Here is a piece I wrote earlier. Its in wordpad and I dont know enough about it to understand how to make the breaks and paragraphs transfer to blogger while copying it so yer gonna haveta deal with an ongoing paragraph.
After this I am pretty sure I am done writing. I want to discontinue writing. I dont think a book is possible. The torture I recieved in Jamaica Plain tonight near the MSPCA (where I wrote this piece) was just too much. Along with my health conditions as well as something here in Cambridge that has permeated the area, a nasal thing that makes one's eyeballs feel as if they are being tortured from the inside (of course when one leaves the area for most of the day one feels better. I came back and I feel it again. I did not want to get sick due to not bieng able to take medicine due to just about everything puttingme into mild begining stages of anaphylaxis. I just cant do this anymore and if I cant be consistent with a plan for suicide maybe its worth it just to ghet sick and have the docrotrs not belifve me, they wont believe me i know they wont then they'll give me antibiotocs then i will have an attack and i just dont care anyore. I cant get to a doctor. I am unable to get medical care- i just cant get myself to go anymore. Its gone too far. I was so terrorized by medical staff especially here that I am conditioned by fear to not even try to get medical care anymore.
Its over. I tried as hard as I could as long as I could and I just cannot get back what was supposed to be mine. But nor will I allow them to destroy me just to break me down. I promise anhyone who is listening that I will not have a break mental or otherwise just to end up in some program or facility where htey can get a hold of me and re make me so I dont even believe what aI know happened to me and I wont let them remake me into a good citizen in society, a normal person who is average. I want to ensure that I die first. I know my mother is behind this to prove she's better and stronger than me and I know that everyone wants me under conrol and silenced as they have been used to having me under control all my life so they couldnt bare to lose control of me so they had to destroy me instead. I guess I could write some sloppy confession of who did what instead of a book but see they want that too and I wont give it too them.
What my mother and everyone else wants is for me to be broken down- to break what they call 'spirit'. Its ridiculous really to insist on doing something like that but she has been trying to do that all my life and it doesnt surprise me that she would get help to try to get that done at some point in my life- to finally get what she wants.
She has lots of help now and many people in this system hide the behavior modification, the satanic ritual abuse as well as the human experimentation and its connection through my mother being a radiation experimentee- to MK Ultra. They want me to be like danny my father so that hides whats been done. I dont quite understand how she went from someone that was intimidated out of going to the Presidents Advisory Committee to someone who seems to be in on this....I just dont understand that part of it. One day she seemed like the victim and then within 10 years she seemed have joined the very people who intimidated her. Bragging about having a military credit card as well as saying things to me like "I am very interested in the way your mind works" when most of what has been done to me is psych testing and seeing how I react to things constantly....it never stops. Ever and I cant take it anymore.
I dont think I will make a very good crazy person becuz as of losing it tonight the cops and a store manager were right on my ass trying to catch me doing something and trying to get me to react. I just gave them the finger behind thier backs. I will not tolerate this system driving me insane and then when I snap and look like I am totally out of it I get fucked with MORE due to them percieving that as time to move in on me.
FUck the system and fuck all these people who support my enemies like all the people who sold me out. I will go someplace where I can lose my mind in peace and as soon as possible try to suicide.
I was thinking of cutting up my face to make people stop trying to normalize me and forget about the torture and abuse of the last years- maybe if I look f*cked up then they wont demand that happy ending from me anymore. If I dont look socially acceptable.
See they want me silenced. So they keep controlling my life until I either snap and they get me into a jail or an institution where they REALLY alter you in ways that you cannot come out of. I would be a totally modified person then and not probably recall what really happened and thats if I didnt die in one of those places- they all hate me THAT much believe me. The police hate my guts for beating this system and doing the right things by standing up for whats right and making thier fascist, spoiled rotten , corrupt union asses look like the pieces of shit they all really are especially htose bastards during Romney and Bush. They ruined my life, whoever was in charge or on the take in D-14, Brookline and Cambridge and I will die with curses for them, thier children and all ALL of thier descedents. What do they care? The police run the USA alongh with the rest of the corrupt system. They are out of control due to Bush, Homeland and all that convention money pumped into them during Romney/Guliani. They are monsters. Absolute monsters and they probably will think that is way cool to be described that way. They love that shit. Becuz they are sick fucks and I hate them all. I cant wait to die and go somewhere whre there are no cops. Safe from corrupt authority and thier fucked up criminal friends and the rich white men who run our world into the ground. Oh and fuck the military as well. You can all go fuck yoursleves I am outta here.
By the way I am NOT giving you any fucking confessions either. Becuz that is what you want or you wouldnt be torturing me to death or into a stupor. Drop dead. You cocksuckers all of you, you want me to confess to prove your sick MK Ultra system works even it if KILLS me which you are hoping it does. Or you are hoping I confess to prove your system works and then I will be all squeaky clean inside like a good little woman should be in your new world order, which I have noted is very much a man's world and creation. It makes the 50's look like a bra burning at a sit in. Ike didnt warn us it would be a f*ckin sausage party when the military industrial took over our fucking lives. But what else could it be?
Thats all they understand. Becuz its all they are.
I will not confess information you already know just so you can prove your system works if you torture someone long enough and then act as if you did them some sort of favor like cleansing thier soul.
The day a bunch of males gain control over MY soul or control the state of it is ineed the day I should take my own life, by my own bloodied hand, with my mouth firmly sealed shut.
Go fuck yourselves.
No bunch of men who, really behind closed doors I have found are mostly faggots anyway when it comes down to it, and that is how they run the world, ARE GOING TO TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE, MY DEATH, THE STATE OF MY SOUL OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.
Men in general can go straight to hell and screw themselves and then drop dead. Cops, CIA, DOD, all the military, politicians, govt, criminals, black, white, any creed, religion or color. All you fuckers are pink under the suits and I can tell you that for sure. Your all the fuckin same and to demand I lose my life experience to get me under control is another pathetic move on the part of this very fascist, sexist overbearing authority we have in place here.
In fact just watch the Boys Town thing again. Watch it very carefully and listen to the boys testimony. That is the way our leaders conduct their private lives and I believe them. Scum. ANd that is all connected to MK Ultra, programming, money laundering, sex rings both child and adult.
You cant stop this. There are too many sick f*cks that need ritual abuse victims for life and also need sex slaves they can just destroy and silence whenever they feel life it.
And no mother fuckers are going to turn me into some kind of Christian fuck just becuz they figure its a nice neat happy fucking ending again with that bullshit, and it makes the system look good as well as makes thier consciences feel better. No one is going to torture me into some religious choice which I would not have chosen Willfully. You can all go drop dead.
I want justice and I wnat it NOW. I want you to pay me for all the damatges. I want the Pettitis dead in a car wreck. I want my mother's house on fire with her and her evil manipultive mother inside. I want Julie's business to fold and I want Sheldon to take all her money and then die in a fuckin drunk car wreck.
And her little Boston University professor bitch friend who did those PR books for her, I wish she would choke on every single lie in those books that made that cunt Julie look so wonderful as well as made either of them money off of the backs of real working girls- as usual the elite again have to have slaves. Jeanette doesnt deserve tenure- she needs to have those pearls she tries to pull that Chanel look with wrapped around her throat a few times, another bitch who needs to get her karma but the system would rather destroy ME instead.
And for all the nice people I have heard from from Harvard U, I am sorrry but I dont trust that place still. To this day the worst harassment I recieve is from Harvard U cops who can also drop dead. Like tonight the tatooed freakazoid who they have guarding the Au Bon Paun or whatever it is. They are like little boys trying to get attention from mama or some girl by antagonizing me tonight. Then the cop who looks like Mr Roughtrade comes in and says they close at 2 but I gotta be outta there before 2 and stands there, much the way you can tell he has a thousand times with his back turned, probably while boys get raped in prison or some other fucking horror. That one was just short of going off. This old black dude was like goofing on him with me saying he was harassing me and wanted me to go off. I told the nice old dude that I knew that and Mr Tattoo was just shy of being a too tightly wound spring that had to go off soon and I was NOT going to be the one to light that fuse. Its the fucking foreigners that own all these businesses around here. They have this problem with poor whites like they are back in north Africa or India. Listen Chute, go back there and starve. Stupid, extremely stupid. But very smart on the part of the white elitist assholes that run this motherfucker. More house slaves to handle thier 'problem' whites or poor. They are so just the same New Englanders that sold rum and bibles for slaves and somehow that was better than what they did down south. I now understand that Yankees suck the hardest our of anywhere else in the USA and my lifestory is living proof of thier continued slavery of human beings. They just think that if they pull it off sneaky like good Yankees that its all good.
Yankees all believe that they are definately smarter than you. And those of us Yankees that are poorer than they- and from 'bad' families that deseve to be treated this way (which means our grandparents didnt have the money to pay anyone off or keep shit quiet is all that means. Or like, my dad didnt work for the Newton teachers union while allowing me to deal drugs out of my house- which is a good family its just how yer percieved by the neighbors and how much money you have or your position. THAT is what makes a 'good' family. Which is all bullshit but New Enland likes bullshit. Without it, being intelligent people they would have to actuallly apply all that liberalism and morality to themselves and the way they conduct business instead of dishing it out to the rest of the country while sneakily running corrupt systems themselves. And then having Marky Mark and those 2 other Hollywood used to be's from here join him in a string of shitty movies about Boston and NY. Wahlberg has a third nipple- barf bags anyone? Or is that supposed to impress us in some Satanic way? Wahlberg as well as those other two can all go fuck goat heads as far as I am concerned. Gone Baby Gone sucked ass with that pedo creep old black actor who is now with that all grown up 13 year old he was boning for years. All self righteous jerks and ANYTHING from Hollywood is totally untrustworthy. Their attempts nowadays to be sneaky are as stupid as thier audience has become over the years. In your attempt to dumb down the nation, you obviously accidentally got affected as well.)
Anyway, I cant leave this area I have tried and why bother? If I cant make it right here and get justice for myself then what is the point of running off to other places? Every place I go I just keep thinking about the injustice HERE. And I keep thinking I should get a lawyer but like the medical thing I just cant. I have been conditioned to not go.
And the torture was so bad tonight. It was the worst yet. I looked retarded by late tonight. Magically though, all of a sudden the effect stopped. Just like that I felt better.
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK I SAW WHEN I GLANCED UP AT MY CLOCK ON MY COMPUTER? YOU GUESSED IT 12:?? AM. Wtf?
I have been stuck trying to figure out some horrid computer problem all day long and I was like a vegatable I was so targeted. It was like it turned me into this imbecile. I almost started beating myself again but I have mastered the ability not to do that..and that only happens here in Boston.
If its confession
they want then if they get it I will make you a promise. I will either pick someplace where they deserve someone to go postal once they pull confession out of me like Pine st inn, where those dirty bitches all practice the worst abuse of targets I ahve ever seen and the most overt racism and get away with it. OR I will chose one person to go out suicide with..a surprise guest if you will. It wont be anyone personal to me bexuz when it comes to Jake, Julie or my bitch mother I can ever fugure who I hate more for totally turning thier backs on me and betraying me. I would be pissed if I just took out one of them and not the other two. Besides, Jake and my mother I would love to ring thier necks for what they did- they are the bigest cowards, both living with thier mothers while I always did anything I had to to be independant. I hate them both more for thier weakness than thier actions. Julie...shes a bit of a different story. Probably the most dangerous of the three as she is the most valuable to the system with the most sensitive information on important people, however she DID try to warn me a few times as well as of all those 3 I can see her making a necessary business decision that includes 'silencing' someone. My mother did it out of power tripping and Jake did it for the same reason as well as both thought I was weak and stupid. Julie always knew I wasnt stupid so at least I can hand her that much. Though if she was a friend she could have really warned me outright, but I always knew that we were both wolves and one day it would come down to this, her teeth being much more deadly than mine. My mother and Jake are two losers who lived with thier parents who could afford to be mean to me becuz they had the back up of thier families and thier homes they grew up in. THAT is an unfair advantage and I want them to pay for that dearly. Its unecessary cruelty and very unbusinesslike to go that fucking low on someone. It would have been more professional to just have me killed, which of course they didnt do becuz for them it was about ego, jealousy, powertripping and other shit that makes it PERSONAL not busineness.ALso Julie's mother is a shit no matter how much money she gives her. Her life has not been easy and even though she is evil she is at least working her ass off everyday and taking alot of risk, whereas those other two are petty assholes who's mommys allowed them the luxury of fucking someone over who was not in as advantageous position as they were in.
Business I can see wanting or needing to get rid of someone. But Jake and my own mother went too far for not enough good reason and really they did it becuz they were spoiled. ALso its interesting to wonder as to why thier mother's spoil them so. What dirt do they posess that could make women be so indebted? I know what my mother has on her parents but...I stopped trying to figure Brenda out a long time ago. She is just a typical Jewish mother in her DNA even though they converted to whatever southerners converted to years ago to try to stay on the downlow down south. Protestantism I am sure.
Its hysterical that much of the white supremesists that were involved actually thought I was Jewish and were harassing me with direct content of that but Jake looks like Mr Nordic Anglo guy, but he's the Jew. If I ever get in the presence of any of those idiots I am going to personally laugh in thier faces for that f*ck up. BRILLIANT you morons. And he ended up in Hollywood where he belongs I guess.
Good one guys. So St Loius MO is has the stupidest white supremist group alive I guess, or they are the dumbest racists alive...thinking I am a Jew. They really should all have thier balls crammed down thier own throats for that one...by REAL supremists who hate idiots. I told this dude in CA a bit about it, a reformed nazi who still has all his tats. He didnt have nice things to say for the screw up and how it was handled.
Well I should post my piece but it wont do any good really. Tomorrow at 6 am the torture begins anew and as usual it gets worse here at night just like every other time I can recall coming back here, until it stops at midnight. Same program here in the same location just like last time. WHen I leave it will cease and the next location will have its own timing and style for me as a target.
Thats the thing. I cannot go on thinking about the next town, the next city and still being targeted just in a different way- with a different formula. All I can depend on is that I can predict from documentation what each location is like, but rarely can I use that information due to me just not being able to keep it together enough to use it as intell to prep for a trip TO that particular location. I can at least use it to gauge my own sanity or preserve it.
Why did I just get a mental image of my hands being black on the keyboards ( I am now outside, its dark out.) Dont think so mother fuckers. I am white and I am going to die that way too. I will leave the USA to die somewhere whiter than snow if I have to. I cant tell if the blacks want me to consider myself like them or if the whites just hate me so much they consider me as unimportant as a black..either way I cant pay attention to what either side thinks. Poor whites are being wiped out especially up here in this area. Its a crime to be poor and white- unless you hide in southy or join the ghetto ranks. Its considered racist to be poor and white but not want to be like or hang with ghetto blacks, and everyone is so intimidated by the threat of being called a racist that they lose all their pride and start doing really sick shit to themselves. Poor whites are trained up here to hate themselves, I mean in Cambridge and Boston. Its disgusting really.
I dont particularly care what any race, class or gender thinks of me. I have to be sure that no matter what I preserve what is ME the individual. That seems to be the one thing they dont want to survive.
I want Boston to pay dearly for what they are doing. Sometimes I get this impression from somewhere that they are going to pay for how they are conducting themselves right now, and other times I just see the city or its buildings in rubble like an earthquake or something is going to make this place not matter very much anymore soon enough so I shouldnt worry about what they are doing to me now. Something keeps telling me that and it comforts me, which may be its purpose- I hope its genuine and not just a tactic.
Here is the Piece I Wrote Earlier:
The more I am forced to confess under conditions like this, namely torture, instead of in the safety of a trusted therapist's office with a safe place to sleep at night, I find with everything I disclose that is personal that should not be disclosed, that any part of me that is good or has any love for humanity dies. With each piece of infomration I am raped out of, I hate humanity more and more. I wish to see it destroyed, and harbor an intense hatred for human beings.
I encounter more stupid smirks here. One of the dumb little b*tches from the Boston scene, Amy Mann, notoriously 'diffucult' and a one trick pony at that, wrote this totally obnoxious album called "@&*$# Smiler's. It was so overt to anyone being targeted due to all of us pretty much having in common claims and descriptions of the perps smirking as a twisted part of psychological warfare. Oh, my ex also did some video or something for this album, he's hte one who helped smear me, then got out of all charges for being caught with large amounts of drugs twice in one month, then went on to work for a member of Aerosmith.
The album's writing resembles a person privvy to a bunch of target's stories. Her last concept album shit the bed basically so its time for something with sure sucess I assume. She also wrote a song on the album about a woman who gets kicked out of her status position by a community, specifically I recall something about 'isnt it hard that the men no longer hold the door for you' or some sappy bs. All I can say is thank the gods for black metal and me being smart enough to sh*tcan anything coming out of the American media in those years.
Saw photo of her. Scrawney, blonde and with those squinty eyes that most truly successful show biz people have. Says 'bitch'--but a weak one. Which is the most dangerous kind of b*tch really. She needs to stab a person who is down to get that true feeling of success.
I dont need anyone singing or writing about me thank you very much. These were all hoped to be songs to accompany my death really. Its so...smug. Another blonde WASPy or Jewish asshole assisting Jake or Julie in celecrating my most certain death. I encourage you to hold yer breath honey, cuz I aint goin nowhere until the dirts been delivered and the laundry hung out to dry. Tell Hollywood to f*ck off and kiss my ass, and that includes all of Julie's disgustingly connnected 'friends' and associates who watched if not helped me to be destroyed to cover thier own asses or just for the fun of it. Its how they act towards women they feel are subjegated anyway, so whats a death by covert warfare?
Also no matter how much you morons twist a now sober and easily shaped Jacob into the disgusting Hollywood sleaze bag you have helped turn him into, I have memories of a man with a real soul- who he of course couldnt wait to get rid of . On his MySpace the only photo that even looks like the man I was in love with is on there, and he disses himself by the caption "The sensitive artist". He is dying to seal the deal of destroying that old self, the self that had any involvement with me, which is so terribly embarassing. What should be embarassing to him is how f*cked up his own personal problems were. But like a good...whatever like what he really is genetically he is going through an ancient ritual from the deserts of biblical times in which he is putting all his crap on a scape goat and when that creature dies, so will his old Self he wishes to no longer be haunted by.
I dont allow YOUR rituals to control me nor do I intend to let a bunch of spineless rich kids f*ck me over so they can try to bury the fact that their families are totally screwed up and that was the source of their own personal weirdness as well as being f*ck ups.
So a bunch of little rich jerks as well as the Boston police are going to try to drive me insane as well as destroy me to show the world how powerful they are. Its not hard to destroy someone that vulneralbe. What they were working with to gain thier power from me is how attractive and outspoken or opinionated I was, whatever they focused on to divert from Jake being a drug dealer and Julie a big time career criminal. And the public are so stupid that it actually worked.
It got so bad, so wrapped up in the corruption that was being pulled off during the war and the attitude that the cops could get away with anything due to 9-11 anti terror drama, it got so ridiculous that after everything the cops pulled here during that time, there was actually a tv show put on that was about the Boston Police and how great they were and how much better they were than other parts of the country. It went off the air soon after, probably becuz someone thought it was so much in bad taste considering what was REALLY going on and the innocent people who had been scapegoated or played fall guy for the cops and thier mob cronies (who all retired to Florida comfortably, with lottery scam money of course). People can only take so much bullshit before they start to vomit due to how disgusting it gets.
And this is the actions that people within gang stalking campaigns celebrate. This is what security guards, other cops, social service workers, college students, common people- THIS is what they think is cool and fun to experience. You have no idea how many assholes exist in the USA and especially Boston. No idea. I even had no idea until the powers that be here decided not only had I become inconvenient but I was deemed expendable a long time ago anyway.
And the laughs may be over, the curtain closed on that show but its victims are scarred for life to live in a daily living hell of torture and experiencing horrors over again day after day. What people dont understand is that what they saw was a campaign of torture most likely perpetrated by similar authority as any other program of torture in the US and sponsered by the US abroad at that time in history.
Now I see more hanging heads than smirks or people acting like its a fun ride to watch someone be destroyed..that somehow does not help me with the brain damage from mold exposure that could have been made more comfortable but was made much worse by the stress of gang stalking.
What is disturbing, is people who are in this area who seem to smile at me on contact as a form of handling me. Its just more assistance to the gang stalking system. You are still going along with what went on. It may be hard to believe but it seems that there are more inhumane, twisted, sick people out there in population but they dont show themselves or thier true nature to just anyone. They are so cowardly that you have to be victimized beyond belief (and beyond what laws are supposed to allow in the US) for them to think you are so powerless that you cant do shit about it anyway. And who is going to believe you? Many of the worst examples were people in the medical field. They think no one is going to touch them. They also might very well be aware of a TI's status of human experimentee. And we have seen the track record of the US with that subject, especially Boston. This place is so sick and they hide it so damn well with sports, the hospitals, the colleges and everything else. Thier asses are so covered here.
At this point I can safely say that Boston is one of the worst cities for the darkness that is over our world right now..or its very Satanic or whatever you want to refer to it as. Its totally saturated with that energy, that element and the forces that bring such darkness into being. Something went horribly wrong along the way somewhere. Boston was always a little f*cked up and rough but I have never seen it this evil. I mean I guess I didnt see the evil that was inherently within the system here..but there is something different about it since the war, since 2002 or so. Something very very VERy f*cked up that is not as I recall the vibe of this place being as such before. It was always a cold city, competitive, snooty and very serious about its money. Dead serious. But there is something else now present, something...limiting. Something that holds the city captive. I dont believe its only due to my worst experiences here or the harshest betrayals. There is a presence here and it accounts for many people not wanting to live under that or its effects, that have left Boston or the northeast alltogether. Perhaps the ritual sacrifice at ground Zero and Boston's part in that has something to do with it.
Building a mosque there....its all so ritualistic. Trying to balance the energy of such pure evil that now saturates this area of the country with more symbolism. Thats the whole purpose of thier archetecture. To contain and direct massive energies. Synmbolism does just that.
Its sad what has happened to the USA. Not just 9-11 but all the evil that seemed to accompany it. So many willing participants in all that went on and continues to. And the public doesnt even see who severe it is. Its pretty accurate to make a comparison to 'opening the gates'.
5 hours ago