Its 12:40 am in Boston. Of course my senses have fully returned, my circumstances seem normal again and I have returned to my sense of Self. This will end at approx 6am, 6 hours from now. One should not live thier life out truly only between the hours of 6 am to 12 midnight. A prison and we are supposed to go crazy inside of it until we reveal everything about ourselves to everyone in cyberland. Most likely to create and be part of this new world, where disconnection creates so much imaginary 'danger' in the minds of guilty men of power. Knowing everything about everyone, even if it destroys who they are as a total human being, is worth the price of constant 'people management' and interrogation.
Until all there is left is the information and nothing left of the person. I wonder if this information is so important as to create the best AI possible or some sort of other creation. To not be allowed to live normally during normal daylight hours and to be squeezed to death for information has got to be more than just the cost of powerful men's paranoia. Its most likely a way of ensuring that someone unsuitable for power, never gains any position of power becuz power is ultimately secrecy. Everything I post about myself, if I was so not denied a private existence, I could easily create a very interesting existence for myself just on the info I have access to from internal programming as well as life experiences. Whatever is happening right now, people like myself seem a threat that must be managed.
I recall once a woman who obviously knew some of my situation, looking at me drawing. I have seen this look before a few times and its this look that says a few things:
-this girl is incredibly intelligent
- this girl must be kept from knowing how intelligent she is and what value that has
-this girl must be kept down
-this girl is kept stupid by circumstances that keep her controlled
-I enjoy the control that the situation and controllers have over her as it renders me powerful
-I am afraid
Its one of the creepiest things you will ever experience in a situation like mine. And then one thinks back to my father's supposedly insane claims pertaining to a secret govt project which includes my mother, her family, the military and the CIA. Then I recall my mother discovering she was a documented survivor of human radiation experimentation- which is connected to many sub projects that were 'secret' projects documented to be sponsored by the military and the CIA.
This is why I never fully believe things that come to mind that are not from my own recall directly connected to my own life in the here and now. All of the things I mentioned above could be just manipulative. Its been said by at least one survivor that the New Age movement is actually a disinfo campaign. That its run by covert factions connected to Dirty Tricks, social engineering and programming. So what should one think of past life memories in such a case?
I know I dont imagine feeling totally messed up until approx 12 midnight and I didnt imagine the psych warfare campaigns.
Its so obvious what is going on. Music the way its made now, the content as well as the tech like HD radio, its meant to create a comfy prison not anything where one can get energized. TV the content is just as hollow and if one looks at the difference between digital and the old VCR or VHS taped content there is a warmth to the analog. The human mind is too perceptive for these tricks. I know damn well I am watching pure numbers, my mind registers that. And its a joke when they do computer animation that is plainly NOT in real time with the actors presence- they dont even do a good job of pretending they are looking at something real.
My life is so opposite to that experiment I was going to try, living in only real time no dead time, not Pre Recorded Light and Sound Images. Its sad to think I will never know genuinely what that is like. Even if I did such a thing now it wouldnt be a true test. In fact the presence of whatever is so active in our society now as far as tech makes it totally compromised. I was even going to not use electric light. Imagine how peaceful that would have been. I had just learned to love being with myself after years of what most people would refer to tastelessly as 'a hard life'. Now I am being hounded until I give up any memory or any impression of who that person was or anything about that life or any of its content. Its like this system wants to create such a drastically new Self that my true and original identity is akin to a past life- one that I will not be allowed to remember once I give in to behavior modification totally.
It will never happen. I will hold onto my true Self even if it burns my mind out completely. All that I write in these blogs and all that I recall is mine. I wont bury it for anyone or any force.