Why Do I Feel So Alone Nowadays?

Since the admin changes in Boston and Cambridge I feel completely abandoned.
I was naive not to understand that my safety and success depended greatly on who was in power in Boston.

No matter what happened or how hard it got I felt I was going to reach my final goal of writing two books and at least consulting lawyers.

I cannot believe how shunned and discredited I've been this year.

Its like its totally over. There is absolutely no chance of me completing my goals nor even being able to remain in my hometown. Even the USA.

I'm a non entity. Whoever cared for me is gone or isn't interested anymore.
Part of this is Fukushima making the west coast off limits to me now and the Carlsbad NM nuclear accident as well making my beloved southwest even more dangerous.

It all happened at once it seems. Fukushima didn't really dawn on me until last year when it became obvious the radiation exposure had effected me.
I spent some very scary moments last winter lying on cots in the Harvard Homeless Shelter actually feeling pain in my bones and the sensation of some condition actually sapping the life energy out of the marrow in my bones. Its been very frightening. I had an MRI and felt it acutely at one point it was effecting my heart.

My mother is a radiation experimentee documented. I personally have been hit with microwave and electromagnetic weapons for years as well as have long term liver disease and damage to tissue from three years of mold exposure from an apartment in Boston also documented. Living on high fear levels for years along with the physical exertion of carrying a heavy pack around.
Its drained me of health and life energy. My newly acquired allergic reaction condition makes taking vitamins or health supplements impossible.
Also the medical community has turned this past few years. They don't seem to want to help me improve my health or even take care of serious issues like years ago.
Like I still have pain from that abortion last August, on my womb and lower back and the people I went to for help in Boston as well as Oregon just kept handling me and denying me any serious care.

I used to go to Tufts but they turned nasty like severe gs years ago.

I don't understand where the turning point was. It seems it was when I decided to take my former companion with me traveling. It was awful and I had more public freak outs that trip becuz I was outside in towns and cities more not in trucks or resting in shelters.
He couldn't hitch so I traumatized myself riding Greyhound.
I needed him around. When I met him I was getting sick and wasn't doing well on my own, without him w me in CA I couldn't have had that colonoscopy where they fixed whatever was wrong. Boston docs were going to preform one but I kept getting driven out of the city and denied healthcare. I was even targeted with tech more heavily until I closed my bank account and gave up my safe deposit box where I kept documentation of my travels etc.

My body and mind degenerated since that trip partially due to the stress he brought on as well as the physical damages from walking too much, not resting etc.
Also last year every city and town in America making homelessness and hitching illegal or difficult added to that stress.

I have aged from being in CA and the northwest last year.
I've felt ill, weak and aging ever since Fukushima happened in 2011. Only the combined stresses of 2012-13 made that become very damaging.

All these things at once...just seem to have ended my life-what life I had left after being targeted for so many years.

They really want to finish the cover up of what they've done.

It's unbelievable to me that with the information I have, the content of what I have to say about what happened to me and this country that its only been as long as I was young looking and attractive still that I was of any interest. To think that the people behind this were just playing more games with me, until I got old and sickly.

Is that really all this was about this whole time becuz it seems like it.

Its as if the people in MA are not just chasing me out of there but they are threatening me with their ability to fuck with me so I get put in prison, which didn't happen when the old admin was in Boston and Cambridge.

My intuition told me to leave the USA in 2012 and I should have listened. I'm am very badly off now. I still can't believe it.

And this phase of the Obamanation seems to be about reducing someone like me to either a brain dead electroshock patient who recalls nothing or forcing me out of the country without any concern for the condition I'm in.

Everything has turned so negative.

(I had to turn off the internet due to some hacking going on that was causing my physical typing as well as my mental writing of this to slow down as to make it impossible to write. I'm using a note program to write this instead of directly on blogger for that specific reason but it seems they can now mess with notes as well.)

That's what I mean, it's just getting really nasty and deadly. No freedom at all. The second term of Obama has been the worst conditions compared to any other time in any of this campaign.

Even during Bush when I was being tortured and heavily stalked and harassed at least I could fight back and had freedom of movement. I felt like I was still an American.

Now I feel like I'm being murdered and my citizenship stripped from me.

The only thing I can think of positive is that before it only seemed like I had allies and actually I was being fooled and played with and kept down and perhaps the new local admin is actually releasing me from all the things the prior people had me believing. And being forced out of the US is becuz it's never going to change and there is no chance of a fair lawsuit etc.

I'm very in the dark about what to do. I feel its over. My life, my project my mission and any hopes of revenge or justice... Or getting my life back. Or the life energy they took from me.

I can't believe so many cared and I had such support and now I don't.

I'm totally alone now.

And the police seem to be collectively playing this game to get me out of the USA. Like it's all going according to plan and they are winning.