Lately its been alot of the idea of when am I going to realize my potential is over?When am I going to get comfortable and accept what and who I ahve become or the way things are? Along with alot of not being able to recall simple things,lots of memory problems.
And those ideations I just mentioned, those feelings, they stopped just like that tonight. I could barely think but I had the sense to look at my clock and it said One Two Zero Zero. 12:00 midnight exactly.
I understand now. That poster was correct in they called the metro Boston area a "toxic city". But for me getting anything done here is validating and healing considering I was screwed so bad into losing so much. This place still holds me capitive in time..and that apartment in Brighton, that old Mason Hall I lived in on Washington St, it literally holds my spirit. A piece of me is held captive there. It must be returned or at least released.
Ever since I found place to get substantial work done been hit like this and its getting worse.
Tonight old guy sat down next to me in front of Harvard Yard while I was on stone bench finishing work on blog, I was just off bus. He started harassing me but I doubt if it was gs. It was typical antogonist from this area. Talking about how messed up Bush was and saying "I bet your old man owns lots of property around here" and I was not someone that should be taking up half a bench. It was just some crazy guy. I really wanted to say I sympathize sir but I am busy, tried to ignore him. Eventually I just laid it out. Raised my voice to him, told him if hs sat down to harass me he can leave and when he went to answer, curtly responded I didnt want to hear it. Ended conversation.
Since it was NOT gang stalking, I actually got to defend myself, be heard, not be outsmarted or outmanned or played mind games with to feel powerless and someone actually ceased and dissisted when I defended myself.
After I walked away, he had gone before me, I felt humanity return to me. Something I havent felt in years, becuz I screamed at someone and it had an effect. I felt my sense of privacy return as well as my centeredness. My human dignity.
IT made me realize just how messed up this system of gs really is and how the tactics are designed to make a person feel powerless, helpless with no control over thier lives.
ANd it does break people down. ANd the purpose does indeed seem to be interrogation or to gain confession or at least see what is inside the person, whats under thier in layers.
But its not legal nor necessary to do htis to me so I tell what I know about anyone that was in my life. That is an excuse to use MK ULtra methods on someone they know was programmed. Anything that I could testify to should have been gotten by a subpeona or they could have gotten it themselves.
It so obvious its just to destroy or to prove that MK Ultra methods work.
Its also the purpose of all this to make the target believe that everyone in the world knows what is happening, just no one cares. That is fatal to the target. If that were so then why is it so covert and with so much sneaky shit pulled to make it work? and why did Reagan have to recall his public stance on wanting to implement these tactics and tech into prisons and mental health field in order to get elected due to public outcry over doing such a thing in this society. So they do what they always have ..they just go ahead and do it sneakily.