family and each faction has to make it look like they simply hate the other.

I can kind of tell my family wants to get rid of me by saying shit like "There is no guarentee THEY will stop following you" and turning on me after that trying to suggest I "have a mild case of what Danny has". They are so incredibly f*cked up and stupid..which is why they have to sell someone out. There was always this typical Irish Catholic secret admiration of Edgar my grandfather for being a perpetrator or violence in the family, secretive as he was about it, and it was especially distasteful coming from my grandmother who one sensed had no remorse about what her husband did. And my uncle's connections were always secretly prized. Out of all the people in that family I now see my grandmother was the worst. Ed was just a sick f*ck and really couldt help himself probably, but Anna had a certain awareness about what was happening and when she lied it didnt seem like when Ed was lying, as if he really believed in a childish way, his own cover stories. She KNEW and that's what was so annoying about her. Really deep down my grandmother behaved like a sociopath quite often- always finding ways to keep others down so she could have all the power. Everything from sabotage to central control...I wonder if SHE ever worked for covert forces and we never knew it.
It was tough watching my mother, often a warrior but in the end she would always revert to denial in exchange for security, watching her be manipulated by my grandmother. She used all the tactics that perps use: sabotge, stalking, spying (going through her possessions and clothing drawers at 50 years old?My mother would rationalize this "She's looking for chocolate". Why should she be controlling my mother's eating at all?But of course she will do everything to sabotage her efforts to lose weight as well..why? BECUZ ITS NOT ABOUT ANYTHING BUT POWER. MY GRANDMOTHER ENJOYED A POLITICAL TYPE OF POWER OVER OTHERS.), manipulation, sniper like attacks of information, denial....all of it. She enjoyed thinking she was still that secretary for the generals in the Marines years ago. She used to secretly put down my grandfather as a country hick from New Orleans, favor my uncle over everyone in the family, and treat my aunt pretty much like she was really stupid and easy to push over. Anyone not easily controlled she would put the manipulaiton on like my mother. I recall once that there was talk around me about the old disco days concerning my aunt and I said to my grandmother "Dont you remember that you used to make them brownies when they would come home stoned, back in the disco days?" as my mother thought this story was very funny as Irish catholic mothers were not supposed to do approve of this sort of thing. The reply I got as she leaned over me to look at something, in her sometimes masculine body language was typcical denial " I dont know dear I dont know anything about it" in her ever so slight remnance of a the Irish brougue that was her mother's.

This switching around truth and reality was a habit in my mother's family and its why I have survived the deceptions of gang stalking as well as why my mother and grandmother failed so miserably when it was on the line to gas light me. Part of me wants to think that my mothers screw up was her only way of letting the parent remaining in her save her child. Some part of her knew I was smart enough to see through such a mistake...the system had her so corrupted it was..unatural. I sat next to her once in 2003, right before suicide sequence #1 started to run, she had brought me to the museum of science. Whatever the system does to her-gang stalking or whatever they use to keep her in line outside of the harasssment I have seen in the past, whatever they were doing to her she started to turn into someone I didnt recognize anymore. Any doe eyed femininity she had was gone. She had this wonderful look at times, outside of the dark death mask look- as if she harbored in her death itself, this innocent and extremely feminine facial expression sort of like Dorothy from the Wizard of OZ...if she was European. My mother had a very sultry European beauty Dutch most likely that is very envied and hated in America for its sensuality and its sexual undertones. America is forever stuck in a cycle of what an ideal woman should be and it always involves sanitizing what is European sophistication or primitive supernaturual female powers. America respects women that are acceptable to them only the USA will never grow up and respect all women or women who possess qualities that European men are comfortable with. Who has time for living and enjoying when you are still busy building a country over a mere 400 year or so history? Americans are too concerned with thier young nation: its future, its growth its survival and thier place in it. For the rest of us born here its a bore and for many third wavers in the last 20 years the urges to go back the the homeland have been very strong. In many ways its really never been fully welcoming of us and its not our home, plus after finally looking hard at the native issues its difficult to look at it as anything but stolen land and a big lie. ESPECIALLY now.

My mother had become a bit cold and hateful, she always was hateful but it came out as rage, aggression. Now it seemed like all her life force had been taken out of her and she was left with a shell. I sat next to her and at this time in our lives it was hard for her to not be overtly jealous. In years past she could be so at moments but this time she seemed to be doing it out of compulsion. I now realize that over time the stalking, harassment and targeting with weapons (especially the psychological warfare) can create in a person a perp like reflex to others. This is somethinhg that you have to actively prevent from happening or else the system will have the ultimate goal of making the victim into a hater as well.
We measured our heartbeats on this machine. She is 6 ft 1 and I am just 5'8". Of course her heart beat came out slower, longer.. the sounds and rate of a bigger body's heart. Simple. She turns to me and starts saying that my heart sounds and rate are "more dainty" and all this other bs. She always had this jealousy around me being more feminine or smaller in size but she would use me being short as a dig. Saying I am "fragile" and "vulnerable" as a teenager. What teenage girl isnt? In my family I was called "the midget" cuz I am only 5'8" and my grandparents and all thier children are 6 ft to 6' 10" and huge. Funny as that is (OK its funny) it's stupid. I think I shut her up by mentioning "wouldn't it be interesting to see what Anna's heart looks like on here?" due to my grandmother being one of her main worries during her recent heart troubles. She backed off and I sat next to her, I donty recall if she was talking or not all I know is that I believe I sat on her right and I felt my mother next to me. As I did I sensed a coldness coming from her, a coldness coming from a shell. It was the worst feeling of my life, worse than anything stemming from my own situation. I had never felt that eminating from her body before..something was seriously wrong.
What had changed? The war, Bush in office, my grandfather died in May 2002 (the original perp of that family) Patriot Act, anti terrorism, the Towers being a terrorist target.

When she dropped me off at 335 Washington st in Brighton that day I recall being at the elevator in the back hallway waiting for the lift to show up. The doors were clear and I could see my mother by the door in her car. When she waved to me I had the worst feeling of unease that I had had..well, EVER. It almost looked for a moment as if my grandfather..his essence his energy was part of her. In more fanciful terms, whatever 'possessed' him now did the same to her, wether it was her Will to be a vessel for that energy or not.
In the time that followed I would begin dealing with my first layer of suicide programming a 'thumbnail' if you will, that had been running as a memory very frequently since infancy. It was time for that 'thumbnail' to be clicked on, much like one does on a computer. With the info I read off the internet and whatever other help I recieved and still do to this day, I fought these layers each one with special challenges. WITHOUT THE ACTIVISM OF OTHER SURVIVORS OF PROGRAMMING AS WELL AS TARGETED INDIVIDUALS I WOULD NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT WAS PROGRAMMING AND I WOULD HAVE TAKEN TO THE COMMANDS OR GOTTEN COMITTED MOST LIKELY FOR MORE EXPERIMENTATION OR EXPLOITATION. My ability to tell my life time terrorizers to f*ck off is also very useful.

Around this time I also noticed that at my grandmothers especially my mother was displaying my grandfather's body language as well as a 'head of the household' air about her. She now sat in the chair he sat in at the small half sphere that served as kitchen table. The way she recievedd her plate from my grandmother, who now served her as she would a husband, was with the authority of a king. And I recall quite clearly that it was a show of arrogance especially for my benefit. She always enjoyed lording over me what little she had in life. The only real power she had was that I came out of her body giving me a special vulnerability to her. Over time she made sure she got more confident in taking his place and wud do what she always had done especially during my stepfather's presence in our lives which is to piss me off, stay calm and manipulate the situation when I would act out. So when I got nasty with her and stated in cold fact "As long as that old woman is alive, I have a place to stay" as my grandmother knew what a brat and a monster she was, how unfair she was to me. Often my grandmother was the only thing protecting me from my mother's attempts to destroy me and I took that for granted.
In reply to this she stated very snake like "Really? The house is now in my name" or its in the names of her and her siblings. Later my grandmother would say "I heard what you said about me"..my mother was doing exactly what she did during her marriage to my stepfather which is to press people's buttons, then manipulate the outcome, which is very different from my grandmother's more diplomatic and peaceful style of CENTRAL CONTROL of information, emotional rewards like love or approval, attention and a feeling (false of course) of exclusive intimacy with 'the queen'. My grandmother was very good at being a matriarch. My mother behaved more like the captian of the guard would. Her tactics were always 'strong arm' based ultimately obvious and overt. The difference between desperate people like my mother's family and real career criminals is a measurement of success mostly in worldy affairs. Its not so much if you can manipulate your own family, its what you can do with that in the outside world. I had a saying when I felt my mother swallowing up all that I was, my very existence: "My moother may be able to talk a dog off a meat truck but J. can talk a wolf off a meat truck." This would remind me that I had a life outside of this family and I had been protected by, fought with and rolled with the best of em for years of my life. That I had the life experience necessary to beat this bitch and her pathetic attempts at criminal minded plots. I applied what I do to everyone who is trying manipulation or intimidation: If they were that good they wouldnt be down here with me, they would have something to show for it." Always remember that, about anyone who tries to mess with you or even the perps. IF there were successful criminals they would have careers at it.
I could have been a criminal and quite good too, but my time under mind control or in programming didnt really allow for me to do much thinking along those lines or of my own Will. If anything I have a tendency to mindlessly recite the truth or events most likely due to being programmed as a couruier of information and having it be encouraged early on not to lie. I would lie to protect something in my programming or to stay safe but to be a career criminal..by the time I woke up from programming it was too late for that. Many career criminals seem to possess all the qualities of brilliant minds or even psychic qualities. I often believe that they are hateful of common people as they are bored with them and thier world due to average people not being able to keep up with them. Early on in life it creates an angry smart person, very hateful of humanity. 'So why not taek advantage of the suckers?' becomes the attitude.
My mother is hateful enough but she just isnt smart enough and really she isnt cold hearted and hateful. This system has made her that way. Years of the 'bad luck' that targets and survivors encounter. My grandmother once made comment "She has allotta bad luck"..give it a break at some point with the damn denial. The family is targeted, most likely mulitple victims of trauma based mind control and the point is to keep us down if not make us dead. I saw this photo of my mother when she was just a kid. She was in a long coat, she looked like a damn spy and she looked way too sultry, way too sexy for a girl of 11 or 13. Her high school pictures show that great bone structure she always had but her eyes they're huge. Her pupils are dialated and I dont think she had discovered drugs just yet. She looks totally unfocused- terrorized, scared. I just cant be that angry at a woman who has been battling all her life, so the system manipulates that? How stupid does the gang stalking system think we all are...very. This system depends on denial of their existence across the board, covert intimidation, terror and secrecy. They depend on targets being so brainwashed and traumatized that they are compartmentalized and live in denial. Once you wake up they come after you, effectively wipe out your existence and often try to build a new person with a new life. All to thier liking and thier benefit. Slavery plain and simple.

The only thing that stopped this 'lord of the manor' bizarre bahavior was my uncle and aunt not wanting her to muscle them out of inheriting the house. I always enoyed not giving a sh*t about family affairs. I always sensed being left out, scapegoated and due to me being Italian, to old school Irish Catholics deep down I was a n*gger in thier eyes. This is how bad the old attitudes towards Italians was....in fact speaking of Howie before in this post, he mentioned once that his wife (who looks just like my Dad's mother) and he couldnt get an easy time of marriage when they first started out due to him being Irish and her Italian. Knowing Boston there is probably some of that left.
Since I was left out then I had no need for thier petty infighting or battles. After my 20's I had seen too much of what wealth was out there, too many houses where I got lost simply going to find the restroom they were so big. I knew my family was petty, unwise, small time and not very bright about business affairs. It never made sense however, why they all had such 'bad luck' and failure in life, due to them all being tall, attractive and talented. Yes, my grandfather's behavior can cause a family to produce screw ups but there seemed to be something else. This is one of the quesitons that arose in my mind before I discovered the subject of programming. 'Why would a bunch of talented, tall people be such losers?' It did not add up. And why did my mother seek security from a family that still treated her badly? Why would she often say that accomplishment in life was not possible? Its like these boundaries existed for them but one couldnt see them outright.
I recall when I was heavily targeted by patients in a certain historically noted facility outside Boston, that they actually tried to intimate that my mother was a schizophrenic...oh so now its not just Danny any more? I guess they were desperate to just make everyone connected to my DNA look like they had passed something onto me. However I expect the idiots to mess with me and Danny is so far gone its easy for the system to write him off. Saying that about her is just cruel considering what the system and her own family is doing to her. The system is full of idiots who think if they make enough divisions among targets especailly breaking up families, then they therefore conquer. The TI must not only be mindful of this but continue to play hero perhaps for a lifetime being noble as this is what ultimately beats the system. If you focus on your own personal hatreds and vengence you will forget the big picture. My mother only deserves to suffer for being stupid and not brave enough to fight the system's brainwashing and I say she has suffered enough. Our betrayers are not the ultimate threat, its the sysetem that drives these campaigns to enslave everyone involved. Being human however you will hate the ones who betrayed you...think of it this way- they are weak. Some of the weakest, petty loathsome motherf*ckers on the face of the planet..if that isnt enough to boost your morale and keep focus then just look in the mirror and recall that you do indeed kick ass. For surviving this long, for even knowing its gang stalking and staying connected and informed. And if you do activism that is useful yourself then you really cause the system inconvenience as well as perhaps even help people stay alive to do the same. But remember, the system ultimately feels it decides who lives, who dies and what kind of life they have. Its a struggle living with that idea and through what many of us have seen it is entirely possible. What the system and all the gang stalking participants want I feel is for you the Target, to respect its power and thier power, not out of true respect but born out of fear. Just fear, fear and intimidation. This is what reeks of the power of the state or organized crime as the power behind organized stalking and harassment.

Anyway, as my uncle leaned on my mother she now again found herself being oppressed or picked on. Back then I just saw her as a two faced snake. I didnt understand that she was most likely targeted as well and indeed she is truly compartmentalizing alot of truama. She did what she always does which is to try to enlist my help after being mean to me for so long. I realized that family is so messed up no member will be satisfied until THIER little clan is the only one left standing. My uncle married on of those lower class type Irish, thge rougher ones, who are firmly attached to the idea of competition between family members and gaining the matriarch's approval. Its what she lives for. No danger of anyone from her womb being an artist or being affiliated in anyway with anything high brow or interesting for that matter. My cousin is the spitting image of Nanny (Sabina Ford) and its that DNA that makes her a gentic engineer. I suppose we needed Patty's type to bring about realistic worldly goals such as this. Thus the family seeks to re write its past and I am that past. They would do ANYTHING to make sure an expose didnt come out that was from someone credible.
I used to get pissed and say of my young cousisns that I would "blow thier little minds and break thier little hearts" simply by telling them the truth about the family's past. I stayed away from them in my 20's so as not to be sucked into playing servant to the great white hope my cousin (the gentic engineer) and when I started to ask questions and the gang stalking got heavy I saw that my grandmother made sure that my cousin was untainted my my presence or anything to do with me. I was the one to be left behind in the interest of a great future for that family...the great white wash, the re write. It seemed that many factions around me were going on to something bigger or better as Bush came into his true power after 9/11. The rewards that came to the betrayers I feel was part of this moving on/up process.

It ended with me basically not agreeing with my mother's version of reality and not wanting to join her in any assholedom towards my uncle.
If my uncle knew half the sh*t that b*tch put me through he'd be pissed. He was always a valuable asset even though it was discouraged early on NOT to go to him for anything. (I did this once as a kid and my mother after being on the phone with him said "He doesnt understand what you want from him. Hes wondering if you want a fatha figure" and she said it like I was being investigated for some crime or I was wrong or did something wrong.She also did it in the car in the middle of summer with these reflective cop/pilot glasses on she was so fond of. More drama, theatrics and power tripping.[She loves to get me alone and do her intimidation of me in cars. Hmmmm. OK the perp is in the drivers seat providing them with a sense of power. Also its HER car so more power. We are alone- more power. It is a small space hard to escape from..Gee do you THINK this woman grew up with a brutal raper of children or what?]
This is a family where my mother would tell everyone about anything I was doing and have the whole family be her enforcers even really personal stuff [this is a very nasty mind contol tactic to keep the person under control] yet I was not allowed to have allies.)
I recall once she was abusing me as a kid and gave me a bruise on my neck. I had to deal with her crying in the car on the way to my grandmother's as she realized what she had done. My grandmother kept saying "Oh honey I dont think its that bad". My uncle was in the kitchen and we were in my grandfather's den a small room near the proper fron door. She actually told me to go get her cigarettes for her..and to make sure that uncle Tommy didnt see my neck. As I went back with her Benson and Hedges menthol lights he caught me on the way back and tried to tickle under my chin callingh me kiddo. He really was a big loving guy when it came to family and children. I dont think he was ever into messing with kids, he was stand up kind. Hated diddlers all that real man stuff. It was so hard to deal with that. And this is the kind of responsibility I have had in that family, they treated me like a peasant for years most likely due to Danny. As favored as I seemed for being the first grandchild and all this bs, I was always beaten down, controlled and manipulated. My f*cked up friends in my 20's were better to me than my family was. In the end both as far as I know sold me out and only to gain for themselves.
For some reason during Bush and after my grandfather died my family started showing stress, weak points started showing in the structure. For my uncle and aunt to be so selfish as to only let my mother stay in my grandmother's house for a certain amount of years considering she has no husband and more health issues than they do(many from radium expsosure in the 50's documented) is very nasty but typical for that family. They both have houses and money.

Unfortunately for many targeted and abused people many will see this as my mother's just desserts. Many would be glad to see her suffer so much, that she is finally getting what she deserves. I myself have looked at her, lying in a lazy boy type chair stretched out finally resting, eyes closed and said to myself that such a creature may be better off dead. That it will be better for her when she is finally put to rest. This was years ago before discovering gang stalking or programming.

I now understand that this is what the system wants to happen they want these attitudes based on ignorance to be formed in relation to the survivor/target. Its easy to judge a TI when one cannot even imagine the kinds of things that go on in a campaign forget about trauma based mind control and programming.
DIVIDE and CONQUER. This is what the system does and its very effective to provide itself ultimate control over people and circumstances.

The worst part for me at that moment was not being able to interfere and help out. I had no power and I was just going into transition; a chrisylis type phase when if one deprograms one can actually reprogram and finally use all the energy and talent of a lifetime. Discovering one's Will and growing in power is what should have happened. It was just like the time the cops were magically ignoring her in Dracut when a petty gang member moved in with his mom above her and they made so much noise she had to move eventually. Strange usually those condo associations are really strict. Hmmmmmm. Yeah if you havent guessed the condo association ignored it as well. More 'bad luck' I assume? It was moments like this that I wished I had some muscle to help her. For all her arrogance and her being intimidating she really was this older broken divorcee who was forced to move in with her mother due to circumstances. In reality she had little power over her circumstances.

I think that this system encourages survivors to grow into peices of human garbage. I think they design it that way and engineer it to happen that way. I see that they take a persons control away from them over their own life even thier own bodies at a young age and insist on continuing this until the person is dead of old age.
For individuals of high intelligence or ability to be so down and out does not add up nor does it make sense for people to stay in such abusive circumstances. There has got to be an outside force in unison with whatever makes the person a 'screw up' internally. Its called gang stalking. And for individuals to be that important, that focused on and that held down they must know something, even if they do not recall that they do, that is very, VERY damning to legit authority.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Really as a TI, I'm finding that I'm shunned by a lot, and that there's a 99.999% chance that if someone DOES talk to me, he or she is an informant for "the State". Now we can't be sure what this State Sponsored bit means... it does look like the people behind gangstalking are part of some future global control. Forget about the Constitution and Bill of Rights... we are headed for a global Dictatorship by a bunch of SHALLOW Nazi criminal types/sickos. I'm not sure these types that are running this Global System of Control are even smarter than the average person. I'm sure there is some wealthy ancient family that is determined to rule the world that they think is theirs. Well they sure have enough gangstalkers going along with this.