TI tired

"Oh! I'm sorry Rachael. Thanks for clearing that ... Oh! I'm sorry Rachael. Thanks for clearing that up. Sometimes I can be a bit obtuse. And thanks for blogging in general. It has been very helpful to me.

Thanks


Publish Reject (bitman) "
 
You realize that squatting  under a bridge  undisturbed by authorities or gangs or whatever along with it being spacious and having traveling kids there with me like a camp..for me that is the urban camping version of a good score like a hotel to most people. Its more sleep than I get in a shelter thats for sure..however one never gets enough sleep. And being a TI the damage from years of this leaves real rest just a memory.  Very few times can you feel safe enough to drift into that deeeeeep sleep where the body just rejuvenates itself and heals.. the system knows this is a side effect.
 
 So often times me being a female we get what our society calls a 'bitch' even though I have been pushed and am operating on primitive levels of war-mode.  Me being female in a repressive Judeo-Christian etc etc makes hard ass and bitch easy ways out for that society. So yes, I am going to snap and glorify in how smart I am and how quick I figured something out becuz..well thats all I do at top speed all day long. Hyper vigilance is not the best use of high intelligence..its a waste of high intel and the gang stalking system also knows this. That is why the gang stalking system operates the way it does. 
In my case it seems they want either suicide or for me to give up any hopes for the future outside of mindless conformity.

My vocational testing said I should be doing (1 dancer,2 painter, 3writer, 4detective/cop) at the top four and go for the petty shit listed on the bottom like 'clerk' or 'personal care assistant' something menial. 
Mass Rehab did this to me..they helped target me as I was trying to go to school. My councillor sucked so bad that I had to get one of the higher up people be my councilor. Then he kept trying to avoid those top choices (ok so I know I was too old to be a dancer..) and kept going for the lower menial stuff. It was odd thats for sure. The woman who did the 3 week grueling vocational testing where they test your reflexes and so many other things to be thorough, she said to me once that my councilor could probably work with my depression in the winter (which is called Seasonal Affective Disorder..its not a disorder its from not enough sunlight. In other countries they have ultra violent lights that people use to get the light they need indoors during the winter. I also get brain dead if its too hot like in the South west in the summer. So what? that is why Europeans take day naps and conduct business around that...sometimes I just think we should all move back to Europe where our ancestors of different nations seem to have made peace with each climate they exist in.  Its like Europeans are trying to exist in this land that just is NOT natural to thier bodies.)
 ..I was so under the gang stalking spell that I told her sheepishly that my councilor does not do for me what he does for other clients. which was true. She just looked at me and her eyes went wide for a moment..that whole look when someone knows there is something up and gets scared at why you are being singled out. She then of course politely helped the targeting along by going into denial about it.  Its true..there are some people who MA Rehab pays there rent  and for a computer as they send them to school and gives full support to. Other people come out of there saying they did little but discourage them from doing anything with thier lives.
As I closed my case with MA Rehab becuz of all the pressures with the harassment and a moldy apartment ruining my health, the councilor played up the pretend nice and then said that there was "something there" and that is the cause of what was keeping me back. If I was diagnosed with anxiety and really that was what was being made worse by thier lack of assistance as going to college is overwhelming, there isnt 'something there'. They are supposed to be able to work with something like this.
 
All around I got used to being treated differently. This is on sign you are targeted and its working becuz you expect to be kept down and settle for less. I dont know if these people only know that they are paid or advised to help keep you down or that they believe you dont deserve an equal chance due to some cover story or that they outright know about mind control slavery etc and entire families being targeted.  I have met people in different settings who seem to be in on the whole family being a targeted family whos members are never going to be allowed to get anywhere in life of any power or significance.
 
I had someone recently write me that its becuz I come from a Catholic family and it doesnt matter that I was not baptized.  This might be true if someone is targeting people from Cork (Mother Jones home town) that shut the shades on Queen Victoria as she rode through the streets but that battle isnt ours anymore and its long long ago my great grandmother passed on such stories.  How then do you explain the Italian side that came here with money?  So if its not about an old battle where Catholicism is an obvious signifier of being an enemy of another then how does it factor in?  I just dont get it. Really its a perp tactic to confuse the real cause which for me is about programming and on a more recent level, my associates business affairs and thier uber rich brat scene of fucked up trust fund kids who dont want anyone to know that they are more white trash than any street kid ever could be just by thier living habits. Rich white trash.. fabulous.
  Behavior modification and Confession:
Really its about trying to get the TI to confess as soon as possible under duress and then from there the behavior modification can take full affect.
I was thinking about that as I woke up from a nap few moments ago.
That the pain is just pushing out a confession from me of just any private thing really but always something I think will save me from further targeting.  You have to remember firstly this is what they want to make you into a rat to get you further ostracized.  Also, confession is a step in behavior modification. And guess what? If done wrong it probably wont save you it will however make thier power over you much more strong..we made you confess.  None of us should have to live publicly as we do and they know damn well it robs us of power.